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CREATE A JEWISH HOME

HELPING PARENTS

VOLUME ONE, NUMBER ELEVEN

AGES 3 1/2

T O

4 YEARS

Answering Your Child’s Questions About God

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to remember as you embark on this particular parenting challenge, though. First, you don’t need all the answers, but you owe your child honesty. Sometimes, an “I don’t know, but I can tell you what I think,” or “I don’t know but I will find out,” are the right answers. Other times turning the question back to the child and asking: “What do you think?” helps you understand what exactly he is asking and gives you a few more minutes to think about your

ommy, why are we Jewish?” The brown eyes turn up to yours as he waits for an answer. As you look down, you suddenly realize that you’ve entered that dreaded era: the era of questions you have to really think about to answer well. Questions about religion and God are irresistible to young children. God is a mystery deeply connected to very primal subjects, like why we’re here and what we’re doing on earth. Their questions can also stray into territory you’d rather not enter yourself, such as that popular stumper, “Why does God let bad things happen?” Expect that, sooner or later, your child will begin asking tough questions. Every child does. Jewish children, as members of a distinct group, have an additional set of tricky questions to ask. It’s not easy to explain the Holocaust, and, for a young child, a complete explanation isn’t necessarily a good idea. Children deserve an answer, though, whether their question is as fanciful as what God looks like or as complex as why Jews are different. There are two important points A PUBLICATION

answer. Different developmental stages require different answers to the same questions. Also, remember that ultimately, the answers you give matter less than the way you live your life. You can tell your child whatever you wish, but it is in how you act that she will truly understand how you feel about God. With those caveats, here are some of the most common questions children ask about God and religion, and some possible ways to respond. These answers are certainly more complete than your answer to a very young child might be, and for an older child, they might serve as the beginning of a discussion.

What is God? In the Jewish religion, God is the creator of the world. God is a spirit: that means you can’t see

(C O N T I N U E D O N P A G E 2)

WHAT’S INSIDE What Is the Torah? page 3 A Guide to Shabbat Dinner Conversation page 4 Making Torah Study Part of Shabbat page 5 Where to Find the Weekly Torah Portion page 6 Moses in the Bulrushes by Shari Lewis page 7

THE

ROBERT E. LOUP JEWISH COMMUNITY CENTER

For More Deep Thinking About God

Answering Your Child’s Questions About God

or some in-depth answers on these questions, there are two books specifically geared to Jewish families. One is Teaching Your Children About God: A Modern Jewish Approach, by David Wolpe. It offers a child-centered approach to discussing God, religion, and spirituality. The book was published in 1993 by Henry Holt and Company. You might also want to find a copy of When Your Jewish Child Asks Why: Answers for Tough Questions, by Kerry M. Olitzky, Steven M. Rosman, and David P. Kasakove. The book is a thought-provoking work: answers to questions are supplied by over 90 rabbis, child development experts, and religious educators from throughout the country. The book was published in 1993 by the KTAV Publishing House in Hoboken, New Jersey.

(CON T I N U E D F ROM P AGE 1) God, but God exists. Now, you may wonder how God can exist if you can’t see God. Think about love, or light, or sound waves. You can’t see or touch them, but you know they are there. God listens to our prayers and watches over us. And even though you can’t see God, God is everywhere.

believe the Torah was written by people inspired by God. Either way, the stories in the Torah tell us how to live and how to think about God. The stories teach us how to be part of a holy people ourselves. Also, think about this: of all the books in the world, this book has lasted the longest. That is because it has so much to teach us.

What is a Jew, and why am I one?

You are a Jew because your family is Jewish or has chosen to raise you as a Jew. Being Jewish is something that is passed down from parents to their children. To be a Jew means to be part of a people who has worshipped God as a group for thousands of years. Beyond that, though, we are Jewish because we choose to be Jewish. Jews believe in and live the teachings of Judaism: that we have entered into a covenant or partnership with God to live according to a set of rules that help us to be better people, that we should act with love and kindness toward each other, that we have a responsibility to make the world better, and that we should strive to be the best people we can be.

Did God write the Torah? There are many answers to this question. Some Jews believe God dictated the Torah to Moses. In their opinion, God speaks to the people through the Torah. Others 2 ▼

Why do some people not like Jews?

