Women Empowering Women Magazine

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

From

THE EDITIOR Hello Kingdom Minded Women According to the Jewish Calendar, we are now in a New Year 2016 – 2017 September to September.

There is definitely a shift and this new seasons entails a great walk on water.

Everything God has given demands we get into the supernatural to receive His Manifested promises of blessings and to experience this means a continuous yielding to the Holy Spirit to change us from the inside out so we can look and be more like Christ.

In this new season, I encourage you to stay FOCUS, there are so many things happening in the world today, and God knows all of this, people are suffering dying because of their faith. I also believe that God is pouring out His Spirit on all who care to know and do His Will, there is great Grace in this period and we’re called to walk in it.

We have some great articles of inspiration, motivation and encouragement. The highlight for me was my interview with Heidi Bake, what a great woman of God who has a love and passion to the children she was called to about 20 years ago.

Heidi Bake is our Woman Stepping Out! In our autumn issue and we are so grateful to share her life, her work with children and her love for God to the world.

We’re also happy to announce we are now selling advertising space hurrayyyyy!!!….To find out more, look out for the flyer in the pages of this seasons issue.

A Magazine for the Kingdom Minded Woman, Promoting her Style, Wholeness and Spiritual Etiquette.

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

We’d also like to thank all our well-wishers, contributors and poets for your love, articles, testimonies and stories that seek to empower women globally, your work helps us to show Jesus to the nations.

Finally to Purple Rose Creative Design and Prophetess Tamika Pusey-Squire assistant editor and partner in bringing to light God’s vision in my heart.

Be Empowered!

Jacqueline Ani Prophetess Jacqueline Ani

Editor In Chief – Women Empowering Women Magazine

EDITOR IN CHIEF

JACQUELINE ANI

ASSISTANT EDITOR

TAMIKA PUSEY-SQUIRE

magazine@empworedwoman.org.uk www.wewmagazine.com

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

CONTENTS | AUTUMN 2015 SPECIAL FEEATURE PROPHETESS JACQUELINE ANI Do Not Cast AWAY Your Confidence

6

WOMAN STEPPING OUT! HEIDI BAKER Special Interview

12

HER STYLE

22 FLORENCE UKPABI Are You A Winner of Loser 30 MILDRED TALABI How to Stop Being a Professional Quitter 34 OMOWUNMI OLUNLOYO Find Your Place, Position and Purpose 40 AYOOLA BANDELE Wrap Up In Mink Fur

HER WHOLENESS

44 COACH KEMI Renewing the Mind 50 ZINA ARINZE Can You Believe and Live Again after Divorce 56 ZOE ANDREA ONAH When All Seems Lost

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HER SPIRITUAL ETIQUETTE DEACONESS OBASEKI Building A Kingdom Centred Church LISA MAKI The Wife, The Armour Bearer

60

64

EMPOWERING THE YOUNGER WOMAN

64 DANIELLE BLETCHNER Raising Wonderful Women 68 RITA OKOYE Cliques and How to Avoid Them 72 CAROLINE ODOGWU The Young Woman’s Journey

KINGDOM MINDED MAN FRANK ANI Are You the Actor or Reactor of Your Own Script? 76

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Special Feature | 7

As God’s prophet, I’ve often believed, I’ve

been through was to strengthen my faith and

heard God’s Direction in everything I’ve

to develop a formidable confidence in Who

ventured into.

God is to me and who I am to Him.

I remember back in 1999, when I gave my life

The enemy is after our faith in God, if he can

to God, I was on a journey to discovering

get us to doubt God’s Word, then he has

who God says I am.

succeeded because doubting God is a sin.

I wanted to do so much, I wanted God to

When God takes us through a process it’s to

show me what He’d called me to do in His

strengthen our faith and our knowledge in

Kingdom; I wanted to see God and know

Him and all that constitutes to developing a

Him for myself; back then, I remember a

formidable confidence in His word and His

scripture I would meditate on daily….

promises to us. The bible tells us…

Do not cast away your confidence which has

Without faith, it’s impossible to please God,

a great reward of recompense; for you have

for those who come to Him must believe that

need of patience (endurance), and after

He exists and that He rewards those who

you’ve done the will of God, you will receive

earnestly seek Him. Hebrews 11:6

the promise. Hebrews 10:35-36 When I first read this verse many years ago it spoke to me profoundly as it does today.

Our faith is the key!

Our faith has to be developed through tests and trials, the word spoken to us will be

Years back, when I initially started

tested and when its tested and we pass the

developing a relationship with God and

test, our faith is developed and our

developing my faith in Him, as I think about

confidence in God is strengthened. As our

it now, I realised the circumstances that I’ve

confidence in Him develops, His promises

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

8 | Special Feature are manifested…our confidence in Him and His

in Hebrews 10:35-36, little did I know then what

Word is what is tested!

I know now; I realised that every struggle,

Hebrews 10:35 –36 encourages us not to cast away our confidence; that confidence in Him is what will bring us a great reward, a manifestation of those things we are believing God for; yet we are told that in the midst of the trials, the processes, disappointments, delayed promises, circumstances and issue of life, rejection from loved ones…we are encouraged

circumstance, trial and test would seek to develop my confidence in God’s will for my life.

No matter who or what criticised my actions, obedience and trust in God, I stayed and held onto what I believed God told me and He has never disappointed me, even in the midst of my own disappointments, God has never disappointed me.

NOT to CAST AWAY our confidence in what

“Do not cast away your confidence”, that

God is doing and what He has told us. We are

confidence is an un resounding faith in God that

told not to cast away that confidence because the

no one can take away from you; the confidence

trials and tribulations can be so intense that it’s

in God is your great reward and that confidence

possible that we can lose that confidence in God

will be tested and being tested brings about a

through the trials….but rather don’t lose that

patience in you that you don’t feel the need to

confidence!

defend your actions to anyone; defend your

So it doesn’t matter what the circumstance is, never cast away your confidence – your faith in Who God is and what He has told you.

stillness in God and defend your process no matter what others may say, you don’t feel the need to explain yourself. You leave all the vindication to God, your place is to be still and

What’s the reason you must never throw away

stay humble to the process.

your confidence even when the trials are intense and sometimes don’t make sense to you?

And when you’ve come to that place of patience – the bible tells us that after your come to that

You have need of endurance!

place of confidence, then you have done the will

You have a need to be constant in your

of God and so you may receive that which He

confession in the trial; you have a need to

has promised you.

persevere, a need to continue bearing up, a need to be steadfastness; a need to hold out; a need for patient endurance.

The word “endurance” is to “remain”, it describes the capacity to continue to bear up under difficult circumstances, not with a passive

But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

James 1:4 That’s when you have come into God’s Rest and He will bring you to His Promise for your destiny.

complacency, but with hopeful fortitude that actively resists weariness and defeat.

Therefore do not cast away your confidence, it has a great reward.

Many years ago as I meditated on this promise

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Special Feature | 9 For you have need of endurance and after you have done the will of God, you may receive the

prepare others with what we have learnt.

How to Move Into This New Season

promise.

Avoid being distracted – I see it time and time Selah for the end.

Now I see that God has been working in me behind the scenes, so that I am equipped to understand His Assignment in my life, because in this new dispensation we are called to take our place and to deliver His Message.

again with people that I’ve mentored, coached or taught, their predominant enemy is distraction.

Distraction takes your focus away from what you must do now. Our minds and circumstances can distract us from our assignment. A tip is to identify where the distraction is coming from, the enemy of our soul will draw our attention to issues we’ve been fighting for awhile and instead

He is sending us to go and make disciples of His people, make disciples of nations, make disciples of those who have been waiting, ready to work and build the Kingdom.

of taking authority we spend time worrying.

When the disciples we’re going to the other side, there was a storm that frightened them. Jesus was sleeping in the lower deck of the boat and when

It’s no longer an appeal but an instruction, get

they woke Him, He rebuked the storm. Nothing

people ready, prepare them, disciple them so that

was going to stop them going to the other side.

in hearing God, they will hear direction,

Mark 4:39

instruction to strategize their move into their designated positions to be a light so that God can and will be glorified in their work.

Be relevant with God – we may be concentrating on projects that are out of season, similar to “flogging a dead horse”. It may also be that such

We’re in a new season of leadership, a now and

projects may not be bad, but rather out of season.

relevant word and we must align ourselves with

It’s important to be relevant with what the Spirit

what God is saying and doing in these times. The

of God is doing in this new season so that you are

worst thing is to be out of season, to continue

ready to “Go Therefore”. There is nothing worse

dealing with an old issue or old project when the

than praying to God to bless you in the way you

season has changed.

want, rather than in the way He wants. Such

I also discern that the season will open doors of opportunity for those who are focused on

prayers can make you miss God’s movement in your life at this time.

operating in God’s Will and purpose for their

Be equipped – do you have the necessary

lives, so we must be in preparation, so that what

resources for this new season so that when you’re

was declared to us in the past will be seen in the

sent you have the resources available for those

present.

who need it. God will always give us a period of

I believe that the great commission was given to us as disciples/leaders to be equipped with the word, the good news and with our gifts to go and

grace to prepare for where we’re going. What resources do you need and who can help you prepare them? Being equipped also means being filled with His Word. I have come across many

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10 | Special Feature

wonderful women of God who are hungry for

land. What is God telling you to do so that you

God and want to do His Work, but sadly they

can enter into this new season and go

lack discipleship. Some don’t know how to hear

therefore……? Micah 6:8

from God and some don’t understand how to apply God’s word to their life to solve a problem. The bible tells us the put on the full

Romans 8:19 tells us that the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God.

armour of God…what does that mean to you?

You are the sons (daughters) of God and all of

Ephesians 6: 10-18

creation is waiting eagerly with so much Identify your nation – who are you called to?

I’ve often said that your nation can most times be the person who looked like you before you were delivered. What problem have you been

expectation for you to take your position on earth to bring a move of God, for a touch from God so that they are also liberated to serve God ready for the coming of the Messiah.

called to solve? A clue would be to read Isaiah Go therefore and make disciples of your nation;

61: 1-3.

operate in your authority and bring the light of Be obedient and Go Therefore – At the wedding of Canaan, Jesus was called to turn water into wine. His mother told the disciples to do whatever He tells them to do. The bible tells us

Christ into your world, transform life’s and be a blessing, that is what God requires of us in this season and I know that He has provided for you to do His will….not yours…..but His!

that obedience is better than sacrifice and also that when we obey, we will eat the fruit of the

Prophetess Jacqueline Ani is the founder of Empowered Woman and programme director of The Mentoring Academy; an author of 3 books, inspirational speaker and transformational leadership guru, Prophetess Jacqueline believes that we all have the ability to achieve God’s greatness in us. To find out more about her programmes, speaking engagements and workshops please go to www.empoweredwoman.org.uk. You can also email her at Jackie@empoweredwoman.org.uk.

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Special Feature | 11

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Women

Stepping Out With Heidi Baker AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Missionary & Author

Special Interview | 13

Interviewing Heidi Baker was one of the highlights

and ministering to crowds of tens and thousands

of my summer.

of people and the Lord told me to “stop and work

How do I even start to describe such a woman who

with the poor,” because I didn’t know the

encompasses the epitome of love, she is love…such

Kingdom. The Lord made it very clear to me that I

an anointed woman of God who does nothing but

was going to learn about His Kingdom from the

smile and give hugs constantly.

poor.

In Indonesia it was a period in my life where God

The first time I heard about Heidi Baker was when

told me to give away everything I had but to keep

I was having a discussion with a friend Dr Carol

for myself one outfit to wear and another one to

Tomlin and she mentioned Heidi Baker, a

wash and learn from the poor.

missionary who had nursed her husband who was

So they taught me their language and they took

ill with dementure for 2 years and was on the

care of me. At that time my little son was in his

verge of death back to full restoration.

stroller.

