Just Between Us | Fall 2024

Four Prayers for the Election

by Cindy Matson

DIG INTO GOD’S WORD WITH OTHERS

Doubt

Dealing with

by Lori Ann Wood

LETTING GO OF SHAME

DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?

A WIDOW’S JOURNEY THROUGH GRIEF

fall 2024 | F I N D M O R E A T J U S T B E T W E E N U S . O R G

DISCOVER THE JOY OF A COUR AGEOUS LIFE

A D ISCIPL E SHIP PATH WAY TO TR A NSFO RM ATI O N

1,464 BIBLE STUDIES. One on every page of Bible text.

USE THE INCLUDED 7 STEPS TO COUR AGE GUIDE TO EMBR ACE YOUR GOD - GIVEN DRE AMS.

Ever get stuck wondering how to study a Bible passage? The Courage For Life Study Bibles for Women has 1,464 Bible studies—that’s a Bible study on every page of Bible text. The inductive study method and profiles of courageous believers equip readers to apply Scripture to their lives. Access to the Filament Bible app lets you dive even deeper. Download the app and scan the page number to open a world of resources including over 25,000 additional study notes, hundreds of videos, and a full audio Bible!

WITH THIS COURAGE FOR LIFE STUDY BIBLE FOR WOMEN, YOU’LL ALSO ENJOY:

• Inductive 4-part Bible Study on each page of Bible text (that’s 1,464 Bible studies) • Wide margins designed for writing your own responses • Access to the Filament Bible app for deeper study including a full audio Bible read by women • 82 profiles of courageous believers

C O U R AG E F O R L I F E B I B L E S .C O M

welcome from the editor SHELLY ESSER Hello Friend!

What a privilege it is to walk with you in your life of faith through another season. As you open these pages we offer you an invitation—to be part of a community of women with outstretched hands, just waiting to come alongside you in your relationship with God. Imagine that every time you come to this magazine, we’re pulling up next to you on your couch to sit together in places where we can offer support, biblical hope, and encouragement for life’s complexities. So come sit on the couch with us this issue. You’re not on the outside here. Settle in. Arrange the pillows how you like them. Wrap a blanket over your shoulders, grab a hot drink—and plan to stay a while.

We can’t promise you that all the hard things in your life will go away, but we can promise you that you won’t walk through them alone. We believe God’s Spirit is on these pages just waiting to breathe life into the words from women like you to be a salve to your heart where it’s needed most.

We’re not going to dance around the hard things. Tears are welcome here. Raw emotions are welcome here.

You are welcome to come just as you are. This couch is waiting for you.

It’s our prayer that you will feel comfortable in this place, but more importantly, you will feel God’s presence—that you will find God’s grace and love and hope and peace here.

Come sit down on your couch with us and dig into this new issue we’ve prepared just for you. You’ll find help for those nagging faith doubts that you may not even want to say out loud in “Faithful Questioning” by Lori Ann Wood on page 12. A Barna Group study found that “two-thirds of adult Christians say they have deep faith questions,” so you are not alone.

“Four Prayers for Your Heart This Election” by Cindy Matson on page 14 will help you pray your way through this divisive and combative election year.

Let God prepare your heart as you come to Him and leave whatever the outcome will be in His hands.

And for those of you who need a gentle push to get into God’s Word this season, you’ll love Mary Carver’s article, “Bible Study with Others is Always Worth It” on page 34. Let the people in your life help you grow in the Word as you do it together. It will change your life and help keep you consistent. As you will see, there are so many benefits.

I hope you’re excited about coming to your couch with us and reading and watching all God has in store for you in this issue. You are loved, prayed for, and we care deeply about you. Praying God meets you in the deepest places of your heart.

Blessings,

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In this issue we continue with our word for the year— intentional. When I think of being intentional, I think of making my life count, of living life on purpose. We have a God who delights in partnering with us to carry out

His mission in our lives, families, and world. May each intentional thread woven throughout this issue challenge you to do just that!

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Contents

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on the cover

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Faithful Questioning

Doubt is an essential part of real, useful, lifelong faith.

by Lori Ann Wood

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Do You Want to Be Friends?

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Finding your people in a new community.

by Kasie Purvis

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Four Prayers for Your Heart This Election Finding hope and peace in our one true King.

by Cindy Matson

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Shame

Recognize and overcome one of the enemy’s greatest weapons.

by Dr. Michelle L. Bengtson

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34

One woman’s grief journey after the loss of her husband.

by Connie Gochenaur

You’ll get more out of God’s Word if you do it with others.

by Mary Carver

I Am a Voice of One Crying in the Wilderness

Bible Study with Others is Always Worth It

About Our Ministry: Just Between Us is a vibrant and expanding not-for-profit ministry that continues to transform the lives of women around the world. Our heart-focused and biblically-based content in the print magazine, on the website, in the weekly digital mini-magazine, on social media, and other products—all help women find hope and encouragement while growing their faith and deepening their love for Jesus.

Find Us in All Kinds of Ways:

T F I justbetweenus.org

6 7 Table Talk with Abby 8 Between Us 9 Happy Home

Outside Your Front Door

42 44 Living Well

45 Everyday Transformation 46 Between Friends

10 Transparent Moments 11 Encouraging WORDS 22 Prayer Prompts 32 Living Your Faith

General Manager Mary Perso

Renewals Manager & Software Support Rebecca Loesche

Assistant Editor Suzan Braun

Renewal Assistants Wayne + Sally Schlittenhart

Director Digital Media Mary Ann Prasser

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Encouragement Calendar

41 Intentional Journal

Advertising & Accounts Manager Sharon Vaught

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3 Welcome from the Editor

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Editor Shelly Esser

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in every issue

1 5 Minutes in the Word

Circulation Manager Suzan Braun

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Three life-giving ways to encourage those you love most.

by Robin Dance

36 38 Intentional Faith 39 Faith at Work

Founder/Executive Editor Jill Briscoe

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Lifting Up the Women in Your Life

row Your G Discipleship

CREDITS

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columns

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features

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CALENDAR

encouragement PROMPTS

... for using the missuagesa.zine in between

Every issue of Just Between Us is packed full of inspiration, encouragement, and Scripture, so we want to help you keep it going long after you’ve read the last article. Use this calendar over the next two months, filled with application prompts pulled from the current issue, to keep your soul filled up and to deepen your experience until your winter issue arrives!

september

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John 16:33 and the three truths on page 2 R8.ead Pick one of these truths and ask God to fill

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Trust God in a storm you are currently going through. Where do you need to see Jesus show up in your boat? Read the four takeaways on page 10.

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Read “I Am a Voice of One Crying in the Wilderness” on page 26. Write down God’s encouragement to you in this season of grief, and if not you, share with someone who is grieving, especially a recent widow.

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Determine where you are most struggling with prayer on page 38. Are you anxiously pacing or persistently praying? Pray about it.

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rab your girlfriends or family and go through the G Bible study on page 40. Who has been a “Terry”?

Send her a note of gratitude for her friendship.

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ombat the lies about your capabilities in the C workplace with God’s truth about you (pg. 39).

Read Eph. 2:10. How does this apply to your job?

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Pray the prayer on page 22. What “check-marks” are controlling your life? Ask the Lord to help you live a life with more balance.

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Plan to encourage your children more intentionally (pg. 44). Which of the two ways mentioned do you need to start praising your child?

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Assess your current friendship needs. Look at the practical tips on page 25 to find friends and be a friend.

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ork through the steps on judging others less on W page 45. Which step do you need to take to stop “labeling people?”

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eflect on how welcoming you are (pg. 46). Read R Rom 15:7. How might you take steps to welcome those who are different from yourself?

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hink about the quote by Chuck Swindoll on T page 36: I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding, practically speaking, than memorizing Scripture…no other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends. How can you build Scripture memory into your life?

Reflect on the questions on page 9 to see if you are “doing too much.” How can you push against the “cupcake spirit” to lean on the Holy Spirit?

Read through the quotes in encouragingWORDS on page 11. Which one stood out to you most? Put it on an index card where you can regularly read it.

Think about this: “Two-thirds of adult professing Christians say they have deep faith questions.”

Read the article, “Faithful Questioning” on page 12 to help yourself or a friend work through your/ their doubts.

Pray the four prayers regularly for the upcoming November election on page 14. Ask God to guard your heart for whatever happens in November.

Encourage those you love most. Pick one of the three ways to encourage at least one person weekly (pg. 18).

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Plan to reread the article, “Shame” on page 20 several times. The next time shame comes knocking at the door of your heart, remind yourself that Christ died for your freedom.

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october

Reflect on how studying the Bible has changed your life. How can you be more intentional about studying God’s Word with others (pg. 34)?

Memorize a passage of Scripture you need in your life right now. Use the practical tips on page 36 to get you started.

your mind with it over the next month.

TABLE TALK WITH ABBY

Receiving Hospitality with Intention

M

y living room resembles a battlefield of dirty burp cloths among pillows and blankets that I have strewn across furniture during my middle-of-the-night feedings with John Maverick. My newborn has a sweet cry that can’t quite overpower the humming of the white noise machine. And the once organized schedule I’d envisioned has succumbed to hour-long cat naps that I earnestly anticipate.

Motherhood has quickly become uncharted territory. As a new mom, the concept of hospitality has taken on a whole new meaning. Gone are the days of elaborate dinner parties and spontaneous outings—at least for now. My world has shrunk to my couch, a small bassinet, and sometimes my shower.

This tiny human demands all my attention. The idea of showing hospitality to guests feels not only daunting but downright impossible.

Accepting Hospitality Early in this new journey, my friend, Jenn, knocked on my door with a smile and a Stanley cup filled with my favorite coffee. It was a moment of pure, unexpected grace.

She sat with me for what felt like an eternity intentionally listening and loving on my exhausted spirit.

Jenn’s kind gesture sparked a realization. Hospitality wasn’t just about hosting elaborate meals or opening my doors to all. It was about creating space, about making myself available, even when my availability felt inadequate.

Being Built Up This change in perspective, from giving to receiving, was a radical shift for me. After all, I was raised on stories of Abraham welcoming weary travelers under his tent (Gen. 18:1-8) and Peter’s mother showing hospitality to Jesus after He healed her (Luke 4:38-39).

But then 1 Thess. 5:11 popped into my mind: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” This verse offered me a gentle nudge. Hospitality wasn’t just about outward acts of service; it was also about allowing ourselves to be built up, to be recipients of God’s love flowing through others.

Suddenly, Jenn’s visit wasn’t just about the hot coffee; it was about the shared conversation that offered a much-needed escape from the monotony of feedings and diaper changes. I wasn’t alone in this motherhood journey.

Welcoming Blessings Motherhood has become a beautiful metaphor for the joys of hospitality that God calls us into.

