ION Arizona #184

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LIVED

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LOS DIABLOS

PICTURES BY MARCIE ISHAK

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CARNAVAL LATINO

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KARAMBA

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WMW’S ROCK’N BODIES REVIEW

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SUNDAYS AT TH E ROCK

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DRAG BRUNCH

BLISS / REBAR

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BOY SOUP POOL PARTY

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CASA DE VIAJE

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830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com

ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Fernando Hernandez Scotty Kirby Alex Campos

Franklin Diaz Marcie Ishak Sam DeLeon

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby Keenan Daly

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger Frederick Hill

Published monthly by

1995-2016: 21 Years of Design and Creative Excellence © 2016 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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Best Time of the Year I love fall in Arizona!

Cooler weather, more outdoor events, dining on the patio and you can actually hike or bike without a furnace blowing on you. Fall is the best time to be in Arizona and when our community really shines.

BEST MAN I’ve been a best man for three weddings: for my brother and mentor, my father and role model, and my best friend’s wedding to his husband. (No longer called “gay marriage,” now it’s just “marriage.”) It’s quite the honor to be asked once, let alone three times. Keep in mind it is just an honorary title. (Or is it?)

BEST VEHICLE Last month we introduced our best vehicle, the ION Aztek party truckster.

This iconic eyesore now proudly displays a huge ION logo and “IONAZTK” on the license place. Check it out at our booth at Rainbows Festival October 12-13.

Make sure you honk when you see us on the road!

BEST (WO)MAN Before this crazy presidential election, I can’t stop thinking about the title best “man.” Who are the best men (or women) to lead us? I’ve had over 10 jobs throughout my career. With the exception of me, (ahem!) the best bosses and leaders were always women. Make the best decision when you vote on November 8. Every vote counts.

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BEST COMING OUT Who better to celebrate National Coming Out Day October 11 and National LGBT History Month with than sexy, out celebrity Lance Bass? ION chatted with Lance about his life, career and hosting Logo TV’s controversial reality show Finding Prince Charming. Check out the best interview on page 34.

BEST FURRY MODELS Our best issue of the year, “Pets In The City,” is coming this November. Every year, we ask our readers to submit the best photo of themselves with their best pet(s). We’ll randomly select some lucky readers and invite them to a professional photoshoot to be featured in our next issue for a small donation. This year we’re donating our proceeds to the Joshua Tree Pet Assistance Program, helping provide food and low cost medical services for those living with HIV/AIDS love and care for their pet friends forever. Send your photos to IONarizona@me.com no later than October 16. This year we’re selecting only 25 groups of pets and their people so get your paws on that computer now!

I hope you enjoyed my best “Just Jack” and enjoy the best season in the best state in the best country on the best planet.

All the best,

Jack Tesorero Publisher

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Keeping in synch with

Lance Bass, host of Logo’s

Finding Prince Charming

Five Alarmer Charmer

by Deon Brown

by Deon Brown 34

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B

est-selling boy band *NSYNC was everywhere until 2002 when the group said, “Bye, Bye, Bye” to pop music.

The band’s bass singer had a secret.

When Lance Bass came out in 2006, he knocked Johnny Depp off the cover of PEOPLE magazine.

Since then, Lance campaigned to be a Russian Cosmonaut in 2001. (He’s fluent in Russian and a member of the National Space Society.) He’s a regular cast panelist on The Meredith Vieira Show and has a show Sirius XM satellite radio. In 2014 Lance married Michael Turchin in a wedding celebrated on the E! Channel.

A Hollywood favorite, Lance is the host on Logo TV’s reality show, Finding Prince Charming. Lance talked to ION about his career, how much he loves TV and a couple of bombshells about Finding Prince Charming.

ION: Did you think coming out would end your career?

LB: I didn’t think it would end my entire career; I knew parts of my career would end. You’re a different person and people look at you differently. There’s things I was working on that could’ve gone further, like a scripted show for the CW Network playing a straight guy that got canceled when I came out; they didn’t think it would be “believable.” In the end it was fun finding my footing to

see where I would end up. I love where I am today as a gay man.

ION: You were lucky. A lot of times when things like boy bands end you never hear about them again. Like that Justin guy ... where’s he today?

LB: I know! I haven’t talked to him since, like, 2003! He disappeared!

ION: What was your reaction to Andy Cohen discussing “playing footsie” with you on national TV? LB: (Laughs) It’s all in fun. I’m not embarrassed and these are the type of things I’m very open about. I’m pretty open about all my relationships and craziness that I’ve had. Andy’s a dear friend of mine and of my husband’s. It’s hilarious that it gets brought up every two years and we have to talk about it all over again. [Oops. Well, you talked about it once more, now.—Ed.] ION: What would you like our readers to know about you?

LB: At this point I think everyone knows everything about me—at least I hope they do. If you watch interviews with me or listen to my show on Sirius XM you get to know me. I’m not really secretive. I guess sometimes I wish I wouldn’t say certain things (laughs). Being in the closet for so long, I think once you come out you feel like you have nothing to hide and want to tell the world everything. That’s why I wrote a book and started my own talk show because I had a lot to say and wanted to say it.

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About Finding Prince Charming ION: You’re no stranger to reality TV shows. You’ve appeared on Family Feud, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Cupcake Wars and competed in Dancing with the Stars season 7 in 2008, winning third place.

What is your advice for anyone appearing on a reality show?

LB: There’s probably not a reality show that I don’t watch. Know that you’re life is gonna be put on display. The good and the bad will come with that. You just have to be the type of person who can take the “bad.” You might think that you have a thick skin, and you’re gonna know if you do when you put yourself on television.

It’s the nature of the beast when you’re on television

The Cast of Finding Prince Charming

and in the public eye know that a lot of people are gonna hate you—just to hate you. It takes a certain type of person who would want to deal with that. We’re a little bit crazy to want that in our life.

ION: You’re in and out of the house; did you have much interaction with the bachelors or Robert that we don’t see?

LB: They purposely didn’t want me talking to them because they didn’t want me to tip off Robert about the things that went down in the house when he wasn’t there. I spent a lot of down time in the Green Room with Robert. They want the suitors to reveal themselves and tell him the things they want him to know. I got to know Robert pretty well; I wanted to be a good sounding board for him if he had any questions about the guys in the house I could give him my honest opinion

because we both saw the exact same thing.

