ION Arizona #176

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Superbowl S u n day pa r t y F e b r u a r y 7th

$2.00 well drinks & rolling rock Pints ‘til Midnight Complimentary SnaCkS & pizza!

HUGe 16’ x 12’ SCreen! + 5 BiG SCreen tV’S d o o r s o P e n @2 PM | P r e - ga M e @ 3 PM | g a Me @4:30PM

Celebrate with the One You Love!

Sunday, February 14 th

Couple’s Valentine’s Day Special Bottle of Champagne, Chocolates & Rose for $25

Join Us After the Rodeo!

4343 North 7th Avenue Phoenix facebook.com/stacysatmelrose

602-361-6560

602-264-1700

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88 tH annUal academy awards Party

s U n d ay, F e B r U a r y 2 8 tH

$2.00 well drinks & rolling rock Pints HUge 16’ x 12’ screen PlUs 5 extra Big screen tV’s comPlimentary snacks & Pizza! doors oPen @2Pm

February Charity Shot – Raspberry Heart $3 Benefitting Mulligan’s Manor

4343 North 7th Avenue Phoenix facebook.com/stacysatmelrose 6

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602-361-6560

602-264-1700

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KARAOKE NIGHT

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LOS DIABLOS

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830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com OFFICE MANAGER Dean Dill .......................................................... dean.dill@icloud.com

COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com

ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Fernando Hernandez Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby Sean Kapera Stephanie Anne Donoghue NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2016: 21 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2016 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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An Athletic Supporter Campaign (HRC) AZ Gala is on February 27 at the Sheraton Grand Phoenix.

T

here are three kinds of people out there: The people who love sports, the people who hate sports and the people who love to watch sports.

I, for one, am an avid athletic supporter. I love the athletes, the uniforms and the passion behind athletics. I also love the camaraderie, the competition, the ecstasy of winning and the agony of defeat. True drama from start to finish.

Over the last several decades, only a handful of professional athletes have had the “balls” to come out publicly. One of the first to come out was tennis player Martina Navratilova (pictured upper left) in 1981.

Greg Louganis, the most decorated Olympic diver in history, came out in 1988. More recently, out and open athletes include Brittney Griner from the WNBA Phoenix Mercury, sexy Olympic diver Tom Daley from Great Britain, Jason Collins in the NBA, Olympic snowboarder Gus Kenworthy (pictured upper right) and Michael Sam (pictured below center), the first NFL player to come out. Sam is the keynote speaker of this month’s Human Rights

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Last month we took the ION team up to Flagstaff for an unforgettable ski experience.

This month, we are inviting all of you to enjoy the great white north. There are several affordable packages available for skiers, and even non-skiers, who just want a fun trip to Flagstaff. Package price includes transportation, hotel, a free cocktail party and complimentary breakfast. For the skiers, we have lift passes, ski rental and free lessons. Check out the ad on page 29 or go to IONAZ.com for more info.

We’re excited to feature an interview with the very funny weblebrity, Brian Jordan Alvarez, creator and actor from the brilliant web series, The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo.

There’s lots going on this month including the AGRA Rodeo on February 12-14. Read the ION interview with rodeo star and circuit favorite, the World Gay Rodeo’s AllAround Cowboy, Brian Begay.

I’m so excited about this amazing issue and proud of the talented people that created it. I hope to see you all on the field, on the courts or on the slopes!

Jack M. Tesorero Athletic Supporter

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The Gay & Wondrous Life of

Brian Jordan Alvarez

Weblebrity and actor is “just a regular guy.” With talent.

by Deon Brown 24

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Y

ou know who he is. He’s one of the hip, cunning, original minds who are shaping and forging a new kind of entertainment and comedy in Hollywood today. You can’t follow a link on Facebook or YouTube without seeing the almost Cheshire Cat-like smile of Jason Greene Brian Jordan Alvarez. He’s one even as Freckle of great threats for straight men bittersweet everywhere in CollegeHumor. new web series, com’s “Gay men Will Marry The Gay and Wondrous Your Girlfriends. He’s “Eliot,” Life of Caleb Gallo. The the vicious, backstabbing brilliant series explores boy-box competition in Jimmy gay men’s interactions with Ken Kirby as Fowlie’s web series, Go-Go Boy straight, (maybe, maybe not) Lenjamin Interrupted. You’ll also recognize bi and gender fluid friends, him as the effete “Wesley Masters,” a lesbians, long distance relationships Capote wannabe in the CW Network and brunch, of course. Perhaps series Jane the Virgin (“I’m kind love is in the cards for Caleb, of a pill,” Brian describes his too. character.)

The soul-searching “Caleb 28-year-old Brian Jordan Gallo” is the human Alvarez has a growing magnet toward whom his catalogue of hilarious videos needy friends like Lenjamin on YouTube where he confronts Jimmy Fowlie McButtons, Freckle, Karen and conquers just about every as Chris (and just about everybody else subject you can imagine: astrology, in his own optimistic cosmos) plastic surgery, hooking up and rejection, gravitate. “The people in the show are friends and even bad breath. Generational of mine and that’s a very bonding experience differences (“Madonna? She’s really, to make something that’s high quality that really old.”) are examined in the painfully you like and really care about.” Look for accurate two-part “Gay Age Gap.” Or meet the brilliant Jimmy Fowlie (Go-Go Boy “Emil,” the South American who’s (more Interrupted) and Alvarez’ frequent sidekick than) “just a regular guy.”

Stephanie Koenig as the emotional “Karen.”

In 2015 he starred as “Ivan,” a shallow, party-hardy WeHo go-go boy in the aborted web series, Boy Toys. “I liked it, but I wasn’t able to sustain the energy completely,” Brian said in a critique of the single episode. “I thrive on creative control.

It was fun, but my character was a little bit bitchy in a way that I’m not. I thought we either needed to fix that or go a totally different route.”

How “gay and wondrous” is the life of Brian Jordan Alvarez?

So Brian Jordan Alvarez took the road not often taken in show business. He writes, directs and stars in the very funny and

Life in Tinseltown can be an artificial environment. The old saying goes, “Strip

“It feels great! It’s a beautiful life and I’m very grateful,” said Brian. “Life is always very imperfect, but I’m having a lot of wonderful success; I’m starting to become the star that I intended. I keep working and it’s paying off through the rough and tumble of it. I’m happy with whatever the universe offers me.”