It’s about offering and receiving, about vulnerability and connection. It’s about being open to the blessings that come in unexpected forms—a steaming mug of coffee, a listening ear, or simply the space to be messy and imperfect. It has allowed me to appreciate not only the gift itself, but also the generosity of the spirit behind it. It has fostered a deeper connection, reminding me that I was part of a community, even when motherhood felt a bit isolating.

So, the next time someone offers you a helping hand, a cup of coffee, or even just a listening ear, accept it with grace. Receiving hospitality allows you to embrace vulnerability, knowing that you are, in turn, creating space for someone else to experience God through the joy of giving. By the open door of receiving hospitality, we find not only solace but also a deeper connection to our community, and ultimately, to our Creator and His providence through it all.

Abby Turner Kuykendall is the author of The Living Table, a newlywed, a new mom, and works full-time as a food blogger, speaker, and writer.

Abby’s passion is to encourage women to stop wasting time waiting for the perfect family, house, or table and to start opening their homes and building community. Learn more about Abby and enjoy her recipes at atabletopaffair.com.

G facebook.com/atabletopaffair w pinterest.com/atabletopaffair e instagram.com/atabletopaffair

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God designed us to crave intentional community no matter our season of life. He knows our seasons will change and that the importance of hospitality is not in the size of the party you throw, the number of people you invite, or the tastiness of the food you serve. Hospitality is meant to display how God loves and welcomes us (Rom. 15:7). It is a joy to those who extend it, and to those who receive it.

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Abby Turner Kuykendall

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BETWEEN US

Does God Protect Me When Tragedy Strikes?

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n my head, I know God is my Protector. But sometimes my heart struggles to feel protected by God.

At some point in our lives, most of us have experienced some kind of tragedy, extreme heartbreak, rejection, abandonment, or discouragement where we thought life was going one way and then it was hijacked.

In these moments, it’s tempting to wonder, Has God just looked away? Maybe that’s where you are right now.

You’ve thought, God, where are You? You feel like you’re not seeing evidence of God doing something, so you secretly begin to believe that God is doing…nothing.

In John 16:33, Jesus says: I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. If you’ve endured deep hurt, you very much understand the “trouble” Jesus references here. But maybe like me, you struggle sometimes to believe the other words in this verse with your whole heart—that Jesus has overcome the world, that through Him we can experience peace even in the hardships we face.

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That’s why I want to provide three truths you can take hold of right now:

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1. When it feels like you can’t do anything, there is something you can do. You may feel completely powerless in your circumstances. While we can’t control what happens to us, that doesn’t leave us completely out of control.

We can recite Ps. 91:2 to our fearful hearts: I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Pause right where you are and say, “Lord, You are my refuge and fortress. I am placing my trust in You.” It may not seem like much at first, but by declaring this, you’re doing what can be done tonight. Your job is to be obedient to God; God’s job is everything else.

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Lysa TerKeurst 2. Just because you don’t see God’s intervention at this moment doesn’t mean that you won’t see it one day. Sometimes I think I have to see evidence of God working right now in order to believe He’s working at all. But, there are two realities. There’s the physical reality we see: the heartbreak, horrific circumstances, the person who is hurting us, the fear and anxiety we’re feeling. And then there’s a spiritual reality that is present where God is working. Simply put, what we see right now isn’t the entire story.

We do not serve a do-nothing God. God is always doing something, and that something is always pointed in the direction of ultimate good (Rom. 8:28). Rest assured that God is good, God is good to you, and God is good at being God. 3. Even if you feel uncertain, you don’t have to live in uncertainty about God. It’s important to acknowledge the feelings stirring inside of us. But remember that while feelings are great indicators, they should never be dictators of how we process life.

• We may feel afraid, but we don’t have to live afraid.

• We may feel angry, but we don’t have to live angry.

• We may feel skeptical, but we don’t have to live skeptical.

• We may feel uncertain, but we don’t have to live uncertain.

Whatever you’re dealing with, ask God to fill your mind with these truths. And remember: Jesus has overcome the world, and He will be your Protector in whatever you’re walking through right now.

Excerpted from Clear Mind, Peaceful Heart: 50 Devotions for Sleeping Well in a World Full of Worry by Lysa TerKeurst and Proverbs 31, Copyright © March 2024. Used by permission of Thomas Nelson.

LysaTerKeurst.com.

Reminding ourselves of this truth is something we can do even when it feels like nothing else can be done.

Lysa TerKeurst is president of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the #1 New York Times’ bestselling author of Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, and Uninvited. She writes from her gray farm table and lives with her family in North Carolina.

LysaTerKeurst.com Ö LysaTerKeurst G Lysa TerKeurst

HAPPY HOME

Mom, Are You Doing Too Much?

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ears ago, I promised to bring cupcakes to my child’s classroom. I was up late baking because I didn’t have any time earlier in the day to get it done. It made perfect sense to me. My husband, James, thought it was a ridiculous use of time.

“Why don’t you just buy cupcakes?” he asked as I fired up the oven well past 10 p.m.

“I planned to make cupcakes and that’s what I’m going to do!” I huffed.

Truth be told, I didn’t want to make those cupcakes; I just wanted to go to bed. I’m not a baker—maybe that’s why I had decided not to buy them. I was going to prove to myself and my husband and the world that I could do it!

This incident defined “the cupcake spirit” in our home. Whenever James thinks I’m doing something unnecessary or over-the-top, he bellows out, “cupcake spirit!”

I’m not saying it’s bad to bring cupcakes to the classroom. I’m just saying that sometimes we burden ourselves with things that are not that important. The cupcake spirit is about doing more than is necessary to our detriment.

Excessive Striving Psalm 127:2 warns against excessive striving (a.k.a. the cupcake spirit): “In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.”

God offers sleep for our striving and rest for our restlessness.

and problems to Him instead of staying up late worrying about cupcakes, bills, work problems, and relationships.

When I’m running ragged, existing on little sleep, I am not a happy camper. But if I get enough rest, I am much kinder and more reasonable to myself and others. Somehow, we’ve believed the lie that it’s nobler to do more and sleep less. Sometimes the cupcake spirit keeps us awake doing things that don’t have to be done.

In Matthew 6, Jesus is teaching the disciples how to pray. Right in the middle of the Lord’s Prayer, He says, “Give us today our daily bread” (verse 11). God is inviting us to pray for our needs—our daily bread, not our cupcakes! Let’s push against the cupcake spirit, lean on the Holy Spirit, and dim the lights early tonight for a good night’s sleep.

Are You Doing Too Much?

Is there an area in your life where you are doing too much? Are you: • Driving the kids to several activities instead of just picking a few activities?

• Doing laundry for kids who are old enough to do it themselves?

• Volunteering for something you don’t have the time for?

• Turning special occasions into exhausting productions?

•C atering to picky eaters instead of simplifying meals?

• Doing chores for your kids when they forget to do them or do them less than perfectly?

Teaching our children how to do more around the house isn’t a cop-out or lazy parenting. It helps our kids to grow up into responsible adults. Kids of all ages can pitch in to help make the family run smoothly. Everything isn’t up to you as a mom (even though it feels like that sometimes). The next time you feel that cupcake spirit rising up, remind yourself that store-bought treats might be just fine.

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker, host of the Happy Home podcast, and author of several books including: Screen Kids, Parents Rising, and 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene has been featured on the Today Show, Fox & Friends, Wall Street Journal, FamilyLife Today, and Focus on the Family. She lives in San Diego, Calif., with her husband, James, and their three children. arlenepellicane.com G facebook.com/ArlenePellicaneAuthor Ö twitter.com/ArlenePellicane e ArlenePellicane

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The preceding verses reveal the vanity of the cupcake spirit. Verse 1 says, “Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” I might work all night long, but unless God is in it, my efforts are futile.

Ultimately, it is God who provides everything we need. We don’t have to work relentlessly, early in the morning or late into the night to ensure our well-being. God gives us sleep. We can give our burdens

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Arlene Pellicane

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TRANSPARENT MOMENTS

Rising Above the Storm

I

often hear believers say, “Wherever God leads, I’ll go.” If we say that, shouldn’t we have an idea where God is going?

God taught me over the years to pay close attention to what He said before we set sail. Then, when we hit a challenge, it’s not an excuse to turn back.

A change in circumstances does not redefine God’s call.

Mark 4 tells the story of Jesus calming a storm on the Sea of Galilee. Here are four takeaway lessons from that story:

3. How we respond to the storm will influence those who are watching.

Mark 4:36 reads: “…There were also other boats with him.” Those other boats contained witnesses who were watching how the disciples were responding in a storm. I wonder who is watching your life.

What message are you sending to those watching your life about the God you serve especially in the storms?

The disciples blurted out, “Don’t You care that we’re going to die?” Have you ever said something similar to God like: “Don’t You care that I lost the leader of our organization?” “Don’t You care that I lost the only safe friend I had?” “Don’t You care that I lost another possibility for marriage?” “Don’t You care that my health is failing?” When we start accusing God with the words, “Don’t You care?” our words are often rooted in fear. The truth is we will only find peace when we trust that He does care even in the storm.

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other side.” It was in following Jesus that they ended up in a storm. When we are in a storm, it helps to remember how the journey began.

The Bible tells us that a regular stomping ground for Jesus was the Sea of Galilee, known for its sudden violent storms. If Jesus often went into locations where He faced sudden storms, then we should see storms as the norm and not the exception.

1. A storm often shows up when we are tired.

Mark 4:35-36 tells us that after many hours of teaching in the boat, when He was worn out, Jesus instructed His disciples to set sail to the other side of the lake. It was in this state of mind that God allowed a storm.

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Anita Carman

2. Remember how your journey began before the storm.

Often when we are in a storm, we ask ourselves, “How did I get here?” In the case of the disciples, they were not in a storm because of disobedience.

Jesus’ directive to them was, “Let us go over to the

4. When Jesus is in the boat, it’s safer to stay in the boat with Him. The disciples were wise enough to know that this force coming from the outside was bigger than their fear of staying in the boat. If you jump out of the boat, you may find yourself spending many years adrift not knowing where the shore is.

Jesus was in the boat the whole time, so in a storm, don’t miss the resource that is in your boat.

When you have a chance to save yourself, ask first where you are running to and who you are leaving behind. In our storms, let’s stay in the boat with Jesus, trust that He is powerful enough to save us, and decide it is better to be with Jesus than tossed about in the waves.

