Whiskey River Soap Spring 2024 Supplement

59 2024 S PR I N G SU PPLE M E NT

ALL NEW

PRODUCTS

Hot Grandma Summer Soap Page 7

SINCE 2014 Whiskey River Soap Company was founded in 2014 to round out the niche market of clever gifts for the wickedly humorous.

Our small-batch classic soaps are personally designed and handmade by a team of in-house soap artists. Our candles are 100% soy wax and hand-poured in small batches by our team of in-house candlemakers.

Our new triple milled soaps are made exclusively for Whiskey River in Vermont (you know, that place with the rolling pastoral hills and hot grandmas eating pancakes).

Since its origin, every Whiskey River product has been an original.

We conceive and write everything ourselves. We fret over our words, colors, and design. We write and rewrite. We design and redesign. Our products represent our dedication to creativity and invention, and sharing our particular brand of humor with the world.

When you buy Whiskey River, you know you’re getting an original.

SHOP OUR FU LL LI N E

TR I PLE M I LLE D S OA P

4-7

W TF S OA P

8-11

W TF C A N D LE S

12-13

M ATC H B O O K S

14-15

C A N D LE A I R FR E S H E N E RS

16-17

G I F T TAG S TI C K E RS S OA P & C A N D LE S INFO

18 19-29 31

TRIPLE MILLED SOAP

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Our deluxe Triple Milled Soap is made in Vermont, just like the world’s best maple syrup. Yep, we said it—sorry New Hampshire.

And unlike syrup, our soap bars won’t stick to your hands. How’s that for an added bonus?

Triple Milled Soap: Made-in-USA soap bars in sturdy paperboard cartons. Carton size: 3 ¾″ L × 2 ½″ W × 1 ⅛″ D. Sold as pre-packs of 16 or available to order individually in packs of 4. Net weight: 3 ounces.

S H O P TH E CO LLE C TI O N

Legend has it, back in the 70s all the MILFs had a big bush… We can’t say for certain whether that’s the truth or a big sack of shit (pardon my French) but frankly, we don’t care what your pubes look like as long as you wash up with some Whiskey River before the booty call.

Soap Collection E: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars.

Ships in counter-top display box.

OLD HUNGARIAN GOULASH SCENT

S-BUSH

CREAMSICLE MILF-SHAKE SCENT

S-MILF

BIG BUSH, BIG BOOTY A-SOAP-E

FANCY HERBAL FRAGRANCE SCENT S-SACK

GARDEN FRESH SCENT

S-BOOTY

TRIPLE MILLED SOAP

5

FUCKED IN THE HEAD A-SOAP-F

When I was growing up, soap brands had boring boxes, with nary a curse word in sight.

Thank goodness the next generation can come of age bathing each morning with a nice bar of Cunt soap, or get their mouths washed out with Your Mom. Progress at last!

Soap Collection F: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars.

Ships in counter-top display box.

HIGH OCTANE SCENT

S-69

BUS STATION BATHROOM SCENT

S-SHITTY

6

TRIPLE MILLED SOAP

RESIN ’N’ ROSES SCENT

S-MOM

BOLD BOOTY SCENT

S-CUNT

We had to draw the line somewhere, folks. And if ANYONE so much as WHISPERS that these designs are anything but decidedly, yet subtly classy, well let’s just say they’re gonna need much more help than an Emotional Support soap. Got it?

Soap Collection G: 4 units of each soap; 16 total soap bars.

Ships in counter-top display box.

JUICY FRAGRANCE SCENT

LOW-KEY CLASSY A-SOAP-G

ORANGE DAIQUIRI SCENT

S-MOIST

S-GRANDMA

PLEASING SOAP SCENT

“SMELLS LIKE SOAP” SCENT

S-EMOTIONAL

S-NOPE

TRIPLE MILLED SOAP

7

WTF SOAP They’re the WTF Candles you’ve known and loved since 2019, now in soap form! Made by hand in our Ohio factory. How’s that for a fucking innovation?

WTF Soap Bars: 10 different handmade vegan soap bars designed by our in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match each concept. Shrinkwrapped with a transparent label.

Dimensions: 3 ½″ L × 2 ¾″ W × 1″ H. Sold in 4-packs.

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AMARETTO SOUR SCENT

FUCK THIS.

POMEGRANATE CHAMPAGNE SCENT

I FUCKING LOVE YOU

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

WT1-S

WT2-S

WT4-S

FUCK YEAH

CUCUMBER ALOE DAIQUIRI SCENT

BLUEBERRY BOURBON FIZZ SCENT

SALTY DOG COCKTAIL SCENT

SALTY AS FUCK

I DON’T KNOW SHIT

WT5-S

WT6-S

WT9-S

TROPICAL IPA SCENT

9

FUCKING SHIT UP

BITCH, PLEASE

WT12-S

WT13-S

RUM PUNCH SCENT

THIS HO

10

RUSTY NAIL SCENT

FUCK CANCER

VODKA STINGER SCENT

STRAWBERRY FROSÉ SCENT

WT14-S

WT15-S

GOOD QUESTION…

Soap for What the Actual Fuck?

