ION Arizona #175

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ONESIE BAR CRAWL

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A Z GAY BA R BUS

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FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS KICKBALL

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STEELE INDIAN SCHOOL PARK

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WILD MEN OF THE WEST

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KARAMBA

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WINTER WONDERLAND

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LOS DIABLOS

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AZ GAY VOLLEYBALL FALL SEASON PARTY

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PLAZMA

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830 N. 1st Ave., Unit 203 Phoenix, AZ 85003 (602) 308-4662 www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com PUBLISHER / FOUNDER Jack M. Tesorero ............................................ jacktesorero@me.com

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Kevin Bushaw ..................................................... kbushaw@me.com EDITOR Deon Brown ................................................... ionazeditor@me.com OFFICE MANAGER Dean Dill .......................................................... dean.dill@icloud.com

COPY EDITOR .......................................................... Austin Head GRAPHIC DESIGNER ......................................... Angel Jimenez PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS

ionazproduction@me.com

ADVERTISING SALES Jack Tesorero ............................................................ (602) 750-1164

jacktesorero@me.com

PHOTOGRAPHERS:

Fernando Hernandez Franklin Diaz Scotty Kirby Sean Kapera Stephanie Anne Donoghue NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 CONTRIBUTORS:

Addison DeWitt C. Edwards Ted Kirby

Peter Lora Paul Sanchez Miss Tiger

Published monthly by

1995-2016: 21 Years of Design and Creative Excellence Š 2016 JMT Designs, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

PRINTED IN PHOENIX, AZ

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee.

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not necessarily reflect the views of ION Arizona, its staff, or that of its parent company.

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are published with the understanding that the advertisers are fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of such content.

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LIP SYNC BATTLE

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KO BA LT

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To New Beginnings I

love a new year. A time to reflect on the past, be thankful for what you have and plan for a better future.

I am the luckiest person in the world. I have a great family that loves and accepts me and I have a wonderful support group with my close friends. My employees, contributors and my business partners help ION grow. Our community is flourishing. It’s a great day to be a member of the Arizona LGBT community.

I’ve had three partners in my life. All brought me happiness, love, sex, companionship and friendship. With every relationship I learn a lot about myself and about life. Kevin Bushaw was my shining star. The love of my life. The fire that ignited me. Unfortunately, all fires eventually burn out. We’ve parted ways personally, but I will always cherish the great times and forget the bad. I’ll always have a part of him in my heart.

In this issue we take you to Arizona Snow Bowl as we hit the slopes in our “Ski Spree” feature on page 70. While

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the East coast is experiencing record heat, Flagstaff has been receiving record snowfall. We also take you back to one of the most iconic films of the 80s, Mommie Dearest. We interviewed Rutanya Alda who co-starred as Joan Crawford’s personal assistant “Carol Ann” on page 36. She had plenty to tell us about the movie and Faye Dunaway. We also talked to Mr. Leather 2015 “Pup” Tugger about his experiences on page 44. We preview this year’s Desperado Film Festival features on page 30. Remember, as you enjoy our nightlife, be sure to ride Discount Cab, Lyft or bar hop on the new AZ Gay Bus! How was your year? What are you thankful for? What will you do to improve your life and your community?

With a new year and a new lease on life, I’m ready to take on the world. So if you’re looking for a sexy Italian man with a job, message me on Facebook. To new beginnings!

Have a great New Year!

Jack Tesorero, Publisher

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Free Pizza at Flex

Pizza. What’s your favorite “topping”? How ‘bout extra sausage? Oh, yeah. You know you love it. Yeah. You love it. Pizza, that is!

Every Wednesday you can get FREE pizza at the Flex Spa from 4-6 p.m. (while supplies last.) Flex Spa: A discreet health club for discerning gentlemen–who like pizza. 1517 S. Black Canyon Hwy, Phoenix.

602-271-9011.

FLEXspas.com

Phoenix Leather Weekend

Calling all Leather men, boys, pups, doms, subs and enthusiasts! Be part of tradition of Phoenix Leather Weekend and catch the 8th annual Mr. Phoenix Leather contest. Catch all the activities January 7-10. For info, tickets and more info visit MrPhoenixLeather.com

Desperado Film Festival

See some of the best, most thought-provoking and daring LGBTQ cinema at the Desperado Film Festival. Award winning feature length films, short films and documentaries. Stay for discussions with directors, actors and writers. Sponsored in part by ION Arizona. Friday, January 29 thru Sunday, January 31 at Paradise Valley Community College, 18401 N. 32nd St. in Phoenix. For details and tickets visit DesperadoFilmFestival.com (See ad p. 33)

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Country Idol Prelims

Hey, buckaroos! if you can call cattle you might be the next Country Idol at the 2016 AGRA Roadrunner Rodeo! Preliminary contests are: Thurs Jan 7 at R-Lounge 7 p.m. • Sat Jan 9 at Kobalt 9 pm • Wed Jan 13 at Diablos 7 pm • Sun Jan 17 at Aqua 6 p.m. • Tues. Jan 19 Stacy’s at 9 p.m. • Fri Jan 22 at OZ 9 p.m. • Mon Feb 1 Karamba 9 p.m. • Wed Feb 3 at Cash Inn at 8 p.m. • Thurs Feb 4 at Anvil at 9 p.m. • Tues Feb 9 at 8 p.m.

Chinese New Year at Karamba

Gung hey fat choy! Where else would you celebrate Chinese New Year but at Karamba? Ring in the Year of the Monkey with Diamond Dallas and friends! There’s no cover, either! (We sure hope they have some Mexican Egg Rolls!) Sunday, February 7 from 6-9 p.m. 1724 E. McDowell Rd. Ph: 602-254-0231 (See ad p. 13)

JANUARY 2016 ION EVENTS LISTINGS DATE

EVENT

LOCATION

Tues.

Trainwreck Tuesdays

Charlie’s

Phoenix

CITY

Weds.

Free Pizza

Flex Spa

Phoenix

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Valley’s Got Talent

RC Saloon

Phoenix

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Stripper Pole Olympics Preview

Dick’s Cabaret

Phoenix

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Stripper Pole Olympics

Dick’s Cabaret

Phoenix

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MLK Weekend

Charlie’s

Phoenix

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WMW GoGo Boys Palooza

Karamba

Phoenix

22 Andaluz

Karamba Phoenix

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Turnabout Show

RC Saloon

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She lounge

Stacy’s @ Melrose Phoenix

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Desperado LGBT Film Festival

Paradise Valley CC Phoenix

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WMW Underwear Auction

Karamba

Phoenix

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AGRA Fundraiser

RC Saloon

Phoenix

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Country Idol Prelim

Karamba

Phoenix

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Renaissance Festival

Near Gold Canyon

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Chinese New Year Celebration

Karamba

Phoenix

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Big Hair Bingo

Kobalt

Phoenix

Phoenix

FEBRUARY

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Love movies? Don’t miss out on the seventh annual Desperado LGBT Film & Arts Festival, January 29-31. This weekend of movies showcases award winning feature films, shorts and documentaries from around the world that interest, intrigue and inspire our community, inviting thoughtful conversation and a chance to examine what unites us and brings us together.

