Don’t pursue happiness. Create it.

RABBI PINCHAS ALLOUCHE | PARSHAH KI TAVO DEUTERONOMY 28:7-28:69

“As long as he is happy, I’m happy too!”

A friend shared these words with me recently, describing his cousin’s relationship with a lady he was dating. He didn’t think she was a good fit for him, but he dismissed his feelings with this lame excuse.

It wasn’t the first time I had heard this sentence. Many of us utter it, or different versions of it, to excuse all sorts of behaviors. We convince ourselves that as long as we are “happy,” almost any behavior is legitimized — from dating the wrong person to engaging in selfdestructive habits.

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 10 service and her promise to the nation meant that she never contemplated stepping aside. She simply got on with her job, exuding a steely strength and determination that won her so many admirers.

The queen was also an internationally renowned figure. It is easy to forget that she visited some 117 countries as monarch, meeting countless leaders, statesmen and diplomats. She acted as head of state to 15 British prime ministers and met no fewer than 13 American presidents. Indeed, her reign lasted more than one quarter of the entire history of the United States. She

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Mo Amer is a stand-up comedian, and the series is very funny. The humor often comes from the absurdity of living as a stateless Palestinian-Texan-American asylum seeker whose Spanish is almost as good as his Arabic or English. The Najjars’ story is based on the real-life experiences of Amer’s own family, originally from Haifa, then Burin, through Kuwait from where his family also fled during the first Gulf war. It took Amer’s family 20 years to get citizenship in the United States. This is important to bear in mind as “Mo” takes you through all the situations the Najjars finds themselves in as they navigate the immigration and asylum process, work to stay afloat financially, and make sure they get the medical care

But I beg to differ. When we engage in behaviors that are opposed to our inner Divine beings, values and purpose, we cannot be happy. Dating a person who stifles our self-growth and engaging in behaviors that squash our infinite potential will not bring happiness. Other feelings, such as self-gratification and fleeting pleasures, may then emerge. But genuine happiness can only come from dedicating ourselves to the actualization of our Divine being, values and purpose.

“Happiness cannot be pursued,” Viktor Frankl wrote in his “Man’s Search for Meaning.” “Happiness must happen, and you have to let it happen by not caring about it. Instead, one should dedicate himself to actualizing his highest self; only then will true happiness ensue.”

Perhaps, this is the reason this week’s portion tells us that only after we have settled our land and worked hard to was the first British monarch to travel to a communist country when she toured Yugoslavia in 1972. She was a symbol of the reconciliation with Japan, receiving the emperor in the United Kingdom, while her visits to China and Russia in the 1980s and 1990s were equally significant. She also reflected a changed mood when she went to the Republic of Ireland in 2011, something that would have been unthinkable decades earlier. She was undoubtedly the most experienced diplomat of her age and a figure to whom many would turn for wise counsel.

She was also a friend of the Jewish community in the U.K. She met many faith leaders and gained the praise of figures such as the late Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, who described her and they need when wounds prove to be more than their mother’s Palestinian-style home-pressed olive oil has the capacity to heal (although, like Ashkenazi chicken soup and Windex in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” Mo’s mother’s olive oil performs magical feats).

In “Mo” there is a running joke that taps into the sense of invisibility I have heard expressed often by Palestinian Americans: Any time someone asks Mo where his family is from he answers, “Palestine.”

“Oh, Pakistan!” they say. “No, like Jerusalem,” says Mo. “Oh, Israel!” And then, with varying degrees of resignation from Mo: “Nope. Big branding problem.”

Depending on each PalestinianAmerican’s history and the particular context, it can be complicated, painful or confusing to introduce oneself in the U.S. context — there can be a great deal of pride, as well, in sharing one’s identity fulfill our purpose of bettering our part of this world, then, and only then, will we “rejoice in all the good things G-d has given you and your household (Deuteronomy 26:11).”

As a young teen struggling to find my purpose in the vastness of our world, I recall seeking the advice of my dear mentor, world-scholar Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, to confess to him that “I don’t know what I want to be ‘when I grow up.’” His poignant words have stayed with me until this very day:

“You ask a good question,” he told me. “But instead of asking what you want to be, ask what you ought to be and do. And if you ask what you ought to be and do at all times, your life will be happy, purposeful and satisfying to your inner ‘I.’”

He was right. In order to find happiness and fulfill our inner selves, we ought to ask what we ought to be and do. Am the royal family as “one of the great unifying forces in Britain, a unity we need all the more, the more diverse religiously and culturally we become.” She hosted Israeli leaders in the U.K., including President Ephraim Katzir in 1976, and gave an honorary knighthood to Shimon Peres in 2008. with people who are genuinely wanting to learn more. It’s been wonderful to see the excitement in the Palestinian community as Mo Amer’s story appears on a major platform and makes it way onto screens across the country.

In 2000, she also inaugurated Britain’s first permanent memorial to the Holocaust and served as patron of the UK Holocaust Memorial Day Trust for a decade. It is true that she did not visit Israel as a monarch despite a number of entreaties from the country’s leaders. But this did not reflect any personal malice or bigotry and instead resulted from longstanding Foreign Office policy to avoid antagonizing Britain’s Arab allies.

As I watched the semi-fictional Najjar family’s story unfold, in flashbacks and present time, I thought a lot about my friend Hedab. Important parts of the Najjar/Amer story resonated with what I know of Hedab’s family history: displaced first from Jaffa and then from Gaza to Kuwait, and finally to the United States. Hedab fought hard for a passport identifying her as she wanted to be known. Last summer, as violence raged in Gaza and Jerusalem, even as her own family in Gaza was under fire, Hedab spoke out against violence toward Jewish bystanders on the streets of Los Angeles, because she “knows how it feels to stand alone calling

I actualizing my God-given skills and talents? Am I fulfilling my responsibilities? Am I being true to my Divine being and purpose? Am I performing mitzvahs, today more than yesterday, yet much less than tomorrow?

If we can answer an affirmative “yes” to these questions, we will then undoubtedly find happiness, and we will each be blessed with a good, sweet and happy year. JN

Accordingly, the queen’s death has seen a genuine and palpable outpouring of grief from Jewish communal leaders of every denomination. British Jews are feeling the loss of this remarkable monarch as much as their gentile counterparts.

For now, Britain has a king who will provide the nation and Commonwealth with a sense of much needed continuity. But Queen Elizabeth II was a truly unique figure whose guiding presence symbolized unity, constancy and, above all, human decency. We will not see her like again. JN for peace and justice for your people.” I hope someday you will be able to hear Hedab’s textured and powerful story, too.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of JTA or its parent company, 70 Faces Media.

So this is an invitation to American Jews, especially those of us who don’t have relationships with individual Palestinians. Watch “Mo” with curiosity. Experience the complexity of the intergenerational relationships, and allow yourself to gain perspective on how this PalestinianAmerican family defines itself — and allow yourself to laugh. And after that, find a different Palestinian story to listen to or read. Start breaking down the monolith. After all, wouldn’t you want someone who has a limited understanding of Jews to do that for us? JN

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of JTA or its parent company, 70 Faces Media.