ION: We have to talk about the elephant in the room. Were you worried about the negative attention the show would get once the bachelor’s sex worker past and amateur porn surfaced?

LB: Of course. Robert told me about his past early on the filming. I knew he was going to tell the guys at some point and wanted to talk about his past. I knew that was gonna be a part of the show. I don’t even know what happens in the house.

I know they have very deep talks. It’ll be interesting to see if he does and how they react if it comes up. You’re always worried that people will think negatively of a show like this. It just adds another layer to who these people are and all the crazy differences to the people who are on the show.

ION: Any suitors you’re rooting for?

LB: Every reality show I’ve ever watched like Big Brother

photo by Adam Bouska

or Tila Tequila ... the first episode I have this little game I play. I like to pick the top three and see if I’m right. The first day of filming I saw every guy that walked into the house, I wanted to see if I could pick the top three. I can’t say who they were, but two of them made it.

ION: Any suitor you couldn’t stand?

LB: Not really. I respect a social experiment like this; I know the house is gonna be full of different people and that’s what we got. There’s some of the suitors I don’t think I could ever be friends with or ever date, but I’m not the Prince Charming; they weren’t selected for my taste. I respect that these guys put themselves out there and face the fact that some people might not like them.

ION: If you were single would you do a show like this?

B: If I weren’t in the public eye, I might if I were 37-years-old and still hadn’t found “the one.” Who knows who you might meet? That’s kismet! That’s fate! Right in front of you on a silly television

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ION: Can you share a nugget of “behind the scenes” gossip? show! But I’d much rather be the Prince Charming than one of the suitors fighting with 12 other guys.

ION: Do you think the show is a positive reflection of the gay community?

LB: It’s everything. It’s not just positive, it’s not just negative. It’s just Truth.

There’s 14 single gay men in a house.

There’s millions of gay men in the community. You’re not gonna cover the whole community in 14 guys. In the seasons to come you’re gonna see all kinds of people: people you’re gonna love, people you’re gonna hate. You’re gonna love the show, you’re gonna hate the show. Let’s pull all of those emotions out of you. This show really does it.

ION: Is it important for Finding Prince Charming to have a an HIV positive suitor?

LB: I don’t think they purposely wanted that to happen, but I’m glad it did. It adds another layer and it’s a subject we can’t get enough education about. A show like this is on where you just want to relax, be entertained, talk crap about people and feel better about your life.

When you can have a “teaching moment” that’s what I live for. People who love pop culture don’t care to watch the news and learn 24/7. When you learn while being entertained is a win/win. I hope the conversations within this household sparks conversations in other households to talk about HIV/AIDS and knock down the stigma a lot of people have.

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LG: I don’t really know what went down in the house. Sometimes I’d get frustrated with that because I’d get to the set and the mood would change daily. I’d be all happy and everyone is crying and there’s cops there. I’d be, “What happened?” Crazy things were happening all around me and nobody could tell me what was going on. I’ll be watching all the drama for the first time.

I’m interested in what exactly went down.

ION: Do you have viewing parties?

LB: I love having people over, getting the wine out, especially with a show like this.

It brings your friends together and gives you something to talk about. It’s such a social show.

ION: October 11 is National Coming Out Day. Any reflections?

LB: So many young people feel comfortable with who they are. They’re coming out younger and younger. It makes me so happy they can start living their life now and not worry about the bullshit that a lot of us had to. It’s changed in the past five or ten years.

There’s so much support and love in the gay community. My advice is if you’re using this as the moment, tell that best friend, tell that family member you love and trust first. Practice on them. Tell one person! It’s so much easier when someone else knows before you tell the rest of your friends and come out to the world. You’ll have someone there who can hold your hand.

Finding Prince Charming airs every Thursday night on Logo. Look for Bass to compete and cook on My Kitchen Rules on FOX in 2017.

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TITO’S IGNITION CAR SHOW

STACY’S

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The Crypt

Get the bejeezus scared out of you at The Crypt Haunted Attractions for Halloween!

The insanity of The Asylum Haunted House, Chaos and The Crypt await you. All of those ghouls, goblins, ghosts and things that go bump in the night are at Fiesta Mall, Alma School Road and the U.S. 60. Now until October 31. (See ad on p. 42 for info and coupons)

The Fire Ball

It’s a real scorcher in the Underworld!

Summon the demons from the depths of Hell!

Get ready for The Fire Ball! And it’s a real barnburner, too! Specials on Fireball (what else?) with a Best Demon Costume Contest with a cash prize! Get ready for a scorching good time on Saturday, October 8 at Charlie’s, 727 E. Camelback Rd. in Phoenix. (See ad p. 13)

Rocky Horror Picture Show

The ultimate, classic, Science Fiction/Double Feature Picture Show is back! Made for TV (get it?) Watch it with your favorite Transexual Transylvanians on Thursday, October 20, 7 p.m. at Kobalt, 3110 N. Central Ave. with costume contest (See ad p. 12) and at The Rock 4129 N. 7th Ave. (See ad p. 5) Dig it, if you can!

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AIDS Walks in Arizona!

Put on your shoes and let’s go for a walk! You can be a philanthropist and get exercise! Register for AIDS Walk in Tucson and Phoenix! Make a difference! And make sure you know your own status.

AIDS Walk Tucson: Sunday, October 9. Register at AIDSwalkTucson.com ... See ad on page 114 AIDS Walk Phoenix: Sunday, October 23 Register at AIDSwalkAZ.org ... See ad on p. 44

Rainbows Festival

Look for the silver lining! The sun is shining and it’s time for Rainbows Festival! Enjoy a weekend of fun and entertainment, a craft beer garden, music and more! It all happens the weekend of October 15 &16 at Heritage Square in downtown Phoenix, at Monroe and 6th St. And it’s free! For more information go to RainbowsFestival.org (See ad on pp. 40-41)

Bear Weekend at FLEX

Get your Ursine on for “Bear Weekend!” Your celebrity guest host will be the XXX favorite, hung & hunky Tex Davidson, star of Say Uncle. There’s a “Forest Theme” play area, barbeque, pool party and DJ Dirty Rascal spins. Things get hairy on October 23 & 24 at Flex Spas Phoenix, 1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy. in Phoenix. Visit FlexSpas.com or call 602-2719011. Room reservations strongly suggested.