For more information and tickets, visit DesperadoFilmFestival.com Here’s the schedule of this year’s films with a brief synopsis of each picture.

Friday, January 29 Out to Win

From the director of Small Town Gay Bar and Continental, this documentary examines of the lives and careers of aspiring and professional gay and lesbian athletes worldwide who’ve fought and struggled, both in and out of the closet, to represent the LGBT community and their true selves. Showing as part of the Diversity Leadership Alliance Workshop. 8 a.m.-12 noon

Akron

This opening night film captures the spirit of falling in love for the first time—then challenging that excitement with a difficult family secret. Benny and Christopher are young lovers from Ohio who have a much more intertwined history than either of them know.

Screening followed by a Q&A with Brian O’Donnell, Director, and Matthew Frias, Actor 7:30 p.m.

Saturday, January 30 Crystal is a 10-year-old transgender girl growing up in rural Canada. After being denied the right to join local athletics teams due to her gender, Crystal and her mom discover the Vagine Regime, an international queer collective of roller derby players with people of all shapes, sizes and identities.They accept Crystal and actively support her journey. 12 noon

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In the Turn

Mixed Shorts

Thought provoking, shocking and sometimes hilarious short films. 1:55 p.m.

Death in Buenos Aires

Academy Award nominee Demian Bichir stars as a veteran police inspector who teams up with a handsome rookie cop attempting to solve a murder that leads the duo into the sordid gay nightlife in Argentina. As the case unfolds, an erotic charge develops between the two men that threatens to change both their lives.

Spanish with English subtitles. 3:30 p.m

Clambake

Is there a lesbian capital city in the U.S.? We can make a great case for Provincetown, Massachusetts. This documentary chronicles the lives of founding lesbians who made P-town a bucket list destination for women.

Followed by Q&A with director Andrea Meyerson. 5:30 p.m.

Closet Monster

Teenage angst, desire and escapism packed into an amazing portrait of sexual identity and growing into manhood. Oscar’s past and his present collide, threatening to take over his relationships with his friend, Gemma, love interest Wilder and his own father. A wildly imaginative twist on coming-of-age. 8 p.m.

Sunday, January 31 Mixed Shorts 12:15 p.m.

The New Girlfriend

Deeply depressed Claire begins spending more time with David, the husband of her recently deceased best friend. As Claire’s love for David resurfaces, she makes an unannounced visit to David’s house and makes a surprising discovery that gives her a new taste for life. An exploration of cross-dressing, gender fluidity and desire, adapted from a story by the British mystery writer Ruth Rendell, is mischievous, sentimental, subversive and silly.

French with English subtitles 1:50 p.m.

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Stuff

After 14 years together, Deb and Trisha—a couple struggling to find themselves and each other, are miles apart. Hot single mom and tattoo artist Jamie enters the picture. Deb craves adult company and an unmistakable intensity develops between them. What will it take for Deb and Trisha to face the status of their life together? An honest, emotional, down-to-earth film about how easy it is to take our loved ones for granted—and how important it is take care of our “stuff.“ 4 p.m.

Closing Film: Those People

to

On Manhattan’s Upper East Side, a young painter, Charlie, finds the man of his dreams in an older pianist. If only Charlie weren’t secretly in love with his manipulative best friend, Sebastian. Their group of friends must confront the new realities of adulthood. Brimming with erotic tension, this film places a microscope on upper-crust, young, gay New Yorkers involved in a deliciously complicated love triangle.

6 p.m.

The Desperado LGBT Film Festival is held at Paradise Valley Community College - Center for Performing Arts 18401 N. 32nd St. in Phoenix Info@DesperadoFilmFestival.com Email: info@desperadofilmfestival.com

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ION HOLIDAY PARTY

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WAREHOUSE 813

SEE MORE GREAT PICTURES AT IONAZ.COM

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Mommie

The

Dearest Diary

Carol Ann Tells All

by Deon Brown 36

Rutanya Alda’s New Book Dishes Dunaway

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tand in the middle of a gay bar and scream, “No more wire hangers!” and wait for the ensuing mêlée when everybody starts quoting “No wire hangers!” favorite lines from Dunaway’s the 1981 cult classic Crawford howler, Mommie Dearest. “Bring me the axe!” “I am not one of your fans!” “Don’t fuck with me, fellas.”

“This ain’t my first time at the rodeo!” It’s a goldmine for outrageous quotes. Gays adore it.

When Paramount released the biopic about glamorous movie star Joan Crawford based on the best selling 1978 book of the same name by Joan’s daughter Christina Crawford, audiences were expecting an Oscar-worthy picture. Boy, were they surprised. The (at times) cringeworthy picture arguably destroyed the career of Academy Award winning actress Faye Dunaway.

Rutanya Alda, “Carol Ann,” the film’s cinematic “gal Friday” to star Faye Dunaway’s Crawford, kept a diary during filming. Only in the last few years did Alda learn of the LGBT community’s fanatical devotion to the picture, spurring her on to publish her diary in book form.

Miss Alda chatted with ION Arizona, enthusiastically discussing her Arizona years after her family emigrated from Latvia to the United States and, of course, Mommie Dearest, her detailed diaries and why she kept them. It’s a good thing she did, too. As Faye Dunaway’s Joan Crawford lectured, “You see, Carol Ann, you have to stay on top of things every single minute.” (It never stops, does it?)

The Woman Behind Carol Ann: “When we came to America in ‘51 you had to be vetted and sponsored; you couldn’t come here without work or use any benefits until you became a citizen. That’s how we ended up in Flagstaff. We were so poor; I was working at the Ramada Inn full time and going to college at NAU—then it was Arizona State College.

The Orpheum Theatre is where I saw my movies.

“The book is in three parts: who was I before I was “Carol Ann,” covering my journey to America, growing up in Flagstaff. It moves to 1964 and New Alda as Carol Ann York City where I got my first paid acting job in film. I was living in a walk-up in the East Village—a real dump. I lived there until the ceiling fell in on me in the 70s.

