WRS Spring 2019 Catalog

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or 80s...

70s, 80s... any way you slice it, it's ALL AWESOMENESS. It's such a shame that schools quit offering doubleexposure portraits. They were freaking amazing! And amazingly creepy. Which is why we just had to recreate them with select members of our team [read: suckers] for our latest catalog: That 70s Issue.

You're welcome.

But why did our minds go there? Well, it all started while we were sitting around eating Tide Pods in the back alley behind the soap factory and... no? Ok. I'm lying. Dang it. I always get caught.

Truthfully, it was inspired by our new When I Was a Kid soap. And when I was a kid, creepy school pics were the norm. Now they're all just so BASIC. Yawn.

Anyway, welcome to our latest catalog! We've created a gorgeous line of Astrology Soaps to complement the successful Astrology line (Sam worked reeeeallllly hard on these; kudos to her), and we're also introducing a small line of highly questionable candles called What The...? Fair warning: if you don't like profanity, you're not gonna like these. But as you probably know, products with sketchy language are hot! (Just skip those two pages if you aren't into it, ok?) And finally, we've got a new line of colorful Pencil Sets to match some of our top-sellers: Middle Child, Grammar Police, and more!

All that, plus NEW soaps, candles, and bath bombs!

Now get! You've got some selling to do.

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S O A P

F O

R

CAPRICORN A

D E C E M B E R 2 2 - JA N UA RY 19

Smells like the boss of everyone B E R G A M O T

B O S S

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

Jo e

"Wait, hold on, I can't stop laughing."

J

C I S ES

A

Je s s i c a

"Call me Lois."

S O A P

F O

R

TAURUS A

A P R I L 19 - M AY 2 0

Smells like a gold-plated sundae CHAMPAGNE CHIC N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

JOE 3

new new new

bath bombs

pencils 4

candles

new new new S O A P

F O

R

PISCES A

F E B RUA RY 19 - M A RC H 2 0

Smells like some serious delusions

candles

DRIFTWOOD DREAMER N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

soap

mugs

more soap 5

new Introducing our new 8-pack of pencils that match our best-selling soaps and candles! And please stop asking me questions. I have Ebola.

NEW Pencil Sets: 8-pack of standard No. 2 pencils. Box size: 7 1/2" L x 2 1/2" H x 3/8" D

PENCILS FOR THE MIDDLE CHILD Back side: WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? The only thing worse than being unnoticed is being unnoticed when your hair is neon purple and you dress like you're from the Matrix.

Um, hello? Being the first child ain't all that. The only people who think so are: #1. My older sibling and #2. My dumb parents. And I haven't even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Oy.

Product code: MID-P

PENCILS FOR TEACHERS

PENCILS FOR WRITER'S BLOCK

Back side:

Back side:

IT'S A SNOW DAY SOMEWHERE....

TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK?

But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?

So the wordsmith’s well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer’s Block pencils. If these pencils don’t help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a fedora, by the way. Cool vampires wear fedoras now. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Or in your book. Either way, you’re gonna need these pencils ASAP. Even crap won’t write itself.

Product code: TEA-P

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Product code: WRI-P

PENCILS FOR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS Back side:

PENCILS FOR GRAMMAR POLICE Back side: YOUR ANNOYING.

I hear you're having a bad day.

First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it’s 95 outside but you're shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your glutenfree muffin was the BEST gluten-free muffin you've ever had until you realized they gave you the one with almonds. And we both know you said NO NUTS.

Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you’re. Welcome to the grammar club, smarty pants. But as a club member, you now have to quit whining about other people’s grammatical errors. Trust me on this point, you're still making some.

Product code: FIR-P

Product code: GRA-P

EXCUSE PENCILS FOR INTROVERTS

PENCILS FOR OKAY MOMS

Back side:

Back side:

AWWWWW...

PEOPLE SUCK.

CONGRATULATIONS.

That’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection.

But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations.

Like happy hour. Your niece’s school play. Office parties.

Your wedding.

You're the world's okayest mom!

Please don’t take offense! Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quick-draw first aid kits. Okay moms are where it’s at.

Okay moms are where you want to live: sippy cup wine, the fivesecond rule, and naps that overlap into second naps.

Product code: INT-P

Product code: OKA-P

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new new new

?

hey, what the?

Our new 100% soy wax candles aren't the most polite candles on the shelf, but as you know, they won't stay on the shelf for long! Like it or leave it, profanity is frickin' hot. So we're introducing these precious and delicious-smelling pastel candles featuring your grandma's favorite F word! And what the... one of these candles doesn't even HAVE the F word on the label?!

Oh well. Who fucking cares.

NEW WHAT THE CANDLE? : Jar size: 2 3/4" diameter x 3 1/2" tall

FUCK THIS.

Smells like I'm over it Bye, Felicia Amaretto Sour fragrance Product code: WT1-C

I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Smells like, I mean, probably You know how temperamental I can be.

Pomegranate Champagne fragrance Product code: WT2-C

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OH MY FUCK

Smells like someone's knocked up

Product code: WT3-C

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Product code: WT4-C

Smells like an existential crisis

Congratulations! Your life is now over.

Who am I? Why am I here?

Why is this candle talking to me?

Virgin Blue Raspberry Jello Shot fragrance

Cucumber-Aloe Daquiri fragrance

FUCK YEAH

Smells like a celebratory drink

Product code: WT5-C

SALTY BITCHES

Smells like who you calling salty?

Fuck yeah!

Bitch.

Blueberry Bourbon Fizz fragrance

Salty Dog Cocktail (grapefruit) fragrance

Product code: WT6-C

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new ASTROLOGY

soap

soaped up

Finally! We're releasing our new Astrology Soap line! We wanted to make sure we got it right, so our ingenious soapmaker Sam spent just under 200 years coming up with this gorgeous new line of soaps!

S O A P

F O

LIBRA A

SEPTEMBER

R

23 - OCTO BER

22

S m e ll s li k e a p e a c e ke e p e r

FRENCH LA VENDER FL IR T NET WT . 6 OZ / 17 0 G

Each soap has a custom color-scheme and fragrance that matches the Astrology Candles.

NEW Astrology Soaps: Shrink-wrapped with a clear label.

Sold in 4-packs.

A P S O

F O R

O I P R O SC A

EM - N OV 3 2 R E OCTOB

B E R 21

in per villa u s a e lik Smells S OLET I V E ICTIV VIND 70 G / 1 6 OZ .

T W NET

Sam Sam

10

"I totally bought glasses to match my hair."

S O A P

F O

R

S O A P

F O

R

S O A P

F O

R

CAPRICORN D E C E M B E R 2 2 - JA N UA RY 19

AQUARIUS JA N UA RY 2 0 - F E B RUA RY 18

F E B RUA RY 19 - M A RC H 2 0

Smells like the boss of everyone

Smells like a real do-gooder

Smells like some serious delusions

PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA

DRIFTWOOD DREAMER

A

B E R G A M O T

B O S S

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

A

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

PISCES A

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS Smells like a real do-gooder

