Jewish Action Spring 2022

Spring 5782/2022

Vol. 82, No. 3

ONE CANNOT LIVE

BY MATZO ALONE From Seder to Snacking and Everything in Between

U

P

INSIDE Table of Contents Jewish Action Spring 2022/5782 Vol. 82, No. 3

HEALTH AND WELLNESS Unplugging the Digital Generation How tech is affecting our kids and what we are doing about it

By Rachel Schwartzberg

COVER STORY

32 44

46 49

Habits of Emotionally Strong Families How to Raise Resilient Kids Empowering Parents: New innovative OU parenting program launches in Cincinnati and Houston

By Leah R. Lightman Rabbi Leib Kelemen on Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe: Advice from a Master Educator Q & A with Dr. David Pelcovitz

By Binyamin Ehrenkranz

THE JEWISH WORLD

52

The View from Pew, Part II: How Can We Do Better?

Conversations on Inreach and Outreach

ISRAEL

62

Shemitah Up Close: The Heroism of Israeli Farmers

By Toby Klein Greenwald

FOOD

68

02 07

16 20

FEATURES

22

DEPARTMENTS

Hard Truths about Soft Matzah

By Carol Ungar

72 76 79 86

22

LETTERS PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE Early-Childhood Parenting and Lifelong Religious Growth

By Mark (Moishe) Bane FROM THE DESK OF RABBI MOSHE HAUER Achrayut, the Ultimate Passion IN FOCUS Under the Influence

By Rebbetzin Dr. Adina Shmidman THE CHEF’S TABLE Bolder and Brighter Flavors of Pesach

By Naomi Ross LEGAL-EASE What’s the Truth about . . .

Chai Nosei et Atzmo?

By Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky INSIDE THE OU

By Sara Goldberg INSIDE PHILANTHROPY Newly Dedicated Nach Yomi Enters Second Cycle

By Merri Ukraincik

BOOKS

94 97

100 102 104

Faith at Work: Elevating Our Work Day Parashah by Parashah

By Jeff Weinberg Reviewed by Allen Fagin

72

The Koren Yachad Siddur Translation and commentary

by Rabbi Dr. Benjy Leibowitz and Michael Adler Reviewed by Dr. Stephen Glicksman Ask Rabbi Jack

By Rabbi Jack Abramowitz Reviewed by Rabbi Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer Reviews in Brief

By Rabbi Gil Student LASTING IMPRESSIONS Two Nights, Two People, Four Solo Seders

By Steve Lipman

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Cover: Aliza Ungar

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Jewish Action seeks to provide a forum for a diversity of legitimate opinions within the spectrum of Orthodox Judaism.

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Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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LETTERS THE MAGAZINE OF THE ORTHODOX UNION jewishaction.com

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THE REWARDS OF ALIYAH In his letter (“Is Language a Barrier to Aliyah?” [winter 2021]), David Green discusses how his grandfather, who escaped Hitler’s Europe and settled in Brooklyn, experienced a language barrier for the rest of his life.

Similarly, my grandparents spoke Yiddish, and their children, all born in the shtetl, had to help them maneuver the intricacies of daily life in Brooklyn. But if they hadn’t left Europe to endure the language problems, it’s painful to imagine what might have been.

Responding to the concern about the language barrier faced by olim, Rabbi Dr. Avidan Milevsky writes that “studies show a direct correlation between language proficiency and immigration success.”

What is the frum community doing about learning to speak our native language? Are we teaching Hebrew as a living language? Are the gap year programs in Israel providing intensive ulpan classes for students?

As a proud oleh for thirty-seven years, I believe that olim thrive on challenges. Is there anything in life that doesn’t involve risk? Moving out of one’s comfort zone is certainly stressful, but then, aliyah has rewards that are immeasurable.

Diana Schiowitz Jerusalem, Israel

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JEWISH ACTION Spring 5782/2022

DEBATING INREACH VS. OUTREACH The contrast between the two main articles in the winter issue could not have been greater. I was inspired by the heroic efforts of twentieth-century shtadlanim.

Sadly, I was demoralized by the lack of vision and commitment from those who commented on the 2020 Pew survey of American Jews (“The View from Pew: Where We Are” and “Where Do We Go from Here?” [winter 2021]). In an era where the Orthodox community has financial means unparalleled in any previous generation, and therefore the ability to fund both kiruv rechokim and kiruv kerovim, the message that we can’t afford Jewish outreach rang hollow and self-serving.

Jewish Action should devote an issue to those of us who have lived our lives on the front lines of Jewish outreach, often at great sacrifice.

Speak as well to the countless individuals, myself included, for whom kiruv rechokim was life-changing and has resulted, baruch Hashem, in both quantifiable and unquantifiable outcomes. Our job is to do our hishtadlut. Only Hashem will determine the success.

Lauren Shaps Ottowa, Ontario, Canada While the numbers in the Pew study can be debated, the point that Rabbi Jacob J. Schacter makes cannot. The volume of resources poured in to allow one neshamah to see the light of Torah is certainly noble and worthwhile, but we can sometimes miss those closest to us who may require some extra support in their avodat Hashem. The dream of changing the course of the lives of those lost souls should not preclude us from our communal responsibility of “aniyei ircha kodmin” (the poor of your city should come first). We must provide continuous inspiration for those whom we may take for granted simply because they grew up in a frum household.

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This particular issue is increasingly apparent in my hometown. I have watched the city in which I was born and raised morph into a completely different town. For the most part, non-frum Jews have left the day school, and more frum families have moved in. As I have watched the terrible assimilation of those Jews who have left the fold, I have also been struck by the burgeoning necessity to have inspiring Torah for the frum as well. We must do everything we can to save, help and inspire every Jew. Anonymous ORTHODOX JEWS SHIFT POLITICALLY Dr. Erica Brown’s first, and therefore I assume primary, area of concern with regard to the recent Pew study is the large increase in Orthodox Jews voting Republican. Rather than seeing this as a reflection of diversity, she portrays it as fragmentation. Dr. Brown characterizes the shift as causing a coarsening of political literacy and an increase in polarization, and then presents educational options to counter this assumed change in political dialogue. Dr. Brown might have explored the reasons for this change in political affiliation; instead, she simply calls it “understandable.” But by avoiding criticism of the left, she focuses her biased criticism on the right.

Education should never be used to sway youth away from a political party, especially if the sins of that party are shared by the party that benefits from the education. I am not a Republican, but I value fair treatment of all schools of thought.

Each person should have the liberty to choose without the subtle persuasion of public educational institutions.

Dr. Irving Cantor Jerusalem, Israel Dr. Erica Brown Responds To clarify: My primary concern in my response to the Pew study is that we are losing, through attrition, a significant percentage of students who, despite a dozen years of Jewish day school or more, feel disengaged and that some of our outreach efforts to the not-yet religious should be invested instead in those who are already committed but flagging in their interest.

The political point was ancillary but important and perhaps misunderstood by the reader. Strengthening efforts in civic engagement and a proper education in the way the government works is decidedly non-partisan. Like the reader, I, too, believe it is never the role of a school to convince students to vote for a particular party, years before they can even vote. But I do think it’s the job of schools and homes to create a safe and informed climate of inquiry so that future voters understand what each party stands for and learn to treat the political process with respect on both sides of the aisle.

AMERICA’S MORAL DECLINE The winter issue of Jewish Action was full of eloquent ideas for stemming the Orthodox defection rate. But one critical idea needs more attention—namely, that the characteristic approach of Modern Orthodoxy must be reevaluated in light of massive changes in the culture around us.

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JEWISH ACTION Spring 5782/2022

Modern Orthodoxy focuses much attention, in theory and practice, on interactions with the outside world.

Much of America is in a precipitous moral and social decline. Toxic, socially corrosive concepts and a redefined “equity” have made inroads into sectors of our own educational institutions. In our business, professional and academic worlds, we are now knee deep in territory that is conceptually hostile. So how can we maintain the same relationship with the outside world that we’ve fostered until now? The same balance between Torah and madda, now that madda is frequently corrupted and politicized?

Notwithstanding its past successes, Modern Orthodoxy must conduct, consider and implement a thorough self-review on the highest level.

Bob Miller Indianapolis, Indiana OPPORTUNITIES FOR JOB SEEKERS The series of articles entitled “Rethinking the Economics of Frum Life” (fall 2021) presented many excellent points about how frum Jews can make changes in their lives and attitudes that will lead to financially sound career moves and using their money more wisely. I particularly appreciated the advice about having realistic salary expectations and thinking long term about career growth.

As a grant writer for Jewish Family and Community Services of Pittsburgh (JFCS), I frequently hear of job seekers helped by the JFCS Career Development Center who find employment at entry-level salaries with the understanding that in time they will advance in their fields. Motivated workers often do advance within a few years to their desired salary range, whether at the original employer or by leveraging their skills to find a job elsewhere.

I was disappointed that the cover story focused heavily on entrepreneurship and professions and did not explore other fields of work that have opportunities for stable salaries and growth.

The Orthodox community should be focused on creating viable job opportunities for community members and partnerships with organizations that are tapped into job market trends.

Susan Jablow Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania DON’T EMBARRASS THE READER The excellent article by David Olivestone (“Inside the Mind of the Gabbai” [winter 2021]) noted that in many shuls attendees feel free to shout out corrections to mistakes in the Torah reading. This is very unfortunate because it often embarrasses the reader, a grave outcome in and of itself. In addition, loud and emphatic corrections often disturb the reader’s concentration and chip away at his confidence, often leading to more errors than would otherwise have been made.

I have observed that loud shout-outs have discouraged bar mitzvah boys from continuing to lein on future occasions, a

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very regrettable outcome. With two attentive gabba’im on the bimah, it seems to me that virtually all errors should not only be caught at the bimah but should also be corrected quietly and respectfully, which will avoid embarrassment of the reader and prevent other counterproductive consequences.

Tom Furst Great Neck, New York COUNTING A CHILD IN A MINYAN For many years now, my favorite columns in Jewish Action are those by Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky, whose “What’s the Truth about . . .” columns are always well presented.

I enjoyed his recent article “What’s the Truth about Counting a Minor with a Sefer Torah toward a Minyan?” and have a suggestion for why Rav Joseph Ber Soloveitchik recommended that a child counted in a minyan should hold a siddur. The Yerushalmi Berachot (7:2) and Bereishit Rabbah (91:3) referenced in note 5 state that there is a division of opinion between Rav Huna and Rav Yehudah as to what the Amora Mar Shmuel said. One said that the child must know the berachah well, and the other said that the child must know to Whom he is reciting the blessing.

The Rav may have wanted to fulfill the requirement of “knowing the berachah well” by giving the child a siddur.

One more point: Rabbi Zivotofsky’s articles should include a warning: “Do not read this article late at night.” I had so much fun looking up the sources that I stayed up until 4 am. Yasher koach, Rabbi Zivotofsky!

Yitzchak Gross Wynnewood, Pennsylvania

WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! To send a letter to Jewish Action, send an e-mail to ja@ou.org.

This magazine contains divrei Torah, and should therefore be disposed of respectfully by either doublewrapping prior to disposal, or placing in a recycling bin.

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JEWISH ACTION Spring 5782/2022

PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE

EARLY-CHILDHOOD PARENTING and LIFELONG RELIGIOUS GROWTH

By Mark (Moishe) Bane

O

ne of the greatest fears of Orthodox parents is that their child will reject Torah and abandon the community. Some take comfort in the notion that most children remain Orthodox if they are raised in pleasant and supportive Orthodox homes and schools, are not victims of physical or emotional abuse, and are not shamed or degraded due to an inability to meet academic expectations. Curiously, and perhaps by design, there is no reliable data regarding the percentages of Orthodox day school and yeshivah graduates who abandon observance. Thus, the fear may be valid.

Mark (Moishe) Bane is president of the OU and a senior partner and chairman of the Business Restructuring Department at the international law firm, Ropes & Gray LLP.

An additional, daunting risk that does not seem to frighten many Orthodox families is that a child will remain observant but fail to develop a deep and meaningful personal relationship with G-d. This eventuality is likely not that scary to those parents who themselves are content with a superficial Orthodox Judaism.

Other parents are not as concerned because raising a child with a shallow relationship with G-d is not noticeable to others and thus causes them no embarrassment. But our community is falling significantly short if we are content to produce observant Jews whose Judaism is bereft of an ongoing and growing connection to Hashem.

How sustainable is such an Orthodox community? And is that what Torah Judaism is all about? Religious leaders and community activists should find this phenomenon alarming, and the absence of vocal concern among many parents even more so.

Our educational system is exemplary in teaching children the nuts and bolts of Judaism, often including significant Torah study in its curriculum as well as the requisite training for proper halachic observance. Our schools, camps, shuls and youth groups also effectively integrate and socialize children into the Orthodox community.

But children learn how to love from their homes; it is family that models affection and the warmth of intimacy. These childhood lessons are the building blocks of happiness and

the tools for developing meaningful relationships and a fulfilling family life.

Undoubtedly, developing and sustaining loving, meaningful relationships as adults will require substantial and perpetual hard work.

But the likely success of such effort is greatly enhanced if the capacity to love and to be loved was developed through early childhood experiences.

Similarly, the capacity to develop a mature, personal connection with G-d is greatly affected by one’s early childhood experiences. While we enjoy the lifelong opportunity to develop a spiritual relationship through prayer, mitzvah observance, Torah study and chesed, the extent of our ability to absorb the spiritual energy generated by these efforts is influenced by the modeling and lessons we received in childhood. The love and warmth imparted by family are certainly key components of this preparation, but additional ingredients of religious readiness must also be provided by the home.

The obligation to perform mitzvos may begin upon becoming a bas or bar mitzvah. But the obligation of parents to ensure that mitzvah performance will be meaningful begins much earlier.

Early childhood as the springboard for spirituality Visiting a tzaddik, a young mother asked when she should begin to teach her child about Judaism. He inquired about the child’s age and she responded that the child was five years old. With a sense of urgency, the Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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tzaddik exclaimed, “You had better rush home for you have already lost five of the most consequential years.”

Though intertwined and overlapping, each stage of childhood presents a youngster with unique opportunities to grow and progress. During particular stages, however, certain behaviors and experiences have exceptionally significant lifelong implications. For example, teen and adult obesity can often be traced to unhealthy pre-teen diet and exercise habits, and student indifference or industriousness during certain decisive stages of schooling may be singularly determinative of future academic success.

While much attention is paid to early childhood physical and mental health as well as to primary academic and social skills, less focus is expended on cultivating a nascent loving relationship with G-d. This is unfortunate because the inculcation of religious perceptions and foundations during the toddler years through bas or bar mitzvah is critical to framing children’s lifelong receptivity to a relationship with Hashem.

Parents and grandparents often unthinkingly overlook the significance of early childhood religious experiences, or perhaps recognize their importance but feel unqualified to provide them.

In actuality, however, every parent possesses all the tools and skills needed to effectively groom young children for their impending religious journey.

Moreover, furnishing young children with a valuable religious orientation need not be time consuming. But although time, scholarship and skill are not required, thoughtfulness, attentiveness and love are imperative.

Why early childhood spiritual potential is commonly overlooked Vocabulary is the toolbox of comprehension and creativity. Increased language skills broaden the potential spectrum of our thoughts and provide access to otherwise elusive emotions and attitudes. Adults incapable of expressing sophisticated concepts are assumed to be incapable of truly comprehending them. Children, however, are different.

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A young child’s vocabulary may be limited but it is constantly expanding.

Unlike a sixty-year-old whose standard of articulation and comprehension has likely long been stagnant, a typical six-year-old’s perceptivity and creativity are constantly and rapidly advancing. An average six- eight- or ten-year-old stores observations, emotions and seemingly casual impressions, and then connects them to complex ideas and attitudes when later acquiring the requisite vocabulary and comprehension.

While complex ideas verbalized through unfamiliar words may swiftly fade, the impressions and feelings children draw from all that surrounds them eventually form the inceptive foundation of their worldview. Consequently, it is a grave mistake to interpret young children’s minimal capacity to articulate concepts and emotions as a limited capability to perceive and digest them. The child merely stores these concepts and emotions for future retrieval and integration.

Since latent childhood impressions carry significant future implications, parents have long been counseled that a loving and cheerful home is extremely impactful on children’s future well-being, including their ongoing sense of security and their capacity to develop and maintain healthy relationships. Similarly, thoughtfully planned early childhood religious experiences have a significant impact on children’s later sense of religious identity, and on their capacity to initiate and grow a personal relationship with G-d.

A preliminary list of parenting suggestions There can be no uniform protocol for providing young children with a foundation for future religious growth. Every family must explore and experiment, and even within the same family, each child is different. But there are general principles that might be considered.

1. Make G-d the good guy.

Parents may be tempted to fuse religion and discipline. That is a bad idea and introduces a corrupted perception of Hashem.

Hashem, of course, loves each of us, and we need to integrate that reality into our psyche. It is unrealistic to expect children to intrinsically feel Hashem’s love if their introduction to Him is that of a stern and judgmental disciplinarian.

Rather than suggesting to children that Hashem will be disappointed or upset if they neglect their homework or chores, children should repeatedly be told how happy Hashem is when they are enjoying a game or a treat.

And rather than admonish them for the sin of selfishness or disorderliness, emphasize the mitzvah of playing with friends and celebrating at their parties.

2. Demonstrate how much you treasure your own relationship with your child.

Many years ago in the middle of Kabbalas Shabbos, a fellow came over to criticize me as being a “mean father.”

He pointed to the boys sitting in the back of the shul with their chevra, while I required my young sons to sit next to me. I responded that I never

When parents exhibit deference to, and respect for, religious leadership, their children are being gifted a prism through which to see the grandeur and holiness of our religion.

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The Touro system is so welcoming, and they really want you to succeed. The faculty is amazing and are always available to ensure that you do well. Through my coursework and hands-on training, Touro is preparing me for my future career.

once asked my sons to sit with me in shul. He quizzically asked why then my sons were sitting with me, while so many others sat with their friends.

I suggested that he observe fathers walking home after shul. Fathers schmoozing with their own friends are conveying to their children that they enjoy their friends more than their children. Those children will inevitably reciprocate by preferring to spend their time with peers. On the other hand, fathers who elect to cheerfully schmooze with their children while walking home from shul are conveying that there is no one else they would prefer to be with. Those children will be eager to accompany their fathers, whether to shul or elsewhere.

Children, even toddlers, while being driven in a car or walking with parents, derive the same messages when observing their parents either preoccupied with devices, or alternatively, ignoring the ringing and beeps to chat with them.

Intellectually, we understand that Hashem loves us as our Tatteh in Himmel, Father in Heaven. But it remains a challenge to connect to Hashem, particularly in this era of hester panim, when Hashem’s presence is so veiled. And conceiving of Hashem actually loving each of us as individuals is even more elusive.

Fathoming Hashem’s love and care is far more accessible if we first experience love and care from a person—someone we can see, hear and feel. Even better is when such feelings and experiences are learned and relearned throughout childhood, particularly when they are received in the form of unconditional, absolute love from parents. Conversely, nothing imposes a greater barrier to children accepting the premise of G-d’s love than their own parents messaging that their parental love is conditional, or that the placement of their children’s needs and best interests on their list of priorities is tenuous.

3. For youngsters, Judaism should be the fun part.

Adults appreciate that even the most treasured aspects of life, such as pre14

JEWISH ACTION Spring 5782/2022

cious relationships and coveted roles, are bound to include ups and downs, joy and sorrow, merriment and seriousness.

Young children, by contrast, compartmentalize with little capacity to synthesize. Impressions and associations accumulated during early childhood are stark and unidimensional, and serve as the premise upon which more sophisticated adult perspectives are developed.

Early childhood impressions and associations regarding relationships, ideas and experiences are, therefore, far more consequential than merely being the primitive and fleeting views of young kids.

Life within a healthy family includes joviality and fun, as well as gravity and discipline. Parents, however, too often allow everyday religious rules and rituals to be restrictive and tiresome home experiences, while generating family excitement, fun and delight during periods of recreation and vacation. A child raised in this manner will inevitably associate serving Hashem and observing halachah as burdensome obligations that must be satisfied in order to turn to the fun stuff.

Religious experiences and halachic observance should be a young child’s most joyous and cherished memories.

Shabbos should be exciting and anticipated all week long, especially the family Shabbos table, which should be the high point of the week, permeated with excitement, kibitzing and fun.

Yom tov even more so. The exhilaration of building and decorating a sukkah, participating in a Seder and preparing costumes and delivering mishloach manos should be the stuff of epic family recollections.

Providing youngsters with this delightful home experience requires neither sophisticated Torah knowledge nor significant time. What is required is an upbeat attitude, thoughtful planning and parents’ own authentic joy, if not in the mitzvos being fulfilled, then at least in the glee of their children.

4. Demonstrate deference and respect for rabbinic leadership.

Rabbinic leadership serves as the face of Torah and Torah values. Adults distinguish between the rabbinate as an institution and individual rabbis

themselves. Consequently, some adults might not feel that they are degrading G-d’s holy Torah when critiquing a rabbi’s speech, a rabbinic policy position or even a rabbi’s personality or private life.

Young children, by contrast, do not yet distinguish between a communal office and its occupant. When a child overhears adults diminishing an individual rabbi, and even more so a group of rabbis, the impression conveyed is a dismissal of the sanctity of the Torah that rabbis represent.

Likewise, when a child observes parents speaking about religious leaders in a dismissive or frivolous manner at the Shabbos table, they conclude that religion is frivolous and may be dismissed. And by contrast, when parents exhibit deference to, and respect for, religious leadership, their children are being gifted a prism through which to see the grandeur and holiness of our religion.

There will be ample opportunity during adolescence and thereafter for children to learn of rabbinic fallibility, and of the variances among leaders’ capabilities and views. But the impression of young children regarding religious leadership fuses with their impression of the dignity and sanctity of Torah, and even extends to their impression of Hashem.

Though on occasion a parent may feel differently about a particular religious individual or decision, it behooves him to consistently convey to his children enormous respect for, and deference to, religious authority and religious leaders. Religious cynicism is always dangerous, but when inherited from elders through the undiscerning eyes and ears of early childhood, it is toxic and destructive.

We all thirst for a closer and more authentic personal relationship with Hashem. And we also strive to provide our children and grandchildren with all of the happiness, satisfaction and inspiration that life has to offer. The beauty of providing thoughtful religious experiences to our progeny during their early childhood is that by doing so we are increasing the likelihood of both.

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FROM THE DESK OF RABBI MOSHE HAUER

ACHRAYUT, THE ULTIMATE PASSION

H

ow do we develop an enduring passion for Judaism and Jewish life?

In 1905, Shraga Feivel Mendelovitch was studying in the yeshivah in Pressburg, Austria, founded a century earlier by the Chatam Sofer. The eighteen-year-old was aware of the challenges of assimilation and reform that were sweeping Europe, as the lure of enlightenment and the opportunities of emancipation captivated many Jews. He had also heard of how one man—a German rabbi named Samson Raphael Hirsch—had used his oratorical skills and his pen to engage young Jews in their faith in a way that neutralized those challenges. Rav Shraga Feivel proceeded to sell his shoes to procure some of the German-language writings that were Rav Hirsch’s tools of engagement. Those texts—along with the Rabbi Moshe Hauer is executive vice president of the Orthodox Union.

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JEWISH ACTION Spring 5782/2022

works of Rav Yehuda HaLevi and Rav Tzadok HaKohen, Rambam and Sefat Emet—would eventually become staples of Mr. Mendelovitch’s campaign to energize his American students’ engagement in Torah.

I heard this story from a student of his, Rabbi Dr. Aaron Siegman, z”l, who recalled with emotion how decades earlier Rav Shraga Feivel had shown him those books that he had purchased with the shoes off his feet, ba’avur na’alayim.1 Here was a man who was deeply concerned about the Jewish people and obsessed with the task of enhancing Jewish engagement, who would stop at nothing in search of a new method, a better approach, the next big chinuch idea.

Many bemoan what they observe as a widespread lack of passionate engagement in contemporary Orthodox Jewish life. They see this in the indifference displayed by students toward all things Jewish, educational, and beyond; in their pursuit of void-filling indulgences of all kinds; in masses of yeshivah graduates from all parts of the Orthodox spectrum who are visibly or emotionally dropping out; in the mechanical, robotic nature of the observance of their elders; and in the apparent dearth of individuals ready to dedicate their lives to Jewish education and communal work.

It is all true.

And it is far from the whole story.

It does not tell the story of the thousands of young men and women enthusiastically engaged in Torah and tefillah; of the schools, shuls and neighborhoods that are bursting

at the seams, forcing the constant establishment of more and more; of the inspired educators quenching the growing communal thirst for spirituality and a real awareness of Hashem in their lives, or of those widely sharing musar values and strategies of self-improvement; of the unending stream of innovative chesed enterprises engaging thousands of volunteers and addressing every kind of human need; of the explosion of Torah learning for both men and women in multiple forums, live and technology-based, including early morning pre-workday kollelim and massive distribution networks of inspiring Torah content; of the countless davening groups characterized either by intense and focused prayers or joyous singing and dancing; or of the dreamers, builders and funders developing every one of these initiatives.

A great window into these stories of engagement is the Orthodox Union’s Impact Accelerator. Initiated just four years ago, the OU Impact Accelerator was created to identify and advance— via education, mentorship and collaboration—promising Jewish nonprofits and their innovative leaders. This year’s process for choosing the four to six members of the Accelerator’s fourth cohort has attracted more than 150 applicant organizations, each representing another big idea to help Klal Yisrael. That is 150 active and energetic new entrepreneurs working creatively to infuse our community with spiritual and material strength and solutions to various challenges.

That is passion!

Your Yom Tov table isn’t fully set without

There is no thrill like giving, like making a difference to others.

All this is not to suggest even for a moment that we can sit back. What it underscores is that there is both stuff out there that works that we would do well to emulate, as well as an apparently inexhaustible entrepreneurial spirit that is serving Klal Yisrael and tackling the issue of passionate engagement. These are the contemporary efforts to mirror Rav Hirsch’s accomplishments; and while none can even begin to claim his depth or stature, they are making inroads on the issue. Each of us—each individual, family, institution and community—needs to join in Rav Shraga Feivel’s hunt for the tool that will take us and those around us to the next level of passionate Jewish engagement.

Rather than cast around for a particular program or idea that will touch our spiritual nerve and try to deliver inspiration to ourselves or our students as end users, let us focus on the foundational path that will truly grow and unleash the power and passion inherent in each of us, adult or child: the path of service to others.

“In those days, Moshe grew up and went out to care for his brothers….”2 Rashi notes how the previous verse had already spoken of Moshe growing up, but while the earlier reference was to his coming of age, here it speaks of his growth in responsibility. True growth, true greatness, comes when one follows in the path of Moshe and leaves the comfort and safety of his or her own “palace,” considering the situation of others and what he or she can do to ameliorate it.

In this vein, Rav Joseph Ber Soloveitchik was known to comment that the blessing we give a child at the brit, “zeh hakatan gadol yihyeh,” “this small one shall become great,” follows the Torah’s original introduction of “small” and “great.” The sun is described as the great luminary because it shares its light, while the moon is known as the small luminary because it only 18

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reflects the light of the sun.3 Similarly, the Talmud4 says that an adult who is dependent on his parents is called a katan, a minor or small one, while an independent child is called a gadol, great. Thus, suggested the Rav, our blessing is that the child should grow from his current state of dependence, of receiving from others, to become great by sharing his light and making a difference to others.

This is not only the path of greatness but also the essence of spirituality. As explained by Rav Shimon Shkop in his classic introduction to Sha’arei Yosher, the Torah commandment of holiness, “Kedoshim tihyu,” is fulfilled by our emulating G-d’s spirituality and directing our lives and efforts to the needs of others: Blessed is the Creator and exalted the Designer Who created us in His image and implanted within us eternity by making our strongest desire the granting of kindness to others . . . . G-d Himself created and designed everything only to do good to His creatures, and it was His will that we follow in His path, that we—His choice creations—always focus on dedicating our physical and spiritual energies for the benefit of others in fulfillment of the mitzvah of “Kedoshim tihyu,” “be holy.”

Yitgadal v’yitkadash, both greatness and spirituality, are achieved through giving. Looking to our children and community members as contributors and change-makers requires an adjustment of focus in our current period of material and spiritual prosperity when our inclination is not to have expectations of others but to provide for them.

And it is also the formula for achieving true joy. As Rambam taught at the end of his laws of Purim: It is preferable for a person to be more liberal with his donations to the poor than to be lavish in his preparation of the Purim feast or in sending portions to his friends, for there is no greater

and more splendid happiness than to gladden the hearts of the poor, the orphans, the widows and the converts.

One who brings happiness to the hearts of these individuals resembles the Divine Presence, Whom Isaiah (57:15) describes as having the tendency “to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive those with broken hearts.”

The material act of taking care of the needy and the lonely is the ultimate act of spirituality and creates the ultimate happiness, the greatest joy of Purim, the joy of emulating and experiencing the Divine. Given the choice between indulging as an end user or taking the opportunity to give and to share, the true joy-seeker knows what to choose.

There is no thrill like giving, like making a difference to others.

This is the vision of many of our Impact Accelerator applicants including After The School Bell, an initiative founded by a high school student, Leah Solomon, that recruits and matches high school students with elementary students who can use some academic help. Leah’s program already has eighty volunteer tutor-student partnerships and aims to reach 1,000 partnerships in five years. Leah understands the power and passion that is waiting in every one of our students, not as beneficiaries but as communal contributors and change-makers.

The opposite of passion is indifference, and indifference is exactly that: the feeling that nothing I do really makes a difference. We are most determined and motivated to act when we know and when we see that what we do matters.

Our faith tells us that every good thought, word or deed has significant impact, that the world is sustained by our Torah study and is redirected by our prayers, that our good deeds bring peace and plenty while the opposite could result in deprivation and tragedy.

Everything we do matters; everything we do makes a difference.

But we cannot see that, and oftentimes we cannot even sense it.

What we can see, what fuels our passion and grows us as people, is the difference we make in the lives of others.

This is a known formula that has been employed forever by effective

educators. Consider the example of NCSY. Besides providing teens with a strong social environment, engaging learning opportunities and spiritually uplifting prayer and song, a staple of the movement has been leadership development. Boards—local and national—are made up of the teens, who are also the architects and the salespeople for their best programs, many of which are called “leadership programs” of one form or another. It is profoundly motivating to engage in something with visible effect, something that matters. And while the term “leadership” carries a certain egotistical allure, there is an absolute genuineness to the uplifting and maturing experience of bearing responsibility.

Rav Itzele Volozhiner, in his introductory essay to the Nefesh HaChaim, authored by his father Rav Chaim of Volozhin, wrote the following:

“This is what he shared with us constantly: ‘This is what man is all about. He was not created for himself but rather to help others in whatever ways he can.’”

The Talmud tells the story5 of Rabbi Chiya who worked to ensure that Torah would never be forgotten. He assembled eleven students, and then, rather than teach them all together, he made a group of five and taught each of them one of the five books of the Torah, and a group of six and taught each of them one of the six orders of the Mishnah.

He then charged each of the students to share his learning with the others in his group. Rabbi Chiya understood that if he was to ensure the perpetuation of Torah, he could not simply create great students of Torah; he needed the students themselves to become teachers, shouldering the responsibility to perpetuate the Torah. Torah would not be perpetuated by end users, but by those whose connection to Judaism

National, non-profit initiative

included the mission of responsibility for the engagement of others.

If we seek to foster continuity and develop passionate engagement in Judaism and Jewish life, we must recognize and unleash the power within each of us to make a difference to all of us. We must develop opportunities for our students, children and parents to exercise the power of giving, to matter to others, to live their purpose, “for this is what man is all about. He was not created for himself but rather to help others in whatever ways he can.”

Just ask Leah Solomon.

Notes 1. Amos 2:6.

2. Shemot 2:11.

3. Bereishit 1:16.

4. Bava Metzia 12b.

5. Bava Metzia 85b.

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One’s inner circle and outside influences are not opposite points on a continuum. There are times when one finds himself in a place without peers and society’s values draw him in.

Other times, one may be with trusted friends who can help evaluate societal norms at a time when decisions are complex and layered. Rambam writes that one must be aware of which voices command his attention and determine his influencers. In a secular office setting, for example, we must ask ourselves whether it is our inner circle (our homes, our upbringing, our friends) or the workplace culture that determine our behavior. Do we, for example, refrain from using certain Finally, how can we be positive influlanguage at the office even though such encers in our own spheres? speech might be the norm among our While the word “influencer” may be colleagues? The challenge is that while new, the concept is not. Rambam, at the we may feel that our friends and family outset of the sixth chapter of Hilchot are the primary influencers, in reality Dei’ot, proclaims that “it is the nature it may be our culture that influences of man to follow in the thinking and how we dress, talk, think and act.1 the ways of his friends and colleagues, There are also psychological forces following the practice of the people of at play. The bandwagon effect suggests his land.” He warns that if one lives in a that people want to fit in, to feel valicountry where evil prevails, he should move to a place where the inhabitants are dated by being part of something bigger than themselves. Being part of righteous. Rambam continues: “Therea group seemingly has social currency, fore man must attach himself to righraising one’s value. In a very noisy teous people and dwell near sages at all

By Rebbetzin Dr. world, choosing to go with the group times in order to learn from their ways. can be a strategic heuristic, a valuAdina Shmidman And he must distance himself from the able mental shortcut. Is there a way to wicked who go in darkness, in order not maintain one’s voice? Solomon Asch, to learn from their ways.” He proceeds a famous researcher in the area of to quote two pesukim: “He who walks conformity, found that while people with the wise will become wise; he who hile not the word of the year, tend to conform easily, they are also walks with the foolish will be destroyed” the term “influencer” is a able to resist conformity when there is (Mishlei 13:20) and the opening verse of popular buzzword. Google Tehillim, “Happy is the man who has not a confederate planted in the group to Ngram Viewer, a statistical analysis support the individual person’s voice. followed the counsel of the wicked, nor of word usage over time, shows relaDiversity within a group allows for taken the path of sinners, nor joined the tively no change for the word “influence” self-expression with less risk.2 company of the insolent.” from 1990 through 2019 but a dramatic So what are the tools to assure that A close analysis of Rambam’s words jump in the use of the word “influencer.” leads us to conclude that there are two influence is used proactively in a posiAccording to influencermarketinghub. tive way? We must recognize and be forms of influence in a person’s life: one’s com, “an influencer has the power to inner circle and the external environment. mindful of the impact of peers and affect purchasing decisions of others community. It is important to think In the Orthodox world, for example, the because of his or her authority, knowlabout whom we want in our sphere choices we make with regard to our lifeedge, position or relationship with his of influence. Pirkei Avot (1:6) states: time partners and schools for our chilor her audience.” This person is seen “Aseh lecha rav, ukneh lecha chaver, dren are usually heavily influenced by not just as a voice of influence but as our inner circles. Oftentimes, our fashion vehevei dan et kol ha’adam l’kaf zechut, a “social relationship asset with which appoint for yourself a teacher, and choices and music styles, notwithbrands can collaborate.” As Orthodox acquire for yourself a companion and standing the Jewish labels and Jewish Jews, how do we view influencers? bands, are under the cultural influence of judge all men favorably.” This mishnah Furthermore, who are our influencers? our environment. uses action verbs (create and acquire) IN FOCUS

UNDER the INFLUENCE

W

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when instructing us to surround ourselves with good people. This is to teach us not just to wish for positive influencers, but to actively bring influencers into our lives, be they rabbis or friends. We must choose who influences us. When feeling the pressure of conformity, we must look for people who can support our stances.