(See ad on p. 128)

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LGBT Night Out at the Ballet

First performed in 1877 in Russia, La Bayadère (“The Temple Dancer”) tells the tragic story of star crossed lovers, Nikiya and the warrior, Solor. Attend the private reception before the ballet. Presented Thursday, October 27 by Ballet Arizona at Symphony Hall, 75 N. 2nd St. For tickets call 602-381-1096 and mention promo code “Night Out.” (See ad on p. 51)

OCTOBER 2016 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE EVENT LOCATION 5 Spooky Skate Great Skate 5 Salsa Wednesday Karamba 7 Glenville Slim’s Jamboree Cruisin’ 7th 8 Fireball Costume Contest Charlie’s 9 AIDS Walk Tucson Library/Jacome Plaza 13, 27 Comedy Triage Cruisin’ 7th 14 La Sonora Karisma Karamba 14 Witch’s Ball The Rock 15 Wild Men of the West 1st Anniversary Karamba 15 Unofficial post-Rainbows Bash Dick’s Cabaret 15 She Lounge Stacy’s @ Melrose 15 Blackout Party The Anvil 15-16 Rainbows Festival Heritage Square 19 Freak Show Charlie’s 19 Presidential Debate Stacy’s @ Melrose 20 Rocky Horror Picture Show Kobalt 20 Rocky Horror Picture Show The Rock 21 AZ Pups ‘n’ Handlers The Anvil 21 Blue Comedy Show Cruisin’ 7th 22-23 Bear Weekend The Flex Spas 23 AIDS Walk Phoenix Downtown 25 Fright Nights Karamba 25 Scary-oke Charlie’s 26 Scary Movie Night Karamba’s 26 Angel’s & Demons Charlie’s

CITY Glendale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Tucson Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix

27 Neon Party 27 LGBT Night at the Ballet thru 31 The Crypt NOVEMBER 2 Dia de lo Muertos 5 Midtown Urban Living Tour

Charlie’s Symphony Hall Fiesta Mall

Phoenix Phoenix p 49 Mesa

Charlie’s MidTownPHX.org

Phoenix Phoenix

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Here Comes Halloween!

Let your inner monster loose! Your favorite bars & clubs are having parties and contests. Check out their ads inside ION!

ION HALLOWEEN PARTY LISTINGS DATE EVENT 28 Barbra Seville’s Halloween Special 28 Monster Mash Pre-Party 28-31 Hellmouth 29 Halloweenie Costume Party 29 Halloween Party 29 Odyssey 2016 Block Party 29 INFERNO Halloween Party 29 Halloween Party 29-31 Area 51 29 Halloween Party 30 Halloween Party thru 31 The Crypt

LOCATION The Rock Karamba’s Stacey’s @ Melrose Dick’s Cabaret Cruisin’ 7th BS West Los Diablos Karamba Charlie’s Cruisin’ 7th The Anvil Fiesta Mall

CITY Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Scottsdale Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Phoenix Mesa

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4th Annual Midtown The Midtown Neighborhood Association is proud to announce the 4TH Annual Midtown Urban Living Tour.

Mark your calendars and plan to see some of the most exciting living spaces in Central Phoenix on Saturday, November 5 from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. The tour will feature some of Midtown’s finest residential buildings.

The Midtown Urban Living Tour will showcase twelve homes in seven Midtown communities, Each one with their own special character. Tour goers will have the rare opportunity to explore Artisan Lofts on Central, Villa del Coronado, Chateau de Ville, Regency on Central, Phoenix Towers, Tapestry on Central and One Lexington. This year the tour will add a new building and bring back an old favorite. (Get your ticket today and find out which ones.)

Although parking will be available near the tour’s check-in location, we encourage guests to enjoy the convenience of the Metro Light Rail for quick and easy travel between these communities. A trolley service will also be available or why not “get your urban on” and rent bicycles from the popoular GRID Bike Share? Stop for a bite to eat. Some Midtown restaurants are offering special deals for members of the tour showing ticket or receipt of ticket purchase for the tour.

Midtown is home to a bustling business district, world-class museums and culture, fine dining and casual restaurants, lush parks and a diverse mix of housing options, including historic neighborhoods and creative, award winning architecture.

We invite you to see for yourself why Midtown is at the crossroads of “live, work and play” in Phoenix.

Visit the Midtown Neighborhood Association at MidTownPHX.org for more tour information & ticket purchases.

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Urban Living Tour

An Adventure in Midtown Living

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Josh Rivers & Diona Peltcs get dancing

Step by Step

by Deon Brown

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hen two of the most recognizable and favorite faces of the Phoenix LGBTA community (that “A” includes our straight “Allies) decide to join together and create a little bit of magic, we’re always happy.

This is a story about two special people who bring their own unique pizazz, style and talent to the stage: Diona Peltcs and now, presenting for the first time, Josh Rivers.

Josh lights up a room everywhere he goes. You can’t find anybody who doesn’t love Josh.

As a matter of fact, RuPaul’s Drag Race royalty Latrice Royale and Chad Michaels once flew to Phoenix to help him celebrate his birthday. Quiet and effortlessly charming, he’s a number one friend to many.

Josh’s story began almost six years ago. He was in a nightclub when a madman entered, peppering the venue with random gunfire. Josh got caught in the path of three of those bullets. One of those bullets is still lodged in his spine, paralyzing him from the waist down. Extensive rehabilitation, exercise, devices and especially stem cell therapy gave Josh a much needed boost and greater mobility as feeling returns in his legs.

Meet Diona Peltcs. For over five

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“He’s learning the fundamentals of Argentine tango; we’re expanding into using movement not always part of social dance,” said Diona. “We’re modifying things to work while evolving my teaching practice.”

Josh never thought he’d be able to dance again, but he’s waking up muscles that atrophied. “I love dancing. She studied what I’m able to do and it evolved into the choreography that I can get down. Diona showed me that anything is possible.”