Smells like some serious delusions

Bergamot Boss fragrance

Progressive Papaya fragrance

Driftwood Dreamer fragrance

Smells like the boss of everyone

Product code: CAP-S

S O A P

F O

PISCES

Product code: AQU-S

R

S O A P

F O

Product code: PIS-S

R

S O A P

F O

R

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

Smells like you only ride shotgun

Smells like a gold-plated sundae

Smells like a split personality

AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME

CHAMPAGNE CHIC

WHIMSICAL WATERMELON

A

M A RC H 21 - A P R I L 19

A

A P R I L 19 - M AY 2 0

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

ARIES

TAURUS

A

M AY 21 - J U N E 2 0

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

GEMINI

Smells like a gold-plated sundae

Smells like a split personality

Aggressive Agave Lime fragrance

Champagne Chic fragrance

Whimsical Watermelon fragrance

Product code: ARI-S

Product code: TAU-S

Product code: GEM-S

Smells like you only ride shotgun

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S O A P

F O

R

CANCER A

A

F O

LEO

R

S O A P

F O

R

VIRGO

A

J U N E 21 - J U LY 2 2

J U LY 2 3 - AU G U S T 2 2

AU G U S T 2 3 - S E P T E M B E R 2 2

Smells like buried emotions

Smells like itʼs all about you

Smells like making a list to make a list

MOODY MOJITOS

VANILLA VANITY

OVERTHINKING ORANGES

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

CANCER

LEO

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

VIRGO

Smells like buried emotions

Smells like it's all about you

Smells like making a list to make a list

Moody Mojitos fragrance

Vanilla Vanity fragrance

Overthinking Oranges fragrance

Product code: CAR-S

Product code: LEO-S

Product code: VIR-S

S O A P

F O

R

S O A P

F O

R

S O A P

F O

S E P T E M B E R 2 3 - O C TO B E R 2 2

SCORPIO

O C TO B E R 2 3 - N OV E M B E R 21

SAGITTARIUS

Smells like a peacekeeper

Smells like a supervillain

Smells like a disappearing act

FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT

VINDICTIVE VIOLETS

WANDERING WHITE TEA

LIBRA

A

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

A

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

A

R

N OV E M B E R 21 - D E C E M B E R 21

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

French Lavender Flirt fragrance

Vindictive Violets fragrance

Wandering White Tea fragrance

Product code: LIB-S

Product code: SCO-S

Product code: SAG-S

Smells like a peacekeeper

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S O A P

Smells like a supervillain

Smells like a disappearing act

pencils

ASTROLOGY ready, set, write shit down!

Yes! Pencils! Check out our 8-pack of custom pencils made specifically for each astrological sign. Each pack features a SELFIE PENCIL! The writing is backwards to fulfill all your selfie needs! (Yeah, we've seen your Insta....)

Each pencil box features a color sticker that matches the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Journals.

Astrology Pencils: Box size: 8 1/4" tall x 3 3/8" width x 1/2" thick

y

ed n n e k Kennedy "Ugh."

13

CAPRICORN

December 22-January 19 Pencils:

Pencils:

EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A CLOUD MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY EVERY DAY I'M HUSTLIN' BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART BOSSY AF MY PAY STUBS ARE LIT BECAUSE I READ THE MANUAL

YOU HAD ME AT REVOLUTION UP FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING SPIRITUAL GANGSTA AQUARIANS ARE SECRETLY SMARTER BFF COLLECTOR ENIGMATIC BUT ALSO DRUNK POTENTIAL LIFE COACH

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CONTROL FREEEEEAK

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WOKE AF

Back text: You are in avid pursuit of wealth and power, but are more grounded than a world traveler on a no-fly list. People like you because you’re filthy rich. And even though your source of income might be considered “iffy”, there’s nothing sexier than a bit of danger and a wad of cash.

Back text: You have a deep understanding of human nature and would excel at writing straight-to-DVD chick flicks. Your desire to save the whole planet keeps you mindful of doing real work for the people.

That said, you’re mostly valued for your non-stop partying and unstoppable quest to obtain the latest everything.

Product code: CAP-P

PISCES

February 19 - March 20

Product code: AQU-P

ARIES

March 21 - April 19

Pencils:

Pencils:

TIME FOR MY SECOND NAP STRAY ANIMAL COLLECTOR WILDLY UNDERAPPRECIATED DRINKS LIKE A FISH AMAZEBALLS IDEAS PENCIL MY ALONE TIME IS FOR YOUR SAFETY WILL ACCEPT FLATTERY

I COULD'VE EASILY GONE PRO FIGHT ME I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I'M DOING FOR MY NEXT TRICK...

NEAR PERFECTION WROTE THE 1ST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): TOTAL DREAMER Back text: You have a large capacity for helping those in distress. You are sympathetic to the world’s unfortunate, including every stray animal and helpless soul you meet.

People like you because o f your unbridled optimism. Might want to keep that in check, though.

Collecting parking tickets shouldn’t fondly be referred to as a “hobby.”

Product code: PIS-P

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AQUARIUS

January 20 - February 18

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): 100% Back text: You are a natural competitor with very little patience for whiners.

You’re a doer, not a dreamer and are not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments. People like you because you look hot in shorts.

This is the year to take your shower singing act on the road.

Product code: ARI-P

TAURUS

April 20 - May 20

GEMINI

May 21 - June 20

Pencils:

Pencils:

INFLEXIBLE BECAUSE I'M RIGHT WHO WERE YOU JUST TEXTING? I NEED MORE MIDDLE FINGERS I HEARD THERE WOULD BE CAKE JUST CALL ME DICTATOR FOR SHORT TREAT YO'SELF IS ON MY FAMILY CREST CHAMPAGNE GOES WITH EVERYTHING

VODKA IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL I MADE MEMES BEFORE IT WAS COOL I DON'T WANT TO GOSSIP, BUT...

WAIT TIL YOU MEET MY OTHER PERSONALITY I DON'T CARE WHAT I SAID 10 MINS AGO GEMINIS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES I'M NOT SUPERFICIAL, JUST REALLY INTO LOOKS

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CLASSY AF Back text: You are extremely reliable and protective of loved ones. Both loyal and committed, you have a stickto-it-ive-ness that others admire and you ensure there’s never a single drop left in the bottle of Dom Perignon. People like you because you appreciate the finer things in life and can party hard without a single hair out of place.

Product code: TAU-P

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WORLD CLASS FLIRT Back text: You are a natural flirt and tend to seek out mentors in the form of wise-ish (and sexy) bartenders. In terms of introvert and extrovert, you tend to swing both ways, depending on the day… or cocktail. And even though you’ve been called “out there” on more than one occasion, people like you because you’re the good kind of crazy.

Product code: GEM-P

CANCER

June 21 - July 22

LEO

July 23 - August 22

Pencils:

Pencils:

CANCERS HAVE ALL THE FEELS PROFESSIONAL INTROVERT I'M FINE! NO OFFENSE, I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE I'M STABBING YOU IN MY MIND BECAUSE I ONLY NEED ONE FRIEND I'M JUST GONNA STAY HOME TONIGHT

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! BUT LET'S GET BACK TO ME DID SOMEONE SAY JELLO SHOTS? LEOS HAVE THE MOST STALKERS EVEN YOUR MOM LOVES ME SPOON-FEED ME COMPLIMENTS MY AURA SHOOTS RAINBOWS & GLITTER

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): GHOSTING MASTER Back text: You’re no stranger to thumbsucking, but you’re not a total pushover, either. It’s just that you have all those FEELINGS and it sometimes makes you need hugs more than most. People like you as much for your creativity as they do for your desire to day drink under an afghan and watch Snapped marathons with your bestie.

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): HELLO GORGEOUS Back text: You are extremely charismatic and irresistible to most everyone you meet. You are generally the only person in the room who counts—and you know it. It’s not your fault you were born for such greatness. People like you almost as much as you like you.

Product code: LEO-P

Product code: CAR-P

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VIRGO

August 23 - September 22

LIBRA

September 23 - October 22

Pencils:

Pencils:

I COUGHED NOW I'M DEAD LIST-MAKING PENCIL LET ME OVERTHINK THAT THAT TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ME I EXCEL IN RANDOM WORST-CASE SCENARIOS SCHEDULING AN IMPROMPTU PARTY! VIRGOS FOLD TOWELS PERFECTLY

THANKS FOR NOTHING I'M SORRY I SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME I'M DATING SOMEONE BUT WE CAN TEXT IT'S NO PROBLEM!!!!

EASILY DISTRACTE...