Heidi Baker knows and believes in miracles

After they gave me the treasure of their language,

because she is a witness to what God is doing in

the women that I had been working with back

and through her ministry in Mozambique and all

then, perhaps 60 of them in total all gave their lives

over the world in the lives of children.

to Jesus within 6mths of speaking their language I love languages and I am learning my ninth one. I

What amazed me was her humble spirit to discern

don’t speak languages perfectly, but it is the

God even in mishaps

process of learning that I love and this brings me such joy. It’s about the kanosis. It’s about the

Heidi Baker leaves a strong mark of Christ on

emptying and the self-learning. It is a humbling

everyone’s mind once been with her, she left me

process because people tend to laugh at you all the

wanting more of Christ and I personally believe

time.

that is what every Kingdom Minded woman should do leave an unforgettable mark, a sweet

WEW: What did you learn about the Kingdom of

smelling aroma of Christ wherever they go.

God through working with the poor?

WEW : Who is Heidi Baker?

HB: Blessed are the poor in spirit for ‘There’s is the Kingdom of God.’

HB: I am a lover of Jesus with all of my heart. I am a little momma who loves Jesus and loves people.

God began to teach me about the attributes of the poor.

WEW: What was the inspiration behind you moving to Indonesia?

I saw that the poor were dependent on others and

HB: I was in Asia and I was doing dance drama

not on themselves. I learnt from them that I needed

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

14 | Women Stepping! to be completely dependent upon God in the same

back was ‘Well you do now!’ He told me not to go

manner as the poor, being humble and lowly

and speak in a church at that time, but to go and

before God! They taught me that I needed to hold

learn the language and so the kids began to teach

‘Daddy God’s hand’ for anything and everything. I

me Changana and Portuguese.

learnt that I needed to stay connected to Jesus,

From then onwards I started bringing them home

being totally needy before God. Staying poor in

one by one and now we care and feed 20,000

spirit, because after all the Kingdom of God

children per day.

belongs to the poor.

WEW: I have noticed that wherever you go you WEW: When you planted the Believers Centre

seem to learn from the poor and the children,

you lead the church for 4 years and then left it to

would you say Jesus called you to learn from

go study Theology at the University of London,

people?

would you say that decision prepared you for the relocation to Mozambique?

HB: Mostly, my whole life has been about learning.

I am always learning and I love it.

HB: At the age of 16yrs I encountered a powerful

Learning firstly from God and then learning from

vision that called me to Africa, Asia and England.

His people.

Jesus literally came to me and I saw Him kiss my left hand and oil ran down my arm and He said

WEW: Where you prepared for the conditions that

‘You are Married to Me.’

met you in Chihango, high population of

During that vision my hand was lifted up for 3hrs

orphans, extreme poverty, children who were

without a break. When the vision ended I was

infected etc.?

positive that I was called as a minister and a missionary to go to Africa, Asia and England. I

HB: No, I wasn’t prepared at all.

thought it would be in that order, but it turned out

I had been working with the poor for many years

to be Asia, England and then Africa and now I

with my husband by this stage, but I had not seen

travel all around the world.

the kind of poverty I was about to be exposed to. It

After I finished my PHD I knew that I was called to

was beyond anything we had ever seen in Asia or

go to Mozambique but to do what, I didn’t know.

the West before. It was completely beyond.

(Obviously I was there to lead people to Jesus, but

Children were literally starving to death and

that was all I knew.)

nothing really prepares you for that.

When the Lord told me to go, He told me ‘I want you to go and sit on the street corner and now I

You should never prepare yourself (in your mind)

want you to take in all the children.’ There were

‘I’m just going to get through with this without

just 100’s of kids (thousands) everywhere, sleeping

feelings.’ You need to be able to break. You need to

in and on piles all over the place. So I said to the

be able to cry. You need to be able to see because

Lord ‘I don’t do children.’ The response that I got

we serve a God who sees, who hears, who feels and

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

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16 | Women Stepping! who moves and He is asking us to do the same.

God is not deaf or blind. He is looking for His people who will love.

Once you see dying children being sold for a piece of bread. Once you see and hear their screams or watch their silent tears, you no longer say that they are not your responsibility. God makes us all responsible.

God wants the eyes of the Western bride to be healed so that we can see.

WEW: What can you tell us about the transformation that took place when Iris Ministries took over the Chihango centre?

HB: Back then we started with 70/80 in the children centre but it was the governments centre and they took everything away from us after we had it fixed up, so we just kept on building and building and now we have 36 spaces.

WEW: Building is something that I really take seriously, especially when God is building because He breaks you so that you can build for Him. How long has it taken you to build up to 20,000 and what has it taken from you?

HB: It has taken 20 years of our life. We have been in Mozambique for 20 years now, reaching out to 20,000 children per day.

WEW: You are very humble, inspiring and an anointed woman of God and as you speak I discern the Spirit of God. What has the rebuilding of the Chihango centre taught you?

HB: We need to really depend upon God to build AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Women Stepping! | 17 and also help His people. We cannot do anything by ourselves. At first we do start the digging process by ourselves, but as time goes on people do come along to help you dig and the beauty of it all is that in due season you build a team and then you build a family. For me it’s all about family and kids.

Kids that I found dying under trees or in the garbage have now become leaders in every field. Yes we have lots of buildings, but I don’t care for the buildings, I care for building the family. We are building people and we are building teams.

WEW: What does it do to you when you see the children and how they were back then, to how they are now?

HB: It’s my greatest joy to see the children succeed.

Some of them do fall and don’t do as well, but we just keep on loving them back to God. The ones that bring the greatest joy are the ones who are just running after God. They’ve become doctors, lawyers, architects, engineers and leaders in their profession. I do cry often as a little momma. We have 20 years of celebrations, we had a huge senior governmental meeting that took place and people right under the president were sent to our Mozambique base.

Although I was away here in the UK, my kids took over back there and ran the whole thing. They are all grown up now but they

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18 | Women Stepping!

will always be my kids. They ran everything as

you. Stop telling me how small your gift is. I love

Base Director, Senior Director, and

you and I can use you.’ There was something that

Administrator. They literally took over the whole

struck me that day about identity that changed

thing and did everything themselves, I am so

my whole perception. I learnt that I am not

proud of them.

insignificant to God and if God possesses me and

I love to see others sour. I’m like ‘you jump on

if Jesus possesses me, then I can approach the

my back and now spring off of it and let’s see

world through faith in Him that ‘All things are

how far you can sour.’

possible through Him and in him who believes.

Now I go to work with God. I go to work with

WEW: For the benefits of our readers, how

Abba. I get the privilege to work through Jesus

important is it to offer our gifts to God no matter

and He is the significant one. He can do anything

how small or insignificant it may seem to us?

through anyone who is yielded to Him. So it is not just important to give Him your gift, it is

HB: For years and years I would cry to God

critical and once you know that you are not an

saying I am so sorry all I have to give to you is

orphan and that you are literally ‘A daughter of

this (looking at nothing in her hands). I would

God, a son of God.’ You are literally His and you

feel like my gift was so pitiful. I would say to

stop making excuses and just give Him

God ‘I don’t know what you want me to do with

everything about you things change.

this but here it is.’ I would do this for years. God once told me in the Mozambique language ‘Zippi

WEW: You’ve experienced God in miracles,

na bonga’ (Swahili) This means ‘Zip your mouth!’

healing emotionally and physically. How important is it for us as Christians to operate in

He went on to say ‘I love your offering, I love

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

the supernatural?

Women Stepping! | 19

received the ability to hear that night alone. The HB: We have to live in the scriptures and

scientists were crying and the kids were just so

always be in the scriptures. If you read the

happy. The kids are used to this type of activity.

gospels Jesus was always doing miracles. It was

We have a lot of those who are blind seeing, the

about the kingdom and it was about Him.

cripple walking and the deaf hearing, the poor

Jesus is a God of miracles!

hear the good news, lepers are healed, and we

Three times a week my team and I would visit

still do have Leprosy in Mozambique.

another village (99% of the people in the village were of another faith. Now we have 3,000 plus

In Nashville Tennessee I had a very old lady

churches in the north in 13-14 years)

who was stone deaf wearing hearing aids, I had her take out her hearing aids God opened her

We have all those churches because every time

ears and we got medical confirmation back that

we went to the village as a team, the deaf

she was able to hear. It’s so cool because this is

always hear always! It’s been proven.

happening all over the world. Switzerland, America, Asia.

We had two scientists from Herbart visit; they heard me say it and they were like ‘right! Can

I cried when that old lady’s was healed to hear

we come?’ The first night the kids and I were in

in Nashville, it was awesome and I’m never

the bush I told them not to touch anyone

going to take it for granted. I am so blessed to

until the scientist say that we can.” the two

see Jesus working, put yourself in her shoes. ‘If

guys’ went ahead and put on auditory devices

you were deaf for years and then suddenly you

on those who were deaf and my kids wondered

get your hearing back, that changes everything

what they were doing?’ So I told them ‘God

for you instantly.

wants to bless them too and this is what they have to do to understand.

WEW: Women on the frontline of ministry have sometimes sacrificed their marriages to

This is their way of learning and understanding

answer the call of God on their lives, should

things.’ My kids wondered ‘why don’t they

this be the case?

understand and just believe that Jesus still heals today?’ My kids were so confused about the

HB: No!

scientists not understanding.

WEW: You are married and you work together, So my kids would pray, some of them would be

but I still see you both as an item. God is

10-11 years old and so full of God that they

using both of you mightily. How did it get to

would just pray and suddenly about 7 people’s

that point and has God always used you both

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20 | Women Stepping! in that way?

marriage and probably more than any other way.

Every marriage has challenges and there is

HB: Rolland really branded the Administrative

probably no marriage that exists without it, but

side of the ministry but then he got very sick

that is where love always wins. You just have to

almost died and his brain almost shut off. When

lay your life down and love your husband

he came back, he came back with a lot of fire, a lot

unconditionally and give it all that it takes and

of Holy Spirit fire and now he speaks all over.

that in itself is a huge part of ministry.

WEW: How did you handle daily life when you

WEW: Lack of funds can be a major issue and

were going through that type of challenge as a

affects missionaries travelling, in your own

women and a wife who is on the frontline?

experience, how much preparation is practical and how much of it just believing God by faith?

HB: It was a very challenging season to be going to the bush and seeing miracles that I would

HB: All of it is believing God by faith. We went

encounter every night. The deaf hearing, the lame

with a one way ticket and $30 (dollars). We had

walking and then I would go home and Rolland

no church support and we never begged, but we

would be drooling. He wouldn’t know where he

trusted God!!! We were hungry but we never

was. He would have to be showered, fed, this

died. We were skinny but we survived and now

was a very challenging time and yet God was

there is an abundant provision.

doing the miraculous in another part of my life.

We waited patiently for 2 years for Rolland’s

WEW: In this end times many of God’s people

healing to come. The Lord told me it was my job

are looking for the money first before they step

to love and it was His job to heal, so that is what I

out and trust God, but surely if God has called

did.

you shouldn’t you ‘Just go?’

WEW: Is there such a thing as separating

HB: If you can’t live simply or poor with very

ministry from marriage?

little God is not going to trust you with much.

For 12 years we did not even have a vehicle, but

HB: Marriage is part of your ministry, you can’t

now we have 100s of vehicles. When we left we

separate it.

could barely feed ourselves but now we feed

If you stepped into covenant, that was something

20,000 a day. It’s a daily process of walking in

that you chose and that in itself is a very strong

faith with Him and if you are faithful with little

decision to make, so if you choose covenant then

God will give you more.

you are going to have to deal with that choice you have made.

WEW: What is your definition of an ‘Empowered Woman?’

God will begin to refine you through your

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Women Stepping! | 21

HB: An empowered woman is fully laid down before the Lord. An empowered woman would

HB: I have 15 in total.

be a John 15 kind of woman fully abiding in Jesus, fully laid down.

