Whiskey River Fall 2020 Catalog

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Bye, 2020 If you're anything like us, you’re caught between a type of delusional nostalgia and a desperate desire for 2020 to be way in the past. This collection of new products is a result of both that dichotomy, and the very real challenges of what we’ve been going through as a global population. And I just have to tell you, 2020: your playlist sucks.

Cover model Kennedy O. constructs a tower of WRS products in a restored vintage '70s terry cloth romper and dirty Converse.

And that's how we like it.

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Collections Emergency Ambiance travel Tins

liquid hand soap

colored pencil pack

Pages 6-9

Pages 34-37

Page 28

puzzles

vintage paint can Candles

Pages 10-11

Pages 12-13

old school matchbooks Pages 20-25

personal space rulers Pages 14-19

how to order Contact your local sales rep, or if you don't know who the heck that is, give us a shout or shoot us an email at sales@whiskeyriversoap.com and we'll help you get connected.

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68 W. Main St.

TEL: 740.973.9817

Open 9 a.m. - 5 p.m. M-F

sales@whiskeyriversoap.com

Newark, OH 43055

FAX: 877.515.4424

soap

astrology

Pages 60-93

Pages 46-59 S O A P

F O

R

SAGITTARIUS A

N OV E M B E R 21 - D E C E M B E R 21

Smells like a disappearing act WANDERING WHITE TEA N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

candles Pages 60-93

pandemic soaps & candles

bath bombs

phobia candles

pencils

Pages 94-95

Pages 40-41

Pages 42-43

Pages 29-33

WTF? candles

party

journals

Pages 26-27

Pages 44-45

Pages 38-39

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Travel Tins 6

New

Emergency

Ambiance Hey, know what this situation is severely lacking? That’s right. AMBIANCE. And we've got the perfect travel candle tin for all kinds of emergencies!

Emergency Ambiance Travel Tins: 100% soy wax scented with fragrance oils. Burn time: 4 1-hour emergency burns. Comes with “Emergency Ambiance” pack of matches under lid. Stainless steel tin size: 1.125" H x 3.125" D. 14 different 3-ounce candle styles sold in 4-packs.

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bring your own ambiance.

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bad vibes

BECAUSE CHILDREN

EDIBLES KICKED IN

BAD-T

BEC-T

EDI-T

EVIL PRESENCE DETECTED

FUCK ALL Y'ALL

FUCK THIS MEETING

EVI-T

YAL-T

MEE-T

I MISS MY DOG

MERCURY IN RETROGRADE

NOT ENOUGH CATS

DOG-T

MER-T

CAT-T

OTHER PEOPLE

PARTY FOR ONE

PLEASE STOP TALKING

OTH-T

PAR-T

PLE-T

SOMEONE COUGHED

THIS PLAYLIST SUCKS

COU-T

PLA-T

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New vintage postcard

Puzzles Wanna get your puzzle on? We’ve been hooked on these time-wasters for months now. And when winter hits? Sheesh, you can bet we’ll be doing at least a puzzle a week.

Puzzles: 1,000+ piece puzzles bagged and packed in sturdy, colorful boxes. Box size 8" H x 10" W. Puzzle size: 19.5" H x 26.875" W. 4 different puzzle styles sold in 2-packs.

THE ISLE OF SELF PITY SEL-Z

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BAD DECISION BLUFFS BAD-Z

FOMO MOUNTAIN FOM-Z

HOT MESS DESERT HOT-Z

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New

Vintage Style

paint can candles Introducing the candles you didn't know you needed... until right this second! Our new soy candles in vibrant vintage-style cans are tinted to look like you’ve just opened a fresh can of paint.

Paint Can Candles: 12-ounce soy wax candles hand-poured into paint cans designed with vintage-style labels. Candle can size 3.875" H x 3.25" D. Burn time: 40 hours. 4 different paint can candle styles sold in 3-packs.

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AW HELL NO

GOOD SHIT

FIG, LEATHER & TOBACCO FRAGRANCE

TRUFFLE BUTTER FRAGRANCE

PAI-2

PAI-3

FUCK IT

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

BERGAMOT, TOBACCO & YUZU FRAGRANCE

SMOKED VANILLA & TEAKWOOD FRAGRANCE

PAI-1

PAI-4

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this is what we do during a pandemic.

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New personal space

Rulers You can hold it right there, pal. I don’t need to smell you to hear what you’re saying. Introducing handy fold-out personal space rulers to help others keep a healthier distance. Respect the personal space!

Personal Space Rulers: Box size 1.5" H x 25" L x 1" D. Ruler size (folded) 12" L x 1.25" H. 12 different fold-out ruler styles.

Printed on wood with gold metal rivet. Sold in 2-packs.

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hey, those are my ding dongs.

ROOMMATE RULER ROO-R

SCHOOL RULER SCH-R

FAMILY RULER FAM-R

DAD RULER DAD-R

MOM RULER MOM-R

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step away from the desk, kid.

NURSE RULER NUR-R

OFFICE RULER OFF-R

MANNERS RULER MAN-R

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TEACHER RULER TEA-R

SOCIAL RULER SOC-R

STONER RULER STO-R

INTROVERT RULER INT-R

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New

Matchbooks Yeah, matches are USEFUL. And we know everyone likes lighting shit on fire occasionally‌ no? Just me and my student loan paperwork? Oh, ok. Anyway, throw a matchbook in with that candle you’re gifting! Leave it as the tip for your server! We know they will be just as surprised as you once they read what businesses are selling nowadays. Yikes!

NEW Matchbooks in Counter-top Display: 64-pack of old school 20-strike matchbooks with funny fake company names. Made in the USA. Box size: 6.5" L x 6.5" W x 6" H. Sold as a set.

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16 new matchbooks!

MATCHBOOK SET B MAT-B

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New

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Free

counter-top display

impulse or compulsion?

Does it matter? As long as you’ve got a counter-top covered with little “must-haves,” you’ll be increasing your sales with every ring of the cash register. A great suggestion for any humor or candle lover!

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the original set!

MATCHBOOK SET a MAT-A

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wtf

Candles

Our 100% soy wax candles aren’t the most polite candles on the shelf, but as you know, they won’t stay on the shelf for long! Like it or leave it, profanity is frickin’ hot. So we’re introducing these precious and delicious-smelling pastel candles featuring your grandma’s favorite F word!

What the F? Candles : Soy wax candle. Burn time 40 hours.

Jar size: 2 3/4" diameter x 3 1/2" tall. Sold in 4-packs.

salty bitches SALTY DOG COCKTAIL (GRAPEFRUIT) FRAGRANCE WT6-C

New

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fuck this.

fuck that.

AMARETTO SOUR FRAGRANCE

SLOE GIN FIZZ FRAGRANCE

WT1-C

WT7-C

i fucking love you

what the actual fuck?

POMEGRANATE CHAMPAGNE FRAGRANCE

CUCUMBER ALOE DAIQUIRI FRAGRANCE

WT2-C

WT4-C

fuck yeah

oh my fuck

BLUEBERRY BOURBON FIZZ FRAGRANCE

VIRGIN BLUE RASPBERRY JELLO SHOT FRAGRANCE

WT5-C

WT3-C

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New

Who doesn’t love colored pencils?