WHY CAN'T WE ALL GET ALONG? PRETTY PETTY, BUT STILL PRETTY

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): NOBODY'S PERFECT (EXCEPT VIRGOS)

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): ADORABLE AF

Back text: You are cautious and careful when sober, and tend to only let loose during pre-planned events. You have a firm grasp on the number of drinks both you and anyone else has ever had, and prefer to be in charge of the designated driver list.

People like you because you look like a sexy professor and always have all the answers.

Back text: You’re a lover of art and all things beautiful and intellectual. That’s why you always date hotties with graduate degrees. Not one to enjoy alone time, you are at your best when in a solid relationship, or at least a decent one-night stand.

People like you because you tend to agree with everything.

Product code: LIB-P

Product code: VIR-P

SCORPIO

October 23 - November 21 Pencils:

Pencils:

CHECKMATE. WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? REVENGE IS BEST SERVED CONSTANTLY TWIRLING MY INVISIBLE MOUSTACHE EVIL MASTERMIND BEST FRENEMIES FOREVER PROFESSIONAL STALKER

I EXIST, THEREFORE TACOS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO LIVE IN A TENT LOL WHY R U SO SERIOUS? I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE I DON'T DO FAKE RANDOM THOUGHTS SQUAD

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): FIERCE AF Back text: You are passionate and fierce and do not suffer fools gladly.

You have the ambiance and appeal of a leather-clad supervillain and tend to keep your own entourage in tow. People like you because you always have the best ideas for revenge.

Product code: SCO-P

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SAGITTARIUS

November 22 - December 21

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): MENTALLY SINGLE Back text: You are wild and free and enjoy traveling to the far ends of the earth with your band of merry mischief- makers. Not one for long-term goals or commitments, you tend to disappear in the middle of the night for spur-of-themoment road trips. People like you because you always have the good party favors.

Product code: SAG-P

candles ASTROLOGY

what's YOUR sign?

Our 100% soy wax candles. Get the whole set!

Each lid has a brightly-colored sticker that matches our Astrology Journals, Soaps, and Pencil Sets.

Astrology Candles: Jar size: 2 3/4" diameter x 3 1/2" tall

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

Bergamot Boss fragrance

Progressive Papaya fragrance

Smells like the boss of everyone

Product code: CAP-C

Smells like a real do-gooder

Product code: AQU-C

PISCES

Smells like some serious delusions Driftwood Dreamer fragrance Product code: PIS-C

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candles

ASTROLOGY

ARIES

TAURUS

Smells like you only ride shotgun

Smells like a gold-plated sundae

Aggressive Agave Lime fragrance

Champagne Chic fragrance

Product code: ARI-C

GEMINI

Smells like a split personality Whimsical Watermelon fragrance Product code: GEM-C

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Product code: TAU-C

CANCER

Smells like buried emotions Moody Mojitos fragrance Product code: CAR-C

LEO

VIRGO

Smells like it's all about you

Smells like making a list to make a list

Vanilla Vanity fragrance

Overthinking Oranges fragrance

Product code: LEO-C

Product code: VIR-C

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

French Lavender Flirt fragrance

Vindictive Violets fragrance

Wandering White Tea fragrance

Product code: LIB-C

Product code: SCO-C

Product code: SAG-C

Smells like a peacekeeper

Smells like a supervillain

Smells like a disappearing act

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ASTROLOGY

journals

The inside covers have even more info on each astrological sign, including traits, description, colors, numbers, love matches, famous birthdays, and quotes.

notes from a boss

We are in love with our spiral-bound, lined Astrology Journals! Each one features a cover in a color specific to its astrological sign, and matches the stickers on the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Pencil Sets.

NEW Astrology Journals: Size: 7" tall x 5 1/4" width x 1/2" thick; 100 lined pages “I'm doing pretty good as far as geniuses go.”

—Kanye West, Gemini

CAPRICORN

Product code: CAP-J

Boss of the Universe December 22 - January 19

ARIES

20

Product code: ARI-J

AQUARIUS

Product code: AQU-J

PISCES

Spiritual Gangsta

Total Dreamer

January 20 - February 18

February 19 - March 20

TAURUS

Product code: TAU-J

GEMINI

First Class Rager

Self-Appointed Tyrant

Devious Minds

March 21 - April 19

April 20 - May 20

May 21 - June 20

Product code: PIS-J

Product code: GEM-J

CANCER

Hypersensitive Soul June 21 - July 22 Product code: CAR-J

bo

ie n n

Bonnie

"Yeah, I used to have real bangs."*

LEO

Product code: LEO-J

The Most Amazing Person on Earth

VIRGO

Product code: VIR-J

Clueless Perfectionist August 23 - September 22

July 23 - August 22

SAGITTARIUS

Product code: SAG-J

Casual Delinquent

LIBRA

The Self-Described Nice Person in the Room September 23 - October 22

Product code: LIB-J

SCORPIO

Product code: SCO-J

November 22 - December 21

Scary Ass Mind October 23 - November 21

*We all did. 21

This shit is nowhere near as fun as vacationing in Dull, Ohio

I feel amazing when I'm in Nothing, Arizona

Former visitor to Convict Lake, California

I'm totally in love with Shady, New York

Product code: DUL-M

Product code: NOT-M

Product code: CON-M

Product code: SHA-M

Call me delirious when I'm in Sugartit, Kentucky

I drove to Embarrass, Minnesota with my cat

I can't live without my annual trip to Weed, California

I heart my summer vacations in Stalker, Pennsylvania

Product code: SUG-M

22

Product code: EMB-M

Product code: WEE-M

Product code: STA-M

mugs

FAKE-CATION

we get it. you don't have time for a vacation. who does?

And really, what’s the difference between lying about winning a thousand bucks in Vegas over the weekend a nd lying about actually going? Everyone knows it never happened. Kind of like when I said I had an amazing time in Turks and Caicos, but instead went to my uncle’s Jersey wedding and came home with a deep orange tan that totally washed off in the shower. Fake vacations are simply better conversation.

So we’ve created an imaginary road trip for you to brag about around the water cooler, complete with interesting factual details so that you can keep your story straight. Unless you’ve got bourbon in that coffee cup. Then you’re on your own, you lush.

NEW Mug Singles: Box size: 11" width x 4" tall x 4 1/4" deep

mic

Michael

e ha

l

"THIS is the expression you want me to make?"

I'm a stone cold happy camper when I'm hiking on Bitch Mountain, New York

Everyone should go to Hell, Michigan

Because I'm super freaking in love with Difficult, Tennessee

I'm not happy unless I'm in Normal, Illinois

Product code: BIT-M

Product code: HEL-M

Product code: DIF-M

Product code: NOR-M

I like to drink a White Russian when I'm in Hooker, Oklahoma

I won a free trip to Intercourse, Pennsylvania

I like 'em historical buildings in Rough & Ready, California

I'm a total fan of Screamer, Alabama

Product code: HOO-M

Product code: INT-M

Product code: ROU-M

Product code: SCR-M

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with free display!

Each pack comes with three different journals (4” x 5.5”) banded together. Journals are pocket-sized with rounded corners, blank pages and sturdy, colorful covers. Sold in 4-packs

S h it L is t

And when you buy the JournalPack (JP1), you'll also receive our Kraft brown journal display FREE!

Queen J o u r n a ls fo r D r a m a EE SET OF THR

s

So get your writin’ pencil ready.

You’ve got some plagiarizing to do.