Two are natural born and all of my other kids

All of the branches that don’t bear fruit must

are equally my children although they are

and will be burned off of her and she would be

adopted. We are mom and dad to all.

a fruitful tree. Like a Psalm 1 and John 15 type of woman, fully connected to Jesus. She would

WEW: Having to bring up your own biological

be fully in love with Jesus. She will know who

children as well as your adoptive children

she is. She will know that she is a daughter and

must in some way have been a challenge in

as a daughter she would not be afraid to go low

some ways.

and sit with the lowliest because her identity

How have your biological children coped as

will be found in Abba. She is free, a free

you are mother and father to many children?

women!

HB: There were challenges, one day my WEW: What do you apportion the successful

daughter my little blonde haired daughter, I

growth of Iris Ministry to?

remember her sinking down next to the car saying ‘Do you love them more then you love

HB: JESUS (Lots of laughter) No doubt about it!

me?’ I remember that day because she was just crying and there I was busy with everything

WEW: How do readers get up to date

that was going on around me and there were

information about Iris Ministries?

also all the other kids to attend to. I’ll never forget that day. I then begun to try and find

HB: You can just go on our website

special ways that I could pour into each and

irisglobal.org. I’m also excited because my

every one my children and find really unique

spiritual kids, my adopted kids and my

but creative ways to nurture them all.

biological kids are doing these video updates all the time on You Tube, so there is a lot of a

I often call my natural children on the phone. I

current footage on You Tube.

listen to them and we pray together and we talk together. We do all we can to meet up with one

For example, we have one video where this

another regardless of our busy life and plans.

witch doctor and his wife who had leper, received salvation and was healed. You can watch that on You Tube right now and its fresh footage that happened just a few days ago before I left Mozambique.

WEW: How many children do you have?

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

22 | Her Style

3

SUMMER 2015 Winning Wardrobe Essentials

By Ayoola Bandele

Summer is upon us and it gives me great pleasure to share the current trends, report with you. You must have seen them in the shops, in fact I am sure you probably have indulged in adding a piece or two of the new season to your wardrobe. I am here to share the best and timeless wardrobe pieces to add to your increasing wardrobe this season.

ripes t S n o Bret

There has not been a better time than now to invest in stripes. It's clean, it's elegant, it saves you time and it saves you money, it's also the master of disguise.

Clean fashion is the next new thing everybody must embrace.

It's less hassle and it creates the right attention. Stripes help you solve the problem of 'I have nothing to wear' most especially on the day you are in a hurry for that ‘special’ appointment.

Vertical and asymmetrical stripes Image Source: courtesy of Myss at mysilhouettestyle.com

are slimming for the curvaceous, well-endowed sisters and mothers. If emphasising your

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

size is your fashion statement,

Her Style | 23

By Ayoola Bandele Summer was bright and colourful with all its cheeriness.

With the African fashion week in its third year packed with great designs on the runway and London fashion week in September topped it all with fresh trends and style, it’s so hard to let go. Unfortunately as sizzling as summer was with its variety and new designs unveiled, we have to say goodbye to summer and say hello to winter, slowly creeping up on us. After all, nobody pours new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved (Mark 2:21). No matter how much we love the past season, we have to let go that we might move into the new season of life and embrace freshness.

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

24 | Her Style

Image Source: Horizontal Stripes on thenewfashion.com

Change is not always easy. It requires a lot of energy and focus. It means saying goodbye to the old and embraces the new. There’s a need to adjust and adapt to new season no matter how tedious it seems. A little bit of mental, emotional, physical and financial adjustment can be quite daunting but it’s definitely what we need to make the best and look the part without looking all sad and dowdy in the new season. After all, nobody with a reasonable experience in clothes repair would repair an old garment with a new piece of clothing. If the new fabric is sewn to the old garment and it gets wet, it might start to tear until it gets worse, then it’s of no use wearing the garment again. Both garments need to be preserved, so we must do our due diligence to preserve what we have in our wardrobes.

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style | 25

New season means new trends and the shops are packed with your wardrobe essentials. I have no doubt you have stocked up on these essentials every year. I would like to introduce you to new things that would boost your clothing collection, give your wardrobe a ‘facelift’ and keep you warm during the cold season. These items can be mixed and matched with your new season stock neatly folded away in your drawers.

The weather forecast has recently predicted mild winter weather until January. Between now and January, you can wrap up in mink fur poncho and or mink fur gilet worn over slightly thin knitted sweater as shown in the picture below. In January, the weather will become colder and we should expect some snow. In readiness for the harsh weather, wrap up in mink fur coat and or with the mink

Shop St

with my

fur leggings for your legs. These will definitely keep you warm and make you happy during those cold days.

Contact

gs Leggin

don@ho fashion

your bo

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

26 | Her Style s

Poncho

Mink Poncho is very valuable for those dinners out with your husband casually worn over your shoulders or well wrapped around your upper body will guarantee enough warmth for the night.

s

Jacket Reveal your chic style in these hot classic mink jackets. Either of them will transform your outfit within seconds. Paired with black leather skinny trousers or a great pair of skinny jeans and a pair of high heels is bound to take your style and confidence to another level.

Image Source: Courtesy of Stylepantry, addictedtoEtsy, lovebrownsugar, Shala Monroque, and

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style | 27 Gilets A Gilet is a great coat to start the winter season with. Worn over long sleeves turtle neck t-shirt or belted up over a midi jumper with high heeled boots will show your edgy cool style.

Cuffs

According to Marie Claire reporting on the London fashion week, the Spotlight was on cuffs possibly AW15’s favourite zone to experiment with, the wrist. Celine went XXL with their beautifully gathered bell cuffs, while Michael Kors and Gucci chose to emphasise sleeves with muff-style fluffy panels.

Read more Here

Image by Myss

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

28 | Her Style Collar

Scarf Well you don’t have to break the bank for the designers spotted mink cuffs; you can invest in the one right here for a fraction of the designer gear at MySS boutique.

Order your winter warmers from MySS boutique and get 10% off your first order over ÂŁ50. Simply email silhouettelondon@hotmail.co.uk or contact MySS on 07428446994 for your orders.

Images by Myss Boutique

Ayoola Bandele is an image consultant who offers unique services unique and tailored to individuals and personalities. Perhaps you are looking to portray the right image for those special occasions, or you just want to declutter your wardrobe. My services are classy, sassy, edgy, cool, decent and unique. Contact me for fashion and style advice. Are you willing to work with me in becoming the real valuable, unique you? Do not hesitate to contact me.

God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly much more than you could ever ask or think of. He is about to do something GREAT. Only if you ask, seek and knock. https: silhouettetrends.com

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

30 | Her Style

ARE YOU A

Winner OR A LOSER How to Find your Inner Winner

By Florence Achama Ukpabi

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style | 31

“Are you a Winner or a Loser?”

But, you were born a star and, not only that, you have the desire to bring change to the world, if this wasn’t you, you would have stopped

T

hat’s what he used to say, as he shouted at the top of his lungs to the passers-by intent on ignoring him.

People probably took a quick

reading this by now but you haven’t. You’re still reading because deep down you know that you are a winner.

Maybe it’s because you know this at a freakishly

glimpse at him and thought to themselves

cellular level, that you can’t help scratching your

‘loser’, but in his eyes, were it mattered most, he

head in confusion about how this will all work

was a winner.

out- you feel stuck. Maybe it seems so huge to

As someone who works to help female entrepreneurs dress their brand for success, I’m not surprised that the way this man looked was enough for the content of his message to seem inconsequential. It’s sad but true, our image

you that it looks out of place and feels unrealistic in the cut-throat world of today. You’ve gone and tucked your potential away out of harm’s reach but in doing so, you’ve tucked away your inner winner.

matters but today I don’t want to talk about that,

You’ve reached the place where you are now

today I want to go below the surface.

looking around at your peers and can see their

Your image is only one part of what attracts people and as such opportunities to you, albeit a big, unconscious part but the truth is that no matter how good you look on the outside, if you don’t feel like a winner on the inside that’s what people will see.

I have a theory. My theory is that the people with the most to give to the world are often the ones who feel that they are the least worthy, unfortunately the world around them will only

success, this only fuels your sense of unworthiness and doubt. You think to yourself, why them and not me? You focus on all of their strengths and abilities, you magnify those and if you can at all notice your own strengths you discard them as unimportant, after all if they were so great you wouldn’t be where you are right now – would you?

Have you stopped to consider why your friends and peers seem more successful than you?

stamp in that perspective. Call it survival of the

Could it be that they don’t have the same visions

fittest or whatever you wish, but in the animal

and dreams as you?

kingdom any perception of weakness is like a

Could it be that they are happy exactly where

green card to tear that poor creature to shreds.

they are?

By picking on the weak guy and making him feel even weaker, their chances of rising to the top increase.

It’s much more easy for a person to be ordinary than it is for a person to be extra-ordinary, ordinary people either don’t have big dreams or

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

32 | Her Style they are too afraid to make their dreams a

fired as a TV reporter with the comment that she

reality.

was ‘unfit for TV’.

In the same vein extra-ordinary people aren’t

Vera Wang was passed over for Editor-in-Chief

afraid of failing, because they’d rather die trying

Position at Vogue, but it was the catalyst she

than die never having attempted to live their

needed to launch her career as a wedding dress

dream. Many of those people who we look up to

designer at the age of 40.

as extra-ordinary folk practiced the art of serially failing with finesse or great gusto –

I think the lesson here is clear, if you truly want to make an impact on the world, if you want to

Winston Churchill lost every election for public

re-connect with your inner winner then you

office until he finally became Prime Minister of

have to dig deep and find the courage to try and

Britain at the fair age of 62. His motto, “never,

live instead of settling for survival mode.

never, never, never give up”.

Thomas Edison of the light bulb was another world class ‘failer’ – he failed to invent the light bulb 10,000 times but succeeded on his 10,001st attempt. When asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times he replied, “I didn’t fail 10,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 10,00 steps.”

Ahhh, I see.

So, let’s look at some practical take-away steps: Write out at least 10 of your strengths, skills or abilities and stick them in a place you can see (so that’s probably the fridge or the mirror – kidding). Anytime you feel like beating yourself up with the unworthy stick, take a stroll over to your list and remind yourself why you are worthy.

Oprah Winfrey came from an abusive background, facing both sexism and harassment at work before rising to be one of the most iconic black women in television. Ironically, she was

Make a commitment today to do one thing that you would normally shy away from, it doesn’t have to be anything big even small changes can influence where we end up tomorrow.

Achama Ukpabi Florence (also called Achama) uses her training in psychology, counselling, education and colour to make the world a better and a more beautiful place. She can be found helping female entrepreneurs express their personal/business brand confidently using the Power of Colour or supporting Christians with Chronic Illness live life to the max. She is available to speak on self-expression, personal development and inner healing and shares her own journey of inner healing and dealing with Chronic illness to encourage and support others.

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Wholeness | 33

+

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34 | Her Style

HOW TO STOP BEING A PROFFESIONAL

QUITTER

By Mildred Talabi

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style | 35

A Personal Confession I cried last weekend.

Not a big full on weep type of cry but the cloudyeyed 'how did it get like this? ' type of cry.

I cried because I finally admitted to myself what's been a truth for most of my life without me realising it until now, and that is that I am a "professional quitter".

In case you don't know what a professional quitter is, I'm going to explain. But in order to explain I have to get a little personal and take you back nearly two decades to what would classify as the beginning of my professional life.

In the beginning...big dreams I graduated from university in 2004 with a degree in Creative Writing and Film Studies. Back then, as a bright-eyed 21-year-old, I had dreams of becoming a journalist and building a media empire like Rupert Murdoch. But here's the thing – I didn't just have big dreams, I had drive, determination and action to go with it.