Anita Carman arrived in America at 17, after her mother’s tragic suicide. Today, she is a walking billboard of how God transformed her pain into passion to build Inspire Women, a nonprofit that unites thousands of women of all races and invests in their potential to change the world. She has an MBA from SUNY and an MABS from Dallas Theological Seminary. Anita has authored several books and lives in Houston, Tex., with her husband. She has two grown sons. Visit her at inspirewomen.org. (Anita Carman’s signature curriculum, being taught through Inspire Women’s Leadership Academy, offers an online option to teach women how to make decisions fitting for one who is the King’s daughter. To enroll, please email info@inspirewomen.org.)

encouraging WORDS

“Time is not refundable.

Use it with intention.”

LIVE Intentionally MADI PARKINSON

“Every action has an impact; choose wisely the impact you want to have.”

UNKNOWN

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say: I used everything you gave me.”

ERMA BOMBECK

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.”

ZIG ZIGLAR

JOHN C. MAXWELL

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“An unintentional life accepts everything and does nothing. An intentional life embraces only the things that will add to the mission of significance.”

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I

first heard God’s voice through the lips of my mother. And I don’t remember ever wondering if God was real during my growing-up years.

It wasn’t until adult-sized worries and tragedies visited that doubt and questions took hold and tried to rattle my faith. I was embarrassed to be asking basic faith questions as a longtime believer. I thought God would be mad or at least disappointed in me.

I didn’t talk about my uncertainties.

Until an unexpected diagnosis showed up on my permanent medical record. Then the questions wouldn’t stop.

Faithful

QUESTIONING

Your doubts are essential to a lifelong faith.

by Lori Ann Wood

Faith Doesn’t Look the Same on Everybody

If you’re a believing questioner, too, you’re not alone.

A Barna Group study found that two-thirds of adult Christians say they have had deep faith questions.

My mother believed with every fiber of her being that God was real, that He listened, and that He made a difference in her life. I married a man with the same spiritual DNA, but I’m a little bit different.

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I’m in that two-thirds. I know that when all this is over and I stand before God, part of me is going to think, “Well what do you know about that? It was all true.”

And I don’t think He loves me any less because of that. There are some like my mom and my husband who know that they know that they know, and some more like me—who think we know that we know.

That’s what faith is.

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Though I wanted to be someone whose belief never wavered, I’ve learned that faith doesn’t look the same on everybody every day, and it’s not supposed to.

Scripture carefully introduces us to all sorts of believers, some with questions (e.g. Peter, Thomas, Jonah, and, Sarah), and others who believed without them (e.g. Mary, Noah, Joseph, and Ruth).

Even David, a man after God’s own heart, questioned, particularly in Psalms:

How long, LORD, how long (Ps. 6:3)?

Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble (Ps. 10:1)?

How long will you look the other way (Ps. 13:1, NLT)?

Why have you abandoned me (Ps. 22:1, NLT)?

Why do you forget our affliction and oppression (Ps. 44:24, ESV)?

Solomon, the wisest man, had difficult conversations with God in Ecclesiastes. Faithful Job also questioned.

Who wouldn’t be in his shoes?

The Spirit was intent on providing a full picture of what faith is and who this God is that my mother first introduced to me.

Free Will is Necessary

I suspect most of us are a little bit believer, a little bit questioner. On different days, in different decades, we believe but we wonder; we trust but we question.

Turns out, we are designed this way. God gave us free will to solidify and validate faith in Him, and that includes questioning. If we didn’t have free will to choose Him, it wouldn’t be faith, and we wouldn’t be human. Ancient philosophers and writers have long known this. Dostoyevsky, one of the great novelists of world literature, said 150 years ago, “Christ came to save people, but not at the cost of their freedom, because then they would not be human at all.”

Real faith exists within the realm of uncertainty.

Where there is certainty, there is nothing to choose.

We just have to accept it—like geometry proofs and gravity. God has never offered proofs when it comes to belief. We are expected to live within the tension of faith and doubt.

A Tether to God

As I wrote my way out of the shock of my diagnosis, I learned that I had to ask the questions—not to unravel my faith but to hang onto it.

I learned that the opposite of faith is not doubt—it’s indifference. The opposite of engaging with your faith is walking away. That’s when faith begins to die.

My doubts kept my faith alive when it would have been so easy for it to fall apart. Those deep, persistent questions became my tether to God because they kept Him top of mind as I actively struggled to keep believing. The nagging questions made it difficult to ignore Him.

When we’re contending, we get the opportunity to choose Him again and again. We’re always looking for Him, for His touch, and His Spirit at work.

My mother was a farmer’s wife, practical and frugal, but she did have a few precious items on display in the house. My siblings and I eventually broke most of them throwing a frisbee or just being clumsy kids, but one vintage vase survived to see their estate sale. I snatched it up before buyers took it home. My first instinct was to secure it in bubble wrap and place it in storage for safe keeping.

That was what I first thought I should do with my handed-down faith, too. When my life didn’t seem to match the promises I expected, I wanted to protect my belief system by keeping it high on a shelf until my life came back together. But, with chronic illness, as with any ongoing problem, I ran the risk of never returning to my faith at all.

I’ve started to understand that doubt is an essential part of real, useful, lifelong faith. When life hits hard, God wants us to ask the questions that He already knows we’re wrestling with.

Mom never hid her treasures, including her faith, even when her life didn’t match her dreams. She survived financial downturns, dashed dreams, early deaths of family members, and multiple battles with cancer.

So, I followed Mom’s example. Once I decided to get my own fragile heirloom faith off the shelf, to engage with it, and actually put it to use, I learned something.

God doesn’t discourage questions. He knows expressing them can be our lifelong lifeline to Him. When I brought Mom’s heirloom vase into my own home, I discovered it had been broken—more than once—and yet Mom still kept it on the entry table, right where we threw the mail and car keys and school permission slips.

I loved that vase even more when I noticed the glue lines.

If Mom had carefully preserved and protected the vase, if she’d wrapped it securely and stored it in the basement, I wouldn’t remember it and want it.

It would have been sold in the estate sale without a second thought.

But because she used it in the difficulty and uncertainty of real life, it became valuable.

Just like faith.

Lori Ann Wood is an award-winning freelance author.

Her work has been published in several anthologies and numerous print and online venues, and her first book, Divine Detour: The Path You’d Never Choose Can Lead to the Faith You’ve Always Wanted, is available online at Amazon and loriannwood.com/books. Connect with her website, on Instagram, or on Facebook.

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I love how Frederick Buechner put it: “Doubt is the ants in the pants of faith.”

Heirloom Faith is Durable

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ART THIS

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Finding hope and peace in our one true King.

by Cindy Matson

I

t’s here again. How can four years go by so quickly? Didn’t we just live through a

contentious, rancorous presidential election cycle?

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Of course, we’ve been hearing about poll numbers

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for the 2024 election all year, but now we must ride out the roller coaster of the election itself.

I’m sure that, for some, election years bring great excitement and anticipation. Others find the primary campaigns, debates, and 24/7 news coverage exhausting and frustrating. But whether we’re interested in politics or not, this year—with all of its candidates and craziness—will bring with it a host of temptations.

As I consider the year ahead, I recognize the need to guard my heart against the enemy’s attacks. Will you join with me in preparing your heart for whatever might happen in the months leading up to the U.S. election on November 5th?

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“Lord, grant me love for those with whom I disagree.” Religion and politics—the two

most polarizing topics in all of human society.

This year we’re sure to interact with people from “the other side.” Their viewpoints on their favorite candidates will rub us the wrong way, get under our skin, put a rock in our shoe, and probably a dozen other clichés. We’ll bug our eyes in befuddlement at how they could so blindly follow a particular person or agenda. We’ll be tempted to argue our side and tally points to prove ourselves the winner. But will we love those who will check an entirely different set of boxes in November?

Father, I believe that I am right and that the candidate I support is the best person for the job. I confess that I am often tempted to think less of those who disagree with me. I want to cut them down, insult their intelligence, and denigrate their way of thinking. But that’s not love. You sent Your Son to die while I was still your enemy, raging against You at every turn. Yet, You pursued me in love. May I do the same for my friends, family, and neighbors on the other side of the aisle. Help me demonstrate kindness, humility, patience, and gentleness with them. Give me ears to hear their opinions and grace to lovingly respond with my own views. Help me to remember that a person’s eternal destination is not decided by what box they check on election day but by how they respond to Your Son. May His love pour out of me this election year regardless of the outcome of any vote. Give me love as steadfast and faithful as Yours.

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“Lord, keep my eyes on the one true King.” The gift of a vote, having a voice in

who rules over us, whether municipal, state, or national, is a gift whose worth can hardly be overstated. Our vote really does mean something (whether it feels like it or not). Because of this, we’re tempted to throw ourselves into unswerving support for the candidate of our choice, the person we think will fill the office perfectly. The temptation, though, is to forget that no matter who ultimately gets elected, we will always serve the same King.

Great God and Ruler of All,

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“Lord, You are my only hope.” Campaign

promises will flow freely over the next several months as candidates unpack their plans for the betterment of the nation, all but guaranteeing immediate and lasting change if voters will only give them a chance. These promises can lead our hearts astray, causing us to think that as long as the “right” person holds the office, we’ll finally be okay. We’re tempted to turn off the hazard lights and breathe easily once again. However, if the other person wins the vote, we hit the panic button and start calling for midnight prayer vigils because we’re surely doomed. These extreme reactions reveal a covert idol of our hearts: the idol of misplaced hope.

God of Hope, Forgive me for finding relief and hope in an election. My fickle heart loves to search for comfort in a person—a candidate or a political leader. I believe so fully and readily in their plans and promises that I forget that my only hope in life and death is Your Son. His righteous life, vicarious sacrifice, and bodily resurrection guarantee my future, not the outcome of a vote. Keep me from believing the enemy’s lie that everything will surely be okay if my favorite figure is elected and prevent me from falling into despair if that person fails to get the vote in November. My hope is anchored in the Savior, not in a candidate for public office. I’m grateful for the privilege to vote for our earthly leaders, but may I never equate that privilege with true hope. My brothers and sisters across the globe and throughout the ages who have never had nor dreamed of such a privilege have surely possessed no less hope than me.

In Christ alone my hope is found. May He be my light, strength, and song before, during, and after any election.

continued ›

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Kingdoms will rise and fall, but You always remain on the throne. Whenever Egypt, Assyria, Babylon, Persia, Greece, Rome, Britain, Russia, Nazi Germany, or some other world superpower has tried to take the spotlight, You have never once ceded an inch of Your power. Keep this truth in the front of my mind this year as poll

numbers ebb and flow, primary elections come and go, and the general election determines the future of America. May the allegiance of my heart only ever be given to You. While I support earthly candidates, fix my eyes upon the one true King. Your rule will not be up for a vote in November. Your sovereignty never seeks reelection. And You never worry about approval ratings in the polls. You are God. You are King.

You are in control. Cement these truths in my mind and settle them deep in my heart that they may quiet the fears that creep in.