Shit List ng ut of Anythi a Big Deal O How to Make e Said h e Said That S e Said That H h S t a h T s g n Thi

3 -PAC K JO U R N A L S :

SET OF THREE

Journals for Artists

Shit List l Out of Anything a e D ig B a e k a M to How That Things That She Saidaid He Said That She S Product code: DRA-J

Lightly Plagiarized Ideas SET OF THREE

Journals for Writers Lightly Plagiarized Ideas Semi-Deplorable Poetr y Mostly Nonsense

3-PACK JOURNALS:

24

Expertly Shaded Curse Words

Educated Critiques EVIL PLAN of Popular Beers SET OF THREE

Journals for Beer Whisperers Educated Critiques of Popular Beers Official Beer Whisperer Notes M o r e A d j e c t i v e s t o D e s c r i b e t h a t E l u s i v e B e e r Ta s t e

3-PACK 3-PACKJOURNALS: JOURNALS:

Lightly Plagiarized Ideas Semi-Deplorable Poetry Mostly Nonsense

EVIL PLAN Educated Critiques of Popular Beers Sketches CoolWhisperer Black Costumes OfficialofBeer Notes TopMore Ten Reasons to Blow Up the that Moon Adjectives to Describe Elusive Beer Taste

Product code: WRI-J

Product code: BEE-J

E x p e r t l y Sh a d e d Cu r s e Wo rd s

My Greatest Ideas SET OF THREE

Journals for Narcissists My Greatest Ideas

Drawings of Pretty Ladies

Quotes by Me

Why G e t t i n g a R e a l J o b Wo u l d K i l l M e

Stuff About Me That Resonates with Me

3-PACK JOURNALS:

Expertly Shaded Curse Words Drawings of Pretty Ladies Why Getting a Real Job Would Kill Me Product code: ART-J

Drawings of Killer Bongs SET OF THREE

Journals for Stoners Drawings of Killer Bongs Barely Coherent Conspiracies N o , Yo u ’ r e H i g h

3-PACK JOURNALS:

3-PACK JOURNALS:

My Greatest Ideas Quotes by Me Stuff About Me That Resonates with Me Product code: NAR-J

Best Yoga Selfies SET OF THREE

Journals for Yogis B e s t Yo g a S e l f i e s Poses That Make Me Look More Athletic O rg a n i c Co co n u t Wate r S u g a r- Fre e D e s s e r t s

3-PACK JOURNALS:

Drawings of Killer Bongs Barely Coherent Conspiracies No, You’re High

Best Yoga Selfies Poses That Make Me Look More Athletic Organic Coconut Water Sugar-Free Desserts

Product code: STO-J

Product code: YOG-J

Why I Live for Summers Ways Teachers are Underappreciated

Wines That Pair Well with Grading Papers

Exercises I Probs Won't Do

SET OF THREE

Journals for Teachers Wi n e s Th at Pa i r We l l w i t h G ra d i n g Pa p e r s

SET OF THREE

Journals for #Goals

Why I Live for Summers

E xe rc i s e s I Pro b s Wo n' t D o

W a y s Te a c h e r s a r e U n d e r a p p r e c i a t e d

Motivational Quotes I Copied from the Internet #Goals I Stole from Friends

3-PACK JOURNALS:

Wines That Pair Well with Grading Papers Why I Live for Summers Ways Teachers are Underappreciated

People Who Made Me This Way SET OF THREE

Journals for Zero Fucks Pe o p l e Wh o M a d e M e Th i s Way N u m b e r o f T i m e s I S a i d F u c k I t To d a y Journal of No Fucks

3-PACK JOURNALS:

3-PACK JOURNALS:

Best Breakfast Chardonnays SET OF THREE

Journals for Winos Best Breakfast Chardonays Wi n e s Th at Pa i r We l l w i t h O t h e r Wi n e s Energizing Wines for the Shower

3-PACK JOURNALS:

Exercises I Probs Won't Do Motivational Quotes I Copied from the Internet #Goals I Stole from Friends

Best Breakfast Chardonnays Wines That Pair Well with Other Wines Energizing Wines for the Shower

Product code: TEA-J

Product code: GOA-J

Product code: WIN-J

Top Ten Ways I Was Ignored

To Do Lists I’ll Never Do

Violations of Your/You're

SET OF THREE

Journals for the Middle Child

SET OF THREE

Journals for Procrastinators

SET OF THREE

Journals for Grammar Police

To p Te n W a y s I W a s I g n o r e d

To D o L i s t s I ’ l l N e v e r D o

R e f l e c t i o n s o n Favo r i t i s m

G o a l s f o r Ye a r A f t e r N e x t

Unsolicited Grammatical Revisions I’ve Sent to Random Companies

Why Middle Children are Superior

Unused Journal

Official Grammar Police Manual

3-PACK JOURNALS:

3-PACK JOURNALS:

Violations of Your/You're

3-PACK JOURNALS:

People Who Made Me This Way Number of Times I Said Fuck It Today Journal of No Fucks

Top Ten Ways I Was Ignored Reflections on Favoritism Why Middle Children are Superior

To Do Lists I’ll Never Do Goals for Year After Next Unused Journal

Violations of Your/You're Unsolicited Grammatical Revisions I've Sent to Random Companies Official Grammar Police Manual

Product code: ZER-J

Product code: MID-J

Product code: PRO-J

Product code: GRA-J

Why Heels Work Even at the Gym

New Ways to Style Beards

Top Reasons to Stay Home

EVIL PLAN

SET OF THREE

Journals for the Classy AF Why H e e l s Wo r k Eve n at t h e Gy m H o w To B e C l a s s y A F Champagnes That Pair with Solo Cups

3-PACK JOURNALS:

SET OF THREE

Journals for Hipsters N ew Ways to St y l e B e a rd s Cra f t B e e r s I L i ke d B e fo re Th ey We re Co o l B e s t F o o d Ta t t o o s

3-PACK JOURNALS:

SET OF THREE

Journals for Introverts To p R e a s o n s t o S t a y H o m e 1-Person Par ty Ideas The Joys of Isolation

3-PACK JOURNALS:

SET OF THREE

Journals for Supervillains EVIL PLAN Sketches of Cool Black Costumes To p Te n R e a s o n s t o B l o w U p t h e M o o n

3-PACK JOURNALS:

Why Heels Work Even at the Gym How to be Classy AF Champagnes That Pair with Solo Cups

New Ways to Style Beard Craft Beers I Liked Before They Were Cool Best Food Tattoos

Top Reasons to Stay Home 1-Person Party Ideas The Joys of Isolation

EVIL PLAN Sketches of Cool Black Costumes Top Ten Reasons to Blow Up the Moon

Product code: CLA-J

Product code: HIP-J

Product code: INT-J

Product code: SUP-J

25

BIRTHDAY BLUES Smells like every birthday after 21

Which is cool, because I'm still 21.

Just like every year.

Product code: BIR-B

SINGLE LADIES

THE MIDDLE CHILD

Smells like Beyoncé's breath Product code: MID-B

Largely invisible scent

Go ahead and dye your hair purple.

No one will notice.

CAT PEOPLE

Smells like a fizzing hairball What? It's not like there wasn't one in the tub anyway.

Product code: CAT-B

26

EXTROVERTS Smells like hi!!!!!!!

Singles exclamations points are not part of my lexicon.

Product code: EXT-B

BAKE & BATHE Smells like medicinal use

And the time of your life.

In some states. In other states, it just smells like weed.

Product code: SIN-B

Product code: BAK-B

FML

NAMASTE

DAY DRINKING

Or a cult. And a whole lot of green smoothies.

And Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and you get the drill.

In one way or another.

Most likely in a tequila bottle.

Product code: NAM-B

Product code: DAY-B

Product code: FML-B

Smells like enlightenment

Smells like Saturday

Smells like drowning

THE FIRST CHILD Smells like you're just more important

You had to have your own bath bomb, didn't you.

Product code: FIC-B

CLASSY AF

Smells like gettin' naked

GRAMMAR POLICE

TEACHERS

YOU'RE THE WORST

Ahahahaha.

It's so easy to get under your skin.

Or at least having PTSD about it.

(That, and you've got a really cute butt.)

Product code: GRA-B

Product code: TEA-B

Product code: YOU-B

Smells like your annoying

QUEENS

Smells like major drama

And then dressed up to get messed up.