The hours of carefully choreographed rehearsal have paid off.

“We wanted to do something that would stand out and be different.

We’re going to be dancing to music by the band Infected Mushroom. It’s really, really great!”

Josh will be returning to Panama City, Panama next month for another round of stem cell therapy to help improve his mobility. Maybe we’ll see reunite for a little “cha cha cha” next year! years she’s enthusiastically dedicated her time and artistry as a coach for the annual fundraising favorite, “Dancing With The Bars.” She’s currently attending Arizona State University.

Enter: kismet. Josh and Diona met at the ION Arizona Holiday Party. They struck up a friendship and Diona suggested an idea: partnering with Josh for a dance project for her Master of Fine Arts Dance Thesis. Always up for a challenge, Josh welcomed the opportunity to dance for the first time in six years. About five months ago they began rehearsing once a week for about an hour in his living room, now they rehearse at ASU West.

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Everyone is invited to see Diona and Josh dance together on

Thursday, October 27 and again on Friday, October 28 at 7:30 ASU Main Campus Tempe, in the PE East Building. A small admission will be collected at the door.

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Rainbows Festival Catch a few of your local favorites when they take the main stage and community stage at Rainbows Festival. On Saturday you’ll see Afeelya Bunz and friends when they tear it up!

Don’t miss Arizona Drag Stars, Phoenix Phollies, the Showgirl Follies and Miss & Mister Phoenix Pride. For a detailed schedule see the ad on p. 41

OCTOBER 2016 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Thursdays

8:00pm

Kobalt

RuPaul’s Drag Race Viewing Party

Thursdays

8:00pm

The Rock

RuPaul’s Drag Race Viewing Party

Thursdays

8:00pm

Stacy’s

RuPaul’s Drag Race Viewing Party

Thursdays

8:00pm

Los Diablos

RuPaul’s Drag Race Viewing Party

Mondays

10:00pm Charlie’s

Claudia B Hosts The Strip Factor

Tuesday

10:00pm Karamba

Savannah Moussier’s Show

Tuesdays

9:00pm

Wednesdays 9:00pm

BS West

Stars Choice Talent Showcase

Kobalt

Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba

Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi

Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s

Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos

1st & 3rd Thurs 9pm Thursdays

Cruisin’ 7th

10:30pm Karamba

Camping Out with the Southern Belles Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds

2nd & 4th Fri 10:30pn

Cruisin’ 7th

Fridays

10:30

The Rock

Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

2nd Saturday 9:30pm

Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

Kobalt

Celia Putty

Saturdays

10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

Lady Christian’s Lady & the Tramps

Saturdays

10:00pm The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show Pussy’s Patio Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

1st Sunday

2:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th

Excuse Our Beauty Revue

Sundays

11:00am

Los Diablos

Show Tunes Sunday

Sundays

8:30pm

Charlie’s

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

Sundays

7:00pm

BS West

The Showgirl Follies Big Sexy Show

Sundays

10:30pm Karamba

Diamond’s Show

3rd Sunday

2:00pm

The Morning After with Trixxie Deluxxe

Cruisin’ 7th

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Dylan Langenfeld 1988-2016

We celebrate the expansive, wildly creative and loving life of Dylan, the extraordinary young man we also knew as the luxuriously hairy, bearded queen, “Jolene Cuisine” with tattoos of bacteriophages and Picasso. Dylan is remembered as “unashamed to be who he was at a time when most people had no idea who they were.”

One friend shared that “the bright and noisy color that he put into all our lives will never fade.” In a world full of of cookie-cutter people, there will never be any other “Dylans” but him. We miss you.

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The Sound of Music

How do you solve a problem like Maria? Join the Austrian songbird and the Von Trapp clan as they learn about love, family and Nazis. Dirndls and lederhosen for everyone! October 18-23 at ASU Gammage, 1200 S. Forest Ave. For tickets call 480-965-3434 or visit ASUgammage.com or TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

Amy Schumer

One of the hottest (and most controversial!) stand-up comedians today, Amy is unapologetic and fearless, she brags about condomless sex, blackouts and everything else offensive. We love her! She’s here Saturday, October 22 at the Gila River Arena, 9400 W. Maryland Ave. in Glendale. For tix go to TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

Piaf!

The Show

The life, music and “La Vie En Rose” of the legendary Little Sparrow of France, Edith Piaf, told through this audio-visual experience with vocals by Anne Carrere.

It’s just like being in Paris! Well, except in Scottsdale. At the Scottsdale Center for the Performing Arts, 7380 E. 2nd St. Tickets at ScottsdalePerfomingArts.org or call 480-499-TKTS

OCTOBER 2016 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE

EVENT

COMPANY

PHONE

6-23 King Charles AZ Theatre Co. (Phx) 602-256-6995 7-8 Adult Puppet Slam Great AZ Puppet Theatre - Phx 602-262-2050 7-23 Rasheeda Speaking Black Theatre Troupe - Phx 602-258-8129 7-29 Alien All Puppet Players 602-254-2151 thru 8 Drowsy Chaperone Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert 480-497-1181 13-11/26 Seven Brides for Seven Bros. Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert 480-497-1181 13 + 27 Comedy Trage Cruisin’ 7th - Phoenix 602-212-9888 14/11-13 Funny Girl AZ B’way Theatre - Peoria 623-776-8400 14-29 Merchant of Venice SW Shakespeare Co. 480-644-6500 14-29 Veronica’s Room iTheatre Collaborative 602-258-9481 15 Blue Comedy Show Cruisin’ 7th - Phx 602-212-9888 15 Bernadette Peters Mesa Arts Center 480-644-6500 18-23 Sound of Music ASU Gammage - Tempe 480-965-3434 22 Amy Schumer Gila River Arena - Glendale 800-745-3000 22 Piaf! The Show Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts 480-499-TKTS 22-11/12 An Act of God AZ Theatre Co. (Tuc) 520-622-2823 thru11/15 You Can’t Take It With You Hale Ctr. Theatre - Gilbert 480-497-1181 October 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 67

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Cyndi Lauper

Some things never change. Girls just wanna have fun! Catch Cyndi as she be-boppa loo she bops into town on Friday, October 7 at the Talking Stick Resort, Talking Stick Resort, 9800 E. Indian Bend Rd. in Scottsdale. For tickets call 480-850-7743

Stevie Nicks & The Pretenders

Thunder only happens when it’s rainin’. Our favorite witch comes back home along with rocker Chrissie Hynde and her band on Tuesday, October 25 at the Talking Stick Resort Arena, 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix.

