WEW Magazine Summer/Autumn 2016 by Jacqueline Ani

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A Magazine for the Kingdom Minded Woman, Promoting her Style, Wholeness and Spiritual Etiquette.

SUMMER 2016 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Editor's Message

Letter From

THE EDITOR Hi Ladies, Summer is officially here! Every season brings with it changes and so far summer has brought with it tremendous and monumentus change. News reports have been flooded with headlines that will forever be logged in history. With Brexit in the UK, the political and racial stirrings in the US as well as the disruptions all over Europe and throughout the rest of the world none of us could be mistaken in thinking that we are living in an interesting time. We are in a dispensation that is calling for the body of Christ to stand firmly and show its position in God's Kingdom. God is calling out leaders who have been prepared in the secret place. In this season God is shifting those in positions of leadership and making room for the body of Christ to arise. As Kingdom minded women, we are birthers. It is in this season, we ask ourselves what have I been called to do? Am I walking in my divine purpose? I truly believe that as you read through the pages of this issue you will be both inspired and motivated to fulfill your call. We have some wonderful articles to help to cultivate you in your spiritual walk and to help you navigate through your personal spiritual seasons. I'm especially excited to announce that we will be hosting our first ever 'Woman You Are Called' conference with an array of Kingdom Minded women who will share their testimonies and words of encouragement to empower the younger generation. Find out more about these speakers in our special 'Meet the Speakers' feature. As always, special thanks to our contributors and to you all. Happy reading!

Tamika PuseySquire Prophetess Tamika Pusey-Squire Assitant Editor Women Empowering Women Magazine

EDITOR IN CHIEF JACQUELINE ANI ASSISTANT EDITOR TAMIKA PUSEY-SQUIRE CONTACT US magazine@empworedwoman.org.uk VISIT OUR WEBSITE www.wewmagazine.com Join Us On FACEBOOK

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SUMMER 2016 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

What's Inside

Summer 2016

CONTENTS Special Feature

Will The Real Prophets Please Stand Up

Woman Stepping Out!

10 20 28 30 34 40 45 48 52 58 63

Special Interview: Jacqueline Achu

Style

COVER

STORY

JACQUELINE ACHU This issue's Woman Stepping Out!

STAY CONNECTED Find Us On Facebook Women Empowering Women Magazine Tune In Kent Christian Radio - Every Thursday @ 11:00am for The Women Empowering Women Lifestyle Talk Show

The Kingdom Minded Woman’s Summer City Style It Only Matters if You Know It’s Good Public Relations A Necessary Skill Dear Future Mother In Law

u Have Yo ered? RegistY ou Are

Woman erence onf Called C 016 29 Oct 2

The King Maker

The Kingdom Minded Man

72 76 78

The Voice of the Father What Is Maturity The Porn Effect

Empowering the Younger Woman

Don’t Let a Man Steal Your Years

Wholeness Positive Talk

Raped as a Child Trusting God When Your Spouse Is In a Different Place Fluid Balance

Spiritual Etiquette

The Essence of True Worship

Knowing Your Spiritual Authority

E THIS ISSU IN O S L A Everyday..... another Chance (Poem) Book Corner (New Book) Woman You Are Called Conference 2016 - Meet The Speakers

88 89 91

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SUMMER 2016 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Special Feature

STANDING UNTIL THE

Promise Manifests By Prophetess Jacqueline Ani

here is something about standing in the midst of a circumstance and or challenge; as human beings, when we don’t understand the challenge we face, it’s easy to fall, be anxious, be fearful etc We live in a society where every issue or problem must have an immediate answer or solution, however if the solution is not quick in coming, we find it difficult to handle the length of time and the waiting period it takes for an answer or a strategy to present itself for the challenges we face, as a result any don’t know how to maintain a standing posture in the spiritual realm. Everything you do is first done in the spiritual realm, so our inner strength is

so that we can maintain a posture of standing in the spiritual realm; which will also dictate what we do in the natural realm. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armour so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. Ephesians 6:13 2 years ago I went through a major challenge in my life, I didn’t understand what was going on and I had no clue how to make it right immediately so that things can go back to normal. I was being threatened and the attack was against God’s blessing in my life. I remember a word God gave me through a mentee who was on the Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme....

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The word was short but had so much meaning and clarity.... “Continue to stand”.... that’s all it said and I understood. At the time I was faced with a decision, do I continue to submit to God’s direction in my life, or do I obey my husband which actually is being disobedient to God’s Word. The word I received meant that I should continue to stand in what God has told me to, even if it means I would lose my husband in the process. Another word for “Stand” is “Steadfast” further meanings includes the following: “Uncompromising”, “Postured”, “Focused”, “Purposed”....This has everything to do with the position of your spirit man in the supernatural, when it’s achieved in the supernatural, then you will become unwavering, uncompromising, in the natural, your face is set as flint and nothing, no one except you can remove you from that position....this is what I mean by STANDING. I had to stand on God’s direction in my life and what He told me and if my husband didn’t like it; he had to take it up with God and not me. Easy to say but it was extremely difficult as I faced so much oppression and pressure to

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conform to my husband’s desire. I wasn’t standing for my husband, neither was I standing for myself; rather I was standing for the next generation of people who were to take their positions too. God requires every forerunner to stand in Him in the trial/challenge, not to faint but to stand and that’s why it’s important for us to put on the whole armour of God daily, so that we can resist the enemies devices, he’s schemes, he’s devices and all that he does to make us fall in compromise. God’s leaders are tested in this one thing... standing to the end; standing until you see God’s Promise. There is something that happens when we stand in God’s word and His Promise, as we stand there is an exchange and God does what He Promises to do. Look at the scenario with Jacob and the Children of Israel, God promised that they would go into their promise land, the land He promised them; the land flowing with milk and honey through the River Jordan, but it would be on dry land, they will not have to swim to the Promise Land, they would walk in on dry land. They were instructed to set themselves apart

Special Feature

from every evil act, consecrate themselves and after 3 days make the move. The leaders where to step into the water carrying the Ark of the Lord and as they did this, God would then cut off the water that came upstream and the children would pass on dry land whilst the leaders stood in the water carrying the Ark. It took the leaders to stand as instructed so that God would cut of the water upstream; in standing there was an exchange and as God promised there crossing on dry land came to pass. Every Kingdom forerunner, leader, pioneer has to stand to the end to receive God’s promise. In my case I decided to stand in God, everything else was sinking sand and as the enemy would have it, he lead my husband to leave me to teach me a lesson, believing that would make me compromise and follow him and I didn’t, I maintained my posture in the spiritual realm, the enemy used all tactics to get me to change my posture, but I stood and just as God cut off the water coming upstream for the Children of Israel, the Lord cut off the enemy’s taunts, accusations and threats against me for standing and my husband who had left us for 16months came back without any word from me. My posture in the spiritual realm brought about an exchange and God was the Pioneer behind it all. As a society, we spend more time looking for a quick fit solution and the permanent result we want isn’t in a quick fit solution, how can we as Kingdom leaders tell the next generation what God is declare His Works in our lives if we compromise His instructions. God will test us to show us where our hearts are with Him, how far are you willing to go with Him when you’re being tested? Standing in what God promised until it manifest can be a real challenge, but it takes great faith, your weapons of warfare; worship and praise, and the full armour of God to see

Standing in what God promised until it manifests can be a real challenge, but it takes great faith. you through to the end. This you cannot get over night, it’s a discipline we acquire as we stand and not fall in compromise. It’s about time we start teaching and showing the younger generation how to stand without compromise,, such will increase their faith, prepare them to hear God, but most of all teach them how to be extremely intimate with God.

Prophetess Jacqueline Ani is the founder of Empowered Woman Ltd, programme director of The Mentoring Academy, author, speaker and radio show presenter and host.

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Women

Stepping Out SUMMER 2016 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Women Stepping Out!

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Jacqueline ACHU Interview with Prophetess Jacqueline Ani Editor-InChief, Women Empowering Women Magazine

came across Jacqueline Achu’s story on Facebook whilst watching the trailer to her movie Living Against All Odds, I thought to myself this woman has a life threatening disease and was able to make a movie about her life as she lives with the disease.

WEWM: Who is Jacqueline Achu? JA: Jacqueline Achu is a strong, independent, positive African Igbo Woman from the Eastern tribe of Nigeria, who has conquered many challenges and battles that life has thrown her way. Through the power of God’s hand upon her life she has managed to overcome through My interview with Jacqueline proved to be an exercising and activating her Faith in God's unforgettable and pleasant experience even as Word through Christ Jesus. the woman herself, and I realised, that her story should be used to empower women globally, Jacqueline Achu is first of all a child of God women who have been through domestic and a mother of three beautiful children. violence, rape, oppression and have died; and She confidently knows that her purpose and women who may still be going through the destiny are in God and she clings to Him for nightmare of their pains and misfortune, but guidance, relationship and support at every need someone to encourage them to heal and turn that she makes. Jesus truly is the master turn their story around and use it to set others of her life. free.... Jacqueline’s surname ‘Achu’ is a Igbo name by When you wake up the day you were diagnosed descent. She is not 100% sure of Achu’s true to die, what else are you waiting for, you throw meaning but believes it can be interpreted as yourself into you call and purpose and pray meaning ‘Who am I chasing?’ or ‘Who's after that many who connect with you are inspired me?’ to make their lives count for better. WEWM: What do you think purpose is? Jacqueline Achu story is a story of hope and she JA: Purpose is the ‘Why of your life!’ and that is our Woman Stepping Out! Summer Issue.... is something that I understand for my own life and my very own existence. The ‘why’ makes

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Women Stepping Out! you understand who you are and why you are the way that you are. I believe that God calls us to go through certain things so that He can showcase His glory in and through your life, in this earth realm. When you understand the why of your life, it makes it easier to overcome the challenges that you face daily. WEWM: What was your life like as a very young woman? JA: Growing up was so much fun up until the age of about 15-16yrs old. I was raised by my dad as I came from a single parented family. Of course I was a daddy’s girl mixed with being a bit of a tomboy too. So can you imagine, I could be troublesome at times mixed with being very playful too. I wasn’t a very feminine type of young woman growing up; but one day I did suddenly wake up and miraculously embrace my feminine side and I suddenly loved everything about being female and dainty; that was strange coming from me but I’ve never looked back.

I always believed in God and I was always aware of Him and His greatness. up in a Catholic Church and environment. God strongly ministered to me back then, that it was not about the church building I visit, but rather it is about the presence of God I carry and the God who lives inside of me.

WEWM: What is Lupus? JA: Lupus is when; your own immune system that was originally created to protect you now turns around to attack you. Lupus attacks everything, your organs, your tissues, your connective tissues, your muscles, WEWM: What did you want to be or become absolutely everything. Even down to attacking when you were younger? the skin too. JA: I wanted to become a lawyer so much and I admired women who were in authority, power WEWM: What are the symptoms like? and dressed accordingly to corporate fashion. JA: As a Woman of God I have gone through so I truly desired that someday I would be suited much in life that God has used this as a threshold and booted in all the posh business attire, but and barrier for me to be able to withstand the unfortunately life got in the way of my dream intense pain that I face daily. to become a lawyer and it never actually I am in constant pain all the time, but I am not materialised. ‘A victim of my illness’. Instead I opted for ‘Fine Arts, Counselling and You have to try and be positive because Lupus Mentoring. takes away everything that you are. WEWM: What was your belief system then as a young woman? JA: I always believed in God and I was always aware of Him and His greatness. I acknowledged that He was ALMIGHTY and this was very significant in my reasoning and little understanding that I had. I knew strongly that if there was anything thing that I wanted from God, I could just ask Him and He would do it. This enabled me to trust in God easily even though I had originally been raised

SUMMER 2016 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

The symptoms are very vast, it differs in every individual. Some people have Lupus on there skin and some have Lupus internal. I have the SLE - Systemic Lupus which is the internal Lupus that attacks organs, tissues, muscles...etc I also have what they call the ‘Wolf Mark’ from my chin downwards to my jaw, which is like a birthmark that goes black, so if you see me from afar you would think that I have a beard. There is also a type of Lupus known as the

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Women Stepping Out! two you are pain free and then suddenly you are transported into the opposite extreme of intense, excruciating pain that can even make you feel as if you are dying. People can even think you are faking it because of how up and down the symptoms are. Only God Himself can handle this deadly disease and turn your story into a walking miracle like mine. God is able to do the impossible! Regardless of the added symptoms of losing her hair around three times per year due to Lupus, Jacqueline Achu still rest peacefully in God knowing that the strands of her hair is in the hands of her master, King Jesus!