(Fragrance: Black currant)

And if you don't like this bath bomb, I'm going to set myself on fire!

Product code: CLA-B

Product code: QUE-B

WRITER'S BLOCK Smells like regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire.

Come on. It's a bath bomb, not magic. Try vodka.

Product code: WRI-B

WHAT KIDS?

Smells like a locked door I can't hear you I can't hear you I can't hear you.

Product code: WHA-B

Smells like grading papers, even on your honeymoon

DOG PEOPLE

Smells like a wet, drooling dog Ok. It doesn't. Unless your dog is also taking a bath.

Product code: DOG-B

Smells like that's why I love you

SICK DAYS

Smells like a mini vacation Sometimes it's the only way to get a day off.

Product code: SIC-B

IT'S ONLY FRICKIN' TUESDAY

ZERO FUCKS

There's no way in hell I'm going to make it to Friday, people.

And frankly, I don't blame you. Much.

Product code: FRI-B

Product code: ZER-B

Smells like slowly dying

Smells like you have none left to give

27

EPIC FAILS Smells like teeny, tiny mistake, ok?

But hopefully this soap will make up for it, it’s like all handmade and stuff.

Product codes: EPI-S / EPI-C

YOU'RE THE WORST Smells like that's why I love you (That, and you've got a really cute butt.)

Product codes: YOU-S / YOU-C

Soap

Soap Pepsi latte Back side: aApologetically foaming soap aHelps wash away failure aLimits new mistakes

Snarky candy hearts Candle Candle

Back side: aYou’re lucky I’m so desperate a(Lol) aYou’ll do

EXTROVERTS Smells like hi!!!!!!!

Single exclamation points are not part of my lexicon.

The sun in human form (Juicy Fruit)

Back side: aHi!!!!!!!!!!!! aCome out! Come out! aComeoutcomeoutcomeout

Product codes: EXT-S / EXT-C Soap

Candle

a

y b b

Abby

28

"Purple glitter eyeshadow?

I have to go to my other job right after this."

THE FIRST CHILD Smells like you're just more important You had to have your own soap, didn’t you.

Product codes: FIC-S / FIC-C

Soap

Candle

silv

S i l ve r

er

"No one's going to see this, right?" *

Brand-new everything (Wintergreen) Back side: aReduces parental pressure aKeeps younger siblings out of your stuff aIs practically perfect, too

SILVER LININGS Smells like fuck silver linings You know that every silver lining has a cloud, right?

Product codes: SIL-S / SIL-C Soap

Cotton candy nightmare

Candle

Back side: aTomorrow’s a new day! aDuh. aBut really. It is.

*Nope.

29

HAPPY CAMPERS Smells like an oxymoron

You know you can just make s’mores in the microwave, right?

Product codes: HAP-S / HAP-C Soap Nuked s'mores

m a j

es

Back side: aIncreases instances of squatting in the woods aWho needs plumbing? aBugs are people, too

Candle

James

"Blue Steel?

Yes, I can do Blue Steel."

WHEN I WAS A KID

Smells like eating Tide out of the box Things were freaking tough back then.

Tide Pods

Back side: a Mmmm... a Tasty a Don’t eat detergent, kid

Product codes: WHE-S / WHE-C

Soap

Candle

30

DRINKING BUDDIES Smells like a match made in tequila Keeping the local bar open.

Just another service we provide.

Dos margaritas Back side: aFancy meeting you here a Just like yesterday a Barkeep!

Product codes: DRI-S / DRI-C

Soap

Candle

MESSY PEOPLE

SMART FUCKERS

Smells like a potential genius

Smells like go away

Just look at Einstein, Steve Jobs, and all those people on Hoarders.

I prefer hanging out with people who are just a little bit dumber than me.

Product codes: MEP-S / MEP-C

Product codes: SMF-S / SMF-C Smarties candy

Back side: aDumbing down formula aHelps intellectuals to "fit in" better aStops pesky thinking

Soap

Soap

Candle

Unopened Mr. Clean

Back side: aAdds to clutter! aLooks good on a messy desk aFun find 2 years later!

Candle

31

CAT PEOPLE Smells like purring

And a fresh hairball under your foot.

Product codes: CAT-S / CAT-C Soap Warm milk scent

Back side: aMy cat has an Instagram aLint rollers in the car aDog people suck

Candle

SINGLE LADIES

Smells like Beyoncé's breath And the best time of your life.

SOCIAL ANXIETY Smells like a list of pre-planned excuses

Are you kidding me? I really did break my glass eye and set the waterbed on fire.

Product codes: SOC-S / SOC-C

Product codes: SIN-S / SIN-C

Soap

Soap

Vodka Vitamin Water Back side: aI have Ebola aMy hamster ran away

aI just found out I'm a hologram

Lemonade Candle

Back side: aDo whatever the F you want aNo in-laws

aShould've put a ring on it....

DOG PEOPLE

MORNING PEOPLE

And drool. Lots and lots of drool.

Uh-oh. Does somebody have a case of the Mondays?

Smells like unconditional love

Smells like a hell no

Product codes: DOG-S / DOG-C Soap

Product codes: MOR-S / MOR-C Soap

Grassy dog park scent

32

Back side: aDrawer of embarrassing costumes aWet chew toys everywhere aCat people are freaks

Candle

Sugar cereal coma scent Candle

Back side: aWhat alarm? aStop talking so loud aI can cut you

Candle

COLORADO IS THE STANDARD Product codes: STO-S / STO-C COLORADO Soap

Product codes: VTS-S / VTS-C

Product codes: NES-S / NES-C

VERMONT Soap

NEVADA Soap

VERMONT Candle

NEVADA Candle

COLORADO Candle

Cannabis scent

Product codes: CST-S / CST-C

Product codes: MIS-S / MIS-C

Product codes: OST-S / OST-C

Product codes: WST-S / WST-C

CALIFORNIA Soap

MICHIGAN Soap

OREGON Soap

WASHINGTON Soap

CALIFORNIA Candle

MICHIGAN Candle

OREGON Candle

WASHINGTON Candle

Back side: aGateway soap aAntagonizes DEA aApproved for medicinal purposes

BOOK CLUB

Product codes: MAS-S / MAS-C

Product codes: AKS-S / AKS-C

Smells like why. Oh yeah, wine.

MASSACHUSETTS Soap

ALASKA Soap

I'm in like four book clubs and I only read cereal boxes.

MASSACHUSETTS Candle

ALASKA Candle

Product codes: DCS-S / DCS-C

Product codes: MES-S / MES-C

WASH DC Soap

MAINE Soap

WASH DC Candle

MAINE Candle

BIRTHDAY BLUES Smells like every birthday after 21

Which is cool, because I'm still 21.

Just like every year.

Product codes: BOO-S / BOO-C

Soap Wine and paperbacks Candle

Back side: aPairs well with gossip

aAnd wine

aAnd more wine

BEING AWESOME

Smells like a cool story, bro No really. I looove hearing every single detail about that one time.

Product codes: BIR-S / BIR-C

Soap

Soap

Sad birthday cake Back side: aI never get carded anymore

aAnd I'm STILL 21. Pinky swear.

aWill you stop counting already?

Product codes: BEI-S / BEI-C

Candle

Candle

One surfing lesson scent (Ocean scented) Back side: aDude. aFist bump! aAwesomesauce.

33

ZERO FUCKS Smells like you have none left to give

And frankly, I don't blame you. Much.

candles Product codes: ZER-S / ZER-C

Okay Moms

Soap

Creamsicle scent

Cat People Writer's Block

Back side: aTired aOf aIt

Candle

GRAMMAR POLICE Smells like your annoying

Ahahaha.

It’s so easy to get under your skin.