In my second year of university I started an inspirational magazine called Deeper with the help of some student volunteers. I used ÂŁ2,000 of my student loan to print 1,000 copies of the magazine to give away. This was to be the beginning of my media empire except.....Deeper started and ended with that first edition. We didn't have any money to produce another issue so I shipped boxes and boxes of

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

36 | Her Style

surplus copies to my parent's attic and closed the

Quitting in business

chapter on that. That was big quit number 1.

A very early mid-life crisis

Fast-forward another two years and I was back using my journalism training, except in a slightly different way. I was now working in

Two years after graduating and during my time

communications part time and doing freelance

working as the Assistant Editor of an urban film

writing and editing the rest of the time. I wasn't

magazine, I received a full scholarship from

earning a lot, but at least I was doing what I

News International to study journalism at

wanted in life (or so I reasoned).

Harlow College where the likes of Piers Morgan, Richard Madeley and Alan Rusbridger earnt

Around this time my husband (I'd got married

their stripes.

by then) and I started a business by accident. He got turned on to raw foods and discovered he

News International had been giving out just two

was pretty good at making very tasty things

scholarships a year to bright and promising

using only fruits, vegetables, nuts and seeds in

journalists for nearly ten years. I was the

their natural state. We needed money to buy the

exception - I became the third person to be

equipment needed to sustain our intended new

granted a scholarship in 2006, and this after I

raw food lifestyle so we wrote a business plan,

was offered (and turned down) a paid staff role

got some free youth business funding, and Raw

at the then up and coming pioneering free

Love UK came into existence as a company in

newspaper, The London Paper.

June 2009.

I aced the journalism training, got my NCTJ, and

Our first six months was a crazy rollercoaster of

went to work for The Guardian as a Junior

excitement. We had clearly tapped into a

Commissioning Editor on the G2 supplement.

growing market here and had more demand

After six weeks in the role, I left the job and

than we were equipped to supply with both of

spent the next six months to a year in a

us in day jobs and, to be honest, also with our

very early mid-life career crisis. I stopped

other competing interests. But that drive,

reading newspapers, switched off the news and I

determination and action kicked in once again

really couldn't care less about Rupert Murdoch

and I won the Platinum Award for Best Business

or anything media-related for that matter. I

Vision in November 2009 at the very first Brand

abandoned my "promising" journalism career

Piano business women programme (now called

and went to work in a shoe shop at minimum

Brand Amplifier). This brought in money, PR

wage. Cue big quit number 2.

and speaking invitations, as well as being

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style | 37 shortlisted for Best Woman in Business at the

a Winning CV, and my second, The Science of

Lambeth Business Awards the following year.

Successful Job Hunting; and there's also my CV Makeover Expert business which started over

Everything was great for a while and then

nine years ago and is still going today.

slowly Raw Love UK got pushed to the side as my husband returned to full time employment

The truth is there is a difference between a

and I busied myself in my other activities. Yes,

professional quitter and a regular quitter.

we had dreams of introducing a "healthy McDonalds" to London with takeaway raw foods you can order on the go; we had access to

Professional quitters versus regular quitters

mentors who could help take Raw Love UK to the next level if we wanted it, and we even had a

The difference between professional quitters and

seriously impressive health supplements

regular quitters might be subtle but they're there

producer wooing us for a potential

all the same:

sponsorship. But none of this was enough to



stop big quit number 3.

Regular quitters are stereotypically lazy and lack motivation; professional quitters are usually hardworking, driven

Embracing the painful truth

and self-motivated. 

Regular quitters are often afraid to try new

Now I can go on and on with more examples of

things; professional quitters are usually

great things I've started and quit along the way

bold and daring, charging towards new

but there's no point depressing myself, or you

things like a brave king in one of

for that matter. It was only through having an

those Lord of the Rings movies.

honest but painful look back over my life that I



Regular quitters attempt very little and

came to the realisation that I am indeed a

quit the few things they do

professional quitter and, if you're still reading

attempt; professional quitters attempt a lot

this, you might be too.

of things but might not see things through for one reason or another.

Before I go on to my definition of what a



Regular quitters have small dreams, if any

professional quitter is, it's important to point out

at all; professional quitters often have big

that professional quitters don't just have a string

dreams and big goals.

of quits behind them, they also have some

You see, professional quitters have enough

successes too - often great successes. Among my

visible success in their lives to not look like a

many quits have been some highlights of things I

failure in the eyes of other people, but like an A-

did start and finish - like my first book, 7 Keys to

star student scraping by on C-pluses, the

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

38 | Her Style professional quitter knows the truth on the inside - the truth that they could be so

It's so important to become accountable when

much more than they are.

you're trying to overcome anything. Find someone you can trust who can hold you

The good news is you don’t have to stay a

accountable to finishing the things you start -

professional quitter. Just like recovery from any

whether on a small or large scale.

other habit or addiction, there are steps you can follow to get better.

Three steps to stop being a professional quitter

3) Action We professional quitters are pretty good at taking action so this third step is an encouragement to continue taking action - all the

1) Acknowledgement

way to the very end. Whether it's that book you started writing three years ago, or that business

If you've read and identified with this article,

plan that's been gathering dust on your coffee

congratulations you've already completed this

table, if it was worth starting at one point then it

step! Without acknowledgement of your

is worth finishing.

"condition" it would be very difficult to get over it and who knows how many more years of

Or as Ecclesiastes 7:8 puts it: Better is the end of

professional success you would have sacrificed

a thing than the beginning thereof…”

in the process.

Stop quitting and start finishing.

2) Accountability

Mildred Talabi is an award-winning UK-based careers blogger, speaker, writer and

author with over nine years of experience in the industry. As a committed Christian, Mildred is passionate about inspiring and changing lives in the realm of business and careers and enjoys sharing this message in churches and other platforms. For more information and bookings, visit www.mildredtalabi.com

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style | 39

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Find Your

PLACE, POSITION PURPOSE

&

By Omowunmi Olunloyo AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Her Style Style || 41 41

A

dmit it, you've been asked that question too many times, "So, what is your life’s purpose?" in every social gathering, church event, conferences even at trainings. You smile, nod and reply, " I think (blah, blah blah) and (blah, blah, blah).

Repeating your job title and where you work as your life purpose or perhaps you say I don’t know I am still searching.

How do you find your place, position & purpose in life and occupy it? I’m not talking about your employment, your daily duties, or even your long-term goals. I mean the reason why you’re here — the very reason you exist. Why are you here? Perhaps you feel you have lost yourself, maybe you are beginning to worry a little or a lot about your life and maybe you are losing sleep at times?

Perhaps where you want to be is where you are designing your life so it is a true reflection of your purpose and maybe you want the joy of living according to your purpose; and perhaps where you want to be in your life is where you are making a difference.

According to vocabulary.com to find something means:to discover it, to determine the existence, presence, or fact of; come upon, as if by accident; obtain through effort or management; succeed in reaching; arrive at.

A place is position, an area, a spot, or a space; an area set aside for a particular purpose; assign a location to; an abstract mental location.

A position is a point where something is located, as in on a map or the posture it’s arranged in such as an upright position, a job in an organisation; an item on a list, or in a sequence; the act of putting something in a certain place.

When you do something with purpose, you do it with determination. When your activities have a purpose, you have an aim or intention in mind.

Purpose is what something is used for; an anticipated outcome that is intended or that guides your planned actions.

A woman’s primary call is to be a helper. You were made to help. Every celebrated woman has helped e.g.

Esther the Queen, Deborah the Prophetess and a judge, Ruth wife of Boaz, Abigail wife of Nabal, Mary mother of Jesus and the list is not exhaustive. There is a place that God has prepared for you John 14:1-6 that is why you can approach life with calmness and peace because God has prepared a place. There is a reserved sign where your person is concerned.

All you have to do is find your way into the place.

Think about it for a moment; reflect on your journey so far. There has to be a reason why you survived all the challenges that happened in your life.

Seriously think about it again. You persevered and endured in difficult situations, you fought back (the good fight of faith), even when you did not have any fight left in you. You weathered the storm, you withstood opposition and infact when you look back, you don’t know how you made it this far.

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

42 | Her Style You need to realise that the challenges you go through are not meant to bring you down; but to stir you up; they are not yours they are for your generation. God kept you, protected you and covered you; how in the world could you think that you went through all of that for nothing?

There must be something in front of you that is more important than everything that is behind you. You must be significant otherwise you wouldn’t have the opposition that you have in your life.

This is for you; if you are sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and ready to break out of the box and be all that God has called you to be. I want to share with you how to get from where you are to where you want to be.

has God said to you? What makes you angry?

What are you passionate about? Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Ecclesiastes 9:10. The key lies in the answers to all these questions.

Know your fears: what is holding you back?

What self-limiting belief are you holding on to?

What scares you? What is your mindset? What is stopping you? Deuteronomy 31:6, Isaiah 41:13, 2Tim1:7. Release your fears to God. Know when to start: timing is everything. Seek God’s face and spend time in His presence and God will reveal himself to you. God has all the answers. Matthew 6:33, Jeremiah 29:11

Know who you are: who are you? The Bible is

“Your life is meant to make impact”. God’s will is that your life makes impact, start living that life Now. There are lots of needs in the world, there is a ministry in you, and there is work to be done.

You can only function when you are in your place.

Find your place, position and purpose and stay in your place. Occupying it till Jesus comes.

clear about that in Gen 1:26-28. Understanding who you are makes a massive impart on how you act, behave and carry yourself. Believe and say what the bible says you are continually.

For further information and advice about finding your place, position and purpose www.omowunmiolunloyo.blogspot.co.uk

Know you gift and calling: what do you have

Connect with us

is the question Elisha asked the widow in 2Kings 4: 1-7 and she replied nothing SAVE a jar of oil.

This jar of oil is what paid her debt and changed her life. So I ask you what do you have. Romans 11:29, Proverbs 18:16.

Omowunmi Olunloyo/Facebook @OmowumiOlunloyo/twitter 07502207605

STEPS TO FINDING YOUR PLACE, POSITION AND PURPOSE

Know where you are: where are you right now?

What season are you in? What works have you done? What is burning on the inside of you? What

Remain Elevated, Tok

Omowunmi Olunloyo or Toks, as she is also known, is an inspirational speaker and author with a true calling to motivate, educate, empower and encourage women to live their best life NOW

by Finding their Place, Position and Purpose and remind them that they are Valuable to God and can live a Fulfilled Well Balanced Life. Omowunmi loves working with working mums, helping them live their best life by finding their place, position and purpose. For more information visit www.omowunmiolunloyo.blogspot.co.uk AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

44 | Her Wholeness

Need You…

I DON’T NEED YOU

WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST from Zero to Hero

By Zoe A. Onah

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style | 45

D

ear Naomi

to die too and then Chilion your other son, that was the biggest shocker! He was the perfect

I don’t know where to begin. News

child. Complete. Everything any mother could

has finally reached us with what

want in a son. He too has gone!

happened. We are truly sorry. I,

myself just can’t understand it all.

I heard your sons were married. I hope they married women of our stock. I know you were

How are you coping? You had so much going for

living in foreign quarters. Elimech was from the

you when you were here; before the economic

tribe of Judah; they are the ones who always have

troubles hit our land. We have heard about your

praise on their lips. I hope your sons were able to

husband Elimelech, of his tragic death, and also

find good Jewish women where you lived even

that of Mahlon, your son. I recall he was always

though that would have been a tall order because

sickly, that’s why he had the name. But …for him

no good Jew would immigrate to Moab. Everyone

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46 | Her Wholeness

knows a good Jewish daughter-in-law would stick

You are right …another thing I regret is that I wish

with her mother-in-law. I myself do not trust

my sons had not married foreign women. But one

those incestuous Moabites, their women…

thing, they dealt with their husbands kindly. I

loose. Naomi, those people are cursed. Remember

can’t give them sons now. Who would want to

what they did to our forefathers?

marry an old woman now anyway? And if I did, would they wait around until they were old

Anyway, Naomi, I am praying to the God of our

enough to be married? Life grieves me so

fathers to have mercy on you. (We are all doing

much. The hand of God has turned against me. I

well here by the way. The economy has recovered

am the one who caused their pain. I can’t forgive

in Bethlehem. Naomi, bread never runs out in

myself because my daughters-in-law have always

Bethlehem! I just had my third grandson, by the

been good to me.

way). Anyway, you know how much I love you. Please drop a line and let us know how you

However, I told them yesterday to return to their

are doing at anytime.

parents’ home. I am heading back home, coming back to Judah. In spite of the bitterness of my soul,

Mary

I will yet praise God. I feel Him telling me to come back home.

