Written in loving memory of
my mother
.
i
my muse
Table of Contents…. Foreword by Dr. Jennie Bennett ………. Introduction by Erik Cork ……….………… 2 Cancer Breathes ………………………………. 3 Cancer Cures ……………………………………. 4 Cancer Proves ………………….………………. 5 Cancer Cleans ………………………………….. 6 Cancer Settles ……………….…………………. 7 Cancer Inspires ……………….……………….. 8 Cancer Teaches ……………………………….. 9 Margies Makeup & Milestones ……….. 10 Cancer Reminds ………………………………. 11 Cancer Whispers ……………………………… 12 Cancer Re-Organizers ………………………. 13 Cancer Catches Up …………………………... 14 Cancer Flirts …………………………………….. 15 Cancer Dreams ………………………………… 16 Cancer Diffuses ……………………………….. 17 Margies Mini Me Mirrors ………………… 18 Cancer Soothes ……………………………….. 19 Cancer Encourages ………………………….. 20 Cancer Morphs ……………………………… 21 Cancer Creeps ……………………………..… 21
Cancer Directs ……………………………..… 21 Cancer Lends ……………………………….… 21 Cancer Drives …………………………..….… 21 Margies Mood and Mindset …………… 21 Cancer Calms ……………………………….… 21 Cancer Correct ………………………….…… 21 Cancer Changes ……………………………… 21 Cancer Fantasizes …………………………… 21 Cancer Leads ……………………………..…… 21 Cancer Opens ……………………….………… 21 Cancer Thaws Out ………………………..… 21 Margie’s Melody & Music …..………..… 21 Cancer Knows …………………….………..… 21 Cancer Exposes ……………….……………… 21 Cancer Grows ………………….……………… 21 Cancer Exaggerates ………………………… 21 Cancer Continues …………………………… 21 Cancer Presents ……………………………… 21 Margies Manifesto and Musings …….. 22 Cancer Stalks …………………………………. 23 Cancer Frowns ………………………………. 24 Cancer Listens ……………………………….. 25
….Table of Contents Cancer Skirms ………………….……..…… 21 Cancer Researchers ………………..…… 21 Cancer Knocks ………………………..…… 21 Cancer Hums ………………………….…… 21 Margies Mistakes and Maybes .…… 21 Cancer Renounces ………………….…… 21 Cancer Wants ……………………………… 21 Cancer Sharts ……………………………… 21 Cancer Questions …………………..…… 21 Cancer Cringes ………………….………… 21 Cancer Breaks ………………….…….…… 21 Cancer Compels ……………….…….…… 21 Margies Ministry & Meaning ….…… 21 Cancer Twist …………………………..…… 21 Cancer Confirms …………………….…… 21 Cancer Helps ……………………….…...… 21 Cancer shows …………………...……….. 22 Cancer visualizes ……………..…………. 23 Cancer dreams ………………..…………. 24 Cancer boos …………………..…………… 25 Margies marvelous magic …….……. 26 Cancer shuns ………………………..……. 27
Cancer Fears …………………………….….… 21 Cancer Withholds …………………..……… 21 Cancer Regrets ………………………… …… 21 Cancer Comprehends ………………..…… 21 Cancer Persists…………………………..…… 21 Cancer Ranks …………………………….…… 21 Margies Milky Memos to Me …………. 22 Cancer Unites ………………………………… 21 Cancer Laughs ……………………………..… 21 Cancer Camouflages' ……………………… 21 Cancer Cries ………………………..…….…… 21 Cancer Imparts ………………………….…… 21 Cancer Points ……………………………...… 21 Cancer Heals ……………………………….… 21 Margies Maiden Voyage …….……….… 21 Cancer Kills ………………………………….… 21 Cancer Moonwalks ………….………….… 21 Cancer Quizzes …………………..……….… 21 Cancer Inhales ……………………...…….… 21 Cancer Tip Toes ……………………..……… 21 Cancer Conflicts …………………….…….… 21 Cancer Relinquishes …………………….… 21 Margies Maiden Voyage #2 …………… 21
Foreword By Dr. Jennie Bennet
I have been healed of breast cancer for more than 20 years. I AM a survivor of cancer. What I truly learned over these years is that cancer is no respecter of age, race, religion, or socioeconomic background. I also learned unforgiveness is the biggest robber of physical health, emotional well-being and spiritual wholeness. My lowest moment was the day Dr. Don Robey said the words, “You have breast cancer.” That low moment did not last long, but it will forever resonate in my mind. I began praying and trusting God for His promises in the Bible. Since then, I have had many smiles on my face when I know that people diagnosed with cancer come for help and are healed emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
A permanent smile is on my face because I know that Jesus is still in the healing business. A smile is on my face every time I am used by God as His vessel so others can see His glory and know more about who He is. I will always appreciate the blessings in my life. This includes my daughter, Melissa, my parents, other family members, my career, the opportunities to help others and most importantly my faith in God. Every cancer patient and each family member who supports them must always remember to have faith in the healing power of God. Also, if your spirit is not comfortable with the diagnosis and treatment options, always seek a second opinion. I first met Erik Cork when he was beginning his career at the University of Houston as a writer and edutainer. I am honored to write the introduction. Hopefully, his book will lift your spirits as he honors his mother and her struggle with cancer.
Introduction By Erik Cork
My father figure, Bishop R.L. Finney, Sr., allowed me to introduce a new, once-a-month caviat to our worship service. My mother called it “Smell Your Flowers Sabbath.” Too many people die without hearing all the surprising, wonderful words being spoken about them at their funeral. A deceased person cannot inhale a single rose pedal compliment at their home-going service. Each member’s name was typed on a strip of paper, then placed in an offering bucket. A random name was pulled out by the pastor. That person walked to the front, then sat and faced the congregation. A microphone & fresh flowers were there waiting for them.
Anyone in attendance who held that individual in high regard rushed to get in line so they could look that person directly into their eyes, then pour love into their ears while handing them a flower to inhale. People unsuccessfully tried to hold back sentimental tears. Priceless moments were shared while loved ones were alive to listen. It’s true that syrupy compliments don’t stick to silent caskets. Marriages were saved. Wives spoke glowingly to their husbands. Children cried as they lovingly gazed into their parents’ watery eyes. Families forgave one another and came back together. Dinner probably tasted better than ever that evening in miraculously healed households. The day my popular mom’s name was selected, people literally leaped from their seats as they ran to form a long line. Mom was the songwriter, lead musician, worship leader and choir director. Also, my mother faithfully sold candy after church to raise funds for flowers and cards she sent to sick & shut-in members, as well as to visitors.
When Mom’s body began to slowly shut down, her youngest daughter named Rhonda organized a classy Symphony of Praise luncheon in my backyard. We sang her original songs in her presence. People parked blocks away. My neighbors sat outside to listen as we shared stories and celebrated her life. When my frail mom stood up to direct the backyard choir one last time, no dry eyes were found under the big white tent filled with love. Another sister named Lisa settled in London after touring the world as a professional singer. Mom cherished their Paris photos together during their European excursion. Mom’s globetrotting daughter returned home for a special visit - just to spend time with her. I snapped a picture of the exact moment her beautiful British baby strolled in. When it was finally time for Lisa to depart for England, they hugged and kissed, then said goodbye to one another. Mom was confined to a recliner, so she told Lisa, “Hurry, so you won’t be late for your flight.” On the way to the front door, Lisa had a stunning epiphany.
Suddenly, my sister dropped her purse and sprinted back to Mom’s room to see her alive… one last time. That magical moment was captured in two of the priceless pic seen in this book. Time stood still for us all. We reflexively responded to the fact that this was, perhaps, the final time our mom would ever touch Lisa’s face, look her into her eyes and say the most melodic words my adventurous younger sister has ever heard our mother speak… “I Love You, Lisa.” My best friend and coast-to-coast traveling partner, Joseph Williams III, died of massive heart attack at age 50 while putting up dishes in his kitchen along with his wife. People with huge hearts do not deserve to suddenly discover their lives are near the doorstep of the next dimension. Joe was Mom’s favorite tenor - until I grew up. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, regardless of their young age, good health, economic status or intellectual capacity.
The rules of fairness do not apply when it comes to afflictions such as cancer, lupus, ALS (Lou Gehrig’s), multiple sclerosis, muscular dystrophy and a dreaded directory of other debilitating and degenerative diseases. Margie was my beautiful, jovial and multi-talented mentor. Immediately after she was diagnosed with cancer, the first thing she did was write. She continued to write. She never smoked a cigarette in 77 years of living. Mom never sipped one drop of alcohol during her final 40 years on earth. Yet, she never questioned her illness or angrily asked God, “Why have I been cursed with lung cancer?” The purpose of this book is to flip the script on the meanest, most menacing moments too many families are forced to face. To honor Mom’s 77 years of exuberant life, this book contains 11 chapters featuring seven unique cancer perspectives - creating a clever total of 77 caveats.
Empathetic words from someone who has walked woeful miles in the moccasins of other hurting humans are meant to serve as long distance hugs for those who find themselves traveling on a similar trail of tears. If my words resonate within readers and inspire entire families to rise to the occasion by giving their living loved ones multiple chances to smell their flowers, then my mission has been accomplished. My mother’s final days in the surreal surroundings of a hospice care facility were punctuated by a pale blue pamphlet that prepared people for death. It described the cryptic signs to watch for as one is about to make their transition into the land of eternal rest. I believed I could write another alternative to encourage families to engage in meaningful conversations. I hope you think THIS is it.
The Healing Power of
cancer
-Cancer BreathesCancer BREATHES new life into wobbly & no-so wonderful relationships as it whips up the soothing wind of healing words breezing & wishing to blow gently & tenderly, once again, above the surface of troubled waters of the past where forgiveness is often submerged beneath the sensitive skin of lingering scars disguised as superficial & shallow family interactions as hurting kinfolks struggle to cope with a loved one’s life and embrace ableness transitioning into timeless & terminal un-touchableness as cancer ironically BREATHES & breeds new opportunities to say, “I Love You.”
-Cancer CuresCancer CURES our hesitancy to create masterpieces of care & cathartic conversational collages while we still have time to accurately convey and portray what the most important priorities are in our overly preoccupied & busy lives, because cancer CURES our reluctance to ponder our own demise as we no longer pretend not to realize cancer’s deadly desire to take or incapacitate as it tries to speed up the sands of time while CURING the momentarily blind who cannot come to agreeable terms with - nor visualize the inevitability of mortality ominously staring us all into our eyes.
-Cancer ProvesCancer PROVES who our real friends are & always were all along based on who stays present in the moment when it is easier to
disappear due to the fear of discussing or dealing with disease and the uncomfortable dysfunctionality of walking in & out of a sick room where everyone sees the despair that hangs thick in the
air as cancer continues to PROVE which friends truly care & make their shoulders available to lean on after absent others PROVE not to be so reliable after all as cancer, once again, PROVES which friends are forever which we should & could always depend on.