For tickets visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

OCTOBER 2016 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE 1 2 4 4 4 5 5 6 7 7 7 10 11 13 14 14 14 16 16 20 21 21 22 25 28

ARTIST Ani DiFranco Lil Kim, Puff Daddy, etc.

Sia Lumineers St. Lucia Miike Snow & St. Lucia Mumford & Sons CHVRCHES Tears for Fears Cyndi Lauper Miike Snow Echo & the Bunnymen Echo & the Bunnymen The 1975 Sigur Ros Totally 80s Chaka Khan Willie Nelson Bob Dylan The Fray Troye Sivan R. Kelly Keith Urban & others Stevie Nicks & The Pretenders Flight of the Conchords

LOCATION Rialto Theatre - Tucson Gila River Arena - Glendale Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Rialto Theatre - Tucson Marquee Theatre - Tempe Ak-Chin Pavilion - Phoenix Marquee Theatre - Tempe Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale Rialto Theatre - Tucson Marquee Theatre - Tempe Rialto Theatre - Tucson Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Orpheum Theatre - Phoenix Livewire - Scottsdale Centennial Hall - Tucson Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx Comerica Theatre - Phx

PHONE 520-740-1000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 520-740-1000 480-839-0707 800-745-3000 480-839-0707 800-745-3000 480-850-7743 520-740-1000 480-839-0707 520-740-1000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 480-970-1112 520-621-3341 602-267-1600 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000 800-745-3000

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Secrets & Sleaze The Greasy Strangler Sometimes Hollywood needs to produce pure, unadulterated schlock to make you forget all of the glossy, star-powered “message movies” they hit you over the head with, or Dakota Johnson in Fifty Shades of Gray. Yet they keep making more.

Try this: Drippy Brayden (Sky Elobar) runs a shabby business touring fake disco landmarks with his cranky father, Big Ronnie (Michael St. Michaels), who loves his food greasy.

When Brayden falls for Janet (Elizabeth DeRazzo), Big Ronnie gets jealous. Clients and acquaintances soon meet a grisly, greasy end. Who it could be?

In the great tradition of John Waters oeuvre of trash, this picture has been described as disgusting. Offensive.

Sleazy. Downright awful. But it features a huge, prosthetic penis on a senior citizen.

This 2016 Sundance “Midnight Movie” entry is slated for a limited release, but we can only hope it comes to Arizona.

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King Cobra Starring: Garrett Clayton, Molly Ringwald, James Franco, Christian Slater, Alicia Silverstone Even if you don’t recognize the name Sean Lockhart, legions of Twink-loving fans of gay porn stand “erect” (so to speak) when they hear the name of the legendary Brent Corrigan, the “DP” champ of porn, now 29.

The film’s dark story centers around the twisted tale and the murder of porn exec Bryan Kocis (Slater, Heathers, called “Stephen” in this film), the owner of Cobra Video, who was murdered in 2007.

The killers were two escorts/“producers,” Harlow Cuadra (Allen, Bukowski) and Joseph Kerekes (Franco, Milk). Corrigan (the Zac Efronesque Clayton, Disney Channel’s Teen Beach Movie) helped authorities find their suspects and testified against them in their murder trials.

The motives for the murder were to make a “million-dollar” film starring Corrigan.

Produced by Franco, who has an astonishing affinity for gay themed pictures, including James Dean, Interior: Leather Bar, Michael, Wild Horses and Milk, said, “I’m

straight in my life, gay in my art.” Some accuse Franco of “gay baiting.” Is he?

Reviews are all over the board so far, some calling it “a movie of wit and daring,” “a rock solid dark comedy,” to “all smut and no soul,” and “a dreary would-be thriller.” Corrigan was approached to appear in the film, but declined, criticizing the filmmakers for “bastardizing” his life to present an inaccurate portrayal of the murder and of his time in porn.

Inferno Starring: Tom Hanks, Felicity Jones, Irrfan Kahn Here’s another hyper-intellectual nail-biter from writer Dan Brown’s franchise (The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons).

Middle-aged art historian and symbology smarty-pants Robert Langdon (Hanks, Forrest

Gump) wakes up in a hospital room in Italy with amnesia–as well as a facelift and a dye-job. It’s up to him and Dr. Sienna Brooks (Jones, Theory of Everything) who is, as usual, an attractive woman young enough to be his daughter, to foil a deadly plot based on Dante’s Inferno that threatens to destroy the world ... maybe now. Maybe in 100 years. What to do?

The two embark on a action-packed race through Europe (with occasional creepy moments to flirt) to save the day.

Opens October 28

Looking for a Halloween scare?

Check out these fright flicks!

Opens Title

7 Friend Request 21 31 21 Ouija: Origin of Evil 21 Boo! A Madea Halloween 28 The Windmill 28 Rings October 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 71

Phoenix • Roxboro Puerto Vallarta

1940 East Camelback, Phoenix | 602.216.1616

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

M.I.A. AIM M.I.A.’s influence on our current musical zeitgeist is unmatched.

The rhythms and glaring sound effects in songs like Beyoncé’s “Sorry” or even Drakes “One Dance” were all precedented by the successful and sometimes unsuccessful experiments by Sri Lankan born Mathangi Arulpragasm.

In July, after months of teasing us with song and video releases, she made it known that AIM, her fifth studio effort, would be her last.

Beginning with “Borders,” the most distinctly M.I.A. album track features an ominous beat topped with politically charged lyrics: “Borders, what’s up with that?” Her sentiments on our global refugee crisis are revisited with the bouncy “Visa” and “Jump In.” She collaborates with ex-One Direction member Zayn Malik on “Freedun,” a smooth and silky rest from the sirens that blare throughout AIM. With EDM superstar Skrillex by her side, she shines on “Go Off.” “A.M.P. (All My People)” almost serves as a bookend to her first hit “Galang” by sampling its “Yah, yah, heyyy” finale.