Recognizing the spread of influence empowers the individual with greater reach and potential for impact.

James Fowler, a political scientist at the University of California, and Nicholas Christakis, a sociologist at Harvard University, discovered in a longitudinal study conducted over twenty years that spheres of influence radiate three degrees. In other words, your friend’s friend’s friend is impacted by your actions. Your actions, speech and stance carry further than the people you touch directly. Happy people tend to exude happiness. This exuded happiness is infectious and breeds happiness in others. In an interconnected world,

an initiative can go viral and impact the entire globe. The Shabbat Project, started by Rabbi Dr. Warren Goldstein, the chief rabbi of South Africa, began in 2013 and continues to spread each year, with each community infusing the initiative with its own unique character.

The Torat Imecha Nach Yomi Initiative is another example of social networks gathering momentum and energy around learning and connection.

Today we have social media and circles of connection as tools to impact and be impacted, to influence and be influenced. Capturing this potential allows us to harness the energy to transform ourselves and others. It is our responsibility for ourselves and our families to use these tools wisely. The capacity for spreading Torah is remarkable, providing us with influencers and role models. We can connect through initiatives and Torah projects, sharing ideas and values. Tzedakah projects go viral, social action initiatives spread and create change. But the same mediums

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come with risk of exposure to people whose messages are not Torah oriented.

It is our task to approach influence with intelligence and intention. We are not only choosing influencers but can influence others through our choices.

Recognizing the impact that each one of us has in our own social networks, as well as our communities, can redefine the power of influence rather than relegate influence to a select few.

Notes 1. For a more in-depth analysis of influence in Jewish thought, see Michtav MeEliyahu, volume 1, pp.153-57, and Matnat Chaim (Rabbi Matisyahu Salomon), pp. 292-95.

2. Asch, S. E. (1956), “Studies of independence and conformity: I. A minority of one against a unanimous majority,” Psychological Monographs: General and Applied, 70 (9), 1–70, https://doi. org/10.1037/h0093718.

Rebbetzin Dr. Adina Shmidman is director of the OU’s Women’s Initiative.

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HEALTH & WELLNESS

Unplugging the

Digital Generation: How tech is affecting our kids and what we are doing about it

By Rachel Schwartzberg

“No one is ever really listening to anyone.”

T

hat’s how Penina (not her real name), a seventeen-year-old yeshivah high school junior from the Midwest characterizes in-person relationships among the teens she knows.

“We all spend too much time on our phones,” says Penina. “When we’re hanging out in person, we’re on

Rachel Schwartzberg is a writer and editor, who lives with her family in Memphis, Tennessee.

our phones. At events, we’re on our phones. We have no idea how to spend time together. And if you point out to someone that they’re looking at their phone when you’re talking to them, they get all defensive about it.”

Her friends are mostly busy with social media, Penina says. While she uses Snapchat and TikTok, she spends the most time on Instagram. “I use it to see what my friends post—what people are doing, where they are going—and for shopping,” she explains.

Not only does social media take up all their free time, it often makes her friends feel badly about themselves too. “A lot of girls feel insecure because of Instagram,” says Penina. “They constantly compare themselves to what they see.” She adds that many of her friends post pictures on social media so they’ll be seen in a certain way, even

if it’s not how they would dress or act in real life—which intensifies insecurities all around.

Lynn Kraft, a teacher at Ida Crown Jewish Academy in Skokie, Illinois, agrees that high schoolers are consumed with social media. “They’re aware now that it’s not healthy—which wasn’t the case just a few years ago—and they know some of the negative impacts. But that awareness is not necessarily helping them curb their usage.”

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, children today are spending an average of seven hours a day on entertainment media, including televisions, computers, phones and other electronic devices. Insecurities prompted by social media are just one of the many issues related to technology use and its impact on children’s development and overall well-being. On Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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social media, there is also a tendency to be self-promotional and to highlight negativity and cynicism—traits that can be harmful to one’s spiritual growth.

While parents and schools may feel like they are constantly reacting to the latest devices, apps and platforms, leaders are advocating and offering proactive solutions. Within the Orthodox community, several initiatives have been launched to tackle the challenge head-on. Taking different approaches, they aim to help schools educate children, support overwhelmed parents and even empower young people themselves to make healthy digital choices.

has worked with more than 300 Jewish schools and organizations across North America in various capacities.

He offers a full curriculum, teacher training and parent programs “to teach digital responsibility in an age of technology.” He also offers consulting to schools to help administrators and boards of directors “craft policies that make sense for their community.” Shapiro, a New York–based clinical social worker with a doctorate in education, created the curriculum and programming with the help of Temima Feldman, the current head of school at the Rabbi Arthur Schneier Park East Day School in Manhattan.

“Our goal is to train kids to maximize

We’ve spoken to hundreds of moms, across the gamut of the community.

Ten out of ten said they wish they had pushed off getting their kids their own devices. If not for the pressure, they would have been happy not to give their child a phone.

Digital Responsibility what technology has to offer and avoid Rabbi Eli Samber, head of school at its inherent challenges,” says Shapiro.

Arie Crown Hebrew Day School in “Our project promotes thoughtful and Chicago, has noticed a clear shift in deliberate discussion.” the attitude of parents toward techTo Rabbi Samber, The Digital Citinology over his seventeen years in zenship Project was a perfect fit for his school leadership roles. “When I school. “We don’t believe technology started, parents were saying, ‘Come on, is evil,” he explains, “but we’re acutely it’s not so bad, it’s just the next invenaware of its potential dangers.” Because tion,’” he recalls. “Eventually, I started Shapiro’s expertise is in Orthodox hearing from parents, ‘This is really schools, “he understands where we scary.’ Parents don’t know what to do, are coming from. He was able to share and they’re turning to the school for what worked elsewhere and advise us guidance.” To address the issue, Arie on how to accomplish our goals.”

Crown introduced The Digital CitizenShapiro stresses that his work is dataship Project, a program that aims to driven and rooted in research. “We educate communities about the norms deliberately made a program with no of responsible and healthy behavior hashkafic bent,” he says. “Whether with regard to technology use. schools embrace technology or miniSince founding The Digital Citizenmize it—our basic truths are the same. ship Project in 2014, Dr. Eli Shapiro They can add hashkafah if they choose.”

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The curriculum’s ten modules explore topics such as impulsivity, disinhibition and cyberbullying. “The lessons focus on fundamental skills,” Shapiro explains.

“Even as technology changes and evolves, these concepts will remain relevant.”

To encourage children to engage in conversation with their parents, The Digital Citizenship Project includes a “Go Dark for Dinner” challenge in which children can earn prizes when the family has meals without technology at the table. “This idea was actually suggested by one of my own kids,” says Shapiro, a father of four.

“We implemented it in our house and saw how it created a totally different dynamic within the household.”

The Digital Citizenship Project’s strategy is based on a partnership between schools, parents and the students themselves. However, the approach hinges on schools adopting the curriculum and starting the dialogue. “Ultimately, the responsibility [of children’s use of technology] falls on parents,” explains Shapiro.

“But schools play a more prominent role in family life these days. Parents may be unaware of things that are going on, whereas schools can see a broader picture.”

To move the needle in this area, “it takes a comprehensive and systemic approach,” he says. “We need to educate parents, and we need to educate kids to make healthy decisions on their own.”

Technology and Mental Health Over the past twenty years, concerns about the impact of technology on children have evolved in a dramatic way. “Back when I started working on this in the mid-2000s, the only conversation was the content of the Internet,” recalls Shapiro. “No one was talking about the broader impact of these new media on children’s functioning.”

Now, research points to significant social-emotional issues related to technology usage among children and teens.

Between 2009 and 2017, as personal devices became mainstream, rates of depression in young people rose alarmingly, according to a study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology.

Continued on page 28

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A View from Middle School

By Rachel Schwartzberg

Sarah’s* favorite topic of conversation is why she needs a smartphone.

The sixth grader attends a yeshivah day school in Massachusetts, where, she says, “my closest friends all have their own phones.” She doesn’t know what her friends are texting each other about, but she knows she is missing out. Her mother Miriam* says that Sarah brings up the subject on a near-daily basis.

“I think my mom would give in, but it’s my dad who won’t get me a phone,” Sarah explains. “I’m the oldest, and they’d rather not deal with it yet.” She admits that her parents may have other reasons for their decision. “Maybe they want to protect me because there are all those studies about what social media does to kids.” She is quick to point out, however, that her friends primarily use Snapchat, WhatsApp, FaceTime, texting and calling— 26

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and playing games. They’re using phones for “communication,” she says, “not for social media.”

For now, Sarah has a Chromebook and often uses her mother’s iPad, with limits from her parents on the time she can spend on devices. “I get an hour and a half a day, during certain hours,” she says. She adds that most kids she knows who have their own phones also have screen time limits set by their parents.

Only one friend has free access to her phone. “Honestly, she is really annoying with it,” Sarah says. “She came for a sleepover and spent all her time on her phone.”

Middle schoolers at Sarah’s school aren’t allowed to use their devices during the day. “But kids bring them to school,” she says. “That’s how they make plans or know how they’re getting home.” Students who live farther from school got phones at a

younger age, and many also bring iPads and Kindles to school, Sarah notes. “They need something to do on the long bus ride.”

It’s so common for kids to carry devices that even the staff at school assumes every kid has a phone.

“I once needed to reach my mom and I came into the office and they said, ‘Can’t you just call her?’” Sarah recalls.

For her part, Miriam doesn’t see a real need for her daughter to have her own phone yet. “Sarah isn’t alone or unsupervised very often,” she says. “I just don’t feel it’s necessary.”

Nevertheless, Sarah isn’t prepared to drop the conversation anytime soon. “Parents get their kids a phone because they need it,” she says. “As more kids get a phone, it’s going to be harder and harder to be the one who doesn’t have one.” * Names have been changed.

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In mid-September of 2021, the Wall Street Journal published an exposé demonstrating that Facebook has long known its Instagram platform is “toxic” for teen girls. Internal documents from the company showed that 32 percent of teen girls said that when they feel bad about their bodies, Instagram makes them feel worse. A Senate hearing followed, and the issue is of concern on both sides of the partisan divide.

Last year, a Pew research study showed that 71 percent of parents worry their kids spend too much time on screens—and that data was gathered before the global pandemic.

At Arie Crown, efforts to address technology usage ground to a halt

Additionally, Rabbi Samber reports, the pandemic created the idea in children’s minds that going to school is optional. “We’ve seen a lot more school resistance,” he says. Some children now perceive school as interfering with their online activities. With the need more apparent than ever, Rabbi Samber is working hard to restart The Digital Citizenship Project at Arie Crown.

“But Everyone Has One” Alongside the efforts of the school administration, Arie Crown parents have implemented a program known as Mothers Unite to Stall Technology (M.U.S.T.). A grassroots program, M.U.S.T. aims to unify parents to post-

One group of parents may agree, for example, not to give their kids a device at all that year, while another may settle on guidelines like no technology on playdates, or a specific “bedtime” for devices so kids don’t stay up late. “There are endless options for parents to agree on.” when the pandemic began in 2020.

“We had to hit a pause button,” says Rabbi Samber. “We had been working on getting children off screens, and now we were throwing them on Zoom.

It was counterproductive to address technology at that time.”

To Rabbi Samber, the pandemic highlighted the issues related to children’s overuse of technology. “Children must learn the art of social skills and healthy engagement with peers and adults,” he says. “Most children pick up on these things at school. It’s clear these important skills have taken a hit over the past two years.” He sees some kids struggling to focus with the normal distractions inherent in being in a classroom with a group of children.

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pone the age at which children are allowed to own smart devices, and to combat peer pressure related to technology usage in Jewish schools. The program trains “parent ambassadors” to spearhead discussions with the other parents of their child’s classmates. Ultimately, the group of parents agree on a pact that outlines standards around technology use for the children in the class—which is then reassessed at regular intervals.

“The notion of ‘stalling’ is super important to us,” explains Nechy Eisenstadt, who founded M.U.S.T. with Michal Klerer five years ago. “We don’t dream that we will stop, or never take part in, technology. We’re just trying to put it off while our kids learn vital

skills of communication and forming relationships.”

Eisenstadt, a creative arts therapist, and Klerer, a social worker, both live in Brooklyn and spend their summers in the same bungalow colony in upstate New York. As mothers of children spanning different ages and stages, they experienced firsthand the frustration many parents feel when their children start asking for their own phone.

They realized that the peer pressure among classmates was causing a snowball effect regarding children receiving their own devices. “We’ve spoken to hundreds of moms, across the gamut of the community,” says Klerer. “Ten out of ten said they wish they had pushed off getting their kids their own devices.

If not for the pressure, they would have been happy not to give their child a phone.” Although a large percentage of the calls they receive are from worried parents of seventh graders, the two women say their program works best for children in younger grades.

“Preventively, it’s easier to implement shared norms before the kids start coming home talking about what ‘all the other kids have,’” explains Klerer.

Perhaps because of her experiences with high school students, Lynn Kraft has been concerned about her children and technology “almost since they were born,” she says with a laugh. She volunteers as a M.U.S.T. parent ambassador for her son’s fifth grade class in Arie Crown. She has found that most parents are on board with the initiative. “They’re definitely interested in working together,” she says, “although some parents are simply opposed to being told what to do with their technology choices.” Eisenstadt highlights that M.U.S.T. does not address families’ technology usage. “We only address personal devices for kids,” she says.

“It’s a whole different ball game when young people have their own.”

Kraft appreciates that the program is designed to find a common ground for parents that isn’t overwhelming. “The conversation is about these kids, at this age and this stage,” she explains. “It’s one year at a time.”

Because the discussions are so specific to the cohort, Klerer and

• Don’t wait until middle school to consider your child’s interactions with screens. “We view this as a teen issue,” says Dr. Eli Shapiro, director of The Digital Citizenship Project. “But we also need to be concerned about younger kids (ages 0-5) in their formative years, when technology may imprint on their brain development. For example, years ago a mother would hug her toddler when he was getting a shot. Now Mom gives her child a screen. When we were in pain, we learned that our parents made us feel better; now kids are learning that the device is there to distract them from their feelings.”

• Model responsible technology use. “Today’s parents are the first generation who grew up with technology at their fingertips,” says Rabbi Eli Samber, head of school at Arie Crown Hebrew Day School in Chicago. “Many are so connected to their devices that it’s unhealthy. To have a fighting chance to learn responsible usage, kids need role models.”

• Know your child. “Some children will face greater challenges in this area,” says Shapiro.

“For example, social anxiety is a huge predictor of unhealthy use of technology.” As parents, our approach should be tailored to each child uniquely.

What Can Parents Do? The experts weigh in with some suggestions for parents concerned about the impact of technology on their children’s social-emotional development:

• Not all screen time is created equal. Making blanket rules about “screen time” may not be helpful. “Screen time can be consumptive, like watching Netflix, or creative, like editing videos or coding, and qualitatively they are completely different,” says Shapiro. “We owe it to our kids to take a more sophisticated approach.”

• Understand the apps. “Different social platforms and games have different impacts,” says Shapiro.

Kids may want to be where their friends are, but consider the nuances of the various options, and make strategic decisions about what your child has access to.

• Don’t put complete faith in Internet filters. “We did research into the effectiveness of Internet filters,” says Shapiro. “They’re simply not enough on their own. Children need education, and parents need to speak with their kids. These tools combined are much more effective.”

• Embrace silence. “We’ve become accustomed to filling our lives with noise and stimulation,” says Faigie Zelcer, founder of Penimi. “When you can be comfortable skipping the music, podcast or phone call when you’re with your children, you create an opportunity for connection.”

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Eisenstadt stress that pacts somehis wife, a social worker, allowed their Zelcer, who taught for many years in girls high schools in Montreal, origitimes look very different even for two children to watch certain cartoons on nally created Penimi in 2013 to teach parallel classes at the same school.

PBS Kids or Netflix. “But technology concepts of tzeniut; at the request of One group of parents may agree, for today is designed not to be put down,” rabbinic leaders, she later added a example, not to give their kids a device he says. “We saw our kids living from technology curriculum as well, which at all that year, while another may moment to moment on what they’d is currently used in 260 schools and settle on guidelines like no technology watch. They were being hypnotized by communities worldwide. on playdates or a specific “bedtime” the devices.”

“Teens are not going to be in school for devices. “There are endless options Several years ago, the couple decided forever,” says Zelcer. “And inevitably for parents to agree on,” says Klerer, to “cut the cord” for themselves first. they are going to be using technology noting that parents of girls tend to be “One day I found the kids fighting over in one way or another. We need to give more concerned with online chats and the computer, and I said, ‘No more!’” them the tools to cope with that. And social media, while parents of boys says Zviya. “The kids were not happy it’s not only about installing a filter,” focus more on gaming. Regardless, about this at all.” she says, “it’s about knowing how to “every month that kids aren’t focused The Loitermans are glad they handle the changing values in today’s on their screens, they are maturing.” addressed their family’s technology world. Privacy, she says, is no longer “I definitely think M.U.S.T. compels habits when their children were still viewed as desirable or even important. parents to think about the situation,” relatively young. “We saw a huge “Privacy used to be an obvious value. maintains Kraft. “It allows parents to change in the kids right away,” says A date night used to be private and clarify their own values and discuss Zviya. “They started playing with each special.

Today, people will go on a date communal values.” Indeed, the imporother. They started reading and going night just for the sake of sharing the tance of M.U.S.T. played out for Kraft outside with their friends.” photos online.” when her child’s classmates started Simcha believes schools can and Having students reflect on the playing a certain online game. “We saw should make rules around technology benefits of privacy, the Penimi curricit was getting addictive, and we were use—which teens may even come to ulum might include questions such concerned,” she recalls. “As parents, appreciate. But parents need to recogas: “What does it do to you when you we all agreed together that this was nize the key role they themselves play. livestream significant moments so that not a great idea. Each of us was able to “We’re so used to outsourcing,” he says. instead of becoming an agent of your confidently say to our child, ‘No, not “We underestimate our ability to influlife, you become an observer?” everyone is doing this.’” ence our kids.”

Getting teens to think long and M.U.S.T. has made its way into By being mindful and setting clear hard about the various ways techschools across the spectrum of Orthoparameters around the use of devices nology might be affecting not only doxy, throughout North America and at home, the Loitermans hope their their behavior but also their thought even in Europe. Klerer stresses that children learn that technology can be a processes is central to the curriculum, the program’s success lies in the fact helpful tool—as long as one remains in which covers topics such as silence, that it is parent-led; she and Eisencontrol of it. “Whether it’s social media, friendship and happiness, among other stadt decline to work directly with entertainment apps, or even just online values—all elements, explains Zelcer, schools. “Parents give devices to kids shopping, technology can take on a life of “cultivating an inner life.” but expect the schools to make rules of its own—it’s easy to fall down the A Penimi-trained teacher exploring and enforce them,” she says. “It’s not rabbit hole,” Simcha says. “We’re trying the value of silence and developing a reasonable. Based on our experience, to teach our kids healthy boundaries.” rich inner life might ask: “How does schools cannot be involved. Parents are Empowering Teens creating an online persona affect your the last stop.”

Instilling in teens core Torah values identity and your sense of self?” In “When it comes to technology, we throw to cope with the challenges of living the lesson on friendship, the Penimi our hands up and feel helpless,” adds in the digital age is the focus of curriculum, which is highly interactive Eisenstadt. “We think, ‘It’s 2022, and it’s Penimi, an international educational with class games, activities to spark here to stay.’ But when parents are united, program. Based on sifrei Maharal, discussions, video clips and journal there’s so much we can accomplish.”

Derech Hashem, Sefat Emet and assignments, includes a story about a Cutting the Cord other machshavah sources, Penimi, young woman who invited all 700 of Simcha and Zviya Loiterman of Kew which means “my essence,” aims to her Facebook friends to a party. Only Gardens Hills in Queens, New York, have students focus on developing seventeen “friends” replied and only weren’t willing to simply accept how their inner selves so that they can one friend showed up. The section technology was affecting their four make good choices “with a clarity concludes with the question: “What do children, who range in age from seven and a confidence,” says Faigie Zelcer, we want our friendships to look like?” to fifteen. “We grew up with TV,” Penimi’s founder. “That’s the essential Penimi, which offers teacher training as well as adult education, is currently explains Simcha, a teacher. He and point of the program.”

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We’re so used to outsourcing.

We underestimate our ability to influence our kids.

a member of the third cohort of the and options to meet the needs of the OU Impact Accelerator, a program that students in a classroom.” Each topic ends with a “Tech Task” challenge for identifies promising Jewish nonprofits the students to try, such as forgoing and advances their causes through a specific digital convenience for education, mentorship and collaboratwo weeks. “I hear from them how tion. Zelcer hopes her participation in impactful these exercises are, and they the Impact Accelerator will enable her to expand the program to more schools come back after high school and tell me how our conversations affected and create a curriculum for boys their decisions.” Sussman appreciates schools as well. “Penimi encourages that Penimi creates an atmosphere students to make their own informed “where these topics can be discussed in decisions about their use of techa way that’s non-judgmental—which is nology,” says Jenna Beltser, founding so important with this age group.” director of the OU Impact Accelerator.

Although there’s no “magic pill” to “The organization’s multi-pronged make the problems of technology go approach, which includes empowering away, says Shapiro, he believes that students, focuses on decision-making schools and parents can work together to and knowledge rather than forcing give children the tools they need to navistudents down a particular path.” gate the reality of their digital lives and Esti Sussman, a school counselor at emerge as healthy, functioning adults.

Bais Yaakov of Detroit, has seen firstThese lessons are especially important hand that Penimi’s approach works. since children today don’t know what life She has been teaching the curriculum, within the context of a life skills course, was like before everyone had constant access to a smartphone. “We need to to twelfth graders for about five years. remember that they have no barometer “The curriculum is very engaging for to measure against,” he says. “We can’t students,” she says. “There are videos, blame the kids. It’s our job to teach them.” cartoons, articles—lots of great ideas

In the end, children and even teens may be more open to having conversations around their use of technology than their parents and teachers suspect.

Penina feels that parents could do a better job keeping up with their kids’ online behavior. And high schools should feel more confident making and enforcing rules on when and how students can use their phones. “I think if they talked about it more openly with us, we’d be more equipped on our own to handle all the stuff that comes up,” she says.

And as their awareness of the challenges of technology grows, young people may be ready to listen.

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What you can do to raise resilient children 32 JEWISH ACTION Spring Spring5782/2022 5782/2022

Resilience is the new buzzword among parents.

Parents are constantly being told to do their best to raise children who have grit, the ability to cope with setbacks and a positive “I-can-do-it” attitude. The question is, how?

In the pages ahead, parenting experts, including Dr. David Pelcovitz, the well-known psychologist and author of Balanced Parenting, and Rabbi Leib Kelemen, a prominent lecturer, teacher and author of the parenting guide To Kindle a Soul, weigh in on this important topic.

COVER STORY

By Zahava Farbman As told to Steve Lipman The pandemic definitely played and continues to play a large role in the mental health of our children. We’re going to be seeing the effects of the pandemic—residual stress and fear—for a while. Educators and school administrators witnessed this when children returned to school with pent-up emotions after months of isolation— many children were behaving in ways they did not prior to the pandemic.

But how children handled the pandemic came down to one thing: the environment in the home. The ways in which a family dealt with the stress during those difficult months had a lasting impression on the children.

Some families dealt with the pandemic with a lot of tension and negativity, others with positivity and gratitude. I

“Do as I say, not as I do” simply does not work today. know parents who were able to provide an environment of calmness, without stress, where a child felt safe. During the months of isolation, there were parents who were persistent in getting the kids to complete their schoolwork, yet also made time for them to share what they were feeling. There was room in the schedule for bonding and fun activities, such as family games, projects or camping out in the backyard. If there were fears, these parents allowed their children to express them, but fear did not take over the day; it wasn’t the focus.

I saw many families who worked hard to achieve this kind of atmosphere—with parents focused on their children, on their faith and on thanking G-d that they were together.

That’s what these kids will remember post-corona, and it is how they will deal with the next crisis in their lives.

In families, however, where the general tension level was high prior to the pandemic, or where there were marital conflicts or significant financial or other pressures, stress levels tended to be extremely high when the pandemic was added to the mix.

All of us want to raise mentally strong individuals who possess coping mechanisms and who don’t crumble in the face of the crisis. So what can parents do?

Model calmness. Emphasize positivity and gratitude. Give children a gratitude book in which they can write down all Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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that they are grateful for. Turn to our mesorah—the number one focus should be that everything comes from Hashem, even though we may not understand it and we may not like it. And ask Hashem to grant you more emunah.

Veteran trauma expert Zahava Farbman, a resident of Woodmere, Long Island, serves as associate director of crisis intervention, trauma and bereavement services at Chai Lifeline’s Project Chai.

Steve Lipman is a frequent contributor to Jewish Action.

By Dr. Meir Wikler Parents today are unanimous in wanting their children to grow up to be mentally healthy, successful adults with good middos. Where there is considerable disparity of opinion, however, is regarding the best strategies to achieve that goal.

Some parents prefer to use carrots to encourage good behavior, for example.

Others rely on sticks to enforce rules and set limits. The one approach that has proven to be the most effective is the strategy that is often the least-considered by many parents: to teach by setting the proper example.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch, zt”l, is said to have asked—what is the most critical skill that children must learn in order to succeed in life? He explained that children must learn how to walk upright on two feet. Crawling on all fours just won’t get anyone very far. How then do children learn this more effective method of mobility? Do parents sit their children down and lecture them on the benefits of walking over crawling? Do they implement a reward system to encourage them?

Certainly not! Instead, they simply walk back and forth as their children observe and eventually imitate the strides of their parents. If parents want a foolproof strategy for inculcating 34

JEWISH ACTION Spring 5782/2022

appropriate behavior, good middos and Torah values in their children, they should seriously consider trying to set a good example. “Do as I say, not as I do” simply does not work.

Conversely, the one thing parents sometimes do that is the most detrimental to the emotional well-being of their children is quarreling, or even worse, quarreling in front of their children. Some parents feel there is nothing wrong with criticizing each other within earshot of their children. They believe children need to learn to accept conflict as a natural component of family life. In their view, exposing children to conflict between their parents is healthy and enables children to learn necessary social skills. That may be true as long as the parents disagree in a civil manner, demonstrating mutual respect. When parents disparage, attack or insult each other, however, the rancor reverberates in the minds of their children, sometimes causing irreparable damage. More specifically, children exposed to open hostilities between their parents may suffer from a host of mental health issues, such as social withdrawal, anxiety and depression.

And the longer the exposure, the more serious the damage can be.

Self-righteous parents may even believe they are benefiting their children by openly confronting their irrational, misguided or misinformed spouse. In other words, the children should know how truly wrong the other spouse is. In reality, however, such parents are robbing their children of the sense of security that all chil-

dren need in order to grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.

A dayan in Lakewood shared that he comes in contact with many lawyers, both Jewish and otherwise.

A non-Jewish lawyer who is a former marine and an Iraqi War veteran once made the following self-disclosure to the dayan: “During my tour of duty in Iraq, I was shot and wounded. I witnessed buddies of mine die in front of me. And I even had to kill people.

In spite of all that, the experience that traumatized me the most in my life was when I was lying in bed at night as a young child hearing my parents fight with each other.”

Occasional feelings of resentment toward your spouse are inevitable in any marriage. If they are expressed behind closed doors, however, you can spare your children untold suffering that can last a lifetime.

Dr. Meir Wikler is an author, psychotherapist and family counselor in full-time private practice with offices in Brooklyn, New York and Lakewood, New Jersey.

By Dr. Rona Novick As told to Sandy Eller Realizing that our children learn so much more from our actions than our words is a daunting prospect, one that places an extra burden of responsibility on

There is no better way to raise grateful children than by letting them see you expressing gratitude for the people, objects and experiences that bring you joy.

our collective shoulders. Our children watch us 24/7, so if we say one thing and do another, we have proven ourselves to be hypocritical. Under those circumstances, they have no reason to trust us, for if we don’t follow the rules, why should they?

The flip side of that coin is our ability to model good behavior. So much of the good that we do—like writing tzedakah checks or calling a sick friend—is done when our children are asleep or in school. Be a positive role model by asking your child to accompany you when you bring food to someone who just had a baby, or to sort through the mail with you to help you decide which organizations are the best recipients of your tzedakah dollars.

We can also model resilience by showing our children how we react to the circumstances of our lives, both good and bad. Turn difficult moments into teaching opportunities by showing your children how you face your own struggles, so that they can take those lessons to heart. If your car breaks down, share your thought processes with them so they can see you working through the disappointment and annoyance of arranging transportation and repairs, transforming what seemed like a major issue into just another bump on the road of life.

Similarly, if you achieved less-thanstellar results when you tried painting the den yourself, let them hear you say that instead of getting angry you will go out and get more paint so you can try again tomorrow when you are feeling refreshed. Talking things out in front of your children is a great way to show them how you deal with those less-than-perfect moments and also demonstrates that things don’t always go the way you want but we can still find ways to make them work.

Rona Novick, PhD, is the dean of the Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education and Administration at Yeshiva University.

Sandy Eller is a writer for numerous websites, newspapers, magazines and private clients.

By Faye Wilbur As told to Leah R. Lightman Torah Jews start the day by reciting the Modeh Ani prayer, thanking Hashem for the simple fact that we woke up. It would be more grammatically correct to say “Ani modeh.” Yet we commence with “thank you” in order to become habituated to having gratitude.

Gratitude is a skill that needs to be introduced and nurtured. Parents can begin teaching this skill to their children at a young age. The more we help our children cultivate an attitude of gratitude, the more positive they will be about life. Studies show that children who possess the trait of gratitude tend to be happier and more optimistic; they report more satisfaction with school, friends, themselves and life in general, as children and later as adults.

Continued on page 39

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By Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt

W

hen children break their legs or arms, it is usually what is known as a greenstick fracture. Their bones do not snap; rather, they bend.

This is paralleled emotionally.

Children are resilient, much more resilient than we adults are, if we would but give them credit for being so. They pick themselves up, brush themselves off and get on with life. They cry—and move on. They are upset and promptly forget what they were upset about, as though it never happened.

During the shivah for my late wife, I recall speaking to my son who was five at the time. I was concerned that he was not talking much about his mother. He was just getting on with life. Surely he was in denial?

Here was our conversation: “How are you doing, Elkana?”

“Fine, Abba.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Abba.”

“Do you miss Ima?” “No, Abba.”

Long pause while I think how to get out of him that he must be very sad. . . . Okay, let’s try this one: “Well, I’m very sad, Elkana, because I certainly miss Ima.” “We have some videos of her Abba.

Why don’t you just watch them?”

Okay, okay, shown up by a five-year-old. . . .

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I came to the conclusion early on in our mourning process that kids forget and move on—as long as we don’t keep reminding them. My aim, in our home, was to find a balance. A love for Ima, a respect for Ima and most important of all, gratitude to Ima. All unnegotiable.

Missing Ima—if you wish, you can join me in that. Pain that she’s gone—if you wish, you can join me in that too and we can cry together.

Lostness, hopelessness, self-pity— unhelpful and we’re not going there.

Above all, I wanted to try to create a lighthearted feeling in the home.

Life is good. The future is in front of us. We have so much to look forward to. Pain happens in life, challenge happens in life—there is no need to feel sorry for ourselves about that.

I learned for myself that when someone is alive, we have so many ways to love that person—spending time together, smiling at her, sharing a precious moment, a conversation.

When that person is gone, all of those avenues of love get channeled into a single high road, the motorway of love—and that is pain.

The pain of loss is the realignment of love. And personally, the three times I have lost someone precious in my life, I have welcomed that pain. And as time has gone on, it has settled and found its right and rightful place in my heart. If it were to go

entirely, my connection to the person would be gone. And so, I embrace it. I am grateful for it . . . and to it.

With children, the challenge is the opposite. They don’t need help forgetting and moving on. They don’t need help allowing the pain to abate. If we are to help them—and sometimes we do better letting them find their own way—the help they might need is in how to remember, not how to forget.

I recall a client once telling me she thought her five-year-old was traumatized after being bitten by a dog.

“A five-year-old traumatized?”

I asked. “How so?”

She told me the conversation she had with her daughter two weeks after the dog bite.

“Hi, Ruchi, are you feeling okay today?”

“Fine, Mommy.”

“Anything on your mind?”

“No, Mommy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Mommy.”

“Anything worrying you?”

“No, Mommy.”

“Are you worried about dogs?”

“No, Mommy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Should I be, Mommy?”

“Maybe?”

“Well, maybe I am then . . . .”

In our desire to help, we parents can sometimes, innocently, be so unhelpful.

I believe the role of parents during trauma is to nurture and support the natural resilience of their children. Hashem is their true support. We just need to step out of the way and allow Him to do His incredible job of healing.

Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt is the director of Better World Charity in England. He is also the author of Why Bad Things DON’T Happen to Good People (New York, 2016), a semi autobiographical book about understanding and facing challenging times. He recently published Mean What You Pray (New York, 2022), aimed at helping people pray the Amidah with more feeling.

Continued from page 36

Grateful parents tend to raise grateful children. Practically speaking, parents can create an environment of gratitude by modeling a vocabulary of gratitude and by actively looking for opportunities to express gratitude.

The possibilities for teachable moments are unlimited. A child comes home from school and his parent might ask him to talk about something nice that happened that day.

When lighting Shabbos candles, a mother could tell her children that she is using this time to thank Hashem for her spouse, children, parents and others. Walking with children on a sunny day, a father might say, “Thank you Hashem for giving us this beautiful day so we can enjoy walking outdoors.” Keeping a gratitude box or journal is another great way to develop a gratitude mindset.