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away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you find the real tinsel underneath.” Not for Brian.

“I really admire Los Angeles. It’s where the greatest films and television in the world are made; there’s a magic here. You can call any city that you’re in ‘shitty.’ It’s funny to marvel at all the plastic surgery here and the little idiosyncrasies about LA but I definitely don’t think it’s an evil or hollow place. It hasn’t stolen my soul. No, it’s giving it to me. Over and over!

This is where it is!

“Things can be good or bad, but when they’re good, it’s the greatest thing in the world!

When I go to movies, it’s like, ‘This is it! Captured images of reality ... moving!’”

I feel left out, maybe I’m supposed to be bitchy, but it doesn’t stick on me. I can play conniving, like I do on Jane the Virgin, but in real Stephanie life I’m very sensitive and Koenig as loving.

Karen Brian’s talent is a triple threat: he acts, writes and directs.

“Acting in my main gig. Everything else is a symptom of my acting, in a way. I just want to give my gift Brian and that’s through Jordan these performances: Alvarez as becoming these people Caleb who are relatable so that other people can feel like, ‘I’m human, seeing another person going through this experience makes me feel alive.’

“I have a gift for writing and directing and

editing—it seems like that’s what Life wants me do. It’s part of the gift—making this weird stuff,” Brian speculates. “I get messages from people With all saying that my work the different makes them feel less dimensions alone in the world; they see Shirtless that Brian Jordan that somebody as weird as Dance Party!

Alvarez projects in his me and my friends are having performances, what’s he fun and we have good lives. Maybe really like? they’re in high school and everybody’s calling them ‘faggot’ or living in some shitty “I’m a very loving person. I’m all about town where they’re stressing over part of the love. I’m not a ‘Mean Girl’ at all,” their personality that gets them in trouble. he laughs. “I’m not bitchy. Sometimes 26

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I work a lot as an actor, but there’s some important work to do which I’ll always continue to do myself,” he believes.

Brian gave a general outline what to expect from Caleb Gallo.

“We’re making five episodes to start with; regularity is the wild part. I’m allowing myself to be like James Cameron about it ... ‘Look, the next Avatar is ready when the next Avatar is ready.’ We’re gonna take our time making it good. I’m extremely excited about it. There are a lot of ideas in the air. You’ll probably have a new episode every month or even less. I think this is gonna get on TV pretty soon. I may be wrong—you never know—but I think it is,” Brian hinted broadly.

Is anything off-limits?

“I don’t think so. I want to the show to be deeply inclusive and deeply loving, the way I like to be in my life. I mean, we’re probably not gonna murder anybody in it—only because it’s off-brand.”

The first episode ends with a spontaneous, joyous, shirtless dance party with Caleb’s friends.

“There will be variations—shirtless ones and maybe even pantless,” Brian hinted.

We hope. We hope.

Watch for Brian Jordan Alvarez to appear in Gay Skit Happens, premiering on Logo TV, February 8, a half-hour show, blending pop culture parodies, recurring characters and comic critiques about modern romance produced quarterly. You can follow Brian on Twitter @brianjoralvarez and Facebook and subscribe to his YouTube channel.

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ION Arizona at Snowbowl

Join ION Arizona and your friends for a day of skiing at Snowbowl in Flagstaff, Arizona! We’ve got a fun-filled excursion including round-trip transportation, hotel, a cocktail party plus lift tickets and a free ski lesson with equipment rental. February 18 thru 19. Space is limited! Reserve your space now. For full details and reservation information see ad on p. 29. Can’t make the ION Ski Trip? Snowbowl has great specials!

Check out the ad on p. 56 to find out more!

Renaissance Festival

What ho, ye fyne gentlefolke! ‘Tis the most glorious time of the year for Arizona’s knights and damsels! Join in the fun for the 28th Annual Arizona Renaissance Festival for eight consecutive weekends, Feburary 6-March 27. This fantastical kingdom is way past Gold Canyon. Join in the Medieval fun and hilarity! (See ad on p. 30)

Bar1 8th Anniversary

Who doesn’t love a party? Bar1 is celebrating eight years in the boozy business of fun with a very special Customer Appreciation Day! Stop in and wish them Happy Birthday on Monday, February 22. All day long they’ll be happily serving everything* including premium, all specialty drinks, call, win, well and beer for half price!

3702 N. 16th St. in Phoenix. 602-266-9001 (See ad on p. 14)

*fine print: except shots and pitchers

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AGRA Rodeo

Ki-yi-yippee, yippee yay! The annual Arizona Gay Rodeo is back featuring the best in bronco-busting, steer-roping, bull-riding and more! This genuine, all-American sport brings a whole weekend of fun to the Corona Ranch & Rodeo Grounds, 7611 S. 29th Ave. at Baseline Rd. in Laveen.

For a full list of events and info, visit AGRA-Phx.com.

Remember cowboys, Charlie’s is place to be for the ho’down at night. All the hottest ho’s will be there! (Check out Charlie’s full schedule on p. 7)

SAAF Möda Provŏcateūr

The 13th Annual Möda Provŏcateūr is an event celebrating the best of Tucson style and showcasing salons & boutiques while raising funds for the programs and services of the Southern Arizona AIDS Foundation (SAAF). This fabulous night of glamour happens Sunday, March 6 at the Tucson Convention Center Grand Ballroom, 260 S. Church Ave. Go to SAAF.org or call 520-628-SAAF for information and tickets. (See ad on p. 70)

FEBRUARY 2016 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT

6-3/27 6 7 7 7 9 9 10 12-13 12-14 13-14 13 14 14 14 14 15 18-19 19-20 19 22 28

Renaissance Festival Locker Room Party Super Bowl Party Chinese New Year Party Big Game Tailgate Party Mardi Gras Party Trainrek Fat Tuesday Mini Rodeo Heaven & Hell Party AGRA Rodeo Broken Hearts Club Red Party Valentines Day Couples Special one•n•ten Fresh Brunch Anti-Valentine’s Day Party Carnaval Latino Rodeo Survivors’ Brunch ION AZ Snowbowl Excursion Dick’s Customer Appreciation Bearracuda Bar1 8th Anniversary Oscar Viewing Party

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SAAF Fashion Show

MARCH

LOCATION

CITY

near Gold Canyon BS West Scottsdale Stacy’s @ Melrose Phoenix Karamba Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix Karamba Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix BS West Scottsdale El Corona Ranch Phoenix IBT’s Phoenix Karamba Phoenix Stacy’s @ Melrose Phoenix AZ Biltmore Hotel Phoenix The Anvil Phoenix Karamba Phoenix Charlie’s Phoenix AZ Snowbowl Flagstaff Dick’s Cabaret Phoenix The Rock Phoenix Bar1 Phoenix Kobalt Phoenix February 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 33

RED & WILD

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THE ROCK

SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM

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SPRING SPORTS

Photos by Scotty Kirby

FLAG FOOTBALL

Calling all tight ends and wide receivers!