But hear this. Orpah, the wife of Chillion had sense and left. On her leaving, we cried and cried. I was so heartbroken. Life can be so

Dear Mary

desperately cruel. But I have hope for Orpah. She is beautiful like a gazelle. Now Ruth, on the other

I am no longer called Naomi. My name is Mara. I

hand, I don’t know what that woman is made

used to be a delight. Is that not what Naomi

of! She has always been a friend to me. Ruth

means? The God of Elimech has dealt bitterly with

would not hear of going to her people. Talk about

me. I have lost everything. Everything! There is

one strong headed woman! After all she suffered

bitterness in my soul.

looking after her sickly husband. She actually said

Mary, oh Mary I live constantly with regret. I

my people will be her people. My God her God.

wish we had not left when things got

Mary, God has given me hope through Ruth. I

hard. Elimelech was a king, is that not what his

really was not expecting Ruth to come back with

name implied. We should have trusted the God of

me. We are lodging in an inn at the

a king. Maybe God would have healed Mahlon at

moment. Don’t have any money left. Mahlon’s

Bethlehem. Why could we not see that bread

health bills cost so much money in the land of

would never run out in Bethlehem? Does not

Moab. There were no priests we could go

Bethlehem mean house of bread?

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Wholeness | 47 to. Another heavy regret.

I left our land full and

Dear Mara

now the Lord has brought me back empty.

Yes I know Boaz very well, Mara! Boaz is a very Mara

fine rich man of good stock!

If I know him well, he

is just being polite to Ruth. He is a fine Jewish man to the core. A man like that needs a good Jewish girl like my daughter. He has been to our synagogue once when he was here on business. He will not marry a foreign woman who has been a pagan. He is a righteous and upright man like my Dear Mara

husband.

I am happy you have seen sense. Maybe, just

Don’t raise your hopes too much Mara. I don’t

maybe, God will be kind to you.

want to see you disappointed further. I did not

Mary

want to say, but you and your sons sinned and offended God. You will have to pay for those sins. All I can pray is for God’s mercy on you. He is merciful, Mara. At least now when you die, you will not be buried in Moab. Your life however, has become bitter, an old lady with no family. But thank God He gave you friends like me who can

Dear Mary We are home! I mean Ruth and I are home. We are settling in. But it is hard, so many memories of happy times and how much I have lost. My life seems over. But strangely, I feel God is saying it is not.

point you in the right direction and remind you of the Law. You know my husband is a scholar.

I will be praying for God’s mercy for you as always at the synagogue tonight!

Mary

Ruth has found work which is very good news. You know Boaz? She works for him. He has shown extra kindness and so much favour to Ruth. He seems very impressed what Ruth has sacrificed for me. In my hopelessness, I feel God is

Dear Mary

giving me hope! I asked Ruth to go over to Boaz’s

God is a good God. God does not count our sins threshing floor yesterday evening. Please join me in against us. He is not standing with a big stick prayer that all goes well! waiting to catch us out. He is merciful and full of Mara (Naomi)

grace. He blots out our sins. He gives us beauty for AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

48 | Her Wholeness ashes. When we think it is over, that is when life

Dear Mary

is just beginning.

God is so good. Sorry I have not written in a Mary, I have good news. God has turned my

while. But 1000 years is like 1 day to God. God

mourning to dancing again. When I thought there

has really shown that He never gives up on

was no hope, God came along... Boaz asked for

us. His love is unfathomable.

Ruth’s hand in marriage. I am excited. Weeping endures for a night but joy comes in the morning.

Ruth is happily married to Boaz. I am a

God has shown that he is not like man. He

grandmother too. I am even suckling the

forgives us. He does not withhold His hand on

child. He is called Obed. What a fitting name. It

account of our mistakes. I was wrong before

means ’serving’. Yes, this child will serve

about Him…He does not use the devil’s tools to

God. God told me last night that this child is extra

punish us. I am so glad I came back to

special. A generation will come from him. This

Him. Many don’t come back to Him when they

child is the restorer of my life. A nourisher, in my

make a mistake, or even sin, or worse forsake

old age. This is only the Hand of God, Mary.

Him. But His arms are ALWAYS open, ready to receive us. He is not there with a, ‘I told you so’ look; nor does He remind us of what we did. Can you imagine such love?

Rejoice with me.

Naomi

Thanking God at the synagogue tonight.

NOAMI Dear Mary I have not heard from you for a long time. Obed is growing up very nicely. Everyone is saying that Dear Mara Which is it? Are you Mara or are you Naomi?

my daughter-in-law Ruth loves me so much. That Obed is worth more than seven sons. Seven is the number of completeness. God has perfected everything in my life. Kings shall come from

Anyway congratulations I hope it works out for

Obed. I will praise my God forevermore. What

you and the Moabitess. But be careful, these

God has done for me, he can do for anyone…

Moabite woman, they love money. Ruth may just

ANYONE…and if He has never done it, ANYONE

want Boaz’s money. Just saying…

can be the first. After all, where did you ever hear of a Moabite woman forsaking her kindred for her

Mary

mother-in-law to birth a child of promise? That is our God! Naomi

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Wholeness | 49

Zoe A. Onah was born to write. She is the author of the bestseller and the award nominated book, DEFYING THE ODDS – One man’s struggle and victory over mental illness and his wife whose trust in God never failed. Zoe met her husband, Eze, in the 14th year of his tumultuous journey with mental illness and 4 years later, he bounced back, and defied the odds with a clean medical bill of NO mental illness! Their organization, Defying Mental Illness – Put a Full Stop, is reaching out to those faced with mental health challenges to help them not only defy the disease, but also put a full stop to the stigma and discrimination.

Website: www.defyingmentalillness.com Email:info@defyingmentalillness.com

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Wholeness | 51

Renewing The

MIND HOW TO THINK KINGDOM

By Kemi Oyesola

F

irst I would like you to

Did you know that the mind is a part of

understand what the word

the Soul?

‘renew’ means.

Do you also know that the mind is in

When you renew a place, you

your control? Not in the control of God

make it like new again.

or of another person but in your control?

You do away with what is there already

The seat of Thought is the Mind. That

and put something else in its place,

means, when you THINK, your brain

something else; something new.

collects the THOUGHTS and they get

You do not go back to the old

stored on your mind via dendrites in your brain.

Let’s understand the importance of the

Can I actually point out where the mind

mind.

2015isWOMEN EMPOWERING is, I thinkAUTUMN not. That why we are not WOMEN

52 | Her Wholeness God. God has kept some things to

- for each of these will elicit various thoughts.

Himself.

Thoughts are so powerful that you become

To THINK about anything, you have to have that ‘thing’ inside you.

For a thing to get on the inside of you, they need a ‘door way.’

‘Stuff’ gets on the inside of you through your 5 senses – that is the sense of touch, taste, smell, sight and sound this also applies to your body (not just your hand), tongue (mouth), nose, eyes and ears.

what you think. Literally..

‘As A Man THINKS In His Heart, So Is He’ – Proverbs 23:7.

I know you would have heard of this verse but, have you ever really THOUGHT it? Have you thought so long and deeply about it that

This means that you have to be selective about

you live by it?

who you are around and who is around you;

Many have not.

what you listen to, what you smell, what you

However, doing so is critical to living a

see and what you hear; indeed what you touch

Kingdom-Minded life. To live a Kingdom-

VERSE (Proverbs 4)

BODY PART

AWAY FROM

TOWARDS

20 My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.

EAR

21 Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.

EYES & HEART

24 Put away from thee a forward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee.

MOUTH

25 Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.

EYES

YES

26 Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established.

FEET, HEART (MIND)

YES

27 Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.

FEET, HEART (MIND)

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

YES YES

YES

YES

Her Wholeness | 53 Minded life is to THINK Kingdom.

“For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh.” – v.22

TO THINK KINGDOM – ie THE KINGDOM OF GOD – IS TO THINK HIS WORD – THE

Life, healing and health is found only if you do

BIBLE.

with your ears, eyes, feet, heart and mind what

The only way to be Kingdom-Minded, that is,

the Word tells you to.

‘…not being like the world, doing what they do, speaking how they speak, desiring what

But then, there is some more work for you to

they desire - is to ‘BE TRANSFORMED BY THE do.

RENEWING OF YOUR MIND.’ (Romans 12:2)

It is the ‘KEEPING & ‘GUARDING’ part.

You see, it is not enough to do with your eyes,

I will point out the part of your 5 senses the

ears, etc what the Word says you should do,

following verses refer to and what you should

you have to sustain this. Many complain about

do in the table below:

doing something but being unable to sustain or maintain it.

From the table, you can see that the Bible is

If you want to both maintain and sustain (keep

particular about parts of our body. They play a up) something you have to KEEP and GUARD huge part in how our lives turn out.

it.

We have to do whatever we need to do to

We find in Proverbs 4 verse 23, the Amplified

ensure that our minds are filled and therefore

version of the Bible says:

our lives are Kingdom, period.

“Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance

The Bible, in these verses tells you what to do

and above all that you guard, for out of it flow

with your EARS, EYES, FEET, HEART, and

the springs of life.”

MIND. If you didn’t know before, now you do. Let us look at another scripture, a few verses in But there are consequences (another word for

the book of Matthew chapter 12 which really

consequence is HARVEST) to doing these

explains the concept of THOUGHT very

things – and note, YOU have to DO them. They clearly. cannot be done for you. You are in control.

A good man out of the good treasure of the

God will not do it for you either. Thought I

heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil

should make that clear.

man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. Matthew chapter 12 verse 35(KJV)

Now, to the consequences (harvest) of the doing:

What you put on your heart is what you get out of your mouth.

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

54 | Her Wholeness This is crucial because,

THINK THE WORD. This is HOW TO THINK Kingdom. And while doing this,

“… whatever comes out of the mouth comes

KEEP and GUARD your HEART. The springs

from the heart, and this is what makes a man

of life come from the heart, thus it must be

unclean and defiles [him].

kept and guarded above all else.

For out of the heart come … thoughts …

The doorway to your Heart is your

These are what make a man…” – Matthew

THOUGHTS.

15:18-20(KJV) In summary, to RENEW THE MIND IS TO

Kemi Oyesola is known as The BLAST ‘IT’ AWAY! The BLACK BELT Way Coach.

She is mother to 2 adult children – Sarah and Joshua, and a grandmother of the handsomest, most adorable and the cutest of all grandchildren - Josiah. She enjoys aerobics, dancing, walking, various sports and watching brilliant films as well as reading.

CoachKemi has a R-O-A-R in her and will leave you living life 100%-full!

Hers is a journey every person will be inspired by.

'For as a man THINKS in his heart, so is he.'

Connect with CoachKemi Facebook: How2Think Twitter: @How2Think Instagram: How2Think

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Style | 55 Her Wholeness | 55

The Pioneer's Mentoring Franchise Programme (PMFP) The Pioneer Mentoring for Purpose Franchise Programme will seek to apply the following activities to assist you to launch a Kingdom focused training programme using the TEACH – TRAIN – EMPOWER principle.

For more information visit

http://www.thementoringacademy.com/ AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Can You Believe &

LIVE AGAIN after Divorce?