Fostering gratitude in today’s children, who live in an era of great expectations, is admittedly challenging. Parents can consciously choose to set an example by differentiating between needs and wants. A “need” is something you must have for survival, such as water, food and shelter. A “want” is something you would like to have but can live without, such as tennis lessons. When children hear their parents say they need a larger house, it leads them to believe they need what their classmates have. Having unmet needs can lead to negative thoughts, a low self-image and a worldview of dissatisfaction. On the other hand, a parent saying it would be nice to have a larger house but we are fortunate that we have room for everyone, live in a nice area and have friends and family nearby exemplifies gratitude.

For a lesson in this area, take your child to a grocery store or pharmacy. We need toothpaste. But we want sparkly nail polish. Also talk to your children about needs that can be met without money. Does your child need a hug? To be tucked into bed at night? To know that Daddy and Mommy daven for him or her?

Cultivating an “attitude of gratitude” in children provides them with a foundation for other valuable traits, such as resilience, and leads them and their parents on a road to greater happiness.

Faye Wilbur, LCSW-R, is director of community relations for Mishkon, a division of The Jewish Board. She is a licensed clinical social worker and therapist with extensive post-master’s training with a particular focus on trauma. Ms. Wilbur maintains a private practice in Brooklyn, New York.

Leah R. Lightman is a freelance writer living in Lawrence, New York, with her family.

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By Dr. Rona Novick As told to Sandy Eller Gratitude has a unique ability to cloak our world in a positive light and is yet another area in which we can teach our children by example how to appreciate all that they have in their lives. When Covid hit and I started working from home, I made daily trips out to my backyard to visit a plant and a tree that I had planted years earlier, a ritual that lifted my spirits.

Even today, I still go outside to look at them regularly. Seeing that they have grown taller than I am leaves me feeling both excited and thankful, and I make a point to appreciate the joy they bring into my life.

Keep a gratitude journal. Do gratitude exercises. But above all, let your children see you being thankful for the positives in your life. There is no better way to raise grateful children than by letting them see you expressing gratitude for the people, objects and experiences that bring you joy.

In 2019, the National Institute of Mental Health and the Center for Disease Control released some sobering statistics about mental health among young Americans. The prevalence rates for mental disorders were as follows: 29.4 percent in young adults, ages 18-25 49.5 percent in teens, ages 13-18 17.4 percent in young children, ages 2-8 Of even greater concern were the following statistics: • Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals younger than 35 years old.

• Up to one in five teenagers engage in non-suicidal self-injury involving intentional destruction of body tissue (for non-culturally sanctioned reasons) in order to cope with distress.

—Dr. David H. Rosmarin

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By Dr. David H. Rosmarin All children have their challenging moments, but levels of family disquietude have risen sharply since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Updated national prevalence rates are not yet available, but early studies suggest that since 2019 there has been a two-to-four-fold increase in mental disorders among children, teens and young adults (see sidebar). Anecdotally, my clinical office has been so inundated with calls over the past twelve

months that we needed to expand our staff and services by 100 percent.

My data suggests that Orthodox Jewish families are at no greater risk for mental health concerns than the general population. However, with a mean average of 3.3 children (pewforum.org/2021/05/11/jewish-demographics/), it is not only statistically improbable but virtually impossible for most Orthodox parents to avoid dealing with mental health matters in the current day and age.

Given these trends, if I could pick just one parenting skill to teach families today, it would be validation.

Validation entails recognizing and affirming that someone’s feelings make sense and are worthwhile. One does not need to agree with someone’s perspectives or opinions to validate!

However, one does need to temporarily suspend judgment and withhold from trying to change the other’s viewpoint.

For most parents, validating is easier said than done. The general parental tendency when kids’ emotions intensify is to try to convince the child why his or her feelings and perspectives don’t make sense. The intent of this approach is to settle the child by talking sense into him.

However, the effects are rarely positive.

This is because trying to teach anyone while he or she is experiencing high levels of distress is almost always an exercise in futility. The only sensible option in such circumstances is to convey that the child’s emotions matter and are valid.

Once things settle down, a parent can revisit whether it might be advisable to share alternative perspectives.

Take, for example, the following scenario: Sixteen-year old Esti Turkell1 came home from school last Thursday and threw an angry fit. Her mother Shoshana unfortunately bore the brunt of it. “Esti was completely irrational,” Shoshana shared with a loud sigh, adding, “I literally tried everything to get her to calm down, to no avail!” When I asked Shoshana why she didn’t put her foot down, she sheepishly shared her concerns that Esti might harm herself (as Shoshana’s friend’s daughter had done). In speaking with Shoshana, she was clearly emotionally dysregulated herself. Her facial

Six Levels of Validating Children 1. Recognize when your child is emotionally dysregulated or distressed.

2. Show interest in your child’s feelings.

3. Accurately reflect by describing the emotions being expressed.

4. Empathize by trying to put yourself in your child’s position.

5. Recognize how your child’s developmental history contributes to how he or she feels.

6. Identify how your child’s current circumstances contribute to his or her feelings —Dr. David H. Rosmarin

It is not only statistically improbable but virtually impossible for most Orthodox parents to avoid dealing with mental health matters in the current day and age. expressions, rate of speech and tone all connoted feelings of anger, shame, sadness and anxiety. And so I took the time to validate Shoshana’s concerns. I expressed interest in her feelings and reflected her distress about her daughter.

I empathized with and acknowledged her range of emotions, being careful to mention that high distress is very reasonable given her concerns about Esti’s safety. The process took five to ten minutes, and Shoshana settled down.

Her breathing slowed, she relaxed in her chair and she was ready to learn.

The rest of our session focused on how to validate Esti’s feelings—just as I had done for Shoshana moments before. I conveyed that there are six levels of validation (see sidebar), and Shoshana and I practiced what each of these might look like in conversations with Esti.

Why does validation help where other strategies fail? There is nothing that compounds emotional distress as significantly as the belief that one is crazy for feeling that way. Validation directly combats this belief. By sharing

with children (or spouses, teachers, co-workers, bosses, patients or anyone else!) that their feelings make sense, tension immediately starts to dissipate.

More importantly, validation helps us reestablish emotional connection when the other person is in distress.

By conveying in word and deed that the person’s feelings matter and will be respected, we strengthen our bond with that person. This in and of itself is a critical aid to emotion regulation.

Before trying to change a child’s perspectives or moods, be sure to convey a sense of understanding for the way he or she feels. This simple and often overlooked step has a massive impact on mental health.

Note 1. All names and identifying details in this article have been changed to protect privacy.

Dr. David H. Rosmarin is an associate professor at Harvard Medical School and founder of the Center for Anxiety in New York and Boston.

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More than anything else, the pandemic was a vivid reminder that parents are the key to ensuring their kids’ mental health.

By Dr. Rona Novick As told to Sandy Eller So often our children come to us for validation on issues big and small, and while there are times when their concerns are genuine, there are others when it is tempting to dismiss their concerns for a variety of reasons. It may be that what they are saying is totally untrue or a gross exaggeration, but if you don’t make your child feel heard and understood, you have lost all power to be an influencer in his life and a facilitator of his growth.

Minimizing your child’s feelings will have her cutting you out of the loop the next time similar circumstances arise because, in her mind, you don’t understand her at all. Worse yet, you run the risk of forcing your child into a position

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where she thinks she has to escalate her distress in order to get your attention.

Parents need to understand the fine line between validation and agreement. The sentiments your child is expressing may be totally off the mark but letting him know that you appreciate how upset he is makes him feel supported and understood.

Imagine that your son tells you that his life is over because he failed a test. Obviously, he isn’t forever doomed and his teacher isn’t the root of all evil. But pointing out that he is wrong isn’t the best course of action either, because it sends the message that you have no idea what he is all about at that moment in time. Instead, your best option is to tell your son that you see how unhappy he is, making it clear that you are in tune with him and his feelings. And only once you have done that can you move on to the next step—helping your son solve the problem at hand.

By Rabbi Zvi Gluck As told to Sandy Eller We were all blindsided when the pandemic hit; our community rocked by an onslaught of tragic deaths. But even as doctors strove heroically to save lives and we all did our best to flatten the curve, having spent so many years toiling in the field of all things mental health-related, I knew there was going to be another side to the pandemic—an epic mental health crisis, one that would last for years. It went without saying that if adults were going to have a tough time coping with everything that was about to unfold, it was clear that kids were going to be hit particularly hard, a reality that proved to be true.

More than anything else, the pandemic was a vivid reminder that parents are the key to ensuring their kids’ mental health. Thankfully, there are many resources that can guide parents along roads they never expected to be traveling, including videos and literature that can help adults see life through their children’s eyes and

provide tools to steer them through this undeniably stressful period.

Bolstering a child’s self-esteem is an important component of good mental health, particularly in today’s challenging world. Build your kids up by encouraging them to voice their opinions. And provide positive feedback when they do good things—there isn’t a child out there who won’t feel like a million bucks when he realizes that he is valued and appreciated. If your child has a particular talent, by all means let her pursue it. Giving her a chance to shine can yield tremendous rewards.

Remember that building a kid’s confidence isn’t only about making her feel good about herself and helping her face the world with a positive outlook.

Helping a child gain self-esteem is also empowering. In addition to making him a less likely target for bullies, it gives him the tools he needs to withstand peer pressure and serious dangers, including abuse and addiction.

Building trust with your kids isn’t just a good idea—it is fundamental to the parent-child relationship. No matter how tempting it may be to sugarcoat things when a difficult situation arises or a crisis strikes, always tell your kids the truth, albeit in an age-ap-

propriate manner. Lying to your children is one of the worst things you can do as a parent, so even though telling the truth may seem daunting at times, know that being dishonest will only create far bigger problems.

Living in a world where best practices and regulations fluctuate regularly and where masks and vaccination mandates continue evolving isn’t easy for anyone. Let your kids know that it is okay to feel worried or concerned and that articulating those feelings is actually a crucial coping mechanism that helps build resilience. Listen to what your kids have to say, and be sure to take the time to talk to them about whatever is on their minds. And if for any reason your child’s anxiety seems to rise beyond reasonable levels, reach out to a qualified individual for help because early detection is the key to preventing long-term issues.

Rabbi Zvi Gluck is the CEO of Amudim, an organization dedicated to helping abuse victims and those suffering with addiction within the Jewish community. He has been heavily involved in crisis intervention and management for the past twentytwo years.

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New, innovative OU parenting program launches in Cincinnati and Houston.

By Leah R. Lightman

A

s good as your relationship is with your child, you can make it even better. That’s the latest message coming from the OU’s Department of Community Projects and Partnerships, whose mission is to enhance Jewish communal life and confront ongoing communal challenges.

“We spoke with rabbis, educators and community leaders to find out what the most pressing challenges are,” says Rabbi Phil Karesh, executive director of the Department who launched the Empowered Parenting Initiative (EPI) in August of 2021. “Most of them pointed to one issue—the need to build our children emotionally.”

Research demonstrates that a strong, healthy parent-child relationship with consistent, positive parental involvement is key to helping children and adolescents navigate life’s vicissitudes. “We should be investing time and energy into building healthy relationships with each of our children,” says Rabbi Karesh.

“Having an excellent relationship with one’s parents is the nucleus of the childhood experience. If there is a bad relationship, many areas are more likely to be a struggle.

If there is a good relationship, nearly everything improves. ” The Empowered Parenting Leah R. Lightman is a freelance writer who lives in Lawrence, New York, with her family.

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Initiative is a parenting program comprised of various resources including The Digital Citizenship Project, a curriculum about the role of technology in children’s lives, and the Healthy Habits Hub, a series of “healthy habits” that foster positive family bonding. One of the major components of EPI is the thirty-fiveyear-old tried-and-tested University of Washington’s family training program, Guiding Good Choices (GGC). When Rabbi Karesh explored various parenting programs, he discovered that there are lots of programs, but “very few are research based.” Guiding Good Choices stood out. “We simply didn’t come across other curricula that have this kind of rigor with such impressive outcomes,” he says.

“We know that the GGC tactics actually work,” says Rabbi Ezra Goldschmiedt of Congregation Sha’arei Torah in Cincinnati, who was trained to deliver the course in his community, one of two communities selected by the OU to pilot the program; the other is the Houston Jewish community. The hope is to eventually go national.

Developed by faculty of the University of Washington’s School of Social Work, GGC has been successfully taught to families across the United States, and its effects last long after parents complete it—even into the next generation. Four to six years after parents of sixth graders participated in GGC, the participating youth, compared to controls, were 28

percent more likely to remain drug free, 41 percent less likely to use alcohol and marijuana and 54 percent less likely to progress to more serious substance abuse.

The philosophy behind GGC is simple: change the quality of the parent-child relationship and you will thereby address many of the issues affecting our youth, including anxiety, depression, general misbehavior and drug abuse. “The approach of insulating our children from any negative influence is increasingly becoming a pipe dream,” explains Rabbi Goldschmiedt. “Nowadays, there is a greater need to instill an inherent moral compass in children. This program helps you do just that.”

“We are proactively engaging parents in GGC to become the agents of change in the lives of their families by becoming closer with their kids,” says Rabbi Simon Taylor, national director of the Department of Community Projects and Partnerships. Obviously, even under ideal circumstances where children and parents have a wonderful relationship, children might choose to deviate from their parents’ values due to a number of factors.

The Empowered Parenting Initiative covers topics such as setting guidelines, managing conflict, dealing with anger in a positive way, teaching children to withstand peer pressure and strengthening family bonds. Rabbi Karesh and his team will work closely with the OU’s Center for

Communal Research to gauge the success of the program. “We will be guided by data,” says Rabbi Taylor.

Communities participating in EPI will also have access to rabbinic and educational experts and resources.

“Stronger families mean stronger communities,” states Tzivia Weiss, a Houston lay leader who is passionate about EPI. “We are going to start transforming Jews all over by changing one family at a time, one community at a time.”

“Parents have an irreplaceable role in the life of a child,” says Rabbi Moshe Hauer, executive vice president of the OU. “While schools play a critical role in socializing our children to Torah life and teaching them the Torah way, parents hold the primary responsibility of passing on the mesorah.”

Under the OU’s leadership, the University of Washington has trained seven sets of facilitators, who will lead the workshops in each community’s pilot program. Rabbi Karesh, who received semichah from Yeshiva University and a master’s degree in educational administration from Loyola University in Chicago, has also been trained in the GGC curriculum.

Several months ago, shortly after Rabbi Karesh completed the GGC training, a single mother from his community called him seeking guidance. Her eleven-year-old son had come home from school sad and listless. Refusing to speak with her, he seemed distant but clearly in pain. Based on the principles he had learned in the GGC training— one of which is that when children are going through challenges they need total unconditional love— Rabbi Karesh guided the mother in opening a dialogue with her son. She approached her son and said, “I see things are difficult for you now, and I want you to know the following: Firstly, I love you more than you can ever imagine. Secondly, whatever is going on, I will not judge you at all. And thirdly, I will be with you through thick and thin until we get to the bottom of whatever is bothering

Rabbi Phil Karesh speaking at EPI’s launch event in Houston.

If you are interested in learning more or bringing EPI to your community, contact kareshp@ou.org.

you.” As the conversation continued, the young boy started crying and ultimately revealed that he was being bullied at school. After sharing his experiences, he concluded by saying, “Mom, I really need your help in dealing with these kids at school.

Can you help me?” Subsequently, the mother called Rabbi Karesh to express her gratitude for her newly acquired GGC tools that enabled her and her son to have a meaningful and productive conversation.

Frustrated with her relationship with her elementary school–aged children, another mother, after speaking with Rabbi Karesh, decided to put her phone in her home office when her kids came home from school every day, not touching it until they are asleep. In the months since, her relationship with her children has improved drastically.

To ensure that the program speaks to the frum community, the Department of Community Projects and Partnerships staff, working together with the GGC program staff, customized the curriculum to suit the particular needs of the Orthodox Jewish community. “The university was intrigued when we approached them,” says Rabbi Karesh. “The birth rates in the Orthodox community are significantly higher than that of the general population. They were stunned to discover that many of our families have five or six or more children. With their interest in having a broader impact, the University is excited about working with our community.”

The Cincinnati and Houston communities are enthusiastic as well. “We are aiming toward creating healthier families—a stable and good family is the foundation upon which all Jewish growth can occur,” says Rabbi Goldschmiedt.

As we go to press, OU-sponsored EPI classes are ongoing in the Cincinnati and Houston Jewish communities. Other communities have already approached the OU about bringing EPI to their cities. In fact, in one community outside the tristate area, one of the rabbis in attendance at an EPI planning meeting noted that it was the first time all representatives from across the spectrum of the local Orthodox Jewish community were sitting around the same table. Rabbi Karesh understood why: it is easy to overcome differences when you are focused on strengthening Jewish families, a pressing need facing all segments of the community. “While community achdus is not the EPI’s goal, it is certainly heartening that it’s a byproduct,” says Rabbi Karesh.

“It only bodes well for our youth and our future.”

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Rav Shlomo Wolbe. Illustration by Ilan Block, created with permission of original image owner AE Photos

Ilan developed a unique painting style based on his innate skill, quirky personality, and hard work. The style is intuitive and improvisational with many of the choices being made on the fly. Ilan was raised and resides in Highland Park, New Jersey and studied in Yeshivas Reishit Yerushalayim. He learned under Rav Yacov Friedman. He can be reached at ilanblock@gmail.com or found on Twitter @ilanblock.

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Rabbi Leib Kelemen served as senior lecturer at Neve Yerushalayim from 1996 to 2009. In 2009 he founded the International Organization of Mussar Vaadim, a network of more than two dozen classical musar vaadim in the USA and in Israel. He is the author of dozens of newspaper and journal articles and several books, and is the translator of Rav Shlomo Wolbe, zt”l’s sefer, Zriyah U’Binyan B’Chinuch (“Planting and Building” [Jerusalem, 1999]). He is the founder and dean of the Center for Kehillah Development.

RABBI LEIB KELEMEN on RABBI SHLOMO WOLBE We can often achieve outstanding results (and steer clear of disaster) just by following a handful of trustworthy principles. This is the case when it comes to raising confident, emotionally strong children. Rav Shlomo Wolbe, zt”l, a master educator from the previous generation, offered these pieces of timeless guidance: 1. Recognize a child’s uniqueness The Mishnah (Sanhedrin 4:5) teaches, “The supreme King of Kings, the Holy One, Blessed be He, stamped all people with the seal of Adam, and not one of them is similar to another.” In Rav Wolbe’s formulation: “I, with all my potential and traits, profile and spiritual strengths, am unique in this world.

Among all those alive today, there is not a single other like me. There was no one like me in previous generations, and there won’t be anyone like me until the end of time!” (Alei Shur, vol.

2, p. 71). According to the Vilna Gaon (Mishlei 22:6), only those who perceive this uniqueness in children can help them become all they can be: “When you compel a child to live in conflict with his nature, he may cooperate in the short term out of fear, but he will veer from your teachings when he eventually achieves independence.”

Expert parents view each child as totally unique, and they avoid the mistaken feeling that “certainly my derech is my child’s derech, or at least it should be!” (Zriyah U’Binyan

B’Chinuch, p. 30). The fact that a parent flourished at a certain type of school, lived in a certain type of neighborhood and chose a certain career is meaningless. Today, the most successful parents don’t even assume that their children will wear the same type of head covering or daven the same nusach. They exert themselves day after day, hour by hour, to humbly discover who their children are to help them intelligently navigate their unique paths.

2. Give children the freedom to err Mature adults aren’t afraid to gather the necessary information and make their own decisions. They may turn to others who can share expertise, but they don’t ask others to make choices for them. Rav Wolbe calls this quality “da’as.” A person who is terrified of making a mistake can’t develop da’as. “One must accept the risk of errors,” Rav Wolbe said. “We will learn Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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from them for the next time” (Pirkei Kinyan Da’as, p. 66). We can help our children grow into adults who possess da’as by habituating them in making their own decisions. This is especially important for teenagers and young adults, but expert parents also grant this sort of choice to younger children.

Of course, we don’t allow two-yearolds to run into the street or touch a hot oven. But we do cultivate our children’s da’as by permitting them to make the decisions they are old enough to make and allowing them to learn from their mistakes (just as we learned from our youthful mistakes). As long as we don’t treat five-year-olds, fifteenyear-olds and twenty-year-olds like two-year-olds, or two-year-olds like five-, fifteen-, or twenty-five-year-olds, we will be allowing them to make the kind of mistakes that are opportunities to develop not only wisdom, but also confidence and resilience.

3. Love: attention and affection I will never forget the night Rav Wolbe spoke about the centrality of love. He lifted a worn volume of Devarim and read, “See that I [G-d] have placed before you life and good, and death and evil; and I am commanding you to love. . . .” He paused with closed eyes, thought and then repeated, “I have placed before you life . . . and I am commanding you to love.” He brought the volume closer to his eyes, squinted to see the tiny print, and read from the Ibn Ezra’s commentary, “This verse teaches us that life is for love.” Every creature has its most essential need and mission. Our most essential need is to be loved, and our mission is to love.

Generally, people express love in two ways: attention and affection. A vast scientific literature (summarized in my book To Kindle a Soul) describes how each of these expressions of love uniquely impact a child.

When we are attentive to a child’s needs, we create security and confidence, and this provides the internal strength children need to handle stress later in life. Attentive parenting also creates selfesteem, independence and confidence.

Conversely, children who do not receive enough attention early on tend to be clingy when they get older, suffer from 48

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separation anxiety and respond with panic when pushed to explore the world or when left in the hands of an unfamiliar caregiver.

Showering our children with affection primes them for altruism, empathy and sociability. Affection also enhances physical health, bolsters cognitive development and defuses delinquency.

A middle-aged gentleman once disclosed to me that his father showed him neither attention nor affection. He described the resulting emotional gash that created psychological hurdles and even physical disease from childhood through his adult life. This son yearned

wealth, and he wanted his father to demonstrably reject his first love, money, in favor of his son and reconciliation.

Children need to feel that they are quintessentially precious to their parents. Expert parents convey this multiple times a day. It starts with feeding, changing diapers and giving lots of hugs and kisses. It continues with picking up children on time, keeping promises, staying off the phone when we’re spending time with them, and being reliably present. It means helping with homework, Purim costumes and the school play, thoughtfully customizing school snacks, and more

When we are attentive to a child’s needs, we create security and confidence, and this provides the internal strength children need to handle stress later in life. for his father’s love, but his father devoted his entire being to the pursuit of his true love: wealth. When the father reached his mid-eighties, he had a change of heart and apologized to his son. Curiously, the son told his father that a precondition of reconciliation was a $1 million gift. Initially, it seemed that the son had inherited his father’s appetite for wealth, but that wasn’t the case. Before the father could fulfill the request, the son upped the ante, demanding that his father give similarly extravagant gifts to others whom the son felt his father had harmed. The son knew such penance would empty the coffers his father had spent a lifetime filling up. That was the son’s real agenda. He felt that his father couldn’t simultaneously love him and love

hugs and kisses. It’s a message we transmit every time we sit by an ill child’s bedside, gingerly apply a Band-Aid or take a child out for one-on-one private time. The list of opportunities to fill our children with our love is as long as a lifetime. And it is a goal that could be put at risk when we disregard and devalue these physical and emotional needs or contract them out too often to hired help. Chinuch is more complex than just recognizing a child’s uniqueness, giving freedom to err and expressing love with abundant attention and affection. It requires doing a lot more right than just embracing these three principles. However, parents who check these three boxes tend to raise more confident, emotionally strong children.

with

Dr. David Pelcovitz Jewish Action writer Binyamin Ehrenkranz interviewed the well-known psychologist Dr. David Pelcovitz about his views on raising resilient children. A recognized authority on parenting and child and adolescent behavior, Dr. Pelcovitz holds the Gwendolyn and Joseph Straus Chair in Psychology and Jewish Education at the Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education and Administration at Yeshiva University.

Binyamin Ehrenkranz: What are the traits of a child who is mentally healthy?

Dr. David Pelcovitz: A mentally healthy child can regulate strong emotions, such as anger, sadness and anxiety, and is capable of having strong connections. Freud used to define one who is mentally healthy as having the “capacity to work, love and play.” Using this definition, children who are mentally healthy are able to manage the academic demands placed on them, maintain friendships appropriate for their age level, and enjoy themselves. Additionally, they have a sense of self-efficacy—they embrace an “I-can-do-it” mentality.

BE: What’s the most important thing to keep in mind while trying to be a responsible parent?

DP: Parents don’t have to be perfect.

Some of the most respected thinkers in this area talk not about perfect parenting but about “good enough parenting.”

Parents will lose their temper, especially given the stresses of lockdown and repeated quarantines, but they are “good enough” as long as they’re there loving their kids most of the time.

But what tends to be most associated with good parenting is finding the balance between love and limits. Parents who provide all love and no limits tend to raise overindulged and spoiled children. Parents who are all limits and no love end up with belligerent children.

Rules without relationship equals rebellion. What you want is good enough parenting, marked by love and the knowledge that it’s okay to say no and to set limits on your kids even if they’re upset when you do so.

“Yasser bincha ki yeish tikvah v’el hamito al tisa nafshecha—Discipline your son for there is hope, let your soul not be swayed by his protest,”* says Shlomo Hamelech in Mishlei (19:18).

We need to put limits on our children and not pay attention to their complaining. The Midrash adds the following: “Kol hamosif avi yissurim al beno mosif haben ahavah al aviv,” loosely translated as, the more a parent sets limits on the child, the more the child will love the parent. I see that in my practice all the time. This approach works as long as parents impose limits with love and support.

BE: What are practices young parents can adopt to raise an emotionally resilient child?

DP: With regard to parenting and resilience, three large-scale longitudinal studies were conducted in which researchers followed children born on the islands of Kauai, Martha’s Vineyard and the Isle of Wight. The Kauai Longitudinal Study, which is still ongoing, followed every child born in 1956 into adulthood to determine what kind of parenting is associated with resilience.

All three island studies yielded the same core ingredients. Parents who raised resilient children provided 1. at least one caregiver who was there for the child, and 2. a strong sense of “religious belief” marked by hope, purpose and altruism. These parents taught their kids how to not just take but also how to give.

Having kids give to others and learn, even at a very young age, the importance of being there for other people are, according to the research, associated with resilience.

Binyamin Ehrenkranz is a member of the Jewish Action Editorial Committee.

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BE: Can you elaborate on the importance of religious belief in building emotional resilience?

DP: When I was at the beginning of my career, there was a very different set of attitudes in the mental health profession. I remember having a professor who always quoted Freud’s view of religion—i.e., it’s an obsessive-compulsive neurosis and a crutch. But research has clearly shown over the last many decades that without that “crutch,” we limp. Responsibility, faith and children believing in something greater than themselves are factors associated with resilience.

BE: Let’s focus on children’s self-esteem. From a religious standpoint, we are mindful not to inflate their egos too much lest they get haughty. How does self-confidence factor in?

DP: The key is accuracy. It’s not at all healthy for children to be praised for abilities they don’t have. In the United States, most parents describe their children as above average in almost every area. Our community is not immune to that. But the reality is that our children would do much better if we helped them find and build their strengths. We also need our children to realize that nobody’s perfect—every person has strengths and weaknesses.

Many parents believe that one should never point out weaknesses for fear that children will feel badly about themselves.

But that is a misconception. Mistakes are actually a gift. Kids grow by making mistakes. The key is to raise children to view failure as feedback rather than a setback. The Hebrew word cheit, sin, means “missing the mark,” not that you’re an evil person who sinned. When a child makes a mistake, the message should be: you need a do-over.

Rav Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin discusses some of these ideas in Tzidkat Hatzaddik (154), where he states: “K’shem shetzarich adam leha’amin b’Hashem Yitbarach, kach tzarich achar kach leha’amin b’atzmo— Just as a person is required to believe in G-d, so too is he afterwards required to believe in himself.” We need to raise our children to believe that Hashem cares about us, says Rav Tzadok. He’s 50

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always there, in a sense believing in us just like we believe in Him. We’re not insignificant beings, here one day and gone the next.

It’s that kind of beautiful imagery depicted by Rav Tzadok that captures not only the way we want to view ourselves, but also the kind of healthy self-efficacy we want to instill in our children. But it must be grounded in accuracy and an understanding that you don’t have to be perfect. Perfectionism is not our aim.

The goal should be to help our children feel, even in the face of frustration, “I think I can handle this.” At the same time, they should understand that sometimes they may not be able to handle a situation, and it is okay for them to then seek out help.

BE: Would you say perfectionism is a particular challenge in frum society today? If so, how can we change our mindset?

DP: That’s a very important point. In our community, we tend to have a set of expectations for our kids that is too narrow. It’s way too easy for kids to start feeling that they’re just not making it. There is a disappointment they often see reflected back in our eyes when they don’t act perfectly.

What happens all too often is that kids start to view themselves as failures while in school. We see this in all parts of the religious spectrum in our community—schools that insist on a very narrow definition of excellence, not recognizing the creativity, entrepreneurial abilities and other aptitudes that many children possess.

Instead, they define success only by a child’s excellence in math or reading, or by their ability to sit still in a chair throughout the long hours of learning limudei kodesh. That attitude can be destructive.

Embedded in the berachot given by Yaakov Avinu in Parashat Vayechi at the end of his life are some brilliant thoughts. The pasuk says “ish asher k’virchato beirach otam, he blessed each according to his appropriate blessing” (Bereishit 49:28). On this verse, Rav Yerucham Levovitz had an original interpretation, which Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski would often quote. If

what you have in mind when you bentch your kids are your own dreams and wishes for your child—you want her to be a doctor because you never made it into medical school; you want him to be an incredible talmid chacham because you never had that kind of mind—it’s as if you are taking a pail of water and watering a plot of earth that has no seeds in it. There has to be a match between your child’s potential and your wishes for him or her.

In a similar vein, we need to figure out a way to have individualized definitions of excellence and success. Very often, the kid who appears to be the most troublesome becomes incredibly successful down the road and ends up being chairman of the board of the school! The key is to see each child’s uniqueness as a source of strength rather than a threat.

BE: We’ve talked about parents, but there’s a broader family of uncles, aunts and grandparents. What role do they play in contributing to a child’s well-being, especially in communities such as ours that tend to have close, tight-knit families?

DP: One of the silver linings of Covid is that many aunts, uncles and, most importantly, grandparents have deepened their bond with the next generation, especially if they were living under the same roof. Grandparents play a crucial role in children’s development. Research shows an association between mental health in children and the presence of active grandparents and other extended family. Children need grandparents who spoil them a little bit and love them unconditionally.

I have been lucky to have young toddler grandchildren living with us since Covid started. The other day they were playing “lockdown” on the kitchen floor in my house. While wearing masks, one would touch the other and say, “Oh, you touched me!

You have to go into quarantine.” But they were doing it with joy and laughter and pulling me into their game. It was amazing. It showed the kind of resilience that comes with multiple generations living under the same roof.

Let’s not lose sight of the beauty of having children grow up feeling

Courtesy of the Katz Hillel Day School in Boca Raton, Florida

We tend to have a set of expectations for our kids that is too narrow....[and] all too often . . . kids start to view themselves as failures while in school.

close to their grandparents, aunts and uncles. Although most people do not have their grandchildren under the same roof, there are so many ways of connecting via modern technology.

This is a take-home message that I hope people get as the pandemic gives way to more of a perennial illness like the flu and we start to get back to some semblance of post-pandemic normalcy.

BE: You wrote the book Balanced Parenting, which was co-authored by your father, a storied shul rabbi.

Is there a memory either of him or of distinctive things he did that you picked up on and that stayed with you?

DP: He was an amazing father, but also an amazing grandfather, great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather. He had a profound impact on every one of his family members. As he got older, he was much less mobile but his mind was still sharp, so he would give people—especially his children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and even great-great grandchildren—undivided attention. They loved being with him because he had a way of relating to them that was totally accepting and supportive; it was something I think they found rare in their lives.

At the very end of his life, he often quoted the idea that failure is the source of growth. You have to learn how to “fail better,” he would say, quoting the famous writer Samuel Beckett. That’s the way he was with his grandchildren. You couldn’t mess up.

He used to give musar so gently you didn’t even realize it was musar.

On the last day of his life, he went to one of my children, an adult child who is a little bit out of the box—a wonderful, very successful guy, but he marches to the beat of a different drum.

My father held onto his grandson and said, “Chaim,** just be Chaim.” Those were his last words to him.

All of the grandchildren carry those kinds of words, and it’s become a model for me now that I’m becoming a more active grandparent than I was before Covid. * All translations from ArtScroll Tanach, Stone Edition ** Not his real name.

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JEWISH WORLD

HOW C A N W E DO BE T T E R?

Conversations on Inreach and Outreach

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n the winter 2021 issue of Jewish Action, we addressed two pressing concerns that emerged from the 2020 Pew study of American Jews: the significant drop-out rate within the Orthodox community and the rapid assimilation of the non-Orthodox. The need for ongoing inreach and outreach is clear. In this issue, the conversation continues.

Q. When it comes to the chinuch of our children, both in our homes as well as in our schools and yeshivot, what should we do to better inculcate a lifelong passion for Yiddishkeit in all of our children?

Jaclyn Sova As told to Merri Ukraincik

The

VIEW from PEW PA RT I I Image courtesy of the Pew Research Center Photos by Meir Kruter unless otherwise indicated

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We know that about 30 percent of American Jews today who were raised Orthodox opted out of the frum community as adults. But instead of a defensive scrambling to patch up holes in the system, we need to go on the offensive to keep our students in.

Our job as teachers is to make Torah Judaism relatable and inspiring, not only in the studying of it but also in the living of it—between classes, in after-school programs, on Shabbatons. Just look at the magic that happens when kids dance and sing during a kumzitz. Our passion for Yiddishkeit becomes contagious when it is sincere. Our students know when it is not.

But more important than any curriculum is helping young people find the unique light within themselves. Students generally want to grow and connect both religiously and on a personal level with their teachers. They ask themselves,

“Why am I here in the world?” They turn to us to help them figure out their individual missions. We must put our faith in them, encouraging them to ask difficult questions and showing them that we take their comments seriously. This gives them a voice and a sense of ownership in their Judaism.

Our kids tend to flourish in camp because the achievement tent is wide enough to include activities like theater, dance and sports. But in many schools, the definition of success has narrowed to the point where those who do not ace their classes or get accepted to the “right” college, seminary or mesivta wonder if they fit in at all. Students who thrive academically make up the 20 percent of the student body that loves school. Another 20 percent is the group that struggles in one or multiple ways—academically, behaviorally and/or because these students are already not buying in.