Turn that gray world Technicolor with our new Shit Show Colored Pencil Set. Colored Pencils: 8 brightly colored pre-sharpened pencils packed into a sturdy slide-out box. Box size 7 5/8" H x 2 5/8" W x 1"D. Sold in 4-packs.

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SHIT SHOW PENCILS SHI-P

Pencils for GRAMMAR POLICE YOUR ANNOYING. Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you’re.

Welcome to the grammar club, smarty pants. But as a club member, you now have to quit whining about other people’s grammatical errors.

Trust me on this point, you’re still making some.

Pencils

GRA-P

Pencils for first world problems AWWWWW...

I hear you’re having a bad day. First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it’s 95 outside but you’re shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your gluten-free muffin was the BEST gluten-free muffin you’ve ever had until you realized they gave you the one with almonds.

And we both know you said NO NUTS. FIR-P

Some say that the pencil was inspired by the humble writing twigs used in ancient Mesopotamia, while some say the first pencils originated high in the mountains of the Himalayas; others still insist the pencil always existed, it simply needed to be discovered.

Here at Whiskey River Soap, we don’t really concern ourselves with all that history mumbojumbo, we’re too busy thinking up comedic quips for our made in USA pencil sets.

Pencil Sets: 8-pack of standard No. 2 pencils made in the USA. Box size: 7 1/2" L x 2 1/2" H x 3/8" D. Sold in 4-packs.

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Pencils for the passive aggressive I’M FINE. I mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I’m fine. I’ll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don’t mind at all. If that’s what you need to prove that I’m fine, I’ll do it. Heck, I might even make it a book, find a publisher and go on E llen to promote the release, proving how fine I am. I mean i f that’s what you need. I ’ll do it.

PAS-P

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Pencils for teachers

Pencils for the middle child

Pencils for truth

IT’S A SNOW DAY SOMEWHERE....

But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it’s not that you don’t love teaching.

It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?

WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? The only thing worse than being unnoticed is being unnoticed when your hair is neon purple and you dress like you’re from the Matrix.

Um, hello? Being the first child ain’t all that. The only people who think so are: #1. My older sibling and #2. My dumb parents. And I haven’t even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Oy.

I’M A FAKE VEGAN. Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if people just told the truth every once in a while? I mean, nobody wants to hear that Susan thinks your baby is weird looking, but does she have to go on and on about how ADORABLE he is, only to snicker with the entire Human Resources department behind your back? Susan, Susan, Susan. Just wait til you have a baby.

TEA-P

MID-P

TRU-P

Pencils for the office

Pencils for writer's block

Pencils for zero fucks

Pencils for introverts

OH COOL. It’s Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays?

Nothing. In fifteen minutes, I’ll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hour-long meeting about e mployee morale followed by a

“surprise” birthday cake and card everyone half-heartedly signs while doing a slow eyeroll. Which is the same eyeroll I’ll be making when I read it, ’cuz it’s my birthday and even that won’t fix a Monday.

TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK? So the wordsmith’s well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer’s Block pencils. If these pencils don’t help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a fedora, by the way.

Cool vampires wear fedoras now. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it.

Or in your book. Either way, you’re gonna need these pencils ASAP. Even crap won’t write itself.

NO FUCKS. We hear you. You’re so over it you can’t even. This newlyconcocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered!

Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn’t give a F. We know.

Fresh out.

PEOPLE SUCK. That’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations. Like happy hour. Your niece’s school play. Office parties.

Your wedding.

OFF-P

WRI-P

ZER-P

INT-P

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Pencils for procrastinators TWO WEEKS. Go ahead, ask me anything.

Invariably, the answer will be “two weeks.” Wondering when I’ll get my grades up? Two weeks. Get my grades up and start working out? Two weeks.

Get my grades up, start working out, call my dad, visit my Nana in Florida, get married, buy a house, file for divorce, start my own business and run for office?

Two weeks, pal. Two. Weeks.

PRO-P

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Pencils for Boomers vs.

Millennials PASS THE POPCORN. With the two largest generations in history at each other’s virtual throats on social media, this is the most epic battle since white or wheat. Who’s more entitled?

Who’s more maligned? And does it even matter? HEY. Of course it does. Ask any one of them. But really. Pass the popcorn. This is some serious entertainment.

BOO-P

Pencils for Nurses

Pencils for okay moms

MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER? You must be completely delusional if you think I’m a waiter, pal. In fact, I could argue that your very existence is at the mercy of my skilled, capable hands right now. So too bad if you don’t like the green Jello. Shut your trap and maybe I’ll come back to check on you. Key word: maybe.

CONGRATULATIONS. You're the world's okayest mom! Please don’t take offense! Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quick-draw first aid kits. Okay moms are where it’s at. Okay moms are where you want to live: sippy cup wine, the fivesecond rule, and naps that overlap into second naps.

NUR-P

OKA-P

Pencils for Cat People

Pencils for Dog People

HERE, KITTY KITTY...

I have a surprise for youuuu…

Darn it, where are you?

Remember that time you told me you wished you could be a little policeman? I’m sure you said that. And I’ve got JUST the costume for that! Come on, kitty, kitty.

My Instagram followers are waiting.

IT WAS THE DOG, I SWEAR! Look, I don’t know if you know this about my dog, but he’s verrry gassy. So if you get a whiff of anything remotely off, it was the dog, ok? He’s also responsible for the missing cheesecake in the fridge. I don’t know how he does it! The scoundrel.

CAT-P

DOG-P

Pencils for gravestone ideas I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK. Absolute genius last words to carve onto your gravestone.

Why bother with father, mother, son, daughter?

Beloved pet, bah! Boooring.

Really, the only proper way to go out is to get the very last word. That, or leave them wondering for all eternity.

Who dis?

GRV-P

Pencils for little white lies OMG, CROSSFIT? YES. I looooove working out. If I could, I would do it 24/7.

It’s just that I have all these obligations and such since I took that sabbatical from work. Oh, yeah, technically they called it “fired” but I was going to take a creative break anyway. And I LOVE my free time! I mean, I don’t really have any, of course, and that’s why I’m not hitting the gym at the moment....

LIT-P

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New

Liquid Hand Soap Each 8-ounce amber glass bottle is filled with all natural and organic liquid castile soap and scented with essential oils that we hope will encourage better hygiene in bathrooms everywhere. Well, one can dream.

Variety Liquid Soap: Bottle size 6.25" H x 2.25" W. 13 different 8-ounce styles sold in 4-packs. Filled with organic, all-natural castile soap. Scented with essential oils. Sold in 4-packs.

pine & lime SNAKE OIL SNA-L

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New tangerine lime

rosemary & mint

BETTER PERSONALITY

DIRTY FINGERS

BET-L

DIR-L

lemon basil

peppermint & cedarwood

PRETEND TO BE HAPPY

VIRUS WHO?

HAP-L

WHO-L

New

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spearmint

peppermint

DOG SALIVA

WHATEVER

PRETENTIOUS

DOG-L

WHA-L

PRE-L

lime

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tea tree

peppermint

grapefruit

USELESS MEETINGS

HAIRBALL

DRAMATIC

USE-L

HAI-L

DRA-L

orange

FAKE NEWS FAK-L

lemon

SILENTLY JUDGING SIL-L

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Pocket Journals

TOP SELLERS

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TEA-J

CAT-J

DOG-J

PRO-J

GRA-J

NUR-J

perfect size for collecting grievances. free display when filled!

Each pack comes with three different journals banded together.