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4

“Lord, give me wisdom.” Scripture tells

us that wisdom is more than merely good decision-making. Wisdom is about who we are as much as what we know and what we think. Jesus, the gentle, humble, kind, compassionate, merciful Friend of sinners, is wisdom personified.

If ever we need wisdom, it’s during an election year when foolishness, anger, pettiness, and vitriol permeate the air. As followers of Christ, we’re called to respond not with the bitter jealousy and selfish deceit of the world’s wisdom but with the wisdom from above (Jas. 3:13-18).

All-Wise Father, I need wisdom. Help me to navigate the minefield of this election year with responses that reflect my relationship with Christ. May my reactions be first of all pure: free from the filth of selfishness, self-righteousness, anger, jealousy, and fear. And may I respond peaceably, always striving as much as it is within my power to live

WHAT DO WE

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Burying my head in the sand seemed like an appealing option. When family members talked about politics, I’d nod blandly and change the subject. I’d avoid the news and the deluge of negativity and worldwide suffering that poured onto my screens and detach, become numb, and try to put it all out of my mind.

Studying politics overwhelmed my empathy, and I felt the need to just step away. But I realized that approach couldn’t last forever.

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This article is reprinted from biblestudynerd.com by Cindy Matson.

Used with permission.

Cindy Matson lives in the upper

Midwest with her husband, two kids, and big black dog. When she’s not writing, teaching English, or coaching basketball, she’s probably sipping coffee and reading a good book. You can read more of her musings about God’s Word at biblestudynerd.com.

P R AY WHEN WE’VE LOST HOPE?

mericans’ trust in our government has recently reached “historic lows,” according to a 2023 report by the Pew Research Center. Six in ten Americans express no confidence in our political system’s future. We dislike both parties, we dislike the candidates up for election, we dislike the divisiveness that seems baked into the system. Younger people are even less likely than older generations to see a point to voting at all. What do we do with all this distrust and hopelessness?

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at peace with all people, whether we agree on politics or not. Make me a peacemaker and ambassador for reconciliation. Give me gentle responses and keep me from unleashing all of my anger, frustration, and anxiety. May I respond with meekness this year when I’m pressed, just as Your Son did when He forgave His executioners. Please give me a heart of mercy and compassion for the lost, for those with whom I disagree, and for those who openly defy Your Word. Give me wisdom, Father, and give it liberally. I need it.

Years ago, I learned that JBU’s founder, Jill Briscoe, had her own approach to this feeling of being overwhelmed: she would take just one thing from the news to pray about throughout the day. Just one thing. Jill said, “Once around Jericho. You are allowed to wake up and march once around your problem, worrying about it as much as you like—once! Then you are forbidden to worry any more until the next day. Once around Jericho!” Taking that worry—that

anxiety about the future, that hopeless fear about what’s to come—and placing it in the hands of God takes the load off our shoulders. As she said in Faith Dancing, put it in His backpack!

Let’s take her advice together.

Jesus, You came down to Earth in the middle of all of our mess and division, and You know that conflict still plagues our world. You see the loss, the hopelessness, and the disdain that we too often hold for each other. Remind me that You are the source of hope.

Remind me that Your kingdom will come no matter who is in power, and give me the patience to live in the “already, not yet” of Your plan.

Please take this burden of worry or apathy away and give me the strength to give freely of Your love.

I take my fear, my numbness, and I release it into Your hands. Like a child giving their parent a grimy mess they’ve held too tightly, I release it to free up my grip for better treasures. Help me to seek justice, love mercy, recognize the least of these, and work alongside You to better the world around me instead of taking all its weight onto my shoulders.

Yours is the kingdom, Yours is the power, Yours is the glory. Forever and ever. Amen.

Danae Templeton has been an editorial assistant with

Just Between Us since 2019. She works as a freelance editor and writer and lives with her family in the beautiful Smoky Mountains of Western NC. Find more of her work and services at danaetempleton.com.

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Lifting

Up

the Women in Your Life

Three ways to encourage with your words.

by Robin Dance

T

he sign for an all-women’s gym near my home always catches my attention when I drive by: “Strong girls lift each other.”

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The words of that bright pink sign usually send my thoughts scampering down bunny trails (but hardly about anything related to fitness or personal training): What does it mean to be strong? Why should I, and how can I, lift up the women in my life?

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If you’re anything like me, you have a hard time brushing off harsh, thoughtless words from people you care about or forgetting a friend’s hurtful actions. And while you might have come to grasp that “hurt people hurt people,” it is painful to be left out, forgotten, or be on the receiving end of a verbal assault even if you know it comes from a place of insecurity, envy, or lack of consideration. Unkind and especially mean-spirited words or deeds may not draw blood, but they still cut deep. Even exchanges with strangers—an impatient server, a rude cashier, the less-than-helpful DMV clerk—can leave you frustrated or furious.

In this fractured and polarized world we find ourselves in, it’s helpful to remember the dog-eared sentiment attributed to Reverend John Watson: “Let us be kind to one another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle.” Those battles can range from personal offenses and cross words to crippled relationships, illness, financial hardship, or job insecurity. People are lugging around a ton of invisible baggage, and I’m convinced we can help lighten the load.

What if we approached every encounter with our families, friends, and neighbors as if we had the power to make it better?

What Jesus has done for us through His life, death, and resurrection makes it possible. The power of the Holy Spirit working in and through us transforms us to be like Christ. We’re different as a result, and we’re able to live out what is asked of us in 1 Thess. 5:11 to “encourage one another and build each other up.”

Encouragement is a secret power. Have you ever thought about that? It can mend a bruised heart, disarm hostility, and diffuse tension. Sometimes kindness is all a person needs to feel better. A kindhearted word of encouragement has the potential to brighten someone’s day.

When my daughter was younger, she and her friends would have a “power hour” where, one by one, they’d take turns affirming one another, speaking words of encouragement to counter all the junk and negativity that made its way into their teenage heads and hearts.

More recently, I was among a group of friends, and time was set aside to speak truth and encouragement over one another. No matter what we brought into that room, each of us left the space buoyed by the precious words poured into us. As we lifted each other up, we were building muscle and becoming stronger in ways that would carry us back into places that aren’t always so kind.

When we encourage one another, we reflect the heart of Jesus and honor God. Here are three of the most life-giving ways others have encouraged me, and what I try to do too:

1. Tell them how you see Jesus in them.

Reprinted from (in)courage published by Dayspring.

Used with permission.

Have you ever seen listening as encouragement?

It is. It’s not passive. Listening without offering remedy requires restraint. Allowing someone to pour out their heart and loving them without feeling the need to judge or fix them is one of the kindest, most unselfish things you can do.

3. Celebrate their joys and successes wholeheartedly.

Someone else’s gains don’t mean you’ve lost, but if we’re honest, sometimes it feels that way.

When people are wholeheartedly rooting for us, we know it, but we also know when people are half-heartedly for us, don’t we? By centering on the one who has reason to celebrate, we resist the temptation to focus on ourselves or believe lies of scarcity that simply aren’t true.

Women whose strength is in the Lord can empower others by encouraging them.

Robin Dance s a Life Plan Advisor

and author of For All Who Wander. She is passionate about serving those in life’s third act. Married to her college sweetheart, Robin is an empty-nesting mom of three and lives in Georgia. She writes to encourage, inspire, and point others to Jesus.

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I cannot overstate how powerful this is to hear. We receive a million negative messages a day—some are self-inflicted—and the positive affirmation of someone seeing Christ’s qualities in us make us want to be even more like Him.

2. Give them the freedom to share their struggles, pain, and insecurities without trying to fix what’s broken.

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Shame | I

’ve spent over three decades having the privilege of listening to patients share their deepest pain and darkest secrets that have held them captive in an unhealthy cycle of shame, fear, guilt, regret, dread, and isolation. At this point in my career, nothing surprises me anymore, but patients all too frequently share with trepidation, afraid I will be shocked by what they have experienced. Yet, I have great compassion knowing how tormented we become when secrets are kept in the dark. Once they are shared, they lose their power and healing can begin. That is what God longs for each of us. He has already forgiven everything we have ever or will ever do. Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty for all our sins past, present, or future.

Recognizing Shame

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Have you ever made a mistake and been so embarrassed by it that it made you feel humiliated, unacceptable, unworthy, unlovely, or even unlovable?

Or did it, perhaps, make you feel like a mistake? In this life, we all make decisions we live to regret, or we experience something at the hands of another that leaves us feeling less than others and ashamed of ourselves. For many of us, the voice of our inner critic is deafening, and it quickly demeans our value or worth because of the pain we carry around from what we’ve done or what has been done to us.

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I’ve talked with hundreds of individuals who have become convinced that their painful past disqualifies them either from God’s blessings and/or from being used by Him. That’s exactly what the enemy wants us to think! He wants to stop us quickly in our tracks and convince us that the wounds from what we’ve done or experienced take away our value, worth, and even purpose in life. Fortunately, the Bible is full of broken, messed up people who have made humiliating mistakes but have gone through a transformation and ended up being used by God in such mighty ways that we know about it thousands of years later.

Recognize and overcome one of the enemy’s greatest weapons.

by Dr. Michelle L. Bengtson

Shame looks like:

• Wearing a mask because we fear the rejection of others if they knew the “real” us.

• Being afraid of sharing our true opinions out of fear of being judged.

• Criticizing and/or rejecting others before they have the opportunity to criticize or reject us.

• Accepting the labels others give us rather than accepting what God declares to be true.

• Isolating ourselves and feeling like we have to go it alone.

• Living in guilt, regret, and/or remorse because of something we’ve done or said or haven’t done or haven’t said.

• Being unable or unwilling to extend the same mercy, grace, and forgiveness to ourselves that we would extend to others.

Where Shame Comes From

Sometimes we have the misfortune of hearing the dreaded words, “Shame on you!” Those words can pierce our hearts and prevent us from receiving the unconditional love and acceptance offered by the very One who declares we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14). That condemning voice never comes from our heavenly Father. Instead, He declares, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation (another word for shame) for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death” (Rom. 8:1-2).

The Weapon of Fear

The enemy is not very creative. Since the start of humanity, he has used fear as a weapon to tempt us into making decisions contrary to God’s Word, and then he punishes us through shame after we’ve taken his bait. In the Garden of Eden, the enemy twisted God’s words, tempted Eve to do as God had commanded them not to do, and then once Adam and Eve took the bait and sinned, they immediately became fearful and ashamed, causing them to hide from God. Shame is the precipitant of fear, and hiding and isolation are the consequences. That’s exactly what the enemy wants: he wants us to hide and isolate from others and from God, because then we are open prey to more of his arrows. If left unchecked, shame can lead to guilt and regret.