AIM isn’t the brilliant farewell one would expect; maybe that’s on purpose.

Available Now

Britney Spears Glory

Nearly a decade ago, Britney Spears was amidst a very public meltdown

after years as her generation’s point person pop star. However, Blackout, the album spawned by the turmoil, was a forward thinking smash. As her personal life crumbled, clubs were bumping with the sounds of Blackout’s “Gimme More,” “Piece of Me” and “Toy Soldier.” Since then, Britney’s released a slew of club ready anthems: “Womanizer,” “Work B*tch,” and “I Wanna Go” although the albums as a whole were nearly unlistenable.

On Glory Britney is present but flailing in her attempt to try relevant musical styles. She doesn’t have the pipes for R&B tracks like “Private Show” and “What You Need.” They sound more like Glee covers than what they could’ve been had a true vocalist been at the helm. Vegas song choices “Clumsy” and “What You Need” seem primed for feather boas and shirtless boy backup dancers. It’s not all bad. Lead single “Make Me” was a wise choice for Spears’ reintroduction. Unexpected and sexy, it stands out. Perhaps the only glorious moment is “Do You Wanna Come Over?” a nod at Spears’ hey day, full of breathy sexual innuendo and rhythmic guitars. Available Now

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - “SONG”

Perfume Genius – “Can’t Help Falling in Love” The Weeknd – “Starboy” feat. Daft Punk Nelly Furtado – “Islands of Me” Lady GaGa – “Perfect Illusion” Phantogram – “Same Old Blues” Fergie – “M.I.L.F. $ Dave Audé Mix” AlunaGeorge – “Mediator” Lower Dens – “Real Thing” Glass Animals – “Season 2 Episode 3” SIA – “The Greatest” feat. Kendrick Lamar October 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 75

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ionazeditor@me.com

Empires Seed Money: The Chuck Holmes Story This unlikely 20th century “hero” changed not only how we see hot man-on-man sex today–even if it was fantasy–but politics, too. In the sexually profligate 1970s, Chuck Holmes helped create and shape gay men’s identities, founding Falcon Studios, the legendary porn factory made up of humpy, tan, bottle-blonde studs with really clean feet.

(The filthy feet on the hustlers seen in the amateur 16mm porn loops drove Holmes crazy.)

Superstars like Leo Ford, Lee “Huge” Ryder, Kevin Williams and legions of other spunky hunks turned Falcon Studios into the MGM of gay porn.

Flimsy “plots” (often involving pool boys, plumbers and prisons) plus top camerawork, lighting, the then-new VHS player, and troops of eager talent and a huge audience, made gay porn into something (almost) respectable, thanks to Holmes.

AIDS changed everything; stars dropped like flies, killing Holmes, too. He left his fortune to create the Holmes Campus San Francisco LGBT Community Center creating controversy surrounding “tainted money.”

Wooden blue movie veteran Jeff Stryker plus other stars and studio execs relive the glory days. Politics and peckers

making this doc into more than a valentine, although short shrift is given to the rampant drug use and other tragedies of porn.

Despite some sound quality issues, if you like gay porn and history, this fascinating doc gives tremendous insight into the the Falcon fuck film factory. Check out ChuckHolmesDoc.com for more Available to buy or rent on iTunes, Amazon Instant, Google Play, Vudu, and On Demand via local cable/ satellite providers. ★★★★☆

All Things Must Pass: The Rise & Fall of Tower Records Long before iTunes, Spotify, Pandora and even Napster there were “record stores,” where you bought your favorite new music on vinyl and later on CD. The Emerald City of record stores was Tower Records. Founded by Russ Solomon in Sacramento, California in 1960, by 1999 they were a billion dollar company. Five years later they were bankrupt, thanks to greed, bad decisions and Napster.

This recaptures the magic of Tower Records as well as the skullduggery behind its demise. If you love music, this is a “must.” ★★★★★

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Pomelo at The Orchard house sauce for $11.

When you visit the imaginative former homestead nestled a residential North Central neighborhood, you’ll feel welcome right away. Enjoy a little bit of old fashioned Southwestern hospitality at The Orchard PHX, a verdant, two-acre venue opened since May. This modern day “hacienda” plays host to Luci’s Healthy Marketplace and Splurge!, an ice cream parlor and candy store.

This surprising piece of old Phoenix got a new life in this former citrus nursery and orchard dating back to the 1920s, vacant since 1995. After years of neglect were cleared away and 90 new trees were planted, the place came to life.

The signature restaurant, Pomelo, named after the grapefruit’s citrus cousin, offers “straightforward American food with an Arizona twist.” Locally sourced and homegrown ingredients are prepared with a gourmet flair.

We enjoyed our lunch in the lightfilled dining room opening up to a spacious lawn.

You can’t beat the Beet Salad, served with a blend of roasted golden and red beets, field greens, avocado, pecans, herbed goat cheese and eye-opening, sparkling lemon vinaigrette for $8.

Pizza is made in a wood-fired oven imported from Italy. It might be the best you’ve ever had. Seriously.

We loved their House Pizza with tomato sauce, spicy smoked tasso from Schreiner’s Fine Sausage and roasted Fresno chilies for $15. Five other pizzas about 12” across are available, including a veggie option.

Monday and Tuesday you can get a pizza and bottle of wine for only $20.

That’s amoré!

Eight different “Specialities” finish the menu. The Spicy Fettuccini with garlic cream, Spanish chorizo sausage, asparagus, sun dried tomatoes, roasted mushrooms and Parmesan cheese is a standout. $15

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Another crowd-pleaser is The Blact Sandwich with impossibly tender woodfired chicken breast, bacon, tomato, artisan greens and guacamole on toasted garlic focaccia. This mouthwatering entrée is so good you’ll need to order an extra to share. We’re serious. $14.

Pomelo also serves brunch every Saturday and Sunday.

Comfortable and cozy, Pomelo’s

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splendid staff welcomes you with open arms, serving a five-star meal.

In the heart of the desirable Madison School District, it’s a bit of a “lady lunch” hot spot (this is a great place to bring mom ‘n’ dad or visiting kin) so you won’t want to get too “fruity” at Pomelo, Mary.