Journals are pocket-sized with rounded corners, blank pages and sturdy, colorful covers. So get your writin’ pencil ready.

You’ve got some plagiarizing to do.

Pocket Journals: 3 different 4" x 5.5" journals banded together. Sold in 4-packs. Free display with Journal Pre-Pack (JP1).

OKA-J

WRI-J

ZER-J

MID-J

GOA-J

INT-J

WIN-J

DRA-J

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Bath Bombs Does life lack that certain effervescence it one possessed? Has the utter flatness of 21st century existence carved a yawning chasm in your soul?

Good news! Now you can fill that empty space with a hilarious bath bomb—well, at least until the fizzing stops.

DETAILS?

Bath Bombs: Handmade bath bombs shrinkwrapped and packaged in Kraft brown boxes.

Ingredients on page 97. Sold in 4-packs.

WHAT KIDS

BIRTHDAY BLUES

WINE STRAIGHT FROM THE BOTTLE FRAGRANCE

SAD BIRTHDAY CAKE FRAGRANCE

back:

D Forces someone else to watch the children D Pairs well with headphones

back:

D I never get carded anyway D And I'm STILL 21. Pinky swear.

D Will you stop counting already?

D As long as nobody ends up in the hospital again WHA-B

BIR-B

NAMASTE

DAY DRINKING

OM FRAGRANCE (EUCALYPTUS)

TUB SANGRIA FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

D Gratitude for yoga pants

D Pairs well with daytime TV

D Downward dog anyplace, anytime, anywhere

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D Helps pass the time

D Breathe

D Seamless segue into nighttime drinking

NAM-B

DAY-B

dog people

DOG-B

cat people

GRASSY DOG PARK FRAGRANCE

WARM MILK FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

D Smell like fresh grass

D Your delicious scent will make kitty love you

D Your dog will love it

D Kidding

D And then pee on you

D Cats hate everyone

zero fucks CREAMSICLE FRAGRANCE back:

D Tired

CAT-B

it's only frickin' tuesday GUM-SMACKING CO-WORKER FRAGRANCE back:

D Of

D Wake me up on Thursday

D It

D I’m already four coffees in D Yawn.

ZER-B

FRI-B

teachers

middle child

POISONED APPLE FRAGRANCE

PURPLE HAZE FRAGRANCE (GRAPE)

back:

back:

D Idk, CAN you go to the bathroom?

D Don't you dare say "Wikipedia"

D Magnifies misery D Your sister's wedding was beautiful

D I just realized I don't even like children

D Who are you again?

TEA-B

MID-B

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Phobia Candles

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chadophobia

duckophobia

fakeophobia

SMIRNOFF ICE FRAGRANCE

RUBBER DUCKY BUBBLE BATH FRAGRANCE

VODKA DIET SODA FRAGRANCE

CHA-V

DUC-V

FAK-V

friendophobia

recapophobia

shopophobia

NEGLECTED CACTUS FRAGRANCE

WATERMELON SHOTS FRAGRANCE

MARASCHINO CHERRIES & Q-TIPS FRAGRANCE

FRI-V

REC-V

SHO-V

Ugh, life is like, SO hard. Luckily for you, we’ve created this new set of soy votives to burn away all those pesky first world phobias!

First World Phobia Candles: Hand-poured soy votives. Burn time 20 hours. Box size: 2 7/8" H x 3"" W x 3" D. Sold in 4-packs.

moistophobia MOIST MANGOES FRAGRANCE MOI-V

adultophobia

buzzophobia

guacophobia

APPLE JACKS FRAGRANCE

PEACH MARGARITA FRAGRANCE

FRESH GUACAMOLE FRAGRANCE

ADU-V

BUZ-V

GUA-V

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Party emotionally needy COCKTAIL NAPKINS These cocktail napkins have issues. (Just like you and all your friends.) So stop taking them for granted and give them the attention they both crave and deserve.

7 NAPKIN STYLES PER PACK (3 OF EACH)

Napkins: 21-pack of 3-ply 5" x 5" bi-fold cocktail napkins made with recycled material.

Made in the USA. Box size: 5 1/8" L x 5 1/8" H x 1" D. Sold in 4-packs.

NAP-E

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extremely fickle PAPER STRAWs I’m not saying I’m fickle, but I’m not saying I’m not, either. I like to have it both ways.

That’s why these paper straws are so perfect for the fickle at heart. Am I taken or single? Depends on what and how many I’m sipping through this straw. And don’t forget paper straws are all the rage these days!

STR-E

Paper Straws Set: 20-pack of paper straws. Box size: 2 1/2" L x 7" H x 1/2" D. Sold in 4-packs.

extremely fickle COASTERS Well, I was chill until somebody broke out the PLASTIC straws. Flip my coaster over because now I’m totally triggered.

Coaster Set: 4-pack 4" round cork coasters (1/4-inch thickness) printed on both sides. Box size: 4 1/8" L x 4 1/8" H x 1 1/4" D. Sold in 2-packs.

COA-E

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Astrology We would like to think the Zodiac is our BFF. No, not the Zodiac Killer, you silly Scorpio! We’re talking about the star’s alignment here, baby. Lucky for you, we’ve got an entire assortment of products that go together—and there’s something for literally everyone. Bar soap, liquid hand soap, candles, pencil sets, notebooks… oh my! Please do NOT forget about your fav Taurus’ birthday again. We both know they’ll never let it go.

AST Liquid Soap: All-natural and organic castile liquid hand soap scented with organic essential oils. Bottle size 6.25" H x 2.25" W. 12 different 8-ounce styles sold in 4-packs.

AST Soap: Each 3 1/2" x 2 3/4" soap has a custom color-scheme and fragrance that matches the corresponding Astrology Candle. Shrinkwrapped with a clear label. Sold in 4-packs.

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AST Pencils: 8 custom pencils made specifically for each sign.

Each set features a "selfie pencil" with backwards writing to fulfill all your selfie needs… we see you, Leo. Box size: 8 ¼” tall x 3 3/8” wide x ½” thick.

Sold in 4-packs.

AST Journals: Each spiral-bound journal features a cover in a color specific to its astrological sign, and matches the stickers on the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Pencil Sets. Size: 7" tall x 5 1/4" width x 1/2" thick; 100 lined pages. Sold in 4-packs.

AST Candles: Our 100% soy wax candles. Each lid has a brightlycolored sticker that matches our Astrology Journals, Soaps, and Pencil Sets. Burn time: 40 hours. Jar size: 2 3/4" D x 3 1/2" H. Sold in 4-packs.

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ASTROLOGY LIQUID HAND SOAP

CINNAMON

PATCHOULI

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

D ECEMBER 22 - J ANUA RY 19

J AN UA RY 2 0 - F E B RUA RY 18

F E B RUA RY 19 - M A RC H 20

CAP-L

AQU-L

PIS-L

GRAPEFRUIT

48 48

SPEARMINT

ROSEMARY

TANGERINE

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

MA RCH 21 - APR IL 19

A P R IL 2 0 - M AY 2 0

M AY 21 - J U NE 2 0

ARI-L

TAU-L

GEM-L

virgos have it all figured out.

wintergreen

lemonade

CAncer

leo

virgo

JUNE 21 - JU LY 22

J U LY 2 3 - A U G U S T 2 3

A U G U S T 2 3 - S E P T E M BER 22

CAR-L

LEO-L

VIR-L

basil

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lime

eucalyptus

fennel

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

S EPTEMBER 23 - OCT OB E R 22

O C T O B E R 2 3 - N O V E M B E R 21

N O V E M B E R 2 2 - DE C E M BER 21

LIB-L

SCO-L

SAG-L

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ASTROLOGY SOAP

Capricorn

Pisces

BERGAMOT BOSS

PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA

DRIFTWOOD DREAMER

Smells like the boss of everyone

Smells like a real do-gooder

Smells like some serious delusions

CAP-S

AQU-S

PIS-S

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME

CHAMPAGNE CHIC

WHIMSICAL WATERMELON

Smells like you only ride shotgun

Smells like a gold-plated sundae

Smells like a split personality

ARI-S

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Aquarius

TAU-S

GEM-S

an aries never comes in second. ever.