Looking to score a touchdown or two? If you’ve got what it takes, you need to join in the fun and games with everyone at The Phoenix Gay Flag Football League.

Richard Gullette III, Marcus Johnson,

Tiequon Scroggins, and Dylan Marsh are just a few of the players who meet every Saturday afternoon at Coronado Park in Central Phoenix at 1717 N. 12th Street.

Visit PhoenixFlagFootball.com for more info.

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T

he Cactus Cities Softball League is an adult slowpitch league in Phoenix.

They meet every Sunday at Cesar Chavez Park in South Phoenix for league play.

Dwight Combs, Randy Higgins, Eric Morgan, Earnesto Rodriguez, Markus

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CACTUS CITIES SOFTBALL Parker, Eli Rodriguez, and Frankie RojasSchmidt and the rest of the Charlie’s AZ Ice have been playing as a team for seven years.

The Saguaro Cup, CCSL’s big yearly tournament is April 8, 9, and 10. Check out the Saguaro Cup Sports Festival Softball Tournament online at CactusCities.com

Captain Ernest Rodriguez says, “In the last two years we’ve really united as a team and gelled on and off the field. We’re truly an extended family who I’m so proud of.”

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COURT AND SAND VOLLEYBALL W oodchucks BJ JaĂşregui, Conard Franz, Rob Wellman, and Orlando Luna dig it!

Arizona Gay Volleyball Association, Desert Volleyball Alliance, and 2Man AZVB host different types of games all 40

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through the week, with all skill levels.

Visit AZGV.org for 6- and 4-person Sand Volleyball. Visit DesertVolleyball for Indoor Court Volleyball. Visit Facebook. com/2manazvb for 2-person sand play.

Join AZGV at the Saguaro Cup Sports Festival April 8 for a 2-person Tournament!

FwB KICKBALL LEAGUE L eave it to Beaver team members Noemi Bohn, Butters the Beaver,

Angie Evans, Drea Kelly and Michelle “Chewy” Clampitt totally kick balls.

Kickball League has hosted Fall and Spring Play. This season they’re completely full -- but that doesn’t mean you can’t come get involved and cheer on your favorite team!

Since 2012, the Friends with Benefits

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ICON DODGEBALL Balls & Dolls Team Captain Nicole Ruiz rules the gym! Join her and her teammates Alaina Meeks, Jessica Ruiz, and Tindal Muzik Monday evenings in Tempe for Co-ed Foam Dodgeball! The only dodgeball league in AZ with a no

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harassment policy, ICON is 100% LGBT friendly with a very diverse membership including players from all walks of life. Chek out Facebook.com/icondodgeball. The new season starts at the end of March. Find out more at IconSportsClub.com

CACTUS TENNIS ALLIANCE Omar Garcia and Joe Do represent the Cactus Tennis Alliance, who play every Friday and Sunday evening at The Phoenix Tennis Center. The league is currently growing it’s numbers -- come out and swing your racquet!

Their annual tournament, The Cactus Open, is coming up this month on February 13-15. Deadline to sign up is coming up soon! Visit cactustennis.org/cactusopen

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SHE LOUNGE

STACY’S @ MELROSE

SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM

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April at Karamba The beautiful April Carrión is one of the most highly respected, reigning drag queens from the tropics of Puerto Rico. April competed in RuPaul’s Drag Race, season six, where she was eliminated in episode four. April Carrión brings her island magic to Karamba on Sunday, February 14 for a performance you won’t want to miss! Karamba Nightclub,1724 E. McDowell Rd. in Phoenix.

(See ad p. 11)

FEBRUARY 2016 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE

TIME

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S)

Mondays

9:30pm

Kobalt

Mondays

10:00pm Charlie’s

Drag Bingo Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men

Tuesday

10:00pm Karamba

Savannah Moussier’s Show

Tuesdays

9:00pm

Stars Choice Talent Showcase

BS West

Wednesdays 9:00pm

IBT’s

Viva La DIVA

Wednesdays 9:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th

Kira Daniels & Saellah V

Wednesdays 9:00pm

Kobalt

Wednesdays 10:30pm Karamba

Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi

Wednesdays 10:00pm Charlie’s

Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos

Thursdays

10:30pm Karamba

Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds

Thursdays

9:00pm

Cruisin’ 7th

Drag Show Bingo with Aimee V. Justice

Thursdays

9:00pm

Twisted Peacock Throwback Thursdays with Celia Putty and Coco St. James

Fridays

10:30pn

Cruisin’ 7th

Fridays

10:30

The Rock

Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles Special Event Rotating Drag Shows

Fridays

9:00pm

Plazma

Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty

Fridays

9:00pm

IBT’s

Absolutely Flawless with China Collins

Fridays

9:00pm

BS West

Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers

2nd Saturday 9:30pm

Kobalt

Celia Putty

3rd Saturday

RC Saloon

Nikki Star’s Cactus Angels

IBT’s

Starrletts with Janee Star

Saturdays

9:00pm

Saturdays

10:30pm Cruisin’ 7th

The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams

Saturdays

10:00pm The Rock

The Barbra Seville Show

Saturdays

9:30pm

Charlie’s

Pussy’s Patio Show

Sundays

8:30pm

Charlie’s

Pussy LeHoot & Friends

Sundays

10:30pm Karamba

Diamond’s Show

4th Sunday

2:00pm

“Big Sunday” with Big Booty Judy

Cruisin’ 7th

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The Notebook Has No Legs

In the mood for a five-handkerchief weepy? One of the greatest tearjerkers of all time comes to the stage—except it’s told completely by puppets. You’re guaranteed to laugh your ass off and cry your eyes out—at the same time—while you watch these puppets get fisted! February 5-20 at Playhouse on the Park at Central Arts Plaza, 1850 N. Central Ave. at Palm Ln. For info and tix visit AllPuppetPlayers.com or call 602-254-2151

Bridges of Madison County

Another sob story set, except this time set to sad, sad music. In the mood for romance with hopelessly straight people? This is the unforgettable story of two people caught between decision and desire. Boo, hoo, hoo. February 16-21 at ASU Gammage, 1200 S. Forest Ave. in Tempe. Tickets: ASUgammage.com or call 480-965-3434 or visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000.