-Cancer SettlesCancer SETTLES all disputes between our heart & our habits, especially if we become patients who pause to ponder the
repercussions for rebellious ingestions made in our youth that morphed into adult addictions and self-inflicted carcinogen carriages as cancer SETTLES all arguments made by parents and
wellness professionals who warned us & still warn us about having harmful routines that result in remorseful re-packaging of “What was I thinking?” type of questions & self-apologies for drag after drag that coerced the cancer cat out of the bag after the fact once the “cool factor” has left us and leaves us coughing uncontrollably.
-Cancer InspiresCancer INSPIRES honest epiphanies regarding our recent and distant past as we admit to what we smoked that wasn’t marijuana, weed, blunts or grass, but tobacco bridges we lit & burned as cancer INSPIRES lessons we learned that will prevent our pride from causing us to
choke, not coming through in the clutch to preserve important memories that mean so very much, so we become INSPIRED to transform youthful transmutations
into wise words for others & future generations in the midst of frustrating respiratory complications.
-Cancer CleansCancer CLEANS the windshields of fret & worry regarding self-obsessed sisters, bored brothers and crazy cousins having no filter as they casually & cavalierly chit-chat about sensitive subjects during their drive-by visits, because cancer CLEANS the slate (before it’s too late) of old grudges
no one can justify nor explain as people with little patience start to complain about what they think a care giver is not doing, knowing precisely just how to ruin & sabotage
precious moments by attempting to fix things in need of no repair, except for the climate of chaos that reckless negativity creates in the atmosphere.
-Cancer TeachesCancer TEACHES families how to tell time differently, not based on minutes, hours or days……but eye contact, caressing of hands and other intimate ways that inform us without a doubt what life & living it is mostly about as cancer TEACHES us how to cherish love, which is nature’s most powerful force – so if cancer runs its callous course
and we do not get well on our own, we are TAUGHT to savor sips of sunshine we are shown before cancer gets it way and TEACHES us to take in seeing & being in another
day.
-MARGIE’S MAKEUP & HER DNA -
Mom was born in 1932 during the Great Depression. She passed on some of her poverty-based tendencies as a result of her modest upbringing. To this day, leaving excess food on my plate feels like a major sin. To not drink each drop of water in my glass feels like a sacrilegious waste of liquid - because waste is forbidden by my mom’s way of thinking and her embedded DNA within me.
Mom was the youngest of 13 siblings from Indianapolis, Indiana. She played baseball just as fiercely as her movie star looking brothers. When her family went in the house, the entire neighborhood went home. They formed an amazing harmony singing group. Wilt Chamberlain once asked her out on date. She always denied accepting his invitation. She was a classmate of the legendary Oscar Robertson at Crispus Attucks High School. She attended Butler University before dropping out of school to get a job. Her intelligence was secondto-none. Learning was an effortless exercise to the creative genius called my mom.
Her dad was a strict Pentecostal deacon. Her mom did what most mom’s did during those days, working as a housekeeper for well-off families. They both died before I made it to kindergarten. I never knew my grandparents. Margie loved to read, sing and debate. She loved to compete. You name it…. baseball, bowling, badminton, bid whisk, Uno, jigsaw puzzles, trivia games, whatever. She grew up with two rules: no hitting in the face and no using the word “fool,” unless you wanted to start a fight. My mom was a foxy lady. She flaunted her assets to help my dad win golf matches by mastering provocative poses to intentionally distract his opponents. She and my pops were serious hustlers, until the day multiple eyewitnesses rushed up to tell her how they all watched an errant golf ball go straight through her head. Shortly thereafter, my mom gave her life to Christ. She viewed her fairway miracle as a sign from Heaven to re-evaluate her priorities.
-Cancer RemindsCancer REMINDS loved ones of what they wish they had the most that can’t be bought in the sundry shop downstairs, which is more time, and then some more time and just a little bit more time after that to fix, to manage and roll around in, then wallow wishfully in…because the end is not something anyone wants to spend time sulking around and hanging their heads down about while entertaining doubt that time will be kind because cancer quickly REMINDS everyone of the memorable movie line in the classic Shawshank Redemption as Red defined and summed up the essence of time as
“Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying.”
-Cancer WhispersCancer WHISPERS bad news calmly and stirs trained medical professionals to utter ominous words such as, “We have a slight concern” or “After we run more tests, we will share with you what we’ve learned,” as uneasy oncology specialists softly put their hands on your shoulder, then theatrically lower their tone like a low key, hushed, silently subdued & muffled audience member at a Yanni concert who must murmur & mumble, which is how cancer coolly WHISPERS, “It’s time to test your faith, for I have access to the marrow in your bones.”
-Cancer Re-OrganizesCancer RE-ORGANIZES our plans and rearranges our priorities as it reshuffles our schedules around x-ray machines and radiation appointments as sit-down hobbies become our
primary preoccupations while we wait for hours in sterile destinations that help to determine how oncologists prescribe our medicine - just as we must also regulate our attitude and
RE-ORGANIZE the order of what’s important in our lives as we decide how deep into the depths of depression we allow ourselves to sink into - for fear and despair tend to tempt for
the normal citizen, patient or parent to pray harder than ever, making promises to God because cancer just kind of makes us all “Go There.”
-Cancer FlirtsCancer FLIRTS with anyone alive with a pulse, for it is not choosey nor does it fuss about the sex or age of once robust bodies it seduces with sickness because cancer is attracted to
vulnerable victims with weakened immune systems as it FLIRTS with healthy cells, hoping they will lose their willpower to resist a creepy cancer stalker creeping around unprotected organs
that can be cajoled, enticed and wooed into becoming infected hosts deceived to believe that an unscrupulous trojan horse virus predator that FLIRTED with them won’t try to soon pour
it’s persuasive charms on them like the cruel Casanova that healthy cells should fear most.
-Cancer Catches UpCancer CATCHES UP to the overly anxious & the run down who risk their life walking the tightrope of tedious mental habits that kill, because statistically, stress & worry wreak more slow death than
cancer ever has or ever will, because the real ninja assassins that cancer CATCHES UP to are the sad, woe-is-me scenarios full of dread & pessimistic thoughts already running rampant inside
cynical & hypochondriac heads that see cancer in everything in the air & on the ground, especially when one fears new news of new tumors being found that life-saving surgeries were supposed to
have removed, resulting in new probes, new papers to sign and new authorizations to approve - which only finally CATCHES UP to what gloomy people like to say their expectations in life were
already used to.
-Cancer DreamsCancer DREAMS of being beautiful, but its ugly allure only appeals to slimy succubus-types like itself because cancer’s warped idea of attractiveness is to be a sorrowful nightmare for kept-awake
families due to its backwards, sadistic belief that loveliness in life is when undeserving souls are being strangled by its toxic tentacles or bent over & barely moving - proving that cancer DREAMS of a
world full of grieving parents, bald-headed children & nauseous patients while it proudly proclaims to the whole planet like the pain-inducing pervert it is, “I Have a DREAM,” meaning it is the king
of repugnant reprehensible Ness, revolting repulsiveness & abhorrent hideousness.
-Cancer DiffusesCancer DIFFUSES the frozen fires of unforgiveness that still cause icy stares, folded arms and stubborn tongues because when all is said & done, cancer DIFFUSES a hostile climate where those who
still care can finally, at least, try to understand where everything went wrong & sentimental reasons why everybody is still there because old grievances must die, or be discussed …breaking the ice with the intent to repair shattered trust, not to mention side-eye glances caused by unnecessary tension & awkward silence that cancer DIFFUSES, which helps to heal “it’s-all-about-me” conversational tones & tortured groans from loved ones who want to resume love & not wait - because cancer is a great excuse to, once again, communicate.
-MARGIE’S Mini Me Mirrors-
My mom had five strong-willed children. Each one of us inherited an important slice of Margie’s makeup. She was a clever inventor and a proud innovator. I inherited that wonderful ‘McIver Gene’ from her. I am a duct tape magician. I am driven. I am undeterred from my mission once I finally get rolling. I am mesmerized with harmonizing.
I love to build, but I live to write. She was my funny friend! I am my mother’s carbon copy son. My brother Gregory claimed Mom’s uncanny contentment to dwell for days in isolated solitude. He called himself the Space Cowboy when we were growing up. He took pride in being a loner like my mom also did sometimes. She loved company, but she knew how to show someone to the door when she was done.
Maintaining romantic relationships was not one of my mom’s many talents. Gregory and I did not have strong bonds with our fathers. When Mom moved forward, she seldom looked back.
My super intelligent mom kept her business to herself. Her oldest daughter, Victoria, is a vault of secrecy because she inherited the privacy gene. Mom’s facial expressions told you everything you needed to know, because her eyes could barely hold water. Honesty and brashness is not always a good mixture. It was not a prudent idea to put an ugly baby in Mom’s arms. Just keeping it 100! Now, you know my mom’s analytical, brainiac daughter Vickie! I’ve already mentioned Lisa’s other worldly musical skills. She also inherited Margie’s frugal side. Lisa can squeeze the copper off both sides of a penny. Mom was not a slave to current fashions. She and Lisa defined their own style. Margie’s babygirl, Rhonda, is one of the most resourceful people I have ever known. Mom and Rhonda epitomized the phrase, “Take what you have and make out of it what you want.” My mother was gifted at getting things done. Her youngest daughter possesses the same follow-through skills, which she uses to keep our Mom’s rich legacy alive.
-Cancer SoothesCancer SOOTHES the burning urge to pick emotional scars from previous hurts we have not yet learned to totally resist or leave alone because cancer SOOTHES constant penchants to keep bringing up ancient psychological wounds that pale in comparison to chemo treatments & the daily panorama of technicolor mental flashbacks showing us our life in review - facilitated by the fact that future foolishness will get dealt with & squashed because the SOOTHING we seek whenever we open our mouths to speak is mostly for the purpose of peace, patience & perseverance, and to
preserve the lasting bonds that are much bigger & better than the BS baggage in the bowels of our unremarkable remembrances.
-Cancer EncouragesCancer ENCOURAGES our hearts to crave therapeutic vibes, calm interactions and careful consideration for our current situation because life is too precious to waste by always throwing someone’s past in their face, which ignites empty emotions such as anger, animosity, hostility and hate because the pressure of fretting is
tedious, burdensome & worth forgetting & remembering to create vibrant memories & deliberate, kind acts because cancer ENCOURAGES us to recall the fact that sooner or later we will all
share a common fate of having two new first names in front of our old ones that will say “The Late” because activities that do not relax us tend to drain us of our energy and tax us like we are taking
a test, so it’s best to avoid folks who do not ENCOURAGE us, but tax our nerves like agents from the IRS.
-Cancer MorphsCancer MORPHS into a metaphor that means: to take away from the time it takes to take full advantage of serendipitous seconds
& unexpected events that come our way in the form of universal occasions that cleanse our souls from the foul stench of vain ignorance emanating from wasted opportunities we ignore each
day where we could’ve shown our appreciation for new pathways that lead to sudden smiles & surprise laughter as cancer masterfully MORPHS the most mindless moments into
self-preservation sarcasm against self-righteous, holier-thanthou, fake friends & other folks who putrefy potentially uplifting discussions with empty, shallow & belittling boasts of what they
would do if they were you.