By Zina Arinze

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Her Wholeness | 57

W

hen it comes to divorce, the reality is that many women of faith and female professionals have to “keep up appearances” in ministry or at work

and often times to keep their jobs too. These women feel constrained to resort to mask wearing to hide the pain, shame, stigma and guilt associated with a divorce, separation or relationship breakdown. The reason being that most women in this demographic are seen as strong, collected and in control, they rarely feel able to show their vulnerability for fear of reprisals in terms of their business/professional reputation and/or their positions in terms of their faith walk, Christian or otherwise.

In effect, exhibiting a tough steely exterior while inside they are hurting and but feel disempowered to ask for help, or even may not actually realise that help and support is available.

This is clearly unhealthy and extremely unproductive emotionally, physically and more importantly spiritually.

Daughter of Zion, understand that you are not disqualified on account of divorce and therefore you do not need to “keep up appearances”. YOU are unique, worthy, fabulous, phenomenal, unstoppable, graceful, blessed, empowered and highly favoured.

You are not alone! Just like I once did many years ago, may be you are grappling with a host of issues: like the reality that your marriage is dead, and having to accept the loss of your spouse. Maybe you are struggling with feelings of rejection, betrayal, unforgiveness, shattered dreams and a life seemingly left in ruins. There is no doubt that your personal feelings of pain, betrayal, fear, uncertainty and diminished self-worth has taken a very heavy toll on your heart, your mind and maybe your faith. A breakup is huge, extremely traumatic and AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

58 | Her Wholeness devastatingly hard, I wish I could say it wasn’t.

experience all or even any of these cycles or stages

That being said, I can promise you: THIS TOO

of divorce recovery grief; however as part of your

SHALL PASS. This crisis is one you can and will

Believe and Live Again journey, it is extremely

get through, just like I did, to the other side. This

helpful to know these stages.

loss, this grief is one in which God can bring hope

There are typically 5 to 7 stages running from

and in which you can become strong in the

Denial and shock, Pain and Fear, Anger,

brokenness, empowered and whole again.

Bargaining, Guilt, Depression and Acceptance Acceptance! This is where you want to get to.

Unfortunately, there’s no way to prescribe the

Where you have discovered much about yourself,

number of days, months or years it will take to

have learnt to accept things outside of your

work through the pain and grief of divorce, it can

control and also understand that the past is not

be quick or slow, the pace is determined by power

your focus. More importantly, you are now open

of God which you allow to work through you,

to the many emotional, spiritual and mental

your mindset, your internal coping mechanisms

rewards awaiting you today, tomorrow and for

and at a speed that is right for you. Some of you

the rest of your life. Now that you have accepted

reading this might be saying yeah right Zina!

and gotten over the grief of your divorce or

After all the turmoil and trauma I have been

relationship breakup, the next strategy is to

through, Can I Believe and Live Again after

rediscover YOU,

Divorce? Yes, you can.

Here are just a few of my tried and tested

2.

Rediscovering YOU - Who am I?

strategies to help you do just that: Now I am Divorced, Who Am I? What’s my

1.

Get Over The Grief

identity? In marriage you were a “we”, now you are a “me”. But Who is this “me”? It might sound

The first thing is being able to get over the grief of

trite or clichéd to answer this you need to go back

your divorce. Don’t be ashamed and try and use

to the source, the Word of God, and begin the

bravado, because grief is the perfectly reasonable

process of Rediscovering YOU. How about

response to the emotional pain that comes part

embarking upon a spiritual retreat to recall and

and parcel from divorce, you have experienced a

understand words of prophecy that may have

form of loss so it is understandable that you may feel grief as a result of that loss. Often times the grief can get so strong because you expected your marriage to last forever, you and your ex spouse had a future mapped out together and now that will no longer happen. The grief of divorce travels through cycles or stages based on Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s 1969 - stages of grief. Not everyone will

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

been spoken over your life before and during your marriage? Next, walk by faith in the manifestation of those words of prophecy. If you are not ready to go on a spiritual retreat yet, don’t beat yourself up, start with a rejuvenating SPA day or weekend and keep a daily journal of the revelations God brings forth, chart your progress, your daily wins – whatever you do, commit to pampering yourself and get reacquainted with YOU.

Her Wholeness | 59 3.

Personal Qualities Inventory

2.

Next to Each Word, List Something You Regularly Do

Do a personal qualities inventory. Here’s an

that Qualifies You for the

example:

Positive Trait: Spend some time reviewing

Reflective Activity

1.

List as Many Positive Things About Yourself As You Can Think of: This includes successes, good

each trait.

4.

Reframing your Life Goals

Reframe and set “SMART” goals for your new life that will encourage you to look forward, not backward. Where do you want

relationships, memorable

to be in your life in a year, in five years, ten

events etc.

years?

Empowered woman - can you Believe and Live Again After Divorce? YES, “You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what he said." Luke 1:45

Zina Arinze is a minister of the gospel, fondly known as the Divorce Reinvention Queen and the founder of Believe and Live Again, helping women of faith and female professionals swiftly heal from the grief and trauma of divorce, separation or relationship breakdown by giving them clarity for their radiant future so that they are able to transition their mind-sets from “we” to “me”, reconnect to their positive self, regain their feminine power and walk in the healing restorative power of God. A lawyer by training and armed with an MBA, Zina has over 15 years in IT Project Management Consultancy, Training and Capacity Building for both the Public and Private Sectors, she’s very passionate about building lasting relationships and encouraging the discovery, development and deployment of hidden talents.

If you would like to have an informal chat about with Zina or the any one on the team, don't hesitate to get in touch to schedule a Complimentary Believe and Live Again Coaching Discovery session or a no-obligation 30 minute "Forgive and Let Go" consultation and together, you could be embarking upon the Believe and Live Again 5 R's journey to heal your heart, outgrow your challenges and let go of the past so that your glorious future can finally emerge.

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Building a

KINGDOM

CENTRED Church

By Deaconess Obaseki

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Spiritual Etiquette | 61

I

posted a statement on social media recently as follows: ‘Make disciples and you'll get church. Make church and you'll rarely get disciples’

There was a universal agreement amongst my ‘friends’ on that statement. So it makes it all the more surprising to note that the body of Christ in general still has disparities between building up a church with the focus on numbers, social aspects and growth, AND working to ensure we build discipleship. The latter provides true longevity and a strong base for generations to come.

I’ve experienced 1st hand the effects focusing on building up the church, without building up the people, can have. In recent times there’s been a marked transition in the body of Christ from people "being the church" to people simply "going to church." Some refer to the latter as "the box church."

So let’s distinguish what MAKING THE CHURCH is…….

It’s a fact that some ministries concentrate on either the prophetic or deliverance ministry.

Others may focus on creating and maintaining a family orientated atmosphere where social aspects are the emphasis, without the more challenging and essential issues coming from the word of God. There’s nothing unethical with any of the aspects of ministry I’ve mentioned, after all prophecy is part of the 5 fold (Ephesians 4:11), and Jesus carried out many a deliverance e.g. (Matthew 8: 28-34) AND we must not forsake the gathering of the saints. However, it’s the in-balance and

emphasis on concentrating on one without the other which can cause the ‘church’ to lose sight of the collective Kingdom Centred purpose.

Some ‘members’ of the local church might perceive it as simply a building they attend in order to experience aspects the church is focusing on e.g. prophesy, deliverance or social gatherings and special events, etc. One analogy is a patient attending a doctor’s surgery or hospital with a medical disorder to seek a cure.

The doctor or in this case the Prophet or Pastor identifies the spiritual issue behind the problem.

The Prophet or Pastor then recommends a series of ‘spiritual directions’ – the equivalent of the ‘medicine.’ As soon as the medicine or the prophetic direction has done its job, the patient is well or the problem is solved and no longer needs the doctor or church anymore, and they move on or may occasionally come for a checkup every now and then! Another example is members being attracted to what appeals to their emotions, e.g. when prophesy is delivered or when the physical evidence and effects of deliverance is witnessed it seems thrilling to some onlookers. Once the novelty wears off, however, the ‘member’ loses interest and again may move on. These individuals rarely reach the point of becoming a labourer in the vineyard let alone a disciple. It’s a key issue with churches aspiring to sustain, maintain and grow and is a major reason I believe some leaders complain about fluctuating numbers.

Each service day is as important as each other, but I’ve noticed a trend of the ‘Sunday Best’ mentality for example…..all the Praise and Worship team are present, Ushers wear their best, all the leaders and other workers are in attendance. If a ministry is blessed enough to have a weekday programme typically it may be

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

62 | Spiritual Etiquette

devoid of the same dedication and care, at least that’s been my experience over the years, but I’m sure there are exceptions.

BUILDING A KINGDOM CENTRED CHURCH

individual is called to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour as a new believer or convert.



There should be a mechanism within the church where new converts or believers are paired with an ordained Pastor/Leader to mentor them through the 1st part of their salvation journey



The more mature believer should be encouraged to engage in church activities matching their purpose and call. Where they’ve not discovered their call, they should be guided to work out what that is

I think I demonstrated earlier in this piece how a lack of balance affects sustainability. There must be a balance between the 5 fold i.e. Apostolic, Prophetic, Evangelistic, Pastoral or "Shepherding" and Teaching.

But we must also promote discipleship - a Christian disciple is a person who accepts and assists in the spreading of the good news of Jesus Christ. Christian discipleship is the process by which disciples grow in the Lord Jesus Christ and are equipped by the Holy Spirit, who resides in their hearts, to overcome the pressures and trials of this present life and become more and more Christ like.

This process requires believers to respond to the Holy Spirit’s prompting to examine their thoughts, words and actions and compare them with the Word of God. Disciples need to be in the Word daily—studying it, praying over it, and obeying it. Disciples should always be ready to give testimony of the reason for the hope that is within us (1 Peter 3:15) and to disciple others to walk in His way. A disciple should also be a labourer in the vineyard.

So being a disciple of Christ involves personal growth characterised by the following:



Emphasis on an individual knowing the word of God for themselves.

Engaging bible study and teaching will provide an opportunity for this.

This should start from the time an

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

In addition the kingdom-centred church should be a church without walls. What do I mean?

Well, I believe a church without walls should serve and interact with whatever community is around it;

A church without walls should not judge anyone or categorise them (Matthew 7:1-3);

A church without walls should have 1 common language. I’ve witnessed ministries communicate in the language common to (for example) the host Pastor meaning others who don’t speak the same language are left out of communications. This promotes division rather than unity.

In conclusion, not only must the ‘church’ look in, it must equally look out!!

Spiritual Etiquette | 63

SUMMARY OF THE WORKBOOK ‘HOW TO BE A GREAT CHRISTIAN LEADER’ (URL to book http:// www.churchgirltraining.com/books.html) Are you a new or aspiring leader? Do you know how to be a great leader?

Do you actually know the difference between a leader and a manager? Do you know the top characteristics for great leadership?

How to be GREAT Christian Leader was written specifically for you to answer these questions and more in a convenient big workbook format. It’s not just another text book.

Included in the workbook is a 360degree self-assessment, a personality profile and a bonus action plan plus biblical references on examples of great leadership.

The author is a minister and experienced leader of 25years plus, who shares real experiences in the book having written and facilitated courses as well as advising on leadership issues. The book is based on up to date approaches in a realistic no nonsense presentation. You’ll feel more confident in the duty of ministry leadership once you’ve read, studied and carried out the tasks within this workbook.

Deaconess Obaseki has been in ministry in various worker and leadership capacities for

the last 25 years. She is passionate about churches achieving a balance between the spiritual and administrative to experience real growth.

This is as a direct result of her personally suffering over the years from the effects of some leaders concentrating on 1 over the other. Inspired by this she founded churchgirltraining.com with a background in professional training and HR. The organisation provides consultancy, practical advice and training services for leaders and their church workers.

She’s the host of the Vineyard on ugnjamz.com every Saturday and Sunday 10pm (GMT) which is a show for Leaders and Workers in churches and charities addressing the practical issues of running a ministry to sustain, maintain and grow.

