3 minute read

Steps Underwater

by Sabrina O’Keefe

Water is a charming chemical; the thousands of forms it takes are astounding. I suppose that is why it had such a controlling hold on me. As intimidated as I was, I found a way to conquer my fear. With the encouragement of my experience, I hope you will also gain the confidence to wrestle with your phobias.

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I noticed my fear for the first time when I was around nine. Waterpark parties were becoming my new obsession. I would regularly get invited but always ended up in the arcade area instead of the pool. Scanning the dark abyss of the ocean made me squirm I could accept my fear of the ocean: it seemed logical because of its unpredictability and unknown creatures below. What I could not accept was my fear of lakes, rivers pools, and embarrassingly enough baths. I knew what was below The water is translucent, like looking through a window. It was irrational to fear it. There is always a story that comes with fear but in my case the cause of my anxiety toward water was unknown. I have not had a drowning experience or been thrown in the pool too young which irritates me. If I had been, I would understand and work through my bad experience. When I was floating in the vessel, the silence combined with the soft lapping of the water surrounding me made my stomach sink, like being swallowed into the depths.

A vacation ultimately changed my apprehensive mindset. Mexico was not my idea of a relaxing vacation, but of course I was outvoted. My proposal was Ireland, a combination of beauty and history; however, it was not tropical enough for my family. I had kept my fear of water close; it was my secret that I concealed fairly well. Trips to the pool turned into tanning sessions, which were not unusual or suspicious but became routine. When I read the itinerary made up of whale watching, snorkeling, and scuba diving with the whale sharks my chest stiffened. I should have been grateful to participate in these experiences After all, some people can only dream of them. Instead, I could only think of ways to avoid them.

I decided that I could do nothing except attempt to enjoy my time with the sea. We started with whale watching which was not too frightening with the sense of security of the boat. I aimed to ignore the water which was an easy task as I was enthralled by the ginormous creatures. Surprisingly their immense size provided comfort, as it caused them to move slowly and easily predictably. Even their songs were drawn out, sounding like a man groaning in pain. By that time, I was informed that scuba diving had been canceled due to rough waters. I was grateful I would not have to go far away from shore this time, yet the thought of aggressive waves carrying me farther in counteracted my relief.

We paid $11 to ride a boat taxi to the beach. The taxi had a glass bottom that the fish rammed in hopes that my toes would be their new snack. We were each given complimentary snorkeling gear, mismatched fins, and broken straps. We made it work. As we fumbled into the water, fear rushed over me The sand that was once anchoring me to earth had transformed into a continental slope. I was submerged Fortunately, the oversized life jacket I was thrown kept me afloat. It was appearing to be just as I expected, one of the most nerve-racking days of my life. That is when I dipped my foggy goggles under the surface. Color flooded my view as fins of all shades and sizes slipped by. Wide-eyed, I could not help but drift further out to uncover more marvelous organisms. A soft bubble swept across my face; I glanced down to see what creature it came from. I was met with a large tank and tube connecting it to the scuba diver’s mouth. For how much I worried about scuba diving with the sharks, I was surprised that I wished that I were in the scuba suit. I craved to go deeper. I was sick of keeping the snorkel above the surface. Before this trip, I could not have imagined that I would be jealous of the ones fully submerged, rather than the sun tanners on the safe sand. I spent three short hours bobbing about as I discovered what the ocean had to offer.

Since that day I have recognized water is not as bad as it seems, it is full of life and wonder. We have only uncovered 5% of the oceans and rivers, the rest is unknown, and I’m satisfied with that. I don’t need to be afraid of what could be concealed beneath the waves, if it’s anything like what I saw the day I overcame my fear I know it will be spectacular. I admit, I am ashamed to have feared what keeps us alive, what we humans are made of but nonetheless, I pushed myself over the edge. You must be willing to send yourself into the abyss in order to make progress. After all, if you already know what you’re doing you already know the outcome.

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