-Cancer CreepsCancer CREEPS into our circulatory system as it learns to syncopate the beats within our bloodstream with a rhythm of
real urgency as cancer CREEPS up next to our calling in life to control the pace of our progress & the pulse of our purpose by putting our best plans on pause, then slowing us down to a
perilous crawl as we pursue all healing options put on the table because true fighters choose to carefully consider them all to halt and arrest the malignancy of a malicious killer that desires
to send cease & desist orders to our dignity - hoping we do death dances in the street like in the video Thriller, because when cancer CREEPS in, there is not a better sounding sign than
to finally, finally hear the word benign.
-Cancer DirectsCancer DIRECTS our thoughts toward more enjoyable things we wish to do in life like fishing, cooking, sewing or laughing, or
perhaps talking, building, baking or basking in the sun because debilitating diseases have a definite way of making us think those days are done, which is why cancer DIRECTS us into taking
pleasant tours & wild adventures within our mind, especially when we sense that what we are most running out of is time, which is why cancer DIRECTS us to the music & muses that make
us feel much better than being in bed against our will and why most of us often feel like a favorite song or a love letter can make water taste wetter due to our new mindset that seeks an altered
state, an escape or whatever.
-Cancer LendsCancer LENDS its filthy fingers to the fear that floats within us when it touches our lives by lurking around our health concerns, then sending evil messages to our souls, much like insensitive & cowardly atheist trolls who send spam & cyber threats to those who dare to testify of the love of Christ, which is a tactic that cancer uses when it LENDS itself to stalking & peace-of-mind abuses upon delicate lives hanging in the balance like an internet browser with ten opened tabs, but three are frozen and the user has no idea which one the music in their life is playing from as their fingertips or their thumb blast out text messages, e-mails & mass replies to those who click “like,” even if they are all lies while people who remain at peace prefer to post positive messages on FB or Twitter, because no matter who they are or pretend to be - cancer LENDS itself to the decision making process of those who post praise reports on IG or upload onehitter-quitter pics & vids on WorldStar if they no longer have to fight when cancer loses and they can finally enjoy a restful, techfree night.
-Cancer DrivesCancer DRIVES us into the arms of supportive siblings, praying parents, non-judgmental Jesus believers, husbands & wives & winning people who represent the walking wise who unselfishly serve as security blankets when we want to feel safe because they are the ones who tend to shield us from shallow subjects because their words & their hugs are dependable, soft places we lay our sorrows as cancer DRIVES us to cool peeps who are our personal pillows from the ravages of yesterday and our comforting pillars of strength who pray for better tomorrows because they are our brave buoys who keep us from sinking too low if we submerge ourselves in self-pity worries & doubt as cancer DRIVES us to being cognizant of the joy they pour into our lives because sisters & brothers will let you know what time it is and what their healing presence is really all about.
-MARGIE’S Moods & Mindsets
My mom’s mood was instantly brightened when she was instrumental in righting a wrong, or when an injustice had been been corrected. She always pulled for the underdog. She was a champion for those who were counted out. Things that made her cry revolved around the struggles and frustrations of being a single parent, and then, a retired parent with grown children who argued with one another using her living room or backyard as a battlefield where there were no winners, only burned bridges that had to be repaired or rebuilt after she died.
If choir members were talking while she was teaching, Mom’s mood and her face would turn sour. Certain members would act as peacemakers or as sacrificial lambs by falling on their vocal swords so my mom would not quit nor dismiss rehearsals early due to the lack of focus or cooperation. My mom was like Erykah Badu, because she was sensitive about her songs and the harmony parts she assigned.
My mother hated Fox News with a passion. She muted the TV when she channel-surfed to avoid accidentally hearing a single word that neo-conservative, Obama bashers might say. She considered herself to be a Christian more than she claimed to be a liberal Democrat, because she disagreed with them at times too. Margie was extremely politically minded and she had a world view. Local issues bored her. Mom’s two favorite subjects were outer space and Jesus’ soon return in the form of the rapture. Ask anybody. Before she passed away, Mom was becoming an avid conspiracy theorist. The mention of certain names would make her face scrunch up like she had eaten tart lemons.
Mostly, Margie was all Jesus, all the time. When Bishop Finney was preaching, my mom would sometimes compose music or poetry in her head. She would write poems on the spot, then walk to the pulpit podium to read them because the pastor trusted her poetic talents, and he knew she would not publicly contradict his teachings.
-Cancer CalmsCancer CALMS down our apprehensions & our curiosities as to who will be there to care, to cuddle and to caress our face, as well as who will be the one(s) who will help to CALM our uncertainties as they gracefully and consistently take us to that pristine place of reassurance where our hearts can remain unencumbered and free in a paradise of companionship & true tranquility because our fragile ability to relax & feel serenity while in the throes of pain & discomfort caused by cancer can be severely compromised & weakened when we feel that no-one is there to hold our hand during the week nor on the weekend to help us to medically strategize & understand what we are trying to come to terms & grips with, and in fact, realize - so cancer CALMS our questions as to who will be
present, because it could be a surprise.
-Cancer CorrectsCancer CORRECTS oncology specialists & practicing physicians who often disagree & don’t always share (nor concur with) each other’s professional positions on someone they each see sitting there in front of them who only knows they are sick - so they both offer them a slick, ten syllable word diagnosis with a sometimes condescending, contrary prognosis that
cancer will, sometimes, CORRECT by doing what it wants to do or what our faith tells it to do that goes against the grain of what has already been explained with varying viewpoints based on what a person’s personal proclivities or ill-advised activities might have been prior to meeting the lab coat wearing men & women with bedside manners that cancer CORRECTS by compelling their arrogance to improve because medical professionals are reluctant to further dampen a patient’s mood by adding
to their anxieties, so they sprinkle them with experienced guesses and pharmaceutical remedies.
-Cancer ChangesCancer CHANGES our debilitating dietary dependencies when our cafeteria confessions and restaurant recollections are replete with sugary sweet, double meat, fattening feast items from family retreats on kitchen menus filled with greasy goodies & deep fried food favorites famous for being featured as guilty pleasures for the ground-zero zombiefication of a super-sized society allergic to a health & wellness consciousness because it is considered to be culturally rude & disrespectful to debate with proud cooks like Big Momma, Aunt Bertha & PawPaw who see & saw nothing wrong with force feeding their families 1870 Civil War era entrees that most nutrition experts would never consume, as cancer CHANGES &
rearranges the eating habits that cause doom & less longevity.
-Cancer LeadsCancer LEADS the best listeners within a suffering patient’s inner circle to form strong support systems around the secret hopes & heart of their loved one as cancer LEADS those who are lounging at loves door as their key caregivers & first-class gatekeepers in lobbies leisurely cozying up on the most comfortable couches in waiting areas & private rooms near as possible to the dear one caught in the cruel clutches of cancer as sweet songs are sung, dirt is dished and resolutions are reasoned with that might / perhaps / maybe pause the pain as we chat about doing deals with God that would miraculously defeat the devastation of a disease that LEADS us to accept the inevitable possibility of an alternative existence, eventually for us all as we resolve to make our hospital or hospice stay as compassionate as possible until a doctor or nurse from Heaven makes the final call.
-Cancer OpensCancer OPENS up the door for important dialogue to be delved into concerning distant days gone by where sensitive subjects previously shunned & undisclosed are suddenly given the green light & the go-ahead to be revealed & gotten off our chest without fear nor regret because cancer OPENS up our convictions to find the courage required to express unspoken feelings & cathartic confessions that could liberate our soul from helpless cages of confinement & self-imprisonment that made us afraid & ashamed that we might fumble our words if we spoke frankly regarding quiet despair we learned to camouflage just to be kind by calling ourselves considerate to not be a burden, until cancer OPENS up the ultimate opportunity to cease from covering up silent tears of surreptitious torment we allowed no one else to see until cancer OPENS up a refreshing, but final, new window of transparency for our souls to fly away free.
-Cancer Thaws OutCancer THAWS OUT frozen issues & hibernating hurt that we hoped would heal on its own, but it harbored in our hearts for so long that our breathing became labored in the shadows of shame & hushed heroics as we became the martyrs who hovered above any family fray, staying distant & far away like high flying drones that felt safe & alone & immune to fake hugs & obligatory kisses from two-faced chameleons & crass cousins who take pleasure in having no filter by missing perfect cues to pass on pointing out pink elephants in someone else’s room, until cancer THAWS OUT iced over candor & our slow indecision to speak out on inappropriate behavior we previously excused with stealth-like precision in disingenuous maneuvers just to give our muted hypocrisy a smooth runway to land while we ran away from trying to understand how enablers make things worse and how we help to dig some holes even deeper by calling ourselves being the more mature, bigger person.
-MARGIE’S Melody & Her Music -
After I burned our house down in Indiana, Mom moved to Houston to be with her older sister, Bettye. At age 40, she taught herself how to play the piano, then became the church music director for the final 37 years of her life. She wrote over 100 hymns, anthems and gospel arrangements for various choirs. Many of the songs our church sang were original compositions written by my mom. As a founding charter member of Grace Church, she recorded a professional 8 track tape masterpiece of original music she wrote. She was absolutely one of the pillars of Grace. Mom was influenced by Andre Crouch, James Cleveland and Richard Smallwood. Her friends were Houston legends Carl Preacher and Shirley Joiner of the Southeast Inspirational Choir, featuring Yolanda Adams. She also mentored superstar V. Michael McKay when they worked together at Diagnostic Hospital. The harmony group Mom formed was called the Clefs. When I grew up, she allowed me to become a member once she felt I could hold my note.
Mom was famous for telling tone deaf choir members to “just clap, rock/sway & silently move your lips” if they were hopelessly out of tune. No singers (or non—singers) escaped her keen ear, nor were exempt from being called out. On Saturday mornings, we did our weekly cleaning Our home was filled with the symphonic sounds of Beethoven, Mozart, Rachmaninoff and Chopin. My mother’s favorite secular artists were Nancy Wilson, Barbara Streisand and Patti Austin. She asked to listen to the amazing music of the incomparable Rachelle Ferrell the day before she died. My dream was to watch my musically-drenched, lyrically saturated mother obliterate every challenger on the TV show, “Name That Tune.” I can still her saying, “I can name that tune in one note,” then watch her be 100% accurate. It was an astonishing sight to witness how she crushed every contestant week-after-week. Her brain was like an American music encyclopedia, because it seemed like she was to melodies what Google is to the internet.