She’s also the author of 3 workbooks for ministry including: How to be a GREAT Christian Leader Website: www.churchgirltraining.com - for books and training information Facebook: AuthorMObaseki LinkedIn: deaconessobaseki Twitter:

@CountessOba

Instagram: DEACONESS_OBASEKI AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

64 | Her Wholeness

The Journey...

By Harriet Khataba

The Wife PART I

THE ARMOUR-BEARER

By Lisa Maki

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

Spiritual Etiquette | 65

W

hat I will share with you will

preconceived notions about marriage and your

change your view of your role

expectations from your husbands. I want you to

as a wife, and marriage in

lay down your fleshly emotions – your hurts,

general. It will make you see

anger, frustrations, anxieties, and fears with

that most of your problems are not what they

regards to your marriage. Drop all these down

seem to be. It will make you realize that your

and imagine yourself as a Warrior Queen, an

husband is not your enemy; the devil is!

armour-bearer of the King.

It was a few years back when a Prophet’s wife

Now imagine that a host of army is about to

shared with me that she is her husband’s armor-

attack your King and you see it miles away. You

bearer. At that time, I’ve only heard of the word

can’t tell him because you have to protect him

“armor-bearer” a few times in my walk as a

and your Kingdom. Telling him may make him

believer of Yeshua, but never as a wife’s role. The

rush to the war zone and get killed. You now

more I grew in my marriage, the more I realized

prepare for battle and put on your whole armour.

how true this role is for us, wives.

You grab your sword, put it on its sheath, and you get your shield. You ride your horse and

According to Dictionary.com, an armour-bearer is

proceed to attack the enemies of your Kingdom.

“an officer selected by kings and generals because of his bravery, not only to bear their armour, but

Does this look like some desperate, crying,

also to stand by them in the time of danger.”

anxious, fearful, depressed wife to you? Does this look like a wife who is complaining about her

Another definition of an armour-bearer that I

husband – that she is not receiving love from

found is “one who helps, a helper, to give

him ... that he is cheating on her ... that he is not

strength, support.” Honestly, this is more like the

treating her right ... that he is not responsible ...

role of a wife and help-meet, which clearly

etc. etc. NOT AT ALL!!! This Warrior Queen

explains our role as “armour-bearers”.

knows her role and is detached from all the worldly emotions that can consume her and

In short, as an armour-bearer of my husband, my

therefore jeopardize her Kingdom.

role is to protect him in the time of danger. I believe that this includes my ability to discern

You can be this Warrior Queen. God has already

danger before it hits, to give me a better chance of

equipped you to be one. He has provided you

protecting him. This, I believe, is the reason why

with all the armour you need. He has given you a

wives have the ability to smell danger from afar.

King and a Kingdom to fight for and protect.

God did not give us this gift for nothing.

Do you now realize why the devil is taunting us Before I proceed, I want you to drop all your

with our emotions? He wants to cripple us and

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

66 | Spiritual Etiquette paralyze us so we can’t fight for our husbands

but who God has used time and time again to

and our families. Satan knows our power as

give me very timely messages.

armour-bearers. Why do you think did he attack Eve first? He could have tempted Adam but

This person shared with me that if our shield has

nope ... he chose Eve. And when he got Eve, he

holes, we can’t use it effectively. The holes are

got Adam as well.

fears and doubts we have entertained. To patch up these holes require the Word of God. In fact,

The devil loves to whisper in our ears: he doesn’t

this person said that the entire shield is made up

care about you ... he doesn’t even love you so why

of the Word of God.

submit to him? ... he is going to hurt you again, it is not safe ... he is not satisfied with you ... he

Our sword is the Word and our faith is the shield.

finds that other girl hotter ... he can’t even provide

We may have a very powerful sword but if our

for you.

shield is not solid, then we will falter.

Thus,

as armour-bearers, we have to make sure that our It doesn’t take a minute to make us listen to that

shield is intact.

voice and start believing it. Before long we are operating in the lie more than the truth. We cry

The enemy is not our husbands. The battle is not

out to God and nothing is happening. We cast out

won through arguments and even discussions.

all spirits of lust, pride, and control, and it is still

The enemy is the devil and the battle is won in the

there. You know why? I will tell you two reasons

presence of God.

why.

Now imagine yourself again as the Warrior The first reason is our own underlying issues. In

Queen and you are going to face and confront one

fact, the negative feelings we have towards our

of the biggest enemies of your Kingdom (your

husbands are merely reflections of our own issues

marriage and family). It may be the spirit of a

that God is still dealing with. Unless we see

cheating husband, an abusive husband, a

things this way, we will never be able to heal

husband addicted to porn, a drug-addicted

from these issues that are getting in the way of

husband, a husband bound to alcohol, a lazy

winning our battles in our marriage. Ask God to

husband, etc. Remember, you are warring against

expose your issues to you first and to guide and

spirits here. You are getting ready for the battle.

lead you how to be delivered from it. It is a

You get your sword, which is the Bible, and you

process. What is important is that you are aware

polish it by meditating on it and even writing

of these issues and are obeying God in the steps

down the ones that talk about your victory. You

you need to take.

slowly walk into the battlefield with your sword and shield, and with the helmet of salvation, belt

The second reason is something I’ve learned from

of truth, breastplate of righteousness, and the

someone recently ... someone I don’t even know

gospel of peace on your feet. You begin to war by

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Spiritual Etiquette | 67 worshipping God and declaring all the promises

through. Otherwise my enemies will come, run

He has given you. You continue warring through

me through, and make a sport of me.”

praise and worship, thanking God for His faithfulness. The war continues and escalates as

Let me paraphrase this based on the revelation

you begin to smash all the lies of the enemy,

that the Holy Spirit gave me. Think of it as your

replacing each lie with the truth. You shield your

husband talking to you.

husband by interceding for him and breaking down strongholds. Finally, you go back and

“My beloved wife, my armour-bearer; draw your

continue to worship and praise God as your

sword, the Word of God, and thrust it into my

enemies lay before you dead and defeated.

soul. Otherwise the devil will thrust his sword into my soul and make fun of me.”

This is our role, my fellow wives and sisters in Yeshua. And if this is our mindset and

Our problems with our husbands are just the tip

understanding, we will continue to win, no matter

of the iceberg. The underlying issues run deep.

how difficult it gets. Don’t forget that as armour-

These problems are meant for us to hear an inner

bearers we are to take the bullet for our husbands,

groaning of their spirits to be released from

in the same way that Yeshua died for us.

whatever the enemy is holding against them – generational curses, bondages, strongholds, past

One last thing that I want to share with you is a

issues. They are crying out to us without them

Scripture I saw yesterday, which is the very

even knowing it. They are asking us to fight for

reason why I wrote this article. It is in 1 Samuel 31

them in the spiritual realm, to draw our sword

where King Saul was talking to his armour-

and finally thrust this Word deep into their soul.

bearer.

This is how we will win all our battles in our He said: “Draw your sword and thrust me

marriage, my fellow Armour-Bearers.

Lisa Maki is the founder, publisher, and editor of God'z Gurlz, a Bible-based web magazine for women. She is a Professional Writer/Consultant with over 20 years of experience in Professional Writing, Public speaking, and Human Resources in Organizational Development. She manages a Professional Writing business which includes Résumé Writing, Business Letter Writing, Business Plans, Website Content, Editing Jobs, Press Kits, and other writing requirements.

More than a Professional Writer, Lisa is an evangelist/preacher/minister with over 10 years of ministry experience including pastoring a women's prison; conduct of Bible-based seminars and Bible studies in corporate offices; preaching engagements in churches, police camps, schools, and other organizations; outreach programs for poor families and children; and pastoring a church.

Lisa holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in English and some units in Psychological Services. She was commissioned as "minister" in 2006.

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68 | Her Wholeness

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Empowering the Younger Woman | 69

I

’ve always considered myself to be a strong – willed person and believed I had the ability to pull myself out of every hole life would ever try to throw me in. I knew how I wanted to present myself to the world, and the type of woman I wanted to be A VIRTUOUS woman. However, I wasn’t familiar with this word in my teens and it’s probably not the word I would have chosen to describe myself, nevertheless I definitely knew I stood for something bigger than me. I knew I was different & carried high values and morals, without question it was part of the fabric of my inner most being. My beliefs as a Christian shaped who I was.

I had a standard I lived by, which

was at the forefront of my mind whenever I dealt with people and entered into relationships. I vowed to never compromise my standard, and thought it was a standard nobody could BREAK.

Until life happened of course, as it does to most of us - I compromised and came to realise that the UNBROKEN could be BROKEN. There are certain situations we face in life that can literally bring us to our knees, crying out to the Lord as we bear the pain of what can only be described as BROKENESS. Whether it is the pain that comes from the loss of a loved one, the breakup of a relationship, or the betrayal of a close friend. Whatever it may be the feeling of brokenness is REAL.

The Young Woman’s Journey:

RESTORATION IN CHRIST

By Caroline Odogwu

These experiences can leave us feeling helpless, rejected and stuck. I once heard someone say that you can’t fix what’s not been broken. This comment rings true in my life; as for me it was my journey of brokenness that brought me closer to the Lord, but I had to be broken before God could FIX me. I realised that this standard I set for myself wasn’t enough to keep me. I had to lean on the Holy Spirit to do this thing called LIFE and walk through it with my sanity and head held high.

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70 | Empowering the Younger Woman In my broken state the love of Christ kept me and was one of few things that remained CONSTANT and steady in my life. I knew there was something missing and I needed more. God was calling me to have total RESTORATION in Him.

The dictionary defines restoration as the act of returning something to its former, original, normal or unimpaired condition. This is exactly what Christ wants to do for you. He wants to return you back to your former state before life happened to you. Sometimes we can get in our own way, and we start to believe the LIES of the enemy. We disqualify ourselves from Gods BEST, like our mistakes dilute Gods goodness.

Remember God already knew you were going to make that mistake before you even made it.

His got that covered, He knows you better than you even know yourself. The Father is saying your mistakes can’t demote you from what He has for you. In fact your very mistakes are what God will use to help you walk out your purpose with authenticity and truth and ultimately help others who have gone through to do the same.

Romans 8:28

I adore these scriptures because they ultimately reiterate what I said above. The scripture promises us that everything we go through will work together for our good and that CHRIST thoughts and plans towards us are GOOD.

If you’ve ever felt broken, lost your self worth, self esteem and identity for whatever reason, you are NOT alone and Christ wants to restore you, but there are some things you will have to CONFRONT and do. It’s not a case of if Christ will restore you, He already has you just have to walk it out, do your part and receive His restoration with the help of the Holy Spirit.

1.

2000 years ago, Jesus Christ died on the cross for you – yes YOU (John 3:16). Your happiness, joy, peace, love and purpose is found in Him – honestly it is so worth it.

All you have to do is believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died for you.

2.

Jeremiah 29:11

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Forgive yourself and others – Sometimes forgiving others can be a lot easier than forgiving yourself. Accepting your wrongs, and allowing yourself to move forward despite the sins you’ve committed is liberating. Forgiveness helps you. As hard as it may seem, ask the Holy Spirit and He will help you.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.

“ For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Surrender Your Life to God – Over

3.

Confess your mistakes to someone you trust - Sometimes our secrets sins can keep us bound but sharing and confessing your shortcomings to a trusted

Empowering the Younger Woman | 71

friend/family member can alleviate the power that thing has over you. Be totally true and honest, the TRUTH will set you free.

4.

Develop a positive confession – I encourage you to speak the Word out loud. Look up scriptures in the Bible about restoration and confess them daily.

Vent to God – raw and uncut! Tell Him about your weaknesses, His not surprised about them, He already knows.

Cry out to Him for restoration.

I pray that this short post will help you TRUST in the Lord and lean on Him totally. Your best life is ahead of you not in your past. He will restore every hurt, every confusion, every situation, and every circumstance. We serve a JUST God he makes bad things right.

God’s got your back.

