ADDRESSING SKIN COLOR WITH CHILDREN TO PREVENT BIAS

Iremember one day we were at the grocery store when my child was of preschool age, and with their mouth slightly open, stared intently at something. My eyes followed my child’s gaze and I saw a very dark skinned man, skin that was a beautiful, smooth, ebony color. I calmly diverted my child’s attention to something else, paid, and as we got towards the car and were out of earshot from other people, I started to explain that everyone has a different skin color, and it’s so amazing that there are so many colors, more than the rainbow. We compared our own skin tones. I know my child was not used to seeing someone who had such dark skin, and rather than it being racist, I think they were surprised and curious. Children at that age are very impressionable, and are very observant of how the adults in their lives behave over various situations or towards other people. There are many teaching moments that occur in the growth of a child, and one way to address racism, I believe, is also to address and embrace skin color.

Racism is very complicated and continues to vex us. We have been dealing with this very issue for hundreds and hundreds of years. There are stories in the Bible that tell us about slaves and the mistreatment of people groups. There is no easy solution, but one way I have thought of thwarting racism as a parent is being in constant communication and dialogue with my children. I try to keep things as easy to understand, and as simple as possible, and age appropriate. Any time we are out and about, I make sure to address any questions about skin color. Once, while we were driving through a part of town, one of my children asked me, “Why are a lot of the homeless people black?” I explained that this was actually not true. Although on that particular day, we may have seen a lot more black people on the streets pushing around carts or in tents, I let them know that homelessness could happen to anyone of any color, at any time. All it took was for a grown up in a family to lose their job and not be able to pay the rent. I told them that every person has a story of how they ended up on the street, just like everyone in our family has a different story. Each one of my kids experienced something different every day, and my story was different from theirs.

Now that my children are older, there are many more outside influences, especially from the various media outlets as well as their peers. The discussions are more complex, and can be more challenging. The outcome is still the same - to see skin color as just that. A shade of color that houses a person inside, who has a personality, thoughts and ideas different and unique than another person. When one of my children entered high school, the comment they had was “It’s not diverse enough.” I was baffled, because the school is actually extremely diverse, and probably has fewer Caucasians than students with varying shades of brown/olive/yellow/ black students. My child then said, “There aren’t a lot of white kids.” The immediate question that came to my mind was “Is my child racist??” I reminded my child that the world is full of tons of skin colors, and that there might not be as many “white kids” as my child was used to in their former school, but the world inside and outside of the US held many different skin tones, and it does not matter because people should not be defined by the color of their skin.

Assumptions are made all the time, by all of us. Humans are all influenced by outside sources, and bombarded with media stories that may be skewed. It takes a lot of thought, self control and communication to quell our own inner fears and insecurities. We as parents have great influence, and a massive responsibility to impart as much unbiased information as possible to our children. We are all flawed, which is why we are in this quagmire and cannot seem to solve the issue of racism, but we can attempt to educate our own children to see that the world could be better with less hatred. As we remember Black History month and beyond, we need to continue to try to address racism head on, have meaningful conversations, and take steps in the right direction.

February 1-5