‘Butterfly Mark’ too. Other symptoms of Lupus are extreme tiredness to the point of not being able have the energy to evan be able to blink your eyelids. This includes rashes, sore throat, flu symptoms, weakness of joints, aches and pains, mouth ulcers, migraines, dehydration and miscarriages. Lupus can also attack your kidneys, lungs and your heart too, even causing you to have a heart attack. Although the symptoms can look at first like you are having a normal flu, Lupus is deemed as terminal and incurable. Although you are always in some sort of pain, there are times when for one short minute or

SUMMER 2016 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

WEWM: How did the disease change your life? Jacqueline Achu is in pain at all times depending on where the lupus decides to attack her body, but by God's grace you would never know. Despite having Lupus Jacqueline Achu has purposed in her heart that she would never blame God or have pity upon herself in a way that would ever transfer blame onto others or God. Regardless of being diagnosed with Lupus and all the negative attributes that come with it, Jacqueline continues to startle doctors and professionals as they try and concluded if she is the correct client because of how amazing she looks. Outwardly she doesn’t fit the bill, but her amazing strength truly comes down to King Jesus being on the throne of her life. He truly is her ever present help and source of strength. Jacqueline Achu keeps positive despite having to take 46 tablets per day to help her beat Lupus and counteract the attack this disease places upon the body daily. At one point things got so bad in Jacqueline Achu’s life due to Lupus that the medics had exhausted every avenue and concluded that there was nothing else that they could do. She was given only 3 days to live being told she was suppose to die on the 26th of September 2005. Having made all her funeral arrangements and prepared all the necessary arrangements for her burial, she told the medics to not resuscitate her if complications were to arise whilst she was in a coma and on a life support machine. For

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3 days whilst Jacqueline Achu was in a coma she had a dream that she believes the meaning was actually God giving her a second chance of life. It was from that dream of being on a bus and the bus turning around from its original journey and changing direction completely was when she awoke from her 3 day coma. Glory be to God! WEWM: When where you initially diagnosed with Lupus? JA: A week after I had my baby and my husband left me, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when the symptoms of Lupus and extreme tiredness and pain began. Then the distinctive dark Lupus Wolf Mark began to appear shortly after that. Then at that point onwards, I began to get weaker and weaker to the extent that I could not lift my arms and I could hardly blink. I went from being slim to a size 22 instantly because of being given steroids to manage my Lupus. The bigger I grew the weaker I became because my body couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t handle the weight gain and the symptoms of Lupus all at once. I ended up confined to a wheelchair for two years because of this and I even became bedridden at one point. Despite all the different symptoms and what I went through daily, it still took the professionals 2yrs to diagnose me with Lupus. Coupled with the fact that I had a baby to take care of and raise with love and care. The horrors of married life Jacqueline Achu has currently been divorced for 5yrs and endured countless physical, mental and emotional abuse and severe violent beatings from her husband. There was one encounter that her husband had handed himself to the police station asking to be deported back to Nigeria because he had believed he had killed his wife when in actual fact she had been beaten until she had passed out and was unconscious. Despite all of this, when the police came to her home she still tried to protect the dignity of her husband and shunned the help and interference of the police in order not to dishonour her African cultural preferences, of respecting men

based on tradition. If Jacqueline Achu could repeat history she would not have tolerated the minute mistreatments and personal digs that her husband of then constantly threw her way. No woman deserves to be beaten, mistreated or mishandled. Now she realised her position as a child of God and knows that she deserves God's very best

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16 | Women Stepping Out! and that involves being treated with the love and likeness of Christ Jesus. Jacqueline’s ex husband has never had any true remorse and does not accept responsibility that his actions were a trigger for Lupus starting in her life. WEWM: How did your life start after the Lupus diagnosis? JA: There was one occasion that my children had gone to school and I couldn’t walk or move. I contemplated how I was going cook dinner and I concluded that life must go on, so I crawled to a chair, carefully lifted myself up, sat on the chair and cooked dinner before the children arrived back from school. In relation to her children, Jacqueline has had to use Godly Wisdom when it comes to exposing them to the challenges that she faces with Lupus daily. I have to think ahead, plan ahead and rest when necessary in order to not get overwhelmed with responsibilities and the load of life. I always carry with me a foldable walking stick that I use frequently and I also have my wheelchair which is my emergency backup. This whole experience has definitely enabled Jacqueline to get closer to God, resting and trusting in God more than ever before. She boldly declares that ‘I am striving because of what God can do!’ WEWM: What is Lupus Healthcare Foundation all about? JA: I did not know what Lupus was about and I had heard that there was no cure from it and so I remembered my cousin that previously had died, all those years back in Nigeria and how he also passed through some of the same symptoms of what I was going through today. If I was living in Nigeria with Lupus like my cousin I could have also died.. So the foundation idea is an opportunity for me to educate and inform the African about the disease and how to manage it and dispel the notion that its linked to someone doing witchcraft and releasing

SUMMER 2016 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

curses on them. The education awareness involves Lupus being detected by understanding the early warning symptoms. Jacqueline initial strategy is to bring the Lupus awareness into the government of Nigeria, to get official backing and support. WEWM: What further projects has been birthed from your challenge? JA: I have written a book and produced a movie called ‘Living Against The Odds.’ The movie is set to be released in cinemas Nigeria this year. This is one way of reaching and educating the Nigerian people on a larger scale because we are a nation who loves storytelling and we love watching a lot of movies. I then plan to go into the rural areas because of their financial limitations and resources to

Women Stepping Out! target the minority and educate them so that they can break out from using old herbalist traditions and become aware of the symptoms of Lupus in order to save lives, rather than give herbs that can assist in making Lupus worst. There is a lot of work to be done in Nigeria on all levels regarding changing perceptions and educating people from their very roots and foundations that can be deemed as ignorant which leads to negligence.

heart conquered.

WEWM: You are an inspirational woman with a vision, how do you see your vision progressing? JA: I also plan to educate those in the Christian community who think only that pain, sickness, aches, diseases...etc is from the devil. Sometimes we go through these things because God is preparing us for something greater.

WEWM: There are many women who have been diagnosed with a terrible disease and can’t seem to go on with life, what is your advice to them who don’t seem to rise up? JA: I would say that it is not the person's fault but rather Satan trying use their situation to distract them from who they are in God! The enemy’s purpose is to have their affliction override their Spirit. When we get to a weak point we should remember that God is God of the mountains, and of the hills and of the valleys. So when we hit that low we must recall that if God can move mountains, He can sustain me. I see healing as also being able, to live successfully with whatever your diagnosis that you have.

If I did not pass through this I could not come and tell you to be encouraged. I could not come and tell you it is going to be okay. My message for going through this now is that God’s strength is made perfect in weakness. Just like Job passed through sickness. God was saying ‘Have you considered Job?’ God was actually bragging to Satan about Job. So why should I moan when I could be lifting God high in this area of my life. I am looking to carry this vision forward into other countries such as India the Caribbean Islands and America too, because Lupus is predominately within these cultures and it also affects 98% of women between the ages of 15 - 55 yrs old. Men do contract Lupus but it is far less than women. I am going bring awareness about Lupus with my testimony for as long as God will permit me to do so. WEWM: What do you need for your vision to succeed? JA: Of course we need money and that is why we are appealing to the people of God and people with resources. They can support us as little as they can or as big as they can. No offering is too little for God. Every heart that we touch is a soul saved and a

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WEWM: What would be your definition of a Kingdom Minded Woman? JA: A Kingdom Minded Woman is a Builder! God himself is a nurturing Father and He has put the desire in us to want to nurture others. You may not have children and still be a nurturer but you have to have God to nurture effectively so that you can become a good builder!

WEWM: What would you say your defining moment is? JA: That would be when I woke up from my 3 day coma! Waking up from the doctor's report and deadline of death was the ultimate defining ‘Beating all the Odds’ moment for me. You can’t get better than that. Glory be to God! WEWM: How can our readers look out for your work and Movie? JA: The moment we do the premiere back home in Nigerian and bring the movie out into the cinema’s, I will then be searching for a sponsorship to bring it out here in the UK. Also we have plans to release the movie out on DVDs.

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HER Style

• • •

Fashion Style Confidence

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SUMMER 2016 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style

Summer

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The Kingdom Minded Woman's

CITY STYLE By Ayoola Bandele

ello Empowered Woman! How is your summer going? Are you feeling the summer vibes? The brighter day, lighter mood and every other side effects of the summer sunshine have got me in the mood for fresh new looks and city style. We all know that an empowered woman has a bright mind, wears her positive attitude at all times and she is a lady with class. I came across this quote recently which encapsulate an empowered woman summer city style; ‘I am a girl with a mind. A woman with an attitude and a lady with class’ – unknown author. For her style, an empowered woman who though intelligent, unique and invulnerable in her exploits must have a mindfulness to be sassy, her attitude must be classy and she must dress in a way that makes the right statement at all times. In this issue her summer city style is sorted with class. In collaboration with Jsapphira and their timeless classy collection, I give you stylish, clean, fresh, exciting looks www.wewmagazine.com

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BLACK & WHITE

Keep your look fresh, classy and minimal. Black and white is the best style for this look and you can also freshen up the look in colours that appeal to the eyes. You may have heard this quote; ‘Dress like you are already famous’, famous successful people always keep their look minimal. You will often find them in fresh classy black and white. So for the empowered woman summer city look, keep it fresh and keep it minimal.

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Her Style

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SUMMER CITY STYLE TIPS

“Fresh, classy and minimal”

DRESSES

Invest in classy, easily transformative, comfortable, easy to wear dresses. Edith Head once said that "A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to prove you're a lady." Every woman wants to be empowered by successful women and one of the best way to do it is through your look. Wear a classy blazer over these dresses for the office or business meetings and you are bound to empower others with your look.

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CLASSIC SHIRTS

Invest in clothes that double up for the office and after office dinners. A classic white shirt is easy to transform from day to dinner and as Tim Gunn once said; "A classic white shirt is the ne plus ultra of elegance and good taste". With intricate sleeve details and or lace panelling, these shirts will double up for the office and dinner wear.

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STRIPES Do Stripes for the weekend. What do you have in mind to wear for the weekend? Stripes are perfect for creating balanced body shape proportions. These stripes are perfect for work or for dinner. Pair it with skinny jeans, shorts or for a sexy night out.

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Her Style

Style Your Silhouette OUR SERVICE Bringing about inside-out transformation and supporting you to achieve body confidence. We believe if you can see your vision, believe it, then we can style you to achieve your goals. We work with our clients to discover personal style, embrace inherent qualities, achieve self-confidence and maximize their potentials in becoming a woman of worth.We can work with you no matter your goals or budget. Our clients are not limited to individuals and organisations looking for image makeovers. We

also work with graduates transitioning from Universities and moving into the corporate world, we work alongside professionals and prepare their image for executive positions, we work with new mums returning to work, speakers and preachers, and public figures are also our clients. SPECIALTIES Color analysis, personal styling, personal shopping, wardrobe management and delivering workshops on image.

Ayoola Bandele at Style Your Silhouette W: www.styleyoursilhouette.com T: 07428446994 E: styleyoursilhouette@gmail.com Instagram: @styleyoursilhouette Twitter: @styleyoursilhouette Facebook: @styleyoursilhouette ÂŠStyle Your Silhouette Image Consultancy 2015. All Rights Reserved.