There have always been people who didn’t like other people simply because of who they are. Sometimes saying bad things about others makes people who don’t feel good about themselves feel better. What’s important is not to worry too much about it: what those people say is not worth thinking about. Instead, it is important to remember how unfair it is, and to make sure you don’t do the same thing to someone else. Think twice before you say something about people simply because of what they are, the color of their skin, or how much money they have.

Why does God let people do bad things to each other? God gives people free will— God allows them to make choices. Sometimes people make the wrong choices and do bad things to each other. There has to be bad for people to understand what good is. It can be hard if someone does something bad to you, though. How should you act? While we have the right and sometimes the necessity to defend ourselves, it is important to remember that it will not make anything better if you go beyond self-defense and do something bad back. It will only make the problem worse. Instead, by answering bad with good we make the world better.

What Is the Torah? It is a tree of life for those who grasp it and all who reach for it are blessed. Its ways are sweet and its paths are peace. Proverbs 3:18,17

arrived at Mount Sinai, led by Moses, Moses was called to the top of the mountain by God. Once there, he received the Ten Commandments and the Israelites entered into the covenant with God: the promise to be true to God. In exchange, God would make the Jews a separate, holy people. Moses wrote down all God had told him. Some Jews believe God dictated the Torah to Moses. To Orthodox Jews, the Torah is the absolute word of God. Others believe the Torah was written by people inspired by God. Some modern scholars have said the Torah may have come in part from ancient oral tradition. In addition to the Torah there is the Talmud, the amplification of the Five Books of Moses. The Talmud includes Rabbinic writings that span five centuries—the quintessential wisdom, laws, stories and ethical commands of the Jewish people. Put in final form in the year 500 C.E., the Talmud forms the basis for most of the Jewish law and custom we know today.

he Torah is the foundation of Judaism. Literally, it is the Five Books of Moses: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. The Bible stories you grew up with are all in here—Adam and Eve, the patriarchs and matriarchs, Moses in the Bulrushes, Noah and the Ark. Chronologically, the Torah begins with the creation of the world and ends with the death of Moses. The word Torah can also mean teaching. It has come to be associated with all of Jewish learning. Tanakh is an acronym for the three sections that make up the Hebrew Bible: Torah, Nevi’im (Prophets) from Joshua to Malachi, and Ketuvim (Writings) which has the lyrical works of the Psalms and Proverbs, and includes the stories of Ruth and Job and historical books such as I and II Chronicles.

The study of the Torah is considered one of the most important, if not the most important, activities of a Jew. Study of the Torah is the most common of Jewish rituals; it links Jews through time and space. According to the Talmud, the mitzvah of studying the Torah is the greatest of all mitzvot. The reasoning is that contained within the Torah is the knowledge of all other mitzvot. Torah learning leads to understanding and action. The Torah is divided into 54 sections. Each is known as the weekly parasha (portion) or sedra. When you go to a synagogue, you see the Torah scroll kept in the Aron Kodesh (Ark) at the front of the sanctuary. The Torah is written in Hebrew, and the week’s parasha is read and studied each week. The Torah is traditionally read in synagogues on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. The entire Torah is read from start to finish every year. According to tradition, the origins of the Torah begin in Egypt during the Exodus in approximately 1200 B.C.E. When the people

Anatomy of a Torah Scroll

Rimmonim: decorative crowns that fit over the wood rollers with small bells hanging from them, often in the shape of pomegranates.

Belt or gartl (Yiddish for belt) to hold the two rolls of the Torah together.

Torah mantle to protect and beautify it.

Breastplate, usually made of silver, a reminder of the breastplate worn by the High Priest in the Temple in Jerusalem.

Torah wood roller or aytz chayyim (tree of life).

Scroll is made of kosher parchment from a ritually clean animal (usually sheepskin). Writing must be done by hand in black ink with a quill. Torah pointer or yad (hand in Hebrew): often made in the shape of a hand with an outstretched index finger. Torah readers use the yad to point to the words of the Torah as they read them.

Crown, a symbol of kings and queens, for the holiest object in Jewish life. 3 ▼

Can Dinnertime Talk Make Kids Smarter?