Dog People Stoners Day Drinking

Product codes: GRA-S / GRA-C Soap Jelly doughnut scent Candle

Zero Fucks

Back side: aYour/you’re aTheir/there/they’re aThings I've just learned since Facebook

THE MIDDLE CHILD

It's Only

Largely invisible scent

Frickin' Tuesday

Go ahead and dye your hair purple.

No one will notice.

Gettin' Lit Namaste

34

Product codes: MID-S / MID-C Soap Purple haze scent (Grape scented) Back side:

aMagnifies misery

aYour sister’s wedding

was just beautiful

aWho are you again?

Candle

HOT MESSES

AWKWARD MOMENTS

Smells like major entertainment Seriously, I can't wait to hear your latest installment.

Smells like your entire life Increases instances of missed highfives & blind dates with your dad

Product codes: HOT-S / HOT-C Soap

Product codes: AWK-S / AWK-C

Soap

Cheap lip gloss scent Candle

Back side: aEncourages late nights aEnhances walks of shame aKnows the best happy hours

A MAN’S MAN Smells like Alaska

Which, I guess smells like wet bear fur and salmon. Yum.

Sketchy ointment scent

Back side: aFly unzipped aUnwanted eye contact aWrong person

Candle

GETTIN' LIT

Smells like lunchtime cocktails and other bad ideas But I like bad ideas.

Meet me around noon?

Product codes: MAN-S / MAN-C Soap

Product codes: GET-S / GET-C Soap

Blizzard campfire scent Back side:

aGood for bear wrasslin’

aDoesn’t talk much either

aWill drink you under the hand-hewn table

Umbrella drinks Candle

IT’S ONLY FRICKIN’ TUESDAY Smells like slowly dying

There’s no way in hell I’m going to make it to Friday, people.

Gum smacking co-worker scent (Spearmint) Back side: aWake me up on Thursday aI’m already four coffees in aYawn.

Product codes: FRI-S / FRI-C Soap

Candle

Candle

Back side: aWho cares if it's only Tuesday aIt'll break up the week aLet's do this

OKAY MOMS

Smells like truth And wine. Probably a lot of wine.

Product codes: OKA-S / OKA-C

Soap Sippy cup wine Candle

Back side: aPairs well with nap time

aIs also tired of perfect moms

aYour kids love you anyway

35

THE BASIC

Smells like Lululemon and Finstas Oh. Em. Gee. Let's get lit tonight and sing 80s songs at karaoke.

Product codes: BAS-S / BAS-C

Soap Pumpkin spice latte Candle

Back side: aMy hair straightener is bomb AF aI'm just wearing leggings aChipotle is my liiiife

BEER WHISPERERS Smells like IPA insanity

Bright, fresh and piney with hints of nobody cares and where’s my PBR?

m

a

ur

n e e

Maureen "O. M. G."

Product codes: BEE-S / BEE-C Soap Oatmeal stout Back side: aThe proof is in the beer belly aSome of us just want a buzz aUh-oh: Craft weed is trending....

BRIDESMAIDS

Candle

CAF+FIEND

Smells like peach chiffon and ruffles

Try upstaging the bride in THAT.

Product codes: CAF-S / CAF-C Product codes: BRI-S / BRI-C

Soap

Soap

CAF+FIEND

Peach schnapps

36

Back side: aIt's all about the bride! a(It's all about my hookup...) aJust tell me who's single

Roasted coffee scent Candle

Candle

THE CREATIVE TYPE

CLASSY AF

Smells like sink bathing and dry shampoo

Smells like brain vomit

You can't help it.

The ideas just spew everywhere.

And then dressed up to get messed up.

Product codes: CLA-S / CLA-C Smelly marker

Soap The little black soap

Back side: aPairs well with a Sharpie

aThe one in your pocket

aThat vandalizes bathroom stalls all by itself

(Fragrance: Black currant)

Back side: aChampagne in a Solo cup aHeels at the gym aMani-pedi before sentencing

Candle

DAD BODS

Product codes: CRE-S / CRE-C Soap

Candle

DAD JOKES

Smells like cookies & cable sports

Smells like groaning kids Why do the jokes always happen in the car? #captiveaudience

Hey, it’s not your fault if chicks are into it

Product codes: DAD-S / DAD-C Soap

Product codes: DAJ-S / DAJ-C

Soap Toasted marshmallow scent

Corniest corn bread

Back side: aPairs well with couch time aBuilds unwavering confidence aBring me another beer

Candle Candle

DAY DRINKING

EVIL DICTATORS

Smells like Saturday

Scented with the plight of the people

And Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and you get the drill.

Washes away any pathetic attempts at democracy

Product codes: DAY-S / DAY-C

Product codes: EVI-S / EVI-C

Soap

Stale tobacco scent

Mojitos

Back side: aPairs well with daytime TV aHelps pass the time aSeamless segue into nighttime drinking

Candle

Back side: aHey Dad, make me a sandwich

aPoof! You're a sandwich

a#sloweyeroll

Back side: aInspires fear aA favorite of state-run media aLooks good on a horse

Soap

Candle

37

FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

FAKE NEWS

Smells like drinking the Kool-Aid

Smells like your European vacation was a real bummer

No wonder everyone has their heads in the sand.

What, your wifi isn't working?

Tears, buddy.

Product codes: FAK-S / FAK-C

Product codes: FIR-S / FIR-C

Soap Orange Kool-Aid Back side: aYou're fake news

aNo, you are!

aTakes one to know one,

poser news

I said no almonds (Almond) Candle

Back side: aHot Pocket is still frozen

aMy AC is FREEZING

aRipped jeans now too ripped

Back side: aReformats your hard drive aEffective at killing viruses aMade with The Force

Smells like perfect abs and a fabulous career

No one else understands the scent

It would help if I got out of bed before noon. #fail

Product codes: GEE-S / GEE-C

Product codes: GOA-S / GOA-C

Soap

Soap

Candle

Unicorn farts (Rainbow sherbet) Back side: aWrinkle-free everything aCalorie-free pizza aEx in a man romper

Smells like big money and happiness in your future

Smells like a flask in your pocket Hey, even the DMV is tolerable with enough booze.

Always believe the positive fortune cookies.

Product codes: GOF-S / GOF-C

Product codes: GOO-S / GOO-C

Soap

38

Candle

GOOD FORTUNE

GOOD TIMES

Straight up hooch scent (Rum & coke) Back side: aFamily drama aRenewing your license aRunning into your ex

Candle

#GOALS

GEEKS

Wifi scented

Cucumber, wasabi & cilantro scent

Soap

Soap Fortune cookie

Candle

Back side: aRiches! aLove! aHungry in an hour!

Candle

HANGOVERS

HEY GIRL

Smells like hair of the dog

Smells like boyfriend material

And don’t talk to me again until I’m on my second Bloody Mary.

Someone is channeling Ryan Gosling.

Product codes: HEY-S / HEY-C

Product codes: HAN-S / HAN-C Soap

Soap Green appletini

Bloody Mary scent Back side: aWhy do I do this to myself? aLast night was fun, lol aWhat’s on tap for tonight?

Candle

Back side: a"Girl, you got this" a"I love those pajama jeans" a"I made brownies for dinner"

I DON'T MATH

HIPSTERS

Coffee, bacon & craft beer scent

Back side: aEncourages pretension aSustains elitism aDisintegrates into normcore when wet

Coffee, bacon & craft beer

Smells like tipping fifty bucks on a thirty-dollar check

Smells just like your beard

But really, is anyone complaining?

Product codes: IDM-S / IDM-C

Product codes: HIP-S / HIP-C Soap

Soap Key lime Pi

Candle

Back side: aNumbers give me hives aThis is why calculators exist aAnd fingers... and toes

Smells like somebody's passive-aggressive

Unscented

Because seriously, you’re not going anywhere anyway

No, really. It's fine. I'm fine.

It's all fine. Really.