-Cancer KnowsCancer KNOWS what gnaws in our gut and what dreams remain wedged within the invisible cracks of our existence, so much so that cancer KNOWS the more it spreads & grows. the more it exposes our excuses for not following through with our good intentions & our bright visions for the future because cancer KNOWS that if it can provoke us to pause or procrastinate or to not move on with a determined new focus on getting healthy, wealthy & wise, that we will leave our overdue to-do lists undone, unattended to & unmaterialized, but cancer KNOWS it can’t hold us 100% hostage if we still have work of encouragement to do & more life lessons to teach, because cancer KNOWS exactly how to reach inside of our worry to push whatever boredom buttons we have within to have us hemorrhaging in helplessness & meaningless mindsets, but we can still bet on ourselves to win.
-Cancer InstructsCancer INSTRUCTS us on how to listen to the language of faith because cancer hates that our final fate is not determined by how completely it takes away vital functions of our bodies, so by default, cancer INSTRUCTS us on what to say to an evil body-snatching agent & dream assassin, such as itself, looking to take out terminally ill targets - because we learn to kill cancer’s impact by speaking in the powerful lexicon of love & the sentimental syntax of affection that appeals to grace & mercy, and always seeks direction & guidance from a source that so many will never seek to comprehend, of course, because cancer INSTRUCTS people to trust more in a physician than on a victorious vocabulary that can eradicate & eliminate the lingering psychological effects of cancer in faithfocused achievers who will never be understood by God mockers & unbelievers.
-Cancer ExposesCancer EXPOSES the contradictions between who we are versus who we see ourselves being because cancer EXPOSES the best imaginary us that the man or woman looking in the mirror praying for us right now us wishes we could become once cancer EXPOSES that fact that our future us will make better health choices, if only that better version of ourselves can convince our here & now selves to apply the beneficial knowledge & information about cancer cells that seem to fall so easily from the sky on silver platters concerning our current health matters because cancer EXPOSES why our past personas would have never condoned (but not based upon how we once carried on) questionable behavior that brought on the ramifications & regrets of who we wished we could’ve met long ago: the we we’ve always to be.
-Cancer GrowsCancer GROWS grotesque branches that sprout brittle leaves & horrible hybrids of rotten fruit spliced together by sour slices of bitter truth that reveals we will never be ripe nor ready for cancer’s hideous harvest of bad news, nor has anyone ever preferred to be peeled to the core by predicaments they are not prepared for, nor plucked off of a family tree as the descendant with the premature destiny, nor do we desire to have our life carved into a series of calamities, then culled out from our peers & creatures of our same calling as the final curtain of not being certain about tomorrow, which means no sweet nectar should be expected to be extracted from our sorrow, nor any pleasurable derivative mined from the bitter medicine we don’t enjoy, yet cancer GROWS a gratefulness within us that the pesticide of pessimism cannot contaminate unspeakable joy.
-Cancer ExaggeratesCancer EXAGGERATES about its claim of being the epitome & essence of evil because it lies about its authority to eliminate all love & life from the planet - because not everyone who is forced to partake in its poison to bring peril to people & families who never asked it to appear lives in fear or dread, for they are light years ahead in terms of prevailing over cancer’s EXAGERRATED embellishments & astounding assertion that it is the embodiment of everything that can go wrong inside of a living being - because the worms within the cornucopia of cancer cannot rot the grapes of gratitude, nor the bananas of a bubbly attitude, nor the oranges of optimism in those filled with glee who have joy like a river that flows with supplements of strength & sincerity that nourishes like vitamins A thru Z as supreme substances & sources of everlasting energy.
-Cancer ContinuesCancer CONTINUES to try to relive old glories from pages of its past, because no matter what level of development or serious stages that cancer has in which families may find themselves facing, cancer CONTINUES to fail because it cannot dilute the carbohydrates of cheerfulness, nor the proteins of positivity when test results don’t go well, because tumor suspicions & fraudulent findings from expensive experiments try to make folks filled with faith feel like expendable, disposable, run-of-the mill, dime-a-dozen lab mice in the rat race that does not acknowledge a higher power, because cancer CONTINUES to have its hopes dashed, much like having huge stacks of untaxed, hidden cash in secret offshore accounts that represent one’s wealth, but being locked up in prison & getting punked by the most valuable asset on earth & the best hand anyone has ever been dealt, which is a relationship with Christ who sustains our peace & our spiritual health.
-Cancer PresentsCancer PRESENTS a challenge to our pain threshold & bullcrap
tolerance because it takes us to new depths of unanticipated, in dire need of being heavily sedated, criminally convicted type of physical torture saturated places where we would not have predicted our
weary bodies & our presence could encourage wandering souls who see our suffering, then see that their own sense of anguish at selfpity parties from petty matters have spun way of control and have them dwelling in unhappy spaces in time, nor would we ever have imagined that someone would see our smiling faces and say, “Never Mind,” then face their own fears, believing they can smile too as cancer PRESENTS the tracks & traces of our tears due to the nauseating hell that cancer enjoys putting everyone through.
-MARGIE’S Manifestos & Musings -
Immediately after being diagnosed with cancer, Mom went on a writing binge, cranking out back-to-back-to-back essays resembling a “Meaning of Life” manifesto set. She made copies, then passed them around to her closest friends and folks whom she believed might eventually get around to reading them. She had many loyal fans. Some of her titles included Religion vs. Salvation … Take Me Back … Journey To Truth … The Renewing Of The Mind … Wisdom: Turning Knowledge Into Truth … Faith Sees It and There Is A Secret Place. Obviously, her sense of mortality was staring her in the face, and she had something to say about it. Those are the ones she typed.
My mom seldom kept her thoughts to herself. She felt like you were entitled to her opinion, so she rarely withheld it. If it was a sensitive subject, she would clear the table and gently rub imaginary circles with the palm of her hand to help her navigate her walk across your delicate eggshells.
The next pages are excerpts of her final writings before cancer knocked the taste out of her mouth to continue to document her thoughts. Hopefully, she will approve of my interpretation of her musings that she was quite willing to share with others. Take Me Back was her shortest piece, written in poetry form. She began it with God walking with man in a place of perfection in the Garden of Eden. She ended it by explaining how truth is not found in how we feel – but in believing we have been redeemed & reclaimed, returned to the original, reconciled back into a divine relationship and restored to a path that leads to infinite intelligence and universal intuition. She wrote, “In reality, you are back if only you believe, because if not, you stay in a place beneath your own oneness where you will always be deceived.” I’ve read the compositions my mom wrote, and it is impossible to condense her papers to the limited lines of this short section. Here are some of her best quotes. Enjoy!
-MARGIE’ISM’s “Faith Sees What God Knows.” “Test your belief system, before it gets tested for you.” “When you find the key to love, you find the key to perfection.”
“My relaxation is in God’s eternal love for me.” “We may make a plan, but always know that it’s tentative.” “We cannot change what God has already seen.” “The striving to attain is wearing people out.” “We cannot accept and reject at the same time.” “The only thing we are supposed to believe in is God.”
“If prayer is communing with God, your only response should be, ‘Yes Lord.’” “Whatever stage of belief you are in, God is aware of your degree of sincerity.” “My prayer is that I accept what God already knows for each day.” “Forgiveness is a human act that leads to spiritual awakening. When Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them for they know not what they do’ - it was not just for those who were crucifying him, but also for us too.”
“Jesus did not come into this world to bring religion. It was already here.” “People don’t like to change because they don’t like to be challenged.” “If you believe everything was finished before the foundation of the world, then what is your hurry?” “Faults are growing pains. We must allow others to grow from them.” “You only receive what you believe, so believe that God knows best.”
-Cancer StalksCancer STALKS around the edges of our weakest moments looking to persuade gullible guardians of our thoughts that we should give up, so it seeks a firm foothold within our fragileness where it can imbed negative outlooks near & around the outskirts of our focus where sickness dwells, but miserably fails to explain to our brain how a ship called “Woe is Me” has sailed away from the cancer debris that
STALKS any & all talks of us feeling sorry for ourselves as willing captives trapped in the harbors of helplessness, singing pirate songs of pitifulness as the filthy & disgusting buccaneers of a bad day we all
have in some type of way wish to raid & invade our good days when we are feeling our best - because cancer STALKS for new opportunities to add to its booty by plaguing our peace by attacking
our flesh.
-Cancer FrownsCancer FROWNS furiously on miraculous moments when its shine is in a face-first, free-fall decline, and when every pain-free second is regarded as a blessing & each new day is a new refreshing & winning occasion to turn a wrong into a right - as the vindictive scowl of cancer’s FROWNS can’t be seen when others are shining their light, and when we dot the i in our indecisiveness & cross the t for our
trust in God’s plan because confusion is the perfect word to describe cancer’s cluelessness, because it will never understand how people can be at peace in the midst of its turmoil - like a deaf person who
dances, claps & waves their hands while swaying calmly to the melody of their own inner music while being surrounded by the fury of a heavy metal playing, cancer band.
-Cancer ListensCancer LISTENS when our sentences begin with the words, “The good thing about cancer is…” then it feels frustrated when we finish our statements with the words, “…is that it turns our attention to sweet thoughts we were moving too fast to focus on,” like a bucket-list of boldness we never knew we possessed & new reasons to smile after, yet, another test because the new goal we pursue is to turn to tell cancer “The joke is on you” then yell, “Surprise!” because we refused to succumb to its gloomy lies that we are done just because we have new definitions of what we consider to be fulfilling, delightful or fun because we refuse to give cancer power by complying with its menacing ways in which it tries to dampen our spirit & murder our mood with displays of its LISTENING skills when we ask, “What’s the point? Why bother? Why even try?” which is precisely the reason why cancer enviously eavesdrop when we sing happy songs to lift our countenance & our heads to the sky.
-Cancer SquirmsCancer SQUIRMS awkwardly when we refuse to infuse downcast looks into the psyche of sufferers who must confront trying circumstances & tricky scenarios by speaking words of strength into the fatigued spirits of family members who never knew how their togetherness would be the magic elixir that helps to push everyone through because the great thing a brave, battle-tested warrior can do is to inspire others to rise higher and to always be ready to - roll up their sleeves and not run, but fight together
through the moans & the groans & go through them as one, even if everyone stays awake all night, because when loved ones are all connected to the cause of putting a pause on sadness, cancer
SQUIRMS uncomfortably at our joy & gladness & delight.
-Cancer ResearchersCancer RESEARCHES the results of clinical trials like a long distance runner who sees less & less miles left in their marathon run, likewise, cancer RESEARCHES when the end will be when its reign of terror will be done, especially after major breakthroughs and cures are announced, as cancer prays for the days when pharmaceutical corporations pounced on the patents - as cancer hopes they will continue to hide it, but they say they haven’t which means, of course, they denied it - because losing billions in cancer
RESEARCH dollars creates clandestine cover-ups, cancerous collusions & covert unity between scientists being paid by profitneedy executives on the greedy, dark side of the (otherwise)
brilliant cancer community.