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28 | Her Style

It Only Matters If YOU KNOW IT'S

GOOD

By Lisa N. Alexander

hear a lot of people, women in particular waffle between do I promote myself or should I “let my gift make room for me?” These women lack the confidence to articulate their strengths in the marketplace and thereby lose potential revenue. I used to be one of those women. Key words…used to. I discovered that the closed

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mouth doesn’t get fed. And that doesn’t go against scripture either. The bible says you have not because you ask not. As women we must be confident in our callings and gifts. Confident in the one who called us and gifted us and is producing through us. Of course we do our part and perfect the call and gift through study and practice.

Her Style But we must see the value in what we bring to the table. The Proverbs 31 woman is held in high esteem for all she accomplished and rightly so. This was a business woman. She handled her house well. She knew how to delegate and didn’t wait for anything to happen. There’s one verse that stood out to me while studying. The first part of verse 18 says, “She perceiveth that her merchandise is good.” She KNOWS the work of her hand is good. Think about that for a moment. She knew she had good merchandise. No one had to tell her or convince her. She knew. And if I do a bit of eisegesis (read into the text) no one could short change her or rob her blind because she knew the value of her work and was able to defend it, argue for it.

She Perceives Her Merchandise Is Good Are you convinced that the thing God has called you to produce is good? Can you articulate that truth and defend it? Can you ask for fair compensation for it? Again the bible says that the workman is worthy of their hire…meaning you should get paid! You’ve got to put a dollar amount to it, you can’t be afraid to ask for the cash. If you don’t, you betta believe people will take advantage of you. I was watching some program and it tested the reaction of men and women in like situations. The study’s participants were told they would get up to $20 for answering a set of questions. There was even a big poster on the

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wall that restated this fact. At the end of the questioning, they were all given five bucks. The women without fail took the money and left. The men however, asked for the 20. The sign said up to $20; they wanted to know why they weren’t getting the full 20. The women never asked and they had every right to. You have to see your own value. You have to know you’re worth the $20 and not the $5 they gave you. You have to have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours. The bible also teaches us to be as wise as serpents and gentle as doves. That means you have to be smart in your business dealings. The man who knew he was about to get fired went and cut deals with the folk who owed his master is applauded by Jesus for being a smart businessman. Jesus applauded the man’s hustle. You have to perceive that your own merchandise is good. Ladies, you betta know or no one else will. If you don’t know, you won’t create the Facebook business page, you won’t build a Website, you won’t buy the vendor booth at the big convention, you won’t make the video and put it up on YouTube, you won’t apply for the loan, you won’t collaborate with other business owners, you just won’t. Because you don’t perceive your merchandise is good. You betta know. You must know. God wants you to know and be confident of His Spirit at work in you. And when you’re fully persuaded, when you’re confident in the one working through you…don’t be afraid to ask for what’s due to you.

Lisa N. Alexander is the author and founder of This Woman Knows and Put It Out There! 5 Steps to Kick Fear’s Butt and Move Your Dream Forward. She is a motivational speaker, marketing consultant and short-film creator. She speaks on topics ranging from women’s empowerment to successfully marketing your business and uses her wit and humor to inform and entertain audiences. For booking information please visit www.LisaNAlexander.com.

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Public Relations

A Necessary Skill

By Marcia Dixon

ny Christian charity, ministry or church seeking to fulfil the Great Commission, outlined in Matthew 28, to share the gospel and impact the world through Christian service should devise and implement a PR strategy. PR entails communicating the ethos, aims and objectives of an organisation to their target audiences, so that they are aware of what the organisation does, why they do it and how people will benefit from what they do. In my opinion,it’s imperative for Christian organisations to utilise PR, primarily because they have an awesome message to spread, they provide much needed services and must find effective ways to tell the world about it. Organisations that don’t do PR do themselves and the people they are called to reach a disservice because if they don’t devise a strategy to make their target audience aware of what they do, how will people find out?

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Scripture even alludes to this fact. “How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!’Romans 10:14-15

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PR Strategy Components When devising a PR strategy, ensure it includes the following: •

A list of the key objectives your organisation is seeking to achieve

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The details of the target audience you want to reach

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The PR tools you will use to achieve your objectives, e.g. leaflets, social media, newsletters

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The media outlets you will utilise details of how you’ll measure whether you’ve attained your communications objectives or not

When devising a PR strategy, it’s important to note thatyou’ll have to communicate with those people who are part of your church/ charity/ministry, as well as your target audience andthe groups with which you already interact or are desirous to forge relationships with.

Many people think that PR entails getting media coverage in publications, TV, radio or internet media.

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32 | Her Style Important PR tools Many people think that PR entails getting media coverage in publications, TV, radio or internet media. Whilst media coverage is an important component of PR, it’s not the whole story. There’s a range of PR tools that can be used to achieve PR objectives. These include the following:WRITTEN MATERIAL: Leaflets, Newsletters, Brochures, Magazines, Pamphlets, Books, E-Books EVENTS: Seminars, Workshops, Receptions, Launches, Church Services, Speaking Engagements, Conferences, Convocations, Anniversary Celebrations, Concerts MEDIA RELATIONS: Press releases, videos, DVDs, CDs, Podcasts INTERNET: Websites, Blogs, Emails, SOCIAL MEDIA:Facebook, Twitter, Google+, YouTube, Periscope The PR tools chosen will be very much dependent upon your budget and how effective you consider them to be in reaching and communicating with your target audience. Sometimes the best PR tools for you are discovered via trial and error, others you’ll just know instinctively.

PR Must Haves There are some things that anyone serious about PR must have which are outlined below: DATABASE – Information about your target audience is a must, so it makes sense to have a system in place where your organisation can recordcontact details (i.e. email, mobile phone number, postal address) of everyone they interact with. This information will form a database which can be used to send out information about the ministry.

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WEBSITE – Ministries/charities/churches must have an internet presence. Having a website gives the general public an opportunity to learn about your organisations, the services and products you provide as well as purchase any material that you sell. SOCIAL MEDIA – All ministries should have a social media presence – even if it’s just a Facebook page – and someone should be given the responsibility to keep your social media information up to date. Your social media addresses should be listed on all your publicity materials so that people can easily access you on your various social media platforms. EVENTS – Events are not only important in helping to develop a sense of community amongst Christians, they can be used as part of a PR strategy to convey key messages or elicit support for key initiatives. For example, instead of advertising for volunteers at the main Sunday service, why not organise a special Open Day, where people interested in joining a ministry can hear first-hand what being a volunteer entails? You’ll most probably get a bigger sign-up.

Why PR? If there’s one reason why many ministries and organisations don’t achieve their goals and

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Many of the world’s leading ministries have achieved their success due to implementing a PR strategy. objectives, it’s because they don’t have an accompanying PR strategy. Many of the world’s leading churches/ ministries/charities have achieved their success due to implementing a PR strategy. If they didn’t promote who they are and what they do, it is unlikely that they would have achieved success. It makes sense to take a strategic approach to promoting what you do. If you don’t you’re unlikely to achieve the success you deserve.

Marcia Dixon is a journalist and founder of Marcia Dixon Public Relations a company that specialises in working with organisation keen to reach faith communities. Visit www. marciadixonpr.co.uk for more information or email info@ marciadixonpr.co.uk

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PR Resources Here are some ideas about free/ inexpensive PR tools you can use to promote who you are and what you do. • Websites - Here are some websites you can visit to create your own website for little or no cost wix.com, moonfruit.com, wordpress.com •

Blog - Write a regular blog about your area of expertise – There’s numerous sites you can access to start a free blog. Click on link http://bit. ly/1QHS25M for a list of 10 blogging platforms

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Video - Make a video on your smart phone/tablet and upload on social media platforms

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Social Media - Use social media to promote your business/charity/ ministry or share a message

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Network - Network with others online and/or in the real world

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Publicity Material - Use free online tools to create a leaflet/publicity materials -Visit canva.com

And if you don’t want to design your own leaflet and use the services of a professional instead try www. fiver.co.ukThe designers really do charge just £5 to do a leaflet design job.

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34 | Her Style

Dear future Mother in Law

Do Not Allow Culture to Get in the Way Of Love Over God’s Plan By Zoe A. Onah

ear future Mother in Law, I greet you warmly in the Name of the Lord.

I want to start by paying respect to you as a mother. Raising kids in particular sons is a noble calling. Wow, people think motherhood is a walk in the park. It certainly is not, but we thank God that He is there to guide us all. Mama, I don't want you to take this the wrong way. This is no dig. How could I, being a lady myself? I know you have invested so much into your son. I know you want the best for you son. It is always the mums that do the training. The Bible says in Proverbs 15:20 how a wise son brings joy to the father, a foolish one shame to the mother. How so true, it seems the dads take all the credit and when things go wrong….well! Now mama, let’s get to the point. Your son wants to settle down. And you are quite eager too, right? But it has to be with the right woman. Of course, that is to be expected. Mama, I know you are a woman after God’s heart. You have certainly trained your son in the ways of the Lord; just see how he loves

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God. Because of your heart is for the things of God, hence I know you will find this letter will minister to your heart today. There is this young lady whom your son likes. You can tell by how that glint in his eyes light up every time her name is mentioned. But mama, you are just not having it. Why, mama? You have made it plain that one reason is because she has a child! I know that constantly plays in your mind… The lady has a child. The lady has a child. Like some kind of mocking mantra. It is the first thing you think of when her name crosses your mind. Am I right or am I so right? I am writing to you on behalf a few good sisters mama. A few good eligible sisters who are wife material but like other mamas, you just can’t see it because your cultural eyes has been blinded. Mama please, why is it that a woman who has a kid out of wedlock automatically becomes unsuitable for your darling son? Mama, would you not agree that we all make mistakes? But sometimes mama, friends can influence our decisions. They may even tell you the girl is a harlot, or imply she is spoilt goods. Harsh words mama, to describe a

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fellow believer. I know you desire for your son is to have this untouched, ‘decent’ girl for your son. Of course, why not mama? That is how God intended that certain things only be allowed within the confines of marriage. But think of Rahab. She was a harlot, the real one that makes money from indecent living. But repentance made her a noble woman. And our Jesus actually came from her line! Mama, would you have allowed your son to marry Rahab if you lived in those times? Probably not. Not many mamas would anyway, so don’t think I am singling you out. But think how your son would have missed big in the lineage of the greatest family then? There is even a farfetched story in the Bible of a prophet Hosea, who God told to marry a prostitute. Would you believe the prostitute even left the prophet and not just that, God told Hosea to find said prostitute and BUY her back? The man had to pay money to reconcile with a wandering wife! Difficult to imagine but check it out in Hosea 3, mama! This shows God’s grace and kindness. It highlights God’s plan over man’s plan, even when He does not make sense. Now, I know there is no

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Remember you were young like them once mama. comparison between the lady of interest here for your son, and Hosea’s wife, but mama, I am just painting a picture for you to see that often we look at things through cobweb eyes. Cobwebs only distort our vision, and makes us miss our way. Yes mama. All that glitters is not gold. We got to forget what friends and family will say and do what God says. This lady has the pastor's approval. She absolutely loves God. Why allow culture to get in the way of God’s will? And yes, I am also aware she is Yoruba. You being a good stock Igbo lady, you certainly can't allow it. Why mama? Yes, mama,

Her Style everyone frowns when their kid marries outside their own. But you are different mama. Once we become born again our lineage is not from our genetic family any longer but from Jesus. Yes mama, we are all made of the same stock now. We all have the same Zion passport no matter which part of the earth we come from when we become God’s kids. Yes we are all in God's Kingdom now mama. There is no Jew or Gentile among us now. We are all born of God. So mama, again don't make something an issue that need not be. Let people talk. It is your son's future. You say, how will he eat his favourite food? There is YouTube mama. The wife can learn from the videos there! Don’t manufacture excuses mama. You got to do what God is prompting in your heart. After all whoever your son marries, he will leave and cleave to. And mama, the ‘leave and cleave’ bit is also in the Bible. You got to cut the apron strings and allow another woman to be the centre of attention of your son. Hey mama, you can't be thinking you will be visiting their home, as and when too, checking how things are run? Remember you were young like them once mama. You did not like it when it was done to you. Someone can be the agent of change, and that someone can be YOU. And, I have to get this one in too…you were not already planning the ‘bringing forth

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children’ deadlines, number of kids the family would expect, and the pressure to bring forth a grandson? Oh, I almost did not mention this. The lady in question is also 34 years old. Mama, even though your son is the same age, you think he should be looking for a younger lady. Mama, the truth is, this is all cultural thinking once again. Why does 34 seem old to you? God renews our youth like the eagle. And a 34 year old lady can produce children. Even a 44 year old can! Sarah was 90 and did. And the Word says God is the same. You would agree that it is better your son has an Isaac than an Ishmael. This is how sometimes culture can interfere with our Christianity and take us out of the will of God. Mama...I know you have been thinking long and hard on all these things. And in your heart, you know the Holy Spirit has been nudging you on these things. Stop the sleepless nights. Allow God to work his purpose in your son. After all he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. You want favour for your son, mama? Then do the right thing and say YES! Love and blessings A mama

Zoe A. Onah was born to write. She is the author of DEFYING THE ODDS - One man's struggle and victory over mental illness and his wife whose trust in God never failed. Zoe met her husband, Eze, in the 14th year of his tumultuous journey with mental illness and 4 years later, he defied the odds with a clean medical bill of no mental illness. Zoe and her husband are not shy to share their experiences and have over 320 blog posts on their 2 year old website on www.defyingmentalillness.com. Their website is a great blogging site for mental and emotional topics especially from a Christian grounding. (Zoe has an amazing mother in law who thinks the world of Zoe!).