Product codes: ITF-S / ITF-C

Product codes: INT-S / INT-C

Back side: aGreat solo activity aRespects your space aWon’t ask you to an event

Candle

IT'S FINE

INTROVERTS

Unscented

Candle

Soap

Soap Plain tap water Candle

Back side: aWhatever aI'm not mad aIt's fine

Candle

39

LEFTIES

KARMA

Smells like the weird scissors

Scented with HAHAHAHA. Sorry not sorry.

Can’t you like, be normal or something?

Product codes: KAR-S / KAR-C Soap

Product codes: LEF-S / LEF-C

Candle

Laughing Buddha scent (Sandalwood scented) Back side: aHa. aHa. aHa.

Soap Preschool Paste Jar scent (Mint)

Back side: aThe old gross baseball glove aBackwards coffee mugs aDinnertime elbow wars

Candle

MANSPLAINING

LOVE STINKS

Smells like thank you sooooo much

Smells like chocolate and swearing off dating

I never would have figured out the pencil sharpener without you.

Until it doesn't.

Product codes: MNG-S / MNG-C

Product codes: LOV-S / LOV-C Soap Chocolate strawberries

Back side: aNo more! aI'm great! aI'm so lonely...

Candle

MIDLIFE CRISIS Smells like a motorcycle Or a perm. Or a food truck.

Product codes: MIC-S / MIC-C Soap

Soap This is how coffee smells Back side: aSo THAT'S how you spell my name aAnd spell my hometown aAnd dress like a real woman

NAMASTE

Smells like enlightenment Or a cult. And a whole lot of green smoothies.

Product codes: NAM-S / NAM-C Soap

Kumquat tree scent

40

Back side: aWon’t fade new tattoos aMild on recent piercings aLikes 22-year-olds, too

Candle

Candle

Candle

Om scent (Lavender & eucalyptus scented) Back side: aGratitude for yoga pants aDownward dog anyplace, anywhere, anytime aBreathe.

NAPPING

QUEENS

Smells like my one true love

Smells like major drama

Seriously. Don't try to come between me and my naps, 'less you want cut.

And if you don’t like this soap, I’m going to set myself on fire!

Product codes: NAP-S / NAP-C

Product codes: QUE-S / QUE-C Soap

Soap Mtn. Dew sugar crash Candle

Back side: aMidmorning nap

aAfter-lunch nap

aAfter-nap nap

Just bite me scent (Cherry candy scented) Back side: aTalk to the hand. aI’m. Going. Out. And don’t even think of following me a(Text me later, boo)

Candle

SHIT SHOWS

SELFIES

Smells like last night

And basically my whole life, in case you were wondering.

Scented with eye-rolling and general derision Anti-kissy lips

Product codes: SHI-S / SHI-C

Product codes: SEL-S / SEL-C Soap

Bubblegum scent

Back side: aReplaces phone in bathroom aGently removes narcissism aNixes driver’s seat pictures

Candle

SLIGHTLY UNHINGED

Smells like unpredictable behavior Which is completely sexy until you stab someone

Product codes: SLI-S / SLI-C Jello shots scent

Back side: a20% scary aAlways exciting a35% scarier after cocktails

Soap Fireball shots scent (red hot cinnamon) Back side: aI did what? aSo THAT'S how I got that bruise aIt was fun, though, right?

Candle

SMALL TOWNS

Smells like everything is relative But not like marrying your relative or anything. Chill out.

It's just a date.

Soap

Product codes: SMA-S / SMA-C Soap

Candle

Candle

Root beer float Back side: aOMG, high school sports!

aWe're getting a Chipotle???

aComplain all you want, but

you'll miss it when you leave

41

TINY SUCCESSES

SUNDAY FUNDAY

Smells like unburned microwave popcorn

Smells like mimosas & cheap gossip And a Monday morning call-in sick day.

This is just the first of many teeny tiny successes to come.

Product codes: SUN-S / SUN-C

Product codes: TIN-S / TIN-C

Soap

Soap Caramel popcorn

Mimosas scent

Back side: aBooze-soaked appetizers aBooze-soaked future plans aBooze-soaked Uber ride home

Candle

Back side: aCongrats! aYou deserve a gold bar aOf soap. You're welcome.

WOO GIRLS

TRUE ARTISTS

Smells like WOOOOO! WOO! WOOOOO!

Smells like unemployment Combined with ramen noodles and high-quality paintbrushes.

You know who you are.

Product codes: TRU-S / TRU-C

Product codes: WOO-S / WOO-C

Soap

Soap Watermelon shots

Art studio fumes scent

Candle

Back side: aHelps keep you from working for the man aInspires all-nighters aIs dead broke, too

Candle

Candle

Back side: aShots! aShots! aShots!

YUGE MISTAKES

WRITER'S BLOCK

Smells like a comb-over

Smells like regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire

But a really super terrific comb-over like you’ve never seen before.

Come on. It's a bar of soap, not magic. Try vodka.

Product codes: YUG-S / YUG-C Product codes: WRI-S / WRI-C Soap

Candle

42

Cheap whiskey scent

Back side: aZaps implausible plots aEliminates derivative work aBetter for your liver

Fat cat scent (Cubans & cognac) Back side: aMakes washing great again aOnly losers don’t use soap aIncredible formula made by the best most intelligent people

Soap

Candle

Addie

"Can we frame this and send it to Meema & Opa?"

ORDER MINIMUMS: First order: $150.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River products.

Re-orders: $100.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River soaps, candles, bath bombs and journals.

TERMS: New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash or credit card. Please attach a credit sheet for future terms Net 30.

Established accounts: Net 30.

FYI: Some of our candles have slightly revised copy on the labels because silly lines about “lathering up” don’t make a lick of sense on a candle and we adhere to a stringent 20% rule about making sense.

‘NOTHER FYI: All our soaps, candles and bath bombs are handmade, so no two look exactly alike. Expect some deviation!

MORE FYI GARBAGE: INGREDIENTS: Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like coffee beans and grounds in the CAF+FIEND and glitter in the Queens. The basic ingredients (which are all printed on the labels) are: Coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, fragrance.

Bath Bombs contain sodium bicarbonate, citric acid (for fizzing), food-grade PEG, alcohol, coloring and fragrance. Some contain small amounts of glitter. Bath bombs for Dog People and Classy AF also contain activated charcoal for color.

NOTE: Bath bombs are just for fun. Caution: For adult use only. Use only as directed.

Excessive use or prolonged exposure may cause irritation to skin and urinary tract. Keep out of eyes and mouth. Discontinue use if rash, redness, or itching occur. Consult your physician if irritation persists. Keep out of the reach of children.

Our candles are 100% soy wax with added color & fragrance. The end.

Terms and Conditions of Credit • All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from the date shipped.

• A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, prepayment may be required.

• Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Co. all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law.

PAYMENT: Company check, money order, cash, or credit card SHIPPING: Orders shipped via UPS within the continental USA or via Priority Mail elsewhere, unless otherwise specified. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total. All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s). Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of the Whiskey River Soap Co. CLAIMS: Any claims for damaged or mis-shipped items must be made within 10 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep.

RETURNS: Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped. For damaged or mis-shipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received beyond the 30 day return window. Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer. Please call 740-973-9817 for authorization and additional instructions.

PRICING: Prices are subject to change without notice. This order form and pricing supersedes all others. 2019 prices are effective January 1, 2019.

NOTE ABOUT PERISHABLE PRODUCTS: Our products are perishable. Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life. Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque.