Pomelo is just so juicy, we can’t wait to go back.

7100 N. 12th St. in Phoenix 602-633-2600 PomeloPhx.com

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Awarded

“Best Salon in the West” Sophisticate’s Hairstyle Guide

602.216.1616

1940 E. Camelback, Phoenix

Present this ad for 50% Off your first visit Phoenix • Roxboro • Puerto Vallarta

Photography by Scotty Kirby

Space Age Sweepstakes. Futuristic Raffles. Sci-Fi Slot Machines.

Cyborgs and beauty queens hobnob in the Future where the stakes are high ... but not as high as the heels!

An audience favorite, Savannah Stevens has refined her art for 16 years. After 5 years of competition in the Miss Gay AZ America Pageant, she won the crown!

She is the reigning Miss Gay Arizona America. Catch her every Friday at Elements at BS West.

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Adriana Galliano, Elements cast member.

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Sasha Bratz, Nikki Knowles & Sizzel Lamour of the Showgirl Follies, every Sunday night at BS West.

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Keep your cards close to your vest.

And close to your breasts, too. The house advantage always belongs to Naomi St. James and Saellah V. They perform for your pleasure at the Sunday Showgirl Follies with Sizzel Lamour, Nikki Knowles, Sasha Bratz and Eva Angelica Stratton. All bets are on the table.

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Adriana Galliano, Sasha Bratz, and Nikki Knowles of the Showgirl Follies 92

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Coco St. James is the queen of transformation! She DJs every Tuesday and Sunday at BS West for Stars Choice and Showgirl Follies.

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There’s no counting cards when the MOB is looking over your shoulder. The Men of BS West know there’s no table limits, either. Join Carina and the boys every Thursday night. Feeling lucky? Throw your dice down and let’s see how you do.

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Lisa St. Laurent serves a Martian Martini with Tito’s Handmade Vodka.

It’s out of this world!

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Sizzel & Eva strut in sky high feathers with the Vegas Showgirl style acts in The Showgirl Follies 100

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Pai Gow in the Pleiades? Aurora Borealis Bingo? Blackjack with the Blue Moon? The sky’s the limit when you’re gambling with Fate.

Care to make a friendly wager?

The cast of Elements every Friday night at 10:30 with Saellah V. Adriana Galliano, Savannah Stevens and Mya McKenzie will see that you’re a winner.

Mya McKenzie is Miss Gay Arizona United States The "Face & Grace" of Elements October 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 101

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What’s the name of the game? Pick your poison at BS West. Mike Fornelli and his molls make sure that any number can play.

Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows. But it always starts at BS West.

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Photography by Leaked Glass Directed and Styled by Frederick Hill Models are Jordan, Avel, Carlos and Haas Apparel provided by Lingerie Superstore, Off Chute Too, Castle Boutique, and Secrets.

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October 2016

Vol. 10, Issue 7

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Porn Pop-up Books Popular OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

NEW YORK Porn Pop-up – The world of Books is a publishing is revolutionary working harder way to conjoin to create new, X-rated, raunchy innovative images depicting ways to attract a variety of adult and capture sexual situations new audiences using paper to buy books. engineered with Simon and folding tabs, flaps Schuster, and slots creating Little, Brown, a lewd 3-D Harcourt Brace scenario.

Jovanovich Random “We think House and the–shall we other legendary say–intercourse publishing giants combining 3-D are struggling to market traditionally printed pornography and traditional ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL printed books in a flagging industry publishing will excite readers. So to where readers are turning to electronic speak,” said one publishing house books, or not even reading at all. source. “Classics like Les Jizzerables and Moby’s Dick in pop up form will “More and more people who used appeal to readers we lost to Snapchat to read books are watching Hulu, and Grindr.”

Netflix, or most of all, porn,” said one anonymous publishing agent. “It’s no Porn Pop-Up Books will be available at secret: people love porn.” And, boy, do fine bookstores everywhere in time for they ever! the holidays.

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

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OUTRAGEOUS! Trump’s Secret Global Warming Machine Discovered in China

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS! ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

WASHINGTON – Department of liaison. “We never suspected such subterfuge.

Environment Quality and Pentagon officials Well, that’s not entirely true; we did, but still report the discovery of an elaborate campus ...” The mega-factory belching toxic methane of laboratories featuring machinery powered and nitrous oxide gases once manufactured by aRESEMBLANCE state-of-the-art computer Cabbage PatchACCIDENTAL Kids from asbestos.

ANY TOsystem THEinTRUTHSmoking IS TRAGICALLY the Yangtze River Delta in the Jiangsu ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THEofTRUTH IS claimed, TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL province of east China. The sole purpose Trump “The concept of global the mysterious factory is to exponentially warming was created by and for the Chinese increase the Global Warming Quotient, or in order to make U.S. manufacturing GWQ, of the Earth’s atmosphere. Large non-competitive.” The short-fingered, stickers found on the headpipes clearly say, braggadocious Republican candidate for U.S. “Made by Trump Enterprises.”

President denies making the statement. Of course.

“This surprising discovery hidden by the Chinese officials and Trump’s camp is a shock!” said one anonymous government

OUTRAGEOUS!

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T

wo things that I love most about Halloween are future drag queens working their Butch Queen First Time In Drags ... and waking up the next morning to see folks taking their Walks of Shame in full costume. Speaking of messes, let’s take a look at a few in this scary edition of Favorite Bitch®!

Dear Miss Tiger, I’m a BRONY (Guys into “My Little Pony”) I’m dating someone new and this is our first Halloween together. Is it weird if I ask him to wear a My Little Pony costume while screwing me?

— Danny Dear It’s All Good As Long As He’s HUNG Like a HORSE, And on that note ... NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, Do Ouija boards really work? Will it tell me whether or not my boyfriend is cheating. Have you ever tried one?

— Kevin Dear I Once Asked A Dude A Question ...

And His Dick Answered Me Back, So I guess anything is possible. Boo, if your Ouija board doesn’t spell out the answer, let’s hope his cheating doesn’t do some spelling of its own--as in “STD!”

Year Long. Problem solved.