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

MOODY MOJITOS

VANILLA VANITY

OVERTHINKING ORANGES

Smells like buried emotions

Smells like it’s all about you

Smells like making a list to make a list

CAR-S

LEO-S

VIR-S

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT

VINDICTIVE VIOLETS

WANDERING WHITE TEA

Smells like a peacekeeper

Smells like a supervillain

Smells like a disappearing act

LIB-S

SCO-S

SAG-S

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ASTROLOGY CANDLES

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Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

BERGAMOT BOSS FRAGRANCE

PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA FRAGRANCE

DRIFTWOOD DREAMER FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Bossy AF

D Woke AF

D Head in the clouds

D Full-on workaholic

D New-agey

D Impressionable

D Fluent in sarcasm

D Social butterfly

D Consummate napper

“Capricorns are the most intelligent sign.”

“Aquarians have the most friends.”

“Pisceans are the unicorns of the zodiac.”

– a Capricorn

– an Aquarius

– a Pisces

CAP-C

AQU-C

PIS-C

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME FRAGRANCE

CHAMPAGNE CHIC FRAGRANCE

WHIMSICAL WATERMELON FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Good at behaving badly

D Excels at “me time”

D Epicurean

D Frequent ER patient

D Personal space invader

D Fickle flirt

D Born winner

D Absolute ruler

D Devious mind

“An Aries never comes in second. Ever.”

“Taureans are the classiest of all the signs.”

“Geminis have the best sense of humor.”

– an Aries

– a Taurus

– a Gemini

ARI-C

TAU-C

GEM-C

everyone wants to be a scorpio.

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

MOODY MOJITOS FRAGRANCE

VANILLA VANITY FRAGRANCE

OVERTHINKING ORANGES FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Professional introvert

D Always right

D Trivia champ

D Secretly clingy

D Charming AF

D Spreadsheet master

D Grudge collector

D Easily flattered

D Impromptu party planner

“Cancers are the most creative sign.”

“Leos are the best looking sign.”

“Virgos have it all figured out.”

– a Cancer

– a Leo

– a Virgo

CAR-C

LEO-C

VIR-C

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT FRAGRANCE

VINDICTIVE VIOLETS FRAGRANCE

WANDERING WHITE TEA FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D People pleaser

D Basic sadist

D Class clown

D Passive-aggressive

D Devours the weak

D Commitment-challenged

D Late fee collector

D Power glare champ

D Escape artist

“Libras make the best friends with benefits.”

“Everyone wants to be a Scorpio.”

“Sagittarians have the nicest bodies.”

– a Libra

– a Scorpio

– a Sagittarius

LIB-C

SCO-C

SAG-C

53

ASTROLOGY PENCILS capricorn

aquarius

D E C E M B E R 22-J AN UA RY 19

J A NUA RY 20 - F EBRUARY 18

EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A CLOUD

UP FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING

MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY

SPIRITUAL GANGSTA

EVERY DAY I’M HUSTLIN’

POTENTIAL LIFE COACH

BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART

AQUARIANS ARE SECRETLY SMARTER

BOSSY AF

54

YOU HAD ME AT REVOLUTION

BECAUSE I READ THE MANUAL

BFF COLLECTOR

MY PAY STUBS ARE LIT

ENIGMATIC BUT ALSO DRUNK

Selfie Pencil (Backwards):

Selfie Pencil (Backwards):

CONTROL FREEEEEAK

WOKE AF

Back:

Back:

You are in avid pursuit of wealth and power, but are more grounded than a world traveler on a no-fly list. People like you because you’re filthy rich. A nd even though your source of income might be considered “iffy”, there’s nothing sexier than a bit of danger and a wad of cash.

You have a deep understanding of human nature and would excel at writing straight-to-DVD chick flicks. Your desire to save the whole planet keeps you mindful of doing real work for the people.

That said, you’re mostly valued for your non-stop partying and unstoppable quest to obtain the latest everything.

CAP-P

AQU-P

pisces

aries

FE B RUARY 19 - M A RC H 2 0

M A RC H 21 - APRIL 19

TIME FOR MY SECOND NAP

I COULD’VE EASILY GONE PRO

STRAY ANIMAL COLLECTOR

FIGHT ME

WILDLY UNDERAPPRECIATED

I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I’M DOING

DRINKS LIKE A FISH

FOR MY NEXT TRICK...

AMAZEBALLS IDEAS PENCIL

NEAR PERFECTION

MY ALONE TIME IS FOR YOUR SAFETY

UNFINISHED PROJECTS PENCIL

WILL ACCEPT FLATTERY

WROTE THE 1ST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB

Selfie Pencil (Backwards):

Selfie Pencil (Backwards):

TOTAL DREAMER

100%

Back:

Back:

You have a large capacity for helping those in distress. You are sympathetic to the world’s unfortunate, including every stray animal and helpless soul you meet.

People like you because of your unbridled optimism. Might want to keep that in check, though.

Collecting parking tickets shouldn’t fondly be referred to as a “hobby.”

You are a natural competitor with very little patience for whiners.

You’re a doer, not a dreamer and are not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments. People like you because you look hot in shorts.

This is the year to take your shower singing act on the road.

PIS-P

ARI-P

libras make the best friends. taurus

GEMINI

APR I L 20 - M AY 2 0

M AY 21 - JU NE 20

INFLEXIBLE BECAUSE I’M RIGHT

VODKA IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

WHO WERE YOU JUST TEXTING?

I MADE MEMES BEFORE IT WAS COOL

I NEED MORE MIDDLE FINGERS I HEARD THERE WOULD BE CAKE JUST CALL ME DICTATOR FOR SHORT TREAT YO’SELF IS ON MY FAMILY CREST CHAMPAGNE GOES WITH EVERYTHING Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CLASSY AF Back: You are extremely reliable and protective of loved ones. Both loyal and committed, you have a stick-to-it-ive-ness that others admire and you ensure there’s never a single drop left in the bottle of Dom Perignon. People like you because you appreciate the finer things in life and can party hard without a single hair out of place.

TAU-P

I DON’T WANT TO GOSSIP, BUT...

WAIT TIL YOU MEET MY OTHER PERSONALITY I DON’T CARE WHAT I SAID 10 MINS AGO GEMINIS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES I’M NOT SUPERFICIAL, JUST REALLY INTO LOOKS Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WORLD CLASS FLIRT Back: You are a natural flirt and tend to seek out mentors in the form of wise-ish (and sexy) bartenders. In terms of introvert and extrovert, you tend to swing both ways, depending on the day… or cocktail. And even though you’ve been called “out there” on more than one occasion, people like you because you’re t he good kind of crazy.