-Cancer KnocksCancer KNOCKS on the door of hospice care facilities like a processserver serving death notices to silent weepers that a certain loved one
won’t around next week to meet the new babies in the family, nor to smell the charming flowers that folks are saving to send to bittersweet “celebration of life services” to commemorate the end - instead of
sending them now, because none of us have yet to figure out how we will inhale the fresh smell of flowers through a casket, so we curiously ask, “Why are flowers sent after someone is dead?” because not being thought of while we are still alive is a funky feeling and a foul fragrance that just don’t jive, and yes, that’s the slang version & improper grammar way it is said, because being forgotten while we are still alive is worse than being remembered afterwards, which is really what most
folks fear & dread.
-Cancer HumsCancer HUMS haunting tunes that grunt their way into non-benign news as it exchanges cherished sounds with the sad, slow tempo of the dirty low down blues - but we can always choose to pull out the rug from under it’s cold feet and turn down its volume as it HUMS the opposite of whatever is sweet, because it hopes no one can use a hug that feels organic, unforced & snug as we sing melodies of comfort that cancer despises because each tug of affection that harmonizes with warm
refrains of real love from those who have a place in our heart makes cancer want to hear no part of symphonies of elation, and it is certainly is not a fan of sonatas of celebration & of healing because cancer wants
families to sing dreary & dreadful ballads like ‘We’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling’ or ‘I Don’t Know Why’ because cancer is drawn to woeful lyrics it can HUM to, relate to and identify.
-MARGIE’S Mistakes & Maybe’s -
Don’t get it twisted! Why would I speak ill of my mom, especially when she is an angel currently directing the heavenly choir? It is a complicated task to explain how cancer can cast a cruel shadow over one of the most outgoing human beings the world has ever known. Mom was a bright light whose radiant personality was dimmed by the ravages of a disease that robbed her of blissfully enjoying her twilight years where she was poised to ride into the sunset of playful and peaceful serenity. My mom grew up being a teacher’s pet in grade school because her last name was Perkins and because she was exceptionally smart. Special favor fell in her lap like rain falls in a rainforest. One of her greatest regrets was dropping out of Butler University in Indianapolis. When asked what she would do differently, she stated that not having a college degree and not pushing her children to pursue higher education was a mistake. When it came to school, my mom’s only advice to me was, “Don’t Flunk.”
George Burns (not the famous actor) was The One who held Mom’s heart in his hands as the unrequited love of her life. His overbearing mother believed no woman was worthy of her son, so she suffocated him unmercifully. Like a surreal scene from The Color Purple, his mom hid my mom’s pleading letters to her soulmate, George, who could not escape her grueling grip, nor free himself from the gauntlet of his staunch, stubborn & mean mother’s manipulative guilt trips. No man replaced the torch Mom carried for George, because she was still breathlessly speaking his name sweetly only days before she died. The biggest mistake in Mom’s life was, perhaps, the most lethal. Mom was not comfortable creating waves, so each time her home flooded, she never requested the owner to replace the molded sheetrock. We simply painted over it. Mom breathed in those moldy fumes for decades, then inhaled huge amounts of toxic smoke for at least an hour in her room as our childhood home burned to the ground. Months later, Mom had lung cancer. Coincidence? Maybe.
-Cancer RenouncesCancer RENOUNCES purple mountains of majesty because it is not sympathetic to the true travesty of tortured souls, so it RENOUNCES “Oh so beautiful for spacious skies,” because just as skies should not have limits, beautiful souls should not believe outright lies that we cannot conquer sickness or that we should not use our majesty to make wise adjustments from the way things used to be, so that when amber waves of grain are not as enticing because we have no appetite for anything, including a fruited plain where a flood of evidence & breakthrough findings should be paradigm shifts which substantiates solid theories of global oncology experts, but not the arrogant attitudes of patriotic physicians with prejudices & profit margins in mind who try to somehow find ways to justify to one another why they know all the answers - which is a special prototype of ignorance leading to a malpractice meltdown & an appalling demise - the same as if selftrained relatives published crackpot remedies filled with feel-good lies, which is probably why God shed His grace on soaring bald eagles - because they are beautiful cancer survivors in disguise.
-Cancer WantsCancer WANTS to prosper & not waste the prospect of a potential global pandemic if world leaders & gifted medical minds cannot agree to an equitable, systemically fair and globally accessible method of sharing solutions, instead of jockeying for credit and which entity or individual gets the most mega-cash benefits, which is why medical journals actually get it, so they focus the lion share of their ink & digital impressions on “the who” & “the what” of how they publish for each other and not for the general public which they know will not & have not read it, therefore, boardrooms must cater to stockholders who count on streams of revenue almost more than real patients count on real remedies, so cancer WANTS less debating, less communicating & as less constructive dialogue as possible, and cancer WANTS the eyes of the universe to not watch what it’s doing - as smart humans in control of cures choose not to be their brother’s keeper by not regarding earth as if it is a church with a common health steeple, which is why cancer WANTS to be a lightning rod or a beacon that shows the human condition to itself to prove that self-centered ministries & government bureaucracies barely care and are mainly there serve the own profitable interests and not the needs of the people.
-Cancer ChartsCancer CHARTS our recovery time & how long it takes to go from timid trepidations to affirmative & bold proclamations, which make it loud & clear that faith will be present for the duration – more than fear & more than panic so that private pandemonium does not transpire whenever uncertainty enters the room - because there is always an alternative way of thinking besides rehearsing a script of gloom & doom, which is why cancer CHARTS & measures our momentum, because serious illnesses egotistically & erroneously presume that temporary setbacks will automatically shut down hollow clichés & robotic platitudes, until something reassuring happens that restores our optimistic attitudes, so cancer CHARTS what each visitor & prayer partner says when they show up & surround us to help us deflect the arrows that agony slings, because whoever has the final word on what we should expect is the opinion cancer CHARTS & respects because those who believe in miracles know the living God who holds the keys to life & death & divine healing that is only found when we fall on our knees.
-Cancer QuestionsCancer QUESTIONS the motives of human angels with strong & resilient spirits who show up to fight right beside our side against the temptation to no longer strive to have a life, as they discern & gently strum their beautiful harps of hope & play their heavenly horns that blare, “Here Ye! Here Ye! Here Ye!” to announce to the weak & to the weary that even though cancer QUESTIONS how the frequency of the atmosphere
changes once our angels who also play violins of victory or fiddles of faith (depending on how deep in the woods our kinfolks originate) make cancer QUESTION just how long it take & how long it will be before we pound our own drums & proclaim the victory as we blow the shofar & the sincere, shiny brass decreeing & declaring, “We serve a risen Savior who has already beaten death, hell & the grave’s butt & CONTINUES to beat its you know what.”
-Cancer CringesCancer CRINGES when it is humiliated as feelings of grief get decimated (or at least diluted) by music, poetry, dance & other art forms that cause cancer to CRINGE due to its endless efforts to make mankind curse God, which will never win when we choose to confuse cancer by having indestructible expectations, because we cannot afford to lose faith by entertaining thoughts that are polluted & convoluted by doubt & frustration, which is why genuine companionship helps us to shout, or to stay calm as we endure xrays & exploratory procedures that confirms unfortunate features we are forced to face when it seems like our legacy is lodged between a rock & a hard place between the ribs of our self-worth where freestyling some bars or spitting a verse can wrestle worries away from surgical scars & health turns for the worse when uncontrollable tears are shed at the crossroads after learning of dire results we don’t desire to hear when our faith must be fortified & buoyed by the everlasting echo that causes cancer to CRINGE in fear, which is God’s whisper into an obedient & listening ear.
-Cancer BreaksCancer BREAKS not the bond of mutual fondness that lifts us above & beyond any condition or so-called family curse because cancer BREAKS down our best-laid plans like leftover crumbs at the bottom of a woman’s purse, or like lingering residue residing in a man’s pants pocket after what really matters in life get crystallized into our eyes as we look at it, then lock it into our vision as our new priorities because we can no longer carry ourselves as if we live in the majority who are satisfied with knock-off lifestyles - like wearing no-name shoes, jewelry or boots because cancer BREAKS us out of cheap routines such as hate, as we discard it like a cheap suit because we now prefer quality time over wasted time because meaningfulness matters the most in our mind – as we now crave Louis Vuitton victories & Michael Kors memories & Coach conversations & Chanel expectations, as well as Prada plans & Gucci dreams – as opposed to empty endeavors devoid of golden wings, which is the ultimate prize when compassion & true friendship makes us realize it is really the little things that create the most meaningful bonds – as simple as making a cool connection with a duck relaxing on top of the water – wading above the cancer-like scum lurking at the bottom of an otherwise peaceful pond, which is similar to living our life as a cancer survivor, or perhaps, as a free spirit & liberated spirit light years beyond.
-Cancer CompelsCancer COMPELS us to create coping mechanisms to help us handle the heavy emotional adjustment of feeling the foundation of our future possibly cracking & crumbling from the pressure of making mind-numbing plans pertaining to our remaining years being condensed, in some cases, to a only months - as a new calendar date suddenly appears inside of a dreaded circle as each new day draws it near as cancer COMPELS us to consider solutions to make the most of our remaining moments & minutes because our existence faces possible decades without our physical presence in it - where we were hoping to bask in the fruit of our labors, but now cancer COMPELS us to chit-chat with nosey next door neighbors whom we previously only discussed the weather, rarely touching on topics that bring humans together that tap into our favorite interests, as well as where we think our place is in the universe (or should be) without any requirements of wealth, because our character & integrity takes over our tongues as we find ourselves considerably more open to sit in the sun to discuss anything, including our failing health as cancer COMPELS us to secure a legacy we are feverishly renewing as we daydream about aspirations we are currently pursuing, as well as activities we wish could partake in because those things are what we would prefer to be doing - instead of worrying about remembering errant words we may( or may not) have said, because cancer COMPELS us to meditate on new subjects, like how cool we are when we customize & accessorize our wheelchairs & our new bald head.
-MARGIE’S Ministry & Meaning -
Margie meant the world to energetic children and youthful adults. She was generous and unselfish beyond compare. If someone complimented her earrings, she took them off and gave them away. Church children knew her as the candy hook-up lady. Mom showered senior citizens with hugs and kisses. She was a glowing presence who graced pianos and organs wherever she was invited to play. Her bold initiatives into the delicate dynamics of human interaction were not uncommon because my bouncy mom would unexpectedly spring up to teach harmony parts to entire congregations. Boundless spontaneity and freestyle flow were her calling cards. She was seldom a spectator if the option of participation was available.
My definition of ministry means when someone is spiritually compelled by an instinctive passion to serve. Mom never called herself a music minister, even though she was regarded as one of the best. Her four decades of faithful service to the church was a true labor of love.
Mom’s electric personality was seasoned with a marvelous ministry of making others smile. She inspired hundreds to think on higher things. Mom helped multitudes to, both, learn and live uplifting lyrics that lasted for weeks and months, and most likely, for the rest of a person’s life. But back to the candy! In most cases, the first person to arrive at a service or a large assembly is usually also the last person to leave. However, this adage did not apply to my mom. She took great pride in always being prompt, but she was notoriously infamous for being the first person to swiftly saunter and twist her way out of the sanctuary doors every weekend, but she was not racing to her car. She rushed to sit by the front door with baskets full of candy in an impassioned effort to raise funds for flowers and cards for those who were struggling with a prolonged sickness at home, or as a hospital patient. She was fiercely determined to not allow anyone to feel forgotten or left out in her family of faithful believers.