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HER Wholeness

• • •

Mind Body Soul

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POSITIVE TALK

want to share and expose some negative esteem issues that are often hidden or nor spoke about. One thing I have learned about being around the right people is when you are honest about who you are, they will build you and encourage you. Honesty around the wrong people can make you feel alone and ridiculed. So there are some tough lessons that life offers and I hope these words will encourage you. Never mind what others say about you..... It’s time to kick out every word that is no use to you. What do you say to yourself and more importantly, what does God say about you?

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Dispelling Negative Esteem Thoughts By Helen Le Paul

GOD SAYS “You are more than a conqueror through Christ who strengthens you” (Romans 8:37) GOD SAYS “You can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Phillipians 14:3) He promises that ‘Casting all you cares upon him; for he will give you perfect peace’ (Peter 5:7)

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• There may be times when your past mistakes try to determine who you are • People who misunderstand you and try to tell you who you are • The way people have treated you tries to determine who you are • Circumstances and background try to label you Through Jesus we are given a chance to wipe the slate clean and start over and from there on, you belong to God so it what he says and his promises matter. Confidence and a powerful self-image stems from the conclusions you have reached about yourself. It can be based on hereditary, your environment, social and self directed conditioning.

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Check your self talk we all have an inner dialogue which is what we say to ourselves. It is so important to nurture yourself, if we don’t we could end up with low self esteem. That means what we think and say about ourselves is important as there is no condemnation in Christ. You may be living with echoes repeating themselves of the negative things people have said in the past, these cruel words could have even come from family members or other people who feel they have a free license to hurt you. Guess what? Today is a new day and you have the victory as you are more than a conqueror through Christ who strengthens you. So let’s begin with examining what you think about yourself. Looking in the mirror – who do you see? Let’s identify every negative belief you have about yourself and workout where it came from. For example, just because you weren’t good enough at school at a subject does not mean you aren’t good at it today. Who told you that you would never amount to anything? There comes a time in order to live affectively, confidently and contently that these old thoughts need to go. If your thoughts are “I always attract the wrong people” – Break the cycle today, exchange toxic people for positive role models and those who will encourage you and help you build your confidence. It’s true to say that what we say to

ourselves is what our subconscious believes. I’m sure though some people may

not admit it, we all have gremlins telling us all sorts of nonsense contrary to what we are trying to do. There is an art that I call self defence, where I have learnt to elbow these negative thoughts that try to interrupt my positive thought

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42 | Her Wholeness patterns. I don’t mind admitting that at times I have experienced this, as once its exposed it can be dealt with accordingly. Let’s look at some limiting words and phrases an alter them to empowering phrases I can’t do that

I ‘m going to learn how to do that

Life is a struggle

life is an adventure

I hope

I know

If only I did

next time I will do

It’s terrible

it’s a learning curve

The words on the right are empowering, yet not dissimilar to those on the left.

Mind Your Language Next time if you catch yourself saying something loaded with self pity, stop yourself and replace it with something more empowering. Communication Everyone is unique, therefore will have their own unique way of understanding and communicating and at times it’s not what we say, but how we are understood. No one is exempt from inner doubts sometimes referred to as ‘Brain ants . The key to good conversations is when listening , try to remain in a neutral position not judging and to always do your best to make the person who your speaking with feel comfortable. Declarations Isaiah 55:11 “So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.” What you declare over your life is powerful – I can give you many examples of things that have positively been declared over my life

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which have come to pass. I challenge you to stand in front of the mirror every morning firstly thanking and appreciating God for your life and then declaring great things over your life. E.g. I can do all things through Christ who will give me strength and wisdom to handle every situation. I am strong and healthy and blessed, I will achieve my hearts desires and God we lead me. ‘No weapon formed against me shall prosper.’ Isaiah 54:17 ‘I declare right now - great connections and the right people around me.’ ‘My joy is my strength and I am filled with joy, sadness is not my portion.’ Use the Word of God to reinforce your declarations. Hebrews 4:12 NKJV “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints.” I hope this all helps and I look forward to hearing some powerful testimonies. Please tune in Thursday 9pm -11pm and Saturdays 10 am to midday (GMT) to Helen Le Paul on ugnradio.com and ugnjamz.com

Helen Le Paul is the co Director of UGN Radio and has spent 30 years in the media industry, very quickly advancing into management for most of those years; across newspapers, business magazines, radio and national consumer titles. Helen is passionate about sharing experience and developing people new to the industry. She has assisted the development of IPC Media's exciting 2 week induction program, and helping young people achieve their career goals. Working with 60 plus leading brands and audiences, these are exciting times, as we are serving audiences through print and fast evolving digital offerings.

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RAPED AS A CHILD Part One By Nina Ndubuisi

“Rape victims NEVER GET OVER IT!! No matter how long ago it’s been, how much counselling they’ve had etc. That feeling of “dirt”, “self-blame”, “guilt” and the memories of the experience …. NEVER EVER GO AWAY!!!”

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have decided to share my experience in the hope that it might give someone some inspiration; someone who might have gone through a similar experience but has never had a voice to speak up or was never believed when they did have the courage to speak up. I want to give hope to someone who thinks that their life, since the awful incident, is over and they do not deserve the right to live, due to feeling dirty. Someone who wakes up every night in a cold sweat as they keep having nightmares, reliving the awful event. The feeling of guilt persists, as “we” (victims of rape) always think we are to blame; maybe we should not have dressed so provocatively or gone down the dark alley alone, maybe we should have fought back or screamed louder; all the maybes and if onlys. But one thing I have finally come to accept, over the last couple of years, is that it was not my fault and there was nothing I could have done to prevent it from happening. And there is life after RAPE/SEXUAL ABUSE.

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There is life after rape/ sexual abuse. I was six years old when my biological mother died. I was in foster care at the time but after my mother’s death my step-father decided to uproot me from the only stability I seemed to have and took me to live with him in London. He later decided to “ship me” back to Nigeria. It was during the two to three-year period that I lived in London under my step-father’s roof that the sexual abuse started. It was not from him but from his friends who used to visit, following the death of our mother, under the pretext of coming to see if “we” were all

Her Wholeness okay. These “uncles” used to visit when my step-father was not around. We had a nanny who was brought from Nigeria to look after us at the time and she used to leave me to my fate, in the hands of these “uncles”, while she went upstairs with them to do whatever it was adults do behind closed doors. My step-father was the scariest person I had ever come across and I lived in utter fear of him, as he never hesitated in pulling off his belt and lashing me with it at the slightest provocation. I remember once when I had a nasty cough and my persistent cough seemed to be irritating him, he insisted that I stopped coughing and I almost choked while trying to hold the cough in. When I could not hold the cough in any longer I let it out and he asked me if I had coughed, I quickly shook my head saying it was a sneeze. Uttering those words sent me into a coughing frenzy and before I knew it, my feet were dangling in the air as he

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grabbed me by my two ears and pulled me into the air, before letting me down and giving me a resounding slap for lying. This was just one incident. All these “uncles” who used to visit knew how scared I was of my step-father and they used this to their advantage. I was always told to come and sit on their laps like a good little girl and given sweets to keep me quiet (I guess that’s where my weight issues stemmed from). I remember them jiggling me about on their laps and holding me tight whilst I popped sweets into my mouth and after they had finished their business they would threaten to tell my step-father that I had been a naughty girl if I dared to tell on them. I knew what that meant. This carried on for a while, until the day “It” happened; the day that I can never ever forget, the day that ruined my life and made me develop a phobia for having anything inserted in my private part……(To be continued)

Nina Ndubuisi is married with 3 children and one grandchild. She was born in the UK, she lost her mum when she was just 6 years old and was sent to live with her grandparents in Nigeria where she spent most of her formative years. She is a qualified nurse and midwife but left that to follow her passion - working with people with learning disabilities and mental health issues enabling them to live within their community and ensuring they live a full and active life. Nina's childhood was full of misery from, sexual, emotional and physical abuse. She is very transparent when it comes to talking about her past as she believes that by telling her story can help and inspire others. In 2012, she was challenged by a consultant orthopaedic surgeon to lose weight after being morbidly obese for most of her adult life. She decided to take up the challenge and lost over 60kg in 18 months. Being the transparent person that she is, she shared her weight loss journey on social media with thousands of followers. She was urged by some of her followers to set up her own weight loss company to help others with weight issues. After much persuasion, she launched her own weight loss company: Slim with ease a weight loss plan that is designed for Africans as the plan is based on the African diet. www.slimwithease.guru

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TRUSTING GOD WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS IN A DIFFERENT

Spiritual Place By Kathy DeGraw

rust in the Heavenly Father is what needs to manifest while you are hoping for your spouse to change. Trust and faith are interchangeable when you read the Bible. You can actually take the two words and insert them into each other’s place where they are listed in the scriptures. Trust and faith is what it takes when you are desperately longing for your spouse and you to be unified in Christ. As the founder of a ministry the second most common asked question or prayer request (the first is about finances) is women desiring for their husbands to change spiritually. Trusting God can be difficult when believing for a radical change in a person you love, when you are hoping in something that you haven’t seen manifest in the past. Doubt can enter in and make you weary when you have been in the same situation for a long time. Weariness, heaviness and even control can manifest when you are drastically hoping for change. When we look at the state of the church it is obvious that the church is filled with more women than men. We see women coming to church alone, while men stay home on Sunday

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mornings, not having the desire to attend. (I know in some cases it is the other way around.) When women have a desire to go to church and get involved and grow spiritually this can cause dissension and dissatisfaction in a marriage. As a woman continues to grow in their spiritual walk and the man remains stagnant, the woman can become discontent with where her husband is or is not spiritually. Her desire to see him grow and get involved in the things of God can become manipulating and controlling in nature. When this happens a woman will activate conversations in attempt to draw her husband into a spiritual walk that he is not yet ready. The wife can begin nagging her husband on what he should and should not be doing spiritually. The woman is unhappy with their marriage and doesn’t know how to proceed forth when they are at two different spiritual levels. As I minister to women I consistently hear the same complaint about the husbands. What I want to convey to women is that our husband’s spiritual walk is not up to us, but to them. We cannot force or coerce someone into a spiritual walk. Just like losing weight,