GEM-P

cancer

leo

JUN E 21 - JULY 2 2

J U LY 2 3 - AU G U S T 22

CANCERS HAVE ALL THE FEELS

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!

PROFESSIONAL INTROVERT

BUT LET’S GET BACK TO ME

I’M FINE!

DID SOMEONE SAY JELLO SHOTS?

NO OFFENSE, I JUST DON’T LIKE PEOPLE

LEOS HAVE THE MOST STALKERS

I’M STABBING YOU IN MY MIND

EVEN YOUR MOM LOVES ME

BECAUSE I ONLY NEED ONE FRIEND

SPOON-FEED ME COMPLIMENTS

I’M JUST GONNA STAY HOME TONIGHT Selfie Pencil (Backwards): GHOSTING MASTER Back: You’re no stranger to thumbsucking, but you’re not a total pushover, either. It’s just that you have all those FEELINGS and it sometimes makes you need hugs more than most. People like you as much for your creativity as they do for your desire to day drink under an afghan and watch Snapped marathons with your bestie.

CAR-P

MY AURA SHOOTS RAINBOWS & GLITTER Selfie Pencil (Backwards): HELLO GORGEOUS Back: You are extremely charismatic and irresistible to most everyone you meet. You are generally the only person in the room who counts—and you know it. It’s not your fault you were born for such greatness. People like you almost as much as you like you.

LEO-P

55

ASTROLOGY PENCILS virgo

libra

AUGUS T 23 - SE PTE M B E R 2 2

S E P T E M B E R 23 - O CT O BER 22

I COUGHED NOW I’M DEAD

THANKS FOR NOTHING

LIST-MAKING PENCIL

I’M SORRY I SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME

LET ME OVERTHINK THAT THAT TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ME I EXCEL IN RANDOM WORST-CASE SCENARIOS SCHEDULING AN IMPROMPTU PARTY! VIRGOS FOLD TOWELS PERFECTLY Selfie Pencil (Backwards): NOBODY’S PERFECT (EXCEPT VIRGOS)

IT’S NO PROBLEM!!!!

EASILY DISTRACTED...

WHY CAN’T WE ALL GET ALONG? PRETTY PETTY, BUT STILL PRETTY Selfie Pencil (Backwards): ADORABLE AF

Back:

Back:

You are cautious and careful when sober, and tend to only let loose during pre-planned events. You have a firm grasp on the number of drinks both you and anyone else has ever had, and prefer to be in charge of the designated driver list. People like you because you look like a sexy professor and always have all the answers.

You’re a lover of art and all things beautiful and intellectual. That’s why you always date hotties with graduate degrees. Not one to enjoy alone time, you are at your best when in a solid relationship, or at least a decent one-night stand.

People like you because you tend to agree with everything.

VIR-P

LIB-P

scorpio

sagittarius

OC T OB E R 23 - N OVE M B E R 21

N O V E M B E R 22 - DECEM BER 21

CHECKMATE.

I EXIST, THEREFORE TACOS

WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?

VOTED MOST LIKELY TO LIVE IN A TENT

REVENGE IS BEST SERVED CONSTANTLY TWIRLING MY INVISIBLE MOUSTACHE EVIL MASTERMIND BEST FRENEMIES FOREVER PROFESSIONAL STALKER Selfie Pencil (Backwards): FIERCE AF Back: You are passionate and fierce and do not suffer fools gladly.

You have the ambiance and appeal of a leather-clad supervillain and tend to keep your own entourage in tow. People like you because you always have the best ideas for revenge.

SCO-P

56

I’M DATING SOMEONE BUT WE CAN TEXT

LOL WHY R U SO SERIOUS? I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE I DON’T DO FAKE RANDOM THOUGHTS SQUAD Selfie Pencil (Backwards): MENTALLY SINGLE Back: You are wild and free and enjoy traveling to the far ends of the earth with your band of merry mischief- makers. Not one for long-term goals or commitments, you tend to disappear in the middle of the night for spur-of-themoment road trips. People like you because you always have the good party favors.

SAG-P

Light my candle

with whiskey river soap matchbooks 57

ASTROLOGY JOURNALS

The inside cover of each Astrology Journals cover has even more info including traits, description, colors, numbers, love matches, famous birthdays, and quotes.

capricorn

CAP-J

DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19

aries MARCH 21 - APRIL 19

58

aquarius

AQU-J

JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18

ARI-J

taurus APRIL 20 - MAY 20

pisces

PIS-J

FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20

TAU-J

gemini MAY 21 - JUNE 20

GEM-J

CANCER JUNE 21 - JULY 22 CAR-J

“I’m doing pretty good as far as geniuses go.”

—Kanye West, Gemini

leo

LEO-J

JULY 23 - AUGUST 22

virgo

VIR-J

AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22

sagittarius libra SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22

NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21 LIB-J

scorpio

SCO-J

SAG-J

OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21

59

Soap Original Soaps: Handmade vegan soaps designed by our in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match each concept. Shrink-wrapped with a kraft brown label. Soap size: 3 1/2" H x 2 3/4" W x 1" D. Sold in 4-packs.

60

& Candles Ahhh, the sweet smell of fresh soap and candles in the morning. Could there be anything better?

We certainly don’t think so—but don’t tell our other products, they’ll get jealous.

Original Candles: Always hand-poured and made with 100% soy wax and 0% bullshit. Fragrance blends match each concept and corresponding soap. 4" diameter x 2 1/2" H. Burn time: 60 hours. Sold in 3-packs.

61

New

calm the f down RAIN STICK (OCEAN) FRAGRANCE back:

D Live D Laugh D Haha, fuck that

CAL-S

CAL-C

62

military wives CHAOTIC KUMQUAT FRAGRANCE back:

D Anniversaries alone

WIV-S

WIV-C

D Canceled vacation plans D Extended deployment... again

vegans LAWN TRIMMING SALAD FRAGRANCE back:

D OMG, no CHEESE?

VEG-S

VEG-C

D Fake BACON? D Real booze, tho

63

New

64

baking wizards FRESH ARTISAN BREAD FRAGRANCE back:

D It's just science D Bake sale badass D Don't touch my starter!

BAK-S

BAK-C

thirsty thursday DIRTY MARTINI FRAGRANCE back:

D Gin, not vodka D Vodka, not gin D Eh, just make it double & dirty

THI-S

THI-C

65

New

We loved this soap design so much that we decided to make several versions!

Each 3- and 4-pack you order will include a variety of brightly-colored soaps and candles to represent that most mesmerizing of time-wasters: the ’70s lava lamps.

66

tomorrow, ok?

DISTRACTING LAVA LAMP (FRUITY) FRAGRANCE

TOM-S

back:

D It's fine

TOM-C

D I do this all the time D I'll get it done, soon-ish!

67

New real blondEs BARBIE PINK BUBBLEGUM FRAGRANCE back:

D Go ahead D Call me dumb again D I will eat you for lunch BLO-S

BLO-C

MYSTERY BRUNETTE CHAMBORD & 7UP FRAGRANCE back:

D Enhances sense of mystery D Encourages speculation D Your hair is full of secrets

68

MYS-S

MYS-C

parent teachers 2019 NOSTALGIA (SPRING GREEN) FRAGRANCE

PAR-S

back:

D The quadratic WHAT?