My first Screen Actor’s Guild job was in Up the Down Staircase. Then I got six weeks on Rosemary’s Baby, where I photo-doubled for Mia Farrow.

“The main part of the book is the diary I kept because I was going through some very difficult personal issues. My husband, Richard Bright, a brilliant actor and a wonderful man, was a heroin addict. I was having enormous issues with Faye Dunaway.

Everyone was walking on eggshells and afraid they’d be fired. Journaling helped me balance myself.

“Part three sums everything up with some answers to questions. Little did I know that 30 years later people would want to read it.”

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On Faye Dunaway: “I looked dowdy and plain because Faye Dunaway & the director Frank Rutanya Alda Perry said, ‘You look too good. If you look this good, Faye will have you fired and there’s nothing I can do about it.’ I had no power. She was upstaging the hell out of me. In the Mildred Pierce rehearsal scene she slapped me three times—really hard. I think my hearing was permanently damaged from one of those slaps. That’s how it started with Faye. There were some days where I was very sympathetic toward her. I record stories of other people in the movie: the makeup person, the hair person, the stunt people, what they said and their perspective.

“During filming somebody said, ‘Faye is channeling Joan Crawford on the set!’ The makeup and hair person who knew Crawford said, ‘No way! Joan Crawford was gracious, friendly, knew everybody’s name, gave everyone a present, everybody got a birthday card— even after the picture was over.’

Everyone was so taken with Joan Crawford.

It was the opposite of how Faye treated people. Had she really channeled Joan people would’ve loved her.

“She’s writing a book about Mommie Dearest, you know. I understand “I think the diary is pretty balanced as far she’s on her sixth ghost as Faye’s inconsiderate behavior and writer. My feeling is—and what was going on in her life when I could be wrong—is she’s six, seven, eight hours late on that everybody else the set. The movie suffered. They is gonna get blamed. had to pull the plug even though The director’s gonna there were scenes that hadn’t been get blamed, the shot. Her constant lateness caused executive producer’s people to be angry. If you looked gonna get blamed, Joan Crawford the wrong way at her she’d scream wardrobe’s gonna get in Johnny Guitar at you. blamed. Everybody else is gonna get blamed.”

“Irene Sharaff designed all those costumes for her. She was a five-time Academy On Joan Crawford: Award winner and had worked with stars like Judy Garland. She came out of “I met Joan Crawford twice. Once in 1952 retirement to do this film and walked off in Sedona when she was filming Johnny half way through the movie. ‘You have to Guitar. I met her once again when I was throw a piece of meat into the dressing doing Rosemary’s Baby. She was very polite. room before you go in to see her!’ she said. Very gracious. Little did I know that years ‘I’m not putting up with it anymore!’ Faye later I would be shooting a movie about Joan was her own worst enemy.

Crawford.”

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“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at the dirt.” Rutanya spills the tea.

ION: During the big “fight scene” when Joan chokes Christina, Dunaway delivered a real haymaker to you in the fracas.

Mara Hobel with Alda

RA: The stunt people came in and blocked it all out, then Faye came in and went crazy and just kind of did her own thing and I took the hit from her elbow Diana in my chest and I went Scarwid flying. It knocked the breath out of me.

ION: You wrote, “Little Mara Hobel, playing young Christina, seems like an adult in miniature, a bleached blonde, 45-year-old midget ... She keeps grilling me to list more of my credits. It’s frustrating to be challenged to a pissing contest by anyone, but especially by a nine-year-old.”

RA: The first time I met Mara she irritated the heck out of me. She kept asking me, “Who is your agent? What are your credits?” She had a stage mother and was an obnoxious kid. But we really warmed up to each other.

ION: Did the movie’s dark violence scare Mara?

RA: She was in school and off-set most of the time. It wasn’t until they did the

haircutting scene; Mara got nicked by the scissors. She screamed, “She stabbed me! She stabbed me!” The cuts were all superficial—they called a doctor and put on a Band-Aid. But that’s when she got an inkling that she could really be hurt. Within an hour or two her dressing room was filled with toys and stuffed animals and she was fine. I don’t blame her; she got scared.

ION: Tell us about working with Diana Scarwid. (Teenage/grown Christina) RA: She was overwhelmed by Faye, who told her that after this film she should leave the business.

Late one night we walked through the parking lot and she cried, “I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this.” I told her, “You have to use those same emotions now playing Christina. You don’t know how to deal with Faye, Christina didn’t know how to deal with Joan.” She had a difficult time; she’s very sensitive.

ION: What’s your favorite part of the movie?

RA: The parts that were cut out. The beginning, where it introduced Carol Ann and I looked young and fairly attractive—I’m waiting by the gate at MGM waiting for her and she gives me the job. The scene at the wedding when she marries Al Steele. I was wearing this great taffeta dress. One of the background people said, “You look so pretty! You’ve got the smallest waist!” Later, Frank Perry (the director) comes to my room saying, “You’re not going to be in the scene.

I told you in the beginning, ‘If you look too good ...’” (pauses) And it was cut.

They cut a shot near the end when Joan is watching TV where Christina accepts an award for her. It was a nice scene with Joan, January 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 39

Christina and Carol Ann all together watching the ceremony. Faye said, “I don’t think Carol Ann should be in the scene.” That’s the best scene; It really showed the relationship between Carol Ann, Joan and Christina.

It was filmed, but it got cut and re-shot. My scene saying goodbye to Joan in the funeral parlor was cut, too.

ION: At any point during filming did you feel like, “This isn’t what I thought it was going to be.”

RA: I thought they were making a serious drama about Joan Crawford—not Christina so much. They never even had a premiere. I bought my ticket and saw it with an audience.

People started laughing. I realized, “This is not the movie they thought they were making.” It became a cult classic. Paramount didn’t know what to do with it. I’m certain this is not how they saw it; they saw it as an emotional drama.

ION: About the acting: Film critic Roger Ebert wrote, “Dunaway does not chew scenery. Dunaway starts neatly at each corner of the set in every scene and swallows it whole, co-stars and all.

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I can’t imagine who would want to subject themselves to this movie.” Did you ever feel like Dunaway was over-acting?

RA: I wasn’t aware of it. People forget what a huge star she was. Huge. I knew some of the scenes were big, but they were meant to be big. It was the finished product where it showed.

ION: Dunaway said, “It was scary the first time I saw it. It was meant to be a window into a tortured soul, but it was made into camp.”

RA: Isn’t it wonderful that it was made into camp? People would’ve forgotten about it. I’m so happy! I’m happy to be part of it. I’m happy people like it!