+

Caroline Odogwu began her career while an undergraduate John Moores University, Liverpool as the news and weather anchor for her local radio station Youth FM before moving into television. In 2009, she acquired experience as a researcher at ITV Granada in Manchester and then at the BBC in London before arriving at OH TV at the end of 2009. Whilst at OH TV she produced a vibrant series called ‘Young Achievers – The Next Gen,’ documenting the achievements of young adults from all walks of life and cultures. After leaving Business Launchpad in 2011, Caroline has acquired experience undertaking various media related positions at Sky News, Dublin South FM and Samaritans.

Caroline now currently works as the Marketing & Outreach officer at a leading youth enterprise Charity, Business Launchpad, whose core work is to help young people start up their own businesses.

Caroline is presently doing The Leadership Mentoring for Purpose Programme at The Mentoring Academy.

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RAISING Wonderful Women

By Daniella Blechner

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Empowering the Younger Woman | 73

R

aising young women is a huge responsibility but one that should not be restricted to purely the role of a mother or father. The word ‘raise’ dates back to c1200

and derives from an Old Norse word “reisa.” It translates as “to cause a rising of” “set upright” “to build and construct.” The word “raise” also means to “uplift, promote the growth of, and elevate to a higher position.” I strongly believe that we are all, in some shape or form, responsible for the raising of our young girls and women in our community. How do we begin to elevate our young girls into confident young women and leaders of their own path and what role do we have in helping them to rise? First, we must understand that we all play a part in helping them to rise.

Self-esteem We are born into this world innocent; completely accepting of all things and all people. We are in awe of the world around us and are blessed with the purity of non-judgment. We are totally loving and accepting of Self. Our self-esteem is high because we don’t judge, we just are. Sadly, we are born into a world full of pressures, a world that tells us, through media, advertising and music, how to look and how to think and how to behave. We live in a world that subconsciously tells us that it is not okay to be ourselves, to make mistakes or to be left all alone on ‘prom night.’ We live in a world that teaches us to say

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74 | Empowering the Younger Woman

“yes” and seek approval of others.

Thoughts and Words

Adverts still group women into restrictive

The Telegraph (Aug 2015) states that, “A new

categories of “domestic goddess” “sex symbol”

survey by Girlguiding UK shows almost half of

“object of desire” “mother” and “aggressive and

British girls have suffered with mental health

bitchy business woman.” Homogenous stick thin

problems, with self-harm being one of the biggest

models in need of a good meal still front the

concerns.” It also states that the majority of seven

magazines, young women are still objectified and

to ten year olds said they had felt “sad” or “down,

sexualised in music videos, video games, films

1 in five young girls said they were upset by the

and adverts. The message shouts loud and clear

way they looked and 39% said they had received

“Be like this and we will give you the stamp of

demeaning comments about their appearance. A

approval!” Whose stamp of approval?

magazine called Girl Talk also found that half the

We need to raise our girls to understand, on a very deep level, that they are perfectly and wonderfully made. We need to teach our young girls to celebrate their differences and that they are unique in their own way. They do not need to gyrate and whine to be liked or be popular with the opposite sex, they do not need to lather

girls defined beautiful as being “fashionable” and “thin.” Furthermore shockingly enough, a study carried out by The Children’s Society found that the young girls of Britain are significantly unhappier than children in Ethiopia and Algeria.

Why when we have so much in the Western world are our young girls so unhappy?

themselves in foundation and plasticized make up to be attractive and they do not need to say

First we must tackle the damaging thought

“yes” to every offer they get.

processes caused by images and words these

In a culture with widespread sexual

young girls are seeing and hearing. The Bible, The

objectification, young girls as young as 12, are

Torah, Buddhism and the Koran teach us about

beginning to identify themselves as objects of

the Power of words. The Bible says, “There is one

desire. This internalized sexual objectification has

whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the

been linked to problems with mental health such

tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs

as clinical depression, “habitual body

12.18) The Torah says, “The mighty power of

monitoring”, eating disorders, body shame and

words hurt, heal and fashion reality.” Buddha

lack of self-worth. Now, more than ever, we need

said, “Words have the power to both destroy and

to impress upon young girls that they are not

heal. When words are true and kind, they change

defined by their physical appearance but by the

our world.” The Koran says,

content of their unique character. Now more than

““Kind words (spoken) and forgiving of faults are

ever we need to let our young girls know it is

better than sadaqa (charity)”

okay to switch off the TV, disconnect from Social

The pressure on young girls to be “beautiful” and

Media and work on loving themselves and

“attractive” is sky high. The Media speaks to us

finding out who they are.

every day telling us what is acceptable and what

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Empowering the Younger Woman | 75

is not. Therefore, the way in which we speak to

other. We must teach them to close their ears to

ourselves is crucial, the thoughts we think and the

gossip and open their hearts to one another; that

way we speak to others. In a world that

there is room for all to blossom and grow in this

constantly bombards us with images of who we

world and that there is strength in elevation and

should be, it is crucial that we raise our young

wisdom in understanding that, in a world where

girls to know who they are. It is easy to allow the

women already struggle to balance love,

exterior world to dictate our inner perception of

relationships, motherhood, working life, career,

ourselves. We must teach our young girls how to

hopes and dreams, trials and tribulations, they

speak to themselves with love and respect.

stand much stronger as a united force uplifting

Positive self-talk is essential. We all have a role in

the other with words and actions. We must dispel

teaching our young girls how to do this by speaking positively about ourselves, first as an example, and in turn speaking positively to and about them. Our words have the ability to harm or heal. They can be the difference between elevating a young woman or beating her down.

the myth that the other woman is “the enemy” but in fact a sister who too needs support, encouragement, uplifting and inspiration. We must raise our young girls to become young woman who know, in their own uniqueness, that “a flower does not compete with the flower next to it, it simply blooms.” When we raise our young girls to know and love themselves from the inside

Lastly, teaching a young girl how to elevate another is a powerful practise. We need to teach

out, then they truly will become a united force to be reckoned with.

them that we do not and are not created to exist as islands but to collaborate and support one

Daniella Blechner is the author of Mr Wrong and the poetry anthology 7 Shades of Love. She’s passionate about uniting, inspiring and empowering women through the sharing of stories, identifying and challenging negative belief systems and patterns, and unleashing the True inner voice.

For more information on services and workshops, email info@daniellablechner.com www.daniellablechner.com; www.dingdongitsmrwrong.com

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

CLIQUES & H O W T O AV O I D T H E M

By Rita Okoye

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Empowering the Younger Woman | 77 Her Wholeness | 77

A

clique is a group of friends that

Listed below are reasons why you should not join

pick and choose who is in their

a clique.

group and they leave certain

LOSS OF IDENTITY

people out on purpose. When you

are with others and start to notice that you are no longer yourself or you stop voicing your true opinion then you are probably in a clique.

When you join a clique there is always a stronger personality or a few others that want to control you. And because you want to fit in and be accepted, you may find yourself not being

Every young girl wants to be respected and liked

authentic. In other words, you are not keeping it

by her peers. Joining a clique may be a way in

real. You won’t speak out. You will agree with

which a girl seeks approval but being in a clique

everything that the clique says or does just to fit

can be detrimental to her self esteem and self

it. Stop it. Be your own person. Find your own

worth.

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

78 | Empowering the Younger Woman voice and have your own identity.

friend. Instead of standing up to the bullies, she

LOSS OF SELF RESPECT

allowed them to make fun of her friend. She later

When you join a clique because you have given all your powers away, you will lose yourself respect. Stop it today. Get your respect back by knowing that you are just as important as the next person and you deserve respect.

YOU RESTRICT YOURSELF

called her friend outside of the group to ask if she was ok rather than standing up to the group.

Jackie has no control of her life. Is this how you want to be? I don’t think so. Make friends. Make lots of friends but leave the cliques for those who do not have a strong character and don’t have an appreciation of their self worth.

If you belong to a clique you will find that you avoid making other friends. You may even become obbessed with the clique. Then if you

Note to parents and guardians: Teach girls to

leave the clique you will have to go through a

value and respect themselves. Let them know that

painful journey of regaining your own identity

they don’t need the approval of others. Teach

and making new genuine friends.

them to have a wide network of friends, so that

YOU DON’T SPEAK UP

they don’t rely on one group. Remind them that

This is the worst part about being in a clique. You

approval and conforming. Every girl should stand

don’t speak up. Even on matters that are

up for herself and know she is valuable.

important to you. Jackie was in a clique and a friend of hers was being teased by the other members. Jackie said nothing but felt bad for her

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being in a clique will lead to a miserable life of

Wholeness | 79

www.wewmagazine.com

AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN

.

80 | Wholeness

Are You the

ACTOR OR REACTOR of Your Own Script?

By Frank Ani

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Kingdom Minded Man | 81

A

re you an individual who is an

remain fresh...what do I mean by this?

actor of their own script or does

simply it is dwelling in the world but

the depth of the story say that

unaffected by the thoughts of the system, I

you are the reactor of someone

refer to a Lotus because it is a symbol of purity

else’s script?

which despite the pollution of its environment

Every individual has a part to play in their life and many times the vast majority tend to point towards how we interpret what we perceive to be happening around us. Sometimes the choices we make or decisions we execute, whatever the options are its either you are an

Put

survives the test of time; you get thrilled by the interpretation because it was well thought out by the piper who dictates the tune, as suppose to reactors who constantly point fingers at others whenever things go wrong, they constantly moan oh! It was your fault, looking to play the blame game, ignoring the areas in

actor or reactor.

their life that need improvement.

For an actor maybe the ability to interpret your lines could be your major difference while for a reactor the fear of moving forward until someone else says so is what you are battling with in your mind. The reality however can present life issues as if the river would never flow again, when water runs dry. When this happens negative thoughts filters the air and keeps one stagnant, reactors are conformists who bury their thoughts on what does not exist, opportunities come their way in disguise and they choose to ignore it because the brain is dormant, even when it is yelling for advancement the lack of maturity for an informed mind keeps them out from fulfilling their potential, this is a very difficult situation to be in and as such would elaborate more on it

Actors don’t judge people by their actions, they mirror themselves first and focus on measures to improve rather than drawing conclusions on the behaviour or defects seen in others, they’re thinking stems from being wiser to focus on the issue rather than the individual involved, this is strength on its own as they don’t get carried away by what the picture depicts. A reactors mind is full of negative thoughts and could lead to bad influence in their

actions

towards

life

in

general,

understanding how important to be the actor of your script places you in real context with the world, where you interpret what life present to you and not what others might think, taking full responsibility puts you in control of every situation as the driver of

if the opportunity is presented.

change, the incubator of your talents and the The strength of an actor is

likened to a

“Lotus” such as that seen in shallow waters, they

could

be

made

to

stay

in

dirty

generator of your wealth, the challenges to become

the

actor

produces

the

tenacity

necessary to withstand every adversity, the

environments or atmosphere but their bodies

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82 | Kingdom Minded Man reward of being a hero when the act unveils

way they do, they could start to acknowledge

unravels the strength to withstand every

the flaws in others and portray the script they

danger or obstacle and prepares the actors

read in a positive manner, allowing room for

mind to turn the threats into

a new

contingencies with the conviction that one can

opportunity, they are driven and strategic

only adapt to the future they plan. For an actor

thinkers who are constantly seeking for

the outcome of their action influence others

advancement.

positively therefore if you are guilty of being a

So‌..how can you change from a reactor to being the actor of your own script?

reactor maybe it is time to reflect and take responsibility for your action as

only then

would the future you are planning conform Maybe it is time to re-adjust that dormant mind and connect to that which is extraordinary, and

with the script as its written by you.

+

when that happens it becomes necessary for a reactor to understand why things happen the

Frank Ani is an actor and seasoned writer, his acting career has seen him act in over 100 Nollywood movies and his latest film Onye Ozi (The Messenger) can be viewed on Netflix. .

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Her Wholeness | 83

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AUTUMN 2015 WOMEN EMPOWERING WOMEN