The power of words

Rabbi Adam F. Miller

Soon, we will gather in our synagogues, uttering the haunting Unatanetokef prayer. While the message, “Who shall live and who shall die…” often fills us with fearful awe, Rabbi Edward Feinstein notes that the opening words themselves are rather obvious. All of us will live and all of us will die. That is not under dispute. He suggests that if we don’t know what events will change the course of our lives in the next year, then we should put our energy into the things that we can control, our own words and actions.

Our words carry tremendous power. The Chofetz Chaim once stopped at an inn with another rabbi. After dinner, the owner asked, “How did you like the food?” “Very good,” replied the Chofetz Chaim. “Quite good,” said the second rabbi, “but it could have used more salt.”

Afterwards, the Chofetz Chaim exclaimed, “I am shocked! Why did you speak lashon hara!”

The veracity of information does not justify it being shared with others.

“What did I say wrong?” his companion stammered. “I said the food was good but it needed some salt!”

“You simply don’t realize the power of words,” answered the Chofetz Chaim. “Let’s go to the kitchen.” As they opened the kitchen door, they saw the owner berating the cook for insulting their honored guests. The cook stood wiping tears from her eyes as she defended the quality of her work. Their voices reached a crescendo as the owner threatened to fire the cook.

The other rabbi stepped between them, “Please, stop! Forgive me for causing harm, the soup was good, and my tastes are unusual. Please do not fire her on my account.” Hearing the rabbi’s heartfelt words, the innkeeper agreed to keep the cook.

Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, author of “Words that Hurt, Words that Heal,” explains this story: “Most people seem to think that there is nothing morally wrong in spreading negative information about others, as long as the information is true. Jewish law takes a very different view. Perhaps that is why the Hebrew term lashon ha-ra has no precise equivalent in English. For unlike slander, which is universally condemned as immoral because it is false, lashonha-rais, by definition, true. It is the dissemination of accurateinformation that will lower the status of the person to whom it refers; I [Rabbi Telushkin] translate it as ‘negative truths.’”

The veracity of information does not justify it being shared with others. In this case, there was no need to mention the salt.

While our words have the power to hurt, they also carry the power to heal. Words bring hope and inspire the spirits of others. Imagine if the rabbi had complimented the cook on the soup, “Please thank the cook for the best soup I’ve had all week!”

A modern parable tells of a teacher who asked students to write one nice thing about each other. The next day, the teacher handed out the lists made from the comments of their peers. Most were surprised to learn that their classmates appreciated their talents, skills, and personalities. From that point forward, the teacher noticed a more positive atmosphere in the class. Years later, at a class gathering, many of the students pulled out their lists to show the teacher. Each told her how those positive words continued to lift their spirits.

At the dawn of the new year of 5786, may we be mindful of how we use our tongues, and the power of our words to hurt, and to heal. May we refrain from the temptation to speak ill, no matter how true. Instead, may the words of our mouths be for blessing. L’shalom.