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a person truly can’t lose weight until they want it for themselves, so it is with our spiritual walks. We cannot do it for them, and they cannot do it for us. They have to want it for themselves. How do you be content while waiting for your spouse to walk along side you spiritually? You need to know when to open your mouth and have gentle seed planting conversations and when you need to stay silent. Staying silent is what I call, letting God be God. As women we have a tendency to want to control and force the issue. We know how good it feels to have the presence of the Lord upon us

When we example a life of Christ, obedience and discipline we can be contagious Christians. and we desire it for everyone. We can’t understand why someone wouldn’t want that. We have to take our control, agenda and ideas of how it should appear out of the situation and allow God to be God. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to convict our husbands instead of us controlling, judging and

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trying to manipulate them into what we think is best for them. Our husbands are not our responsibility to grow spiritually. Everyone has their own responsibility and all will stand before the Lord someday and give an account if they knew Him and lived their life for Him and produced fruit. You (ladies) will be held accountable and your men (husbands) will be held accountable for theirs. You have to take the burden of responsibility off of yourself, when you do, that may be the very thing that ignites your spouse to live fully for the Lord. If you were to ask a man, one of the last things they want is, for their wife to nag them. It is when we stop nagging and live a life for Christ that they will see by example and discover they too want this life of peace and love you have. Each time you are praying, worshiping or reading your Bible in your home you are planting seeds in the life of your husband. Allow the spiritual walk you live to plant the seeds, and not the words of your mouth, which can be condescending or of a negative nature. When we example a life of Christ, obedience and discipline we can be contagious Christians and our husbands will eventually follow in our footsteps. To get through this uncomfortable period of waiting and being on two different spiritual levels, know when to pray, when to rest, and when to be silent. Pray and trust God to complete His word. Pray, in your prayer closet for your husband, not in front of him, when you are praying for his spiritual walk, and not in front of your friends. Go to the Father and pray in secret what needs to be accomplished.“But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly,” (Matt. 6:6). Decree and

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declare that your husband will rise up and take his rightful place inspiritual authority. Bind and restrict any passivity or complacency and any lack of desire. Proclaim that the blinders will come off of his eyes and that the truth will come into the light. Pray, war, decree on his behalf and then rest. Rest in knowing the Father will accomplish what the word of God says he will accomplish. In Philippians 4:6, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”Don’t be anxious about

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anything. After you have prayed, rest in the Father knowing that His perfect will is done in the spiritual realm, now you are waiting for it to manifest in the natural realm. Rest that it is accomplished. Take your hands off the situation and wait with eager expectancy and hope of the manifestation. Don’t wait in worry, stress and anxiety which is sin. Wait knowing what it says in Isaiah 55:11, “So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” Wait knowing that His word will accomplish what it says it will. We often think we have to have something to do with the results of the situation. In Exodus 14:14 it says, “The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace." Know the Lord will fight for you. He is working on your behalf. He knows the desires of your heart. Rest in the assurance that you have been obedient and you have prayed. Rest with hope, faith and trust of the manifestation of that prayer.

Kathy DeGraw is the founder of DeGraw Ministries a ministry releasing the love and power of God. She travels hosting conferences, teaching schools and evangelistic love tours. Kathy enjoys writing and is the author of several books that educate, empower and equip people, including A Worship Woven Life and Flesh, Satan or God. Connect with Kathy at www.degrawministries.org.

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ne essential aspect of purposeful womanhood is balance. Being balanced is a holistic attainment which includes attention to our inner spiritual needs; as well as being prosperous in our souls and bodies. (See 3 John 2) There are direct correlations between the healthy balance of our spirits, souls and bodies. When one of these aspects is ailing, it is highly likely to have a ripple effect on another. Fluid balance has a major effect on how our bodies function. Because we are designed for purpose and not just poise, it's crucial that the vehicles with which we fulfil purpose – that is our bodies; are in optimal health. Optimal fluid balance is essential for us to function as God's vessels.

What is fluid balance?

In basic terms, fluid balance refers to the balance between the fluid which we take in to our bodies and the fluids we excrete or pass out. Adequate fluid balance ensures that

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the body stays hydrated; this is important for normal functioning of the body and optimal health. Maintaining fluid balance is vital for physical and mental performance.

Water – essential for life:

When referring to fluid intake in this context, we generally refer to water. Water is fundamental for life. In healthcare currently, there is heightened interest in the benefits of good hydration for people to function well, feel and look well. humans can survive for a number of weeks without food, they cannot normally go without fluids (water) for more than a few days. (British Nutrition Foundation, 2014) The average human adult body is comprised of about 65 percent water. Adult women on average have a lower percentage of body water than adult males— this is because women have less muscle mass and more fat mass than men. Babies’ bodies are about 75% water. (National Hydration Council, 2016)

Water- daily requirements:

There is a wealth of information in the public domain with various recommendations, these can be a little confusing. Generally, it’s good practice to aim for no less than 8 x 200ml glasses/cups of water daily. If you don't like the

FLUID

BALANCE By Shola Oladipo

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Her Wholeness taste of water alone, you can try adding a slice of lemon or lime, or a few fresh mint leaves.

Choosing food and drinks:

Tea and coffee are not out of bounds as part of your daily fluid quota, though excess caffeine has been tagged with some negative implications. It is worthwhile avoiding excess caffeine by trying ‘caffeine free’ beverages such as herbal teas. We also know that caffeine can be a bladder irritant causing frequency of urination in many cases. When choosing drinks, it is best to avoid very sugary drinks as these can provide excess calories and often do not quench thirst. Alcohol is known to have a dehydrating effect and also does not count as part of your fluid quota. Most fruits contain a high percentage of water. Melons, oranges and grapefruit are about 80 - 90% water. Certain vegetables, can also provide a nutrient-rich water source. Examples include celery, cucumbers, tomatoes, green peppers, and lettuce. (NHS choices, 2015)

affect kidney function and increase the risk of kidney stones. It can also lead to muscle damage and constipation.(NHS choices, 2015) It is a recognised phenomenon that many of us eat when in fact we should be drinking – basically we mistake thirst for hunger. This is a cause of excess weight gain in many women. The best way to prevent signal misinterpretation is to drink water consistently throughout the day – don’t wait to be thirsty. It is recognised that the sensation of thirst is not always as sensitive in aging – therefore the elderly are vulnerable and hydration needs should be closely monitored.

Thirst and Dehydration:

Dehydration occurs when your body loses more fluid than you take in. This is a state of imbalance. Dehydration can be mild, moderate or severe, depending on how much of your body weight is lost through fluids. Two early signs of dehydration are thirst and dark-coloured urine. This is the body's way of trying to get us to increase water intake and decrease water loss. Other symptoms may include: • • • • •

dizziness or light-headedness Confusion or irritability headache tiredness dry mouth, lips and eyes passing small amounts of urine infrequently (less than three or four times a day)

Dehydration can also lead to a loss of strength and stamina. If dehydration is ongoing, it can

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Babies and young children:

Like adults, babies and young children need to drink plenty of water to avoid becoming dehydrated. If you're breastfeeding your baby; contrary to popular belief - you don’t need to give them water as well as breast milk. However, you may find that babies want to breastfeed more than usual when thristy. Remember your body is uniquely designed to provide the exact concertation of breast milk that will provide nourishment and quench thirst – God is awesome! If you’re bottle feeding, in addition to the bottle feeds, you can give your baby extra bottles of cooled boiled water throughout the day. For older children try to encourage lots of water. If they get bored, offer very diluted fruit juice (as ice cubes in hot weather). Also encourage plenty of fruit and salad will also help keep their fluid levels up.

Her Wholeness

Checking your urine:

The chart below is a quick easy guide of gauging how hydrated you are. If it’s a 1-3, it’s healthy wee, the colour fall into 4-8 then you should re-hydrate.

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seek advice from your health care professional if you are concerned about any aspect of your health. Prayer is essential too! Stay Beautiful: stay Balanced.

References British Nutrition Foundation (2014)https:// www.nutrition.org.uk/healthyliving/hydration/ healthy-hydration-guide.html NHS choices website (2015)http://www. nhs.uk/Conditions/Dehydration/Pages/ Introduction.aspx National Hydration Council (2016)http://www. naturalhydrationcouncil.org.uk/

Remember our lives are purposeful and paying attention to fluid balance can help us to live healthier more fulfilled lives. Your body is a gift so keep it well hydrated – particularly as the Summer weather arrives. Don’t forget to

Shola Oladipo loves living a full time life. She is a registered Dietitian with 20 years of experience in several clinical areas working in the NHS, and in the food industry. Shola runs ‘Food for Purpose’ an exciting initiative aimed at empowering people to eat, live and serve purposefully. Shola also serves in a pastoral role alongside her husband in their local church Kings Chapel based in London. She has a ministry in music and is gifted in teaching the Word. She leads the women’s ministry known as the ‘Royal Daughters,’ and encourages women everywhere to maintain their beautiful balance in God which comes via His Word. Shola is married to Timothy, together they run an international outreach ministry called ‘Before and After I do’ (BAID); which majors on restoring God’s divine order, longevity and health to relationships and families. They are blessed with four amazing children, and call home their primary ministry. Shola also runs an editing service for ministers – which includes training and supporting leaders in book writing, editing and proof reading; as well as developing audiobooks. She is a lively public speaker who also writes poetry on a platform she calls ‘Poemotion.’

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SPIRITUAL

Etiquette

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THE ESSENCE OF

True Worship By Ebi Fyneface

efinition of Worship:- As a believer and follower of Jesus Christ, Worship is seen as the act of venerating respect, adoration and reverence with a deep sense of adulation to deify the all-powerfulness of God. It is a way of showing oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s deep sense of love and gratitude for the privileged providence of living, to the One who is Higher, Powerful and Creator of the Heaven and Earth.

Why Do We Worship?

People worship in acknowledgement of a thing they believe in either as a god or as something they cherish. However, for we who are called only according to His purpose, we worship The Living God, who created the world and everything in it Heaven and Earth; in acknowledgement of His essence and in gratitude for His providential disposition towards us.

When Do You worship?

Worship is like living and living is like worship! Our whole essence of living should be laced with Worship in itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s true essence;

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Worship is an act of gratitude and submission...

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just as was referred to in Proverbs 3:5. Worship has no definite time but must be purposeful and Spirit-led. Worship is attention-driven and focus- oriented. Since Worship is not timebound, it is not geo-locationally limited. True essence of Worship is living!

How Do You Worship?