Page 9

WTF SOAP

11

WTF CANDLES Our 100% soy wax candles aren’t the most polite on the shelf, but as we all know, they won’t stay on the shelf for long. Like it or leave it, profanity is fuckin’ hot. So buy these precious and delicious-smelling pastel candles featuring your grandma’s favorite curse words!

WTF Candles: Soy wax candle.

Burn time: 40 hours.

Size: 2 ¾″ D × 3 ½″ H. Net weight: 6.5 ounces.

Sold in 4-packs.

SALTY AS FUCK

SALTY DOG COCKTAIL SCENT WT6-C

12

FUCKING SHIT UP

BITCH, PLEASE

WT12-C

WT13-C

RUM PUNCH SCENT

RUSTY NAIL SCENT

S H O P TH E CO LLE C TI O N THIS HO

FUCK CANCER

VODKA STINGER SCENT

STRAWBERRY FROSÉ SCENT

WT14-C

WT15-C

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MATCHBOOKS

S H O P TH E CO LLE C TI O N

The Whiskey River Matchbook was first identified from fossils discovered in Amazonian caves and was believed to be extinct until 2018, when a single specimen was spotted in a Nebraska cornfield. While a handful of other matchbooks would be documented in the following years, by late 2022 the species was listed as critically endangered. The prospects for survival were bleak, but thanks to intensive conservation efforts and a very generous grant from the government of Alabama, the great Whiskey River Matchbook has made a successful comeback in ecosystems across North America. Cool!

OUR CUSTOMERS LOVE US!

MAT-F2

Matchbook Set F2 (Above) 64-pack of 20-strike matchbooks, with curse words in counter-top display.

MAT-D

“SEEMS LIKE YOU ONLY HAVE TWO BIKES IN THE WHOLE SHOP?”

Matchbook Set D (Opposite) 64-pack of 20-strike matchbooks in counter-top display.

PLEASE BE CONSIDERATE OF OUR “FRIENDS ONLY GATHERING” IN THE BACK ROOM AND LEAVE

ARE YOU STILL HERE? Will a

lw

MATCHBOOKS

icksme to ask: Totaalys D e ti take th

14

A LW - F

ANIMAL LOVERS

16

r

Air Fresheners: Designed-in-USA candle air fresheners with scents based on the original candle.

Air freshener size: 3 ½″ W × 3″ H. Package size: 5 ½″ W × 6 ½″ H. Double-sided, full-color.

Sold in packs of 4.

Lhkkr B f lh eZm^ B aZ] Z mabg` Zg] ghp B aZo^ mh `h% lhkk

Know what stinks? Not you! Now that you have your very own candle air freshener to haul around with you, people will quit pinching their noses and running for the hills. Hopefully. You still have to occasionally bathe, you know.

ALWAYS LATE

ALWAYS LATE

FARM FRESH SCENT

ABSENT AMBER SCENT

ANI-F

ALW-F

an air fre she ner for ALWAYS LAT E

AIR FRESHENERS

NEW LOOK!

AB SEN T AM BE R sce nt

“These air fresheners look good enough to eat!” S O M E H U N G RY G U Y

BLESS YOUR HEART PINK COCKTAIL SCENT

“SPIRITUAL” INCENSE SCENT

CRYSTALS

I LOVE THAT FOR YOU

BYH-F

CRS-F

ILO-F

SPITE

THOUGHTS & PRAYERS

99 PROBLEMS

SPI-F

THO-F

99P-F

BITTERS & SODA SCENT

FLORAL INSINCERITY SCENT

YELLOW ROSES SCENT

SANTAL 99 SCENT

CANDLE AIR FRESHENERS

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GIFT TAG STICKERS TAG-F

but your life You probab ly didnʼt realize it, now. Whyʼs was woeful ly incomp lete. Until them and that? These sticker s. You love stupid they love you back, the way your “family ” and “friend s” never could.

TAG-E

Make gifting even easier with our new collection of all-season gift tag stickers.

You won’t even need wrapping paper with tags this attractive…

So get to work fucking those gifts up! word when Why waste time say many think in’. few word do trick? Good it even These gift tag sticke rs make is add easier… all you have to do even have someb ody’s name . Doesn’t to be spelle d corre ctly!

Gift Tag Stickers: Two 8-sticker sheets with header card, size: 5″ × 9 ½″. Full-color. Sold in 8-packs.

G I FT SO GOO D YOU A N D A LL PE OPLE M AY E NJOY !!!

THB

(Is meaning “To Honestly Be”

in acronym)

1 6 STIC K Y TAG FOR G IFTS

FI N A LLY ! G I FT TAGS WITH TH AT WH I S K E Y RI V E R FL AVO R…

YES!

man For hu and all pets

WTF

S WAoff 50% last week!

(THA TʼS “WH AT THE FUCK ?”