Both spectra command a great deal of attention from school faculty and administration. Yet the children that comprise the middle 60 percent also want to be noticed. They may strive academically, but if they fail, they ultimately prefer negative attention to no attention at all.

Our mettle as educators—as well as our ability to lower those opting-out statistics—lies in recognizing these children for their abilities beyond test performance. We must broaden the range of ways students can feel accomplished. We need to see them for who they are, not what they achieve in the classroom. We also have to recognize the critical role technology plays, and to figure out how to best leverage it. What it boils down to is this: keeping our kids connected hinges on making them feel their presence matters in a genuine way, regardless of the tier they are in. We all want to feel loved, valued and respected where we are. Otherwise, we seek those things wherever we can get them.

I openly discuss these issues with my students. They agree that it is the relationships we establish with them and our willingness to see their inherent goodness that have the most meaningful impact on their buy-in at school and, ultimately, within the community.

Teens are vulnerable. When we empathize with them in a real way, it evokes the feeling that the Torah understands them too. We have an important role to play. To show them we care. To find out about their hobbies and talents, their family life, what is meaningful to them, what their dreams are.

I cannot say this enough: teens are starving for our acknowledgment and encouragement. When they feel we believe in them, they begin to believe in themselves.

In my dream world, we would have the opportunity to also bulk up their leadership muscles, enabling them to see how they could use their own strengths to inspire others. I want to create programs that give students a platform to influence both their fellow students and members of their own community—even beyond. Let’s give them the chance to sit in the driver’s seat. That’s when passion and ownership kick in. And this, I believe, is what will make all the difference for the long term—not only for that 30 percent but for all of us.

Jaclyn Sova holds an MA in education and is a doctoral candidate at the Azrieli Graduate School of Education and Administration. She lives with her family in Baltimore, Maryland, where she teaches at Bnos Yisroel high school; she also lectures regularly throughout the community. Ms. Sova is the founder of BG Cubed (Baltimore Girls Gain and Grow), which provides mentors and programming to Bais Yaakov girls and nurtures them as leaders.

Merri Ukraincik has written for the Forward, the New York Jewish Week, Hevria, the Wisdom Daily, Tablet and other publications, including Jewish Action. She is the author of I Live. Send Help, a history of the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee (JDC).

Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg I would like to suggest that the answer to the questions above is rather simple. We must set the instilling of a lifelong passion

for Yiddishkeit as the main objective and purpose of our education. Once we know where we are going and are clear about our ultimate goal, we’ll have a great chance of getting there.

A day school’s aim should not be to cover ground; or to have our youngsters memorize meaningless lists; or to make sure that our students score high grades; or to make sure students work hard for the sake of working hard. Instead, it should be to instill a lifelong passion for Yiddishkeit.

• Why did Hashem create the world?

• Why does Hashem want us to do the mitzvos?

• Why do we have a yetzer hara? Wouldn’t it be better if we could live a life of easily achieved mitzvos and ma’asim tovim without any struggles?

• Why do we say the same words when we daven Shacharis, Minchah and Ma’ariv?

• Why does Hashem want us to ask for our needs if He already knows what we are lacking?

• What is the neshamah?

Should our fourteen-year-olds know the answers to these questions? Do they? Do some research. You may be surprised to discover that while at this age we expect our children to know these very basic fundamentals of Yiddishkeit, the overwhelming majority of our teenagers do not. How can we expect our children to gain a lifelong passion for living a Torah life if they can’t even answer a simple list of questions about the most basic concepts of authentic Judaism? I challenge you to show me where in a typical curriculum we have the answers to the above-mentioned questions.

Take the subject of emunah. Which teenager doesn’t know that we must believe in Hashem? Every child learns at age three or four that Hashem created the world! While it is true that our children begin their pure lives hearing these fundamental concepts, do we make sure to move on from there as they grow? Do we continue discussing the concepts of emunah and how they pertain to our lives? Far too many of our students Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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today are deficient in the most basic factual and conceptual understanding of what it means to be a Torahobservant Jew. All of us involved in the education of our children must ask ourselves some tough questions: • What is the outcome we are striving for when we teach our children?

What do we want them to have acquired by the time they graduate eighth or twelfth grade?

• How much time are we investing in teaching the core curriculum, and how much attention and hype are we investing in the extras? The crux of the answer to this question is acquired by defining what that core is.

• What are the basics of our mesorah that have inadvertently fallen to the wayside and lack sufficient focus in our educational system?

• How are our curriculums created?

And are we developing the proper scope and sequence containing a healthy progression from year to year and from subject to subject?

Successful chinuch must include not only book knowledge but also a conscious inculcation of the foundations of Yiddishkeit—our most important goal for our students.

Although our children’s school days are long, the curriculum is extremely demanding. As a result, many teachers find themselves scrambling to fill 54

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their educational “quotas” and simply cannot find the time to emphasize the most important subjects, such as emunah and bitachon and the hashkafos of avodas Hashem. Difficult as it may be, this must change. It is not enough for schools to teach students the “hows” of performing mitzvos; they must teach the “whys” and offer answers to our children’s questions regarding our most fundamental beliefs. If we can develop a meaningful and essential set of expectations, we can, and with the help of Hashem we will, succeed in raising our next generation to understand and to appreciate what it means to be Jewish and to feel proud to be living an authentic and meaningful Jewish life.

Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg has been a Jewish educator for almost forty years. After receiving semichah as well as his master’s degree, he began his career as a rebbi, then served as a principal. He is a prominent author, lecturer, educational consultant, teacher-trainer and parenting expert.

Rabbi Mordechai Yaffe The challenge when conducting any type of research is that one must isolate variables in order to test them, a task that is often daunting, if not outright impossible. I like to call this “separating the spaghetti strands.”

One of the findings from the most recent Pew study indicated that the drop-out rate in the frum community is significant enough to warrant attention. While this doesn’t begin to compare with that of the non-Orthodox community, we cannot be complacent and deem ourselves inoculated from such tragic losses to our people. Although there are numerous contributing factors, surely the direction we provide to our developing children and adolescents necessarily impacts on these outcomes, both positively and negatively.

I was asked to reflect on ways to ensure that our yeshivah students graduate

Our passion for Yiddishkeit becomes contagious when it is sincere.

Our students know when it is not.

Courtesy of Teach NY/The Hebrew Academy of the Five Towns and Rockaways (HAFTR)

Teens are starving for our acknowledgment and encouragement.

When they feel we believe in them, they begin to believe in themselves. inspired and energized about Judaism.

One of my favorite aphorisms is that for every simple question there is a simple answer. And it is usually wrong. Given that this is meant to be a 700-word article rather than an entire book, it is quite an intimidating assignment.

I will therefore limit my comment to one component that I consider essential in our children’s chinuch. When Hashem tells Moshe to go to Pharaoh to begin the mission of the redemption of the Jewish people, He tells him to identify Bnei Yisrael as “Beni bechori Yisrael” (Shemot 4:22). Simply put, we are G-d’s firstborn, beloved child. Period. The degree of immorality and depravity we had sunk to while in exile did not matter. We were to be freed because Hashem relates to us as a father to his cherished child. Relating to Hashem is especially challenging for us because we cannot utilize the very senses we rely on to know about everything else. However, I would posit that the reason we are created with parents

altogether and why they hold a unique status both in halachah and in our lives is in order to facilitate the ability to have some degree of conceptualization of how we are meant to relate to our Creator. What does this have to do with chinuch? Literally everything.

Anyone who enters the field of chinuch (and please take note that I did not say education) is acting as a proxy for a parent. When we are instructed with the words “Veshinantam l’vanecha” (Devarim 6:7) regarding the continuity of teaching Torah, Rashi quotes the Sifrei, which informs us that this is referring to our talmidim.

If one reflects on this statement for just a moment, the ramifications are staggering. The one time the Torah informs us of the mitzvah to transmit the Torah to our children, it almost seems like Chazal hijack it and apply it to rabbeim rather than just leaving it with parents! Why would they do that?

I believe that this is not to highlight some quaint notion that we should

treat our talmidim like we would treat our own children. It means that in order to properly fulfill our Divine mission as mechanchim, we must shift our internal paradigms and assume the role of parents in a literal sense. We have to care for these children as we do our own. This is an exceptionally formidable undertaking and surely much easier said than done. However, we can never lose sight of the fact that this is the role we are mandated to assume when we accept this awesome responsibility. And to carry this to its complete inference, when we do so we are emulating the very way in which Hashem relates to us, His firstborn!

When I began teaching thirty-five years ago, I was told by a very experienced rebbi, Rabbi Mordechai Lurie, that if there is a child in your class whom you don’t like or to whom you just cannot relate, you have no right to be teaching him. While at the time it seemed a little extreme, with experience I internalized this crucial message.

When we feel disconnected from our talmidim, we must come to realize that the lack is in us and that we will be unable to fulfill our holy mission. Yes, some children are harder to love than others, but we can never forget that they are our children and, more importantly, the children of Hashem.

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ably not entirely, and there are never any guarantees. However, I am quite certain that this particular strand of spaghetti is a vital component of a healthy diet.

Rabbi Mordechai Yaffe is rosh hayeshivah of Mesivta Ateres Yaakov (MAY) and the rav of Kehilla Ateres Yaakov in Lawrence, New York.

Rabbi Yaffe holds a PhD in clinical psychology and is licensed to practice in the State of New York.

Rabbi Zvi Teitelbaum As told to Barbara Bensoussan The biggest challenge in this generation is the battle against apathy. So many students today just aren’t “feeling it.” Our goal must be to get them to feel simchah in Yiddishkeit and to be happy with themselves. (Kids who have suffered abuse are a different story, although I don’t encounter that very often.)

Today’s generation needs to feel loved and validated. Our students need to know that we won’t dismiss their questions; even if we don’t agree with them, they should feel listened to.

Classroom time should even be taken to discuss their concerns. I frequently speak to my students about hashkafah since more than truth, these kids are searching for meaning. When we teach Chumash or even Gemara, we need to show our students how it’s relevant to their lives and how it can help them become better people with better relationships. You can tease out relevance even from very abstract gemaras, showing how the Gemara’s logic is applicable in different scenarios. For example, there is a gemara that asks— if you find a wrapped piece of meat on the ground in the marketplace, can you assume it’s kosher? My students reflexively respond “no,” but the Gemara says that the answer depends on whether or not the majority of the shops in the area are kosher; it’s a matter of probability. I then show them how we need to use probability in making decisions in life. When it 56

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comes to believing in Hashem, for example, it’s not about proving with 100 percent certainty that Hashem exists but proving the high probability that there is a Creator in the world. Another challenge in teaching today’s students is their access to technology and media. Smartphones have changed our lives. Kids have access to the world all day, all the time. They know everything about nothing, lots of data without any purpose or meaningful analysis; random Snapple facts.

Even if students are looking at innocuous stuff on their phones—although today there’s so little that’s truly innocuous—it disturbs their schedules. Time boundaries disappear. They stay up late and develop erratic, disruptive sleep patterns. Additionally, their focus is affected by the constant jumping from one form of entertainment to another.

Given all these distractions, a rebbi today has to be something of an entertainer. He needs to make the presentation of the Gemara more “geshmak.” I break learning into shorter segments, forty-five minutes versus an hour and a half, since my students’ attention spans are attenuated.

Today’s bachurim are also much more aware of current events than in the past. I therefore sometimes use world events as a teaching opportunity, discussing how to interpret what’s going on from a Torah perspective. I show my talmidim that Torah isn’t exclusive to a blatt Gemara; all of it is relevant to our lives.

While most of my students don’t expect to continue learning full time later in life, they need to see that Torah can make them feel fulfilled. They need to learn how to distinguish between

real and counterfeit pleasures. In learning, for example, they discover they may have to break their heads a little, but afterwards they will experience a sense of satisfaction that is very rewarding. One of my classes is finishing a masechta now, and it’s exciting for the boys. They have a real feeling of accomplishment.

All teens have struggles, and that’s okay. The Navi states: “Im yiheyu chata’eichem kashanim, kasheleg yalbinu—Be your sins like crimson, they can turn snow-white; Be they red as dyed wool, they can become like fleece” (Yeshayah 1:18). Kashanim means red, but it also means years. So what the pasuk may be teaching us is this: if a child’s struggles are age appropriate (kashanim), you can make an allowance for that. Don’t panic or come down too harshly on him. He may need time to work it through.

There are times a teen drops out of sight and you think you had no influence, and then a few years later you get a call telling you he’s in a yeshivah in Israel shteiging away. Both frumfrom-births and ba’alei teshuvah often just need some space or time to work things out.

Rabbi Zvi Teitelbaum is a rebbi in the Yeshiva of Greater Washington high school and the founder and executive director of Mesorah DC, an outreach organization serving the greater Washington area.

A longtime Jewish Action contributor, Barbara Bensoussan is the author of articles and books including Pride and Preference (New York, 2020).

A day school’s aim should not be to cover ground or to have our youngsters memorize meaningless lists . . . it should be to instill a lifelong passion for Yiddishkeit.

Q. What could we do to substantially move the needle when it comes to combating assimilation? If money were no object, what kind of programs or initiatives would you envision? Are there areas for improvement and change in the world of outreach?

Rabbi Zvi Teitelbaum As told to Barbara Bensoussan In addition to being a rebbi, I work in kiruv rechokim. People sometimes assume that kiruv is a matter of rounding up unaffiliated Jews for a class or Shabbat, but the one-on-one is what really works to bring people in and keep them there.

We need more frum Jews who care and are willing to reach out to build a relationship of trust with those who are not yet observant. It’s all about the relationship. We have to be more proactive.

The situation [among unaffiliated Jews] is very different than it was ten years ago.

Years ago, people were searching for the truth. If you could prove to them the truth of Torah, they’d change their lives accordingly. Today truth has become so relativized that people simply believe everyone has different “truths.” For them, it’s about meaning.

They want to see what Torah can offer

them in terms of personal development, and retain talent because there are too relationships and providing purpose many systemic problems in the world and a road map for their lives. If you of chinuch and Jewish nonprofits. can teach Torah in a way that resonates, It’s a painful fact, but fewer and they start to trust that you can help fewer people are choosing to work in them, and, in turn, they begin to sense Jewish communal and nonprofit orgathe authenticity of Judaism. nizations, much less stay there long I also truly believe that when exposing term. Anyone who chooses to go into an unaffiliated Jew to the depth, beauty Jewish communal work is an idealist. and logic (emet) of real Torah, it will reso- But often such idealism has a short nate with the neshamah. This will only shelf life. Many become disillusioned have an impact, however, if the mekarev because of the lack of support. They truly believes in the koach of Torah. aren’t given the nurturance, appreciaI do my best, but over the years I’ve tion or professional development they come to terms with the fact that not need to work in such an environment everything is in my hands. The cheshbon day in and day out, so how are they isn’t just mine; these are Hashem’s chilsupposed to inspire others? The word dren and it’s Hashem’s cheshbon too. has gotten out that a career in chinuch, People make their choices, and results kiruv or almost any Jewish non-profit often don’t show up until much later. isn’t a great career path. So many are If the Torah you’ve imparted doesn’t underpaid and undervalued. If we accomplish changes immediately, it don’t create a healthy professional work might be absorbed and accepted later environment, we will never attract the down the road. “best and the brightest” to work for the Jewish people, and then we will be in Lori Palatnik big trouble.

As told to Barbara Working for the Jewish people has Bensoussan also changed. What was effective in 1985 doesn’t work anymore; there are The biggest problem different needs, different distractions— in the profesit’s a very different world. If you insist sional Jewish world today is that we on making people fit into old models are suffering from a lack of talent. Ask of inreach and outreach, you just come the heads of Jewish organizations and across like a crotchety old man yelling they’ll tell you our problem isn’t so at the neighborhood kids to get off his much a lack of funding as much as a lawn. To be effective, you have to meet lack of finding good staff. We can’t find people where they are. In discussions, Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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it’s extremely important today to stay far away from politics. Dial it down to zero! Politics puts up unnecessary barriers between you and the people you deal with and has no relation to people’s spirituality. I tell people, “I’m not left, I’m not right—I’m Up.” To label is to disable. The standards of what is acceptable in society have changed. Don’t judge people for the views they express; not only are they products of their society, we are too.

Unaffiliated Jews are distanced from Judaism not by what they know but by what they don’t know. So many don’t know anything about the basic tenets of Judaism or about the history and deep significance of Israel. When I was a kid, everyone rallied around freeing Soviet Jewry, but as Malcolm Hoenlein, executive vice chairman of the Conference of Presidents of Major American Jewish Organizations, noted recently, for the first time in history, Jews are free to move around everywhere in the world.

So the slogan is no longer “Let my people go,” it’s “Let my people know.”

Every Jew possesses a beautiful soul with a desire for meaning and connection. Most importantly, other Jews need to know and feel that we care about them.

We have to set an example of joyous, moral living. As Jews we received our job description at Har Sinai: to be an “ohr lagoyim,” a light unto the nations. Are we doing our job? Unfortunately, today we are a very dim light.

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My work involves engaging the influencer of the home, the Jewish mother.

Momentum’s flagship initiative is our transformational tours to Israel. We have found that eight inspiring days in Israel can accomplish more than twenty-eight years of trying to engage women while in the Diaspora. It’s a real game changer when accompanied by a comprehensive one-year follow-up program through our over 250 partnering organizations in thirty-two countries. When Naftali Bennett served as the Minister of Diaspora Affairs, whose team took us from good to great, he asked me how many women we bring to Israel every year. I told him 3,000. He said, “We need to make it 30,000!” Wow—if we could really do that, we’d see a global shift within three years.

Most of the women who participate are in their early forties and very distant from their Jewish identity and connection to Israel. They’re thirsty for wisdom on topics such as marriage and parenting. They quickly learn that Torah is not some dusty artifact from people who wandered in the sand dunes centuries ago—but it is bursting with relevant wisdom for their lives today.

I used to work in advertising and essentially I still do—it’s just that now I have the best product in the world: Torah. But in recent years I’ve found that people need a different approach, one that’s less “frontal”—i.e., less

standing in front of them delivering lectures, which studies have shown do not create retention of the material.

You have to make your teaching more experiential, by turning to the person beside you to discuss the question or by asking her to journal her thoughts.

If I had unlimited funds, I’d certainly bring many more people to Israel. I also believe that in the Diaspora we need top-quality, affordable Jewish schools that parents would line up to have their children attend.

Jews value education, and even the most assimilated Jews will gravitate to neighborhoods where they’ll find the best schools for their children. If the word was out that we had Jewish schools on a par with the best public schools or private prep schools that were affordable or free, that prepares kids for any Ivy League college, secular Jews would enroll their children in a heartbeat. And once in those Jewish schools, the kids would need to be taught relevant, compelling Torat chayim, a Judaism that speaks to them and gives them meaning. And they need to be taught that they are part of a people, a very great people.

Too much community money is poured into memorials, such as Holocaust museums and monuments. But those same people who perished in the Shoah are now screaming out from Heaven, “Enough with the memorials, my great-grandchildren aren’t even

Rabbi Mark Wildes (center, head of the table) teaching a class at MJE. Courtesy of MJE

Jewish!” The real need is for Jews to connect to their Judaism in the here and now. They will get there if we show them that we care for them deeply and can offer them the priceless gift of their heritage in a way that they can hear it, one that is truly meaningful, wise and inspirational.

Lori Palatnik is a writer, Jewish educator, activist and founder of Momentum (formerly JWRP), which strengthens the connection of Jewish mothers to the Jewish homeland and Judaism through organized trips to Israel. Momentum has brought over 20,000 participants from thirty-two countries to Israel and has reached millions through podcasts and online educational offerings.

Rabbi Mark Wildes “It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect

it” (Avot 2:16).

I believe this famous phrase from Rabbi Tarfon perfectly captures what our attitude should be in engaging our less affiliated Jewish brothers and sisters. Some leaders have shared that the problems of intermarriage and assimilation are simply too mammoth for us to make a real difference, and that it would be better to focus our communal resources on keeping the Orthodox

Orthodox. After all, who said it was our responsibility to “finish the work”—to save every Jew from assimilating?

On the other hand, “we are not at liberty to neglect it.” The Torah’s obligation of “hochei’ach tochi’ach”—helping to improve our fellow Jew’s relationship with Hashem—and kol Yisrael areivim zeh lazeh—taking responsibility for those who did not have the benefit of a Jewish education—demand that we do what we can. Besides, given the incredible contribution ba’alei teshuvah have made to virtually every part of the Orthodox community and the talent and resources they bring to our communal table, how can we not strive to engage whomever we can in Orthodox Jewish life?

And so in the wake of the 2020 Pew study, what could we in the Modern Orthodox community be doing better to engage the unaffiliated? Here are a few ideas from my years in the field: Improve the prestige of outreach: Ask any outreach professional what the most important commodity is in running a successful kiruv operation, and he will tell you the same thing: talent.

The success of any outreach endeavor comes down to having the right people reaching out and teaching, and the fact is that there are simply not enough capable young Modern Orthodox men and woman who are interested in doing this. To successfully engage

educated Jewish professionals who are not Orthodox, a well-read, articulate and charismatic personality is needed.

Baruch Hashem, Yeshiva University produces dozens of smart and talented rabbis and educators each year, but few are interested in going into kiruv as a profession. The reason is partially finances (see my next subheader), but there is a deeper issue, and that is prestige. It is simply not considered prestigious in the Modern Orthodox community to go into kiruv. Years ago, when I left my last rabbinic position at a Manhattan synagogue to start MJE (Manhattan Jewish Experience), many of the ba’alei batim there asked why I couldn’t secure a rabbinic position at another synagogue. When I shared that I did have an offer to be a rabbi in another synagogue but I wanted to do outreach instead, they were perplexed.

Outreach simply did not impress them, and I fear not much has changed since. Going into kiruv needs to be seen as prestigious if we are to attract quality people. That is why so many young people in the Chabad community are vying for kiruv positions all over the world. The Lubavitcher Rebbe, zt”l, created a certain prominence to outreach, and we need to do the same.

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take issue with my mentor Rabbi Dr. Shabbat offers the peace and serenity ment has been positively impacted by the Jacob J. Schacter, who argued in the young people are seeking in their yoga amazing people they’ve gotten to know at previous issue of this publication that classes and digital detox trips. It’s the our Shabbat table. And as another one of given Pew’s findings on the signifimy teachers, Rabbi Ephraim Buchwald, same Torah but repackaged to make it pointed out, we’re more likely to share cant number of Orthodox Jews who relevant and thus more attractive to the words of Torah, sing more zemirot and leave the fold, we need to focus more non-Orthodox. This is just as important on the Orthodox community. To be for our own community. Just a few weeks speak less lashon hara when we have a sure, Rabbi Schacter’s perspective does ago, my daughter (who is seventeen and a beginner to Judaism at our table! not in any way imply that he cares less senior at Ma’ayanot Yeshiva High School Enhancing our synagogue’s about our unaffiliated brethren than he for Girls in Teaneck, New Jersey) invited tefillah experience: does about the Orthodox. MJE, which four of her friends to our home for Shab- Improving our shuls’ davening experiis dedicated to engaging the non-Orbat. When I asked the group what their ence is critical if they are to be places thodox, would literally not exist today favorite mitzvah is, they unanimously of destination for those not raised in if not for Rabbi Schacter, who helped responded—Shabbat. When I asked the Orthodox community. Our syname establish the organization back why, they also all said the same thing: gogues could always be friendlier and in 1998 and has continued to advise “Because we get to turn our phones off.” I more welcoming to newcomers, but and support me ever since. But how was surprised to hear this because they more importantly, we need to serimuch more do we continue to invest all seem to be glued to their phones ously up the ante of the singing and in the Modern Orthodox community? during the week, but apparently they love inspiration at our shuls. Besides being Between twelve years of yeshivah day putting them down on Shabbat! Marketnecessary for ba’alei teshuvah, we school, religious summer camps, one ing and publicizing this and other Jewish need it for ourselves and for our chilto two years in Israel, NCSY Kollel traditions that demonstrate the relevancy dren. Davening should be uplifting. To (and other trips designed to provide of Torah will make our community more that end, I’m currently working with more positive religious experiences), attractive to outsiders.

Legacy 613 and a group of talented OU-JLIC on college campus and the rabbis to propose certain practical Inviting others to Shabbat meals: plethora of synagogues and organiideas to enhance the tefillah experience The Modern Orthodox commuzations that cater to the Orthodox, I in Modern Orthodox synagogues. nity has two very special assets that There are, of course, other things think we can more than justifiably are not currently leveraged for outreach that we as a community can do, but I maintain that we are already heavily but could easily be: we all sit down to believe that each of these ideas on its invested in keeping the Orthodox beautiful Shabbat meals each week, own can make a real difference. The Orthodox. We could always invest and we all have some connection with Modern Orthodox community today is more, but what about our responsisomeone not Orthodox, be it a work strong enough to take care of itself and, bility to the much larger number of colleague, friend or relative. We must baruch Hashem, also has the means to Jews who have had virtually none of integrate those strengths and instiengage those outside our community. these positive Jewish experiences and tute a program whereby each Modern We don’t have to finish the task; we just whom we are losing in much greater Orthodox family or single (with him have to do our part. May Hashem bless numbers? There needs to be a balance. or her friends) invites a fellow non-Orour efforts with success.

Even if we factor in the amazing kiruv thodox Jew to their home for a Shabbat work NCSY does, as well as some other meal. This is probably already happening *Birthright Israel and Olami, each with an excess of a $100 million annual budget, are outreach organizations like NJOP, MJE here and there, but not systematically or other examples of significant investments and the like, the Modern Orthodox in any significant numbers. Even inviting in outreach to the unaffiliated, but neither community spends a fraction on kiruv one to two people once a month would are Modern Orthodox initiatives. to the unaffiliated* compared to what it make a huge difference. As my teacher spends to keep its own connected.

Rabbi Shlomo Riskin once said years Rabbi Mark Wildes is the Rebranding Judaism: ago: “For the price of a chicken, you can founder and director of the We can be doing more to show the save a Jew,” and it’s still the truth. The Manhattan Jewish Experience (MJE), a warm and open community relevance of Torah and how it speaks spiritual journey of many of MJE’s ba’alei for millennial men and women. to the issues young people grapple teshuvah and so many others (including with today. Two examples that come to my wife) started at someone’s Shabbat mind are “mindfulness” and “digital table. Such experiences can also greatly detox”—buzzwords for millennials lookbenefit our own families. Exposing ing for ways to deal with the overstimour children to those who are sincerely ulation of technology and social media. inquisitive about Judaism can be incredWe can easily demonstrate how recitibly positive for our children’s spiritual ing berachot and certain tefillot brings growth. I know this from my own kids. about mindfulness and how observing Each of my children’s religious develop60

JEWISH ACTION Spring 5782/2022

in-town

energy.

out-of-town

impact.

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Live in a community where you are so much more than a number, where everyone knows your name and your kids' names - and everything you do matters. it’s a happening place, and it’s just waiting for your impact.

ReaCh out to Chana foR moRe info

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SHEMITAH UP CLOSE:

The Heroism of Israeli Farmers T

ISRAEL

here are many nuances regarding the observance of shemitah that are informed by halachah; at times a farmer’s ideology might influence his approach as well. Jewish Action writer Toby Klein Greenwald interviewed four farmers, all formerly of Gush Katif, who today farm in various parts of the country. Each of the farmers keeps shemitah in a different way, yet they all share a passion for farming and a deep love of the Land.

Toby Klein Greenwald, a regular contributor to Jewish Action, is an award-winning journalist, playwright, poet, teacher, and the artistic director of a number of theater companies. She is the recipient of the Lifetime Achievement award from ATARA— The Association for Torah and the Arts for “dedication and contributions in creative education, journalism, theatre and the performing arts worldwide.”

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Chazal describe those who observe shemitah as “mighty in strength, gibborei ko’ach.”

This is because giving up one’s livelihood for a full year requires an extraordinary level of mesirut nefesh.

*The OU honors and appreciates the mesirut nefesh of all farmers who are observing the halachot of shemitah. As a practical matter, OU kosher-certified Israeli products and establishments do not utilize heter mechirah produce.

Photos by Rebecca Kowalsky unless otherwise indicated.

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Anita Tucker Even in egalitarian Israel, Anita Tucker—a female farmer—is an anomaly.

Anita became an iconic figure when she lived in Netzer Hazani, a settlement in Gush Katif, where she was known as “the celery lady” because of the bug-free organic celery she grew in large greenhouses.

Additionally, she served as a leading spokesperson for the struggle against the Disengagement, which ultimately destroyed her two-and-a half acres of celery-growing hothouses.

Today Anita, seventy-six, and her husband Stuart, seventy-nine, are part of a collective farm in the newly established Netzer Hazani moshav in central Israel. (Re-established after the uprooting of Gush Katif with the same name, Netzer Hazani is located near Moshav Yesodot, to the east of Ashdod.) In this collective farm, a company is hired to do the actual physical work, tending to large fields of onions, cauliflower and other vegetables. This year, however, the Tuckers, along with eighteen other farmers in the moshav, are not farming. “We decided to ‘mashmit’ the land—let it lie fallow,” she says.

Preparing in advance for shemitah, Anita’s husband, a biology teacher, has been teaching more hours in a local high school to assist with the finances. Anita has no pension from the successful organic farm she lost in Gush Katif. And despite the fact that the Tuckers won’t be farming, they still have to pay fees to the land authorities and taxes to the farming collective, she explains. (Most agricultural land in Israel belongs to the Israel Land Authority, which leases the land to the farmers.)

Shemitah in Gush Katif The Tuckers, who moved to Gush Katif in 1976 and helped found the first of three farming moshavim there, grew “almost every vegetable and flower you can think of, switching crops according to the demands of the export market,” she says.

“We grew kosher insect-free lettuce.

I began experimenting with cabbage 64

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Being a farmer is a way of life . . . . planting in and of itself is an act of faith.

-Anita Tucker The Tuckers, along with eighteen other farmers in the newly established Netzer Hazani moshav in Central Israel, are not farming for the duration of the shemitah year.

Photo: Sasson Tiram Photography

and parsley, which were successful, and each year we tried growing more leafy vegetables. In the last few years we were there, we developed an expertise in growing insect-free celery.”

The couple was finally profiting from their investments in building hothouses on the sand dunes of Gush Katif. “But everything was cut short by the expulsion,” says Tucker, “and during the following seven years of wandering [after the expulsion, the Tuckers moved from a youth hostel to a yeshivah dorm to a temporary caravan in Ein Tzurim], we spent most of our savings.”

During the first shemitah in Gush Katif some forty years ago, Rabbi Shlomo Goren ruled that the area was not considered within the halachic boundaries of Eretz Yisrael. “Even the more Chareidi hechsherim certified us that year,” she says. By the time the second shemitah in Gush Katif came around, Israel’s Chief Rabbinate ruled that there was a “safek,” a doubt regarding the status of the land. So the Tuckers decided to grow crops in accordance with the shemitah laws.

They grew produce detached from the ground and in greenhouses with a roof. They used flowerpots that had drain holes on the side instead of at the bottom, and they lined the floors of the greenhouses with thick plastic sheeting to ensure that the produce did not derive any nourishment from the ground. (This method is known as matza menutak, literally, “detached platform.”)

According to many authorities, vegetables grown in this manner are exempt from shemitah restrictions.

This shemitah cycle, says Tucker, is the first time she merited to own land where there are no doubts regarding its status. “Jews living outside of Israel can’t have that zechut.

I hope they’ll come on aliyah.”

With regard to eating fruits and vegetables during the shemitah year, the Tuckers try to only buy “produce with kedushat shevi’it” (fruits and vegetables that have reached a certain stage of growth during shemitah, which have a special holiness). Indeed, according to some

halachic opinions, there is a positive mitzvah to consume such produce.

Managing Financially While their farming income nowadays is significantly less than when they farmed in Gush Katif—it brings in approximately NIS 2,500 a month (about $793) before land and co-op taxes—Tucker is grateful for this supplemental income.

During shemitah, while the land lies fallow, she is hopeful that they will get some financial help from the Keren HaShemitah, a private fund that supports shemitahobservant farmers. “Still, in spite of the financial challenge,” she says, “we feel it is an amazing zechut to be able to mashmit our land.”

Farming is also a way for Tucker to connect to the land. “We farm for the additional income but also as an expression of our love of Eretz Yisrael, to see it flourish as promised.

“Being a farmer is a way of life,” she adds. “Some years you can make more and some years less, but planting in and of itself is an act of faith. [In the Talmud], Masechet Zera’im is referred to as ‘Masechet Emunah,’ the ‘Tractate of Faith.’”

Eliyahu Saban This past erev Rosh Hashanah, Eliyahu Saban turned off the main water valve that irrigates the vegetables he grows in thirty-five glorious dunams (about eight and a half acres) of hothouses.

Eliyahu, like the Tuckers, is not working his land during shemitah.

“I keep the mitzvah of ‘Shabbat laHashem,’ and the land rests,” he says.

Saban’s farm is located in southern Israel, in Be’er Ganim, a village north of Ashkelon that was created for the residents of Moshav Gadid, the religious Bnei Akiva moshav in Gush Katif, and eight other Gush Katif communities, though it opened its doors to others as well. For twenty-three years, Saban lived in Moshav Gadid, where he was one of the growers of the famous bugless lettuce, which he continues to grow in Be’er Ganim.

“Today there is a huge market for bugless lettuce. Even those who are

If you keep shemitah and you believe that’s what you’re supposed to do, then the Creator takes care of you.

-Eliyahu Saban Eliyahu Saban is not working his land during shemitah.

not Torah-observant want to eat this kind of lettuce, because they know it’s healthier, as there is such strict regulation regarding the use of pesticides,” says Saban. “The Ministry of Agriculture checks the fields, and post-production they check packages on supermarket shelves for pesticide residue. For this reason, the farmers are afraid to spray more than they should.”

How does Saban spend all of his free time this year with no farming work keeping him busy?

“I’m learning more Torah and I work at a slower pace, which this year means upgrading things around the farm, such as the water system, the screens, and other things that are not connected to the earth itself. I come home and learn Torah again, as it says, ‘Vehagita bo yomam valailah’— one must study during the day and night. I’m having a wonderful time.”

