That’s Odd

violating Page’s “constitutional and other legal rights in connection with unlawful surveillance and investigation of him by the United States Government.”

Page had been one of the first Trump administration officials to be put under surveillance by the FBI as part of “Crossfire Hurricane,” a probe of the campaign’s ties with Russian intelligence. The other figures included in the witch-hunt were all later convicted of unrelated federal crimes, including Michael Flynn, Paul Manafort, and George Papadopoulos.

In the lawsuit, the energy executive and foreign policy expert accuses the FBI of willfully misleading the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court (FISA) when asking for a warrant to wiretap his phone calls. At the time, agents justified the request by pointing to allegations in the now-debunked dossier compiled by English spy Christopher Steele that Page was in contact with Russia intelligence officers during the presidential election.

Page also demanded monetary compensation for what he said was the economic, emotional, and professional damage he suffered from the illegitimate probe. The lawsuit comes after DOJ Inspector General Michael Horowitz found in a 2019 report that the FBI was guilty of numerous professional and ethical mistakes in its probe of Page, including failing to notify the court that he had been a CIA asset in the past.

“This case is about holding accountable the entities and individuals who are responsible for the most egregious violation and abuse of the [Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act] FISA statute since it was enacted over forty years ago,” read the court filing.

“Since not a single proven fact ever established complicity with Russia involving Dr. Page, there never was probable cause to seek or obtain the FISA Warrants targeting him on this basis,” it added.

“The facts of this case…have been relatively well-briefed,” said Page attorney Tim Parlatore, in an interview with Fox News on Saturday.

“Between the Horowitz report and various congressional [investigations] on this subject, there are no bombshell revelations in this lawsuit other than Page is seeking to be made whole from the individuals who have completely destroyed his life.”

Word of the Year

According to Merriam-Webster, we’ve all had the same thing on our minds in 2020.

The online dictionary source annually chooses a word of the year. This year’s most popular word? Pandemic.

Yup, that’s hardly a surprise.

“That probably isn’t a big shock,” Peter Sokolowski, editor at large for Merriam-Webster, admitted.

“Often the big news story has a technical word that’s associated with it, and in this case, the word pandemic is not just technical but has become general. It’s probably the word by which we’ll refer to this period in the future,” he added.

On March 11, when the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus outbreak a global pandemic, lookups on the Merriam-Webster site for “pandemic” spiked hugely – 115,806% (not a typo!) higher than on the same date the year before. Site interest for the word has remained significantly high through the year.

Pandemic, with roots in Latin and Greek, is a combination of “pan,” for all, and “demos,” for people or population.

The word pandemic dates to the mid-1600s.

Merriam-Webster had to add certain words to its dictionary because of the pandemic. For example, while “coronavirus” had been in the dictionary for decades, “COVID-19” was coined in February. Thirty-four days later, Merriam-Webster had it up online, along with a couple dozen other entries that were revised to reflect the health emergency.

“That’s the shortest period of time we’ve ever seen a word go from coinage to entry,” Sokolowski noted. “The word had this urgency.”

Coronavirus was among runners up for word of the year as it jumped into the mainstream. Quarantine, asymptomatic, mamba (related to the death of Kobe Bryant, called the Black Mamba), kraken (a mythical sea monster chosen by Seattle’s new National Hockey League as its mascot), defund, antebellum, irregardless, icon, schadenfreude, and malarkey (made popular by Joe Biden, who seems to love the word) were also runners-up based on lookup spikes around specific events.

For those who love to hear about the origin of words, “quarantine” has Italian roots. It was used during the Black Death of the 1300s for the period of time a new ship coming into port would have to wait outside a city to prevent disease. The “quar” in quarantine derives from 40, for the 40 days the ship was required to wait.

Rock Return

A piece of marble taken from the National Roman Museum in 2017 was returned this week with a note in which the thief admitted her wrongdoing.

The museum posted an image of the package along with the note sent with the stolen object.

“To whom it may concern:

“I would like to return this rock to its rightful place – anywhere within the Roman ruins – and I would greatly appreciate your assistance!

“Please forgive me for being such an American [idiot] and taking something that was not mine to take. I feel terribly for not only taking this item from its rightful place, but placing writing on it as well. That was extremely wrong of me, and I now realize in my later adult life how inconsiderate and disrespectful that was. I have attempted many hours of scrubbing and cleaning to remove, but to no success.

“Please forgive me!”

The piece had scrawled with words “To Sam, Love Jess” on the marble indelible ink.

Recipe Rewards

Attention all cooks in the kitchen: this one is for you.

A kitchen supply company recently announced it is seeking a “Cookie Connoisseur” who will be paid $5,000 to create unique cookie recipes with “wacky” ingredients.

Reynolds Kitchens said the Cookie Connoisseur will be tapped to author five cookie recipes to be featured in the brand’s 21-day Cookie Countdown to 2021.

Bakers interested in the position, which comes with a $5,000 paycheck, are being asked to submit a cookie recipe that includes “an unexpected or wacky ingredient” to the company by December 8.