Dear Miss Tiger, I think I saw my husband dressed as a woman at Olive Garden. How do I know for sure?

— Stephanie Dear All That Work And He Sashays Into A Goddamn Olive Garden?

Don’t look to me for the answer ... look in your lingerie drawer instead.

There’s a reason the elastic band in your panties are stretched to hell--and it ain’t from your washing machine!

Dear Miss Tiger, My boyfriend believes he’s a vampire! Any advice?

— Eric Dear He Does Suck Your Anaconda And He Does Sink His Teeth Into Your Peaches, Therefore I must agree ... Bitch is a vampire.

Dear Miss Tiger, My sister borrowed my Halloween costume. She neglected to tell me it was her “time of the month” and ruined it! How do you feel about this?

— Brianna Dear Blood Is Thicker Than Water,

And it looks like your costume is a Dear Miss Tiger, permanent reminder of that!

I’m not attending the company Halloween party this year. Last time I got so drunk that I fell and lost a tooth. I’m feeling MISS TIGER pressured to show up. Will my boss hold Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio it against me if I don’t go? personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH — Confused Home Depot Lesbian Dear Who Needs A Halloween Party When You (And Your Busted Out Tooth) Are Serving Jack-O’-Lantern Realness All

Website FavoriteBitch.com Facebook /MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com October 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 127

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by Addison DeWitt

“brother!”) Catch Stephen singing his little heart out October 13 thru’ November 26.

I sure do hope he takes his shirt off!

T

he famous novelist Jacqueline Suzanne was A right when she titled the book Once Is Not Enough. Yep. Last month I waxed poetic about Ben Whitneybell, (A) quite possibly the “October’s Sexiest Man in the 602, 480 and 520” according to an independent panel of experts. Namely, me. To commemorate this accolade, B Ben is the winner of my first “OINE Award,” appearing two months in a row in this society column because we (well, “I”) just can’t get enough of him.

Ben scandalized the crowd with his devilish, sexyilcious ways at the “We Three Queens” weird, wild, underground performance art drag show & dance party last month. I can’t wait to see what Ben does this month! If you go, you’ll find out, too! (And, no.

I’m not getting paid nor laid to print this gushy D goo. Unforch.)

In Way, Way Off- OffBroadway News: The sinfully handsome Stephen Serna (B) will be singing and dancing in the Hale Theatre Centre’s frothy, pioneer musical, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I wasn’t sure if Stephen was cast as a bride, or a brother. (Just kidding! He’s a total

The freaky ‘n’ fabulous Kiki Andrews (C) was all “Becky With the Good Hair” and foam rubber boobs at The Cash Inn, wowing the crowds with her natural born talent and long, luxurious Jheri Curl and weave.

Frankly, I was also pretty darn “wowed” with the hot go-go boy! Remember The Maidenform Woman?

The ladies’ undergarment ads claimed, “You never know where she’ll show up.”

Not true. I’m pretty sure I saw her at The Cash.

See for yourself. (D)

B

It’s a great day in the Grand Canyon State when Marshall Shore, (E) Arizona’s Hip Historian celebrates his birthday at the halfcentury mark! Our favorite goateed guy got a surprise when he received an identical twin puppet! How many of you have puppets that look just like you? Sure, I imagine some of you have some blow up dolls that do, but a puppet? C’mon!

C

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he waning gibbous moon passes in front of the bright, colorful and fabulous orange star, Aldebaran, the angry eye of Taurus, on October 19 in a spooky occultation. But never fear: Neptune is in retrograde full tilt, increasing your spirituality and sensitivity, enhancing psychic abilities and intuition in time for Halloween. Conduct a séance and see what happens.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 You feel an urgency to “hurry up” to accomplish everything now. Slow down. A special project needs attention. Maybe it’s sorting out your sock drawer. Maybe it’s a certain someone. Start with the sock drawer.

your true identity with the mystic planet Neptune’s help. You’re not secretly a superhero, so don’t get carried away. But you will make progress reaching your goals.

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 Last month’s dreaminess and sense of feeling lost dissipates. You’re quick to think on your feet and alert, thanks to Mercury.

If it’s your birthday it’s time for your social skills to shine as the toast of the town.

You’re at your entertaining zenith. Expect this birthday year to rank as one of the best.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 The Sun makes it easy for you to get all Madonna about things and express yourself. Your originality shines. Gung ho!

Birthday Scorps get the ball rolling and set new goals. Halloween enhances your communication to the other world Beyond the Veil. Don’t be too freaked out.

Taurus April. 21 - May 20 Neptune is in mid-retrograde through January. You’ll achieve some kind of spirituality and get all “touchy-feely” about Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 all kinds of things. Don’t freak people out too Good news comes your way, thanks to much with this. Because it will.

Mercury. Your communication skills and interactions with others are at an all time Gemini May 21 - June 21 high. It’s a good time to take care of Mercury has a conjunction with Jupiter. For business and handle some big bid’nezz in some this spells disaster. For you, it’s lucky! the romance department.

It’s a great time for negotiation at work and Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 play. Especially if you feel like being a top.

Time to wear off some energy you’ve got Or a bottom. Or vers works, too. bottled up. It’s a good time to do something Cancer June 22 - July 22 physical. Just don’t get too obsessed with Mars squares off with Jupiter ‘til the 10th. winning because that’s kind of obnoxious.

This is a great chance for you to gain more success. You tend to be a little, shall we say, Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 “tactless.” Practice a little finesse. It’s all Motivation is difficult lately. Blame Venus. about strategy. Don’t sign any contracts.

Rise ‘n’ shine! Up ‘n’ at ‘em! It’s important to Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 The Sun’s transit ‘til the next New Moon means you’ll experience harmony in personal and professional arenas. You’re feeling optimistic! And for good reason: you’ll make a profit! What does this mean?

Go shopping!

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 You’ll be gaining more insight about 130

WWW.IONAZ.COM October 2016

show how much you care. Shouldn’t be hard with your charisma and charm. But first you gotta get your ass movin’. Now!

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 You’re giving off some powerful pheromones, thanks to Mars and Neptune.

You exude a sensual allure that makes you irresistible. Venus advertises your need for affection. Make sure it doesn’t make you seem slutty.