43

astrology pencil-pack

astrology soap-pack

All 12 Astrology Pencil Packs

All 12 Astrology Soap Packs

(4 packs each sign)

(4 packs each sign)

Smells like some serious delusions

Product code: AP1

Product code: AS1

DRIFTWOOD DREAMER

S O A P

F O

R

PISCES A

F E B RUA RY 19 - M A RC H 2 0

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

astrology candle-pack

astrology journal-pack

All 12 Astrology Candle Sets

All 12 Astrology Journal Sets

(4 candles each sign)

(4 journals each sign)

Product code: AC1

Product code: AJ1

soap-pack

SP1 BEST SELLERS SOAPS 14-PACK

Comes with 14 best sellers (4 soaps each) for a total of 56 soaps, plus a free display on your first order!

Product code: SP1

display

journal display

FREE when you fill it

FREE when filled with journals and with JP1 on initial journal orders.

with product!

Product code: DB

Additional fee for extra displays.

Product code: JD

44

new pencil-pack Comes with all 7 pencil styles (4 styles each) for a total of 28 pencil packs.

Product code: PP1

BP1 BATH BOMBS 12-PACK

bomb-pack Comes with 12 best-selling bath bomb styles (4 bombs each), 48 total bombs Product code: BP1

candle-pack

CP1 BEST SELLERS CANDLES 6-PACK

Comes with 6 best sellers (3 candles each) for a total of 18 candles.

Product code: CP1

all-white candle option Haley

If you would prefer your candles to all be WHITE for aesthetic reasons, we're down with that! NO EXTRA CHARGE!

"Fake bangs make me look 12. Hmph!" *

Product code: AWC

pencil display

journal-pack Comes with a case pack of 10 best-selling journal sets & FREE display (40 journal sets) Product code: JP1

includes: Teachers Grammar Police Procrastinators #Goals Winos Middle Child Zero Fucks Drama Queens Introverts Writers

FREE when filled with pencils. Additional fee for extra displays.

Product code: PD

h

e al

y *Yes, they do. 45

stuff people emailed us.

“Had to tell you your branding is brilliant!

So innovative! Huge kudos and many sales!"

– Marilyn ....

“Hello, Good Morning!

I just wanted to say that I love all the names for your soap company!! Thanks for the laughs this morning... my co-worker and I were in tears! Well done.

You really have something special here :-) I will be ordering these in the future!"

“I haven’t laughed out loud at six in the morning for a long time. I’ll be back to your website and buy some stuff for the holidays. But, just wanted to thank you for making me laugh—I need soap for cynical misanthropes that used to be optimistic."

– Lisa

....

“Hello. I have just come across your website. Absolutely brilliant! And you’ve given me loads of laughs already, and It’s not even mid-morning yet!"

– Cassandra

....

“Dear Whiskey River Soap Company!!!!!!

You guys are awesome!!! My friend and I found your products on Pinterest. We were both having a bad day. And we started to scroll through all your different soaps, reading each the little descriptions on it and they made our day ten times better. We couldn't stop laughing for a good 45 minutes. I just had to thank you for being an amazing company and brightening our day!!"

– Nerissa – Naomi

....

“I just spent an hour laughing as I read through your soaps and candles... please, do you have any Australian stockists?"

....

“It’s so full of awesome and as a middle child I look forward to the arrival of my soap! Thank you for a morning of laughter."

– Kat – Joanne

....

“I just wanted to take the time to tell you guys how happy I am with your products. I have purchased many different items as gifts for my loved ones. They truly are the perfect gift for people who are impossible to buy for, and I recommend them as gifts for anyone who will bother to listen to me. I also contacted you guys about not including a price in a gift and you offered to send a message which made the purchase that much better (and you responded to my email unbelievably fast). I am sure being in sales, you're contacted with a lot of complaints because customers are the worst, so I wanted to take the time to offer my praise.

So show this email to your boss, ask for raise, or at least to get out early on this Friday!"

– One of your loyal customers, Rachel 46

....

“So my family and I were in the OBX this summer, and in a small bookstore in Corolla, we stumbled upon some of your candles. We purchased Yuge Mistakes and LOVE it. I just found your site and spent the last hour reading the candles and their corresponding description! Very well done and extremely well written!! Can't stop laughing."

– Chris

....

“You are, hands down, my new favorite find/company/go to gift source. Priceless!”

Zane

"Ahahahaha."

– Pam

stuff people emailed us.

“I am visiting family, and yesterday while window shopping with friends, I walked into a local shop.

I moved through the aisles at a leisurely pace, occasionally picking up an item to peruse more thoroughly, only to place back on the shelf. Finally, at the far end of where I started, I came upon a display of Whiskey River Soaps. I had never heard of nor seen your soap line. I began to giggle, then chuckle, then laugh loudly. I called my friends over and soon, they too were laughing loudly.

“I saw a Bored Panda ad on Facebook, clicked on it, and it showcased some of your soaps. So of course I went straight to your website, and am in tears!!!!! Holy cow, I know what I’m getting EVERYONE for Christmas!!!

Thank you SO much for the much-needed laugh—this has been a craphole week!"

– Bev

....

I purchased Zero Fucks for a friend because as baby boomers, we frequently mention how our Give-ACrap meters are broken. This is not to say that we have grown completely jaded. Baby smiles, puppy licks, kitten purrs, California Chardonnay, all still manifest warm fuzzies for us. But let's be honest, as a civilization we are doomed, so simple pleasures are becoming touchstones of sanity in an ever-increasing chaotic world.

Hence, my sincere gratitude for the delightfully honest marketing of your soaps. I will be sure to purchase more in the future."

– Rebecca

....

“...The priceless factor is from the labels. Quite clever. So much snark, packed into just a few brief lines on the labels– impressive. Intellectual. Inventive. And a whole lot of other "i" words, if I wanted to continue on that alliterative groove.

Whoever is writing for you should be working in Hollywood.

Reading your soap labels is far more entertaining than any sitcom I've seen, in a long time. So freakin' funny, I was compelled to tell you so.

You have surpassed my standard for comedy, stepping ahead of my daily default: watching classic sitcom re-runs and BBC comedy The Vicar of Dibley on Netflix, when there is nothing else of value on television. Reading your soap labels is now my new passion. Well done! I take my hat off to you. Well, if I had a hat. :(" – Claire

“G’day from New Zealand, Whiskey River Soap Company!

....

First of all, your products have been the highlight of my week. Where have you been all my life? There’s just enough snark balanced with a quality product to tempt me to alter my budget drastically! "

....

“I live in Brisbane, Australia. I woke up this morning, got on Pinterest social media and I saw two of your products posted. I laughed my head off. These soaps and candles are so witty and facetious. You made my day they are so funny but so true. I have posted quite a few of your products on my comedy board on Pinterest: Being Awesome, Cool Kids, The Middle Child, and more. Who knows, it might lead to more sales for you!

“I am absolutely crying with laughter at your soaps!

Love them... do you post to the UK?"

Keep up the good work. The world needs more laughter and you have provided me with plenty."

­– Jayshree

– Robert

....

....

– Danni

“I haven’t laughed this much in ages! Do you know how hard it is to explain to your husband you were just reading soap labels?!!!"

“Hey, I really like your job.

Can you send it to Brazil?"

– Camila

– Kayla

47

someone said...

“Our customers love the soaps! At both stores, we keep the soap display close to the registers. At the Wharf store, I often overhear customers exclaiming and giggling as they browse the soap display and we've also gotten comments about how good the store smells.”

- Jen C., Wholesale Customer Politics and Prose at The Wharf, Washington D.C. ....

“The originator of our “Borrow My Pens” and “Take Out Fake-Out” bags has a very funny line of soap and candles you need to buy - and like right now.”

- Fred & Friends ....

“The first time I laid eyes on Whiskey River Soap products, I knew they would be a hit! Fun, quality products with a bit of sass! First came the soap and candles, then the bath bombs and journals... then BAM! Astrology! I can't wait to see the next big thing you come out with and can't wait to show my accounts!

'Cause baby, this stuff sells!”

- Bonnie Butler, Sales Rep Candace & Company

w w w.whiskeyriversoap.com • sales@whiskeyriversoap.com 48