Rather than hiding from God, He offers us the key to refuting the shame arrows slung at us: “Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you” (Ps. 25:20). Rather than hiding in our fear and shame, isolating ourselves from the One who knows all things and still loves us, God desires that our refuge comes from the One who created us, knows our every thought and action, and yet despite our mistakes, welcomes us like the prodigal son coming home to his father in humility (Luke 15). If we will allow it, shame can lead to humility and humility to surrender. God can do His best work in a surrendered heart. When we surrender, we can live with shame off us!

Our New Identity

Shame causes us to readily adopt the labels of all that we are not: weak, unlovable, broken, rejected, abandoned, useless, worthless, sinful, and failing. In contrast, God so loves us, despite our messes and mistakes, that He continually sees us through the lens of all that we are: forever loved, whole, accepted, adopted, created for a purpose, worthy, forgiven, and victorious in Christ Jesus!

Shame tempts us to shrink back from our calling and our purpose, to live in our past mistakes and believe that life can be no better. Yet God declares, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it” (Is. 43:18-19)?

The next time shame comes knocking on your heart, tempting you to feel guilt, regret, and remorse, tempting you to isolate and withdraw, remind yourself that Christ died for your freedom, and that it is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4) so that we can live free from shame as the fully adored, accepted, forgiven, and loved child of God that we are!

“Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore, I have set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame” (Is. 50:7).

Dr. Michelle Bengtson is a board-certified clinical neu-

ropsychologist, host of the award-winning podcast Your Hope Filled Perspective, and the author of several award-winning books including Hope Prevails, Breaking Anxiety’s Grip, and The Hem of His Garment. Her passion is to share hope and encouragement with others. Her newest release is Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past is Not Wasted.

You can find her and her hope-filled resources at drmichelleb.com.

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God is not the author of the type of guilt which tempts us to isolate in fear and regret. Instead, the Holy Spirit is gentle in His conviction and correction for the sake of restoring our relationship with God. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” (1 John 4:18).

Overcoming Shame

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PRAYER PROMPTS

Check-Mark Living Dear Lord, My life has become crazy busy. I’m literally living by check marks—checking things off my daily to-do list. Skating through chores, job, friends, but not really “being there” because as I’m completing one obligation (oh Lord, when did family and friends become an obligation?)

I’m already moving toward the next thing on the list. This isn’t really living, is it? I’m so busy that I’m missing who and what I should really be busy with.

Who? First of all You, Lord. I want time with You to talk, meditate, praise, and just tell You what’s on my heart. I do love You.

My family. Oh God, I love them with all my heart. I want to show them that by spending good, quality time with them. Laughing.

Talking. Loving.

Friends who enrich my life so much. I want to be compassionate to their struggles and celebrate their joys.

What? Whatever You direct me to do.

Whatever You keep so obviously in front of me that I know it’s what You want me to put my energy toward.

Help me get these priorities straight so I can do away with the check marks controlling my life. Thank You for your patience with me and guidance for me.

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Reprinted from 100 Days of Prayer for Women by Carolyn Larsen, Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group, ©2023. Used by permission.

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“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

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DO YOU WANT TO BE

Friends?

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Finding your people in a new community.

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by Kasie Purvis

E

ver since I was young, I wanted to be friends with everyone I met. I was as social as they come with a thick Alabama Southern accent that was high pitched and easy to distinguish from a crowd. Some say they could hear me before they saw me.

I switched elementary schools when I was in fourth grade and was so excited to go to a new school and meet new people. I don’t remember being nervous or anxious; I just saw it as an opportunity to meet new faces. One day, I saw a girl in class who looked kind, so I walked up to her and said, “Hey, do you want to be friends?” She said, “Sure.” Before I knew it, we were friends and I became friends with her friends, just because I had the courage to ask.

Starting new friendships as adults can be a little trickier, especially if you move often. I’m from a military family, so as a military spouse, searching for friends is like speed-dating. The average time at a duty station is about three years, so as soon as the first box is unpacked, it’s time to find friends. There is a sense of pressure and an underlying burden to gather new friends to become like family. It’s a mission to find friends who will lift you up, attend your kids’ birthday parties, and share the new culture you are now embracing.

Your experience may not be exactly like mine, but I want to share some practical tips on how to say, “Do you want to be friends?” without necessarily being so forward. Here it goes…

Practical Tips for Finding Friendships

A friend told me her favorite podcaster was living in the same city as me, so I searched for her on all the socials and noticed she was speaking at an event for working moms just minutes away from my

Stand Out. Wear a funny shirt. Yep, that’s right. It shows people you have a fun personality. I joined a gym last year wearing a shirt that said, “Dry Shampoo and Mountain Dew,” and I got so many compliments on how funny my shirt was. A girl came up to me and said, “I really love your shirt,” and from there our conversation turned into getting to know each other and the “Do you want to be friends?” barrier was lowered. (Full disclosure here, I really do love Mountain Dew, and if I’m at the gym, you’d best believe there is some dry shampoo in that sweaty bun of mine.)

Be Hospitable. I know what you’re thinking, “If I’m trying to make a friend in person, how in the world am I going to find someone I’m comfortable inviting to my home?” Being hospitable is not necessarily bringing someone into your home where the best homecooked meals are served. Honestly, it’s not even about your home at all. It’s about someone feeling welcomed in your presence. Showing hospitality isn’t a physical or visual expression; it’s actually an act of kindness. It’s an invitation to a stranger to have a warm, heart-connected conversation. It’s leaving a conversation feeling fulfilled and seen. That is true hospitality.

This year, I was looking to God to understand where He was leading me, so I began attending a Moms in Prayer group on Monday mornings. I asked that each of these women pray for me during this season of my life. After one of our meetings, the woman leading the group suggested that I take a spiritual gifts test.

She handed me the 80-question test and offered to pray over my results. I couldn’t wait to get home and discover what my spiritual gifts were. After I took the test, I immediately sent her a text with, “Hospitality is my top spiritual gift,” and her text back was, “Hospitality, 100%.” This made me smile because she has never entered my home—she has just entered into conversation with me, and it became evident that hospitality was important to me.

Hospitality and friendship collide when both people feel seen. Or maybe you hear a voice somewhere in the distance that sounds like Southern hospitality at its finest, someone you want to be around. It invites you in to ask, “Do you want to be friends?”

Kasie Purvis is a veteran, military

spouse, and host of Gather the Scattered podcast. Her mission is to help people transition into new communities and find their people along the way.

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Be intentional. To find friends, you need to look in the right places. Essentially, you must go where the people are. It sounds simple, but you have to be intentional. Look for the social groups that have the same interests or are in the same season of life.

When I moved from Alabama to North Carolina, I immediately sought out groups for working moms.

This group of women was important for me to find, because I was new to my community and needed support as a full-time working mom. I needed help knowing where the safest summer camps were, the best day cares, and the coziest farms to visit during Christmas time with drive-through lights, a hayride, and hot cocoa. I started searching online using keyword searches like, “Mom Groups,” “Working Mom Groups,” and “Events for Women.” It took some time to find something that would suit my specific needs, but this is where God came in.

house. I bought myself a ticket to the event and I’ve never regretted it. This is where I found Restored for Moms, an intentional faith-centered community for career-minded moms. I knew that at each monthly event I would feel supported by other moms, talk about Jesus, and be in a room full of moms looking for friendships just like me.

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I AM A VOICE OF ONE CRYING IN THE

Wilderness GRIEF COMES IN WAVES.

ȷustbetweenus fall 2024

by Connie Gochenaur

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I

thought I would write on the third anniversary of my husband’s death, but no words came. Nothing.

I just sat and stared at the ocean. Three years— how can it be? It seems like I lost him just yesterday, and yet each day has seemed 100 hours long.

As I prepared to go away on a short trip, I stacked books that I wanted to take along with me on my dining room table. I love books. I thought maybe if I could just read the right book—I could fix myself—but

as the pile of books grew taller than me, I decided that I had to purge. I couldn’t take another suitcase just for my books!

I sorted and set books aside. And sorted again.

Finally, I had ten books. I was satisfied with the mix of topics. It was still a lot to pack and tote around, but I was willing and able.

The funny thing was that about three days into my ocean stay, I realized all the books were saying the

. e s n e s o n s e k a m f e i r G .

“Grief is not linear of ups and downs.

Grief is full , s y a d th r i b , s e i r a s r e v i n n a y b d e r e gg i tr s i f e i Gr t ’ n o d t a th s g n i th r e th o memories, and so manmyakes sense to anyone. necessarily same thing…in one way or another. God whispered, “Connie, put the books away. Stop striving and rest in Me.” “But there is so much wisdom in all these books,” I said.

The Waves of Grief

I am back home now, beginning my fourth year as a widow. I am finally ready to share my words of wisdom. Are you ready? This is what I know: The third year was harder than the second year. I have no idea why. There have been good things this year: a couple of amazing trips, sweet times with grandchildren, and surprising speaking opportunities. The year has not been a disaster—that is not what I’m saying—it’s just been harder than I expected.

At the ocean on that day back in October, I wasn’t entirely sure I had heard God correctly, because

Crying Out

I sorted my bookshelves by color a few months ago.

The red ones go here; the blue ones go down there. I like it and it works for me, so I’ve kept it that way, but this grief can’t be “fixed” by convenient organization.

So, with only the Bible on my desk, I began in John 15 in the story of the vine and the branches, because it just made sense to start there with all those verses about abiding. But after only a few days in chapter 15, I decided that I needed to go back and start at the beginning of John, so I turned to the first chapter and began again.

On day three, in verse 23, tears came to my eyes as I read John’s words, “I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness…” I’ve read that verse so many

ȷustbetweenus fall 2024

Grief is not linear. Grief makes no sense. Grief is full of ups and downs. Grief is triggered by anniversaries, birthdays, memories, and so many other things that don’t necessarily make sense to anyone. Grief often comes in waves—like my ocean. Tidal waves.

maybe I didn’t want to listen and because books are good, right? God probably didn’t mean for me to set all the books aside. I mean I still read my Bible along with the other books. But one week after I got home from my trip, I had my first full-on panic attack.

God got my attention, so I’m listening now. “Let’s put these books back on the bookshelf for now. All of them. Stop the craziness. Stop the striving.”

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ll a t i h g u o r th t e g n a c I “...the only way walk as closely to is to cling to God and Him as I can.

times, but this time the words jumped off the page.

And yes, I know the verse is meant for the coming of Christ and I’m using it completely out of context, but God’s Word is alive and active. At this time, this is how He used it to speak to me.

I am the voice of one crying out in the wilderness.