Rutanya Alda has appeared in a multitude of film, television, and theatre roles including The Deer Hunter and Amityville II: The Possession (1982).

She is a member of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and an animal rights activist. She lives in Manhattan.

The Mommie Dearest Diaries: Carol Ann Tells All. 166 pages, quality paperback, is for under $20 available on Amazon.com

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A Kinky Conversation with Mr. Phoenix Leather 2015

Jefferson “Pup” Tugger

Leather ueen!

by Deon Brown 44

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T he Mr. Phoenix Leather Contest, now in its eighth year, is this month. The

contest and events surrounding it are growing in popularity, featuring an eventfilled weekend in addition to the contest.

Mr. Phoenix Leather continues to draw the leather and fetish community of Arizona. We spoke with Mr. Phoenix Leather “Pup” Tugger about his year as Mr. Phoenix Leather and competing in International Mr. Leather in Chicago this past June.

ION: Tell us a little about yourself.

Pup Tugger: I moved to Phoenix two and a half years ago from Wichita, Kansas after I graduated with a BS in Marketing. I am currently working with Lyft while I find a more stable profession in brand management. In my free time I enjoy making cocktails, entertaining, playing board games and embroidery.

ION: After winning Mr. Phoenix Leather, you competed in International Mr. Leather in Chicago. What was that like?

PT: Terrifying. Running for an international contest can really make you question everything about yourself.

“What do I want to present?” “Why do I want to do this?” “Is this the ‘real me’ or the ‘contest me?’” and “Are those things so very different?” I spent most of my prep time for this contest doing a lot of introspective work and, of course, you hope it’s well received.

ION: You created quite a commotion at IML with your cape, corset and 5”-high heel boots. You came in 5th Place! Tell us more.

PT: I was elated! I felt like all of the work I did preparing myself for this contest came across as authentic and powerful enough that I changed a lot of minds on what leather can look like.

ION: Can you expand on your philosophy incorporating femininity into a leather lifestyle?

PT: I’m of the school of thought that all things are both masculine and feminine. I really enjoy celebrating the feminine qualities that I have and also embracing my masculinity. I am both of those things and I like playing with them.

Leather gives me an opportunity to really do so publicly and play with my own sexuality in a positive and reaffirming environment.

ION: In a world that highly prizes rules, regulations, regimentation, power and protocol, how do you let your own— shall we say—more flamboyant personality blossom?

PT: It took some work. The gay men’s leather community has really valued a hyper masculine and dominant persona for quite some time. To have a young, green-ish queen step into the scene as January 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 45

something different really turned some heads. But there were a lot of people who have done what I’ve done.

I’m nothing new, I’m just doing who I am very publicly and I’m encouraging everyone in our community that there isn’t a mold and we can do what we want in the Leather community.

What is your greatest achievement as Mr. Phoenix Leather and being part of the Phoenix leather community?

PT: Every time a person comes up to me and tells me how I’ve helped encourage them to be themselves, or be more comfortable with their sexuality or femininity is a huge achievement for me, and that I’ve helped change people’s minds about the image of masculinity. I get so much satisfaction helping people grow and change; all of that’s part of my biggest accomplishment.

ION: What do you want people to know about your own personal approach to leather?

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PT: I’m multifaceted. One person cannot be all things at all times. Some days I feel more masculine than others and I don’t wear heels all of the time, although I actually really love heels and corsets because they’re beautiful and they’re uncomfortable.

ION: What do you look to accomplish in the future? Leatherwise and personally?

PT: I want to be the Leather communities ‘Best Dressed.’

But in all seriousness, I love educating people. I really hope to help educate as many people as possible in kink and sexuality as I can.

ION: What would you like ION Arizona readers to know about you that might surprise them?

PT: Just because I seem delicate doesn’t mean that I’m not a hard player. I take kink very seriously and have a lot of fun. Just because I can play with the roughest of them, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a mild side any less.

To put it in terms of ice cream, one can’t have rocky road every day.

Mr. Phoenix Leather Weekend January 7-10, 2016 Host Hotel: Embassy Suites Phoenix Airport 2333 E. Thomas Rd. For more information and tickets go to MrPhoenixLeather.com, sir!

Or email Kenneth Anthony info@MrPhoenixLeather.com

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The Gayme Show “Come on down!” Spin the wheel! Any number can play! There’s always a wild card in the deck when you play at “The Gayme Show!”

Who knows what’ll happen and who’ll win big, big, big! Members of the audience can expect random games like Win, Lose or Draw, Cards Against Humanity, Name That Tune, answer trivia, lip sync challenges and more! Did we mention prizes? Join in the fun ‘n’ games (and drink specials!) with Afeelya Bunz on Sundays, starting January 17 at 2 p.m. at The Rock, 4129 N. 7th Ave. in Phoenix.

No whammies! Also, don’t forget the Miss Rock Pageant on Sunday, January 10.

JANUARY 2016 ION DRAG LISTINGS DATE TIME Mondays 9:30pm Mondays 10:00pm Tuesday 10:00pm Tuesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 9:00pm Wednesdays 10:30pm Wednesdays 10:00pm Thursdays 10:30pm Thursdays 9:00pm Thursdays 9:00pm Fridays 10:30pn Fridays 10:30 Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm Fridays 9:00pm 2nd Saturday 9:30pm 3rd Saturday Saturdays 9:00pm Saturdays 10:30pm Saturdays 10:00pm Saturdays 9:30pm Sundays 8:30pm Sundays 10:30pm 4th Sunday 2:00pm

LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) Kobalt Drag Bingo Charlie’s Claudia B Hosts Nearly Nekkid Men Karamba Savannah Moussier’s Show BS West Stars Choice Talent Showcase IBT’s Viva La DIVA Cruisin’ 7th Kira Daniels & Saellah V Kobalt Garden Variety Revue with Olivia Gardens Karamba Karamba Girls - Adriana Galiano & Karime Lizaldi Charlie’s Nevaeh’s High Heels & Halos Karamba Tejano Thursdays with Ruby Reynolds Cruisin’ 7th Drag Show Bingo with Aimee V. Justice Twisted Peacock Throwback Thursdays with Celia Putty and Coco St. James Cruisin’ 7th Nikki at Night with Nikki Knowles The Rock Special Event Rotating Drag Shows Plazma Freaky Fridays with Celia Putty IBT’s Absolutely Flawless with China Collins BS West Elements - The Valley’s Top Drag Entertainers Kobalt Celia Putty RC Saloon Nikki Star’s Cactus Angels IBT’s Starrletts with Janee Star Cruisin’ 7th The Fabulous Mia Inez Adams The Rock The Barbra Seville Show Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends Karamba Diamond’s Show Cruisin’ 7th “Big Sunday” with Big Booty Judy