Scorpius Dance Theatre

Fashion meets dance on the runway in CATWALK, an original contemporary dance production fusing fashions by local designers, the choreography of Lisa Starry and, of course, the sexy Scorpius dancers. Rock, pop and mix music add excitement to this event you won’t want to miss.

February 25-27 at Phoenix Theatre, 100 E. McDowell Rd. For tix visit ScorpiusDance.com or call 602-254-2151

FEBRUARY 2016 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE 4 5-20 5-20 5-21 thru 6 6 11-14 11-21 11-28 12 12-14 13 13 16-21 24-3/20 25-27 26-3/12 MARCH 4-5

EVENT COMPANY Second City Chandler Ctr. for the Arts The Notebook Has No Legs All Puppet Players - Phx Passing Strange iTheatre Collaborative - Phx Looking Over the Pres. Shoulder Blk Theatre Troupe Fences AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson Lewis Black Casino Del Sol - Tucson Jo Koy Tempe Improv Sex with Strangers AZ Theatre Co. - Tucson Fences AZ Theatre Co. - Phoenix Adam Sandler Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Steve Rannazzisi StandUp Live - Phx Comedy Get Down Tour Talking Stick Resort Arena - Phx Frank Caliendo Talking Stick Resort - Phx Bridges of Madison Cty. ASU Gammage Evita Phoenix Theatre Scorpius Dance Theatre Phoenix Theatre Wittenberg SW Shakespeare Co.

PHONE 480-782-2680 602-251-2151 602-252-8497 602-258-8219 520-622-2823 800-344-9435 480-921-9877 520-622-2823 602-256-6995 800-745-3000 480-719-6100 800-745-3000 602-719-6100 480-965-3434 602-254-2151 602-254-2151 480-644-6500

Adult Puppet Slam

602-262-2050

Great AZ Puppet Theatre

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World Gay Rodeo’s

All Around Cowboy

Greg Begay Wants to teach YOU to wrangle!

by Kevin Bushaw

ION: When did you first get involved with rodeo?

ION: Tell us about your national title.

Greg Begay: I’ve been participating in rodeo events since I was a little kid. I would search “gay rodeo” online so my parents wouldn’t find out. I got involved in AGRA in 2009. I saw the Phoenix Rodeo was coming up and I just showed up, entered and won the “Breakaway Buckle” in my first competition.

GB: I won the World Gay Rodeo Finals in Fort Worth, Texas, in 2014 and in Las Vegas, Nevada, in 2015, winning “All Around Cowboy” two years in a row.

To win you’ve got to accumulate the most points over two days of competition in timed events, roping events, camp events and rough stock. I’m really excited for this year’s WGRF because it’s in Las Vegas again and it just happens to be the same weekend as Pride.

ION: What’s your favorite Rodeo Event?

GB: Team roping—it’s a timed event with a two person team mounted on horses.

We let the steer go ahead of us and then chase it down. One person will rope the head, and the other will rope the back legs.

It’s like the top and the bottom. It’s my favorite because it requires a lot of skill and trust in your teammates. I do it every week, so I get a lot of practice. I compete in the traditional rodeos with my dad, brother or a family friend.

ION: Do people need to come from a rodeo background to participate?

GB: No, because I teach the Rodeo School. We’re always looking for new contestants; it’s something that once you try it out it’s easy to get wrapped up in and involved. Rodeo School at the Arizona Gay Rodeo is the Friday before from 9 a.m.– 4 p.m. If you’re trying out for the first time, I suggest trying Calf Roping on Foot. If Rodeo School isn’t your thing but you still want to participate, I suggest Goat Dressing or Steer Decorating. Those are fun events you’ll enjoy where you don’t need any experience to compete.

ION: Why is gay rodeo important?

GB: It’s a chance for people in the rodeo lifestyle to meet other like-minded people.

I searched for “gay rodeo” because it allowed me to find other gay people competing in the sport that I love and I developed a family with my rodeo friends.

It also gives me a chance to mentor other contestants and help them develop their skills.

ION: What’s something people might not realize about rodeo as a sport?

GB: It’s hard; people don’t know the amount of hours that goes into practice, when you have to really try hard and keep trying you develop a camaraderie. It really brings out the best in people. It’s like any tough contact sport that way. It’s also a good time to drink afterwards. (Laughs) You can also cheer on the hottest cowboy or cowgirl!

AGRA Rodeo 2016 takes place February 12 - 14, 2016 at Corona Ranch and Rodeo Grounds. 7611 S 29th Ave, Laveen AZ. For information on Rodeo school with Greg, visit agra-phx.com

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Ani DiFranco

DiFranco’s folk/pop/rock music reaches across multiple genres. A feminist icon, she has lent her name to a variety of social movements.

Now a married mother, openly bisexual supporter of gay visibility, you can see Ani when she’ll be rockin’ Arizona. FLAGSTAFF: Tues. Feb. 23 at the Orpheum Theatre, 15 W. Aspen St. TicketFly.com or 877-987-6487 MESA: Weds. February 24 the Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St. For more info and tickets go to MesaArtsCenter.com or call 480-644-6500

Nick Carter

We can’t believe it either. The cute, blonde, former “twink” of the famous boy band Backstreet Boys and twisted reality shows, House of Carters and I Heart Nick Carter is desperately searching for a career. And he’s coming to Arizona. PHX: Monday, February 29, Crescent Ballroom, 308 N. 2nd Ave. Tix: 602-716-2222, TicketFly.com or CrescentPHX.com or call 877-435-9849. TUCSON: 318 E. Congress St. For tix call 520-740-1000 or visit RialtoTheatre.com