-Cancer TwistsCancer TWISTS the arms of reluctant relatives, close friends, nurse neighbors & all – the ones no one would have ever predicted would be willing to answer the call to volunteer & valiantly answer the request to become brave home care providers or occasional free relief staff (in a pinch) at best – being someone who actually agreed to teach themselves sterile practices, as well as being sensitive to the need to practice the patience it takes to work with a patient they only knew as Mom or Dad or Grandma or young Billy as they learn to administer & manage an avalanche of pills, while hoping they don’t look silly dispensing physical therapy advice to a loved one while helping them to pay their bills, especially when that special someone they are assisting is a notoriously private person with an invincible & stubborn will who now feels embarrassed after another grueling day of various radiation & chemo treatments that make caring caregiver assume their body is made of cement as cancer TWISTS their outlook on where they are going & where they’ve been against a back drop of drop-in folks who show up and say, “Let Us In” because they know they won’t get turned away because the best kind of caregiver ever is the one we first called “family,” or in some cases, “best friend.”
-Cancer ConfirmsCancer CONFIRMS the convictions of those who have made their peace with the prince of it, long before they are able to wrap their fingers around a damning cancer diagnosis just to make sense of it as their body begins to show outward signs that it could be conceding to the crooked lines indicating that the dam called their life has a huge, gaping crack in it as cancer CONFIRMS they must concede to the fact that they are made of dirt & clay & that one day, we will all need to take heed to the screeching sound of our longevity winding down as each locomotion on the tracks of time develops rusty brakes as every train makes it to the end their line & we will be buried under the ground after our skin & our hair both begin to turn thin – as none of us will be forever bound nor trapped within temporary temples & fleshly castles no longer strong enough as cancer CONFIRMS all along that when it is time to take flight after our body has fought with all its might until it not a fit fortress for our souls to dwell there, much less being a worthy vessel of a king or a queen who is a future angel & a royal heir.
-Cancer HelpsCancer HELPS us to hate its very existence as we downright refuse to savor the heartbreaking & gut-wrenching news bottled up within each agonizing teardrop that falls that nobody is ready, meaning absolutely nobody with a heart when cancer calls for a kid, because it was through no fault of their own nor anything they did to deserve a tiny farewell metal lid as cancer HELPS us to despise it for having zero acceptable answers when we beg to know WHY? & our whys turn into internal bleeding because it cuts like a knife – all the excessive, excruciating pleading - when we learn we might lose an innocent child whose brief stay will be over as a daughter or a son, along with their smile - or a sibling or a favorite little cousin whose life has only just begun – or that one niece or one nephew out of a dozen whose tender breaths are about to be cut short - it cues the worst kind of bitterness when cancer aborts the sweetest humans still wearing baby shoes or as elementary souls ended with a harsh conclusion as cancer HELPS to create a false illusion that our crocodile tears are only for a season – which is a lie from hell because for absolutely no ungodly reason a child was abducted by death, so tears will forever flow because of life discoveries a young family member will never know.
-Cancer ShowsCancer SHOWS the world what the absence of love actually looks like, yet, cancer also SHOWS what love absolutely feels like because beneath its awful oceans, below its mean-spirited mountains & beyond its dark storm clouds - cancer creates a canvas of compassion & opportunities for earth angels to shine & dominate any overcast evening thick with quiet shadows on cemetery grounds where the grass is never greener because mass graves of loved ones who became casualties to cancer’s callous unkindness SHOWS that it brought out the best in those who gracefully faced the fire of a stage four inferno by pouring the hot lava of their love into others as they made the most of each moment by not succumbing to the scorching heat of self-pity & self-defeat by throwing themselves in smoldering volcanoes of hollow victimhood, for Heaven was in their view more than remorse & regrets, for it SHOWS swag when gamblers WIN by skillfully hedging their bets.
-Cancer VisualizesCancer VISUALIZES how invisible and undetected it can remain before it is found lurking within our limbs, between our ears & lodged within our brains, which is ground zero for growing pains that teach cancer the
most sinister ways to taint our thoughts and traumatize our tongues with tremors of terrible worries each time we feel the warmth of a new sun, because cancer thinks once it has begun to matriculate its way into
an important place on our daily plate, that it must continue its chaotic run, that is, until a higher & more powerful influence uplifts the downtrodden & mends the hearts of the broken-hearted, as a consequence, cancer VISUALIZES strategies that maximizes its 15 minutes of repulsive & recurring fame when it finds a healthy host with a good name.
-Cancer DreadsCancer DREADS when no damage has been done to our definitions & demonstrations of love as we discover the real stuff our DNA is made of, like comet particles & strands of star dust still lingering in the sky - and space residue from solar systems inside of us that result in saline sea drops when we cry because cancer DREADS when our oceans of salty seasoning give us the flavor of favor because cancer DREADS waves of optimism as it hopes it can also eventually get into the pores of our spirit so it can interrupt & infect the happy hearts it can’t touch on islands of pink ribbons & white
sand symbolizing the galaxy’s fight against ugliness, including the beauty of foundations that take a bold stand.
-Cancer BoosCancer BOOS when we dare to take a rare victory lap before the culmination & climax of cancer adding another name to its track record of devastation & killing, because cancer BOOS when it gets the shameful & unfulfilling feeling that the most anticipated leg of its relay run with ruin, decimation & delusion will not end with a final kick of seeing us defeated in spirit at its unpleasant conclusion because it hopes not to observe us sprinting to the light with graceful dignity & peaceful insight
that our love for life did not dissipate nor silently fade, because the more we focus on all that is beautiful, the more it forces cancer to BOO and to gaze in disgust as we lead our own parade by lovingly passing a
victorious baton of our best lessons & our most heartfelt songs to those gathered near the finish line of our faith who are there to cheer us on.
-MARGIE’S Marvelous Magic -
Nothing made Marjorie happier than when someone took the time to visit her home. She loved to entertain company, which included me after I graduated and moved out when I was 17. My children were always amused and entertained whenever we stopped by to visit. They kept their eyes on my mom as she kept a steady stream of sandwiches, cookies, fruit, snacks, juice and ice cream flowing in constant rotation the entire time we were there. She purchased wading pools to relax outside all day with my sisters and her grandchildren as they discussed current events and debated philosophical topics.
She had a violent reaction to high-volume drama, so I was her number one nemesis guilty of pushing her buttons over the limit. Lord, please forgive me for all the times I caused my dear mother to covered her ears and run from my unbearable loudness! My mother’s mood was also impacted by repetitiousness and prolonged sitting. As the church pianist, she would softly tinkle the keys as hints to the pastor to wind it up.
When we were young children in Indiana, there was a bridge with built-in metal grates. Mom named it the ‘humming bridge’ based on how car tires vibrated based on how fast or slow someone drove over it. Mom’s special marvelousness was her way of turning simple things into silliness & magic for people she liked. A few years later after we moved to Texas, my uncle gave her his used green Cadillac.
It didn’t take long for us to learn the chant, “Hot Rod! Hot Rod! Hot Rod!” to implore our mom put the pedal to the medal and fly down residential streets, clearly convincing her to be an irresponsible, unsafe parent. Yay, Cool Mommy!! Margie was not a conformist. She loved to color outside of the lines. She made up her own set of rules for just about everything. Normal things in civilized society didn’t seem to apply to her. My mom invented the words, “Let’s Go For A Ride” when she was tired of a destructive dog or a precocious cat. Mom also played competitive baseball until she was 70. Her grandson just ran the bases for her.
Margie was an artist to the core of her being. She was a firm believer in fairness and equality for all. Mom worked hard to make her life as easy as possible – so she would not have to work as hard on that same task or particular project the next time. She was an innovator driven by irritation, and a leader motivated by angst and personal agitation. Margie’s smile was authentic. She was never fake, nor did she ever force herself to pretend to be interested in something that she was not. She always wore her feelings on her face. If she was confused about something, she would try to convince you that you were too. If she was hurt, she was not afraid to cry. If something grabbed her attention, she would ask 1,000 questions. She never tried to conceal her joy and excitement, nor her disappointment and disgust. She was a truth teller to a fault. She would tell me I had five seconds to say, “I was just kidding” or she would officially categorize it as a lie, telling me that all liars would be the first ones to bust the bottom out of hell. She hated liars with a purple passion. No exceptions.
Mom maintained a deep well of compassion and an incredible capacity to forgive and forget. She lived her entire life without shame or apology. She never requested permission from anyone to navigate the ship of her life in the direction of her choosing, nor did she seek the approval of other people to be the woman she saw staring back at her in the mirror. She always liked what she was looking at, except at the end. That was the most difficult and devastating toll that cancer took away from her. Marjorie lived her imaginative existence without strings attached to it. She never allowed herself to be anyone’s puppet, nor did she live her life in a scripted manner. Mom was a spontaneous free spirit who loved to be moved and motivated by the Holy Spirit. Her poems, letters and essays could fill the pages of totally separate book from the one being read right now. My mother was the Frank Sinatra of her home & family, as well as her church family, because she definitely did things her way!
-Cancer ShunsCancer SHUNS the sharing of wonderful stories that show our relevance & why we matter so much to family & friends, and cancer recoils in frustrated ridicule when it cannot remove the magic from special hugs that spoil & blemish its pain parties, as precious recollections & heartfelt histories take precedence over cancer’s poison as God reveals mysteries that cancer SHUNS because it reminds cancer of how powerless it is to prevent omnipotence in action when it chooses to overrule negative noise when pure poise in perpetual motion in the form of panoramas with amazing new views of dignity that reflect on a life well-lived that cancer should feel guilty for interrupting, but it never will because cancer SHUNS the light of decorum, so sometimes it’s necessary to take the gloves off, for in cancer’s world, these words are not foreign - it is classless, shameless, brazen & brash - tasteless, tacky, tawdry & pure trash, rubbish, garbage, smelly refuge & putrid stench, go away, no one likes you, kill ya’ self, ride the bench.
-Cancer FearsCancer FEARS remission when we take a proactive position to aggressively attack it & stop its spread, for cancer’s plan is for us all to be dead, so it gets nervous around ninja-like neurologists & ambitious oncology artists & talented tumor assassins professionally trained to talk calmly as they carefully explain to attentive patients their aim & area of expertise, & the one that cancer FEARS the most are savage specialists who believe in radical protocols to resist obliging with cancer’s cruelty & not making peace with a disease designed to invade - because dedicated doctors are more than medical mercenaries just getting paid for mediocre reactions from clinical trials that fail to impress or make anyone smile, so their soul’s satisfaction is seeing a full proof cure, then it’s lights out cancer, it will be done one day, for sure.
