Teens and Their Parents

by ANGELINA CHRISTOS

It’s no secret that people associate teenagers with bad decision-making. Adults tend to accuse us of being stubborn and rebellious; they think we don’t understand the consequences of our actions. This can be true on a certain level, and our parents are right to be concerned, because some decisions we make in our teenage years can affect the rest of our lives. But there are many factors that lead teens to do what they do. We would all benefit from trying to understand where the other side is coming from. Let me offer a few suggestions that might help.

Parents: When your kids grow into their teenage years, they will need your help in some situations, but they also need to develop independence. It can be hard to find the right balance. In her paper, “Steps to Good Decision-Making Skills for Teens,” Amy Morin, a psychotherapist who teaches at Northeastern University, writes:

The key to helping your teen makethe best decisions involves providingplenty of guidance, without overdoing it.Be willing to give input when necessary,but don't be afraid to step back.

You have to figure out when to step in and when to let teens make mistakes.

Teens: We have to realize that our tendency to trust our emotions over logic comes with risks. It’s part of our development. Scientists have established that we process information with the amygdala, the emotional part of our brains. It’s not something we can physically change. So, as teens we need to turn to God more and realize that He can help us. Praying and taking an active role in the church can save us from our bad decision-making, or at least reduce the harm. For an example, I suggest reading Letters to Saint Lydia by Melinda Johnson, a book about a girl who writes letters to her saint to get her through hard times. Even if we follow her lead, we’re bound to screw up sometimes. But we can try to learn from our mistakes and avoid hurting other people—especially our parents.

Angelina Christos is a high-school sophomore and a parishioner at the Orthodox Church of the Annunciation in Brick, NJ