Rihanna

Get out your umbrella-ella-ella! Everybody’s favorite Good Girl Gone Bad performer and fashion icon is coming to Phoenix with rumored boyfriend hip-hop rapper Travi$ Scott (don’t tell Chris Brown!) on Tuesday, March 1 at the Talking Stick Resort Arena (formerly US Airways Ctr.) at 201 E. Jefferson St. in Phoenix. For tickets go to TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000

FEBRUARY 2016 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 2 The Neighbourhood 3 The Neighbourhood 4 Dierks Bentley 5 Robin Thicke 6 DJ Tiesto 6 Phx Symphony: B’way Legacy 14 Manhattan Transfer 14 Smokey Robinson 18 The Tenors 19 Women of Country 20 The Tubes 20 Oak Ridge Boys 23 The Chieftains 23 Ani DiFranco 24 Ani DiFranco 27 Megadeath 27 Michael Feinstein 29 Nick Carter MARCH 1 Rihanna 1 Nick Carter 5 Johnny Mathis

LOCATION Rialto Theatre - Tucson Marquee Theatre - Tempe Bird’s Nest at TPC - Scottsdale Bird’s Nest at TPC - Scottsdale Bird’s Nest at TPC - Scottsdale Orpheum Theatre - Phx Chandler Ctr. for the Arts Wild Horse Pass - Chandler Mesa Arts Center Celebrity Theatre - Phx Talking Stick Resort - Phx Wild Horse Pass - Chandler Tucson Music Hall Orpheum Theatre - Flagstaff Mesa Arts Ctr. Comerica Theatre - Phoenix Scotts. Ctr. for the Arts Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix

PHONE 520-740-1000 480-839-0707 TPC.com TPC.com TPC.com 800-745-3000 480-782-2680 877-840-0457 480-644-6500 602-267-1600 800-745-3000 877-840-0457 800-745-3000 877-987-6487 480-644-6500 800-745-3000 480-499-8587 877-435-9849

Talking Stick Resort Arena Rialto Theatre - Tucson Celebrity Theatre - Phx

800-745-3000 520-740-1000 602-267-1600

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

Chairlift Moth In all truth, Chairlift should’ve faded into the background after their Apple commercial worthy “Bruises” became and electro indie anthem in 2008. Looking back, their obvious 80s influences were ahead of the curve, preceding bands like HAIM and CHVRCHES who’ve taken the decade’s nuances straight to the bank. With Moth, their first album in four years, Chairlift could break out to the front of the race that they started.

While others were carrying the baton, frontwoman Caroline Polachek scored music for New York Fashion week shows and wrote the sultry “No Angel” for Beyoncé’s 2014 self-titled release. In Moth we find another Beyoncé-worthy banger with “Ch-Ching;” part “Check On It,” part Snoop Dogg’s “Drop it Like it’s Hot,” the song is undeniably a hit.

“Crying in Public” highlights Polachek’s vulnerability with apologetic lyrics atop a sophisticated 80’s shuffle beat. Moth reaches Gloria Estefan heights with “Show You Off, “Romeo” and “Moth to the Flame.”

In a time where electronic dance music has become the obnoxious EDM it is today, Moth is a lively and focus return to the Golden Age of Pop. Available Now

SIA This is Acting

Name a hit song in the past decade and chances are they were probably penned by a behind-the-scenes songwriting machine like Ryan Tedder,

(“Rolling In the Deep”) or Max Martin (“Can’t Feel My Face,” “Shake it Off”). Only one songwriter crossed over into the limelight.

40-year-old Sia Furler had been in the industry for nearly two decades, catching the attention of Christina Aguilera, Rihanna and Beyoncé who were offering up to a million dollars for a SIA penned hit.

She was pushed into stardom when collaborators David Guetta and Flo-Rida refused to remove her demo vocals off their respective hits “Titanium” and “Wild Ones.”

Furler sold the hits all the while releasing more intimate and experimental solo efforts.

It wasn’t until she released the 2014 RiRitinged alcoholic anthem “Chandelier” did she garner the stardom she’d long deserved.

With This is Acting, Sia reclaims the hits she wrote for others. Originally written for Adele, “Bird Set Free” and “Alive” are hard-hitting blockbusters that would’ve exploded off of 25. Rihanna was wrong turning down the sprite/reggae party anthem, ”Cheap Thrills”.

A Kanye West collaboration would seem like a misstep, but “Reaper” works. Written for herself, “One Million Bullets” is the high point of the album with its vocal effects and lyrics about being a martyr for love.

Available Now Bowie

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - “SONG” David Bowie – “Blackstar” Alunageorge – “I’m In Control” St. Lucia – “Help Me Run Away” Grimes – ”Kill V. Maim” The Range – “Florida” PJ Harvey – “The Wheel” Future – “Inside The Mattress” Timbaland – “Shakin’” feat. Aaliyah Radiohead – ”Spectre” Flume – “Never Be Like You” February 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

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ionazeditor@me.com

Equal & Awful to have a niche in LGBT themed films: A Single Man, Far From Heaven, The Kids Are All Right, The Hours) brings her usual captivating best to the screen. Page is appropriately unsure and restrained as the “butch” and devoted Andree.

Freeheld

(2015) Starring: Julianne Moore, Ellen Page, Michael Shannon, Steve Carell There are movies that are “must sees” in the LGBT lexicon about the struggle for acceptance and equality (a fight that is still far from over despite the Supreme Court ruling legalizing same-sex marriage.)

Along with movies like Milk, Jeffrey, Brokeback Mountain, Philadelphia and a number of others, Freeheld (2015) should be included.

A true story in the not so distant past, we meet Ocean City, New Jersey’s Det. Laurel Hester (Moore, Still Alice), a 23-year star veteran of the police force. Deeply closeted, she meets and falls in love with the younger, blue collar, Stacie Andree (openly “out” actor Page, Juno). The two quietly forge a relationship. In 2005 Hester was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.

Despite their legally binding domestic partnership, the city council (called “Freeholders”) denies Hester’s application to assign her pension to Andree claiming “fiduciary responsibility.” The fight amplifies as Hester withers away. Only by threatening the freeholders with exposing double- and triple-dipping with their own pensions to help tip the scale.

Shannon, (Revolutionary Road) stars as Hester’s partner, giving a powerful, nuanced performance. Carrel (Little Miss Sunshine) is the loud, in-your-face activist Steven Goldstein. I wasn’t quite convinced that he still isn’t Michael Scott, the lovable micromanager from The Office.

