Beyond

Kitia Altman

The Astronaut, who walked on the moon, said he was touched by God and his life was changed.

I, who walked in Hell, by whom was I touched?

The Astronaut, who walked on the moon, was humbled when he saw the Earth is but a speck in the Universe.

I, who walked in Hell, was terrified when I saw the awesome power of a Man.

When the Astronaut walked on the Moon, millions of people were disbelieving.

When he came to Earth he was feted and glorified.

When I came back to earth

I was numbed and isolated – and disbelieved.

The Astronaut and I, we both witnessed the incomprehensible, we both stepped into the Beyond.

I’ll tell you the story of my Beyond, so you can know that too.

When I came to the place, where, some say, God died, I was a prisoner already, locked up to dream my nightmares, waking only to find they were not nightmares. People I loved were taken away from me. Grief and despair were buried deeply so I could go on living.

I was hardened – yet I still had feelings. And I thought, nothing more can happen to me except death.

By the time I walked my clogged feet in the mud of Hell

I prayed for death to hasten her coming.

I saw mothers pushing their children away, I saw strange women gathering them in their arms and together walking to death. I saw men with horror in their eyes when they burned the corpses, knowing their turn would come soon.

The Astronaut, who walked on the moon, said there was no sound and no smell there. I, who walked in Hell, heard whimpering and shrieks, and silence that split your eardrums; I smelled decayed bodies around me, and burning flesh, and I thought I’ll never smell a flower again.

I saw people who took bread from the mouths of the dead, who counted crumbs – and shared them. I’ve seen shapes of what were once human beings rocking in a lunatic rhythm; and those same shapes whispering words of comfort and hope. I shivered from cold and someone blew into my hands the faint breath of life. I had a number on my arm, yet there was someone who knew my name. I saw the naked face of evil …

I, who walked in Hell, have been touched by Humanity, and my life was changed.