Saban says he is managing financially. “You have to let the land lie fallow with full emunah,” he explains. “I understand when people say it’s difficult. I say whoever keeps the Torah as it’s written by the Creator of the World should do so sincerely, not because he thinks he will get [compensation] from the Ministry of Agriculture or from American donors. When I sat with the Ministry of Agriculture representative, I told him, ‘I don’t want to know how much compensation I’ll get. Even if I don’t get one shekel, I’m going to let the land rest.’ I tell my friends who are farmers: ‘If you do it for the money, don’t do shemitah. Don’t you think the Creator knows what’s in your heart? You need to do it because this is what’s written in the Torah.’ Every time I keep shemitah—and this is the fifth shemitah cycle I am not working the land—I see more and more blessing. If you keep shemitah and you believe that’s what you’re supposed to do, then the Creator takes care of you and there will be blessing.”

David Ben Saadon David Ben Saadon always loved agriculture. As a teen he studied in an agricultural high school and subsequently, in 1978, he was involved Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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in establishing Moshav Gadid where he learned how to grow insect-free lettuce. Today he grows lettuce for the Chasalat-Alei Katif company on a farm in Zikim, a kibbutz south of Ashkelon.

Chasalat-Alei Katif is the largest insect-free vegetable company in Israel.

After the destruction of Gush Katif, when Ben Saadon was forced out of Moshav Gadid, he did not receive enough financial help from the Israeli government to recoup his losses. So he moved to South America, where he set up a farm in the Dominican Republic. “I had 450 dunams there, and we exported produce to the US and Canada. I would fly back and forth to Israel to see my family,” he says. “After almost six years I returned to Israel and my family was still living in prefab ‘caravillot’ [caravans] in Nitzan.”

In 2010, he returned to live in Israel and established the farm in Zikim, where he works now, growing high-quality lettuce. “All of Am Yisrael eats my produce; we have kashrut mehuderet.”

The laws of shemitah apply only to produce grown within the boundaries of Eretz Yisrael. Exactly where the boundaries extend is a matter of halachic controversy. Some authorities rule that anything grown south of Ashkelon (including Gush Katif) is outside the boundaries of Eretz Yisrael.

Others extend the boundaries well into part of the Negev desert (east of Nachal Arava) until Eilat. Zikim—which is south of Ashkelon—is in an area considered “kibbush Olei Mitzrayim” [within the borders created by the Israelites who left Egypt and entered the Land of Israel with Yehoshua].

According to the Mishnah, when the Jews returned to Eretz Yisrael from Bavel after seventy years, the areas in which they settled and which Ezra sanctified regained their kedushah and are referred to as kibbush Olei Bavel.

The laws of shemitah are only partially binding in parts of the country that were conquered by Yehoshua (kibbush Olei Mitzrayim) but were not reconquered by Ezra.

Ben Saadon’s lettuce is under the supervision of Otzar Ha’aretz, an organization that seeks to advance 66

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My son and I do not work; it is assur [forbidden].

-David Ben Saadon Ben Saadon owns a farm in Zikim.

the proper observance of shemitah through overseeing an otzar beit din and other initiatives, and to strengthen Jewish agriculture. During shemitah, Ben Saadon sells his land to a non-Jew in a transaction known as “heter mechirah l’chumrah.” Rav Moshe Baraness, who oversees all the Otzar Ha’aretz produce, explains: “We were required [in Ben Saadon’s area, considered kibbush Olei Mitzrayim] by the rabbanim of Otzar Ha’aretz and also according to the directives of Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, zt”l, and the Chief Rabbinate of Israel to make a heter mechirah. So we do a heter mechirah l’chumrah. It is not the regular heter mechirah that you are used to that is within the borders of ha’aretz, but it is in a different area, in the area of Olei Mitzrayim.”

In other years, Ben Saadon and his son work hard on the farm. What does he do differently during shemitah?

“My son and I do not work; it is assur [forbidden]. We just supervise our workers from Thailand, who have been with us for a number of years, and they manage the work.”

Ben Saadon believes in finding solutions for farmers during shemitah while also strengthening Jewish agriculture. “If the Jews stop working the land, Arabs will work the land and they will sell their produce, making it more difficult for Jews to [reenter the market] after shemitah,” he explains.

“We want to settle Eretz Yisrael and we want to hold on to the earth, and we believe we should do that through agriculture. This is one way of fulfilling ‘kibbush ha’Aretz,’ acquiring the Land.”

Ruminating on the life of a farmer, he notes: “Our parnassah is from the land. It is not easy during the shemitah year; we have a lot of competition from the Arabs.”

At the end of the day, however, Ben Saadon knows that it’s Hashem controlling his livelihood—whether or not it’s a shemitah year. “It’s a real challenge when you work in agriculture; it’s not like when you work in a factory [and you receive a regular paycheck],” he says. “You are dependent on the grace of Heaven for rain in the winter and you have to deal with

insects and with drought,” he says. “To be a farmer, you need strong emunah.”

Assaf Assis Assaf Assis has been a farmer from the day he was born. He grew up on a moshav helping his parents raise cows and grow cotton and peanuts, only taking a break to serve in the Israeli army and study at university.

During the War of Attrition, Assis was stationed in the Sinai Desert, where he was wounded and lost a leg.

Since then, he walks with a prosthesis.

His prosthesis notwithstanding, Assis is today one of the most successful growers of geraniums and other flowering plants in Israel.

In the southern industrial area of Ashkelon in some eighty dunams (around twenty acres) of greenhouses, he grows about a hundred different species of flowers and plants, in a variety of colors and sizes.

As a shemitah-observant farmer, Assis grows his flowers following specific halachic guidelines.

“Shemitah is a beautiful mitzvah but hard to keep in the modern world. If I stopped working entirely during shemitah, I would have to fire fifty workers,” he says.

Assis grows his flowers in a greenhouse with a roof, on tables that are disconnected from the ground (matza menutak) and with plastic sheeting between the tables and the ground, which provides a “chatzitzah,” a separation between the plants and the ground. Assis states that he always grows his flowers this way— even during a non-shemitah year.

He explains that shemitah is rooted in the idea that there shouldn’t be significant economic gaps in society.

“Shemitah is not a stand-alone mitzvah. It includes shemitat karka’ot [the land rests], shemitat kesafim [monetary debts are forgiven], and yovel [after forty-nine years the land returns to its original owner].

“All these mitzvot are in order that the poor people of your town be able to eat . . . I see it as doing a ‘reset’ once in seven years,” he says.

Assis got into the flower business in 1983 when he and his wife Bracha

A farmer without emunah is not a farmer.

-Assaf Assis Assis grows his flowers in a greenhouse with a roof, on tables that are disconnected from the ground (matza menutak) and with plastic sheeting between the tables and the ground.

moved to Moshav Ganei Tal in Gush Katif. All the farmers were regulated and could only grow a certain amount of crops. Regulations were even imposed on farms that produced milk, chickens and eggs, as well as on the aquaculture industry. “So I looked to grow something where I could decide how much I could grow and to whom I could sell,” he says.

Along with some others, Assis began growing geraniums, as there were fewer regulations governing the production of flowers and he could sell as much as he wanted abroad. “In the beginning I raised various types of gypsophila flowers [baby’s breath].” Eventually, there were twenty-two flower growers in Ganei Tal—flowers became one of Gush Katif’s leading agricultural products. With the destruction of Gush Katif, Assis did not allow the business he had built for over thirty years to dissolve. At his own expense, he transported hundreds of geranium plants from the Gush to the outskirts of Ashkelon, where he found land on which to rebuild his greenhouses.

Farming is not easy, admits Assis.

“To be a true farmer, one needs to be connected twenty-four hours a day to the ground. You constantly walk around the area to be sure that what you are doing is good for the plants.”

And yet Assis, like the others interviewed, cannot envision doing anything else; farming is in his blood. “I have a primal love—love for the earth, the adamah. As a farmer, you see the renewal every day. One must believe that something will come from it, and we have the experience of years confirming it.”

Emunah and farming are inextricably linked, says Assis, echoing the others.

“When do people begin to remember that we need Hakadosh Baruch Hu? When there is no rain. So once a year an ordinary person thinks about the rain.

When you are a farmer, the little plant needs you every moment, and so every moment you think about Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Every farmer has faith deep within him. A farmer without emunah is not a farmer.”

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FOOD

Hard Truths about Soft Matzah

By Carol Ungar

Carol Ungar is an award-winning writer whose essays have appeared in Tablet, the Jerusalem Post, Ami Magazine, Jewish Action and other publications. She teaches memoir writing and is the author of several children’s books. Special thanks to Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky, who helped with the preparation of this article.

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W

hat could possibly be new about matzah? Halachah lays out the recipe—flour, water and nothing else. No room for chocolate chips, chipotle or even pumpkin spice, and yet over the past few years a different kind of matzah has been turning up in the freezer section of kosher supermarkets: soft matzah. While such matzah is most certainly not new—it has old roots and continues to exist is some parts of the Sephardic world—in recent years it has become more commercially available.

Contemporary soft matzot are factory baked, wrapped in plastic and stored in the freezer. (These

Yemenite Jews preparing matzot in Tzfat in April 2020.

Photo: David Cohen/Flash90

matzot must be defrosted immediately before being served.) But are they authentic matzot? To Ashkenazim, they look suspiciously similar to chametz flatbreads, such as laffa or pita.

Interestingly, these “new” soft matzot may be truer to tradition than their hard, more cracker-like brothers.

Scholars claim that soft matzah was the “bread of affliction” eaten in Talmudic times and probably earlier.

“There’s lots of textual proof that matzah in Talmudic times was softer and thicker,” says Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky, a Jewish Action columnist who has co-authored several scholarly articles on this subject.1 “Back then the matzot looked like pitot.” Supporting

soft texture? It’s all about the water. this claim, he cites a Talmudic “Generally speaking, the less water, the discussion about confusing chametz and matzah. OU Rabbinic Coordinator harder and drier the matzah will be,” states Rabbi Avraham Manning in an Rabbi Avrohom Juravel also notes online article.4 Rabbi Manning teaches that the Shulchan Aruch refers to a matzah that is a “tefach thick,” which in many educational institutions is about three or four inches thick. including the OU’s Seymour J. Abrams For Sephardim who use soft matzot Jerusalem World Center. Soft matzah for the Sedarim, there are certain bakers routinely add more than twice advantages. Gone is the agony of the amount of water used in hard rummaging through the box of matzot, making the dough pliable, shemurah matzah to hunt down he explains. While the preparation three shleimim, unbroken matzot. of hard shemurah matzot requires Almost by definition, all soft matzot skilled workers for rolling, riddling are shaleim, or whole; their softness and placing the matzah in the oven, obviates the possibility of breaking. some of whom charge as much as Soft matzot also make quick work $1,000 a day, soft matzot can be easier of eating shiurim, the halachically to knead and roll, although making mandated measurements that one them also requires a unique skill set. must consume to perform the mitzvah At the Avoteinu bakery in Ashdod, of achilat matzah. While one might Israel—the industry leader in soft need as many as two-and-a-half pieces matzah baking—the Yemenite of handmade shemurah matzah to hole-less soft matzot are formed fulfill the Seder night requirements, inside a hot oven. “We have no one soft matzah might contain five or tables or rolling pins. Just a bowl more kezayit measurements. “No need for hand-kneaded dough,” says to stuff yourself,” says Rabbi Yosef Rabbi Shmuel Gerafy, CEO of the Korkos of Boca Raton’s Maor David bakery. “Because the oven is hot (up Sephardic Synagogue, which boasts the to 842° F) our workers must move only matzah bakery in South Florida. quickly or they’ll be burned.” It is The bakery produces Ashkenazic and still far lower than the oven heat Sephardic matzot. “Best of all,” he used to bake Ashkenazi shemurah adds, “with soft matzah one may be matzot, which can go up to 1300° F. able to eat korech, the famous Hillel “This is cheaper and simpler,” says matzah-and-maror sandwich, as a Rabbi Korkos. The difference is wrap, which was the way some posekim reflected in the price. Soft matzot believe it is meant to be eaten.”2 generally sell for $30 a pound, while handmade Ashkenazi shemurah Another benefit is that soft matzot matzah can cost more. “You can are indisputably deserving of the get away with one matzah per Hamotzi blessing. As for hard person [to fulfill the mitzvah], as cracker matzot (known in halachic opposed to two-and-a-half pieces parlance as rekikim), some Sephardic of hand shemurah,” says Rabbi Eli posekim, including Rabbi Ovadiah David, who sells soft matzah.

Yosef, maintain that they get the So is soft matzah really new? Well, berachah of Mezonot. And not only yes and no. In earlier centuries, matzot Sephardic posekim maintain this were usually baked at home in both position. The Tzitz Eliezer, Rabbi the Sephardi and Ashkenazi world, Eliezer Waldenberg, a well-respected often during Pesach. Furthermore, as twentieth-century Ashkenazi posek, stated previously, it seems that the debated whether Hamotzi should be matzot back then were thicker than the recited over hard matzot, ultimately ones we use today. Already hundreds justifying the berachah on the of years ago, due to urbanization grounds that the matzah forms the and other factors, matzah began to basis of the meal.3 (The debate over be produced well in advance of the the blessing on matzah is relevant holiday. Because of the long storage year round, not just on Pesach.) period, matzot were made thinner and How do soft matzot achieve their Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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Yemenite soft matzah.

Courtesy of Rabb Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky

While such matzah is most certainly not new—it has old roots in the Sephardic world—in recent years it has become more commercially available. drier so they would last. At the same time, some posekim also encouraged a thinner product fearing that thicker matzot might contain unbaked dough, which could turn to chametz.5 This is a serious halachic concern. “The thicker the matzah, the more likely the dough inside is not baked well,” explains Rabbi Juravel. “If water intermingles with the unbaked flour, the matzah becomes pure chametz.” Therefore, most Ashkenazic posekim are opposed to Ashkenazim consuming soft matzah on Pesach. “The only ones who can eat soft matzah are those Sephardim who have a mesorah on how to make it properly without it becoming chametz,” says Rabbi Juravel.

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Generally speaking, Yemenite soft matzot don’t have holes. Rabbis Korkos punches holes into the soft matzot to prevent them from puffing up as that is a sign it may be becoming chametz.

Rabbi Gerafy uses specially trained workers who form the soft matzot inside the oven and watch very closely to make sure they don’t puff up.

Yemenite Jews were among a small group of outlier communities where Jews continued baking matzot at home and during the holiday. This wasn’t always easy. Yom Tov Tzemah, a representative from the Alliance Israelite Universelle (a Paris-based international Jewish organization that protects the rights of Jews around the

world), who visited Yemen in 1920, noted that while the soft matzot the Yemenites baked during the holiday were far tastier than the Ashkenazi cracker variety, the twice daily baking schedule was grueling for the bakers—most of them female. “What is the life of the women here, if not sadness and work?” he wrote.6 Is there a solution? Better flavor and less work? At the start of the twenty-first century, a new generation of Sephardic Jews started using refrigeration to revive the soft matzah tradition, while at the same time allowing the bakers to enjoy the holiday. They looked to the old-time home bakers. Rabbi Gerafy grew up with the tradition and learned how to bake soft matzah from his great-grandmother. And yet he and his family don’t bake during the holiday. At the Avoteinu bakery, baking starts around Chanukah, at the same time the Ashkenazi shemurah matzah factories start their work.

Instead of wrapping the matzot in the familiar brown sheets of butcher

A Yemenite family celebrating the Pesach Seder at their new home in Tel Aviv in 1946. Photo: Zoltan Kluger/Israel Government Press Office

paper, soft matzot are inserted into sealed plastic bags and then shrinkwrapped boxes, which are stored in freezers. In the US, soft matzah bakeries start production in Adar.

All of those mentioned in this article who are involved in baking soft matzah have seen increased demand among Sephardi consumers. “Everybody likes them,” says Rabbi Korkos. “Last year was the first time we sold our matzot in stores. We sold 450 boxes, but we could have easily sold twice as many.”

Rabbi David ships out thousands of pounds each year via Federal Express. “Interest increases from year to year,” says Rabbi Gerafy. When he began fifteen years ago, his annual sales hovered around 800 pounds.

“Now we sell fifteen tons a year.”

The OU does not certify any soft matzah bakeries. “Former OU Kosher posek Rav Yisroel Belsky, zt”l, would not permit the OU to certify soft matzah,” explains OU Rabbinic Coordinator Rabbi Eli Gersten. “Although strictly speaking there is no halachah that forbids this,

Note: Baking matzah (soft or hard) for Pesach use is a serious business.

The resulting product will either be kosher for Passover matzah or it will be chametz (there is no middle ground). Consuming chametz on Pesach carries a prohibition of karet. Thus, unless one is an expert in the details of these halachot, it is best not to try it on one’s own.

and there are Sephardim who have a tradition on how to bake them, the minhag of Ashkenazim is not to eat soft matzot.” Rabbanim also warn against home baking experiments— especially during Pesach. “It’s too easy to make a mistake and end up with actual chametz,” says Rabbi Gersten.

For those who are halachically permitted to consume them on Pesach, soft matzot are a tasty alternative to classic matzah boards. What about the rest of us?

Enjoy them during the rest of the year— with or without chocolate chips.

Notes 1. See, for example, Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky and Dr. Ari Greenspan, “The Halachic Acceptability of Soft Matzah,” Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society (spring 2014), p. 108.

2. Not everyone agrees. According to some rabbis, korech is derived from the word “krach,” which means a walled city, implying a hard matzah covering the maror. See Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky and Dr. Ari Greenspan, “The Thick and Thin of the History of Matzah,” Hakirah: The Flatbush Journal of Jewish Law and Thought 17 (spring 2014).

3. Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky and Dr. Ari Greenspan, “The Halachic Acceptability of Soft Matzah,” Journal of Halacha and Contemporary Society, p. 116.

4. See Rabbi Avraham Manning, “Halachic and Hashkafic Issues in Contemporary Society,” https://www.ou.org/holidays/ files/Halachic-and-Hashkafic-Issues-in-Contemporary-Society-OU-Israel-Center-Shiur-209-Soft-Matza.pdf.

5. Ibid.

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THE CHEF’S TABLE

BOLDER and BRIGHTER FLAVORS of PESACH

By Naomi Ross

A

sea of tan and beige covered the Pesach table of my youth.

While we are supposed to view ourselves as having left Egypt, I assume the sand-inspired landscape was an unintended desert experience, a splitting of the sea of matzah meal and mashed potatoes.

Though the food was always delicious and plentiful, it was a typical Ashkenazi heritage of mono-chromatic offerings.

Exotic herbs and spices did not abound in Poland. Potatoes did.

When I started making Pesach in my own home, I was determined to brighten up the colors and flavors to enhance the menu and our feeling of freedom. Choosing other root vegetables, building in more colorful vegetables and spices, and using strong vibrant flavors have definitely given our Pesach table a facelift. Most of these recipes can be made ahead—without sacrificing flavor or color. A fresh garnishing of herbs can always be done right before serving to spruce up a dish. Wishing you all a chag kasher v’sameach—a bold and beautiful Pesach!

Naomi Ross is a cooking instructor and food writer based in Woodmere, New York. She teaches classes throughout the country and writes articles connecting good cooking and Jewish inspiration. She is excited to be writing her first cookbook, which will be released next year.

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Italian Veal Stew Yields 6 servings

A flavorful braised stew perfect for Pesach or any other time of year. Serve over a bed of mashed potatoes or quinoa.

2-2½ pounds cubed veal stew meat 1 teaspoon kosher salt, divided, or more to taste Freshly ground black pepper, to taste 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 onion, roughly chopped 1 large red pepper, cut into strips 2 large carrots, sliced 4 garlic cloves, peeled and chopped 3-4 sprigs fresh rosemary 1 teaspoon dried thyme 5-6 plum tomatoes, cut into eighths 8 ounces mushrooms, quartered 2 ⁄₃ cup plus 1 tablespoon white wine, divided 1½ bunches scallions, chopped ¼ cup fresh orange juice 1 tablespoon potato starch Chopped parsley, for garnish Season veal cubes with ½ teaspoon kosher salt and black pepper to taste.

Heat olive oil in a large Dutch oven or pot over medium-high heat. Brown veal cubes on each side, turning once (you may need to do this in batches).

Transfer veal to a separate dish.

Add 1 tablespoon wine to the pot, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Add onions, peppers and carrots; season with remaining ½ teaspoon kosher salt and

pepper to taste. Sauté until tender, about 8-9 minutes.

Add 2 ⁄3 cup wine and stir to blend; bring back to a simmer, then return veal to pot and add garlic, rosemary and thyme. Cover, reduce heat to low; simmer covered for 30 minutes.

Add tomatoes, stir to blend and continue to cook covered for 15 minutes.

Then add mushrooms; continue to cook covered for another 15 minutes.

Combine orange juice and potato starch in a small bowl, whisking to blend until completely dissolved; pour mixture into pot and add scallions.

Cook for another five minutes, stirring often until stew broth has thickened and veal is tender (test with fork).

Season to taste, adding more salt or pepper as needed. Garnish with a sprinkling of chopped parsley.

Horseradish-Hazelnut Crusted Fish Yields 6 servings

What a perfectly flavorful way to use up that leftover Seder horseradish! Have no fear, grated horseradish loses its potency as it cooks. This simple recipe works well with thick fish fillets like halibut or cod as specified below, but is just as delicious with thinner fish fillets like tilapia. If using tilapia or the like, reduce cooking time to 8-9 minutes, depending on thickness. Be sure to pre-toast your nuts for best flavor!

Chocolate-Cherry Pistachio Tart Photos: Baila Gluck

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6 (4-5 ounce) fillets halibut or cod 1½ tablespoons mayonnaise or aioli (garlic mayo) ¾ teaspoon Kosher salt or more to taste Freshly ground black pepper ¾ cup packed grated fresh horseradish ¾ cup toasted, chopped hazelnuts 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 1-2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley Lemon wedges Preheat oven to 425°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Rinse fillets and pat dry; place fillets on a baking sheet. Season fillets liberally with ¾ teaspoon salt and pepper to taste. Spread a thin layer of mayonnaise over top of each fillet, about ½-¾ teaspoon of mayonnaise per fillet.

Combine horseradish and nuts together in a small bowl. Add oil and toss until mixture is moistened.

Mound a few tablespoons of the mixture on top of each fillet, spreading and packing it down in an even layer.

Roast uncovered for 13-15 minutes (depending on thickness) on center rack in the oven. Crust should appear golden and completely opaque (from side view), and the fish should flake easily with a fork.

Sprinkle fillets with parsley and serve with lemon wedges.

Provençal Roasted Root Vegetables Yields 8-10 servings

Herbes de Provence is a mixture of dried herbs representative of the Provence region of southeast France.

Mild yet earthy, this spice blend is a wonderful staple to have on hand for savory dishes, especially root vegetables.

1 small or half a large rutabaga (about 3 pounds), peeled, and cut into 2-inch long slices (¼-inch thick) 3 large or 4 medium red beets, peeled, halved and sliced (¼-inch thick) 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons Herbes de Provence, divided* 2½ teaspoons kosher salt, divided Freshly ground black pepper 1 tablespoon plus 2 teaspoons honey ½ cup olive oil, divided 3-4 tablespoons fresh chopped parsley *If Herbes de Provence is not available, make your own with the following recipe: 74

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1 tablespoon celery seed (optional) 1 tablespoon marjoram 1 tablespoon basil 1 tablespoon oregano 1 tablespoon rosemary 1 tablespoon thyme Combine all spices and mix to blend.

Store in an airtight jar or container.

Preheat oven to 450°F and adjust top rack to rung closest to the heating element.

Line two large baking sheets with heavy duty foil or parchment paper.

Arrange sliced rutabaga on one baking sheet. Sprinkle with 1 tablespoon Herbes de Provence, 1½ teaspoons salt, and freshly ground black pepper to taste. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon honey and ¼ cup olive oil. Toss to distribute spices and coat evenly with oil, spreading to an even layer on baking sheet. Place baking sheet on prepared top oven rack in oven and roast for 20-25 minutes until tender, tossing halfway through cooking time.

Repeat with sliced beets on second baking sheet and toss with remaining spices, honey and oil. Roast for 15-20 minutes until tender, tossing halfway through cooking time. (Roasting the beets and rutabaga separately will prevent the beet juice from staining the rutabaga during cooking.)

Combine roasted rutabaga and beets before serving and sprinkle with chopped parsley.

Chocolate-Cherry Pistachio Tart Yields 8-10 servings

This lovely tart features a pistachio frangipane, a French pastry filling that is traditionally made with almonds. It perfectly complements the flavor of the chocolate and sour cherries.

Chocolate Shortbread Crust 1½ cup (10 ounces) shelled, unsalted pistachios 1 ⁄3 cup sugar ¼ cup cocoa 1/8 teaspoon salt 6 tablespoons butter or margarine, melted 1 egg white ½ teaspoon vanilla 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped (about 2/3 cup)

Filling ¾ cup (5 ounces) shelled raw pistachios ½ cup sugar 5 tablespoons unsalted butter or margarine, cut into 1-inch pieces ¼ cup potato starch 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract ¼ teaspoon almond extract Pinch of salt 1 cup frozen sour cherries, thawed; or jarred sour cherries, drained Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease a 10-inch-diameter tart pan with removable bottom and set aside.

Process pistachios, cocoa, sugar and salt in food processor until nuts are ground. Add melted butter/margarine, egg white and vanilla, pulsing until mixture is a moistened paste.

Transfer mixture to the tart pan.

Using your hands (easiest with gloves!), press evenly onto bottom and up sides of pan in an even layer.

Bake crust for about 12-15 minutes; turn off oven. Sprinkle chopped chocolate over bottom of crust and return to shut (hot) oven for 5 minutes.

Remove crust from oven; use a knife or offset spatula to spread melting chocolate evenly over the bottom of the crust. Transfer crust to rack to cool completely.

Meanwhile, prepare the filling.

Combine nuts and sugar in food processor. Pulse, blending until nuts are finely ground. Add butter/margarine and process until creamed into a thick paste. Add potato starch, eggs, extracts and salt. Process until creamy and mostly smooth.

Spread filling evenly into crust.

Arrange cherries in concentric circles atop filling. Bake tart until filling is lightly browned and set, about 40 minutes. Cool tart completely on rack.

When cool, remove from tart pan and serve.

Chef’s Note: Both the pastry and the filling can be made one day ahead and stored separately before baking (filling should be refrigerated).

Herbes de Provence

Provençal Roasted Root Vegetables

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of “who moved that?” can constitute Natan seems to accept the principle of chai nosei et atzmo and thus exempts the a melachah. But when a person is in a carrier, while the rabbis seemingly reject new location, no one would ask such a question because the person could have the concept. gotten to the new location on his own.

The ensuing Talmudic discussion Thus, even if he were carried, the carrier (Shabbat 94a) narrows the scope of the is exempt.3 In this construct, chai nosei disagreement, with Rava explaining et atzmo is not referring to when the that the debate relates only to animals, but that with regard to carrying a person is being carried (on Shabbat), but is a general statement indicating that human, the Sages agree that no Torah the person is mobile, i.e., he is capable of prohibition is violated.1 According to Rava, Rabi Natan also concedes that “carrying himself.” the principle does not apply to a bound While not stated explicitly in the

By Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky creature who cannot assist in balancMishnah or Gemara, the commentators ing his own weight. understand that the principle of chai This principle seems to be rather nosei et atzmo is behind the Mishnaic strange—why should there be an rule (Shabbat 18:2 [128b]) that one may Misconception: On Shabbat it is permitexemption for carrying an unbound, lead a young child in a public thoroughted to carry a child in a public domain living person? Rashi (Shabbat 93b, s.v. fare as long as one is not actually dragthat does not have an eruv because of the et hachai) says that the person being ging the child. This is because even if he principle of “chai nosei et atzmo—living carried “lightens himself and carries ends up carrying the child, there would beings ‘carry’ themselves.” himself” to a certain degree, possibly be no Biblical violation, only a rabbinic Fact: This is not a new misconcepone. The Shulchan Aruch (OC 308:41) similar to the Gemara’s statement (Gittion—the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch (82:10; codifies this and explains that leading tin 56a) that a live body is lighter than 1864) and Mishnah Berurah (308:154; a child is permitted as long as the child a dead one. Tosafot (Shabbat 94a, s.v.

1891) both note that there are people ambles along, always supporting himself she’hachai) are bothered by that suggeswho erroneously think that chai nosei et tion because one is liable for carrying on one leg. atzmo permits them to carry a child on even a very light load; thus why should Limitations of the rule their shoulders on Shabbat in a public it matter that the person being carried The halachah is clear that chai nosei et thoroughfare. While this halachic prin- “makes himself lighter”? They suggest, atzmo removes the Biblical prohibition ciple indeed exists and exempts one Bib- rather, that the exemption is due to the of carrying a person in a Biblical reshut lically, it remains rabbinically prohibited fact that there is no precedent for carharabbim (public domain), yet rabbinto carry a child in a public domain on rying a living being in the construction ically it remains prohibited to carry a Shabbat unless there is an eruv. of the Mishkan, the source of all of the person even in a carmelit, an open area Shabbat melachot.2 Tosafot HaRosh (s.v.

Background: The final item in the that is rabbinically treated as a public she’hachai; Yachin on this mishnah had Mishnah’s list of the thirty-nine domain.4 Nonetheless, the Mishnah a similar understanding) did not see the melachot prohibited on Shabbat (ShabBerurah (308:154) says that those who relevance of the fact that there was no bat 7:2) is hotza’ah, carrying between a will certainly not listen should not be carrying of living creatures in the Mishpublic and a private domain or carrycorrected (cf. MB 608:3) so that they kan and think this explanation does not ing four amot within a public domain. remain unintentional, rather than fit with the words of the Gemara. They Among the details mentioned in the intentional, sinners. Binyan Tzion understood that the exemption of carry- (siman 20) cautions that this does not subsequent series of mishnayot is the ing a person is an extension of the rule statement (Shabbat 10:5; 93b): “[If one imply that one should rule leniently, regarding two people jointly doing a carries] a living person in a bed, he is not but merely that one not rebuke those liable even for the bed because the bed is melachah, because in general one cannot who would not listen. carry a living person without his assissecondary to the person; [if one carries] Tosafot (Shabbat 130a, s.v. Rabbi a corpse in a bed, he is liable.” In analyz- tance. Note that the opening section of Eliezer; cf. Tosafot, Shabbat 94a, s.v. that very mishnah deals with the rule ing the mishnah, the Gemara (Shabbat aval) seem to suggest that even an eightabout two people doing a melachah.

94a) quotes a Tanaitic debate (Tosefta, day-old baby is included in the principle Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Shabbat, ch. 9) in which Rabi Natan of chai nosei et atzmo. However, based exempts one who carries a living animal, Moshe 1:YD:2) offers a novel explanation on a Talmudic statement (Shabbat 141b), while the Sages hold him liable; i.e., Rabi of chai nosei et atzmo. He says that the most authorities rule that carrying a explanation of Tosafot is only relevant person who cannot walk is a Biblical for Rabi Natan’s view, but that the Sages prohibition (Mishnah Berurah 308:154— Rabbi Dr. Ari Z. Zivotofsky is a derive their position from the followsee list of Rishonim in Biur Halachah professor of neuroscience at ing logic: A change in an object’s locaBar-Ilan University in Israel.

308:41, s.v. shelo, and Sha’ar Hatziyun tion that is enough to elicit a question LEGAL-EASE

WHAT’S THE TRUTH ABOUT...

Chai Nosei et Atzmo?

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308:124;5 Aruch Hashulchan, OC 308:67).

Rambam (Hilchot Shabbat 18:16-17) seems to include all people, without any indication of age distinctions or walking ability, in the principle.

Rava had explained that chai nosei et atzmo does not apply to a bound individual. Rambam (Hilchot Shabbat 18:16, possibly derived from Yoma 66b or Rosh Hashanah 1:9) equates a sick person who cannot ambulate with a bound person, to whom chai nosei et atzmo does not apply. So too, Tosafot (Shabbat 130a, s.v. Rabbi Eliezer) suggest that chai nosei et atzmo does not apply to a sick child, and that is how the Magen Avraham (308:70) rules.

Leniencies based on chai nosei et atzmo6 Shemirat Shabbat Kehilchatah (18:51, with note 202) and Yalkut Yosef (Dinei Chinuch Katan 5763, 301:5 [p. 182]) rule that a child who is mildly ill7 and knows how to walk may be carried to a doctor even in a public domain because chai nosei et atzmo makes it a rabbinic prohibition and rabbinic prohibitions are permitted for a mildly sick individual.8 If he cannot walk on his own, i.e., a mildly ill baby, he may be carried in a carmelit.9 Similarly, even in the case of a mildly sick child, a non-Jew may be asked to carry the child (even in a reshut harabbim) or drive him to a doctor (Shemirat Shabbat Kehilchatah 38:28). While the above is the opinion of both Shemirat Shabbat Kehilchatah and Yalkut Yosef, it is not obvious that all rabbinic prohibitions may be violated for a “mildly sick individual” (choleh she’ein bo sakanah).

Rav Hershel Schachter (Eretz Hatzvi #6) distinguishes between a gezeirah d’rabbanan and a melachah d’rabbanan. If carrying a child is a melachah, and not a gezeirah, it may be prohibited to carry a child who is a choleh she’ein bo sakanah.