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The Comedy of Errors

Shakespeare’s farcical onslaught of mistaken identities, fateful romance and family reunions. Two sets of longseparated twins form the springboard to much confusion, slapstick and surprise as a family that once was lost now is found, in a strange, possibly haunted, madly wonderful land. Presented by the Southwest Shakespeare Theatre at Mesa Arts Center, 1 E. Main St. in Mesa. For more info and tix visit SWShakespeare.org or call 480-644-6500

John Leguizamo

“Latin History for Dummies (a reading & work in progress)” A history piece about the significant role Latinos played building the U.S.A. including the contributions of Aztecs, the Incas and more. Ridiculous, funny, physical and emotional. This is a “must see,” so catch it now, in person, before it goes to NYC and HBO. Sunday, January 10 at StandUp Live 50 W. Jefferson St. in Phx. Tix: StandUpLive.com or call 480-719-6100

Colin Jost

A featured player on Saturday Night Live and one-time the show’s sketch head writer, Jost replaced Seth Meyers as co-anchor of “Weekend Update.” He’s not nearly as funny as Seth, but a lot funnier than Norm Macdonald.

Jost is coming January 28-30 to the Tempe Improv at 930 E. University Dr. Tix at TempeImprov.com or call 480-921-9877

JANUARY 2016 ION THEATER + STANDUP DATE 8-9 8-24 9-30 10 14-17 15-17 15-30 15-2/14 16-21 16-31 thru 17 18-4/19 20-2/7 28-30 28-31

EVENT Joel McHale Deathtrap Cock John Leguizamo Jessimae Peluso Marlon Wayans Othello Carousel Bridges of Madison Cty. Comedy of Errors Snapshots The Andrews Brothers Calendar Girls Colin Jost Carlos Mencia

COMPANY PHONE StandUp Live Mesa Encore Theatre 480-644-6500 Nearly Naked Theatre 602-254-2151 StandUp Live - Phx 480-719-6100 Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 StandUp Live - Phx 480-719-6100 SW Shakespeare Co. 480-644-6500 AZ B’way Theatre 623-776-8400 ASU Gammage 480-965-3434 SW Shakespeare Co. 480-644-6500 AZ Theatre Co. (Tucson) 520-622-2823 Hale Theatre Ctr. 480-497-1181 Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 Tempe Improv 480-921-9877 StandUp Live - Phx 480-719-6100 January 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 53

Mackelmore & Ryan Lewis

Ben Haggerty’s stage name originated from a childhood superhero he made up. And now he’s a hip-hop star with Ryan Lewis. Their song, “Same Love” became an LGBT anthem in 2012. They’ll be hippin’ and hoppin’ and trippin’ on Saturday, January 9 at the Comerica Theatre, 401 W. Washington St. in Phoenix. Visit TicketMaster.com or call 800-745-3000.

Pink Martini

From quirky Portland, Oregon comes the popular “little orchestra” known for their lush, symphonic arrangements combined with fun, hip, smooth grooves. Their music combines Latin, jazz and classic pop. They’re coming to Arizona! TUCSON • Tues, January 26, UofA Centennial Hall, 1020 E. University Blvd. Tix: UApresents. org or 520-621-3341 WICKENBURG • Wed, Jan. 27 at Del E. Webb Ctr. for the Performing Arts, 1090 S. Vulture Mine Rd. Tix: DewPac.org or 928-684-6624

The Neighbourhood

The moody, atmospheric alt rock band who sings about “Sweater Weather” bring their shadowy music to the Grand Canyon State featuring their hit and more. TUCSON: Tues., February 2 the Rialto Theatre, 318 E. Congress St. Tickets: 520-7401000 or go to RialtoTheatre.com ● TEMPE: Weds., February 3 at the Marquee Theatre, 730 N. Mill Ave. Tickets: 480-839-0707 or visit LuckyManOnline.com

JANUARY 2016 ION CONCERT CALENDAR DATE ARTIST 4 Puddles Pity Party 5 Willie Nelson 9 Mackelmore & Ryan Lewis 17 Styx 26 Pink Martini 27 Pink Martini 30 Martina McBride FEBRUARY 2 The Neighbourhood 3 The Neighbourhood 5 Robin Thicke 6 Tiesto

LOCATION PHONE Crescent Ballroom - Phoenix Celebrity Theatre - Phoenix 602-267-1600 Comerica Theatre - Phx 800-745-3000 Talking Stick Resort - Scottsdale 800-745-3000 U of A Centennial Hall - Tucson 520-621-3341 Del Webb Center for Arts - Wickenburg Desert Diamond Casino -Sahuarita Rialto Theatre - Tucson 520-740-1000 Marquee Theatre - Tempe 480-839-0707 TPC - Scottsdale TPC.com TPC - Scottsdale TPC.com January 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 55

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Aural Fixation

by Peter Lora pintelonegro@gmail.com

Erykah Badu But You Cain’t Use My Phone

Erykah Badu has been enigmatic since her 2010 album New Amerykah: Part 2, mostly appearing on Parisian runways as muse to Riccardo Tisci with Givenchy. Her latest mixtape But You Cain’t Use My Phone, named after her 1997 classic “Tyrone” was a surprise to critics and fans alike.

After Drake released his hypnotic “Hotline Bling,” Badu released her own cover entitled “Cel U Lar Device.” At first she employs Drake’s arrangement, mimicking the melody, gliding in, giving the song a deeper meaning. Before switching to a more seductive Baduesque arrangement midway, she chides her own irrelevance: “If you’re calling to book Erykah to flip the first burger at your company bbq or perform at your cousins’ slip and slide party, press 8.”

In true mixtape style, Badu covers several phone-themed songs, a joking cover of Usher’s “U Don’t Have to Call,” a gorgeous interpretation of New Edition’s “Mr. Telephone Man.” The original moody composition, “Phone Down” is a sexy plea for all of us to break our digital addiction. Badu duets with former flame Andre 3000 on “Hello,” a reminder that despite her current Drake obsession he might be her only equal. Available Now

Grimes Art

Angels

Grimes is what happens when you grow up listening to

Mariah Carey, Spice Girls, K-pop and so on. Her style is a DIY amalgamation of those artists through her surrealist neon pink and black lens. Claire Boucher, the girl behind Grimes, got on the radar with her 2012 release Visions. Boucher’s unique sound takes the format of pop ballad á la Katy Perry, her unique vocal styling floats above Daft Punk level impressive self production. With the success of Visions, it wasn’t long till Boucher was scouted by major record labels to write for Rihanna and the pop hierarchy.