-Cancer WithholdsCancer WITHHOLDS secrets to its own demise & hides all clues to its decimation to itself as it denies doctors access to its dark databases where undisclosed cures & anti-carcinogen answers could induce an erosion of its malevolence & an implosion in host cells to make it evaporate into dry lakes of nothingness, and we shall prevail, which is why cancer WITHHOLDS & stays silent about mistakes we make, as well as playing it poker-faced regarding oncology advances it fears as it sadistically whispers unsweetened bitterness into our ears under its evil, surreptitious breath, “To Hell with Hippocratic Oaths” because the pledges it respects the most are the ones it makes with death & its murderous allegiance to annihilation - as if each stage is named McBeth.
-Cancer RegretsCancer REGRETS that there is a history of healing & how it is never allowed to forget how it is resisted or eliminated or often eradicated by radiation & not permitted to touch our soul – so it reappears, maybe because petulant cancer has issues with control because cantankerous cancer REGRETS being surprised when it opens up its evil eyes to see unruffled images staring back - but not reflecting a melancholy mood of misery & mean-spirited madness fraught with physical frustrations cancer worked so hard to audaciously bring into so many countless lives that it should REGRET looking at itself with a straight, guiltless face due to the fear it inflicts & how cancer is reviled based on the disgraceful manner in which it attempts to erase our loved ones with each terrible and newly opened case.
-Cancer ComprehendsCancer COMPREHENDS it cannot coerce the laws of nature to act contrary to itself, as those laws cause us to attract similar moods & parallel energies much like success gurus who routinely suggest that the secret to accumulating wealth & getting huge returns on the life-force we choose is to give away to others whatever it is we are afraid to lose, so too does cancer COMPREHEND that when we radiate or initiate the feeling or the frequency of beauty that something as simple as the peaceful vibrations created when fresh flowers are in a hospital room, likewise, we must freely fling boomerangs of love - hoping to inhale it’s reciprocation as we rise above cancer’s lowlife appeal because cancer COMPREHENDS that the power of love is real – so if it shows back up after retreating the first time, we must also return to distributing cornucopias of comforting smiles because cancer COMPREHENDS that it only prefers to socialize with us in the muck of our bitter trials.
-Cancer PersistsCancer PERSISTS as a poster child for stubborn plagues, daring us to learn life lessons from it & provoking us to purge the pestilence from it - then agitating us to tear the teeth from it as cancer PERSISTS to tempt and taunt us to bite the bullet of bad news from it by assigning ourselves to jail cells of early surrenders if curious tumors are not benign, as cancer becomes more confident to continue to shine as a sadistic superstar in its own sick mind as a being so supreme that if we’re too short-sighted to glean that cancer PERSISTS as a sick tutorial that makes us lean toward better things to talk about, testify about or jubilantly mention, then we will slip into premature talk of bereavement which cause anguish and terrible tension if we give death too much of our valuable time as the constant focus of our attention.
-Cancer RanksCancer RANKS the order & priority we place on the majority of knowledge we process & store, as well as the useful information & vital data we carelessly or cavalierly ignore or couldn’t care less about, therefore, it creates those who arrogantly disregard or ignorantly doubt what civilized citizens of the planet should not only be paying closer attention to - but also investigating, researching, sharing & even shouting out to the whole world regarding preventive remedies that cancer hopes humanity loses track of due to the brain-dead habits we humans unwisely gravitate toward, get addicted to & leanings we should probably not indulge in, nor adhere to, nor give essential credence to, like the meaningless morsels of inconsequential crap our divine nature should never be compared to, including hollow routines which seldom do what we need for them to - when what we really need is to be impacted in healthy ways & provided with relief on our absolute worst days - not just being distracted and daily anesthetized with mundane minutia as cancer RANKS & identifies & charts our confusion as we wonder why we unwittingly facilitate our programmed participation in being unwise.
-MARGIE’S Mily Memos to Me To The Love of My Life, I just want to say a few words to you to let you know how much I dearly love you and wish for the best the world has to offer you. Please forgive me if I ever caused any unpleasantness in your life. Parents sometimes do this unintentionally. We all see things differently from time to time. This is sometimes how final decisions get made.
2
1
Eric, my darling son, I am so proud of your talents, which are many. I thank you for choosing me as your parent. I hope I served you well. Thank you for marrying Cindy. You could not have found a better mate, not only for you, but for all the nice things she did for me. Thank you for letting me name Rebecca. (smile) I’ll be watching you when you’re on the Oprah Show, and I will say, “That’s My Boy!”
3
In the short time we have left, may you accomplish many more achievements. Stay humble and grateful. You have been a wonderful son. Thanks for all the showers of love you gave me. I’ll be looking over your shoulder, egging you on. Love, Momma
PS: Don’t let things bother you. Your gift is making room for you. Those who hear are those whom God wants to hear. Leave your words totally in His hands. Your anxiety is not necessarily due to that moment during that time. You manifest rejection by predicting it before it even happens because you crave approval, adoration, appreciation & attention from certain people you think should be applauding you. Remember, a prophet is without honor in his own country. Love, Momma
4
-Cancer UnitesCancer UNITES bickering sisters & brothers, while helping humans who may normally distrust or historically hate one another - to build bridges for a day or perhaps a season, or maybe for forever to hopefully find mutual reasons to endorse group hugs & allow ourselves to embrace harmonious mass efforts to reverse cancer’s rapid pace in its campaign for more morbid cacophony as cancer UNITES the forces of death & disease into fierce fights against faith circles that share an unshakeable ease & a religious fervor to not allow false rumors to metastasize & evolve that cancer cannot be defeated, nor can doctors do anything to marginalize its mayhem & make it non-malignant in climates of joy & change where feuds end as family members exchange forgiveness, then come together to support one another, do right & live.
-Cancer LaughsCancer LAUGHS when we fail to criticize the real enemy by focusing the full fury of our frustrations upon one another instead
of unleashing our angst on the real monster in the middle of the room that creates a climate of mendacity & a continuation of lies, as well as the kind of callous conditions where our eyes are
stigmatized with double vision due to being repeatedly victimized by not only cancer, but by our stubborn tendencies to succumb to our lowest nature instead of being conscious of & thankful for our
highs, because cancer LAUGHS when we refuse to make strides to carcinogize & destabilize evil efforts to eulogize those with more living & loving to do with rest of their lives.
-Cancer CamouflagesCancer CAMMOUFLAGES itself within the wacky world of deliberate naivety & nincompoop beliefs that emphatically state that cancer cannot wreak havoc in holy, prayed up people nor rigidly religious parishioners - because ironically, that’s exactly where cancer loves to CAMMOUFLAGE itself - among foolish folks who feel they are immune from a plague such as cancer if it is not mentioned nor written about in ancient scriptures – so cancer CAMMOUFLAGES itself in countrified congregations where self-ordained imbeciles, self-absorbed bayou theologians & closed-minded clowns spout stupid dung attempting to explain that “Some folks should never experience pain” as if the people listening to them are just as backwards & insane & just as totally dumb - proving that boorish buffoons are blinded by backwoods interpretations of the bible, so much so that a despicable disease like cancer can CAMMOUFLAGE itself in pulpits where detestable dogma demands that if someone disagrees with your beliefs, then they must be infested with sinister ideologies taught to them by a big city slicker or a snake oil salesmen or some crude clergy viper with venomous words that decent people from the 20th century have never heard of them - before reality TV & social media documented their shiftless emergence from dark caveman caverns & deep crevices in the earth where all the cruddy, callous, pre-historic crap came from before sanctified ex-sinners with shotguns made it even worse by making it seem as if common sense was never invented by rational thinkers with updated knowledge and information to form the genesis of a rational, intelligent civilization.
-Cancer CriesCancer CRIES when blessings disguised as bad news burdens suddenly blossom & unexpectantly rise like beautiful surprise balloons hovering above the heaviness hanging in the air of our awareness of potential doom as the soft, sweet sound of “I Love You” careens & bounces off the ceilings in the sterile hospital room, hospice care facility or homes where hands are held reassuringly by those who pray that cancer CRIES because it cannot have its ruthless way as it wants to catch new unsuspecting prey in its unmerciful clutches by causing others to give up & surrender to its slippery grip of no longer hoping anymore because our weariness or right-nowness causes us to understandably slip – but if we acted as if we expect each heartfelt caress could disinfect apathetic attitudes, then it might dawn on us that we should treat everyone, and not just those in distress, - as if we just heard a rumor they will be dying in five minutes or less, instant compassion & sincere respect.
-Cancer ImpartsCancer IMPARTS the knowledge that love is greater than any gruesome gratuities cancer may take with our bodies - once we sense the velvet rose pedals of redeeming qualities atop the piercing pain of cancer’s sharp thorns - as epiphanies tutor us like we are new bees to a swarm, teaching us to instinctively return to the honey of God’s goodness so our heads won’t bow as we suck the nectar of knowing there is a universe within us & how the one who grows us knows us best as we coach, coax & cajole ourselves to pass each agonizing test by rejoicing in the reflex of recognition that God’s grace was sufficient eons before we were born as our creator honors our efforts that cause others to ponder why model patients in peril are not more forlorn as they wonder, “How can they be smiling at a time like this?” because they can’t see us drawing from deep roots so rich that unspeakable joy drips from our lips as God grooms us to grow into a delicious soul ripened by a faith & a love & a cool of the day chemistry far above the bitter branches of the healing hope of cancer tree.
-Cancer ImpartsCancer POINTS to pain, which makes it easier to explain why it cries foul when we choose not to crumble or to disproportionately complain about its appearance in our bones, our breasts or our brains, or our lungs, our colon, or our skin and other places around or within our temporary temple, lodged in our cervical tissue - pancreatic and prostrate alike - and weakened areas that could let in the light from portals that beckon us into dimensions that make us pay closer attention, not to mention material things we think we need, but having pure faith as that of a mustard seed that makes us act like a praise party is, indeed, taking place as we loudly sing in this time & space- turning up the music as we dare to dance in cancer’s face as it POINTS to what we can no longer do, but we are at peace even when we respond and say, “True” because cancer only POINTS out what’s in it for it, but life is like Vegas: We can’t win unless we say, “Hit.” Go for It!
-Cancer PointsCancer POINTS to pain, which makes it easier to explain why it cries foul when we choose not to crumble or to disproportionately complain about its appearance in our bones, our breasts or our brains, or our lungs, our colon, or our skin and other places around or within our temporary temple, lodged in our cervical tissue - pancreatic and prostrate alike - and weakened areas that could let in the light from portals that beckon us into dimensions that make us pay closer attention, not to mention material things we think we need, but having pure faith as that of a mustard seed that makes us act like a praise party is, indeed, taking place as we loudly sing in this time & space- turning up the music as we dare to dance in cancer’s face as it POINTS to what we can no longer do, but we are at peace even when we respond and say, “True” because cancer only POINTS out what’s in it for it, but life is like Vegas: We can’t win unless we say, “Hit.” Go for It!