Those words resonate with me. There are some days, still, when I am sitting in the middle of my very own wilderness, crying out, with my grief wound completely opened up again. The verse continues: “…making straight the way for the Lord.” But on my worst days, in my wilderness, I don’t know if I’m ‘making a way’ for anyone to find Jesus. On those days, I’m just sad and lonely—and the loneliness just about eats me alive.

Author and Bible teacher, Kristi McLelland says: When Americans enter a “wilderness” season, the first question we often ask is, “Where is the door, and how fast can I get out of here?” But in the Middle Eastern culture, when people enter a “wilderness” season, the questions they often ponder are, “The wilderness is a place God often brings his own. There are lessons to be learned.

What can I learn? And how can I take the wilderness with me when I leave?”

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Big difference of perspective, right?

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Grief cannot be rushed. As a Christian woman, I don’t feel guilty for grieving my husband, even though our culture pushes me away from my grief. They need me to find that silver lining, but mourning doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God’s promises. It just means that I miss my partner and I’m trying to find my way.

God and me, we’re doing just fine.

Embrace honesty with God. To be brutally honest, I haven’t always depended fully on God because I had

a good husband, and I depended on him. Shocking I know, but that’s what grief has done to me. I’ve had to speak the honest, brutal truth otherwise what’s the point? I’ve had to dig down deep into dark recesses and then deeper still to find the God who holds my heart. Being honest with Him has brought Him fully to me.

Good things still exist. I was blessed to be in a great marriage, and I am also blessed as a widow. I know that doesn’t make any sense. I don’t mean that I like being a widow, but I have a good life—even though the journey is hard. Even though I do not like being without my husband, God is good, and He is putting good things into my life. Three years isn’t very long after 50 years together. A lifetime. It’s still early in this journey.

Hold onto God. It’s all so hard and complicated, and it’s messy. I miss my husband. I want him to hold me and tell me it’s all going to be okay—and the only way I can get through it all is to cling to God and walk as closely to Him as I can. I can’t do it any other way, so I’m holding on.

The wilderness isn’t fun. The journey is incredibly hard, but I don’t want to waste the wilderness. The journey is too hard to not take the lessons with us.

This is all I know: I still grieve deeply, and I believe God grieves with me. We’re in this together. I’ve got my Book. God keeps showing up, every single day, so I’m going to keep walking. God is good. I can rest in Him, and I know that new blessings await—even when there are new waves of grief.

Connie Gochenaur’s writing has been featured in The Upper Room, The Perennial Gen, and Prodigal.

She is the women’s ministry leader at Maple City Chapel and an art facilitator for senior citizens. Connie recently became widowed after 46 years of being married to her high school sweetheart, and is the mother of four grown daughters and grandma to seven beautiful grandchildren. She lives in northern Ind., with her dog Ruby.

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Living

YOUR FAITH

Faithful in the Little Things

by Tracy Hill

I

t’s amazing what God can do when we are willing, available, and faithful in the little things. Although I grew up attending Sunday school, I joined my first Bible study when I was thirty years old—that was 25 years ago. Time flies when you’re having fun with like-minded women and studying the Word of God. Class after class, year after year, I kept showing up.

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Wednesday mornings continue to be a highlight of my week. It all began when I read a promotion for a brand-new women’s ministry starting at our church. I didn’t know anyone or have a clue as to what I could expect. I hadn’t imagined that the moment I stepped into the room tears would flow down my cheeks. The women met me with a warm welcome, and God’s presence ushered me in and washed me in love. The Lord confirmed I was right where He desired me to be. He wanted to deepen my understanding of who He is and who He says I am. Every book, chapter, and verse revealed His character, plan, and purpose for my life. No matter what book of the Bible or topical study I took, it always applied to my phase of life. Sitting under the instruction of godly women teachers and being in my Bible daily grew my faith exponentially and changed me from the inside out.

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After five years as a student, I was asked to lead a class of my own. All these years later, I have the privilege and great honor of still guiding women to draw closer to the Savior through time in His Word. Having experienced the life-changing power of Scripture for myself, it has become my passion to share it with others. God’s truth dramatically shifts our perspective, changes our hearts, redirects our minds, and impacts all our relationships. Through whatever we face, God’s Word perfectly applies. When put into action, our marriages become stronger; we become better role models for our children, teaching them to seek God for themselves; fractured friendships can be restored; broken hearts are mended; forgiveness and freedom are our newfound reality; and being a child of God becomes our realized identity. This is what I so ardently want to share with other women.

Every class I teach personally helps me grow more like Jesus. While leading a class requires extra studying and preparation, I know that I am accountable to God, merely His vessel and a steward of His Word.

I must handle it correctly and faithfully. Each week, I oversee a ministry of over 200 women—not because of anything I have done, but because God is working through me. And, it all starts by being willing, available, and faithful in the little things.

Tracy Hill leads a thriving women’s ministry at Calvary Community Church in Westlake Village, Calif. She has taught Bible

studies at Calvary for the past 20 years and at an addiction recovery ministry, Teen Challenge, since 2016. Over the years, she has written blogs and self-published four Bible studies and devotionals. Tracy and her husband have been married for 30 years and have two young adult sons. Visit her website at: beblessedandinspired.com, and her blog: BeBlessedandInspired/Christian blog.

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Laura Sandretti is an active speaker, author, and columnist for Just Between Us. Visit her at laurasandretti.com

All The Way Home: Liturgies and Legacies

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Bible Study with others is always worth it

You’ll get more out of it if you do it together!

e

by Mary Carver

arlier this year I signed up for a reading plan on my Bible app. It promised I could read the entire New Testament in just three months, and I decided that’s exactly what I needed: a challenging goal broken into doable steps.

Surely, I could follow this plan.

like to admit, days and weeks can get away from me—and before I know it, I’ve fallen into a slump where prayers are sporadic and actual time spent in Scripture is nonexistent.

I eagerly read the first few chapters of Matthew on the day I clicked “join” and felt so determined, so excited to see what I’d learn about God, and—let’s be honest—so pleased with myself and my certain success in reading and comprehending the Bible in a brand-new way.

Provides Accountability This is why I choose to join a small group or Bible study every chance I get. Without the accountability and guidance of a Bible study, I’m forced to seek out a plan for reading, and then I’m left to rely on my own discipline to follow the steps and carry out the plan. While I consider myself a mature believer and a responsible person in general, this is one area where I never succeed on my own.

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Fast-forward a week and a half; when I opened the app for the first time since and saw “10 missed days” jump out from my screen. Ten days. I’d only managed to follow the Bible-reading plan for a single day before forgetting about it for 10 days.

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I shouldn’t have been surprised. Life is busy, hard, and distracting. Between parenting and working and scrolling through Instagram for more time than I’d

Benefits of Being in a Bible Study

Helps Reach Goals Being part of a Bible study—whether leading or participating, reading a book or watching videos, meeting in person or online—has been a crucial part of my faith journey for decades now. When I’m active in a group, I’m motivated to dig deeper, to listen more

intently, and to stay open to hearing God’s voice in new ways. Being part of a Bible study group forces me (in the best way) to follow through on the goals I set for myself because there’s a schedule and the other members of the group lovingly and gracefully hold me accountable.

It can be hard, of course. Fitting an hour or two into a busy schedule, being vulnerable with people we may not know well, exercising rusty skills, and creating new habits for more frequent prayer, meditation, or reading are often required when joining a small group or Bible study. But when I’m willing to pay that price, the return is so much greater than when I’m trying to grow in my faith alone.

Because of this group, I am in the Word more often than I would be if I was left to my own devices (or even a Bible-reading plan on my device). I’ve been challenged to look at God and His Word differently and more deeply, and it’s truly made a difference in how I see God and my place in His plan. I think the same is true for the other women who join me on Monday nights.

It may not always be easy, comfortable, or convenient, but doing Bible study with others is always worth it.

Reprinted from Everyday Faith magazine, summer 2023.

Used with permission.

Mary Carver is a writer and speaker who lives for good books, spicy queso, and television marathons—but lives because of God’s grace. She writes about giving up on perfect and finding truth in unexpected places at marycarver.com, and she is a contributing writer at (in)courage. Mary and her husband live in Kansas City, MO, with their two daughters.

ȷustbetweenus fall 2024

Aids in Deeper Understanding Several months ago, my church invited every member to join a small group to study the Gospel of Mark.

I’d gotten out of the habit of being in a small group, so even though I’m a longtime small group leader in my church, I was reluctant. But I signed up to lead a group and invited several friends. Over the next cou-

ple of months, we dug into Mark and learned more about the life of Jesus than I can ever remember (and certainly deeper and more than I would have done on my own).

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GROW YOUR DISCIPLESHIP

How to

Memorize Scripture

by Ann M. Cook We probably don’t realize it, but we memorize information all the time! Passwords, phone numbers, names, birthdates, and so much more. Why does Scripture memorization seem so daunting at times? It doesn’t have to be. Using a goal-directed approach along with practical tips can result in successful Scripture memorization for anyone.

Storing God’s Word in our hearts and minds—ready to be recalled—can be an enormous blessing.

Benefits of Scripture Memorization

Closer relationship with God. Thinking intently on God’s character and praising and thanking Him results in closer communion with Him. “I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word” (Ps. 119:16, ESV). “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads” (Deut. 11:18).

Personal growth and guidance. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim. 3:16-17). “Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path” (Ps. 119:105, NASB).

Victory over sin. “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Ps. 119:11).

Encouragement for others. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God” (Col. 3:16).

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Clear communication of the Gospel. “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.

But do this with gentleness and respect…” (1 Pet. 3: 15).

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“I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding than memorizing Scripture…no other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends!” — Chuck Swindoll

Ann M. Cook, MSN, RN is a retired

nurse and nursing instructor. She and her husband, Randy, enjoy three grown children, and seven delightful grandchildren. She lives in Okauchee, Wis.

5 Practical Tips 1. Decide on a goal. How frequently will you memorize Scripture (weekly, bimonthly, etc.) and how much Scripture will you plan to memorize (a few verses, a section of Scripture, a specific psalm, or a chapter of the Bible)? Then select a specific day and time that fits into your schedule to make it happen.

2. Choose a specific topic area or a passage. You’ll want to select one that you want to focus on, perhaps that speaks to circumstances in your life at the time. Read the paragraph before and after the verse(s) to get the context of the passage.

Write it down in a prayer journal or notebook.

3. Read the section multiple times and memorize the reference. Start by memorizing smaller sections of the passage or one sentence at a time. Add sections to be memorized each week.

Write the passage out on a notecard(s) as a quick reference guide that you can take with you wherever you go.

4. Review the part you memorized multiple times throughout the week. Use these verse(s) in your prayers along with meditating on them throughout the day.

5. Once memorized, record your goal as completed. You can keep track of your memory work in a journal or notebook. Then, choose another passage. Keep all of your notecards together for a reference and regularly review to see how much you’ve accomplished!