Rabbi Shaul Breisch (She’eilat Shaul, OC 44) brings various proofs that carrying a child who can walk is prohibited in a carmelit, but says, basing himself on Rabbi Akiva Eiger (Shu”t 28) and other lenient positions, that if one is walking with a child who gets tired or starts to cry and absolutely refuses to budge, one may be lenient and carry the child in a carmelit. Similarly, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Moshe 4:OC:91) permitted

carrying a crying, uncooperative child in to merely stop every less-than-four amot or whether one must actually put down a carmelit, but not if the adult was “lazy” the object or sit down is debated (see Beit and simply did not want to walk slowly.10 Yosef, OC 266; Magen Avraham 266:9, Because chai nosei et atzmo reduces Taz, OC 266:4; and Mishnah Berurah the carrying to a rabbinic prohibition, 266:18, who cites both opinions). the Pri Megadim (Mishbetzet Zahav The phrase chai nosei et atzmo is 301:12) permits non-Jews (but not Jews) used as an expression, even if not in to carry a scholar when he is needed by its original halachic sense, in other the public. Tzitz Eliezer (13:32) comareas of halachah.14 For example, the bines this principle with other reasons to permit a person who usually does not Shach (YD 58:14) uses it to explain why rely on an eruv to carry a child in a place a sheep is not in the treifah (injury or with an eruv. defect to the animal that would render The mishnah that teaches the principle it nonkosher) category of “nefulah” if a of chai nosei et atzmo also teaches that person holds the hind legs while he lets items that are secondary to the carried the sheep fall to the ground in preparaperson may be carried together with tion for shechitah. him, and thus in cases when it is permitPit’chei Teshuvah (YD 195:3) cites the ted to carry a child, he may be pushed Tashbetz that although normally a husin a stroller as the stroller is secondary band and wife may not pass anything to him (Shemirat Shabbat Kehilchabetween them while she is a niddah tah 18:51).11 Similarly, in an important (Shulchan Aruch, YD 195:2), because of chai nosei et atzmo, they may pass application in pre-refrigeration times, a a child, although Pit’chei Teshuvah sugcorpse may be carried together with a child who is mobile (Shulchan Aruch, gests that that leniency would not apply OC 311:2; MB 311:11). to an infant or a sick child. Rabbi MorOther ways of moving an obstinate dechai Leib Winkler (Levushei Morchild also exist and are also only for dechai, CM 18:3) tried to defend this when one is in a bind. One of these position, but the Aruch Hashulchan is pachot pachot—multiple carries of (YD 195:5) did not see the relevance less than four amot each.12 Usually of the principle in this application and Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach this may not be done lest one accidenthought it should be used in practice tally exceed four amot in one of those only in extenuating circumstances moves (Shabbat 153b; Shulchan Aruch, (Halichot Shlomo, vol. 2, ch. 5, note 96 OC 349:5), but it may be permitted in [p. 78]). Rabbi Binyamin Zilber (Az extenuating circumstances, such as if Nidberu 6:59) is also not enthusiastic one finds tefillin on Shabbat and needs about this leniency and rejects it as a to move them to protect them (Eruvin solution for a couple to serve as kvatter 97b; Shulchan Aruch, OC 301:42; Gra, when the woman is a niddah.15 OC 349:5, s.v. assur); someone who is stranded as Shabbat commences and The Sefat Emet (Shabbat 92a) comwants to bring his belongings to a safe pares the aron, which “carried its bearers” place (Shulchan Aruch, OC 266:7); or (Sotah 35a), to chai nosei et atzmo and the removal of a thorn from a public says that it was thus not a melachah to thoroughfare (Shabbat 42a; Shulchan “carry” the aron on Shabbat.

Aruch, OC 308:18).

Today many communities have The Shulchan Aruch Harav (OC an eruv, but the issue of being stuck 331:8) and Taz (OC 266:4) were willing indoors when one has a young child to rely on pachot pachot—with multiand there is no eruv still arises. This ple people—and have a non-Jew do the issue was presented to several conteminter-domain transfer in order to bring porary Israeli posekim when a young an infant to shul for his brit milah, but Israeli family accustomed to having an the Magen Avraham (331:5; cf. Aruch eruv was residing in a US community Hashulchan, OC 331:6) thought it prefwith no eruv. They asked several Israeli erable, when possible, to do the brit in rabbis whether based on chai nosei et the house.13 Exactly how pachot pachot is atzmo or pachot pachot they could carry a below-chinuch-age child who knows implemented, i.e., whether it is sufficient Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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how to walk, so that his mother could get out and have “nachat ruach.” Rabbi Shlomo Aviner responded (unpublished letter) that we do not rely on chai nosei et atzmo to carry children in an area with no eruv and one should not do pachot pachot. He suggested they ask a US rabbi.

Rabbi Yehoshua Neuwirth (unpublished letter) did not address the Shabbat question, but rather pointed the questioner to Mishnah Berurah 98:3 and 124:28, which discourages bringing small children (not of chinuch age who are prone to disturb) to shul and notes that one should give nachat ruach to the Borei Olam and not only the mother. Rabbi Yitzchak Zilberstein (unpublished letter) notes that in extenuating circumstances posekim have permitted relying on chai nosei et atzmo, but in this case the need is not so great and he suggests that the mother and father can rotate going to shul and staying home with the child.

It is difficult to see the “work” involved in hotza’ah, the melachah of carrying. It is termed a melachah geruah (a lesser classification of melachah) and the rather strange principle of chai nosei et atzmo leads it to be further minimized. Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch comes to the rescue. He beautifully explains the significance and symbolism of hotza’ah (see his lengthy commentary to Shemot 35:1). He notes that in Yirmiyahu Hanavi’s exhortation to observe Shabbat (17:19-27), he gave specific attention to this melachah.

Rabbi Hirsch understands from Yirmiyahu 17:22 that Shabbat observance involves two parallel concepts— refraining from the other thirty-eight melachot and refraining from carrying.

Rabbi Hirsch explains that the other thirty-eight melachot express the idea that man subordinates his power over matter to the will of G-d, while the prohibition of carrying expresses the idea of man placing his social world under G-d’s dictates. In other words, refraining from the other thirty-eight melachot acknowledges G-d’s mastery over nature, while refraining from carrying is an acknowledgement of G-d’s role in history and human affairs (The Hirsch Chumash [Brooklyn, 1989], p. 669).

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Notes 1. Yerushalmi, Pesachim 4:3 implies that the Sages also argued about carrying human beings.

2. See Aruch Hashulchan (OC 301:27) and Korban Netanel (6) for further explanation of Tosafot. The Tzitz Eliezer (appendix to 13:32) cites a clever insight of his father’s regarding this Tosafot.

3. A similar idea is advanced by Rabbi Haim Sabato (Hama’ayan, Tishrei 5744 [24:1]: 55-56). The melachah of carrying is termed a melachah geruah—a lesser classification of work (e.g., Tosafot, Shabbat 2a, s.v. yetziot and s.v. pashat; 96b s.v. hotza’ah) as there is no change in the object itself (see Ohr Zarua 2:82; Tosafot Rid, Shabbat 96b; Chayei Adam 9:11; Minchat Shlomo 1:5; Rabbi Eliyahu Bakshi-Doron, Binyan Av 1:OC:12). Rabbi Sabato explains that the location of an object is also a quality of the object, and thus moving it is considered a melachah. An unbound, healthy human has the potential to effect a volitional change in his location—chai nosei et atzmo—and hence, changing a human’s location is not a melachah. See Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik’s thoughts on melachah geruah in Harerei Kedem (3:1). Pnei Yehoshua (Shabbat 51b, s.v. b’Tosafot) suggests that because carrying is a melachah geruah, it does not apply on a Biblical level to one’s animals.

The Rema (OC 299:10) distinguishes between “melachah gemurah,” a full melachah, and lighting a candle or carrying from one domain to another, which do not fall into the category of melachah gemurah.

The Avnei Nezer, in his analysis of the melachah of trapping, observes that trapping is actually less of a melachah than carrying (OC 189:7) because absolutely no change happens to the creature when trapped, neither a physical change nor even a change in location.

4. See Shu”t Maharsham (7:52) who brings proofs to permit and prohibit this and concludes that it is prohibited.

5. He points out that according to the Ba’al Hamaor, even Rabi Natan considers one liable for carrying a person who cannot walk.

6. Rabbi Shlomo Kluger’s controversial position (Chochmat Shlomo, OC 308:41 and Ha’elef Lecha Shlomo 146) that one may carry a small child in a carmelit in order to be able to recite Kaddish is not based on chai nosei et atzmo but on melachah she’einah tzerichah l’gufah (a melachah done for a different conceptual purpose than the purpose for which it was done in the context of building the Mishkan).

7. It need not be stated that if a person is very ill, then Shabbat must be violated in order to treat the person, including, of course, carrying when necessary.

8. I thank Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz for this point.

9. Note that the person being carried may not carry unnecessary items, nor may there be

items in a pocket, stroller or bag (Shemirat Shabbat Kehilchatah 18:51; cf. n. 211).

10. If one were in a similar situation in a reshut harabbim, it might be permissible to ask a non-Jew to carry the child (who knows how to walk) because that would be a double shevut (rabbinic prohibition) in a case of great need.

11. In general, without an eruv, it is prohibited to push a stroller or wheelchair on Shabbat (Iggerot Moshe 2:YD:33). If the child cannot walk (e.g., an infant) it is a Biblical prohibition in a reshut harabbim. In a place with no eruv, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Moshe 4:OC:90) permitted a person in a wheelchair to roll it himself (others may not) because it is “like clothing” for him. He notes that chai nosei et atzmo would not permit one to use crutches on Shabbat. Rabbi Shmuel HaLevi Wosner (Shevet HaLevi 7:37) combines several reasons, including that almost all needs of an infant are considered “great needs,” to permit having a non-Jew push an infant in a stroller in a carmelit. See similarly, Shemirat Shabbat Kehilchatah 38:28. Rabbi Yehudah Yudel Rosenberg discussed (Yechaveh Da’at, 1935 [privately reprinted 1998], vol.

1, siman 5) the then-prevalent custom of Jews in Montreal, Canada, pushing children in strollers on Shabbat in public. He assembled a creative heter that included the principle of chai nosei et atzmo.

12. This is only relevant for carrying in a public thoroughfare and not for getting between public and private domains (Taz, OC 266:4).

13. The Pri Megadim (Mishbetzet 301:12) notes that there were places where the sandek would be put on a chair and Jews would carry him as he held the infant to bring him to shul. He says that this is absolutely forbidden on Shabbat even in a carmelit.

The Machatzit Hashekel (OC 331, se’if katan heh, s.v. v’al yedei) prefers having a non-Jew carry the knife to where the infant is, rather than carry the infant to shul, as the knife can then be left at the house until after Shabbat, while the infant would need to be carried back home.

14. According to those who hold that the rule was derived from the way objects were carried in the Mishkan, it would seem that it should be a uniquely Shabbat principle and it is not clear that it should extend to other areas of halachah (see Minchat Shlomo, Tinyana 75:2). In that case, when it appears in other areas it is the same term but a different concept (see Techumin 6:340).

15. Owing to the mitzvah connection and its brief nature, the Chida (Yosef Ometz 85) approved of a leniency used in Salonika unrelated to chai nosei et atzmo whereby the baby was on two pillows and the husband would take the top one from his wife.

INSIDEthe PROGRAMS OF THE ORTHODOX UNION

Can I Hear You Now? The Art of Becoming a Better Listener

By Rabbi Dr. Josh Joseph According to Robin Abrahams and Boris Groysberg, authors of an article entitled, "How to Become a Better Listener," “it’s never been more important—or more difficult—for leaders to be good listeners.”1 Endless Zoom meetings, the apparently increasing need we all have to share our own perspectives and stories, and the rise of the “attention economy,” where human attention is treated as a scarce commodity, have turned expert listening into a rare skill. While listening is essential in any situation, current realities impel us to refocus on listening as a way to further understand and appreciate the diverse array of activities and personnel at the Orthodox Union and in our relationships beyond. So how can we become better listeners?

With NCSY’s recent reissuing of the Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan Library, I’ve happily returned to many of his works that had such an impact on me over the many years. Indeed, the one book that both my wife Julie and I were carrying with us on our first date was Rabbi Kaplan’s Jewish Meditation! In the chapter on the Shema, he writes, If the only significance of the Shema were to declare that G-d is One, then the opening words, “Listen, Israel,” would be redundant. But the Shema

itself is telling us to listen—to listen and hear the message with every fiber of our being. It is telling us to open our perceptions completely, so as to experience G-d’s unity (p. 125).

How do we begin to listen to another, in this case, to The Other?

Hearing requires pre-meditation, preparation and an attitude of openness to otherness. We may be thinking our own thoughts, struggling with something in our lives either consciously or not. But we must turn our attention not just with our minds but with “every fiber of our being” to become active listeners in mind and in body.

Rabbi Kaplan further explains that the letters of the word “Shema” themselves help us to accomplish this transition from the chaos of life to the focus we need in order to attend. To begin, the shin has the sound closest to white noise, which includes every wavelength. The mem, on the other hand, is “pure harmonic sound,” (p. 129) like a hum. By uttering the word, we move from chaos to harmony, from our attention being scattered everywhere, to a calm and focused presence.

This shift from our normal, chaotic, multitasking, attention-deficit perspective to a more mindful, meditative, receptive position represents the key to an active listening approach and mindset.

Through this approach, one can begin to both understand what someone else is communicating, as well as convey a sense of engagement and caring.

Listening then is not enough—one has to show that he or she is listening!

Indeed, in my annual performance review one of the constructive

OU

comments was the sense that I am multitasking during Zoom meetings; even though I may feel I am listening, it appears to others that I am distracted.

As Abrahams and Groysberg point out: “It can be challenging!”

Both receiving the message and acknowledging its receipt at a time when we are struggling with new realities requires us to: . . . take a moment to listen closely.

Consider the questioner, not simply the question. Now is the time for leaders to really listen, understand the context, resist the temptation to respond with generic answers, and recognize your own listening limitations—and improve on them.

Perhaps with the help of Rabbi Kaplan and the Shema, we can begin to do so: to refocus our minds and beings, to accept the challenges of a multitasking world as well as our own attention limitations, and to mentally prepare to both listen and actively listen. All of these can help us interact with each other and become the better listeners we all can be as a team.

Many examples abound of our colleagues listening to each other and to our community to learn and grow: Continued on page 84 Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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HAPPENINGS

AROUND THE OU

By Sara Goldberg

Family members of Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, zt"l, with NCSY International Director Rabbi Micah Greenland (far right) and NCSY Director of Education Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin (second from right) at the launch of the NCSY Aryeh Kaplan Library at this year’s Aspire: Yarchei Kallah, an annual learning retreat for public school teens. Photos: Kruter Photography

NCSY Reissues Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan’s Writings In December, NCSY’s annual Aspire: Yarchei Kallah—a five-day learning retreat for public school teens— celebrated Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan’s legacy with the launch of the NCSY Aryeh Kaplan Library, a reissuing of the entire Kaplan opus. The ten reprinted volumes contain new introductions, redesigned covers and updated content, so a new generation can be introduced to the majesty of Jewish ideas and the beauty of Rabbi Kaplan’s prose.

This project, in collaboration with ArtScroll Mesorah Publications, was made possible thanks to the gracious sponsorship of The Tannenbaum Foundation.

have gone out of print, and some needed important updates and edits. Since Rabbi Kaplan reintroduced the eternal ideas of Judaism to the public, NCSY embarked on this ambitious project to reintroduce the public to Rabbi Kaplan.

To purchase copies of Rabbi Kaplan’s newly reissued works, visit ncsy.org/KAPLAN/.

“Few, if any, have had a greater impact on the Jewish spiritual awakening often called 'the teshuvah movement' than Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan, zt"l,” said Rabbi Dovid Bashevkin, NCSY Director of Education, who initiated the project. “Rabbi Kaplan directly and personally impacted an almost unfathomable number of Jews through his prolific writing.”

Rabbi Kaplan’s writings were initially commissioned by NCSY in the 1970s, sponsored by Mr. Joe Tannenbaum.

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Following the launch of the Library, NCSYers learned in groups corresponding to different volumes in the Rabbi Kaplan collection, which include If You Were G-d, The Real Messiah, and The Fundamentals of Jewish Faith.

All Mishnah App Launches with New Mishnah Yomi Cycle December marked the start of a new Mishnah Yomi cycle, where participants learn two mishnayot a day to complete the Shishah Sidrei Mishnah in fiveand-a-half years. Preparing for the new cycle, the OU Torah Initiatives' All Torah Team, which created All Daf and All Parsha, launched All Mishnah, a free mishnah learning app containing shiurim, learning aids and a convenient tracker for Mishnah Yomi progress. In addition, the OU partnered with Mishna Rishona to provide phone-in mishnayot shiurim for children and collaborated with ArtScroll Mesorah Publications to create an All Mishnah edition of Masechet Berachot. These sefarim were distributed for free to children in grades six to eight who are taking part in the Mishnah Yomi cycle.

As of the beginning of January, over 1,000 kids from Teaneck, New Jersey and the Five Towns on Long Island, New York have signed up to do Mishnah Yomi through programs at their schools, using the All Mishnah app.

All Mishnah will open a path for learners of all levels to make daily Mishnah learning part of their lives.

— OU Executive Vice President Rabbi Moshe Hauer

Download the All Mishnah app today at allmishnah.org/landing.

New Energy Efficiency Act Provides Grants to Nonprofits Following a decade of activism by the OU Advocacy Center, in November President Biden signed into law Congress’s $1 trillion bipartisan infrastructure bill, which includes a key piece of legislation for nonprofits: the Nonprofit Energy Efficiency Act. This legislation, crafted by OU Advocacy, allocates $50 million to the Department of Energy to offer grants of up to $200,000 to nonprofit organizations to upgrade their infrastructure and purchase more energy-efficient equipment, such as heaters, generators and air conditioners. Energy costs are one of the most significant expenses of shuls and day schools.

The Act was introduced in Congress by Senators Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) and John Hoeven (R-ND) in 2012, and was reintroduced twice since then before being passed by both houses of Congress.

“The OU is immensely appreciative to the Senate for including this legislation,” said Nathan Diament, Executive Director of the OU Advocacy Center. “It provides a long-awaited boost to the faith community and nonprofit sector alike by enabling them to allocate greater funding to programs and services and less to energy bills, ultimately decreasing their energy footprints.”

This program will become a reality in the coming months, and applications will become available at that time. OU Advocacy will be working with the Department of Energy as it sets up this program, and the OU will provide information and guidance to shuls, schools and other nonprofits once the applications become available.

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OU’s SPIRIT Initiative— Not Just for Seniors

SPIRIT’s most popular programs include presentations on memory enhancement, destigmatizing mental health issues, and the importance of relationship building, as the stresses of the pandemic can cause strain on familial and spousal relationships.

brought back as a virtual program As more and more people are living into their nineties, retirement means at the start of the pandemic and has grown tremendously over the a second adulthood for many. The “When we brought SPIRIT back, I did past two years, from an average primary challenge: how to make not envision success on this level,” of thirty participants per session one’s older years enjoyable and said Rebbetzin Steinig. “I’ve had to often 300 or more. To date, the meaningful. Enter the OU’s SPIRIT participants tell me that this program program has reached more than (the Stimulating Program Initiative is ‘the one good thing that came out 6,000 individuals in countries around of Covid.’ It’s extremely rewarding.” for Retirees that Inspires Thought), the world. The weekly live classes though as Senior Director of the OU cover a smorgasbord of topics, from Department of Community Projects mental health concerns to finances, and Partnerships and SPIRIT exercise, relationship-building and Coordinator Rebbetzin Judi Steinig halachic matters, presented by will tell you, it’s not just for retirees. engaging speakers with expertise on “This program is for retirees, notTo register for a SPIRIT the subject. yet-retirees, Baby Boomers, emptyprogram, or to access nesters, ‘sandwich generation’ SPIRIT’s archive of “This is an educated group—over 90 parents, and seniors—anyone who is percent have college degrees, and classes, visit ou.org/spirit. looking for educational, intellectual many have advanced degrees and and spiritual growth." doctorates,” noted Rebbetzin Steinig.

“Often, we've had presenters come Founded eight years ago as an from the ranks of our audience.” in-person program, SPIRIT was

Accelerator Members Are “Jews You Should Know" To listen to the Accelerator member interviews on the "Jews You Should Know" podcast, visit jewsyoushouldknow.com/.

To learn more about the OU’s Impact Accelerator, visit ou.org/ accelerator/about-us/.

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Three member ventures of the OU’s Impact Accelerator as well as Director Jenna Beltser were interviewed on Rabbi Ari Koretzky’s “Jews You Should Know” podcast, highlighting how their programs are positively impacting the Jewish community.

“This was an exciting opportunity to promote our organization, create a buzz around Jewish startup ventures and to publicize the critical work Ani Tefillah is doing in the Jewish world,” said Tamar Nusbaum, Founder of Ani Tefillah, who was interviewed on the podcast. Ani Tefillah was a member of the Impact Accelerator's second cohort.

Founded in 2018, the Accelerator identifies and advances promising Jewish nonprofits through education, mentorship and collaboration. Applications for Cohort IV opened in November, and the finalists will be announced in May.

Sha'alvim’s Shana Bet students learned the ins and outs of kashrut with OU Kosher. Photos courtesy of Rabbi Gershon Turetsky

Seminary Students Level Up on Kashrut With some of their usual programming unavailable due to Covid restrictions, Sha'alvim for Women in Yerushalayim was particularly concerned about the Shana Bet students, who typically study for only half the school year.

To enrich the curriculum, Sha'alvim partnered with OU Israel’s The Gustave & Carol Jacobs Center for Kashrut Education to create a new

program exploring the ins and outs of kashrut through the lens of OU Kosher, the largest kashrut organization in the world. This past semester, twentyseven young women participated in the weekly shiur, given by Rabbi Ezra Friedman, Director of The Gustave & Carol Jacobs Center for Kashrut Education, which explored the halachot of consumer kashrut. Topics included pat akum, bishul akum, kashering methods, checking for bugs, the differences between dairy and dairy equipment, specific rules for factories, restaurants and hotels, and more.

“His extensive knowledge of hilchot kashrut and his technical knowledge of how hashgachot—particularly OU Kosher—operate was eye-opening for our students.”

“The Sha'alvim course was an amazing opportunity to teach Torah and kashrut on a whole new level,” said Rabbi Friedman. “The education center was founded on the belief that the greatest way to help spread kashrut is with in-depth learning, tools from the field and a personal connection to OU Kosher staff. The young women at Sha'alvim merited all three. Special thanks to Rabbi “Rabbi Friedman was an incredible Gershon Turetsky for making this resource for our students,” said Rabbi Gershon Turetsky, Menahel at Sha'alvim. amazing dream become a reality."

The four-month program culminated in a festive lunch in January at the OU-certified Papagaio restaurant in Yerushalayim. The restaurant’s mashgiach, Rabbi Binyamin Druk (center), gave the students and Rabbi Friedman (right) a wide-ranging demonstration of the duties of a restaurant mashgiach.

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NEW POSITIONS PROMOTIONS AND

Congratulations to... . . . Dr. Michelle Shain on her promotion to Director, OU Center for Communal Research

(CCR), replacing Founding Director Matt Williams. Dr. Shain came to the OU after more than a decade at the Cohen Center for Modern Jewish Studies at Brandeis University and has served as the Assistant Director of the CCR for the past three years. She was a key analyst for the ongoing evaluation of the impact of Birthright Israel and for the Jewish Futures Project, the only longitudinal study of American Jews of the millennial generation. Dr. Shain has published more than a dozen articles in peer-reviewed academic journals and more than two dozen research reports. She holds a bachelor’s in Near Eastern and Judaic studies and anthropology and a doctorate in social policy, both from Brandeis University.

She also holds a master’s in contemporary Jewry from The Hebrew University of Jerusalem.

. . . the six “Points of Light” awardees at the OU’s annual Employee Appreciation Luncheon. These six individuals were nominated by their peers for their exemplary service to the OU, particularly during the challenges of the past two years. The honorees are: Miriam Weiland Project Manager, Marketing and Communications

Eliana Steinreich Assistant Director of Operations and Development, OU-JLIC

Rabbi Gavriel Price Rabbinic Coordinator, Ingredients Department, OU Kosher

Anthony Lugo Production Manager

Rabbi Simcha Smolensky Senior Rabbinic Field Representative, OU Kosher

Sara Pearl Help Desk Technician, IT

Continued from page 79

• Yachad launched REACH, a Jewish resource and referral service for individuals with disabilities. This first-of-its-kind database has been meticulously built over the past year to pinpoint the best option(s) based on almost any combination of variables, including diagnosis, location or even coed/separategender programs. To date, we have received hundreds of calls and have given out more than 250 referrals.

senior citizens with college students at nine different campuses, for interaction and education.

• S ynagogue Initiatives launched the Synagogue Reimagine Initiative in California with cohorts of shul administrators, youth professionals and shul presidents.

• T orah Initiatives launched All Mishnah in conjunction with the new cycle of Mishnah Yomi beginning at end of December 2021 and asked you, our Torah learners, to help design and improve the interface.

• C ommunity Projects and Partnerships’ Empowered Parenting Initiative has already launched in Cincinnati and Houston. The goal is to provide communities with resources to enhance the parent-child relationship, thereby improving general behavior and commitment to Torah values.

Community led and driven!

• O U-JLIC launched an intergenerational program linking

These are but a few examples where we are trying to refocus

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and listen—to each other, to our communities and to you.

Rabbi Kaplan closes his discourse on the Shema by pointing to the third letter in the opening word, an ayin, which has the numerical value of seventy, “representing plurality as it exists in the mundane world” (p. 232). Listening, then, reaches a full culmination when we can appreciate diversity, voices other than our own, and can hear them and even validate them. May we all have hatzlachah in doing so!

Rabbi Dr. Josh Joseph is OU Executive Vice President/Chief Operating Officer.

1. Harvard Business Review, hbr.org, 21 December 2021. https://hbr.org/2021/12/ how-to-become-a-better-listener.

NEW FROM OU PRESS Before Hashem You Shall Be Purified: Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik on the Days of Awe – Expanded Edition Summarized and annotated

by Arnold Lustiger OU Press

O

n Yom Kippur, after reciting the piyut Mareh Kohen, which describes the splendor of the Kohen Gadol, we say, “Ashrei ayin ra’atah kol eileh, How fortunate was the eye that beheld all this.” The performance of the Yom Kippur service by the Kohen Gadol left an indelible impression upon all those who witnessed it. Much closer to our own time, those who attended Rabbi Joseph B. Soloveitchik’s annual teshuvah derashot attest to the lasting impact the experience made on their spiritual lives.

Studies in Spirituality: A Weekly Reading of the Jewish Bible

By Rabbi Jonathan Sacks OU Press and Maggid Books

R

abbi Jonathan Sacks’ essays on the weekly parashah, published in his Covenant and Conversation series and its companion volumes, have already become a classic of our time. In what tragically was to be his last series of essays on the parashah before his untimely demise, Rabbi Sacks chose to focus on the spiritual dimension of the Torah. He explains the reasoning for his decision in the introduction to this volume: There is, undeniably, something of a crisis in Jewish spirituality today. This is sad, because for many centuries Jews were the G-d-intoxicated people. If there is a single sentence that sums up Jewish history, it is surely the statement of the prophet Zechariah: “Not by power and not by might but by My spirit, says the L-rd of hosts” (Zech. 4:6).

Jews never had much power despite what the Protocols of the Elders of Zion might say. That always was a fantasy. Nor did they have might. Christianity and Islam built massive, monumental empires. Jews never did.

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In this volume, Dr. Arnold Lustiger, a devoted follower of Rav Soloveitchik who has done so much to bring his Torah to a wider audience, presents readers with annotated summaries of a selection of the Rav’s teshuvah derashot.

The ten derashot contained in this work (including two new ones included in this edition) address the meaning of Rosh Hashanah, the shofar, Selichot, Erev Yom Kippur, Kol Nidrei, the essence of Yom Kippur, the Avodah and, of course, the many facets of teshuvah, with the Rav’s characteristic insight, depth and creativity. In addition to notes highlighting parallels to the Rav’s other writings, Dr. Lustiger has included links to recordings, where available, of the Rav delivering the derashot on which the volume is based. The publication of this important work brings both those who themselves heard the Rav and those who never merited to do so a step closer to understanding the message of the Days of Awe: “Before Hashem you shall be purified.”

What our ancestors had in full measure was G-d’s spirit.

They felt G-d close. There is something moving about the word Jews used to describe this. They called it the Shekhina, usually translated as the Divine Presence, but which actually means something more striking. A shakhen is a neighbor, the person who lives next door. That is how close Jews felt G-d to be. Yes, He is more distant than the furthest galaxy, but He is also closer to us than we are to ourselves. The G-d of Abraham is not a distant G-d. He is enthroned in majesty in heaven. But He is also parent, partner, neighbor, mentor, friend. So it was for many centuries. Then something changed . . .

[M]any lost that sense of intimacy with G-d that resonated so powerfully with our ancestors, giving them their sense of hope and courage and singularity . . .

We will need spiritual strength even more than military, economic or technological strength in the years ahead. For it is spirituality that teaches us that life is sacred, that there is more to happiness than the pursuit of wealth, power, success or fame, and that though life is short we can, at blessed moments, experience the transformative power of joy giving us a sense of eternity in the midst of time.

Rabbi Sacks, whose ability to convey the universal truths of Judaism was unparalleled, and who was and remains universally revered by all who encountered him, is the ideal guide to lead us out of the spiritual crisis of our times.

Mrs. Michal Horowitz, a Nach Yomi Educator, addresses attendees at the Torat Imecha Nach Yomi Siyum in January, held at Congregation Beth Sholom in Lawrence, New York. The culmination of the two-year cycle was marked by celebrations in New York, Israel and across the US. Photos: Triple S Studios

Inside

PHILANTHROPY NEWLY DEDICATED NACH YOMI ENTERS SECOND CYCLE

By Merri Ukraincik

Merri Ukraincik has written for the Forward, the New York Jewish Week, Hevria, the Wisdom Daily, Tablet and other publications, including Jewish Action. She is the author of I Live. Send Help, a history of the Joint Distribution Committee.

T

his past January, the OU Women’s Initiative (WI) celebrated the culmination of its first two-year Nach Yomi cycle, with community Nach Shabbat events throughout the United States and siyumim in both the US and in Israel. But participants did not pause for long. As soon as they finished exploring the last perek of Divrei Hayamim, they began again—with new passion and inspiration.

This kind of Torah engagement among women was unimaginable “back in my day. Jewish life has so much more to offer us now,” reflects Nechama Wolfson from Lawrence, New York. She has dedicated the second Torat Imecha Nach Yomi cycle, now underway, in honor of her mother, grandmothers and a cherished aunt. “I am proud to be a part of this initiative that links Torah study to their memory,” she says.

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Inside PHILANTHROPY

eager to immerse themselves in the learning. This new cycle of Nach will be broken into four parts—Nevi’im Rishonim, Nevi’im Acharonim, Tehillim, and then the rest of Ketuvim—each named for one of the wonderful women who shaped Nechama Wolfson’s life. Growing up in the then-small San Francisco Bay Area Jewish community, Mrs. Wolfson lived far from her extended family. Visits with her grandmothers, “both warm, wonderful individuals who modeled the values of authenticity, integrity and honesty,” hold a special place in her recollections. So, too, the companionship of her aunt, as well as the kindness and wisdom of her mother, a beloved Jewish educator who taught Sunday/Hebrew school for fifty years.

Resonance and Relevance From left: Nach Yomi participants Alice Marks, Chumi Diamond and Shani Hollander at the siyum in Lawrence. More than 6,500 women are subscribed to receive the daily learning modules, which total 742 individual shiurim, and more than 1,000 women have completed the full series.

Mrs. Wolfson was the driving force behind the creation of the Shalom Task Force, which combats and prevents domestic violence in the Jewish community. She and her late husband Zev Wolfson founded Shlavim, which addresses the socio-economic challenges facing Israel’s religious community.

Exceeding Expectations With the goal of completing the 742 chapters of Nevi’im and Ketuvim in two years, the Torat Imecha Nach Yomi program offers a daily podcast covering a chapter a day. An impressive array of women scholars delivers the shiurim, gearing them toward learners of all levels.

With 6,500 subscribers and between 1,000 and 1,200 women logging in from twenty-eight countries around the world, the program has become wildly popular since it first launched in 2020. In fact, its podcast episodes consistently fill seven out of the top-ten most-played slots on the OU Torah website.

“The program is revolutionary,” says Mrs. Wolfson. “It has really changed the face of Torah education for women.”

“These stunning numbers have far exceeded our modest expectation of 300 subscribers,” says Rebbetzin Dr. Adina Shmidman, the WI’s founding director, who holds a master’s degree in Jewish education from the Azrieli Graduate Institute of Yeshiva University, a second master’s in school psychology from Queens College, and a PhD in educational psychology from the CUNY Graduate Center.

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Torat Imecha Nach Yomi has attracted a broad audience and resonates, both among learners and educators, in meaningful, multilayered ways.

Participants in the program range from middle schoolers to grandmothers and come from across the Orthodox spectrum. Some women listen on their commute to work; others, with their daughters while driving them to school. Two women who live in the same apartment building, one in her late seventies and the other in her nineties, have become chavrutas, listening to the podcast together. The youngest participant, eleven-year-old Ayelet Pollak, attended the Nach Yomi siyum held in Lawrence, New York. A sixth grader at Shulamith School for Girls in New York’s Five Towns, she decided to take on Nach Yomi because her “teacher and her grandmother were doing it.” Having completed the first cycle, spending time listening to the podcast each day after school, Ayelet now plans on “doing it all over again.”

One of the greatest draws of the program and a significant factor in its broad success is the cadre of different female scholars—among them Rachel Besser from Passaic, New Jersey, Dr. Esther Shkop from Chicago, Illinois, and Michal Horowitz, from Woodmere, New York—who deliver the daily shiurim, each educator focused on a specific book. The wellrespected, international scholar Rabbanit Shani Taragin provides a video introduction before the start of every new sefer. These scholars have the unique opportunity to teach material that most participants have had little experience with.

Rebbetzin Shmidman, who serves as rebbetzin of The Lower Merion Synagogue in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania, points out that even among highly Jewishly educated women, few have had exposure to the entire canon of Nach, and surely not in the perek-by-perek style of Torat Imecha. Not all the sefarim “make it into yeshivah or day school curricula when there’s so much else to teach, and when they do, rarely are students given an inside look at the text. We provide them with the chance to learn all of it and to find resonance in it.”

Some participants found, for example, the sefer of Iyov particularly relevant in today’s world, leaving them to wonder, “Why haven’t we studied this in depth before?”

Sarah Felsen, Nechama Wolfson’s daughter, took strength from Professor Smadar Rosensweig’s teaching of Iyov. “It perfectly encapsulated for me how bad things can happen to good people, and how we can learn from ancient examples of coping and survival.”

“Nach offers ready responses to cataclysmic events, as well as comforting messages of Hashem’s presence in the world,” says Rebbetzin Shmidman. Descriptions of the Churban Habayit, for example, are filled with language related to pain, struggle, loss and resilience.

Torat Imecha strives to make Nach relatable and tangible. Educators teach in a way that brings it to life, pointing out the unique voices of the nevi’im while adding nuance for a clear understanding of their prophecies and personalities. The different sefarim are positioned along the Jewish historical timeline, and familiar pesukim from the siddur or machzor, for example, are given context.

Though the WI could not have predicted the pandemic, the timing of Torat Imecha’s launch was fortuitous.

Nach became a spiritual support for many participants.

“Who knew that our new program would provide such comfort and a daily anchor to a large swath of women worldwide who would shortly be facing a giant disruption in their lives?” asked Rebbetzin Shmidman.

Chaiky Guttenberg, who lives with her daughter Suri Norowitz in Elizabeth, New Jersey, was steadfast in her Nach learning, especially when they could not go anywhere or see anyone during Covid’s peak. “My mother never missed a day of this opportunity to learn Torah and grow her neshamah,” says Norowitz.