PAR-C

D Can't YouTube show you?

D Field trip!

KRN-S

KRN-C

karens SPIKY HAIR STYLING MOUSSE FRAGRANCE back:

D Stable genius D Blacklisted from Trader Joe's D Facebook fanatic

69

Day Drinking MOJITOS FRAGRANCE Back:

D Pairs well with daytime TV D Helps pass the time

top sellers

D Seamless segue into nighttime drinking

SOAP DAY-S

CANDLE DAY-C

Need we say more? Seriously, these soap and candle styles are sure to clean house and then burn it down. (In a good way of course.)

Social Anxiety VODKA VITAMIN WATER FRAGRANCE back:

D I have Ebola D My hamster ran away D I just found out I’m a hologram

CANDLE SOC-C

SOAP SOC-S

Dog People GRASSY DOG PARK FRAGRANCE back:

D Drawer of embarrassing costumes D Wet chew toys everywhere D Cat people are freaks

SOAP DOG-S

70

CANDLE DOG-C

Cat People WARM MILK FRAGRANCE back:

D My cat has an Instagram D Lint rollers in the car D Dog people suck

SOAP CAT-S

CANDLE CAT-C

Teachers POISONED APPLE FRAGRANCE back:

D IDK, CAN you go to the bathroom?

Fucking Meetings

D Don’t you dare say “Wikipedia”

BOURBON IN MY COFFEE FRAGRANCE

D I just realized I don’t even like kids

back:

D Per. D My. D Last email.

CANDLE TEA-C

SOAP TEA-S

Zero Carbs CUCUMBER WATER FRAGRANCE back:

D I. D Need.

D Bread.

SOAP FME-S

CANDLE FME-C

SOAP ZCA-S

CANDLE ZCA-C

71

Stoners CANNABIS FRAGRANCE back:

D Gateway soap D Antagonizes DEA D Approved for medicinal purposes

CANDLE STO-C

SOAP STO-S

Colorado is the standard.

UPC CODES FOR OTHER STATES ARE BELOW:

72

Alaska

California

wash D.C.

SOAP AKS-S

SOAP CST-S

SOAP DCS-S

CANDLE AKS-C

CANDLE CST-C

CANDLE DCS-C

Illinois

Maine

Massachusetts

SOAP ILL-S

SOAP MES-S

SOAP MAS-S

CANDLE ILL-C

CANDLE MES-C

CANDLE MAS-C

Michigan

Nevada

Oregon

SOAP MIS-S

SOAP NES-S

SOAP OST-S

CANDLE MIS-C

CANDLE NES-C

CANDLE OST-C

Vermont

Washington

SOAP VTS-S

SOAP WST-S

CANDLE VTS-C

CANDLE WST-C

top sellers

Birthday Blues

Zero Fucks

Grammar Police

SAD BIRTHDAY CAKE FRAGRANCE

ORANGE CREAMSICLE FRAGRANCE

JELLY DOUGHNUT FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D I never get carded anymore

D Tired

D Your/you’re

D And I’m STILL 21. Pinky swear.

D Of

D Their/there/they’re

D Will you stop counting already?

D It

D Things I’ve just learned since Facebook

SOAP BIR-S

SOAP ZER-S

SOAP GRA-S

CANDLE BIR-C

CANDLE ZER-C

CANDLE GRA-C

It’s Only Frickin’ Tuesday GUM SMACKING CO-WORKER (SPEARMINT) FRAGRANCE back:

D Wake me up on Thursday D I’m already four coffees in D Yawn.

SOAP FRI-S

CANDLE FRI-C

73

top sellers

Besties GRAPE HARD SELTZER FRAGRANCE Back:

D No one else gets us D Who cares D Support your local girl gang

SOAP BES-S

CANDLE BES-C

It’s Fine PLAIN TAP WATER FRAGRANCE back:

D Whatever D I’m not mad D It’s fine

The Trophy Husband TRICKED-OUT PORSCHE FRAGRANCE back:

D Looks good on your arm D Looks good in anything… or nothing D Jealous much?

CANDLE ITF-C

SOAP ITF-S

A New Home TRENDY TERRARIUM FRAGRANCE back:

D A fresh start!

SOAP TRO-S

D A clean slate!

D It’ll be a mess in no time

CANDLE TRO-C

SOAP ANE-S

74

CANDLE ANE-C

The Middle Child PURPLE HAZE (GRAPE) FRAGRANCE back:

D Magnifies misery D Your sister’s wedding was just beautiful D Who are you again?

TOP 10 CANDLES Fucking Meetings Zero Fucks day drinking Dog People

SOAP MID-S

CANDLE MID-C

Cat People It’s Only Frickin’ Tuesday The Middle Child

A Man’s Man

Okay Moms

BLIZZARD CAMPFIRE FRAGRANCE

besties

back:

D Good for bear wrasslin’

Stoners

D Doesn’t talk much either D Will drink you under the hand-hewn table

TOP 10 soaps CANDLE MAN-C

SOAP MAN-S

Dog People Cat People Stoners

Okay Moms SIPPY CUP WINE FRAGRANCE back:

D Pairs well with nap time D Is also tired of perfect moms D Your kids love you anyway

The Middle Child Okay Moms Zero Fucks It’s Only Frickin’ Tuesday besties The First Child the trophy husband

SOAP OKA-S

CANDLE OKA-C

75

76 76

Awkward Moments

original soap and candles

SKETCHY OINTMENT FRAGRANCE back:

D Fly unzipped D Unwanted eye contact D Wrong person

SOAP AWK-S

CANDLE AWK-C

The Basic PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE FRAGRANCE back:

D My hair straightener is bomb AF D I’m just wearing leggings D Chipotle is my liiiife

CANDLE BAS-C

SOAP BAS-S

Beer Whisperers OATMEAL STOUT FRAGRANCE back:

D The proof is in the beer belly D Some of us just want a buzz D Uh-oh: Craft weed is trending

SOAP BEE-S

CANDLE BEE-C

77

Being Awesome ONE SURFING LESSON (OCEAN SCENT) FRAGRANCE Back:

D Dude.

D Fist bump!

D Awesomesauce.

SOAP BEI-S

CANDLE BEI-C

Book Club WINE AND PAPERBACKS FRAGRANCE back:

D Pairs well with gossip D And wine D And more wine

CANDLE BOO-C

SOAP BOO-S

Bromance TESTOSTERONE LIGHT FRAGRANCE Back:

D Bro! D Broskiiii!

D Brah.

Emergency Ambiance Travel Tins page 6 78

SOAP BRO-S

CANDLE BRO-C

Classy AF

The Creative Type

Dad Bods

BLACK CURRANT FRAGRANCE

SMELLY MARKER FRAGRANCE

TOASTED MARSHMALLOW FRAGRANCE

Back:

Back:

D Champagne in a Solo cup

D Pairs well with a Sharpie

D Heels at the gym

D The one in your pocket

D Mani-pedi before sentencing

D That vandalizes bathroom stalls all by itself

SOAP CLA-S

CANDLE CLA-C

Back:

D Pairs well with couch time D Builds unwavering confidence D Bring me another beer

SOAP CRE-S

SOAP DAD-S

CANDLE CRE-C

CANDLE DAD-C

Dad Jokes CORNIEST CORN BREAD FRAGRANCE Back:

D Hey Dad, make me a sandwich D Poof! You’re a sandwich D #sloweyerolls

SOAP DAJ-S

CANDLE DAJ-C

Matchbooks page 20

79

Who let her in here?

what everyone is thinking.