If Worship is living and living is worship then, ordinarily, how to worship should not be a challenge. Human limitations and need for obeisance has made some to look at positional considerations in worship. That is a fallacy which is not biblically-based but partly drawn from where we are told to lift up our hands in worship. Ideally, as stated in Romans 8:14, our sonship is dependent upon the ability to be led by the Spirit of God. In this sense, how to worship becomes a second nature without any limitation or guilt. However, some raise their hands in worship, some by hitting their forehead on the ground while others face the wall, some by chanting, while the others go by blood sacrifice - all of which are not cast-in-

stone requirements for the believer. Worship only as led by the Spirit of God. Succinctly put, as a Christian, this consideration should serve as a guide to The Essence of True Worship, as pointedly stated in (Romans 12-1): â&#x20AC;&#x153;Therefore I urge you, brothers in view of Gods mercy to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, this is your SPIRITUAL ACT OF WORSHIP.â&#x20AC;? Let me wrap up with the following admonishment: Worship is an act of gratitude and submission; giving honour to Him with an

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extravagant love and extreme submission that says: “Your WILL be done, do to me what only You can do Lord”. It is a sense of duty that says: “speak LORD your servant heareth”. It shows the priority we place on GOD, whether good or bad and no matter how we feel; an excessive submission to GOD believing that Jesus is the only option. It is not just the slow songs or hymns which are sung in church that matter to God but also your lifestyle, making God your priority in your everyday walk with Him Trust Him, Acknowledge Him and Rely on His leading. I call worship a spiritual and conscious discipline we exhibit, if our lifestyle doesn’t carry out the dos and don’ts of the Father, knowing sin and keeping away from it in totality. It can also be said that worship says: “LORD my heart and life is placed on YOU and I am nothing without You”; an expression of a lifestyle of holiness, your life and everyday living is just in tune with the Holy Spirit. Genesis 22:12 is a scripture that really gives us a picture of worship; Abraham’s obedience and belief in God was an act of worship. Worship is believing in HIM about every promise we have read in the Bible, even when it seems like nothing is happening yet. But the Bible said Abraham believed… taking his

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only son for a sacrifice. That was a hard task to accomplish in today’s world; in fact, some of us will deny and pretend that it wasn’t the voice of God. This was the height of it all, Abraham believed until he got to the point of sacrificing his son, all the while God was watching, waiting to see his level of trust and loyalty. Worship is showing obedience of and exceeding trust in God Almighty. Psalm 96:9 says: “oh, worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness, fear before all the earth.” But, today, we do not want to do that which is not pleasing to God, Christianity has a standard that we all should follow in True Essence of Worship. In John 4:23, the Bible gives us a glimpse of what a true worshipper should be; it says in truth and in Spirit, those are the kind the Father seeks. In Spirit means we, as believers, should be in tune with the heavenly things,

Spiritual Etiquette when we begin to see ourselves as heavenly angels. As a minister of the gospel in songs, whether the microphone is in my hands or not, I am different in the Spirit realm, nothing else matters anymore. I just want to romance the Father, talk with Him, throwing all to Him and letting go for His will to take over all that concerns me. The action of the widow who gave her last mite, in Mark 12:42, was adjudged by Jesus Christ to be a deep act of worship. For her there was no hope, no husband and the Bible didn’t mention anything about her children. According to Jesus she gave more than everyone that put in their money; ‘’ this POOR WIDOW has put into the treasury

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more than anyone else”; then, in verse 44 Christ went further to explain that out of her poverty she had put in everything, all she had to live on. For me this is a good lesson. She believed and danced into the act of worship without knowing. We don’t worship and believe in Christ with our natural mind; things of the Spirit do not comply with what we use our natural mind to comprehend. Exodus 34:14: “for thou shall worship no other gods, for the Lord whose name is Jealous, He is a jealous God”. In conclusion, worship of the Father as a true believer is non-negotiable; it is a task you Must live by as a believer. We have to live it as if it is the air we breathe and without air we will die.

Pastor Ebi Fyneface, obtained her degree from the University of Abuja in Nigeria and is the Founder of Mount Olives Fellowship International, Mount Olives Evangelical Magazine, Ebi Fyneface Foundation, Dzion Sisters hood & Mount Olives Evangelical Tract, Gospel Recording Minister, Author, Speaker, Beautician, Humanitarian and also the Treasurer of FOGMMON an international body of Gospel Music Ministers of Nigeria. Ebi Fyneface has shared the stage with the highs and lows of professionals in gospel music industry. She is a mother of two lovely kids Hadassah and Melchizedec and a wife to Kevin P. Fyneface. Contact: Twitter: @Dfyneface1 Instagram: teamebifyneface FacebookFanPage: Ebifyneface, Ebi Fyneface Foundation, Pst Ebi Fyneface

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SpiritualEtiquette Etiquette Spiritual

Knowing Your

SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY By Ce Ce Dillard

piritual Authority is having and using your right as a born-again Believer to enforce obedience in the realms of the spirit.

How do you obtain Spiritual Authority? You inherit it. Example: If your biological father became deceased and left you an inheritance, you would just receive it as yours, with no questions. As a matter of fact, you would expect it! You would cherish this inheritance and find comfort when having thoughts of your father.

If the inheritance was one that increased your wealth, your confidence would grow knowing your father equipped you with the tools to direct your future into a better place. The same applies with your Heavenly Father. That very moment the Holy Spirit drew you and you made Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, you were given an inheritance (“Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ(Colossians 3:24)). You have access to all of the promises in the Word of God and as a matter of fact you’re expected to do greater works(“Verily, verily I say unto you, He that beleiveth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto

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64 | Spiritual Etiquette 2. Obtain Knowledge “Study to show thyself approve unto god; a workman that need not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). The more knowledge you have the more weapons you have to fight with. Example: A lawyer has to research, study and learn to obtain knowledge of his cases in order to attainno conviction of jail for his client. The word of God is your law, use it!Read it to learn from it by receiving and believing what it says to you in faith. This causes you to apply it daily. It becomes a part of you. Never allow the enemy to hold you captive because of lack of knowledge. If he’s feeding you lies, you don’t know the Word of God and you will possiblyeat hislies and perish. The more you read and studythe Word of God, the more effective you become in using your authority.

my father” (John 14:12). You have the power and authority to use your inheritance as a Born-again Believer against Satan.

How do I use my Spiritual Authority?

1. Know your Heavenly Identity This identity is who you are according to the Word of God. Read it, find it, know it and operate in it! This establishes you in the spirit and the natural. It gives you assuranceto operate and move in faith. Faith is obtained by reading and hearing the word of God. Prayer, worship, reading and studying the word allows you to form a relationship with God and establishes your credentials of authority. When you apply the word of God with your faith, the anointing of God is exercised as authority. Stand in your authority.Get in the position of operating in the offence not the defense. Tell demonic spirits…don’t ask. Christ Jesus is your access code and using His name “Jesus” grants authority to you to command the spirit realms.

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I learned how to stand boldly in who God called me to be without any fear. My Journey

In my journey of realizing my Spiritual Authority there was a time when I was very broken but the reality in that place was I got tired of being bullied and being beaten up on by my past. There were things that I had not let go of in order to move forward.I felt defeated. It was then that I cried out to God and searched for answers. I couldn’t understand why, after receiving salvation, I was still feeling defeated in so many areas of my life. I heard the Lord speak to me clearly; you perish because of lack of knowledge. I realized that His answer came from His Word. Perish means

Spiritual Etiquette to suffer death, typically in a violent, sudden or untimely way. I had literally been dying little by little daily, in a number of ways. I displayed it in my thoughts, words and actions. The consequences of living this way,would cause me to eventually make choices that would manifest my spiritual and physical deaths. Then I found light in scripture in Luke 10:19: “behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy; and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” Even if I wasn’t sure of what it was at the time, I knew that I didn’t have to take the abuse of another spirit again. I learned how to stand boldly in who God called me to be without any fear. I realized that if I were in a physical

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fight I wouldn’t let anyone just beat me up. So I decided that I was going to fight for my freedom and use my God-given Authority in the Spirit. I began to look in His Word for the answers. I searched for scriptures that applied to what I was going through at the time. Once I found the answers in His Word it began to take root in my spirit. This root gave me a weapon to retrieve and apply in that area of my life. My Heavenly Father granted me an identity that defines who I am in Him throughout His word. He has given me His spiritual DNA. When the paternity test was taken it came back positive; He is my Father. Operating in Spiritual Authority in faith, using the Word of God, guarantees victory!

Prophetess Ce Ce Dillard is the founder and CEO of Major Victory Promise Ministries Inc. She has been saved and has been ministering to others since her early teens. She is an Educator, a Certified Pastoral and Faith-based Counselor who is anointed as a spiritual midwife to help others birth the vision God has given to and chosen them to do. She truly believes she is called to help others see themselves the way Christ sees them, to help them to understand and assure them that their circumstances are a direct connection of who they are and why they exist. Showing them that if they apply biblical principles they will gain emotional and spiritual strength. The ministry she takes the pride in is being a wife, best friend and lover to her husbandsince March 1994 and a mother to her two miracle children.

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The Armour Bearer Wife: THE KING-MAKER

ou can’t be a queen without a king. You can’t have a kingdom without a king. Therefore, your role as an Armour-Bearer wife is to make sure that your husband fulfills his role as a king. You are the king-maker. Most men of God do not realize their role as a king and, even if they do, they are oftentimes clueless as to how to fulfill this God-given task. You have to understand that if they were not raised by godly fathers, they wouldn’t even know how to lead. This is why the church is full of men who lack the leadership qualities required of a king and this is why women have taken over. So, if you have a husband who is not leading you properly or one who

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By Lisa Maki

is not even strong in God, it is because God has called you to be a king-maker. Stop looking at your husband as the problem. This is happening for your own good, for your training. Now, if you have a husband who is in church leadership but is not leading like Yeshua, the way He designed kings to be, it is because God has called you to be a king-maker as well. Being a king-maker is not like being a mother, telling her sons what to do and how to do things. This is the biggest mistake wives make. We act like our husband’s mothers and, oftentimes, we take the job of the Holy Spirit, trying to change them through discussion. 1 Peter 3 is very clear on this one. It says that it is

Spiritual Etiquette through a gentle and quiet spirit that they will be won over, not through our discussion. We fulfill our role as king-makers in the spiritual realm. The rulers ceased in Isra'el, they ceased, until you arose, D'vorah, arose a mother in Isra'el (Judges 5:7, Complete Jewish Bible). The first step is for you to take up this role, just like Deborah. However, the way you should fulfill the role is not for you to take over. Take a look at how Deborah did it. The people of Isra'el cried out to ADONAI, because he had 900 iron chariots, and for twenty years he cruelly oppressed the people of Isra'el. Now D'vorah, a woman and a prophet, the wife of Lapidot, was judging Isra'el at that time. She used to sit under D'vorah's Palm between Ramah and Beit-El, in the hills of Efrayim; and the people of Isra'el would come to her for judgment. She sent for Barak the son of Avino'am, from Kedesh in Naftali, and said to him: "ADONAI has given you this order: 'Go, march to Mount Tavor, and take with you 10,000 men from the people of Naftali and Z'vulun. I will cause Sisra, the commander of Yavin's army, to encounter you at the Kishon River with his chariots and troops; and I will hand him over to you.'" Barak answered her: "If you go with me, I'll go; but if you won't go with me, I won't go." She replied, "Yes, I will gladly go with you; but the way you are doing it will bring you no glory; because ADONAI will hand Sisra over to a woman." (Judges 4:3-9) Deborah relayed the message to Barak and instructed him to go. Barak, however, didn’t want to go without her, so she warned him: “I will gladly go with you but the way you are doing it will bring you no glory.” In short, it will not make him the king and leader that God intended him to be.

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As a king-maker, it is your role to warn your husband if he is not doing his job rightfully as a leader. This includes calling him out, with respect, for anything that does not line up with the Word of God. In the first place, you will not even be a kingmaker if your husband is already a king, meaning, he knows his role in Jesus. A king is confident of his role and therefore will not be so hungry for it.

We fulfill our role as king-makers in the spiritual realm.

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68 | Spiritual Etiquette He will not order you to submit to him but will lead you to follow Jesus. He understands that as a king he has to protect his queen, making sure that she is presented blameless before God. He recognizes his queen's role and will make sure that she flourishes in that. He listens to her for advice, knowing that she has his best interest in mind. He recognizes that there is a supreme King above him that he has to report to. As a king-maker, you have to make sure that your husband is even ready to be a king; otherwise he can abuse that power. The Holy Spirit will be the One to show this to you. In my experience, humility is one of the biggest factors. Another factor is his trainability, meaning he has the willingness to learn what it takes and to surrender to somebody else's leadership.Until your husband is in this place, your role as a king-maker is in a standstill. However, you can start preparing him in the spiritual realm. You have to be aware of all any issues, strongholds, and demonic kings that are hindering your husband from being the king. You also have to be aware of your own issues, strongholds, and demonic kings. Remember, the devil does not want your husband to be the king, more so you being the king-maker. He will do everything to stop you at this point.

This is where you need to strategize. I suggest you make an inventory of your husband’s strengths and weaknesses as a leader. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and do not just rely on your own judgments. Seeing his strengths is also a great way of seeing him from God’s perspective. It will be good to study the lives of godly kings and leaders in the Bible: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Joshua, Joseph, David and of course Yeshua. Study their strengths and victories, weaknesses and downfall (Yeshua did not have any of these) and compare these traits to those of your husband’s. Make an inventory for yourself too, in relation to you being a king-maker. Compare yourself to Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Zipporah and even Bathsheba (there was something about her too that made David a better king). Once you have carefully made an inventory (God may continue to reveal more to you as you spend more time in the “inner house” or “inside room”), fight the spirits and demonic kings attached to your husband’s (and your own) issues and strongholds. Do not expect to win the battle overnight. In fact, you will continue to protect your husband in the spiritual realm, even after he himself is anointed king.

Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'zGurlz, a Bible-based web magazine for women. She is a Professional Writer/Consultant with over 20 years of experience in Professional Writing, Public speaking, and Human Resources in Organizational Development. She manages a Professional Writing business which includes Résumé Writing, Business Letter Writing, Business Plans, Website Content, Editing Jobs, Press Kits, and other writing requirements. More than a Professional Writer, Lisa is an evangelist/preacher/minister with over 10 years of ministry experience including pastoring a women's prison; conduct of Bible-based seminars and Bible studies in corporate offices; preaching engagements in churches, police camps, schools, and other organizations; outreach programs for poor families and children; and pastoring a church. Lisa holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in English and some units in Psychological Services. She was commissioned as "minister" in 2006.

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KINGDOM Minded Man

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Mind Body Soul

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Kingdom Man

The Voice

OF A

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The Hebrew meaning of a father means the source, sustainer and foundation. Hence, the male is meant to be the one holding the family intact. The male is also called the progenitor; ‘pro’ means support (emotional, financial and psychological) and ‘gene’ comes from the word genetics. This implies that the genes of the human race came out of the male. This is very significant because genes determine personality, quality and type. It is therefore not a role to be taken for granted because thefather or the male determines the quality of a nation. There is simply no substitute for fathers. God sees fatherhood as the solution to all human personal and social national problems. Hence the absence or abuse of fathers can have that result. In fact, Malachi 4 v 6 says that “He will turn the By Amma Frimpong hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will

F THER T he greatest crisis in national development is not lack of money or investment or even crime and unemployment. Behavioural scientists have proven that the greatest crisis in national development of any country is the absence of fathers in the nation and in the home. There is no substitute for fathers.This article will address the importance of fathers or male role models in building the family. It will help us to understand the importance of the father in personal and national development as a whole.It is imperative that one knows the role of a father because if the purpose of something is not known, abuse is inevitable. The word father indicates the position and function and not just a title or name. There may be children who have other people performing that function in their lives as opposed to the biological parents. A father’s impact can have a far-reaching consequences on even generations yet unborn because God ties living long on this earth to honouring fathers. The role of the father can be likened to a very beautiful house without a strong foundation. It is very easy for that house to crumble down when there are strong winds. Now, how can we identify who a father is?

come and strike the land with a curse”. Is it possible that the increase in young men stabbing each other, crime rates and teenage pregnancies are a result of fathers not taking their role in society seriously? Fathering is therefore a position and a function that is performed as opposed to claiming titles to lord over vulnerable people. He must be present, observable and also can be emulated. The role of the father has been left for teachers, learning mentors and friends to fill and the society is experiencing the effects of fathers who assume that child rearing is mainly the

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74 | Kingdom Man responsibility of mothers.The voice of the father has always been very important in the lives of children and even more so in this day and age when the love of many is waxing cold and evil is at its peak in society.These voices are never heard when families need them most or they are so loud and thundery when families are in desperate need of encouragement and a listening ear. The football pitches are filled with mums who are cheering their sons on because the men in their lives are either not aware of their responsibility or they would rather be a hero to other people other than their families. Young men are looking up to fathers who will teach them how to excel in everything that their hands find to do and how to be responsible fathers, uncles and husbands. Girls on the other hand cannot be excluded from this as they desperately need to hear the voice of the father, to be available from the cradle and to assure them that they are the most beautiful miracle bestowed from above. This special voice means so much to these children especially in this generation when

young men are roaming the streets seeking for identity in the wrong places and the most dangerous things, whiles the girls also lack selfesteem hence heeding to every beck and call from the corner of the streets. Making your voice heard in an inspiring a positive way does not require the abundance of wealth and material things. Mothers on the other hand also have a very important role to play in this because we need to be aware of the essence of the voice of the father and do anything possible for this to be a reality in your childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life. Dad, whatever you do, do not be a stranger in your own house and make sure that the hug does not seem strange as memories will last longer than we do. Fathers, you are privileged to be instrumental in forming the character of this generation and the next generations. It will be your standards that shape your family for years after you are gone so do it with dignity and character as itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your contribution to the next age.

Amma Frimpong is the director of bridging families, a mentor and senior tutor/ lecturer for the Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme at Empowered Woman, The Mentoring Academy. She is married with 3 children.

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Kingdom Man

THE CURRENCY OF THE MIND By Victor Nwaorgu

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” -Matthew 12:34

ust as things are bought and sold with physical currency, the human mind serves as the purchasing power to attract and keep what you need in other to get to one’s destination. It remains the singular and most important influence in the life of a man; it is that which gives ability to think and reason in order to achieve greater invention. The power of the mind is one that cannot be underestimated. It is argued that the brightest of men have not used up to 100% of their mind. The mind is the seat of consciousness; merely thinking about what you want gets it closer to materialization. Whatever the mind envisions can be actualized; if a man will ever be conquered, it all rises and falls in the mind. Battles are won or lost in the thought realm before they are executed in the physical, the more you allow your mind to process failure as defeat the more difficult it becomes for you to win in the physical. Here in the physical realm the exchange rate is vibration, one from the other, so whatever you exude the universe multiplies. Our positions in life are not accidental, it is altogether a product of thoughts that have long existed in the mind, so it only makes sense that where you are today is as a result of what has gone through your mind: “As a man thinks in his heart so is he”.In simple terms, you are what you think and you cannot act contrary to what you think of yourself. The spiritual proof of the potency of the mind is faith (speaking things that be not as thou they were), it is the mind that provides that conviction.

Those who think failure seal their own future, why is this so? Because actions are pre-meditated in the mind, your mind is the navigation system taking you to your desired destination. Take a look at where you are, is it where you desired to be? You are where you are today as a result of what you have been feeding your mind on. The picture on your mind is the future you secure. You must think differently and in a godly way; the man who stops thinking will start dying, being current in your mind is the currency of life. The largest room in the world is the room of self-improvement. If there is anything to develop, it should be your mind; because once that is done every area of life will advance.

Victor Chiemela Nwaorgu is a motivational speaker and prolific writer, with a mark of distinction. He makes himself relevant everywhere he goes. He is mandated with a mission to positively impact the lives of many in this generation. He has a global vision geared towards making positive impact in the lives of youths all over the world. Victor has held various leadership positions within and outside the church. He holds a degree in Business Management from the prestigious University of Hertfordshire, United Kingdom and a first degree in Political science from Madonna University, Nigeria. He is the manager of Shalom Springs farm, Umuimo, as well as the founder of Fresh Academy Aba Nigeria, a subsidiary of Golden Pine Konsult Limited. He is married to Promise Nwaorgu.

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THE

EFFECT By Hasani Pettiford

en are the #1 consumers of pornography. This multibillion-dollar industry that has existed for thousands of years has had a devastating effect on men worldwide. In many respects, pornography is synonymous with a powerful drug. Many have labeled internet pornography as the new crack cocaine, leading to addiction, misogyny, pedophilia, breast implants and erectile dysfunction. In fact, many pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts. Shocking, but true. Coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever. It’s mind-altering. Often, men describe the high as a numbness, which is followed by shame, self-loathing, and frustration, particularly for people who have need for that same satisfaction causing users to move from the soft-porn found in Playboy

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and Penthouse to watch more estranged pornography. Unfortunately, this unnatural progression leads to engaging in sex with no emotional connection, to participating in group sex and on and on. Then, more dark porn is sought after because people want porn of a more graphic and vile nature. Types of porn so far outside what is considered a social norm or normal sexual behavior ranging from brutal intercourse, torture, sex with multiple partners, and so on. Believe me, it can get worse. Now after hearing all this, you may be thinking to yourself “These are extreme cases. And I have watched and know others who have watched porn and none of us have fallen off the deep end.” And that very well may be true. But the question I have for you is “How did it affect you?” How did it affect your husband or your relationship? What short and long term effects did it have or possibly could have on any of

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In pornography, the women exist just to please men and are therefore willing to do anything. you? Because, quite frankly, some of what you are about to discover may shock you. It may cause you to rethink, and possibly even change some of your behaviors. This change is what I call The Porn Effect. The Porn Effect most directly refers to the change in perception pornography viewers have of not only their spouse or the gender they are attracted to, but also their perception of sexual activity. The deception that pornography portrays is that there are never any hiccups in sexual courtship. Nobody fails to get an erection, the woman doesn’t have trouble achieving orgasm, and nobody fears their gut looks too big or that they’re tired and can’t catch their breath. If a man tries something out of the norm, the women doesn’t wince or object to it. In pornography, there’s no need to make pillow talk. An unrealistic picture is painted with women at the forefront. In pornography, the women exist just to please men and are therefore willing to do anything. They will dominate or act submissive, cry in anger or in pleasure and they will accommodate whatever the man

desires. She loves sex, she can’t get enough of it. The actors never tire, are easily aroused and can appeal to every fantasy imaginable. But next to this unrealistic pornography is a real woman. Compared with porn stars, real women may not have shaved their legs that morning, their stretch marks may be visible. In comparison, a real woman often seems stale, indifferent or even frigid. The fact of the matter is that pornography cheapens sex and causes men to change their ideals. While these images may be titillating to the eye, they devalue men’s perception of what sex should be and mean between two people. The problem sets in when men’s expectations of how a woman should look and behave are unrealistically raised by a false image portrayed in pornography. In fact, because of porn, two-thirds of male fantasies feature more than one woman, almost always strangers or near strangers. When talking about their fantasies, men typically describe women’s physical attributes. The reason for this is simple. Porn teaches men to view women as objects rather than human beings. They look for the attributes in women that they see in porn: big breasts, generally curvier bodies and just better looking overall; and these bombshell beauties are meant to sexually exploit not to delicately embrace. As a result, many women complain about the lack of romance prior to sex or inadequate

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80 | Kingdom Man foreplay from men who watch a lot of pornography. This is because porn is typically about male gratification. That may be one reason why many women in general, and wives specifically, complain about their sex life with their husbands. Many men are considered terrible lovers because they’ve been raised on porn. The problem is that porn shows images and glorifies practices women are least likely to accommodate and men are unable to perform, creating impractical expectations. Similarly, men also suffer in the porn industry. Men tend to find themselves placed in the role of playboy or gigolo, the superficial stud whose status is attained according to the quantity and quality of women he beds. Most men would not elect to be judged in this way, particularly not those men who look at pornography because they aren’t attracting women in the real world. Most men feel as though they do not measure up to the image pornography requires. In a 2004 Ellie MSNBC.com poll of 15,246 Americans, 13% of men confessed that viewing sex online caused them to worry that they might not satisfy their partner’s needs. One in ten said they need to do more to keep their partners sexually interested and 8 percent admitted that after viewing online porn they felt bad about their own bodies. Despite its premise of relieving tension, pornography often creates tension for men, leaving them increasingly insecure, with the

need for continual validation through ongoing conquests and voyeurism. When sex is neither available nor practical, masturbation becomes the ever-ready alternative which typically drains men of sexual and emotional energy. Many men have said that sex with a woman had become less arousing and others admitted real sex just couldn’t compare to cybersex anymore. So, as you can see, porn drains a man’s sex drive, makes him a lousy lover and destroys the intimacy shared between him, as a man, and his woman. The experiences watched in porn are just not consistent with the typical marriage. Unfortunately, man’s expectations of his wifeare greatly affected by the images he sees in porn. Many of them then try to re-create the images from porn in their brain while they’re with their spouse in order to maintain their arousal. Yet by doing so, men are no longer mentally with their partner. So, in essence, many men, while making love to their spouses, place other women’s faces on their wife’s body or other bodies on their wife’s face. What is damaging about this is that the more they focus on pornography, the less satisfying they’ll find their spouse and the less satisfied they will be with themselves. In conclusion, pornography makes men lousy lovers. It perverts the sanctity of the marriage bed and should be avoided at all costs in order to have a marriage that brings the most marital satisfaction.