C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E

Talk to Me A G U I D E T O S H A B B AT D I N N E R C O N V E R S AT I O N

here is some persuasive research that says so. Harvard researchers studied the conversations of 65 families over an eight year period. They found out that children who were exposed to interesting conversation at dinner scored higher on vocabulary and comprehension reading tests in elementary school. Family dinners, the researchers learned, introduced the most vocabulary-building words: the words that are heard less often in everyday exchanges, but that a student needs to know to do well. Another survey looked at National Merit Scholars for clues to their success. They found that the family’s wealth, status, and education, even the parents’ parenting skills, had no correlation to the children becoming National Merit Scholars. What did? The simple fact of a family sitting down and eating together as a family.

f your weekday dinner talk centers on football scores, or if you rarely have the chance to sit and have dinner together as a family, Friday Shabbat dinner is a wonderful opportunity to add a spiritual and intellectual dimension to your life by doing a simple thing: talking. Make it a time to share with each other what happened during the week in your lives or in the world. Then spend a few moments discussing the week’s Torah portion (for more on this, see page 6). Here are some other possible ways to structure this family conversation time. ➤ Go around the table one by one and weigh in on the best things that happened to you during the week. Everyone gets a chance to talk, and the question can be answered by anyone old enough to talk. Encourage your small children to share something they made that week, or when they get older, something they wrote. ➤ Catch up on what everyone has been doing. What is each person proudest of having accomplished? Talk about something your child did or said that made you proud. Too often our work and school lives are divorced from our everyday lives at home. Keeping abreast of 4 ▼

everyone’s daily triumphs and troubles is one way that a family remains united and caring about one another. ➤ Take turns choosing an issue to discuss. The issue can be serious, such as the future of Israel, or it can be simple, such as how the playground in the back yard should be redone. ➤ Hold a family meeting every week during Friday dinner. Use the time to discuss how things are going among family members, celebrate successes, or talk about upcoming plans. Because it is Shabbat, a time when you want to preserve a peaceful environment, focus the conversation on happy topics. One mother suggests you ask children what they want to let go of—a hurt or anger they experienced—to make Shabbat peaceful. Save the more difficult issues and concerns for another time during the week. ➤ Relate family stories. Children love to hear stories about what they did when they were younger, and they love hearing what your life was like when you were a child. If relatives are at the table, it’s a great time to record some oral history.

C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E

Making Torah Study Part of Shabbat

adult level, however. While children will not be able to understand everything you say, they will understand that what you are doing is important—and something you value. Help in starting Torah discussion is also available through many good books that offer insights and thoughts about each portion. You can use these reflections as the basis for your own words, or read them aloud to spark discussion. One possibility is Growth Through Torah, by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin, published by Aish HaTorah Publications in New York. Another is Torah Insights and Activities by Barbara Kadden and Sorel Goldberg Loeb, published by A.R.E. Publishing in Denver. Many Jews have no idea how to go about this study, though. How do you know which portion to read? How do you go about the discussion? On the next page is a quick Torah primer to help you plan a more meaningful Shabbat.

Three who eat together mindfully, attending to talk and taste and sharing words of Torah and Truth—it is as if they have dined with God, for God is Reality and Reality is ever-present. All we need do is attend. —Pirke Avot III:4; translation from Wisdom of the Jewish Sages by Rabbi Rami M. Shapiro

“And you shall teach it [the Torah] to your children, and you shall speak of it when you sit in your house, when you walk on the road, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:7)

MIDRASH

raditionally, Shabbat is a time to study Torah. Studying the Torah is a mitzvah or commandment, and the beginning of Shabbat, when the emphasis moves to more spiritual pursuits, is a perfect time to do it. Studying the Torah reinforces the highest values of Judaism. By focusing on this study, Jews come closer to the ideal world they strive for. At Shabbat dinner you can read a verse or two from the Torah portion of the week. Reading the entire Torah portion may be too daunting at first. For very young children, use a child’s version. Begin by reading a verse aloud and then asking for comments or questions. If you are more ambitious, you can read the entire Torah parasha (or weekly section) and discuss it. It’s a structured way to think about life, about religion, and about what is important. Those who have the time and interest can take the process one step further and do some thinking about the week’s parasha themselves. Often, the subject of the parasha is a subject that relates directly to life today. That can be a good starting point for debate. After reading the parasha, say a few words about what you think the meaning is, or how it relates to your lives or the world. Then open up the discussion. Often, children have some of the most startling and meaningful insights. At least part of the conversation should be on an

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hese are the things for which a person enjoys the fruits in this world and that continue to yield rewards in the world to come: honoring one’s father and one’s mother, practicing loving kindness, arriving early at the house of study in the morning and in the evening, welcoming guests, visiting the sick, bringing the bride to the wedding canopy, accompanying the dead to the grave, being thoughtful in prayer, bringing peace between human beings. And the study of Torah outweighs them all. (B. Talmud, Shabbat 127a)