The ethereal, golden Moore (who seems

A sad tale about politics and money, Freeheld is ultimately a story about fighting for the right to love.

A fascinating complement on the disc is the original 2007 documentary which inspired this movie. Available February 2 ★★★★★

Stonewall (2015) Starring: Jonny Beauchamp, Jeremy Irvin, Jonathan Rhys Meyers Much has been made about this wellintentioned but misguided film—a very fictionalized account about the very real watershed 1969 event in the fight for LGBT rights known as the Stonewall Riots.

Briefly: Outed at home, wholesome teen Danny Winters (Irvine, Warhorse) flees Indiana for New York City. He falls in with a scruffy band of drag queens, hustlers and other “homosexuals,” like Ray (the stand out and the real star, Beauchamp, Penny Dreadful). Activist Trevor (Rhys Meyers, The Tudors) screws Danny and leaves him, but ignites a flame for revolt.

Pandemonium ensues! Then everything’s better.

Poorly scripted and questionable direction.

But see what you think. Available now. ★★☆☆☆☆ February 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 59

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Viva

Hidden Havana, Cuba, suffocating in its decrepit glory, piques the interest Americans who’ve been denied the decaying splendors of the island until recently.

Irish filmmakers present this tale of (officially) forbidden gay life in Havana.

Jesus, a crossdressing hairdresser chases his dream of breaking free of his strained existence and gaining a chance of becoming what he has always wanted: a famous drag queen. Meanwhile, he does makeup for a troupe of drag queens who show him the “ropas,” so to speak.

As “Viva,” he gets his chance to take the stage when a stranger lunges from the crowd and punches him. The stranger is his father, who has been absent from Jesus’ life for 15 years. As father and son clash over their opposing expectations of each other, Viva becomes a love story as the men struggle to understand one another and become a family again. Viva promises to tear at your tuck and break your heart.

Presented at the Telluride and Venice Film Festivals, it missed an expected Oscar nomination. Spanish with English subtitles.

Opens February 5

Zoolander No. 2

Starring: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Penelope Cruz Supermodels Derek Zoolander (Stiller, Meet the Fockers) and his former runway

rival Hansel McDonald (Wilson, Wedding Crashers) are living in Europe, forgotten and irrelevant.

Villain Jacobim Mugatu (Ferrell, Anchorman franchise) is set free and is seeking revenge when musical celebrities are systematically assassinated with Derek Zoolander’s iconic “Blue Steel” look frozen on their faces.

Interpol recruits the really, really, really ridiculously good looking duo to infiltrate the world of high fashion to put a stop to it.

Cameos by Justin Bieber, Usher, and—unforch— Kanye West and Kim Kardashian torture filmgoers.

Meanwhile: People are howling over cis-actor Benedict Cumberbatch’s over-the-top portrayal of the androgyne, trans, non-binary supermodel. You can’t please everyone.

Opens February 12

Gods of Egypt

Starring: Gerard Butler, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Brenton Thwaites This hot mess takes place in ancient Egypt’s Old Kingdom, Fifth Dynasty around 2400 B.C. Everyone’s really White and speaks with a British accent, because it’s lends classical authenticity. Who cares? Lots of muscles.

Opens February 26

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Whyld Ass T

here’s lots of reasons to go vegan.

Ethical. Nutritional. But usually, “it tastes better” isn’t among the reasons people cite as switching to a completely plantbased diet. My pet peeve about eating vegan is that I feel like the food is missing something. Whyld Ass in Flagstaff combats that idea with food that tastes great, feels complete and surpisingly meaty. In addition to being completely vegan—no animal products of any kind— they use 100% organic, 100% GMO free veggies in everything they prepare.

Whyld Ass also offers carefully brewed coffees, a wide variety of teas (including herbal), cold pressed juices, smoothies, Kombucha and apple cider tonics. We opted to try one of their beet smoothies with cherry, kale, avocado & beet juice— the Patagonia Pleasure ($5.50).

Delicious, yet not-too-sweet, you can also try the La Brasileña with kale, mango, bananas, orange juice and chia or Momma’s Molé made with strawberries, mangos, carob, chipotle, Vietnamese cinnamon, rice milk and agave.

For dinner we started off with the Raw Nori Rolls ($9) a sushi-like appetizer wrapped in seaweed and topped with chia seed “caviar.” Texturally, this is a wholly satisfying dish with a blend of crunchy shredded carrots and sunflower sprouts with creamy avocado and smooth shredded beets.

The chia seeds absolutely mimic the texture of a smaller variety of roe; add a touch of Spirulina—a nutrient-rich blue-green algae dietary supplement—there’s a clear,

briny aroma. The wasabi-coconut dipping sauce has a generous acidity combined with that great horseradish flavor and heat to complement the little bites.

All the salads at Whyld Ass can also be made into wraps, so we tried the Baked Black Bean Falafel Salad ($11) both ways.

We loved the perfectly baked falafel with the cool, crisp mixed herbs and greens with vine ripened tomatoes, crisp cucumber, black olives and local alfalfa micro-sprouts.

The house-made roasted garlic and tahini dressing would be a great accent on anything. This is a definite “must-try.”

Whyld Ass offers five different tempting sandwiches. The Mean Aubergine ($11) is a play on an eggplant parmesan sandwich with house-made, non-dairy potato-oat mozzarella, fresh marinara and walnut parmesan cheese.

Coming in from a long cold day of skiing? Try their classic Grilled Cheese & Tomato Soup ($11) made with house-made potato-oat mozzarella cheese and fresh kale served alongside a dusky, smoked tomato bisque. Make sure to show your Snowbowl lift pass, too, because

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pickled celery along with grilled, herbed vegetables. Bring your appetite! the gents at Whyld Ass offer a 10% discount to skiers and snowboarders coming off the mountain.

The guys recently added a BuildYour Own Pizzetta ($13) that starts with a wholesome, delicious crust and balsamic pizza sauce with rich, creamy, dairy-free Daiya cheese. You can select three ingredients like the lentil sausage, balsamic onions and local olives. You can select a gluten-free tortilla or bread for just $1 more.