Art Angels is a natural progression from Visions. The album opens with the sort of medieval procession, “laughing and not being normal.” It’s part Charlotte Church, but mostly 90’s video game soundtracks like Zelda and Encarta. “California” is bouncy and fun; the beat is identical to Rihanna’s debut, “Pon de Replay.” Grimes collaborates with Japanese YouTube star rapper Aristophanes on “SCREAM.” The outcome is perfect for a Kill Bill 3 OST. She hits her stride with “Flesh Without Blood.”

The album heads for the club with “Realiti,” the background could’ve been on Ray of Light—an album she cites as inspiration.

Her duet with Janelle Monae “Venus Fly” is fire, the perfect song for a drag queen lip sync rivalry. Available Now

Adele

THE DL SONGS TO DOWNLOAD ARTIST - “SONG” M.I.A. - ‘Borders’ Adele - ‘Water Under The Bridge’ SIA - ‘Cheap Thrills’ Maribou State - ‘Steal’ Omen - ‘48 Laws’ Anohni - ‘4 Degrees’ MOTHXR - ‘Stranger’ With You. - ‘Ghost feat. Vince Staples’ Belly - ‘Might Not feat The Weeknd’ Chairlift - Romeo January 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 57

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ionazeditor@me.com

Books & Bores

The End of the Tour

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Jason Segal In 1996, acclaimed novelist David Foster Wallace published his seminal work, Infinite Jest. Budding Rolling Stone reporter David Lipsky (Eisenberg, The Social Network, Zombieland) flew to Illinois to interview the problematic, almost reclusive Wallace (Segal, I Love You, Man, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) as well as follow him around the nation on his book tour for five days collecting material for a feature piece in the magazine.

An intense relationship developed between the two men, each revealing (and sometimes masking) their insecurities and feelings about nearly everything. Lipsky’s piece was published, the tapes were packed away and the two men never spoke again. Lipsky published his memoir about their rendezvous after Wallace’s 2008 suicide.

Practically a two-man show, the movie result is a heavy, dramatic, modern day “buddy picture” examining the effects of fame, responsibility and writing. The script is solid with top-notch directing.

Eisenberg, however, still relies on his trademark stuttering, neurotic, Woody Allen-esque delivery while faking the worst cigarette smoking I’ve ever seen and Segal’s wig looks really fake.

Cited by many critics as one of the best films of the year, a masterwork and “a movie of ideas that contains actual ideas,” it’s an introspective examination of interpersonal relationships marred

with tragedy. However, it might be more interesting if you knew something about Wallace in the first place. Available now. ★★★☆☆

She’s Funny That Way

Starring: Owen Wilson, Imogen Poots, Kathryn Hahn, Jennifer Aniston Arnold Albertson (Wilson, Wedding Crashers, Zoolander) is a Big Time Broadway Director who gets his jollies out of gifting “Whores with Hearts of Gold” thousands of dollars to make their dreams come true. Of course, his philanthropic philandering all blows up. Much like this movie.

The French call this “farce.” I call it “fucked up.” This tangled, confusing socalled “screwball comedy” came from the director Peter Bogdanovich (The Last Picture Show) who also created and directed a true screwball comedy, the zany What’s Up Doc? (1972) with Barbra Streisand and Ryan O’Neal. This is nothing like that.

Clocking in at just 93 minutes, it felt like three hours; I felt asleep four or five times. The best part about it is identifying the legions of stars making cameo appearances. Available now. ★★☆☆☆ (and that second star is

generous)

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Moonwalkers

Starring: Rupert Grint, Ron Perlman The legendary conspiracy theory that Uncle Sam’s Apollo 11 never made it to the Moon is explored here in this wild tale. Picture it: London in the swinging 60s. Unstable, beady-eyed, gorilla-face CIA Agent Kidman (Perlman, Hellboy) searches for legendary director Stanley Kubrick to film the moon landing hoax.

Thinking he located the famed director, he accidentally stumbles upon the hapless manager of a dodgy rock band (Grint, the gingery “Ron Weasley” of the Harry Potter franchise) with disastrous consequences in this comedy.

Release date: January 15

JeruZalem

Oi vey! When will rich American teenagers learn never to go backpacking in a foreign country? Spoiled brats on vacation go to Jerusalem during Yom Kippur when all Hell breaks loose.

Literally.

A horrifying Biblical Apocalypse is unleashed and it’s Judgment Day in the City of David. That’s what you get if January 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 61

you don’t keep Kosher. Demons abound! Filmed with an unknown cast in the shaky camera “news coverage” style from the emerging school Israeli genre film directors, it looks exciting.

Release date: January 22

Dirty Grandpa

Starring: Zac Efron, Robert DeNiro, Aubrey Plaza, Julianne Hough Who doesn’t love a stupid buddy picture? This one has everything you could want: a road trip, intergenerational sex, vulgar jokes, and–best of all–Zac Efron with his shirt off.

Uptight Jason Kelly (Efron, Neighbors) is about to make partner in his law firm and marry his boss’s daughter. His perverted grandfather (DeNiro, anything that was ever good in Hollywood) tricks him into driving him to Daytona Beach during Spring Break. Frat parties, boobs, bar fights and karaoke. And a half-naked Zac Efron, don’t forget.

That’s always a plus in our book.

Release date: January 22

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Flower Child G ive peace a chance. All you need is love. And salad. Lots and lots of salad.

With the grand remodel of the tony Uptown Plaza on Central Avenue and Camelback, the tired, fussy café The Eggery was booted out (did anybody still even go there?) and Sam Fox overhauled the space beautifully, dubbing it “Flower Child.”

The logo with the mantra, “Healthy Food for a Happy World” is printed over a sunshiny artichoke. (So perhaps if ISIS ate better things the world wouldn’t be such a mess?) Conscientiously, produce is locally procured and everything is “gluten lite.” Many offerings are vegan, vegetarian and gluten free.

Rich herbivores will love it! Green, leafy and cruciferous plant life as well as choice greens and squashes are the name of the game here. Feeling carnivorous? Don’t worry. You can always add “protein,” (an oddly sanitized word for “meat” if you don’t want to remember that it once had a central nervous system) like chicken, steak or salmon for an additional fee. Meats are naturally raised without additives.

That’s pretty cool. You can also add tofu, which does not resemble or taste like meat at all.

Love it or Leaf it.