Activity MAKING SHABBAT CANDLESTICKS What You Need:

Where to Find the Weekly Torah Portion

f you want to study the Torah at Shabbat dinner, first you need to find out what the week’s Torah portion (parasha) is. Jewish calendars have the parasha listed, or you can call any synagogue. Often, synagogues also publish a guide to talking about each week’s parasha, with questions that adults and children can discuss. There are vast resources on the Internet for both the parasha of the week and commentaries about it. Many Torah web sites will e-mail you the parasha on Monday of each week. There are also Torah discussion groups to which you can subscribe. The two biggest servers of Jewish-related mailing lists are Shamash and Virtual Jerusalem. A good place to start your search is www.shamash.org. They have “The Torahnet Page,” listing Torah study opportunities on the Internet and links to hundreds of commentaries. Once you know the parasha, you can look up the reading in any Tanakh or Hebrew Bible. There are many good English translations. A newer one to try is The Schocken Bible translated by Everett Fox, published by Schocken in 1995. In Hebrew the Five Books of Moses are also called the Chumash (five). In most synagogues you will find a chumash together with a prayerbook. A chumash has both the Hebrew and English translation of the portion for the week, and sometimes includes a variety of commentaries about it. A chumash also contains the Haftarah for each sedra. The Haftarah is readings from the Prophets (called Nevi’im) or Writings (Ketuvim) which are also done weekly. For a good summary of each parasha written especially for

young children, see The Shabbat Book written by Joyce Klein, published by Scopus Films in Israel, 1994. This illustrated book has a colorful page for each week of the Jewish calendar with the Torah portion and traditions and customs of the Sabbath.

• Styrofoam cup • Cardboard • Aluminum foil • Scissors • Candles • Glue

C E L E B R AT I N G S H A B B AT AT H O M E

What You Do:

1. Make a small hole in the bottom of the cup. A candle should fit snugly into it—try it to make sure. Cover the outside of the cup with foil. Push the foil in where the hole is.

2. Cut out six long cardboard triangles all the same size. Cover them with foil. Glue them onto the cup around the hole to form a star. Let it dry overnight.

3. Cover the bottom of a candle with foil and place it into the hole.

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A Note to the Timid

any people are unsure about starting to study Torah, because they have little or no background: they’re not rabbis, they don’t speak Hebrew. Do you find yourself saying, “I’m not a rabbi or an expert on Jewish things, so what business do I have discussing Torah?” This argument sounds convincing, but is based on a deep misunderstanding of Torah. The Torah is not an arcane field of esoteric knowledge. It is the stories, the memories, the imaginings of the Jewish people. Any Jew has as much right to discuss the Torah as any person has to discuss her own family history or personal experiences. As with our own memories, there are no “wrong” answers, only answers that are more or less meaningful. So take a deep breath and jump in. You’ll find it can be a moving and thought-provoking experience.

One-Minute Bible Stories from Shari Lewis

TIMELINE 3 1/2 TO 4 YEARS: WHAT YOUR CHILD DOES Social Development • May seem more insecure—a result of facing the outside world

• May be interested in the question “where did I come from?”

Moses in the Bulrushes

new Pharaoh came to rule Egypt who was afraid that the hardworking Hebrews would gain too much power and take over the kingdom. He made the Hebrews his slaves and treated them like animals, sending them into the fields to dig ditches and carry heavy loads. But the Hebrews were a determined people, and their family life was strong. Before long there were more of them than ever. “This isn’t working,” said Pharaoh. He ordered that every baby boy born to a Hebrew woman be killed. Now one mother kept her newborn son hidden until he was three months old. Then she had the boy’s sister, Miriam, set the baby afloat in a little cradle amongst the bulrushes at the edge of the Nile. When Pharaoh’s daughter came to bathe, she saw the tiny infant. “This must be one of the Hebrew babies,” she said. “I’ll hire a nursemaid to raise him.” The child’s sister, Miriam, was nearby, watching to make sure that her baby brother was safe. The Pharaoh’s daughter asked Miriam to care for the baby. Pharaoh’s daughter said, “I will call him Moses, and he will be raised in the palace as Pharaoh’s grandson.” And so he was.