Looking for something really satisfying? Try their Dinner Loaf ($15) mimicking mom’s traditional Monday night meatloaf, except now it’s made with a thoughtful fusion of walnuts, lentils and herbs over smashed potatoes, a rich sage tomato gravy,

Back in March 2015, Whyld Ass founders and vegan cuisine masterminds Ryan and Keith Whyld migrated up to the rustic high country of Flagstaff from the southern Arizona copper country of Bisbee where they ran a beloved coffee shop and B&B. Now they’re on the move again later this month to a new location right in the middle of downtown at 121 E Birch St. Re-opening in mid-February, we’re excited to see their new café right in the heart of the city. You’ll go wild over Whyld Ass when you discover that vegan cuisine has more to offer than you ever thought possible.

Whyld Ass 121 E. Birch St. Re-opening mid-February

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Photos by Scotty Kirby Text by Deon Brown Models are Jacob and Cowboy from Dick’s Cabaret. Special thanks to Cynthia, Janice, Ira and Lisa. Shot on location at Twin Acres School of Riding.

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There never was a cowboy who couldn’t be throwed.

There never was a horse that couldn’t be rode.

The annual AGRA Rodeo comes to the Corona Ranch & Rodeo at 7611 S. 29th Ave. in Laveen. For a full schedule of events and more information visit AGRA-Phx.com.

After watching all those fine, talented cowboys ropin’, ridin’ and bronco bustin’ you’ve probably worked up quite an appetite for some hot, manly entertainment.

We rustled up a couple of the sexiest cowpokes workin’ who know how to tame a wild stallion.

We suggest you make their acquaintance for some fancy dancin’ and fine conversation that you ain’t likely to forget. Because once they drop their blue jeans for you, well ...

Just remember, if you climb in the saddle, be ready for the ride.

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IONTUCSON

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February 2016

Vol. 9, Issue 10

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Hillary’s 22 “Top Secret” Emails OUTRAGEOUS! Revealed!

Washington D.C. – The U.S. State Department classified 22 of former Secretary of State and U.S. presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton’s emails as classified.

Sept. 17, 2012, 14:03 p.m. “What are you doing for lunch?

Jimmy Johns sounds good. I’ll have a #9 Italian Nightclub, heavy sauce.”

Dec. 02, 2012, 20:18 p.m. “I really don’t like John McCain.

I said it and I’m not sorry. Asshole.”

The 37 pages contain information deemed Feb. 08, 2013, 07:43 a.m. “Bill “sensitive” when reviewed by just told me that I have cankles–again!

State Department ANY RESEMBLANCE TO asTHE IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Doesn’t he think I know that?

Monica told me he officials despite not being marked “top TRUTH secret” when they were drafted and sent. Much told her the same thing back in ‘98.” has been made of Clinton’s private email server State Department officials continue to scrutinize and has haunted her since its existence was the emails to see how potentially damaging the revealed. information they contain is.

OUTrageous investigative reporters gained access to the sensitive emails and reveal their “If North Korea or even Putin gets wind about Mrs. Clinton’s cankles, this could be devastating contents in this exclusive exposé. to our national security,” said one anonymous May 06, 2010, 09:37 a.m. “I hate my hair. official.

What should I do with it?”

OUTRAGEOUS!

OUTRAGEOUS!

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OUTRAGEOUS! SeaWorld Says, “Orcas Out! Pandas In!”

OUTRAGEOUS!

SAN DIEGO – The raging controversy concerning the captivity and treatment of the Orcas, or “Killer Whales” in famed San Diego theme park SeaWorld forced administrators’ hands to release the animals back into their native oceans.

Academy to Offer Dual OUTRAGEOUS! Oscars

The popular show featuring famous whales like Shamu has been a major attraction for SeaWorld. Documentaries like “Black Fish” Hollywood – Reacting to the racially the park’s practices of keeping the charged accusations that voting ANY RESEMBLANCE TO members THE TRUTHbrought IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL whales in captivity into question. of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences deliberately shut out actors and movies starring people of color or representing movies detailing the Black experience, the Academy will compromise by offering two statuettes to future winners: a bleached, colorless, “Whitewashed” Oscar for the “honkies,” and the the “Black Oscar,” which will be an ebony-colored award with a distinguishing “afro” hairstyle for actors of African descent.

“We are rectifying the situation immediately,” said a representative from SeaWorld. “We will no longer feature a show with the majestic orcas. We are replacing the controversial show with, ‘Killer Pandas’ immediately.”

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

Giant Pandas have been brought in from the mountainous regions of central China they live in bamboo forests. They are ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTHwhere IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL currently being trained to swim and jump “We attempt to integrate and celebrate through fiery hoops and perform aquatic the plurality of all experiences in motion ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL tricks. pictures,” said one anonymous AMPAS official. “We can’t let Meryl Streep win every time she’s nominated, although we understand she does a great Ebonics accent.”

“They’re not particularly adept to ocean living conditions,” said one trainer, “but maybe this will keep the whale rights activists off our back.

OUTRAGEOUS! Writer and director Spike Lee approved of the Black Oscar, which is odd, because he rarely approves of anything.

Tickets to the Killer Panda Water Show are available at SeaWorld.com

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Dear Miss Tiger,

T

his month’s installment of Favorite Bitch® is all about Fast Food and Fast Lovin’. Fasten your seatbelts, Hunties ... it’s going to be a bumpy ride!

My man and I were supposed to have lunch at Chipotle. Before I knew it we were in the restroom having sex. Should I be worried he’ll want to do this sort of thing all the time?

— Bottom from Encanto

Dear Miss Tiger,

Dear You Bettah WERK,

I met a sweet guy at the club. Afterwards, he invited me to breakfast at McDonald’s.

I decided we should go our separate ways because dude was cheap! What do you think?

You didn’t get stuffed from the Barbacoa Burrito, however, you did get stuffed from behind. Next time you two make a pit stop at Chipotle, be less worried about getting dick and more worried about getting E. Coli!

— Caleb Dear I Think Your Attitude Is Tired ... Like A Drive-Thru Cashier Workin’ A Double Shift, You should’ve been delighted that homeboy was willing to give you a free meal.

Especially when the only thing that ‘dudes from the club’ give you for free ... is a sexually transmitted disease.

NEXT! Dear Miss Tiger, This may sound really weird. I’m gay but I want a straight married man to TOP me. (I don’t want someone bisexual nor DL.) Got any advice on how to find one?