FOR THE BOO MERS )

FUCK TH IS.

I FUCK ING LOVE YOU

RS 1 6 E X PLIC IT G IFT TAG STIC KE

J U S T K I D D I N G, H E R E ʼS YO U R G I F T

To:

To:

From:

From:

OH MY FUCK AK

WH AT TH E? I T ʼS A G I F T F O R YO U, YA D UM MY

YO U ʼR E G O N N A F R E T W H E N YO U S E E T H I S G I F

To:

To:

From:

From:

FUCK YE AH A N OT H E R AW ES OM E G I F T F ROM M E !

DON’T BE A SALTY BITCH To:

To:

From:

FU UU UUCK

TH IS HO

G I V I N G G I F T S I S H A R D. H O P E YO U L I K E I T !

D ES E RV ES A G O O D FUCKING GIF T

To:

To:

From:

From:

18

THB STICKY TAG FOR GIFTS

WTF GIFT TAG STICKERS

TAG-E

TAG-F

SOAP & CANDLES

SHOP THE COLLECTION

They’re the original hot ticket. Need I say more? Didn’t think so.

Classic Soap Bars: Handmade vegan soap designed by our in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match each concept. Shrink-wrapped with a kraft brown label. Dimensions: 3 ½″ L × 2 ¾″ W × 1″ H. Sold in 4-packs.

Duo Candles: Always hand-poured and made with our exclusive blend of 100% soy wax and 0% bullshit. Fragrance blends match each concept and corresponding soap. Dimensions: 4″ D × 2 ½″ H. Burn time: 60 hours. Sold in 3-packs.

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Favorite Teacher COOL CUCUMBER SCENT D Cooler D Funnier D And that “A” SOAP

FTE-S

CANDLE

20

FTE-C

Hard Knocks BOXING GLOVES SCENT D Take your punches D Learn the game D Retire at 35 SOAP HAR-S

CANDLE

HAR-C

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Beach Bods SHOWER STEAM SCENT D It’s getting hot D In here D So take off all my clothes?

SOAP

BEA-S

CANDLE

22

BEA-C

Old Friends FERMENTED GRAPES SCENT D Deep dark secrets D Mob-level loyalty D Mental telepathy SOAP OLF-S

CANDLE

OLF-C

23

Bougie Bitches ALMOST LOUIS VUITTON SCENT D Organic everything D Designer everything D But also some Target SOAP

BOU-S

CANDLE

24

BOU-C

Probably Stoned PATCHOULI INCENSE SCENT D I was thinking…

D About…

D Something…

SOAP

PRS-S

CANDLE

PRS-C

25

Positive Vibes RAY OF SUNSHINE SCENT D You is smart D You is kind D You is important SOAP

POV-S

CANDLE

26

POV-C

Get Me a Drink ZOMBIE COCKTAIL SCENT D A strong one D And another one after that D Hurry up!

SOAP

GMD-S

CANDLE

GMD-C

27

More Cowbell CHRISTOPHER WALKEN SCENT D Need D More D Cowbell SOAP

MCO-S

CANDLE

28

MCO-C

Hot Moms FRESH FRUIT SCENT D Cute joggers D Playground chic D DILF approved SOAP

HMO-S

CANDLE

HMO-C

29

MILF Soap Page 5

TERMS & CONDITIONS ORDER MINIMUMS:

SHIPPING:

Opening order: $200 Re-orders: $150

Domestic orders shipped via UPS Ground unless otherwise specified.

Fantasy Destination Jigsaw Puzzles are excluded from free or discounted freight promotions. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total.

All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s).

Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of Whiskey River Soap Company.

PAYMENT TERMS: New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash, or credit card.

Established accounts: Net 30 upon approval. Credit references must be submitted at time of request.

CONDITIONS OF CREDIT: All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from date shipped. A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, pre-payment may be required. Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Company all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law. Whiskey River Soap Company reserves the right to revoke credit terms after 3 late payments.

PAYMENT: Company check, money order, cash, credit card, PayPal, or ACH bank transfers.

CANCELLATIONS: Orders may be canceled at any time. For orders already completed and ready to ship at the time of cancellation, a 25% restocking fee will be charged.

CLAIMS: Any claims for damaged or misshipped items must be made within 7 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep. Claims must be supported with photos of product, tracking number, and outer carton.

RETURNS: Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped.

For damaged or mis-shipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received

beyond the 30-day return window.

Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer, except in case of mis-shipped merchandise.

PRICING: All prices are subject to the real object and may change without notice. This catalog and corresponding order form’s pricing supersedes all others. Current prices are effective from January 1, 2024.

A NOTE ABOUT OUR PRODUCTS: Soap and candles are perishable.

Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life.

Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque.

All our soaps and candles are handmade, so no two look exactly alike. Expect some deviation.

INGREDIENTS: Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like glitter. The basic ingredients (printed on each label) are: coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, and fragrance.

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68 West Main Street Newark, Ohio 43055 (740) 973-9817 whiskeyriversoap.com

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