• Is better able to understand the idea of a conscience and responsibility Intellectual Development

• Understands spatial concepts such as “on top of” and can follow directions • Has a better grasp of time

• Is beginning intuitively to use proper grammar Physical Development

• Will probably be jumping fairly well • May be able to throw a ball up to seven feet

• May be able to manage small tool such as scissors

WHAT YOU CAN DO Social Development

• Understand that if he is suddenly clingy, it’s a response to coping with the outside world

• Ask where she thinks babies come from; gear your response toward her level of understanding • Acknowledge and approve of a show of personal responsibility Intellectual Development • Give your child directions and allow her to give you directions • Explain concepts of time such as “after dinner” and “in a minute” • Use correct grammar: repeat sentences in which he has used incorrect grammar with the correct words Physical Development • Watch to make sure your child isn’t jumping off dangerous places • Play catch with your child, moving backward as her skill improves

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• Give opportunities for structured, supervised use of small tools (scissors, cookie cutters, etc.)

Resources FOR PARENTS

Books for parents…

Ra i si ng Chi ldr en to Ca r e: A J ewi sh Gui de to Chi ldr ea r i ng by Miriam Adahan. Jerusalem; New York: Feldheim, 1988. This parenting guide, in keeping with Torah principles, provides effective techniques for building self-esteem.

A Tree Full of Mitzvos by Dina Herman Rosenfeld. Brooklyn, NY: Merkos L’inyonei Chinuch, 1985. Charming story about a little tree who watches the family next door perform mitzvot and wonders what it too can do.

Books for children…

Computer software…

Light: The First Seven Days by Sarah Waldman. San Diego & New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1993. Brilliant illustrations enhance this simple re-telling of the story of Creation.

Alef to Tav. Torah Educational Software (TES). This CD-ROM for PC or Macintosh computer is a delightful ArtScroll publication by Yaffa Ganz teaching letter recognition, vowels, vocabulary and songs with interactive multimedia games.

Apples & HoneyTM is a publication of the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center, 350 South Dahlia Street, Denver, CO 80246. The purpose of Apples & Honey is to serve as an educational publication and outreach tool for expectant and new parents interested in learning about how to create a Jewish home.

When Children Ask About God by Harold S. Kushner. New York: Schocken Books, 1989. Offers parents sensible advice from a liberal perspective. This book is particularly useful when misfortune or loss shakes your faith.

God’s Paintbrush by Sandy Eisenberg Sasso. Woodstock, VT: Jewish Lights, 1992. In this vividly illustrated book, children are encouraged to imagine God through nature, through thoughts and deeds, and through themselves. Childlike speculation is followed by adult questions.

The Jews: One People by Barbara Bar-Nissim. New York: United Synagogue of America, 1989. Lively picture book with text depicting the diversity and unity of Jews throughout the world.

Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center 350 South Dahlia Street Denver, CO 80246

LOOK FOR OUR NEXT ISSUE FOR PARENTS OF 4 TO 4 1/2 YEAR OLD CHILDREN Featuring: • How to Choose a School: Jewish Options • The Power of Prayer • Blessings for Everyday Life with Children

Music…

Shirim al Galgalim (Songs on Wheels) by Debbie Friedman contains 12 original and fun holiday songs.

Lisa Farber Miller, Editor Sandra Widener, Managing Editor Hal Aqua, Design and Illustration Tamra L. Dollin, Judaic Consultant Bernice Tarlie, Bibliographer Dr. Jessica Pearson, Evaluation Consultant Risa Towbin Aqua, Calligraphy

Editorial Advisory Board Rabbi Daniel Goldberger, Dr. Ed Goldson, Rabbi David Nelson, Rabbi Raymond Zwerin

Individual subscriptions and bulk orders of newsletters are available by calling 303-3992660. There are 16 issues of Apples & Honey: prenatal issue; newborn to 3 months; 4–6 months; 7–9 months; 10–12 months; 12–18 months; 18–24 months; 2–2 1/2 years; 2 1/2–3 years; 3–3 1/2 years; 3 1/2–4 years; 4–4 1/2 years; 4 1/2–5 years; Fall Holidays (Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur and Sukkot); Spring Holidays (Purim and Passover); and Winter Holidays (Chanukah and Tu B’Shevat). Apples & Honey was made possible by funds granted by The Covenant Foundation. The statements made and the views expressed, however, are solely the responsibility of the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center. © Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center. No portion of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the Robert E. Loup Jewish Community Center.

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