The menu board of “Sides” is created using a variety of vegetables and grains. You can “Mix ‘n Match” with one for $4, two or $7 or three for $9 to make a full plate.

The Red Chili Glazed Sweet Potato perks up with bok choy and sesame seed. The Autumn Grains & Butternut Squash glows with the addition of apple, cranberry and toasted pistachio. It’s worth going back to try Roasted Beets, Avocado & Tangerine, or Spicy Japanese Eggplant and other tasty twists on the boring old boiled veggies you ate growing up.

Try one of the bowls for $9. The Thai Cashew Quinoa with zucchini, snap peas, celery, onion, shiitake mushroom, jalapeño, thai basil, cashew and red quinoa was a treat. Far out, man!

We grooved with the Hippie Chick Wrap with chicken salad, dried cherries & dates, yogurt, arugula, apple, onion, pumpkin & flax seeds, except for the whopping $11 price tag. We rode a bummer

Choose from six salads. Organic Kale comes with pink grapefruit, pear, black currant, smoked almost, white cheddar and spritzed with a fab apple cider vinaigrette for $8. We loved it, especially with the addition of grass fed steak for $6 more.

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with the housemade whole wheat tortilla with flax & chia seeds which was too dry and cracked out to suit us.

Sam Fox Concepts restaurants gobbles up everything on the real estate table, often muscling out smaller independent cafés. Perhaps it’s important to remember that Fox Concepts is still at least a local conglomerate, keeping tax dollars here at home and providing much needed jobs. You just can’t escape The Man, dude.

Note: Flower Child gets crowded during lunch when privileged Biltmore ladies and all the rich kids at Xavier and Brophy get the munchies for lunch, so go early or later.

Flower Child costs a lot more than the nearby (chain) beloved buffet Sweet Tomatoes which was sacrificed for the plaza’s remodel. You can’t fight City Hall.

With or without added protein.

100 E. Camelback Rd. 480-212-0180 Open daily 11 a.m.-9 p.m.

IAmAFlowerChild.com

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irby w y K usha t t o nB i - Sc os - Kev is, t o Ph ction Chr Katy. e e Dir els ar rea & d y, D s to o M on ank h Ant cial th tton a Spe n Str r tl o Jas nia Ha lfaro at le Kse ony A ailab op h v h t a S n A ets Pro k l c Ja bow w Sno

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First time on the slopes?

Snowbowl has the best learning terrain in the West with a top-rated safety program and certified, bilingual instructors. It’s the perfect place to learn how to ski or snowboard for first timers and veterans alike.

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Snowbowl is just two short hours away from Phoenix and about four hours from Tucson.

Rising 9,500 feet above sea level, Snowbowl has been a destination for fun in the white stuff since the early 1900s.

Looking for a deal? You can get lots of specials and discounts, including a free lift ticket on your birthday!

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Stay at Ski Lift Lodge & Cabins. They’re close to the slopes and great for cuddling on those cold winter nights. Call them at 928-744-0729 or email SkiLiftLodge@ArizonaSnowBowl.com for rate inquiries and availability.

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IONTUCSON

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Vol. 9, Issue 9

January 2016

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS! Unfair and unbalanced. We decide.

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

Steve Harvey to Referee Super Bowl OUTRAGEOUS!

SAN FRANCISCO – Super Bowl officiators and executives announced that purported comedian, radio personality, actor, author, game show host and expert Miss Universe beauty pageant master of ceremonies, Steve Harvey, will be the official referee of the Super Bowl 2016 at the San Francisco’s Levi’s Stadium on Sunday, February 7.

and the Philippines despite a clearly printed card.

“We don’t know who’ll be playing yet,” revealed a Super Bowl insider, “But with Steve Harvey making the calls on the field, it’s bound to be a wild card, making for a great, hotly contested game.”

Historically Super Bowl games are listed with Roman numerals. This year the game is simply known as Super Bowl 50 to make it easier for Harvey ACCIDENTAL because he doesn’t read or speak Roman.

OUTRAGEOUS!

“Steve’s recent stint as the Master of Ceremonies for the Miss Universe Pageant qualifies him ANY RESEMBLANCE as an expert referee for the Super Bowl,” said one anonymous source at the NFL headquarters.

TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY

Harvey, who hosts the intellectually demanding game show Family Feud, recently bungled the announcement of the winner for the Miss Universe Pageant, nearly starting a war between Colombia

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OUTRAGEOUS!

Vatican People Mag Picks Pope as OUTRAGEOUS! “Sexiest Man Alive.”

VATICAN CITY – It came as a big surprise when People magazine’s Vatican City edition chose PopeRESEMBLANCE Francis I ANY as the “Sexiest Man Alive” for the third year in a row since his elevation to the Throne of St. Peter in 2013.

as Christ’s Vicar on Earth as far as we’re concerned,” said one anonymous member of the Vatican’s administrative ACCIDENTAL inner circle.

“There’s something about the way he wears his cassock and chasuble and that tall, pointy, funny hat he wears that simply drives the nun wild.”

OUTRAGEOUS! TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY

OUTRAGEOUS! OUTRAGEOUS!

Out of the official 451 citizens of Past winners of the state, only ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL Vatican City’s one nun is the Magazine single, solitary ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY People ACCIDENTAL “Sexiest Man female resident.

Alive” include There’s Pope Benedict something XVI, Pope John about the 79-year-old Argentine pontiff that oozes with Paul II and Jesus Christ in a surprise poll among the single female readership. sex appeal for the lady of Vatican City.

OUTRAGEOUS! “Despite his vow of chastity, His Holiness, indeed, embodies all the qualities of sexiness

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H

ere it is, 2016, and some of these folks just can’t help but continue on with the same messy bullshit from last year!

But you know what? That’s life ... and there ain’t shit we can do about it. Either put up with it or douche those fools outta of our lives like a Summer’s Eve cleansing. This month’s Favorite Bitch® is all about New Year’s Drama. Lucky for my readers that I’m on the case ... and not that clueless bitch Dear Abby!

Dear Miss Tiger, My New Year’s Resolution is to lose my man and find a new one. What should I do?

— Diego Dear Once You Lose Him Try Not To Find Him ‘Cause I Ain’t Helpin’ Your Ass Twice, Papi ... you should’ve already had you a new anaconda immediately after you collected Christmas cash & prizes from the last one!

Dear Miss Tiger, My husband and I spent New Year’s Eve in New York City. I left to go get drinks. When I returned, he was kissing a dude in the mouth. He says it was nothing more than being caught up in the moment. HELP! — Bonnie from Phoenix Dear The Bastard Got CAUGHT ... Not Caught Up In The Moment, Girl, please! Your man has seen more men’s asses than a proctologist screening for prostate cancer at a free clinic.