The Power of Completion and Connection The experience of Nach Yomi has been life-changing for Sarah Felsen, for whom everyday exigencies—raising a family, work, the requirements of the Jewish calendar—

Sixth grader Ayelet Pollak, the youngest Nach Yomi participant, attended the siyum with her mother. Having completed the first cycle by spending time listening to the podcast each day after school, Ayelet now plans on “doing it all over again.”

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Mrs. Wolfson has dedicated the second Torat Imecha Nach Yomi cycle, now underway, in honor of her mother, grandmothers and a cherished aunt. “I am proud to be part of this initiative,” she says.

had always gotten in the way of regular Torah learning.

“I wanted the experience of completing a sefer.”

“Nach had always resonated with me. Though I was iffy about whether I’d stick with it, I wanted to try.”

Already three weeks behind when she started, she downloaded the missed episodes on Sefer Yehoshua and caught up on a flight home from Israel to Palo Alto.

By the time she landed, she was hooked. She went on to complete the cycle this past January.

“When I was studying in Israel years ago,” said Elisheva Schlam from Lawrence, New York, one of the 1,200 women who completed the entire two-year cycle, “I’d visit a friend and always see her mother learning Tanach with the commentaries—before there were podcasts! After she was diagnosed with cancer, she told me: ’I want to finish Tanach before I die.’ “ That left a huge impression on Schlam who has been motivated to study Tanach in a serious way ever since.

Persisting, however, is a huge commitment. “There are no days off; not for Shabbos, not for yom tov,” says Schlam.

“So if you don’t want to fall behind, you need to build [Nach Yomi] into your routine or else it won’t happen.”

For Nach Yomi regulars, the bond they feel with the teachers is the key to ongoing commitment. Each educator uses her unique energy to delve into the sacred texts, sharing powerful lessons of emunah and ways to strengthen one’s relationship with Hashem, one podcast at a time.

The result is a spiritual intimacy—among participants, with the educators, and with the text itself. “Nach Yomi has enabled us to capitalize on technology to create a global learning community of thousands of women,” says Rebbetzin Shmidman.

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Amy Horowitz, who taught Sefer Yeshayahu, says that “the most incredible aspect of teaching Nach Yomi with Torat Imecha was the feeling of connection—connection with our beloved text and connection with the legions of women who learned together over the course of the past few years.”

To give participants the sense of accomplishment that comes with the completion of a sefer, the WI introduced Zoom siyumim. In addition, these celebrations provided a space for the global Nach Yomi community to meet the speaker face to face, at least virtually.

While planning a Melaveh Malkah siyum in Palo Alto with Professor Rosensweig, Sarah Felsen connected with women in her local community she previously did not know well. “We’ve created a beautiful sisterhood around our study of Nach.”

Ancient Material, New Perspectives The WI gives women who have never held a mic the chance to use their unique voice to share Torah. The roster of educators for the second cycle of Torat Imecha Nach Yomi includes favorite speakers, but it features new faces and emerging scholars who will add fresh perspectives as well. Returning teachers will explore different texts than they did last time.

A few other changes are in place. For example, the study of Sefer Tehillim will follow the popular division of the book into seven [this time around]. This approach will allow participants to experience the poetry and wisdom of the entire sefer over the course of a week.

Rebbetzin Shmidman expects “the enormous impact that goes well beyond the learning itself” to continue.

Notes of gratitude for the program and praise for the instructors prove the point.

“I listened early every morning after davening, with the first cup of coffee, and always felt that no matter what the day brought, I began in a positive way by learning Torah,” says Suzi Tuchman from Oceanside, New York.

Among the letters Rebbetzin Shmidman has received are reports from women who feel their davening is more relevant because they can identify passages from Nach within the siddur. Others describe how it has enhanced their appreciation for the weekly haftarah.

Many participants echo Tzipora Simcha Amsellem of Paris, France. “Nach Yomi has been one of the best things I’ve ever done.”

Like Ingrid Danilewitz of Philadelphia, they “have cherished every minute” of the learning and “cannot imagine a day without it.”

For Mrs. Wolfson, Torat Imecha Nach Yomi reinforces the importance of the lessons she learned growing up. “My mother was a gardener, who often said that gardening is all about planting seeds and love. Nach Yomi does this, inspiring women to grow their thirst for Torah knowledge.”

OU Benefactor Circle members form the cornerstone of the Orthodox Union. Their partnership and deep commitment to our mission allow us to accomplish so much on behalf of our community.

We applaud and thank all those who lead through their philanthropy and whose names appear here, as well as those choosing to remain anonymous. If you are not yet a member, we invite you to join us in making a difference.

To learn more, please call Elaine Grossman, OU Benefactor Circle Coordinator, 212-613-8350 or grossmane@ou.org.

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VISIONARY $18,000 - $24,999 DANIEL AND LIORA ADLER ISAAC ASH EZRA ASHKENAZI ISAAC ASHKENAZI AARON AND MARIE BLACKMAN FOUNDATION MAX AND ELANA BERLIN DENNIS AND DEBRA BERMAN ANDREA BIER MARCUS Z”L AND DORIS BLUMKIN PETER AND LORI DEUTSCH LINDA AND MICHAEL ELMAN EMT ACTION FUND ARI AND ALISON GROSS ROBYN AND SHUKIE GROSSMAN MARC AND RUKI HALPERT DAVID AND CHAYA TOVA HARTMAN LANCE AND RIVKIE HIRT JOAN AND PETER HOFFMAN ED AND ROBYN HOFFMAN/ HOFFMAN CATERING IRA WALDBAUM FAMILY FOUNDATION CHAIM AND SURI KAHN RABBI MARK AND LINDA KARASICK JACK ALBERT KASSIN KIDDESIGNS, INC. DANA AND JEFFREY KORBMAN MARC AND RENA KWESTEL JEFF AND MARCI LEFKOVITS CHAIM AND BARA LOEWENTHAL DR. LOUIS AND CHANIE MALCMACHER EZRA AND LAUREN MERKIN

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PARTNER $10,000 - $17,999 ALISA ABECASSIS ISABELLE COHEN-ADLER RABBI SHLOMO AND MIRIAM APPEL ART HARRIS FOUNDATION AARON AND TAMMY ATTIAS RACHEL AND AVRUMI BAK BALANOFF FOUNDATION IRA AND SHERI BALSAM YALE AND ANN BARON DR. MOSHE AND BRYNDIE BENARROCH MRS. ROCHEL LEAH BERNSTEIN MR. AND MRS. ISAAC BERMAN RABBI JULIUS AND DOROTHY BERMAN SION AND LORRAINE BETESH YEHUDA AND FAIGE BIENSTOCK HARVEY AND JUDY BLITZ MR. LUDWIG BRAVMANN DAVID AND CHEDVA BREAU KEVIN BRENNAN KEITH AND LAUREN BRESLAUER & FAMILY JOSHUA AND AMY BUCHSBAYEW VANESSA AND RAYMOND CHALME ARI AND ERIKA COHEN CAROL AND JEFF COHEN TZIPPY AND DANIEL COHEN HAIM AND BARBARA DABAH FRED AND SUZAN EHRMAN DAVID AND DEVORA ELKOUBY DRS. GILAT AND YOSSI ENGLANOFF BARI AND DANIEL ERBER FIRST HORIZON BANK RABBI JOSEPH AND SARAH FELSEN NATALIO AND ANNE FRIDMAN EZRA AND RACHELI FRIEDBERG ILANA AND JEFF GDANSKI ANDRES AND KARINA GELRUD ARNOLD AND ESTHER GERSON ISAAC GINDI MARY JO ROBINSON AND GORDON GLASER MURRAY AND BATSHEVA GOLDBERG JOSEPH AND LAURA GOLDMAN PHILIP AND AVIVA GREENLAND RABBI MICAH AND RIVKIE GREENLAND

DR. ALAN AND MIRIAM GREENSPAN ABE AND RONIT GUTNICKI ELAN AND MONICA GUTTMAN DR. BARRY AND SHIRA HAHN SALOMON HARARI RABBI MOSHE AND MINDI HAUER THE HERBERT SMILOWITZ FOUNDATION JAMES AND CAROL HERSCOT HOWARD HOFFMAN AND SONS FOUNDATION ISAAC H. TAYLOR ENDOWMENT FUND THE JACOBY FAMILY JEWISH FEDERATION IN THE HEART OF NEW JERSEY JEWISH FEDERATION OF GREATER HOUSTON RUTHY AND AARON JUNGREIS DR. BERNARD AND MELANIE KAMINETSKY MORRIS AND SONDRA KAPLAN DANIEL J. AND CAROLINE R. KATZ RABBI ETHAN AND DEBORAH KATZ SAMUEL AND VICKI KATZ AARON AND TOBI KELLER ALICE AND JACOB KLEIN MARTIN AND SARAH KORNBLUM LAWRENCE AND EVELYN KRAUT SCOTT AND AVIVA KRIEGER JONAH AND FRAN KUPIETZKY KIM AND JONATHAN KUSHNER DANIEL AND AMANDA NUSSBAUM LAIFER JONATHAN AND SHARI LAUER RICHARD AND LEORA LINHART VIVIAN AND DAVID LUCHINS JEREMY AND TAMAR LUSTMAN JEFFREY AND ADRIA MANDEL ELLIOTT AND CHAVI MANDELBAUM DAVID AND MICHELLE MARGULES SHARI AND YAAKOV MARKOVITZ MASA ISRAEL JOURNEY MR. AND MRS. ASHER DAVID AND MICHELLE MILSTEIN GILA AND ADAM MILSTEIN DANIEL AND JESSICA MINKOFF ETAN AND VALERIE MIRWIS AND FAMILY ALEXANDER AND YOCHEVED MITCHELL SAMUEL AND DEBBIE MOED JAY AND JOYCE MOSKOWITZ JACK A”H AND GITTA NAGEL AVI AND DEBRA NAIDER GABRIEL AND BETH NECHAMKIN AARON AND AHUVA ORLOFSKY IN MEMORY OF RABBI RAPHAEL PELCOVITZ Z”L, FROM THE PELCOVITZ FAMILY DAVID AND ELANA POLLACK ISRAEL AND NECHAMA POLAK MOSHE AND YAFFA POPACK DANIEL AND LEYLA POSNER DRS. NATHAN AND RACHEL RABINOVITCH DR. AZRIEL AND ILANA RAUZMAN BARRY AND HARRIET RAY LAWRENCE REIN DRS. CRAIG AND JACKIE REISS KAREN AND SHAWN ROSENTHAL MARC AND ALISSA ROSSMAN HENRY AND GOLDA REENA ROTHMAN RALPH RUBENSTEIN KENNETH AND MINDY SAIBEL

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PATRON PATRON $5,000 $5,000- -$9,999 $9,999 JONATHAN AND LEAH ADLER JONATHAN AND LEAH ADLER ADM/ROI ADM/ROI MICHAEL AINGORN MICHAEL AINGORN ARIEL TOURS, INC. ARIEL TOURS, INC. MICHAEL AND SUSAN BAUM MICHAEL AND SUSAN BAUM DR. AND MRS. YITZHAK AND DR. AND MRS. YITZHAK AND ELLEN BERGER ELLEN BERGER BENJAMIN AND ELIZABETH BERMAN BENJAMIN AND ELIZABETH BERMAN JOEL AND DINA BESS JOEL AND DINA BESS CAROL LASEK AND CAROL LASEK AND HOWARD BIENENFELD HOWARD BIENENFELD RABBI GLENN AND HENNI BLACK RABBI GLENN AND HENNI BLACK YEHUDA AND RONI BLINDER YEHUDA AND RONI BLINDER LOIS BLUMENFELD LOIS BLUMENFELD BEN AND TAMAR BLUMENTHAL BEN AND TAMAR BLUMENTHAL ENID AND HAROLD H.H. BOXER ENID AND HAROLD BOXER ENDOWMENT ENDOWMENT LEE AND ALIZA BRAVERMAN LEE AND ALIZA BRAVERMAN DRS. DAVID AND NANCY BRENT DRS. DAVID AND NANCY BRENT MICHAEL AND ALLISON BROMBERG MICHAEL AND ALLISON BROMBERG YISHAI AND BLUMA BRONER YISHAI AND BLUMA BRONER THE BROOKLINE COMMUNITY THE BROOKLINE COMMUNITY FOUNDATION FOUNDATION CCS FUNDRAISING CCS FUNDRAISING DANIEL AND DEVORAH CHEFITZ DANIEL AND DEVORAH CHEFITZ ADAM AND ILANA CHILL ADAM AND ILANA CHILL SARI AND JASON CIMENT SARI AND JASON CIMENT JEREMY AND HILDA COHEN JEREMY AND HILDA COHEN GOBBIE AND SHAYNA COHN GOBBIE AND SHAYNA COHN PACE AND AILEEN COOPER PACE AND AILEEN COOPER RABBI ABRAHAM AND RABBI ABRAHAM AND ROSALYN COOPER ROSALYN COOPER ETHAN AND AMY COREY ETHAN AND AMY COREY RICK AND MARCY CORNFELD RICK AND MARCY CORNFELD DAVID AND MARILYN CUTLER DAVID AND MARILYN CUTLER STEPHEN AND SUE DARRISON STEPHEN AND SUE DARRISON DAVID AND INEZ MYERS DAVID AND INEZ MYERS FOUNDATION FOUNDATION

ELIELI AND CHASI DAVIS AND CHASI DAVIS STEVE AND CHAVI DORFMAN STEVE AND CHAVI DORFMAN DR. CARYN BORGER AND DR. CARYN BORGER AND MARK DUNEC MARK DUNEC GARY AND KAREN EISENBERG GARY AND KAREN EISENBERG JEFFREY AND JENNIFER EISENSTEIN JEFFREY AND JENNIFER EISENSTEIN RINA AND RABBI DOV EMERSON RINA AND RABBI DOV EMERSON BINAH AND DANNY ENGLANDER BINAH AND DANNY ENGLANDER DRS. ROBERT AND KAY FAGUET DRS. ROBERT AND KAY FAGUET GLORIA FELDMAN GLORIA FELDMAN RABBI DAVE AND RABBI DAVE AND CHANI FELSENTHAL CHANI FELSENTHAL ERROL AND PAT FINE ERROL AND PAT FINE MARTIN AND LEORA FINEBERG MARTIN AND LEORA FINEBERG ARYEH AND DORIT FISCHER ARYEH AND DORIT FISCHER RON AND LISA ROSENBAUM FISHER RON AND LISA ROSENBAUM FISHER JOSEPH AND RACHEL FOX JOSEPH AND RACHEL FOX DR. BEN AND CARA FREEDMAN DR. BEN AND CARA FREEDMAN JEREMY AND DANA FRENKEL JEREMY AND DANA FRENKEL SURA AND BERT FRIED SURA AND BERT FRIED ALAN FRIEDMAN ALAN FRIEDMAN ALLEN AND RACHEL FRIEDMAN ALLEN AND RACHEL FRIEDMAN MARK AND CHERYL FRIEDMAN MARK AND CHERYL FRIEDMAN DR. STAN AND MARLA FROHLINGER DR. STAN AND MARLA FROHLINGER JOEY GABBAY JOEY GABBAY PAUL AND DIANE GALLANT PAUL AND DIANE GALLANT ANDREW AND YVETTE GARDNER ANDREW AND YVETTE GARDNER LAWRENCE AND LAWRENCE AND JUDITH GARSHOFSKY JUDITH GARSHOFSKY SHAI AND TOVA GERSON SHAI AND TOVA GERSON RYAN AND NICOLE GALIA GILBERT RYAN AND NICOLE GALIA GILBERT LENNY AND ESTELLE GLASS LENNY AND ESTELLE GLASS MR. AND MRS. ERNIE GOLDBERGER MR. AND MRS. ERNIE GOLDBERGER MR. AND MRS. DAN GOLDISH MR. AND MRS. DAN GOLDISH RABBI BEN AND AVIVA GONSHER RABBI BEN AND AVIVA GONSHER GOLDIE AND I. DAVID GORDON GOLDIE AND I. DAVID GORDON AARON AND MICHAL GORIN AARON AND MICHAL GORIN DR. SUSAN GRAYSEN AND FAMILY DR. SUSAN GRAYSEN AND FAMILY JONATHAN GREEN JONATHAN GREEN FREDA GREENBAUM FREDA GREENBAUM DR. EDWIN AND CECILE GROMIS DR. EDWIN AND CECILE GROMIS DR. STEVEN AND LISA GRONOWITZ DR. STEVEN AND LISA GRONOWITZ ARYEH AND GOLDIE GROSS ARYEH AND GOLDIE GROSS ARIEL AND ALETA GRUNBERG ARIEL AND ALETA GRUNBERG DR. ELIELI AND SORA GRUNSTEIN DR. AND SORA GRUNSTEIN DR. DANIEL AND TSIPORA GURELL DR. DANIEL AND TSIPORA GURELL MICHAEL HADDAD MICHAEL HADDAD JOSH AND MARJORIE HARRIS JOSH AND MARJORIE HARRIS CHAIM AND ARIELLA HERMAN CHAIM AND ARIELLA HERMAN CHANI AND DANIEL HERRMANN CHANI AND DANIEL HERRMANN DOV AND LAURA HERTZ DOV AND LAURA HERTZ THE HIDARY FAMILY THE HIDARY FAMILY DR. GARY AND CHERYL HOBERMAN DR. GARY AND CHERYL HOBERMAN YISROEL AND SHIRA HOCHBERG YISROEL AND SHIRA HOCHBERG CATHY AND DAVID HOFFMAN CATHY AND DAVID HOFFMAN NORMA HOLZER NORMA HOLZER SHLOMO AND DORIE HORWITZ SHLOMO AND DORIE HORWITZ DR. SHALOM AND LORI HUBERFELD DR. SHALOM AND LORI HUBERFELD DR. DAVID AND BARBARA HURWITZ DR. DAVID AND BARBARA HURWITZ YAACOV AND RAYME ISAACS YAACOV AND RAYME ISAACS RABBI MOSHE AND RABBI MOSHE AND DEVORA ISENBERG DEVORA ISENBERG MOTTY AND HADASSA JACOBOWITZ MOTTY AND HADASSA JACOBOWITZ STANLEY AND PHYLLIS JASPAN STANLEY AND PHYLLIS JASPAN JEWISH COMMUNITY JEWISH COMMUNITY FEDERATION OFOF RICHMOND FEDERATION RICHMOND DR. JULIE AND DR. JULIE AND RABBI DR. JOSH JOSEPH RABBI DR. JOSH JOSEPH DAVID AND MICHAL KAHAN DAVID AND MICHAL KAHAN LEORA KAMINER LEORA KAMINER STUART KARON AND STUART KARON AND DR. JODI WENGER DR. JODI WENGER AARON AND JILL KATZ AARON AND JILL KATZ AHRON AND RIVKY KATZ AHRON AND RIVKY KATZ IRA AND RONA KELLMAN IRA AND RONA KELLMAN BENJAMIN KELLOGG BENJAMIN KELLOGG DAVID AND ROBERTA KIMMEL DAVID AND ROBERTA KIMMEL AARON AND TOBY KINDERLEHRER AARON AND TOBY KINDERLEHRER ROBIN AND BRAD KLATT ROBIN AND BRAD KLATT MICHAEL AND JULIE KLEIN MICHAEL AND JULIE KLEIN MR. ROBERT KORDA MR. ROBERT KORDA AVI AND RAVITAL KORN AVI AND RAVITAL KORN JOSEPH AND HANA KORNWASSER JOSEPH AND HANA KORNWASSER HARRY KOTLER HARRY KOTLER DARREN AND MARNI KOTTLE DARREN AND MARNI KOTTLE

JOSH KRAFT JOSH KRAFT DAVID AND FAYE LANDES DAVID AND FAYE LANDES JOSHUA AND BRYNA LANDES JOSHUA AND BRYNA LANDES ARMAND AND ESTHER LASKY ARMAND AND ESTHER LASKY PINCHUS AND PINCHUS AND DEBORAH SCHICK LAUFER DEBORAH SCHICK LAUFER ININ MEMORY OFOF JUDY LEFKOVITS MEMORY JUDY LEFKOVITS ANDY AND ISA LEFKOWITZ ANDY AND ISA LEFKOWITZ JOSHUA AND ERICA LEGUM JOSHUA AND ERICA LEGUM MARSHALL AND DOREEN LERNER MARSHALL AND DOREEN LERNER MRS. SHIRLEY LEVY MRS. SHIRLEY LEVY SHULLY LICHTMAN SHULLY LICHTMAN HYLTON AND LEAH LIGHTMAN HYLTON AND LEAH LIGHTMAN MORDECHAI AND PENINA LIPTON MORDECHAI AND PENINA LIPTON MAURY AND ELINOR LITWACK MAURY AND ELINOR LITWACK DAVID AND JUDITH LOBEL DAVID AND JUDITH LOBEL JOSEF LOEFFLER JOSEF LOEFFLER DR. LAWRENCE AND DR. LAWRENCE AND SHIRLEY LOEWENTHAL SHIRLEY LOEWENTHAL DR. MARIAN STOLTZ-LOIKE AND DR. MARIAN STOLTZ-LOIKE AND DR. JOHN LOIKE DR. JOHN LOIKE EVAN AND EVI MAKOVSKY EVAN AND EVI MAKOVSKY NOAH AND ARINN MAKOVSKY NOAH AND ARINN MAKOVSKY DAVID MANDEL DAVID MANDEL DR. DAVID AND STACI MARGULIS DR. DAVID AND STACI MARGULIS TZACHI AND ELISHEVA MEISEL TZACHI AND ELISHEVA MEISEL BENAY AND IRA MEISELS BENAY AND IRA MEISELS SHMUEL MELAMED SHMUEL MELAMED MERIDIAN CAPITAL MERIDIAN CAPITAL RONEET MERKIN RONEET MERKIN ADAM AND FRANCINE MERMELSTEIN ADAM AND FRANCINE MERMELSTEIN LEONARD AND BEVERLY MEZEI LEONARD AND BEVERLY MEZEI JENNIFER AND DROR MICHAELSON JENNIFER AND DROR MICHAELSON YALE AND GAIL MILLER YALE AND GAIL MILLER STEVE AND MALKA MIRETZKY STEVE AND MALKA MIRETZKY DR. DANIEL AND STEPHANIE MISHKIN DR. DANIEL AND STEPHANIE MISHKIN NOAH AND SUZANNE MISHKIN NOAH AND SUZANNE MISHKIN MARSHALL AND JEAN MIZRAHI MARSHALL AND JEAN MIZRAHI HARRY AND ROBIN MORTKOWITZ HARRY AND ROBIN MORTKOWITZ ELLIOT AND AVA MOSKOWITZ ELLIOT AND AVA MOSKOWITZ DR. MICHAEL AND DR. MICHAEL AND ELIZABETH MUSCHEL ELIZABETH MUSCHEL SHARONA AND IRWIN NACHIMSON SHARONA AND IRWIN NACHIMSON MICHAEL AND MICHELLE NACHMANI MICHAEL AND MICHELLE NACHMANI DANIEL AND ANNE NAGEL DANIEL AND ANNE NAGEL RABBI YAAKOV AND SARA NAGEL RABBI YAAKOV AND SARA NAGEL JONATHAN AND MINDY NEISS JONATHAN AND MINDY NEISS ELIELI AND TALIA NEUBERG AND TALIA NEUBERG STEVEN AND MARTINE NEWMAN STEVEN AND MARTINE NEWMAN ANNA BAUM AND BARRY NOVACK ANNA BAUM AND BARRY NOVACK TERRY AND GAIL NOVETSKY TERRY AND GAIL NOVETSKY SCOTT AND RONIT ORLANSKI SCOTT AND RONIT ORLANSKI AVI AND ALISSA OSSIP AVI AND ALISSA OSSIP DREW AND CAREENA PARKER DREW AND CAREENA PARKER PROF. MARTIN PATT PROF. MARTIN PATT PEOPLE’S UNITED INSURANCE PEOPLE’S UNITED INSURANCE AGENCY AGENCY ALIZA AND MICHAEL PILEVSKY ALIZA AND MICHAEL PILEVSKY DENA AND SETH PILEVSKY DENA AND SETH PILEVSKY MORDECHAI AND ALIZA POLSTEIN MORDECHAI AND ALIZA POLSTEIN LARRY AND ANDREA PORTAL LARRY AND ANDREA PORTAL MR. AND MRS. DAVID PORUSH MR. AND MRS. DAVID PORUSH YITZIE AND NANCY PRETTER YITZIE AND NANCY PRETTER GAIL PROPP GAIL PROPP RICHARD AND ORA RABINOVICH RICHARD AND ORA RABINOVICH NORMAN AND LINDY RADOW NORMAN AND LINDY RADOW DR. STEVEN AND BELINDA RAIKIN DR. STEVEN AND BELINDA RAIKIN REGALS FOUNDATION REGALS FOUNDATION YARON AND LISA REICH YARON AND LISA REICH JASON AND SHANI REITBERGER JASON AND SHANI REITBERGER DR. WESTON AND DENISE RICHTER DR. WESTON AND DENISE RICHTER GAIL AND BINYAMIN RIEDER GAIL AND BINYAMIN RIEDER RALPH AND LEAH RIEDER RALPH AND LEAH RIEDER DR. JAY AND MARJORIE ROBINOW DR. JAY AND MARJORIE ROBINOW IRA AND DEBRA ROSENBERG IRA AND DEBRA ROSENBERG YITZHOK AND TAMAR ROSENTHAL YITZHOK AND TAMAR ROSENTHAL JOSHUA AND ALYSE ROZENBERG JOSHUA AND ALYSE ROZENBERG RABBI DANIEL AND RABBI DANIEL AND ELISHEVA RUBENSTEIN ELISHEVA RUBENSTEIN IDELLE RUDMAN IDELLE RUDMAN ZVI AND SHARONNE RUDMAN ZVI AND SHARONNE RUDMAN LARRY AND SHELLY RUSSAK LARRY AND SHELLY RUSSAK MILTON AND SHIRLEY SABIN MILTON AND SHIRLEY SABIN MARVIN AND ROZ SAMUELS MARVIN AND ROZ SAMUELS

SAPPHIRE WEALTH ADVISORY SAPPHIRE WEALTH ADVISORY GROUP GROUP DAVID AND ROSLYN SAVITSKY DAVID AND ROSLYN SAVITSKY TAMMI AND BENNETT SCHACHTER TAMMI AND BENNETT SCHACHTER TOBY MACY SCHAFFER TOBY MACY SCHAFFER ROBERT AND ANDREA SCHECHTER ROBERT AND ANDREA SCHECHTER DR. MARCEL AND DR. MARCEL AND TAMAR SCHEINMAN TAMAR SCHEINMAN DR. JOSEF SCHENKER DR. JOSEF SCHENKER RONNIE AND SANDRA SCHIFF RONNIE AND SANDRA SCHIFF TERRI AND NEIL SCHLOSS TERRI AND NEIL SCHLOSS JERRY AND BARBARA SCHRECK JERRY AND BARBARA SCHRECK MALI AND STEVE SCHWARTZ MALI AND STEVE SCHWARTZ SHLOMO AND GITTY SCHWARTZ SHLOMO AND GITTY SCHWARTZ SCOTT AND JAMIE SELIGSOHN SCOTT AND JAMIE SELIGSOHN ALEXANDER SELIGSON ALEXANDER SELIGSON ANDREW AND STEPHANI SEROTTA ANDREW AND STEPHANI SEROTTA ARI AND SHOSHANA SHABAT ARI AND SHOSHANA SHABAT RALPH AND SARAH SHAMAH RALPH AND SARAH SHAMAH RUTH SHANKER RUTH SHANKER BENJAMIN AND MOR SHAPIRO BENJAMIN AND MOR SHAPIRO JAYNE SHAPIRO JAYNE SHAPIRO MICHAEL AND TALI SHAPIRO MICHAEL AND TALI SHAPIRO SHEFA BRACHA FUND SHEFA BRACHA FUND YAAKOV AND SARI SHEINFELD YAAKOV AND SARI SHEINFELD HELEN AND GERALD SILVER HELEN AND GERALD SILVER DR. MORRIS AND SHARON SILVER DR. MORRIS AND SHARON SILVER DANIEL AND NOMI SILVERMAN DANIEL AND NOMI SILVERMAN TZVI SIMPSON TZVI SIMPSON MICHAEL SMITH MICHAEL SMITH KERRI AND JEFFREY SNOW FAMILY KERRI AND JEFFREY SNOW FAMILY FOUNDATION FOUNDATION BARRY AND JODIE SOBEL BARRY AND JODIE SOBEL JAIME AND MARILYN SOHACHESKI JAIME AND MARILYN SOHACHESKI JONATHAN AND DODI SPIELMAN JONATHAN AND DODI SPIELMAN RUTH BRANDT SPITZER RUTH BRANDT SPITZER STEINIG FAMILY: ESTATE OFOF STEINIG FAMILY: ESTATE MELVIN AND MIRELE STEINIG A”H MELVIN AND MIRELE STEINIG A”H MR. AND MRS. ABRAHAM J. J. STERN MR. AND MRS. ABRAHAM STERN RACHELLE AND ZEV STERN RACHELLE AND ZEV STERN DR. DAVID AND DOROTHY STOLL DR. DAVID AND DOROTHY STOLL AARON AND ARIELLA STRASSMAN AARON AND ARIELLA STRASSMAN ABRAHAM SULTAN ABRAHAM SULTAN MICHAEL SWIECA MICHAEL SWIECA SAM AND NANCY SUTTON SAM AND NANCY SUTTON MATT TEICHMAN MATT TEICHMAN JONATHAN AND RACHEL TIGER JONATHAN AND RACHEL TIGER TAL TOURS TAL TOURS SAM AND TZIPI TRAMIEL SAM AND TZIPI TRAMIEL SHLOMO AND RONNI TROODLER SHLOMO AND RONNI TROODLER DANIEL AND ZAHAVAH URETSKY DANIEL AND ZAHAVAH URETSKY KIRILL AND MARY VOROBEYCHIK KIRILL AND MARY VOROBEYCHIK DANIEL AND SARA WALZMAN DANIEL AND SARA WALZMAN JOSHUA AND LESLIE WANDERER JOSHUA AND LESLIE WANDERER ININ MEMORY OFOF DOVID MEMORY DOVID BEN REB YOSEF WEINBERG A”H BEN REB YOSEF WEINBERG A”H BARBARA AND HOWARD WEINER BARBARA AND HOWARD WEINER ESTHER AND BARUCH WEINSTEIN ESTHER AND BARUCH WEINSTEIN LENNIE AND JESSICA WEISS LENNIE AND JESSICA WEISS AMNON AND RONIT WENGER AMNON AND RONIT WENGER RABBI ARYEH AND YAEL WIELGUS RABBI ARYEH AND YAEL WIELGUS CHAIM AND MIRIAM WIELGUS CHAIM AND MIRIAM WIELGUS HOWARD AND BATIA WIESENFELD HOWARD AND BATIA WIESENFELD DAVID WITTENBERG DAVID WITTENBERG JORGE AND JORGE AND TAMMARA WOLDENBERG TAMMARA WOLDENBERG DAVID AND NATALIE WOLF DAVID AND NATALIE WOLF RABBI SHABSAI AND DEBBIE WOLFE RABBI SHABSAI AND DEBBIE WOLFE FRAN AND DAVID WOOLF FRAN AND DAVID WOOLF EREZ ZEVULUNOV EREZ ZEVULUNOV

List asas ofof 12/31/21 List 12/31/21 We apologize forfor any omissions.

We apologize any omissions.

If you wish toto bebe acknowledged, If you wish acknowledged, please contact Elaine Salvit please contact Elaine Salvit Grossman atat salvite@ou.org Grossman salvite@ou.org

BOOKS

Faith at Work: Elevating Our Work Day Parashah by Parashah

By Jeff Weinberg Mosaica Press Israel, 2021 223 pages

Reviewed by Allen Fagin

R

esearchers tell us that, on average, we spend 8.8 hours at work each day. Yet, for many of us, our work lives are often divorced from our spiritual pursuits. In a seminal article in the pages of Jewish Action in the spring of 2002, entitled “Finding G-d 9 to 5: The Spiritual Challenges of the Workplace,” Rabbi Yitzchok Breitowitz elaborated on this theme—and this constant challenge: While we meticulously observe the highest standards of Shabbat and kashrut, we conduct our professional lives blithely unaware of, or perhaps even indifferent to, the tremendous and indeed frightening spiritual challenges we face. Our motto seems to be “Man/ Woman of the world from 9 to 5; Torah Jew on evenings and weekends.”

Chaim Yosef Yaakov Weinberg (or Jeff, as he’s known in the business world), in collaboration with Rabbi Yisroel Simcha Weingot, has penned an inspiring volume, a collection of divrei Torah on parashat hashavua, designed to challenge us to confront our often schizophrenic approach to the spiritual dimension of our lives, and to find constant sources of emunah and bitachon in our parnassah-facing activities.

Allen Fagin served with distinction as the executive vice president of the OU from 2014 to 2020.

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JEWISH ACTION Spring 5782/2022

Faith at Work is an effort to explore how ordinary balabatim can transform mundane pursuits into holy endeavors. By placing our work lives into proper perspective—as yet another meaningful opportunity to connect with the Almighty—we can add profound meaning and purpose to our everyday activities.

Weinberg analyzes each week’s parashah, weaving throughout the insights of tzaddikim through our history, and a storehouse of personal vignettes drawn from his experiences as a successful entrepreneur.

But before delving further into this thoughtful volume, a disclaimer is appropriate. I have known Jeff Weinberg, a genuine ba’al tzedakah, for a number of years as a fellow congregant of Aish Kodesh in Woodmere, Long Island. Jeff Weinberg is neither a rosh yeshivah nor a rav. Rather, he is a distinguished businessman—a co-founding partner

of Meridian Capital Group, one of the nation’s leading mortgage companies.

And it is through this lens—indeed, as a result of his enormous success in the world of finance—that Jeff has written this very personal work.

Faith at Work is not—and does not purport to be—a scholarly exposition of halachic issues encountered in earning a livelihood. There is no treatment of the halachic dynamics surrounding the myriad obstacles and challenges routinely faced by the Orthodox Jew in the workplace: Shabbat and yom tov observance; kashrut issues when dining out with clients, suppliers or co-workers; lashon hara (whether in describing competing businesses or engaging in “water cooler” gossip); stealing from one’s employer (whether the theft takes the form of time, supplies, et cetera); geneivat da’at (misrepresentation); or the encounter with immodest dress or speech. Nor does this book purport to cover substantive halachic questions relating to the conduct of business or professional behavior, such as wills and inheritance; copyright and intellectual property; unfair competition; oaths; contracts; or the payment of wages to employees and contractors, to name just a few. Rather, this book is about our approach to the workplace and how each encounter with the mundane can elevate our spirit and draw us closer to G-d.