“The holidays may be filled with some uncertainty this year, but baking cookies always brings joy,” said Lisa Smith, senior vice president of marketing for Reynolds Brands. “We’re looking for a fun-loving baker to help us end this challenging year on a sweet note with a creative cookie countdown.”

Anyone interested in coming up with a kishke cookie recipe?

Polar Promotion

Our neighbor to the north is handing out prestigious positions to those who are barely human.

The Canadian Army celebrated the fifth birthday of a beloved polar bear at the Toronto Zoo by giving the animal a promotion to honorary master corporal.

The zoo said that Brig. Gen. Conrad Mialkowski, commander of 4th Canadian Division and Joint Task Force Central, visited the zoo to bestow Juno the polar bear with the rank of honorary master corporal.

Juno was born on Remembrance Day, the Canadian holiday for honoring armed forces members who died in the line of duty, and was named in honor of the Canadian landings on Juno Beach in World War II.

The bear was previously dubbed an honorary private by the army, before later being promoted to honorary corporal.

The animal could bear-ly stand the excitement when it heard of the promotion.

In honor of Juno’s newest position, we present to you a joke that may or may not make you groan:

Two scientists, one from the Czech Republic and one from Austria, traveled to America to study the legendary grizzly bear. When they failed to return from their first trip into the woods, two park rangers went looking for them and quickly tracked down a male and a female bear who’d been by the scientists’ campsite.

Their apprehension was proven justified when they tranquilized the female grizzly and found the remains of the Austrian.

The first park ranger said sadly, “You know what this means…”

“Yup,” the second ranger said. “The Czech is in the male.”

The Big Cheese

A French chef shredded the competition and captured a Guinness World Record by cooking up a pizza that contains 254 varieties of cheese.

Benoit Bruel of Déliss’ Pizza combined a mouth-dropping 254 cheeses to top a pizza cooked up in the city of Lyon.

Bruel unofficially broke the existing record for varieties of cheese on a pizza way back in February, besting Australian chef Johnny Di Fran-

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cesco’s heretofore record-holding 154-varietal pie, but Bruel still had to gather the “required evidence” of his achievement to present to the Guinness tribunal.

Guinness shared a video showing Bruel weighing out the portions of cheese to make sure there was enough of each variety to qualify for the world record.

Bruel told Guinness officials he thought it was important that the record be held by France, which is known for its cheeses.

“Youhoooo,” Bruel posted to the restaurant’s Instagram on Sunday. “It took a while but that’s it, the Guiness Book validated my record last Thursday! It’s official!!! My certificate arrives this week as well as the list of cheeses.”

Bruel, sounds like life is gouda!

Lego Legacy

Ever step out of bed in middle of the night, only to step on one of your child’s lost Legos? Ow! Yup, we hear your pain.

This week, a group of intrepid women broke a Guinness World Record when they collectively walked 2.04 miles barefoot over a pile of Lego bricks.

Katie Wells, founder and CEO of lifestyle website Wellness Mama, gathered friends Ashley, Savanna, Grace and Cat to break the record for farthest distance traveled by walking barefoot on Lego bricks by a relay team in 1 hour.

Each woman had to complete a minimum 20 laps on the 32.8-foot track in the one-hour time limit to break the record. The five Floridian women exceeded their own expectations by achieving a total distance of 2.04 miles on the track.

The Lego track was created at a gym in Santa Rosa Beach, Fla.

“One of my goals for this year was to set a world record, and knowing the importance of community, I knew I wanted to attempt it with other moms,” Wells said.

“How many of us [moms] have had the experience of a Lego to the foot while walking across a room in the middle of the night to get a fussy baby, or while running across the house to answer the door or check the oven?” Wells noted.

We hear you. We’re all getting to be pretty professional at walking on Legos – or avoiding them.

Monkey Music

Paul Barton doesn’t mind if his audience jumps all over him while he plays the piano.

The British musician is on tour in central Thailand, and his audience is made up of hungry, wild monkeys.

Barton is attempting to use his music to calm the creatures, whom he says are wilder than usual due to a decrease in tourists who usually feed them.

“We need to make an effort to make sure that they eat properly. And when they eat properly, they will be calmer and will not be aggressive,” said Barton, 59, a long-time Thailand resident.

Barton has played at four venues in Lopburi, a province famous for its marauding monkeys, including at an ancient Hindu temple, a hardware store, and a derelict cinema.

The macaques are instantly drawn to him as he plays “Greensleeves” and Beethoven’s “Fur Elise.” They jump on his stool, climb on his shoulders, and touch his head. Others chew on his music sheets or run up and down the piano keys.

“A wonderful opportunity to see the wild animals just being themselves,” said Barton, from Yorkshire in northern England.

“I was surprised to play the piano and find that they were actually eating the music as I was playing it. I wasn’t going to let those things distract from the project, which is to play the music for these wonderful macaques.”

Barton is not new at playing for four-legged audiences. For more than a decade, he serenaded elephants at retirement sanctuaries.

Sounds like he’s not monkeying around.

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