Scriptures to Get You Started

Comfort/Anxiety - Phil. 4:4-9; 1 Pet. 5:6-7; Matt. 6:25-27; Ps.23; Prov. 3:5-6 God’s Character - 1 Chron. 29:10-13; 1 John 4:16 True Love - 1 Cor. 13 Christian Living - Col. 3; Eph. 6:10-18; Gal. 5:19-25; Micah 6:8 Sharing the Gospel - Rom. 3:23; Rom. 6:33; Rom. 5:8; Rom. 10:9-10

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THE ACTION BIBLE EXPANDED EDITION

37

INTENTIONAL FAITH

Anxiously Pacing Versus Persistently Praying

by Jen Allee

I

have the sweetest miniature schnauzer named Lucky. He is old and struggles to hear, see, and walk. His back legs are so weak that he often does the splits on our smooth, hardwood floors. Watching him age in real time is painful.

Recently, Lucky started an odd behavior: he walks in circles. Round and round he goes for at least a minute before he finally collapses in a heap on the floor.

He wants to lie down. Every ten laps or so, his legs, shaking with fatigue, will slowly bend. But as soon as his tiny bottom touches the carpet, he pops back up and resumes the same circle.

One day I watched him lumber around his favorite, worn out spot on the rug. Internally, I begged him to give in and embrace the carpet’s invitation for a nap.

Why won’t he just lie down? My heart was aching for him when the Lord spoke quietly to my heart.

“That is what you look like.”

I quickly understood. I have been carrying a burden, round and round, for weeks. I, too, have moments where I stop and attempt to lie down but just as quickly I pop back up and resume the march…unable to rest. Lucky was a perfect picture of my own angst and worry.

I contemplated this image, comparing it to my situation. I am praying, but I am not resting. Instead, I am making laps, circling Him with different versions of the same prayer: Lord, change this, take it away, don’t let it happen, make it stop.

Don’t Give Up

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In Luke 18, Jesus tells the parable of the persistent widow. The story involves an unjust judge and a widow who repeatedly pleads her case to him. At first, he refuses her, but in the end, he grows weary and grants her request.

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I resonated with the widow. I, too, was repeatedly pleading my case and passionately crying out. But

with a deeper read, I realized I was also different from her. In verse one, Jesus explains that the parable is to show His disciples “that they should always pray and not give up.” The widow knew who could bring her justice, so she focused solely on him. Her confidence in the judge’s authority is what kept her coming back.

I realized I didn’t have the same confidence in God as the widow did in the unjust judge. I was coming to Him often, but not with confidence. Rather, I was coming with worry and leaving with worry. Round and round I was going.

Anxious pacing is different from persistent praying.

Anxiety wonders if God is able. Persistence knows He is able. One is fueled by fear, the other by confidence.

Both involve repetition, but only one ends in peace.

If I approach God, trusting in His power and abilities, then I can leave my request in His capable hands. I can be assured that He will hold it, fix it, change it, or transform it according to what is best.

I can rest if my confidence is in Him.

Let God Hold You

I have learned that old dogs pace because they’re anxious. So now, when Lucky starts his routine, I scoop him up and lay with him on the couch. At first, I have to firmly hold him, but soon he nestles down and melts into my arms. In those moments, I picture God doing the same with me. When I put my confidence in Him, I can rest because I know He is holding me.

➜ Be Intentional

Are you anxiously pacing or persistently

praying? Settle your fears with reminders of His power and past faithfulness. Then pray persistently!

Jen Allee is an author and speaker who believes a strong faith

is built one intentional step at a time. For encouragement in taking your next step, visit her at Living Intentionally at jenallee.com.

jenallee.com

FAITH AT WORK

I Am Who You Say I Am

by Danielle Thomas

A

t the time of this writing, I’m five months into a new job role. When I accepted this role, I knew it would be a change from what I had been doing previously, and I questioned if I would be able to do it. Although I’ve now settled into my team and position and am really enjoying it, I still struggle at times with feeling a sense of imposter syndrome. Am I qualified to be here? Do my coworkers and boss think I’m good enough? Am I living up to their expectations?

You Are Treasured

I think it’s fair to assume that most of us have felt some self-doubt or anxiety about whether we’re good enough or capable enough, especially at our jobs. It’s only human to look at ourselves and wonder how we can possibly measure up when others around us appear to be more successful, confident, or effortless at work. But as Christians, we don’t have to boost ourselves up by listing our accomplishments or rely on worldly affirmations to feel better. Instead, we have a heavenly Father who gives us deliberate and clear truths about who we are in Jesus Christ.

When we study His Word, we can build ourselves a faith-filled arsenal to combat Satan’s lies.

So, who does God say we are? Ephesians 2:10 says we are His “masterpiece” (NLT) or “handiwork,” “created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Before you even ended up in this job, God knew you would—and He created you for the very purpose of doing good works in order to honor Him. God says we are chosen, we are special because we are His—there are so many references to this in the Bible.

First Peter 2:9 tells us we are a “chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession.”

Why are we identified with these important, remarkable descriptions? So that we can “declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” We are also His beloved children.

God the Father loved us so much that He sent Jesus to die for us, so we can be made new in Him and adopted into God’s family. First John 3:1 declares joyfully, “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”

Anchor to Truth

When we feel insecure in our work or doubt our abilities and gifts, we have a choice. We can choose to absorb these lies about ourselves, or we can choose to hold fast to eternal promises and our worth that God has given us to anchor our souls in times just like these. There are so many more truths in the Bible where God defines us, and they offer us a strong, lasting framework for us to view ourselves.

I encourage you to seek these truths for yourself by spending time in the Word, and to pray for God to open your eyes to help you see yourself the way He sees you: capable, special, chosen, loved, a masterpiece created to do good works. The next time you feel like an imposter, when you begin to question whether you should be in your role, what others think of you, or if you’re good enough, take a moment to pause and remember how He sees you. You are exactly where you are supposed to be to reflect God’s love to those around you and to bring glory to Him.

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Danielle Thomas works in corporate communications for

a national telecoms company in the UK. She lives with her British husband, Caleb, and her Cavapoo puppy. She enjoys hiking, exploring the countryside, and learning UK history.

thethomases2020@gmail.com

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Friendship in Action

15

minutes in the

WORD

By Dorie Etrheim

Moving from snowy Wisconsin to sunny Palm Springs, California, stirred a whirlwind of emotions within me—a mix of excitement, fear, and loneliness. On that initial day at work, as I stood lost and overwhelmed in the break room, the weight of the transition hit me. Terry, a colleague I’d just met, stopped and noticed me. Her warm, compassionate smile cut through the fog of worry. She didn’t wait for me to express my struggles. She saw the burden etched on my face and took the initiative. From navigating daycare options to finding an apartment, her support and encouragement went beyond mere practicality. There was a powerful message—I was not alone. Terry reached out in friendship.

The Gospel of Mark has a powerful story of intentional friendship.

Read Mark 2:1-5. Note what the friends were willing to do to help someone in need.

Four friends, driven by a deep sense of compassion, didn’t just offer comforting words; they took decisive action. They brainstormed, collaborated, and cleared a path for their friend to reach Jesus.

Picture the friends carrying the man on a mat, the exhaustion growing with every step, the frustration mounting as the crowd blocked their path. Did doubt ever creep in? Did they all wholeheartedly agree? Can you imagine the mix of determination, hope, and perhaps a touch of fear?

Reread Mark 2:4. Notice the unwavering commitment as they refuse to let obstacles stand in their way.

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Imagine the moment’s intensity as the four friends huddled around a ragged hole in the roof, peering through the opening. Dirt and debris fell as they lowered their friend to Jesus’ feet.

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Digging through the roof wasn’t without a cost. There would have been disruptions, property damage, and even social disapproval. Yet, their unwavering determination and selfless sacrifice paint a vivid picture of true friends driven by a radical love to take action.

What did Jesus see in Mark 2:5?

He saw faith-filled friends.

True friendship is active and intentional, full of compassion and commitment, and often comes at a cost.

Digging Deeper In Mark 2:3-5, the four friends remind me of the “one another” passages in Scripture. This phrase comes from the Greek word allelon, meaning “mutually, reciprocally, or with each other.” There are over 40 occurrences of “one another” in the New Testament, not as mere advice but as a constant call to action.

What might it look like to intentionally practice this in your everyday life?

Write out the following “one anothers”: John 13:34-35 Galatians 6:2 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Encourage in Greek is parakaleo, meaning to come alongside, comfort, and strengthen.

Intentional friendships strengthen our bonds with one another and build a community of love, support, and encouragement that reflects the love of Christ to each other and the world.

For Your Journal Think about someone who could benefit from your support. What obstacles might prevent you from reaching out?

What proactive action can you take this week to cultivate a deeper, more intentional friendship?

Who has been your Terry? Send a note of gratitude for their friendship.

INTENTIONAL

J ournal

THIS MONTH, THE FIRST THING I’LL DO WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING IS:

SCRIPTURES THAT HIGHLIGHT GOD’S GOODNESS:

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

INTENTIONAL FAITH HABIT TRACKER:

YES NO

❍ ❍ ❍ ❍ ❍ ❍ ❍ ❍ ❍ ❍

THINK ABOUT THE GIFTS GOD HAS BLESSED YOU WITH. HOW COULD YOU USE THEM TO GLORIFY THE LORD AND BRING PEOPLE TO HIM?

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NOTES

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OUTSIDE YOUR FRONT DOOR

An Obedient Yes

by Ashley N. Thomas

O

ne of the most helpful things I have heard is, “When you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else.” As someone who has a hard time saying “no,” this statement caused me to pause and be more intentional about what I am choosing to say “yes” to.

Seasons of life come and go, and with each season comes a level of capacity. A capacity to lean in, show up, and be present in our people’s lives— whether that is little ones at home, elderly parents, friends—or yourself. Then translate capacity for grace, and ask yourself: “Do I have the grace to say yes to this right now?”

Saying Yes to the Right Things

It feels good to be the yes person. The person people can count on, look to, and trust to step into the missing gaps and show up where needed. As women, we like to be helpful. If you take it a step further, we enjoy being productive and wear it as a badge of honor—multitasking moves beyond a skill and becomes an art. Yet, it is one that comes with a toll. Too often when left unchecked it can breed bitterness, overscheduling, and exhaustion. So how do we know we are saying yes to the right things?

As I look back over my career, it becomes strikingly clear when I was operating inside of my own power and when I was operating on God’s grace. In the seasons when it was about me and my own agenda, I was tired, angry, disconnected from community, and always busy. In the seasons when I intentionally sought His will, I was at peace (even when things didn’t go as planned), content, and rooted in His love.