While Faith at Work is not organized thematically, there are several yesodot that permeate many of the parashah insights. One pervasive theme of Faith at Work is the need to recognize that whatever success we achieve in our parnassah endeavors stems from the bounty and beneficence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu—and that the need for such a constant recognition multiplies as our financial and professional successes multiply.

“V’amarta bilvavecha ‘kochi v’otzem yadi asah li et hachayil hazeh’—And you will say to yourself, ‘My strength and the might of my hand has accumulated this wealth for me” (Devarim 8:17).

The concern that man will attribute his success to his own doing is so

a week. However, they realized their prevalent, says the Saba of Kelm, that financial situation hadn’t grown along the pasuk doesn’t say, “maybe you will with their added work days; rather, say,” but rather, “you will say”. . . . they still made the same amount as The Meilitz Yosher [Weinberg notes] before! (Faith at Work, pp. 49-50). shares an amazing insight. We wash In a similar vein, the devar Torah our hands in the morning to cleanse for Parashat Matot illustrates the our body of the residue of impurity that futility of the endless pursuit of greater leaves its mark on our hands. Why the and greater material reward at the hands and not any other limbs? He expense of the development of our explains that man ascribes his success spiritual dimension and mission: in the material world to the prowess of Someone once came to Rav Chaim his hands—kochi v’otzem yadi. There Kanievsky with a real concern. He had is no greater impurity than this sort of just won the lottery and was nervous mindset (Faith at Work, pp. 175-177). that his friends and neighbors would be Likewise, it is our purpose to jealous of him. “What should I do?” he recognize—to internalize—that asked. Rav Chaim asked him if he had the gifts bestowed on us are not a chavrusa in the morning. “I leave to ours. Parnassah is but a means to an work too early,” he answered. end—the ability to engage in chesed; “How about in the evening?” Rav Chaim to improve the lot of others and, in then asked him. the process, to better serve the Borei “I work too late, and by the time I get Olam. (Parnassah, Weinberg notes, home, I must get to bed.” has a gematria of 395—the same as neshamah). The corollary is the equally “So, I do not understand,” said Rav Chaim. “What would anyone be jealous important recognition that faith can propel us to prioritize our time and our of?” (Faith at Work, pp. 155-156).

A second pervasive theme efforts to lead a more meaningful and interspersed throughout Faith elevated life. Weinberg illustrates this at Work is the obligation to act al point in his devar Torah on Parashat kiddush Hashem. As Jews, regardless Shemot, and the enigmatic command of our professional pursuits, we are

by Pharaoh that the Israelites produce duty bound to be mekadesh Shem more bricks with less straw: Shamayim—to sanctify G-d’s Name The Torah is teaching us that through our actions, our deeds and the generally accepted notion of our behavior in the workplace. “working harder equals producing Commenting on Parashat Pekudei, more” is not necessarily true . . . .

Weinberg distinguishes between There is a reasonable amount of avodah and melachah. Avodah is an act time and effort that each individual of doing a specific job, but remaining can put into his work, each using his emotionally distant from it. Melachah, wisdom and Torah guidance. When on the other hand, connotes doing we step out of our narrow space and a task, but connecting with it in a acknowledge that, ultimately, our way that leaves our personal imprint. parnassah comes from Hashem, then Treating our workday as an exercise we can lock up and go home when in melachah rather than avodah the time arrives; we can also shut off allows us to leave lasting spiritual our phones when it comes time to fingerprints; how we act and how daven and for family time, as well. we speak can not only profoundly When the Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh impact others but can create ongoing was Rav in Morocco, he instituted a opportunities to be mekadesh Shem three-day work week. The rest of the Shamayim in all our interactions. week was for Torah study. Surprisingly, It is our obligation to live “b’kerev it “worked out” very well, and the ha’aretz”—in this world, not apart community flourished. When the from it. As Weinberg notes in his Ohr Hachaim moved to Eretz Yisrael, consideration of Parashat Va’etchanan, the people in Morocco slowly began holy speech and conduct should not be adding days to the work week until reserved for what we may characterize they found themselves working six days

as spiritual endeavors. “We don’t leave G-d at the train station and pick Him up when we arrive back at home. He comes with us ‘in the midst of the land’ and we have opportunities to seek Him out wherever we find ourselves.”

As Rabbi Breitowitz noted in the article referenced above, “we are slaves both to our work and to the negative emotions that work engenders within us including envy, possessiveness, materialism, arrogance and the like.” Sapped of time, energy and focus by the pressures of earning a livelihood, it is all too easy to lose sight of life’s ultimate purpose and of our very reason for being. Faith at Work is a potent vaccine against the virus of spiritual atrophy and the often debilitating preoccupation with our daily routine.

The gemara in Masechet Shabbat 31a instructs that when we come to give Hashem a final accounting of our earthly accomplishments, one of the questions we will be asked by the Beit Din shel Ma’alah is: “Nasata v’natata b’emunah—Have you comported yourself in business endeavors with faithfulness and integrity?” The question implies not only honesty in our dealings, but whether we imported faith—emunah—into the “secular” aspects of our lives.

Rabbi Breitowitz offered the following suggestion for infusing our workday with spirituality: perhaps, he mused, we should begin our workday with a prayer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu that “what I’m going to do for the next eight hours is with the intention of serving You.” In Faith at Work, Jeff Weinberg has crafted an inspiring reminder—week by week, parashah by parashah—that kedushah can extend to every aspect of our lives.

Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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The Koren Yachad Siddur Translation and commentary by Rabbi Dr. Benjy Leibowitz and Michael Adler Koren Publishers/OU Press Jerusalem/New York, 2019 888 pages

Reviewed by Dr. Stephen Glicksman

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any years ago, following Friday night Maariv in the Modern Orthodox synagogue I had been attending for a few years, I turned to those around me and, as one is inclined to do, said, “Good Shabbos.” A moment later, an older man, a stalwart of the shul whom I had seen regularly but never spoken to, approached me with a warm smile, introduced himself and said, “Good Shabbos! Welcome to the shul! What’s your name? How long have you been davening here?” I responded, “Good Shabbos, my name is Stephen and I moved in about five years ago.” He said, “Well, nice to meet you, have a great Shabbos!” As he turned away, my curiosity was piqued, and I called back to him, “Sir, thank you so much for introducing yourself, but I have to ask—I’ve been coming here for five years. What made you approach me tonight?” “Well,” he responded, “my brother is visiting us for Shabbos, and he has Down syndrome. You were the only person who wished him a ‘good Shabbos’ after davening.”

Dr. Stephen Glicksman is a developmental psychologist. He is the director of clinical innovation at Makor Care and Support Network and founder of its Makor College Experience Program in partnership with Yeshiva University.

Looking back, I do not believe this story would happen in most Modern Orthodox shuls today. Firstly, I think shuls in general have gotten friendlier.

More importantly, though, many of today’s “shul stalwarts” did not grow up during the era when families were told to institutionalize their children who were born different, but rather as the generation who spent their summers as counselors in camps for children with specialized needs, attended yeshivah day schools with inclusion programs, spent their high school years attending inclusive Shabbatonim, and worked their way through college by earning extra money as counselors in group homes.

This is a generation of individuals who today sit on yeshivah school boards and advocate for accepting students with specialized needs; who coach Little League teams and try to make sure everyone gets a chance to play; who sit on building committees of shuls and ensure that seats for people who use wheelchairs are scattered throughout the sanctuary instead of piled together in one section; or who simply make sure to politely point out to those who are less sensitive that it is offensive to use a derogatory term for specialized needs that means stupid or slow. And, of course, many of this generation

are now the parents of children with specialized needs themselves, who, because of the inclusiveness of the community in which they were raised, see themselves in some way as having prepared for this challenge and responsibility their entire lives.

And yet, as with all societal progress, just as what was once unimaginable can become commonplace, so too what was once considered “cutting edge” can become outdated. In the field of specialized needs, sheltered workshops have been replaced by supported employment. Institutions housing thousands were replaced by developmental centers for hundreds, which were then closed in favor of group homes of ten, which are now themselves viewed as “institutional.”

When it comes to the concept of “inclusion,” a similar evolution is in order. Specifically, it is time to move beyond “inclusion” and start engaging in the actual act of “including.” Put another way, we need to stop viewing the inclusion of people with disabilities as an activity (something you do, say, at a Shabbaton or over the summer or for “chesed hours”) and instead view including people with specialized needs as an act of normalization, not something we do for a person because of his disabilities, but rather something we do with a person, regardless of his challenges or differences.

The new Koren Yachad Siddur is a wonderful step in this direction.

Masterfully edited by Rabbi Dr. Benjy Leibowitz and Michael Adler and published with the support of the Legacy Heritage Fund, the Koren Yachad Siddur is designed to make communal prayer more accessible to people with intellectual disabilities, through its innovative graphic design, formatting elements, and a “conceptual translation” that aims to explain fundamental concepts. Color-coded text points the reader to explanatory commentary or highlights sections of the prayers that are read aloud, said Spring 5782/2022 JEWISH ACTION

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only on certain days or spoken only by the shaliach tzibbur. Easily understandable icons and instructions identify points in the davening at which one is expected to engage in behaviors such as sitting, standing, bowing, kissing one’s tzitzit or taking three steps backwards and forwards. Headings for certain prayers delineate their overall theme or suggest specific areas of focus while praying. The editors appear to have done their best to address the question, “What can we do to make prayer more accessible?” and have responded with practical innovations.

The “conceptual” translation will certainly help its users more directly grasp and personalize the intended meaning of the words in ways that more traditional siddurim do not. For example, throughout the siddur the words, “Baruch Atah Hashem,” which in the standard Koren Siddur are translated as, “Blessed are You, L-rd,” are simply translated as, “Thank You, Hashem.” Other editorial choices appear aimed to preempt challenges and simplify concepts that in general can be troubling for some people. For example, the relevant Morning Blessings are respectively translated as, “Thank You, Hashem, our G-d, King of the World, Who allows me to do the special mitzvot for men” or “the special mitzvot for women.” Other changes appear to be catering to the more specific sensitivities of the intended audience, such as the Refa’einu blessing in the Amidah, typically translated in the Koren Siddur as, “Heal us L-rd and we shall be healed. Save us and we shall be saved,” but translated here as, “Hashem, if You decide to heal the sick, they will be healed. If You decide to save those in need, they will be saved.” Of course, there will always be someone looking to “out-sensitive” you, and such opportunities might be found. I was personally surprised to see the morning blessing of Zokef Kefufim, normally translated by Koren as, “Blessed are You . . .

Who raises those bowed down” (and more literally by ArtScroll as “Who strengthens the bent”) here elucidated to the potentially less sensitive, “Thank you, Hashem . . . Who allows me to sit and stand.” Nevertheless, overall the editors seem to have succeeded in keeping the text person-centered for their intended audience.

As is often the case with modifications that help those with learning and developmental challenges, many of the graphic and design innovations of the Koren Yachad Siddur will also likely be found helpful by individuals of all abilities who may find communal prayer mystifying or otherwise not easily accessible.

At the same time, this is not a “beginner’s siddur.” A familiarity with the structure of davening is assumed, and while the conceptual translation may make some abstract ideas more understandable, it remains a “Yeshivish” conceptual translation despite its description by the editors as an “English conceptual translation.” So while “Baruch Atah” may be translated as “Thank You,” “Kaddish Yatom” is translated as “Kaddish Yatom” and “Beit Hamikdash” is translated as “Beit Hamikdash.”

While making prayer more accessible to those who would benefit from this siddur’s use is clearly the driving force behind its publication, there is a secondary benefit to having this siddur in the hands of those praying in our shuls, and even simply having this siddur on the shelves with all of the other various siddurim we use: it conveys the message that people of all abilities are welcome. It shows the community and anyone who enters our houses of worship that just as we welcome those who prefer a linear translation, over a side-by-side translation, or those who require Russian text next to their Hebrew and Aramaic instead of English (or who prefer no translation at all), we also welcome people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. That is why, in addition to highly recommending this siddur to those for whom it was intended, I hope that every congregation purchases a few copies for its shelves and labels the shelf appropriately for all to see. Hopefully, someone will pick it up and find it helpful. But even if nobody does, its presence will serve as a reminder that regardless of how the Creator chose to create us, we all belong.

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The editors appear to have done their best to address the question, “What can we do to make prayer more accessible?”

Thinking back to that Friday night some three decades ago, I don’t recall if I purposely went out of my way to wish that man with Down syndrome a “good Shabbos” because I was a graduate student in developmental psychology working in group homes, or if I said “good Shabbos” simply because the young man happened to be sitting near me. I would like to think it was the latter.

And, to be fair, I don’t know if other people did not say “good Shabbos” to him because he had Down syndrome or because it simply wasn’t a particularly friendly shul.

Either way, it seems nobody else did, and his brother, who was of that generation who either visited his brother in an institution or perhaps didn’t recognize the heroism of his parents in keeping him out of one, seemed to think it was something unique. But it shouldn’t be, and today it typically isn’t. People with disabilities are more commonly found inside synagogues today. Shul buildings are more inclusive. And now, with the Koren Yachad Siddur, perhaps we can help those with specialized needs in our shuls be even more included in what we are all supposed to be doing once we get there.

Enjoy hundreds of shiurim at all learning levels, by esteemed female educators and scholars. Learn Neviim and Ketuvim daily with Torat Imecha Nach Yomi, explore the weekly Parsha with Torat Imecha Parsha, the holidays with Ideas and Inspiration, and more!

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Ask Rabbi Jack

By Rabbi Jack Abramowitz Kodesh Press New York, 2020 296 pages

Reviewed by Rabbi Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer “The yeshivah curriculum . . . focuses mainly on textual skills and select topics. For good pedagogical and sociological reasons, much of the Torah remains outside the standard curriculum, waiting for the motivated student to find and study it. Too many people never take that initiative.”

—From Rabbi Gil Student’s Foreword to Ask Rabbi Jack

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e could devote this entire essay (and more) to the few words from Rabbi Gil Student’s Foreword to Ask Rabbi Jack.

I believe they are true and insightful.

But for our purposes here, they serve more importantly to contextualize the importance of Ask Rabbi Jack for the readership of Jewish Action.

Such books are often classified as part of the kiruv genre, presenting the profundity of Torah-true Judaism to outsiders while addressing their misconceptions of Orthodoxy. That endorsements on the book’s back cover are from Rabbi Steven Burg of Aish HaTorah and Allison Josephs of Jew in the City, two organizations known for their outstanding kiruv, just serves to reinforce that classification.

But such a classification would only be partially true. As Rabbi Student notes, even those of us (perhaps especially those of us) who have had a decent and comprehensive Orthodox Jewish education have often come away with little understanding of the 100

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actual breadth and depth of Torah thought.1 Kiruv is of paramount importance to us, and the precept of da mah shetashiv—know how to respond [to a disbeliever]—2 is one of utmost importance. But as many sources note, a primary purpose of this precept is that we should know how to respond to the disbeliever within every one of us.

Of course, there is a rich literature of books dealing with such issues that falls beyond the scope of the standard yeshivah curriculum. One might, for example, read through the six volumes of Strive for Truth, the translation of Rabbi Eliyahu E.

Dessler zt”l’s Michtav Me’Eliyahu, and acquire vast knowledge of such areas of Jewish thought. Inevitably, however, some contemporary readers will have a hard time relating to the material and style of that and similar works. From this standpoint, Rabbi Jack’s book speaks to this generation in a very effective fashion.3 A salient example is his treatment of the issue of secular music. Rabbi Jack displays a sensitivity to his audience— who he assumes grew up, like himself, with this music in its ears—and a perspective grounded in that sensitivity that is much more nuanced and accepting than one would find in works intended for other audiences. Similarly, you won’t find many other sefarim that would use Princess Diana and Nancy Reagan as examples of how to combine modesty with attractiveness.

Yet these are figures whose mode of dress would be immediately recognized by many (if not most) of this magazine’s reading audience.

Rabbi Jack’s analyses are as comprehensive as one could wish or expect, allowing for the necessary brevity in a work that covers such a broad array of topics. Nevertheless, it would have been useful and conducive to further exploration if more comprehensive sources and references were included. For example, in a succinct review of Orthodox attitudes toward Zionism, there is not a single reference, even when the author quotes the gemara in Ketubot (111a), about the Three Oaths—a core point of contention in any such analysis. Such

From this standpoint, Rabbi Jack’s book speaks to this generation in a very effective fashion.

sources and references are not always lacking. In a discussion of when one should be stringent and when one may be lenient in matters of halachah, Rabbi Jack provides ample sources.

Perhaps in the next edition the author can add references and sources to the articles in which they are lacking.

There is but one more critique of this fine work worth mentioning. The cover selected by the publisher does not adequately convey the high quality of the book’s contents; one does not associate a cover with a caricature of the author with high-caliber analysis of profound issues. This is truly a case of “Do not judge a book by its cover!”

I found many of the articles full of information and insight. The essay on anti-Semitism offers a comprehensive overview of the four manners in which the controversial statement of Rabbi Shimon, “Halachah b’yadua she’Esav sonei l’Yaakov” (“It is a well-known law that Esav hates Yaakov”) is interpreted. Rabbi Jack’s assessment of the authenticity of the Zohar is another masterful analysis. (Full disclosure: Rabbi Jack bases much of what he writes on what he learned from my esteemed brother, Rabbi Yochanan Meir Bechhofer, “who is far more well versed in the Zohar than you, I or the person who compiled that list of proofs [that the Zohar couldn’t have been written by Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai].”)

In the article on tzeniut (modesty), Rabbi Jack notes that the oft-cited assertion that “What Torah does for men, tznius (sic) does for women,” lacks any known support in Tanach or Chazal, or in the Iggeret HaGra (the letter that the Vilna Gaon sent to his wife when he was on his way to attempt to reach Eretz Yisrael). As recently as this past Tishah B’Av, I myself heard a well-known and admired talmid chacham cite the assertion and attribute it to the Vilna Gaon’s letter.

Since the time my daughter came home from school and related this assertion and the alleged source (the Gaon’s letter), I have gone through the Iggeret several times. It does not say anything of the kind there (although Rabbi Jack tries to be melamed zechut—find some merit in the assertion—through a very

Even those of us (perhaps especially those of us) who have had a decent and comprehensive Orthodox Jewish education have often come away with little understanding of the actual breadth and depth of Torah thought. dubious inference). He does go on to note that tzeniut is a very important trait, one of the “Big Three” in Michah 6:8, “. . . what G-d asks of you, only that you act justly, love mercy and walk humbly (hatznei’a lechet) with your G-d.” In its source in Michah, however, “tzeniyus is not just a ‘women’s mitzvah’ and it’s not just about what we wear. Tzeniyus is for everyone, and it’s ultimately about how we act.”

There are a few issues in which I find myself quibbling with Rabbi Jack. A relatively minor one is the question of whether the tribe of Shimon was one of the Ten Tribes who comprised the Northern Kingdom of Israel that broke off from the Southern Kingdom of Judea during the reign of Shlomo Hamelech’s son Rechavam. Rabbi Jack contends that the tribe of Shimon did break away. I doubt that was the case, as the portion of the tribe of Shimon was not a distinct area—it was part and parcel of the portion of the tribe of Yehudah. I believe that the Ten Tribes include Levi,4 as there were Levi’im in both the Northern and Southern Kingdoms.

A more significant point is that of organ donation. Rabbi Jack writes that he is “a big fan of the Halachic Organ Donor Society” (HODS). Yet in the same paragraph, he notes that his “HODS card has the box checked for irreversible cessation of heartbeat (which is the more stringent position) [in terms of defining the donor as dead for the purpose of harvesting organs].”

The position taken by the author is not

HODS’ preferred position (which is to use “brain stem death” as the definition of death), yet someone reading that Rabbi Jack is a big fan of HODS might assume that its standard is just fine and that Rabbi Jack’s stringency is just a personal one. This is actually a very complex and delicate halachic issue with much controversy surrounding the lenient position. More elaboration and detail would have been helpful.

By and large, this work is extraordinary in its scope, impressive in its depth and, perhaps most importantly, a pleasure to read. As they say—“highly recommended.”

Notes: 1. For a more elaborate discussion of this issue, I refer the reader to my review of Facing Current Challenges by Rabbi Dr. Yehudah (Leo) Levi, zt”l, which appeared in the fall 2003 issue of Jewish Action (https:// jewishaction.com/books/reviews/facing-current-challenges-essays-judaism/).

2. Avot 2:14.

3. This should not come as a surprise, considering his long-term association with the OU and with its youth movement, NCSY, the premier organization dedicated to inspiring and empowering Jewish teens.

4. Reuven, Levi, Naftali, Yissaschar, Asher, Dan, Zevulun, Gad, Ephraim and Menashe.

Rabbi Yosef Gavriel Bechhofer is a rav and dayan in Monsey, New York. He recently published the fourth edition of The Contemporary Eruv: Eruvin in Modern Metropolitan Areas (New York, 2020). He is a frequent contributor to these pages.

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Reviews in Brief

By Rabbi Gil Student

THE 4 SONS HAGGADAH

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By Rabbi Allen Schwartz Mosaica Press Los Angeles, 2019 208 pages

very year we are blessed with new Haggadah commentaries, offering additional perspectives and insights on the classical text. With so much already said on the subject, it is hard to imagine someone finding an approach that is traditional yet original. Rabbi Allen Schwartz has accomplished this feat with his The 4 Sons Haggadah, in which he presents four commentaries, each intended for a different son.

As readers know, the Haggadah discusses the four sons, traditionally translated as the wise, wicked and simple sons as well as the son who does not know how to ask. Rabbi Schwartz eloquently describes them as the wise, cynical, pure and withdrawn sons. He addresses each son in a running commentary on the text of the Haggadah. The wise son receives answers that show the complex themes and sources of the text. The cynical son learns more about the history of events and the faith issues they touch upon. The pure son is taught inspirational lessons, and the withdrawn son is offered exciting aspects of the story.

For example, regarding the comparison between the attempts

by Lavan and Pharaoh to destroy the Jewish people, the wise son learns,

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among other things, about the use and significance of variants of the word “tzei” (go out) in the Haggadah.

The cynical son is taught that G-d saved Yaakov from the greatest danger he faced with Lavan, learning his dishonest ways. The pure son is informed that the more you study, the more you see how G-d has saved us from the clutches of those who wish to destroy us. The withdrawn son learns that Lavan means white, which appears colorless but really combines all colors. Lavan deceived people with his seeming friendliness, but in reality, he wanted to destroy us.

Rabbi Schwartz brings his vast talent as a rabbi and educator to explain the many themes of the Haggadah from different perspectives, side by side.

While this remarkable Haggadah is intended for four different types of people, it also appeals to the different aspects of each individual’s personality.

RUPTURE and RECONSTRUCTION: THE TRANSFORMATION of MODERN ORTHODOXY

By Haym Soloveitchik The Littman Library of Jewish Civilization, in association with Liverpool University Press London, 2021 144 pages

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r. Haym Soloveitchik’s 1994 essay, “Rupture and Reconstruction,” provoked a good deal of thought and discussion about the transformation of the Orthodox world in the twentieth century. In this recently published book— twenty-seven years later—containing the essay and additional material, Dr. Soloveitchik addresses the many mistaken readings of his essay and responds to many comments and criticisms.

Dr. Soloveitchik’s main thesis in his essay is that the migration from the proverbial shtetl and the subsequent acculturation (which is distinct from assimilation) largely removed the ability to transmit tradition through cultural immersion. Instead, Jewish tradition is now passed on through

texts. With this observation, Dr. Soloveitchik proceeds to explain a number of cultural changes that he witnessed in his lifetime. Primary among these changes is the “chumra” culture in which Orthodox Jews—even traditionalists in Bnei Brak—change their family practices based on textual study, something almost unthinkable in previous generations. Dr. Soloveitchik’s attempt to explain many different phenomena with this thesis caused some confusion among readers.

In additional material included in this book, he explains where some readers went wrong.

Dr. Soloveitchik points out that he was not trying to explain every change in the community with his theory.

Some changes occurred for other reasons, such as the development of modern technology. These changes would have happened even if Jews had remained in their largely self-contained cultures. Additionally, he only described Ashkenazic, non-Chassidic Jews from Eastern Europe who migrated to Israel, England and the United States. Other communities had different experiences. Perhaps most importantly, he was describing and explaining the changes he observed, not judging which form of education and transmission is better.

This new volume contains additional responses, particularly to the many essays published in the journal Tradition for the twenty-fifth anniversary of the article. Dr. Soloveitchik sharpens his points and clarifies his intent, allowing readers to further ponder the sea changes in Orthodoxy over the past century.

THE POWER OF IDEAS: WORDS OF FAITH AND WISDOM

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By Jonathan Sacks Hodder & Stoughton London, 2021 402 pages

he premature passing of Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks shocked the Jewish world and many beyond. This is because Rabbi Sacks served not only as a leader of the

Jewish people but as its representative to modern and postmodern views of to the world. With his vast talents, he justice. Throughout the book, we find promoted faith, community and family insights into the maladies of the day values to the Western world. His latest and potential solutions to the world’s book, The Power of Ideas: Words of problems, generally based on messages Faith and Wisdom, consists of posthufound in the Torah and Jewish history. mously collected articles and speeches The essays and lectures themselves are delivered to the world at large. The worthwhile, both as thought-provoking book includes many of Rabbi Sacks’ ideas and as overviews to key elements insights and commentaries, albeit of Rabbi Sacks’ thought. Perhaps more only a small selection from his vast importantly, the breadth of topics and output. More than anything, the book audiences, the important events and demonstrates the breadth of Rabbi conferences at which these addresses Sacks’ appeal to the broader world were presented and the newspapers by presenting his thoughts at pivotal and media in which they appeared events in the late stage of his career. demonstrate the remarkable impact Fittingly, the book begins with Rabbi Sacks had on thinking people of a foreword by Prince Charles, who all faiths and nationalities. He was a declares himself “an avid reader and Jewish ambassador of ideas who deeply follower of [Rabbi Sacks’] work.” The influenced the millions of people who book’s first two sections include read and heard his eloquent words. selections from Rabbi Sacks’ BBC “Thought for the Day” radio broadcasts THE SNAKE AT and his “Credo” column in the London THE MOUTH OF Times. The third section includes a THE CAVE selection of Rabbi Sacks’ op-eds in

By Moshe Sokol major publications. The fourth section Maggid Books consists of some of his addresses to the Jerusalem, 2021 House of Lords. And the final section 244 pages includes some of his most important t is very difficult to piece together lectures. biographies of individual sages In these messages, Rabbi Sacks offers of the Mishnah and Talmud for brief but profound thoughts on key two reasons. First, classical texts events and trends—a royal marriage, include stories about specific rabbis Margaret Thatcher’s funeral, interfaith only incidentally, when relevant to relations, social media, climate change, a broader message. Additionally, et cetera. He uses these hooks as the those stories often include allegories. entry to discussion of universal values Any translation of such stories into that all people need to recognize. What biographical material requires a good does a rabbi have to say about the deal of interpretation.

400th anniversary of the King James In The Snake at the Mouth of the Bible? Rabbi Sacks discusses the initial Cave, Rabbi Dr. Moshe Sokol, the resistance of the Church to translating dean of Touro’s Lander College for the Bible into English and its eventual capitulation because “it’s hard to stop the Men, conducts both exercises simultatide of information once it starts flowing.” neously, pulling together a number of stories about specific rabbis and Similarly, all of Rabbi Sacks’ messages offering sensitive and detailed interprefeel relevant to the times and close to the tations of these passages. The net lives of his listeners and readers. result is a series of mini-biographies The longer addresses include some of the sages Rabbi Eliezer, Akavya Ben of his most profound insights into Mahalalel, Rabbi Yochanan and Choni the modern world. In a lecture on the Circle-Drawer.

Perhaps the most criminal justice, Rabbi Sacks offers noteworthy methodological element a brief but exciting overview of is the author’s traditional sensibility, the intellectual history of criminal his reverence for the sages and his justice and notes that the Biblical acceptance of the text as we have it. concept of retribution has been lost

I

Rabbi Sokol, who holds a PhD from the University of Pennsylvania, carefully acknowledges varying academic approaches but consistently adopts a traditional understanding. Despite his traditionalist orientation, Rabbi Sokol offers many psychological and historical interpretations that combine the different passages into coherent biographical narratives.

For example, Choni the CircleDrawer is described as sleeping for seventy years, waking up and then encountering various people. After realizing that he no longer fits into this new world, he prayed to die and was answered. This story can be taken literally, as many commentators have done. Rabbi Sokol suggests that it was a dream. Choni was a performer of wonders, a holy man who acted in the spirit of the prophets of prior generations. However, he lived during the Second Temple, when prophecy had ended and rabbis instructed the masses on how they could reach out to G-d on their own. During a drought, Choni drew a circle and demanded rain, like Elijah before him. But the rabbis taught that everyone must fast and pray for rain. In his spiritual approach, Choni was a relic from a past age, as he learned from his dream.

In examining this story and many others, Rabbi Sokol raises a number of questions about the narrative. He then focuses on a key insight that changes our understanding of the text. With this new understanding, he resolves all the questions he had posed. In this classical pedagogic approach, Rabbi Sokol demonstrates how to read a text carefully, how to think about the people under discussion, and how to scrutinize the details within a story to find its underlying message. Along the way, he examines the lives of great sages whose experiences bear profound meaning for all times.

Rabbi Gil Student writes frequently on Jewish issues and runs Torahmusings.com. He serves as the book editor for Jewish Action and is a member of the Jewish Action Editorial Committee.

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LASTING IMPRESSIONS

TWO NIGHTS, TWO PEOPLE, FOUR SOLO SEDERS

By Steve Lipman

“S

teve, my dear,” my mother, calling my office in Manhattan from her home in Buffalo several years ago, began an uncomfortable conversation, “we love you dearly, but . . . .”

The “but” had me worried. That conjunction usually leads to the crucial part of a sentence.

“But please don’t come to us for Passover anymore.”

“Us” were Mom and Dad, who was still alive.

Dad, who had grown up in an extremely secular home in Berlin, knew nothing about attending a Seder, let alone leading one. Mom, from an Orthodox home, is from the generation where a wife would not upstage her husband; she would not feel comfortable leading the Seder. So from the time I was in elementary school (attending a few times a week after-school Hebrew program), I led our family Sedarim— sometimes for just us, sometimes for a smattering of guests.

My proficiency in this improved as an adult, after I joined the ranks of ba’alei teshuvah. It was a responsibility I truly enjoyed, engaging in months of research beforehand. I tried to make the Seders interesting, “relevant.”

But it was to be no more, Mom told me.

After I had studied the various halachot of preparing one’s home for a 104

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kosher Pesach, and married a strictly religious young woman, the mounting demands of Jewish law and tradition made Mom nervous. While she did her best to accommodate me and make me feel at home on the Festival of Freedom—shlepping cartons of yom tov dishes from the attic, kashering pots in the weeks before the holiday began, looking for kosher l’Pesach items at the local supermarket, trying to accept my way of making Pesach—finally it was to no avail. I was disinvited.

I would miss Pesach with my mishpachah but was free to spend the holiday with friends who invited me, by then divorced and single, to be their guest. And, later, to start the tradition that became my standard practice for nearly two decades—leading Seders in far-flung places, for small Jewish communities largely unfamiliar with the richness and beauty of a true Seder.

Then Covid came. No traveling. Just a solo Seder in my Queens apartment.

Then last year, my sister, who lives a mile away from Mom in the Houston area, asked me to come down and help take care of Mom. For social distancing reasons, Mom could not attend my sister’s Seder, as she had done since she moved to Texas fifteen years ago, following Dad’s death.

I would be with Mom for the Seders.

Four of them. Because of her age (she turned 100 a month before this past Pesach) and her health (she tired easily, by early evening), Mom decided that she would do her own Seder—while it was still light outside, before the chag actually started.

But no Seder (even if only a scaleddown version) was no option; Mom would do her best. “I didn’t think I’d make it to this Passover,” she told me gratefully during chol hamoed.

In her small apartment, I set the living room table with a dark blue plastic tablecloth, laid out Mom’s ceramic Seder plate and a plastic cup for her grape juice (at her age, no wine), and a new, large-print Haggadah I had found online.

Finally, I set out three pieces of matzah on an acrylic serving tray that one of Mom’s granddaughters had made (Mom saved it for Pesach), put on

my Shabbos uniform of a well-ironed white shirt and black pants, and sat at the other end of the table, answering Mom’s basic questions about the Seder traditions, pouring her cups of grape juice, serving her meals and making sure she did not feel alone.

Mom wore a long green print dress, and read from an old, juice-stained Maxwell House Haggadah she found preferable to the large-print one I had procured; she had used a Maxwell House version as long as she could remember. Besides, the large-print Haggadah contained paragraphs of commentary and explanations she found distracting from the plain text.

She read slowly, haltingly, some blessings in Hebrew, the rest in English; she recited every word, straining to see in the fading late-afternoon light.

We were serenaded by the quacking of ducks on the man-made lake outside the window.

Three hours later, at the proper time, I sat down at my place at the table, a Lubavitch Haggadah with the expected learned commentaries at plate-side. My kind of Haggadah. Mom was in bed by then. My meal was some cold chicken and kugel from a local shul.

No one hid or found the afikomen.

I was the sole participant. L’Shanah Haba’ah in a world without Covid.

The second night, Mom’s blood pressure was high; she felt ill and tired. A few minutes of a Seder sufficed.

I missed my accustomed style of Seder—the table full of adults and children, the creative explanations of readings and rituals, the theatrics to engage the kids’ interest, the prizes and awards and photocopied sheets to be handed out.

On one hand, last year was very frustrating.

On the other hand, it was very fulfilling.

Despite Mom’s earlier Seder disinvitation, I got to spend another Pesach with her. This time, she did not object.

Steve Lipman is a frequent contributor to Jewish Action.

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Heart.Works

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Flexible, No Fee Ticket Changes • Non-Stop Flights Incredible Prices • All New, 787 Dreamliner Planes

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Valid for flights on selected dates • Subject to availability of required booking classes • Entry into Israel is subject to compliance with the requirements of the State of Israel, which may vary from time to time • Change of flight ticket can be made up to 6 hours before departure • EL AL reserves the right to make changes • Subject to the full terms and conditions on the EL AL website