— College Freshman Dear Don’t You Have Some Homework To Do? Folks who like playing with excrement in public toilets are writing to me, therefore, your situation isn’t all that weird and it sure as hell ain’t that unique.

Sashay on over to your nearest Waffle House around 3 a.m. At that time of the morning, any hole will do—and you’ll get the straight trade you’ve been lusting for!

Be careful, Boo ... ‘cause you might just get an ass whippin’ to go along with it!

Dear Miss Tiger, My boyfriend found empty Burger King bags hidden in my car. He called me fat and it hurt my feelings. How do I put him in check?

— Omar Dear Leave Your Pride And Your Trash At Burger King ... And Not Your Back Seat, Darling ... I’m sure the mirror hurts your feelings more than your man ever could.

You wouldn’t be in this predicament had you managed his smart-ass mouth the way you manage the steering wheel while simultaneously devouring a Triple Whopper Sandwich in one hand and guzzlin’ down a 40 ounce Mello Yello in the other!

Need advice? Write, Tweet or Facebook me and get the answers you’ve been looking for!

MISS TIGER Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Facebook /MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com February 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

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by Addison DeWitt

NEWS ITEM: Word is our very own Ted “Mr. Ubiquitous’ Kirby (A) attended the hot ‘n’ hairy Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend in Washington, D.C. last month where he explored all things leathery ... suede, nubuck, full-grain, top-grain, A (and probably bottom-grain, too) rawhide, patent leather (and probably even a little bit of Naugahyde and even B “pleather,” too.) I heard a few scandalizing details leaked about his purported sexploits in our Nation’s Capital, but propriety forbids my listing everything here. I will say, C however, that I heard that Ted “found out exactly what rubber sheets are for.”

Tell, us, Ted: exactly what are rubber sheets for?

D NEWS ITEM: Sailing! Sailing!

Over the bounding main!

Phoenix’s loveliest landlubbers Piper M’Shay and Luna Love St. James sailed the high-heeled seas on a ship full of money-hungry drag queens from RuPaul’s Drag Race scrambling for tips on the Lido Deck of Royal Caribbean’s “Adventure of the Sea.” And what an adventure that must have been for eight long, long days listening to Alaska Thunderfuck bleating her signature, “Hiiiii.” Over and over and over again. It must’ve been hilarious watching the shady

queens stealing pork chops, short ribs, baked potatoes and dinner rolls to eat in their staterooms when nobody’s looking.

BS West’s deliriously demented Jonny Noir (B) pooped on the Poop Deck with RPDR veteran Ongina at a wacky ‘n’ cracky “Alice in Wonderland Party.”

Wow. Now that’s an original theme!

Oh, drama and Dramamine! What a combo! Welcome back to dry land, girls! We missed you!

NEWS ITEM: The stars at night shine big and bright (clap, clap, clap, clap) deep in the heart of Texas. But they’ll be just a little dimmer here in Arizona. We bid farewell to Josh “Sasha Sinclair” Kline & Javier “Grecia Montes d’Occo” Kline (C) who are leaving for Houston. “¡Vaya con Díos,” my darlings!

NEWS ITEM: Congrats go out to Barbra Seville (D) who just celebrated five years, over 260 shows and endless revolutions of the Wheel of Shots! Entertainer and philanthropist, the Seville Thrill, reached a fever pitch as she donated buckets of money to the Phoenix Pride Scholarship Fund. And I mean buckets! Pride’s dreamy Director of Development, Clayton Scherf, cozied up to his best beau, Chris Davenport (E) in the audience. Mind if I shoehorn my way in between you, boys? Believe me ... I’ll use a crowbar and slip E you a couple of roofies to do it if I have to. Just watch me. Oh, just watch me.

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T

he New Moon on February 8 brings challenges. Okay, actually a couple of crises. Don’t be too impulsive. Venus brings issues with getting or keeping Love. Mars incites disturbances and discomfort. Don’t put off dealing with issues; experiment with new ways of resolving conflict. A resolution brings a big surprise and a stimulating encounter. Feeling a tickle “down there”? You will. Oh, believe you me, you will.

Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 That old black magic that you weave so well, that old black magic has someone in its spell. You’ll find your charm works wonders on someone special–except for one person. They’re bitchy anyway.

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20 Are you taking a chance on love? If so, it just might not pay off, we hate to tell you.

Blame Venus in Crisis. Someone better come along next month. If you’re already in love, protect that investment. Something expensive often works.

Gemini May 21 - June 21 Use a little tact and subtlety when dealing with a romantic situation. Harmony is what you’re aiming for. Your unorthodox way of dealing with things makes you a wild card, especially in bed. Aquarians love that funky, freaky stuff.

Cancer June 22 - July 22 You have this meticulous military precision with everything you do. Even lovemaking.

People almost think you’re German. Jupiter in retrograde ‘til May expands your ability to get more out of things happening almost daily. Crack that whip, bitch!

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 Have you noticed? You’re experiencing a lucky streak; you have Jupiter to thank for that. A promotion keeps your career solid and you’ve earned respect. You’re guaranteed to get laid, if you aren’t already.

Frankly, we’re jealous.

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Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 Despite some ups and downs you’re guaranteed some fortunate influences that keep you motivated. A love connection has a past-life feel to it. You may have known them in Ancient Greece, so bend over!

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 Pluto is responsible for a large scale transformation that’s been building up over the last few years. You’re experiencing some Shakespearian drama. there aren’t any knives, but there’s some illicit love.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 You’re feeling a strong pull toward spiritual growth and higher awareness. That’s good, as long as we don’t find you working for the Scientologists. Charisma and passion lures someone into your path. Hot! Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 You’ve had a boost in self-confidence and greater personal power over others. Your relationships are especially harmonious and you may be called on to heal a broken heart.

And you know what that means. There’s a sure thing out there.

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 You might break some hearts, but you’ll also break some chains that bind you. You’re normally steadfast, resolute–some even say a little boring. This month you use chains for some hot bondage and discipline.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 Whitney was right: The greatest love of all is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself has never been a problem. You’re pretty good at loving a lot of people, frankly.

Birthday Water Bearers can expect some kinky loving that rocks your orbit.

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 You’ve been plagued with a humdrum routine. You need excitement. A trip to someplace where nobody knows you (or your reputation) is a good idea. You’re feeling sexy. If it’s your birthday, you may be abducted by aliens. That’s your excuse, anyway. Go ahead and stick with it.