P.S. What do your husband and the Times Square Ball have in common?

They both go down in 10 seconds.

Dear Miss Tiger, My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 years. Throughout Christmas he kept demanding that I top him and he knows I’m a power bottom. I’m not having this nonsense in the New Year. Any advice?

— Jay Dear Don’t You Think Your Culo Needs A Break After Eleven Years?

Get on top of him closer than Velveeta on a grilled cheese sandwich. I suggest you do it before someone else butters his bread and puts the flame under it.

Dear Miss Tiger, My friend Angie borrowed my mink coat for New Year’s Eve. She confessed to wearing it while having sex. I’m upset because my mom gave it to me before she passed away. Any advice for me?

— Samantha Dear Trusting Someone Named Angie Was Your First Mistake So Be Glad She Spooged On It Instead Of Stealing It, Why are you stressin‘ over a shitty coat that should only be seen on Dynasty reruns?

Before ya decided to sit down at the computer and write me, you should’ve sat down at a Hasbro Ouija Board, and asked ya momma for some advice! #MotherKnowsBest Love you, Hunty!

MISS TIGER Advice Columnist • SiriusXM radio personality ... and everyone’s #FAVORITEBITCH Website FavoriteBitch.com Facebook /MissTiger Advice ask@misstiger.com January 2016 WWW.IONAZ.COM 95

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by Addison DeWitt

As we kiss 2015 “adíos,” I say, “Out with the old, in with nouveau!” Happy New Year!

Crawford is! Clearly he needs an education. Fortunately, I’m a very good teacher.

I’ll teach his boyfriend, Brad DeBiase, too. No extra charge. You’re welcome, dahlink!

A

With the Holiday Season Formerly Known As Christmas behind us, I take a moment to pause and reflect on the fabulous parties where I ate, drank and acted like a Mary.

Nathan Rhoton and Joen Romero Martínez hosted a swell “Felíz NaviD who-my-Baby JesusDaddy” fiesta loaded with fun, food and some very strange, very drunk guy who lectured me and Kevin Patterson at E great length about skin care products and our pores. Later Nathan and Joen went to The Rock for The Barbra Seville Show with Arizona F State Senator Katie Hobbs (A) who promised, “Equal rights and votes for drag queens!” in 2016. By the way, Nathan, I totally kissed your boyfriend, Joen, underneath the mistletoe. Oh, wait. Didn’t you take the picture?

While I was chatting with that G scrumptious Blaise Caudill (B), I was shocked, shocked, shocked to learn that he does not know who legendary fag idol Bette Davis is! (C) I mean, seriously! What is this world coming to? Next thing you know he’ll tell me that he has no idea who Joan

B

I was so excited when I heard the fabulous Lyman Goodrich (D) C was having a party! And invited me! I ate so many varieties of cheese, specialty deli meats and different kinds of crackers, I felt like a Cost Plus World Market on two fat, sodium-swollen legs. The best part of the shindig was when I kissed David Smith—on the lips!

(E) Lucky me! (Heck!

Who wouldn’t want to kiss him?)

Things got awfully exciting for Doug Long (F) last month! He got to go to the fabulous Ricky Rebel show where he got to meet the super-glam entertainer. Plus, he got a free t-shirt! You can’t beat that, my friends!

Hip historian Marshall Shore (G) was in Hollywood last month where he starred in a major television show!

Well, actually he was in the studio audience for a taping of Jeopardy!

Hey, don’t laugh! He got to meet host Alex Trebek. (For some of us that’s a pretty big deal, especially at the Wonder-Vu Trailer Court, where I live.)

Wishing all of you lots of big deals for 2016!

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Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 This year is remarkably and oddly ssues you were unsure about last year will devoid of anything shocking or revealing be favorable and substantially more secure compared to last year. It’s really kind in 2016. The scales will be lifted from your of weird. But that’s okay. Use this eyes when a contentious situation is ruled moratorium to learn more about yourself. in your favor. 2016 features a Leap Year which not only gives you an extra day, but a Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 chance to explore the “extra” in everything You’ll be feeling a little emotionally sensitive you do. Extra Love, Security, Help and until around March. After you get over the more. We all like a little “extra” in life, right? never-ending hysterics, you’ll enjoy life Use that day wisely. The Full, Blue Moon on to the fullest. Karma rewards you for past May 21 is a rare one: the face of the Earth bravery. Chin up! Shoulders back! Forward, will be illuminated and you can expect a march! wondrous revelation of your own.

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 Nothing major influences your life this year.

Making decisions is easy for you. But don’t You had your spiritual growth spurt last let your Ram-like sensibilities make you year and will coast along with your “higher so stubborn you refuse to concede and awareness.” Doesn’t that make you feel compromise in 2016. For example, try special and better than everybody else? bottoming. Or topping. You’ll like it.

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20 Your self-imposed limitations (no thanks Your “bullish” nature holds you in good to Neptune) are a thing of the past. 2016 stead. In 2016 you will not be content to be opens up the floodgates of personal part of the heard: you’ll be leading it. Just fulfillment and boundless success. You can beware that you don’t cause a stampede thank Jupiter for that. And me, too. with all this power. Who follows in back?

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 Gemini May 21 - June 21 If there’s one thing to be said for you Last year, Saturn restricted your creativity.

Cappies, you’re consistent. You follow a Last September’s Lunar Eclipse launches path, come hell or high water. That means you into 2016 with vigor. You’ll notice you 2016 will be a lot like 2015 - which was a have a voracious appetite for everything: lot like 2014. You may join a club, political candy, sex, even lima beans. You’re weird group or maybe even a coven. that way. That’s okay. We dig weird.

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 Cancer June 22 - July 22 2016 holds little in the way of complications Expect some emotional challenges through for you. A few eclipses and planetary August, 2016. Don’t let that scare you. Use transits mean you’ll gain satisfaction from this opportunity to hone your dramatic skills relationships especially because your manic with weeping and wild, hysterical outbursts. sex life validates your ego. You’re pretty It’s fun and keeps people guessing! good at it, too. People talk about you.

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 You spent all last year making solid gains Last year involved one damn test after in every avenue and building security. 2016 another, right? Blame Saturn. We hate surprises you with a lucky streak. Not just Saturn! This time Neptune enhances your in the casino and lottery ... in the sack, too. dreamy journey. Step back from a testy That’s hardly a surprise. Whore. situation in September. It really isn’t worth

I

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your time. You know it, they know it.