-Cancer HealsCancer HEALS us from the vexation and vanity of stubborn viewpoints & the asinine arrogance of absoluteness because cancer HEALS us from not knowing that the emptiest people are those who are full of themselves and those who refuse to fit differing opinions into the finite framework of their limited thinking, so cancer HEALS the fragile place where progressive ideas are considered as toxic poisons & terrible taboos that only narcissists deftly dodge, which is why open-minded optimists have superior perspectives, bolder outlooks and better attitudes toward medical advances & cutting-edge frequencies emanating from the edges of the universe when it comes to allowing cancer to HEAL our uncomfortability to contemplate patient care worth trying if it means a full recovery, less suffering, and not digging holes for those who are not dying because the vibration of a vision is untouchable by cancer, and its that pulse that keeps a dreamer alive.
-MARGIE’S Maiden’s Voyage Part 1 -
The mother I knew was not often seen on any network TV show because they intentionally avoid the name of Jesus. The mother I knew taught me that he sees me as being perfected, redeemed and already in his hands. The mother I knew believes and understands that is not wise to judge, criticize and condemn. She believes her soul was claimed by him before the foundation of the world was laid. The mother I knew never really got paid the kind of cash in this life that she deserved. Her favorite things to do were to create and to serve.
Her daily grind was to serve God and to serve the saints with her gift to inspire, encourage and uplift the heads of those that were hanging low. This is the mother I knew and the one I will always know.
She was my teacher, my nurturer, my role model example and my friend. I remember never being able to predict when she would smile and say the words, “I Love You, Son” because it was often spoken randomly on days that ended in the letter ‘y.’ My mom would get quiet, sit back and soak it all in when I was getting loved on by the masses or applauded by strangers and other people. Whenever I entered a room to read or recite and there was a crowd, her words would ring repeatedly in my head, “Don’t be repetitious – or else you will kill them dead.” The mother I knew can be seen in me. Her political views were mostly reflected on MSNBC. Her music can still be heard in hundreds of hearts, as well as in unison & close harmony parts. Her writing reflected her mood, in addition to her faith, and her current attitude. The mother I knew would cheer for me to conclude, because if I were to just go on & on, to her, she was quick to remind me that long-windedness is kind of rude. Therefore, I must end this Maiden Voyage #1. The mother I knew would want me to stop talking to you.
-Cancer KillsCancer KILLS the inclination to keep being stupid and intentionally unintelligent because it disturbs the dense, dim-witted & dullminded to get an actual clue about harmony, real love & world unity as cancer KILLS the proclivity to be forever dumb & dumber about clinging to worthless oaths & silly, senseless hate, as well as the jaded justification of economic privilege by oppressing or denying the rights of others with racist rhetoric & retarded rants that cancer should KILL if it takes a disease to heal bigots of blindness & elitist from ego-tripping because that does not ease anyone’s pain and cancer KILLS by pouring cold ice water on our thoughts that make us sound like ignorant idiots who maybe needed cancer’s wake up call to cease from declaring demonic demagoguery that one race or class of citizens are better than others because cancer KILLS all excuses not to escape from a prison of our own paranoia as cancer becomes the great equalizer that keeps us from being that brain-dead bystander on the balcony of life loudly booing & trolling mankind’s attempt at appreciating variety because it shouldn’t take a hospital bed to bring about brotherhood in today’s society.
-Cancer MoonwalksCancer MOONWALKS as it slides & ghoulishly glides beside the bestlaid plans we secretly hide in Maringa moves within our mind as it throws off the rhythm of our Soul Train Line by making us Waltz to Polka beats as cures sit glued to pharmaceutical V.I.P. seats in boardrooms where shareholders and executives do the Cotton-EyedJoe & the Good Ol’ Boy Swing as they do the Cha-Cha with corporate profits as families feel the sting of mega insurance companies doing the Tango and the Foxtrot with hospitals cashing in every day, making patients do the Robot & Tap Dance to whatever THEY say we can afford to pay as we Pirouette on eggshells like we are in an expensive Ballet, balancing the burden of loved ones allergic to stressful news & hard work vs focusing on our own health issues because cancer loathes when our joy does the Jerk , the Jitterbug, the NaeNae, the Wobble & the Whip, especially when we dive head-first into happiness like Head Bangers into a Mosh-Pit as we Dab on debt & depression, doing our best to keep the Samba of dinero dancing because doing the Salsa without hospital insurance is impossible, especially when diagnosed with cancer because it ain’t cheap – but the beat goes on with business of cancer as we pray not to be victim of the ju Ju On That Beat.
-Cancer QuizzesCancer QUIZZES us with questions like, Did you have a goal, but made excuses to not go get it? Did you have a dream, but were afraid to wake up to live it? What person did you admire, but were too proud to admit it because you assumed they would get the big head if you actually went out & did it? because cancer QUIZZES about hard lessons we learned that may have led to bridges being burned that connected us to pariahs and potholes that our weak wills & wheels of our momentum had to pass through during our painful past, as well as a priceless panorama of pleasant mental pics that will outlast all the QUIZZES we failed because the QUIZZES in our existence that we passed - where we grew and our joy prevailed proved we were more than conquerors as we tell cancer as it QUIZZES us that the boat where we used to beat ourselves up has sailed.
-Cancer InhalesCancer INHALES negative nitrogen exhaled by sufferers who don’t breathe in the beauty of their remaining days or decades due to an unhealthy prognosis that makes them unmotivated to generate or reciprocate friendly, kind or generous gestures that could resuscitate the type of faith that does not flat-line in ears that function just to hear soothing words like, ‘weeping may endure for a night or a season, but joy awaits those who believe that everything is ALREADY alright’ when they’ve got reasons to know - for everything that cancer is - it is not in charge of God’s light, especially when we’ve got a will to fight, filling our souls with heavenly delight when we sing like carefree kids how the set free wheels on the bus of our being keep going ‘round & ‘round as the sound of RIGHT NOW lift our spirits above clouds of gray if we exhale what cancer does not want to INHALE, which is the effervescent energy that suffocates woe & worry from today.7
-Cancer Tip ToesCancer TIP TOES not through the tulips of tit-for-tat behavior stemming from the temptation to judge & not forgive those who are less than perfect, unlike we sometimes portray ourselves to be if superficial or imaginary friends feel the need to TIP TOE around our egos as cancer removes all pretentiousness we try hard to hide, because eventually we must TIP TOE through tall, ugly weeds that weave their way into the green grass of practiced routines & the vexing vineyards of vanity & vindictiveness that gobble up family dynamics like a Jesus imposter would have received if he was asked at the wedding (instead of Jesus) to turn water into tasty wine, likewise, we sometimes twist our fists around counterfeit words until they taste like a bittery, fake, watery flow of woe - so we must subdue the inducement to ignore the fact that cancer stomps & never acts sympathetic to our feelings so it never TIP TOES on eggshells as it pulls back the curtain of time to an ancient time when Peter walked on the water, but took his mind (& his eyes) off of Jesus - then sank, so we too must keep our focus, keep walking & say “Thanks’ just to win back our smile if we have allowed cancer to freeze it in time as we turn hospitals, homes & the hand of hope into two fish & five loaves and a pleasant & positive peace of mind.
-Cancer ConflictsCancer CONFLICTS with our plans to participate in distant futures by putting a precarious pause on our predictions to grow old gracefully when we keep getting reports of how cancer is ostensibly opposed to human evolution & growth simply because it CONFLICTS with being kindhearted… … even when a benign tumor is involved because cancer will never quit being cancer, so it hates eyewitness accounts from survivors, along with rumors of energetic enthusiasm after cancer’s busy attempts to take its terrible tolls & torturous measures on random souls it taunts with lies, debilitating discomfort, depression & death threats - not knowing the resilient ones will not compromise ways of seeing & being that reflect our anticipation of the fulfillment of God’s promises that mean so much – especially when the covenants we have with our creator are things that cancer cannot cancel nor ever, ever touch.
-Cancer RelinquishesCancer RELINQUISHES its stubborn stranglehold on terrible titles we give it that it loves because miracles abound & remarkable researchers now possess irrefutable results that reveal millions of sightings of victorious survivors, HEALTHY, HAPPY & HEALED SURVIVORS because as the planet is populated with medical geniuses & as super scientists gain better leverage on the learning scale of life, cancer RELINQUISHES more names it would have ordinarily taken as we learn more why certain people are forsaken by cancer – but especially when it comes to how healthy human cells that are unimpressed with cancer’s penchant for turning people into patients naturally fight & defend themselves EVERY DAY against cancer’s destructive & predicable patterns & self-destructive implosions which were well-hidden secrets craftily concealed in how our planet is growing more populated with tales of victory & triumphant as told by toddlers, teenagers, parents & global residents better prepared to LOVE & CELEBRATE LIFE more than we are to leave without whispering our special stories into the wind. When all has been said & done, the word of comfort where we should all run is PREVENTION because cancer is more inclined to RELINQUISH easy claims on those who don’t voluntarily submit their own names.
-MARGIE’S Maiden Voyage -
As I sit beside my angel struggling to inhale her final samples of earthly oxygen, I wonder which breaths mattered most during her 77 year visit to this dimension? Were there waves of wonderment when she first arrived and realized, even as an infant, that she could be trapped here for a while?
Did she sense the sad sourness of poverty while savoring the sweet aroma of her purpose as she poured herself into her passion? The angel I am gazing at gave herself to music. She unlocked treasure chests where melodies were stockpiled. She never looked back nor second guessed her gift to uplift, inspire and encourage her fellow angels and wandering souls she shared time, ideas and clever energy with. Which breaths were her favorites and her least to look forward to? Time stood still for my angel when words would hover over her head. Some, she put to music and melodic harmonies. Others, she tucked away in poems & essays, but they always arrived in the ears & hearts of those she wrote them for who might be benefitted by them.
She avoided breaths, conversations and souls filled with hot air, included her own sometimes, if she concluded it was a waste of her creative energy and constructive commentaries on the moment. This angel has completed her journey. There is nothing left undone for her to do. No songs were left uncomposed and no candy was left unsold nor stored away in hiding places away from insatiable sweet tooth's like mine. This angel loved to give until she could give again…. and then again. This angel gave love & life & lessons in living. This angel tried to give love to five of her favorite people, but in five different ways. She gave away music to an array of praise singers and choir members and clefs, and oftentimes, entire congregations. This angel scored an A+ in accomplishing the task athand. The final breaths she recycled were cool breezes from the sails of a ship that was heading straight to the shores of eternity. The trade winds of destiny blow best when we relax in the process of improvement, effort, fulfillment and rest. Rest in Peace, Momma. I Love You.
I loved this angel with all of my heart. I’ll always thank her for allowing me to choose her as my shining star. The final breath she absorbs into this vessel she will no longer travel in was the luckiest molecule on planet earth because it was be inhaled by my angel. The breaths that matter most are those we are aware of when we are immersed in love and surrounded by those who have chosen to plunge feet first with brave feats of courage and compassion into our lives. They are awarded with wings & whispers to soar in the stratospheres of our heart forever. I’ll see you later, Momma. Bye Bye for now, until we meet again.