My Mother’s Journey

by Seng Vang

It was quiet and the only sounds I heard were the cries of the owls and the whistling of the wind rushing through the swaying bamboo trees This created an evil chanting voice. This voice gave me comfort; it meant that death hadn’t caught up to us yet. The warmness of my breath rose from the crack of my mouth. I gulped water that raced down my throat and then my lips went dry again. The sweat was rolling down my face, not because of the midnight summer warmth, but the thought of death. On this warm night when the moonlight was fighting through the crowded bamboo trees, casting pitch-black eerie shadows that seemed to chase us at every turn, I wondered to myself, “Is this light our friend?”

Countless people have made this journey just to perish as if their existence had been erased from this earth. Did my loved ones and I share this same fate? This thought kept tumbling in my head as I walked through the thick jungle. The branches were scratching and tearing away at my thick, soft skin but I felt no pain, only the thought of surviving lingered in my mind. We had reached the end of fighting through the dense jungle, roaming up and down mountains and through valleys, not knowing that there were still untold obstacles ahead waiting for us. From the cluster of bamboo trees, I could see an endless stretch of dark muddy ground with an evil aroma to it. It was an ill-looking stretch of land that seemed to have many hidden dangers. “Will this stretch of dirt be our final resting place?” I fearfully thought

Just as I feared the moonlight that was once our savior now turned out to be our worst enemy. Out in the revealed open, the light fell, descending on the filthy stretch of dirt. The illumination of the light that once guided us through the darkness now turned out to be the eye of the enemy and maybe our demise, and then I felt hopeless.

We could hear the mighty river crashing, twisting, and turning just beyond the stretch of earth. Before that night the sounds of the river were a sign of life; it was mighty and calm, and it brought food and life to the people. Now these sounds frightened me, and it meant that this was our last obstacle, and we could all be swallowed up by its wrath. The eerie frightful pitch of the wind from the open seemed like the cries of the ones that had vanished before us, screaming, and howling in the darkness.

My tears quietly cascaded down my eyes as I gazed at my loved ones, and I softly ran my fingers through their hair. I had said to them numerous times before that I loved them, but tonight no words needed to be said; my tears said it all. No one spoke a word; we were waiting for the right moment to face our end. “Now,” a gentle voice in my head said calmly as if that word had already finished us. I took one last breath that rushed into my lungs and without any hesitation, we quietly made our way toward the roaring crashes. Out in the open, I could feel the cool breeze brushing my face and the smell of wet earth clearing my nostrils. We silently walked through the muddy ground that seemed to swallow our feet with every inch we took. The soft weak mud fighting through our toes seemed to grip and stop us from leaving. We finally got halfway, and without warning, flashes and loud thundering sounds came from the dark, and then it looked like thousands of fireflies racing towards us from both sides of the darkness to see who would hit us first. As I looked around me, the steaks of light disappeared into the bodies of the others, and they would shiver, as if they were yawning and too tired to go on, their bodies would tense up, their mouths opened, and then nothing came out but a soft gentle moan. They crumbled and lay there lifeless and quietly without making another sound.

I wanted to give up at that moment and run back to hold them and cry, but my two feet seemed to have a mind of their own and went against my wishes, only making me run toward the crashing waves. My tears were flowing down my cheeks and with every drop I was asking them for forgiveness, every drop was the love I had for them, and every drop was the memories I would keep of them. My loved ones must live, they couldn’t vanish in this dark gloomy place I must fight, and I must go on. The booming crashes approached closer and closer and the thunderous sounds get louder and louder. We had finally reached the end and live or die it all came down to this decision that I had to make as a mother. I grabbed the rope and said,” Jump!” and with the last ounce of energy I had left I yanked the rope with my loved ones tied to it, and we all fell into the unknown darkness. My body hit the sunless river and the dark icy waves were punishing my face from all directions for the decision that I had just made. My feet were heavy, but I kept fighting to stay up and hold on. It was no use, I had no more strength left, and my frozen fingers gave up one by one I had fought but lost and the rope slipped away from my grasp. “Don’t look back, and I love you,” I cried out to my children, knowing in my heart that might be the last time that I would lay eyes on my loved ones. I watched the strength of the dark pushing them further and further away until I could no longer see or hear my loved ones ’ cries as they faded into the darkness. From the back, I could hear and see the others screaming and praying to the heavens for help, but that night no prayer was an answer to them or perhaps to me too. I could see the flashes lighting up the dark like fireworks and then finally just like that it all went silent as if nothing had happened All I could see was the smoke rising from the darkness as if it was their souls reaching for heaven. “I am sorry,” I tearfully said, and my mind went blank, my arms and legs went numb, and my eyes began to slowly close and all I could see was the light getting closer and closer to me in the dark of night.