Karens candle page 69

80

Delinquents

Drinking Buddies

Fake News

SPIKED GATORADE FRAGRANCE

MOJITOS FRAGRANCE

ORANGE KOOL-AID FRAGRANCE

Back:

back:

back:

D Talks back

D Fancy meeting you here

D You’re fake news

D Dislikes authority

D Just like yesterday

D No, you are

D Is the envy of everyone

D Barkeep!

D Takes one to know one, poser news

SOAP DEL-S

SOAP DRI-S

SOAP FAK-S

CANDLE DEL-C

CANDLE DRI-C

CANDLE FAK-C

The First Child BRAND-NEW EVERYTHING (WINTERGREEN) FRAGRANCE back:

D Reduces parental pressure D Keeps younger siblings out of your stuff D Is practically perfect, too

SOAP FIC-S

CANDLE FIC-C

81

82

First World Problems

Friday Feels

Gen X

I SAID NO ALMONDS (ALMOND SCENT) FRAGRANCE

LUNCHTIME COCKTAILS FRAGRANCE

FRESHLY LAUNDERED FLANNEL FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Hot Pocket is still frozen

D Enhances good vibes

D Promotes slacking

D My AC is FREEZING

D Staves off Mondays

D Looks good in a flannel

D Ripped jeans now too ripped

D Is it 5 yet?

D Pairs well with Nirvana

SOAP FIR-S

SOAP FFE-S

SOAP GEX-S

CANDLE FIR-C

CANDLE FFE-C

CANDLE GEX-C

Gen Z

Gettin’ Lit

#Goals

NEVERENDING SLUSHIE (BLUE RASPBERRY) FRAGRANCE

UMBRELLA DRINKS (TROPICAL SCENT) FRAGRANCE

UNICORN FARTS (RAINBOW SHERBET) FRAGRANCE

Back:

back:

back:

D Wrinkle-free everything

D Gaming is life

D Who cares if it’s only Tuesday

D This soap is so cringe

D It’ll break up the week

D Calorie-free pizza

D JK, I low-key love soap

D Let’s do this

D Ex in a man romper

SOAP GEZ-S

SOAP GET-S

SOAP GOA-S

CANDLE GEZ-C

CANDLE GET-C

CANDLE GOA-C

I'll never get my burrito First World Problem pencils page 29

83

84

Hangovers

Happy Campers

Hipsters

BLOODY MARY FRAGRANCE

NUKED S’MORES FRAGRANCE

COFFEE, BACON & CRAFT BEER FRAGRANCE

Back:

back:

back:

D Why do I do this to myself?

D Increases instances of squatting in the woods

D Encourages pretension

D Last night was fun, lol

D Who needs plumbing?

D Sustains elitism

D What's on tap for tonight?

D Bugs are people, too

D Disintegrates into normcore when wet

SOAP HAN-S

SOAP HAP-S

SOAP HIP-S

CANDLE HAN-C

CANDLE HAP-C

CANDLE HIP-C

I'll be in my room

Hot Messes

Introverts

Karma

CHEAP LIP GLOSS FRAGRANCE

UNSCENTED

LAUGHING BUDDHA (SANDALWOOD) FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Encourages late nights

D Great solo activity

D Ha.

D Enhances walks of shame

D Respects your space

D Ha.

D Knows the best happy hours

D Won’t ask you to an event

D Ha.

SOAP HOT-S

SOAP INT-S

SOAP KAR-S

CANDLE HOT-C

CANDLE INT-C

CANDLE KAR-C

85

Last Night TOO MUCH CHAMPAGNE FRAGRANCE back:

D Eliminates morning sun D Washes away drunk texts D Increases invisibility

SOAP LAS-S

CANDLE LAS-C

Lefties PRESCHOOL PASTE JAR (MINT) FRAGRANCE back:

D The old gross baseball glove D Backwards coffee mugs D Dinnertime elbow wars

CANDLE LEF-C

SOAP LEF-S

Mansplaining THIS IS HOW COFFEE SMELLS FRAGRANCE back:

D So THAT’S how you spell my name D And spell my hometown D And dress like a real woman

For Fuck's Sake candle page 13

86

SOAP MNG-S

CANDLE MNG-C

Messy People UNOPENED MR. CLEAN FRAGRANCE back:

D Adds to clutter!

D Looks good on a messy desk D Fun find 2 years later!

SOAP MEP-S

CANDLE MES-C

Midlife Crisis KUMQUAT TREE FRAGRANCE back:

D Won’t fade new tattoos D Mild on recent piercings D Likes 22-year-olds, too

CANDLE MIC-C

SOAP MIC-S

Millennials GREEN NEW DEAL SCENT FRAGRANCE back:

D Pairs well with avocado toast D And student loans D OK boomer.

SOAP MIL-S

CANDLE MIL-C

Pretend to Be Happy liquid hand soap page 35

87 87

Morning People SUGAR CEREAL COMA FRAGRANCE back:

D What alarm?

D Stop talking so loud D I can cut you

SOAP MOR-S

CANDLE MOR-C

Namaste OM SCENT (LAVENDER & EUCALYPTUS) FRAGRANCE back:

D Gratitude for yoga pants D Downward dog anyplace, anywhere, anytime D Breathe.

SOAP NAM-S

SOAP NAM-S

Napping MTN. DEW SUGAR CRASH FRAGRANCE back:

D Midmorning nap D After-lunch nap D After-nap nap

SOAP NAP-S

88

CANDLE NAP-C

Fuck This and Fuck That candles page 26

The Only Child CANDY APPLE OF MY EYE FRAGRANCE back:

D Sharing? Never heard of it D What are “other people”?

D My parents are my besties

SOAP ONC-S

&

CANDLE ONC-C

Overthinkers HEAD SHOP FRAGRANCE back:

D Could a unicorn exist?

D Are 12 toes a thing?

D How much water can I drink before exploding?

CANDLE OVE-C

SOAP OVE-S

Queens JUST BITE ME (CHERRY CANDY) FRAGRANCE back:

D Talk to the hand.

D I’m. Going. Out. And don’t even think of following me.

D (Text me later, boo)

SOAP QUE-S

CANDLE QUE-C

89

Redheads

Salty Servers

Shit Shows

SPICY CIDER FRAGRANCE

STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE FRAGRANCE

FIREBALL SHOTS FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Yes, it’s real

D Washes away bad tippers

D I did what?

D I’m wearing red anyway

D Rinses off dietary restrictions

D So THAT’S how I got that bruise

D Can we NOT talk about my hair?

D Separates the check for you

D It was fun, though, right?

SOAP RED-S

SOAP SAL-S

SOAP SHI-S

CANDLE RED-C

CANDLE SAL-C

CANDLE SHI-C

Matchbooks page 20

Single Ladies LEMONADE FRAGRANCE back:

D Do whatever the F you want D No in-laws D Should’ve put a ring on it…

CANDLE SIN-C

90

SOAP SIN-S

Slightly Unhinged JELLO SHOTS FRAGRANCE back:

D 20% scary D Always exciting D 35% scarier after cocktails

SOAP SLI-S

CANDLE SLI-C

Small Towns ROOT BEER FLOAT FRAGRANCE back:

D OMG, high school sports!