In His will, I wasn’t trying to prove anything; I was simply joining Him in the work He invited me into. I call this the obedient yes.

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Learning Obedience

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The word obedience too often gets a bad rap. We view it in terms of stringent rules, black and white, or

being directed on what to do. Yet, I have found the exact opposite to be true when it comes to our walk with the Lord.

Our Father, in His graciousness, gives us choices each day. And in this case, we are presented with several choices to say yes or no to something. We could seek Him or consult Him on what it is He has for us each day. We could ask what He wants us to say yes to, trusting and knowing He will be in that with us.

The Fruit of Obedience

When I know I am being faithful in obediently saying yes, I become: • Able to create sustainable rhythms.

• Still enough to rest in Him. • Quiet enough to hear His voice.

• Faithful to trust wholeheartedly in His sovereignty.

(In other words, I am not seeking to be in control.)

The fruit that obedience bears is love. Not fear, rejection, or failure…but perfect love.

You are Beloved

Most days I believe our obedient yes is no more complicated than remembering and choosing to believe that we are beloved. Loved people love better, loved people go where He would go—sit with, cry with, laugh with—and always point people back to the One who has chosen them.

As you step outside your front door, consider asking Him what He is asking you to say yes to today. It may be what you expected, or it may take you beyond your comfort zone—regardless, an obedient yes is one that rests in His sovereignty and grace.

Ashley N. Thomas is the executive director of Hope Street

ministry in Milwaukee, Wis. She enjoys teaching, writing, learning, and being present with broken people as each discovers the grace that allows us all to be known and loved. She is a wife, mom to a toddler, and has a fur baby.

fromsmashtoash.com

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LIVING WELL

Intentional Praise for Your Children

by Gail Goolsby

A

m I pretty, Daddy?”

“Are you happy that I got 100% on my spelling test, Mommy?”

When children raise their hopeful eyes and ask such questions to parents, I am reminded of my own youngest daughter saying to me as a middle-schooler: “I am not smart like Sarah and John.”

too.” Or “Keep trying new ideas and strategies. Tell them, “Don’t worry about failure. That’s a form of learning too.” Particularly say, “I love that you did not give up,” and “I am proud of your effort.”

As a parent and educator, I worried that she might not enjoy her God-given destiny with this woeful self-appraisal. My husband and I knew better than to compare our three children. What made her say this?

Her grades and test scores were fine, but the numbers were different than her older siblings. What should loving parents say to encourage their children?

Praise Value, Not Appearance

Praise Effort, Not Ability

Children raised with structure, warmth, encouragement, and a focus on others generally possess high self-esteem, enjoy life, and see value in others. They recognize there are people capable and less capable than them in all aspects of life, but they believe they are good enough to matter and have a place in their world.

Innate high intelligence tempts children to coast through tasks at an early age. They often whine, “I’m bored,” sending parents on a quest to find stimulation in school and sports to provide their children with inspiration. Arrogance, false pride, and selfish demands can result. These children sadly come to think of intelligence as a quantity with a limit, called a fixed mindset. When faced in later years with something unfamiliar or challenging, they may quit and think they can’t do it. They conclude they are not that smart.

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Studies over the past decades tell parents and educators that the best tactics to encourage children is to: focus on effort, problem-solving strategies, and perseverance. Teach children that the mind can be expanded through practice, challenging experiences, and determination not to quit. A growth mindset spotlights process rather than ability, and produces better student achievement, lifelong learning habits, and overall personal satisfaction.

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Better than “You are so smart,” tell your children that “You have done hard things before, you can do this

We want our children to develop self-confidence and be able to move through life’s challenges without panic that they are not measuring up. Besides encouraging a growth mindset about intelligence, we need to understand the difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism.

When we recognize our identity as children of God, we find that we are unique and special in His design.

God is writing a great story of our life.

King David wrote in Ps. 139:14, 16, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful; I know that full well…all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

We need to choose our words intentionally as we encourage children. Drop the “smart” and “pretty” labels. Let’s tell our kids the truth: that they are loved

by God and us. They are indeed valuable, capable, lovable, and need to take their place in the world.

Others are valuable, capable, lovable, and deserve a place in the world, too.

Gail Goolsby, MA, MEd, ACC is an author, speaker, ICF certified life coach, and career educator, including serving overseas as detailed in her book, Unveiled Truth: Lessons I Learned Leading the International School of Kabul. She is a mom, grandma, and lives in south central Kansas with her pastor-husband.

gailgoolsby.com

EVERYDAY TRANSFORMATION

All or Nothing?

by Laura Sandretti

I

n their book, Language in Thought and Action, S.I. and Alan Hayakawa introduce the term “two-valued orientation.” The idea explains that we often “tend to think in opposites, to feel that what is not good must be bad and that what is not bad must be good.” Two-valued orientation is our “…penchant to divide the world into two opposing forces…and deny the existence of any middle ground.”

Since reading about two valued-orientation, I have noticed how often I subconsciously label people as “good” or “bad” based on their words, clothes, or political sign in their yard. Unfortunately, becoming aware of this tendency hasn’t helped me do it less. So, I’ve been asking the Lord, “How do I stop dividing the world into two opposing forces? How do I love others when they believe and act so differently from me?”

I’ve noticed that being more intentional has helped me judge others less.

Ask for Help

The first thing that has helped me judge others less is to ask for help. Second Peter 1:3 says that God’s “divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life.” Romans 8:29 says God is conforming us into Christ’s likeness. If we struggle with a critical spirit, the Lord will help us if we ask. We don’t have to strive harder or shame ourselves when we fail; we must simply remember to ask for help from the One who empowers us in the first place (Eph. 3:16).

Pray for Your “Enemies”

The second thing that has helped me to be less divisive is to pray for those I deem “bad.” Recently, someone responded rudely when I was being kind to them. I immediately wanted to avoid this woman.

God in His love, however, prompted me to pray for her. Quite honestly, I didn’t want to, but when I did the Lord began replacing my feelings of angst and annoyance with compassion and empathy.

Shift Your Focus

The third way God has helped me is to love those I disagree with by shifting my focus. Martin Luther said, “When I was a monk, I tried ever so hard to live up to the strict rules of my order. I used to make a list of my sins, and I was always on the way to confession, and whatever penances were enjoined upon me I performed religiously. My conscience was always in a fever of doubt. The more I sought to help my poor stricken conscience the worse it got. The more I paid attention to the regulations the more I transgressed them.” Focusing on our sins rarely helps us stop sinning (Rom. 7:15-19). The good news is that Jesus died because all have sinned and fall short of His glory. As I shift my focus onto Christ’s forgiveness for my shortcomings instead of focusing on the shortcomings themselves, I begin to love others more instead of judging them.

Ask for Forgiveness

Lastly, the Spirit has helped me to stop dividing the world into two opposing forces. When I label others as good or bad, I’m acting like the older brother in the Prodigal Son narrative (Luke 15:11-32). When I forget that it is only because of my Father’s grace and unconditional love that anyone can be called “good,” I ask the Lord’s forgiveness on a daily basis. That helps me extend the same grace to others.

How do we stop labeling people as all good or all bad? By intentionally finding ways to remember that apart from Christ, even the best-behaved among us is not only bad, but lost and hopeless. Recalling Christ’s redemption despite our brokenness helps us give others grace that points them to the only One who is always and unquestionably good.

conference and retreat speaker. She is a former high school teacher who uses humor and real-life examples to challenge women to think more deeply about what they believe about God, the Bible, and themselves because of the cross of Christ. Laura has four adult children, and has been married for 30 years.

laurasandretti.com G facebook.com/laurasandrettiblog Ö twitter.com/laurasandrettiblog

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Laura Sandretti, MATS, is an author, faith coach, and active

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BETWEEN FRIENDS

All Are Welcome

R

by Shelly Esser

ecently, I attended a church that sang the old hymn “All Are Welcome.” As I scanned the crowd, I thought how alike everyone looked—and how there were still so many empty seats. Unsettled, I wondered how welcome a gay couple would be, or a woman scantily dressed covered in tattoos would feel. Or what about a dirty, smelly homeless man in tattered clothes—would he feel welcome? So many, including myself, would hurry past without knowing what to say. I can understand more fully now why Jesus was often missing in action from the religious settings of His day and hung out instead with the outcasts and marginalized.

Do we want our churches to look all shiny and clean only welcoming those most like us? Most of us would likely say no, but would our actions say otherwise?

The people that Jesus loves and died for are—like us—messy and struggling. And, if they aren’t welcomed in the church, where will they be? I am challenged by the way Jesus was always moved as He looked out into the crowds: “He had compassion on them, because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd” (Matt. 9:36, NLT).

How many confused and helpless people are running into the arms of other places far from God simply because the people of God have not welcomed them?

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I’ll never forget how my sister was treated in a Christian group while in college, and later in various churches. She didn’t “fit the mold.” She dressed a little differently and was wrestling through some doubts. Instead of welcoming her with all her questions, she was rejected. That was the beginning of the door closing for her with the church. Instead, a non-Christian group opened their arms wide and gladly welcomed her.

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The real test of Gospel love comes when those whom society—or the church—deems unfit are welcomed and seen through the eyes of a Savior who values every person. Beneath every hard exterior is a living soul shaped for eternity. How will they know how

much Christ loves them, unless they are first welcomed into our lives, our families, and our churches?

It’s so easy to sing the words “All Are Welcome” in our comfortable churches. But what would it look like if that really happened? We need to continually remind ourselves that the Lord does not look at the things we look at—the outward appearance—He looks at the heart (1 Sam. 16:7).

The word “welcome” comes from the Greek word dechomai which means “embrace,” or “to receive favorably.” God embraced each one of us into a relationship with Himself “while we were yet sinners” (Rom. 5:8). He looked past our sin, our outward appearances, stretched out His arms, and said: Welcome to my family and to the plan I have for you to have new life, to be set free, to live in a way that you could never imagine. Welcome just as you are!

The unwelcoming life is really a heart issue. Until we look honestly at our own prejudices and judgmental spirits, we’re never going to welcome people as Jesus has so beautifully modeled throughout the gospels.

Instead, we’ll continue pushing those Christ loves away and into the arms of others who will unconditionally welcome them.

We’re all looking for a place to belong. Could it be that we’re missing some of the greatest opportunities to love like Jesus by simply providing a place where all are truly welcome? Romans 15:7 says, “Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” Welcoming those different from ourselves should be what sets us apart as Christians. The important questions are: How welcoming am I? and Can I sing, “All Are Welcome” and truly mean it?

Shelly Esser has been the editor of Just Between Us for over

30 years. Additionally, she has been involved with leading and nurturing women in Christ since college. She and her husband have four adult daughters, two sons-in-law, a grandson, and live in Menomonee Falls, Wis.

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