Hasani Pettiford Living out the principles they teach within their own marriage, Hasani and Danielle created Couples Academy, a relationship-based learning institute committed to placing couples on the path of fulfillment. Hasani has spoken to more than 1,000 audiences throughout the U.S., Latin America and Africa. He provides keynotes, seminars, marriage conferences, couples retreats, coaching programs, as well as individual and couple's counseling sessions. Hasani and his wife Danielle Pettiford have been happily married for 12 years and have four beautiful girls.

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YOUNG Women

• •

Encouragement Inspiration

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84 | Younger Woman

Don’t Let

A MAN STEAL YOUR YEARS By Adaeze Chiwoko

he title alone gives the indication that this is some sort of ‘Power to the Women’ type of article. I guess it is in a way but not in any form of coalition with the feminist movement agenda – no, I am very much in favour of the biblical set up for men and women. However, this article

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IS about women being empowered and loving themselves enough to know that their desire to be in a relationship should not drive them into relinquishing their precious God-given time to just any man who shows interest for now but has no plan for a committed future – as in marriage.

Younger Woman

...nothing prepared me for the influx of direct messages I received from women across the world.

Recently, I recorded and posted a video on Facebook entitled ‘Don’t Let A Man Steal Your Years’ and was amazed at the response it received! With over 55,000 views in just a couple of days as well as a flurry of likes, shares and comments it was evident that this video spoke into the lives of many women. As taken a back as I was by that, nothing prepared me for the influx of direct messages I received from women across the world who felt moved to share with me that they had wasted years in a relationship they knew almost from the get go was never going anywhere – yet for various reasons, including fear of being alone they stayed in a relationship that promised no security, no hope and oftentimes no love. So what drove me to record this video? Well, a few weeks prior, I had been talking to a group of girls in my church who were between the ages

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of 23 and 35. Beautiful, intelligent ladies, all in relationships that they recognised were not going anywhere, yet with this knowledge they were willing to let the men they were with steal their years. Actually, come to think of it, is it still stealing if you are fully aware of the theft and you’re allowing it to happen? Some might say, what’s the big deal? Should every relationship lead to marriage? Surely it is better to have someone in your life than no one at all? Well, firstly yes it IS a big deal! A woman wasting her years, emotions, resources and even her sexuality on a man who is not her husband and has no plans of gaining that title is a very big deal to me. No, I am not naïve enough to think that every relationship you get into will definitely lead to marriage but at least once you are aware that there is no future (which I believe becomes quite apparent earlier than we care to admit), a woman who knows her worth will not allow herself to be used as a comfort pillow for a man who wants all the goodies of a woman without the commitment. And actually NO! It’s not better to just have anyone in your life who is robbing you of years that the Lord granted to you to grow, develop and use for Him until your rightful life partner comes along because you feel unable to be alone. Having been in a 3-year relationship that had the words ‘Destined to Fail’ all over it right from the get- go as well as other no-hope unions but staying for reasons I can’t even clearly decipher, I can’t help but look back with a wince of regret. I know that the Lord works all things for my good but I am also fully aware of the amount of healing I had to go through to rid myselfof the baggage I’d collected from each failed relationship. Anger, insecurity, low selfesteem, humiliation, resentment, bitterness, defensiveness, jealousy…and the list could go on. All this unnecessary baggage collected from relationships that, if I were being honest with myself, I knew had no future and

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86 | Younger Woman the guy had no plans of committing to me. My hope for the video was to inform or remind women that they are precious. All of us are precious. Our years, emotions, bodies… every aspect of our lives should be of the highest value to us and not to be given away to someone who doesn’t place enough value on us to want to make a lifetime commitment. It’s easy to just let life roll along, be in a dead end relationship, ignoring the evidence of nofuture, yet keeping our fingers crossed,hopeful that the gentle voice of the Lord telling us that He has a better plan for us is wrong - because the thought of going back out into single world terrifies us. If that person is you, I would first

like to tell you that you are not alone. We have all been fools in love at one stage or another. Secondly, I would like to look at you straight in the eye and tell you that if you know within your heart that this relationship in which you have invested time, emotions and resources is not going anywhere then LEAVE! Leave today! I absolutely encourage you without repentance to walk out of your dead-end relationship that you know will not lead to marriage. You are too precious to be wasted and you deserve better. In fact, you should want better because the Lord has called you for and desires you to have better.

Adaeze Chiwoko is a wife, mother of three amazing boys, worship leader, presenter and Co-founder of one of the UK’s leading Christian media companies, Vinejuice. For many years the Lord has placed her in the privileged position of mentoring and being a support system for many young women. This has further grown into supporting married couples and the launch of her ministry Marriage4Real which seeks to counteract the negative profile marriage has received over the years by highlighting and promoting positive healthy marriages.

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88 |88Poetry |

Everyday…Another Chance By Rosylee

‘We give praise and thanks to You, O God, we praise and thanks; Your wonderous works declare that your Name is near and they who invoke Your Name rehearse Your wonders.’ Psalm 75: 1 (Amplified) Every day, the Lord gives us another reason to be glad, another reason to be gratefuland to be gracious in spite of your circumstances. Every day, another opportunity arises for us as women, to serve Him and share His transforming love to those around us whether or not we believe the recipient deserves it. Every single day, He provides the answers to our prayers, cancels our debts, opens and closes doors in our lives according to His will, considers us, consoles us, and restores us. We have so many reasons to praise Him, but often we don’t take the time, we may realise this, and make a mental note to change our mind – set, but we get caught-up in our busy-ness and good intentions fall by the way side. Starting tomorrow, wake with the intention of praise! Praise for our Heavenly Father, praise for our health and strength, praise for another day in the land of the living. And also thankfulness, that He will use you for something beautiful in someone’s life today.

Rosylee is a mother, grandmother, sister and friend who has learnt over the years to apply one of the most quoted scriptures in church history. ‘Lean not on your own understanding…’ its been one of the hardest things to do. Rosylee’s wish is that by applying her heart to poetry that she may uplift, encourage and strengthen those who need to be encouraged, or to affirm the ever increasing seed of faith in heart of a babe. Rosylee’s desire is that every reader, male or female, rich or poor will be blessed and truly encouraged by her words.

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Book Feature

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BOOK CORNER

Something new to read... This book started as an idea to capture my life lessons so far especially the last ten years. On discussing the idea with team members at Women Mentoring Women, it seemed right to capture quotes from other ladies as well. In keeping with our 2016 theme for the Inspirational Woman Awards, I coined the title of the quote book ‘There is More to Me.’ The essence of this book is to encourage women regardless of where they have been, how far they have come, to discover and display the more in them. This book is a call for all women to see beyond their achievements, limitations, circumstance, past and comfort zone. Then stretch, reach and birth the potential inside them. So, fellow sister, it is time to; Achieve the more in you. Step out of the norm. Dare to do the unimaginable. Get your copy of the quote book at www.inspirationalwomanawards.com

About The Author Funke Oham is passionate about encouraging and inspiring women to discover their purpose and maximise their potential. She spear headed the concept for a Ladies network ‘Women Mentoring Women’ to connect, support and envision women to achieve their goals. Her recent initiative ‘Inspirational Woman Awards’ celebrates International Women’s Day, recognises women who have overcome

adversity and are making a difference in society. Through these initiatives, she also published a poetry book and quote book ‘Through these Eyes and There is More to you.’ She is an award winning Social Entrepreneur, Speaker, Qualified Life and Performance Coach with several years’ experience coaching and mentoring women. Funke turned her own life around from the tragedy of losing two babies, into a ministry that helps other mothers with this painful but often hidden issue. She also raises awareness and campaigns on maternal and neonatal issues. Her first book ‘Always a Mum; How I survived my baby loss’ addresses issues of motherhood in relation to loss, Faith and loss, living again after her loss and finding purpose in her pain. She is married to Charles and a mum to two boys. www.wewmagazine.com

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Angie Greaves Angie Greaves, ‘Daytime’ and ‘Soul Town’ presenter on Magic, has one of the most soulful and distinctive female voices in UK radio today. Born in London and enjoying being ‘fabulous in her 50’s’, Angie grew up within a traditional Afro-Caribbean family setting. Even from a young age, she loved her soulful roots and she knew she had a ‘voice’ in the world – one that needed to be shared. And one that she continues to share today.

Sola Dawkins Pastor Sola Dawkins is the founder and CEO of Women With A Purpose. She is also Co-Pastor of Faith Tabernacle, a Ministry founded by her husband Senior Pastor Kevin Dawkins. Sola responded to the call of God on her life by giving up her successful career to prepare for Ministry. This decision led to her fully embracing the God given Purpose destined for her life. Sola is fuelled by a deep Passion to see Women live Empowered Lives, she is a dynamic visionary who uses her life experiences to bring about healing, restoration, wholeness, a sense of reality and self-esteem. Sola is a very 'real’ and honest person, who has learnt to expose herself in her ministry to others. Sola like many others was trudging along in life, often searching but not sure what for. Sola began a journey of finding the meaning to life and seeking what is life’s Purpose. Sola launched Women With a Purpose, a God inspired platform to Inspire, Empower & Facilitate Women to Live a fulfilled purposeful life, according to the word of God

Adaeze Chiwoko Adaeze Chiwoko is a wife, mother of 3 amazing boys, worship leader, presenter and Co-founder of one of the UK’s leading Christian media companies, Vinejuice. For many years the Lord has placed her in the privileged position of mentoring and being a support system for many young women. This has further grown into supporting married couples and the launch of her ministry Marriage4Real which seeks to counteract the negative profile marriage has received over the years by highlighting and promoting positive healthy marriage.

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Tamika Pusey-Squire Prophetess Tamika Pusey-Squire is an ordained minster and the Executive Pastor and co-founder of Restoration Fellowship Ministries (RFM) in Birmingham. She is a motivational speaker, writer, web designer and administrative consultant. In addition, she is the CEO of Purple Rose Creative Design.   In 2005, she received a prophetic word confirming that her mission was to “speak the word of God, and salvation and deliverance would come to many.” Later, she answered the call of God to minister His Word and helped build RFM, a church aimed at healing hearts and bringing restoration into the lives of God’s children. Prophetess Tamika is an anointed singer, preacher and teacher with a passion for the lost and the spiritually wounded.   She was awarded with the Aspirations Woman of the Year 2009 by the BME (Black & Minority Ethnic) Business Women's Network. The Council of Black Led Churches (CBLC) also nominated her for the Life Changing Leadership Education Award 2010. Prophetess Tamika is also Assistant Editor of Women Empowering Women Magazine and contributes to various media publications through articles, newsletters and blogs.

Ash White Ash White was born on the 10th September 1991 in Luton Bedfordshire and is the eldest of 3 children. She is married and she works as an IT Recruitment Consultant. Being raised in a Christian home helped her to establish her faith early and she has now been walking with the Lord for 11 years. Her hobbies include reading and spending time with friends and family especially in this season where the Lord is calling her to be more intentional about developing godly, purposeful friendships. Ash is passionate about strength training; she is a weight lifter and takes pride in being the strongest woman in her gym. From as young as 3 she would cry when sensing the presence of the Lord in worship and at times still does! Worship is a major part of her life. She has been singing for 22 years and has lead worship in various places for the past 9 years and considers it an honour to do so. She also has backed different artists in concerts, on CDs and live album recordings; she enjoyed being on her first UK tour and International tour at just 18 years old. After hearing prophecy after prophecy on her life from a young age, Ash is in a place where she has realised that the Lord has called her to be a prophetic voice to the nations and has been through a lot because of this, nevertheless she endeavours to pursue her calling with a strong conviction and restore the church to order before Christ’s return.

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EmpoweredWoman

Empowering women to empower nations If you have any comments on any of the articles featured in this magazine please send them to:

magazine@empoweredwoman.org.uk

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