D We’re getting a Chipotle???

D Complain all you want, but you’ll miss it when you leave

CANDLE SMA-C

SOAP SMA-S

Sunday Funday MIMOSAS FRAGRANCE back:

D Booze-soaked appetizers D Booze-soaked future plans D Booze-soaked Uber ride home

SOAP SUN-S

CANDLE SUN-C

91 91

Try vodka.

The Walking Dead JELLO ON MY SCRUBS FRAGRANCE back:

D Repels know-it-alls D Enhances card game skills D Smiles sarcastically for you

SOAP WDE-S

CANDLE WDE-C

Matchbooks page 20 92

Writer’s Block

The Youngest

You’re the Worst

CHEAP WHISKEY FRAGRANCE

BABY LOTION FRAGRANCE

SNARKY CANDY HEARTS FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Zaps implausible plots

D You’ll get your turn

D You’re lucky I’m so desperate

D Eliminates derivative work

D You’re lucky to have all these hand-me-downs

D (Lol)

D Better for your liver

D You’ll always be the baby

D You’ll do

SOAP WRI-S

SOAP YNG-S

SOAP YOU-S

CANDLE WRI-C

CANDLE YNG-C

CANDLE YOU-C

Yuge Mistakes FAT CAT SCENT (CUBANS & COGNAC) FRAGRANCE Back:

D Makes washing great again D Only losers don’t use soap.

D Incredible formula made by the best most intelligent people

SOAP YUG-S

CANDLE YUG-C

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PANDEMIC SOAP CONTEST

Pandemic Contest Emily B.

Winners

Jessica H.

Ashley B.

Gigi G.

In the Spring of 2020 (about four millennia ago), we asked our Instagram followers to participate in a Design Your Own Soap Contest and share the kind of soaps and candles they were really craving under lockdown.

We picked our four favorites to create a limited time Pandemic Series.

A portion of the proceeds from these soap and candle styles will be donated to Feeding America.

The original entries 94

OR 2021 CHOOSE BELOW

ESSENTIAL WORKERS

CLASS OF 2020 / 2021

WORKING FROM HOME

BLACK MARKET HAND SANITIZER (LEMON CLEAN SCENT)

ZOOM CHAMPAGNE TOASTS

WHISKEY WITH A SPLASH OF COFFEE

Back:

Back:

D Permanent mask lines

Back:

D Virtual prom

D Pants-free devices

D Insensitive customers

D Online college

D Panic-based overcompensation

D Hey, man, back the F off

D Thanks for nothing

D Usually buzzed

SOAP ESS-S

2020 SOAP C20-S

2021 SOAP C21-S

SOAP WOR-S

CANDLE ESS-C

2020 CANDLE C20-C

2021 CANDLE C21-C

CANDLE WOR-C

TIGER KING SARDINE OIL ON YOUR BOOT (TEAKWOOD AND CARDAMOM) Back:

D Enhances your mullet D Looks good on a throne D Teeth optional

CANDLE TIG-C

SOAP TIG-S

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Notes

Good Shit candle page 13

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ORDER MINIMUMS: First order: $150.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River products.

Re-orders: $100.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River products.

TERMS: New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash or credit card. Please attach a credit sheet for future terms Net 30.

Established accounts: Net 30.

Terms and Conditions of Credit • All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from the date shipped.

• A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, prepayment may be required.

• Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Co. all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law.

PAYMENT: Company check, money order, cash, credit card, PayPal, Apple Pay, or ACH bank transfers.

SHIPPING: Orders shipped via UPS within the continental USA or via Priority Mail elsewhere, unless otherwise specified. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total. All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s). Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of the Whiskey River Soap Co.

CLAIMS: Any claims for damaged or mis-shipped items must be made within 7 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep. Claims must be supported with pictures of product, tracking number, and outer carton.

RETURNS: Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped. For damaged or mis-shipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received beyond the 30 day return window. Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer. Please call 740973-9817 for authorization and additional instructions.

PRICING: Prices are subject to change without notice.

This order form and pricing supersedes all others. 2020 prices are effective January 1, 2020.

NOTE ABOUT PERISHABLE PRODUCTS: Our products are perishable. Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life.

Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque.

FYI: Some of our candles have slightly revised copy on the labels because silly lines about “lathering up” don’t make a lick of sense on a candle and we adhere to a stringent 20% rule about making sense.

Bath Bombs contain sodium bicarbonate, citric acid (for fizzing), food-grade PEG, alcohol, coloring and fragrance. Some contain small amounts of glitter. Bath bombs for Dog People also contain activated charcoal for color.

’NOTHER FYI: All our soaps, candles and bath bombs are handmade, so no two look exactly alike.

Expect some deviation!

NOTE: Bath bombs are just for fun. Caution: For adult use only. Use only as directed. Excessive use or prolonged exposure may cause irritation to skin and urinary tract. Keep out of eyes and mouth.

Discontinue use if rash, redness, or itching occur.

Consult your physician if irritation persists. Keep out of the reach of children.

MORE FYI GARBAGE: INGREDIENTS: Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like glitter in Queens. The basic ingredients (which are all printed on the labels) are: Coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, fragrance.

Our candles are 100% soy wax with added color & fragrance. The end.

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Pre-Packs astrology pencil pack

astrology soap pack

All 12 Astrology Pencil Packs (4 packs each sign) with FREE DISPLAY

All 12 Astrology Soap Packs (4 packs each sign) with FREE DISPLAY

AP1

AS1

astrology CANDLE PACK

astrology liquid soap pack

astrology journal-pack

All 12 Astrology Candle Sets (4 candles each sign)

Comes with all 12 Astrology Liquid Soap styles (4 bottles each), 48 total bottles of liquid soap.

All 12 Astrology Journal Sets (4 journals each sign)

AC1

AL1

soap-pack Comes with 14 best sellers (4 soaps each) for a total of 56 soaps, plus a free display on your first order!

SP1

soap display

journal display

FREE when you fill it with product!

FREE when filled with journals and with JP1 on initial journal orders.

Additional fee for extra displays

DB

JB

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AJ1

pencil-pack The top 12 pencil styles (4 styles each) for a total of 48 pencil packs.

PP1

includes: Teachers Grammar Police First World Problems Dog People The OfďŹ ce Cat People Passive Aggressive Procrastinators Nurses Okay Moms Introverts Boomers vs. Millennials

pencil display FREE when filled with pencils. Additional fee for extra displays.

PD

bomb-pack Comes with all 10 bath bomb styles (4 bombs each), 40 total bombs.

BP1

candle-pack

clean alternates

Comes with a 6 best sellers (3 candles each) for a total of 18 candles.

CP1

liquid soap pack

all-white candle option

Comes with all 13 Variety Liquid Soap styles (4 bottles each), 52 total bottles of liquid soap.

If you would prefer your candles to be WHITE for aesthetic reasons, we're down with that! No extra charge! Longer timeline may apply.

AWC

LP1

journal-pack Comes with a case pack of 10 best-selling journal sets & FREE display (40 journal sets).

JP1

includes: Teachers Nurses Grammar Police Cat People Dog People Procrastinators Zero fucks (ALT CLEAN #Goals) Okay Moms Drama Queens Winos

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w w w. w h i s k e y r i v e r s o a p . c o m • s a l e s @ w h i s k e y r i v e r s o a p . c o m

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