McGehee Newsletter

April ‘20

Issue No. 1

April ‘20

Bombshell

FEMINISTS DON’T WEAR PINK Scarlett Curtis on her new book and what the F - word means to her.

I didn’t know I was a feminist until I was fifteen. I didn’t know I was a feminist because I didn’t know that I needed to be, and I also didn’t think I would be allowed to wear make-up if I became one. And I seriously loved make-up. I went to school just like my brothers, my mom had a job just like my dad.

Feminism was something that we learned about in history class and didn’t have to worry about any more. Like telegrams or corsets or the plague, feminism was the stuff of suffragettes and burnt bras and fights that had been won and long forgotten.

Much like a rare breed of bird, I knew feminists still existed out there in the wild. I also knew I most definitely did not want to be one. For starters, it was the middle of the nineties, and in a world where Beyonce existed I couldn’t fathom what on earth these feminists were fighting for. More importantly, my image of a ‘feminist’ was entirely in opposition to every single priority my fifteen-year-old brain possessed. Feminists didn’t use make-up (my favorite hobby). They didn’t shave their legs (my favorite form of exercise). Feminists didn’t like boys (my favorite type of human) and, most importantly, feminists definitely didn’t wear pink. And pink was my favorite color. Being a feminist would mean disposing of half my wardrobe, revealing my spotty skin and hair legs to the world and putting an end to the twenty-plus daily MSN messages I sent to boys I had crushes on.

There’s an amazing feminist superhero called Audre Lorde who said: ‘Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.’ My nosedive into feminism was fueled entirely by feelings. In the years since, it has developed and grown into something far wordier, filled with thoughts, books, quotes, and plans for action; but at the beginning my feminism was just a feeling. My feminism was born with little context or language and lots of emotion.

BY SCARLETT CURTIS Author, Blogger, and Activist

When I was fifteen I was treated very badly by a group of men and a few women who wouldn’t have treated me that way if I had been a man. I was a teenage girl with blue dip-dyed hair and a predilection for wearing tutus to hospital appointments. I was very ill and I was misdiagnosed and mistreated far longer than even an irritating teenager who could probably have done with being knocked down a few pegs deserves to be. I was mistreated and silenced for a number of reasons that only now, nearly a decade later, am I finally beginning to unpick. It happened because I was young, because I was emotionally ‘complicated’, but it also happened because I was a girl. And because the person sitting next to me in every waiting room, doctor’s office and hospital ward was a woman and a mother.

In the grand scheme of heinous acts committed by the patriarchy, what happened to me was very small.

It was very small and it got better, and I’m extremely lucky. But it did happen. And it sparked a feeling inside me; and that feeling began to grow.

My illness also meant that I spent three years of my life lying in my bedroom with nothing much to do except read and Google and knit small animals. So I began to read. I read Virginia Wolf and Gloria Steinem and Caitlin Moran and then I realized they were all white women and I might need to start looking a little further. I read Audre Lorde and Roxane Gay and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and slowly but surely I began to understand and think and see.

I began to understand that what had happened to me was a small ripple that took place in an ocean of pain, movement and change. I began to understand that gender equality was not in fact a thing of the past but a far-off dream for the future. A dream that generations of women and men had been fighting for and continued to fight for every single day.

Once I began to understand that, I also began to understand that the assumptions I had held about what it meant to be a feminist were in fact a tool of the very systems of hate that these women were trying to smash. This system of hate (also known as the “patriarchy”) had concocted an image of a feminist precisely so young women would be deterred from continuing the fight. The lies we have been told about feminism have been fed to us to hold us back from a movement that is actually for everyone. A movement that is more beautiful and more potentially powerful than we could ever have dreamed. As I began to read I began to understand that feminists do in fact wear make-up (if they want to). They also shave their legs (if they want to) and love boys (if they want to). Feminists can also definitely wear pink, a lot of pink.

The women’s movement has been alive and kicking for a very long time now. It is a beautiful and complicated timeline of people, theories, words and books that are constantly defining and redefining what it means to be a feminist. This book is not an academic textbook. It is not a manual on how to be a perfect feminist or a book of essays by professors of women’s studies explaining the history if the movement. Those books exist, and many of them are brilliant, but that is not what this book is.

This book is a book of feelings that are transforming into thoughts that are transforming into action.

Most of the amazing women who have contributed to this book probably don’t know much more about feminism than you do. Most of the women are just at the starting line of the lifelong journey to discover what it means to be a feminist and to fight the feminist fight. This book is not here to tell you everything you need to know about feminism, it’s here to show that at the heart of feminism is women.

Women who are complex and complicated, who wear make-up and wear pink and laugh and cry and get confused just like you. This book is here to hopefully show you that being a feminist isn’t quite what you thought it was.

While my fifteen-year-old self was wrong about a lot of things, she was right about one thing. Feminists are rare birds. They are rare birds who fly above us, trying to look down and see the world for what it is. They look down and see the mountains that our world will have to overcome if freedom is ever going to be possible, and then they fly back down to earth to help us all with the climb. I am a feminist. And boy do I wear pink.

“Feminists Don’t Wear Pink and Other Lies” curated by Scarlett Curtis is available online.

THIS BOOK IS HERE TO SHOW YOU THAT AT THE HEART OF FEMINISM IS WOMEN.

THE EDUCATION OF ANGELA DAVIS

BY KAREN ROBINSON Writer, Editor

Angela Davis went from Brownie to Communist, from bookworm to black revolutionary. To her it seemed natural. To accept American society the way it is would be to accept that there is something wrong with black people.

France when news hit that four black girls were killed in the bombing of a Birmingham church. She knew two of them. From growing up in Birmingham she knew bombings were used to keep blacks in line by fear and terror.

peaceful assembly. They would break into houses without a warrant and start shooting. In the prisons it was even worse. The police and the prisons did whatever they wanted to black people – the courts and the press did not care.

She grew up under Jim Crow in the American South in the 1950s in Birmingham, Alabama. Her parents taught her to think for herself.

The black schools in Birmingham were in terrible shape, but they did teach her black pride and black history. What she did not learn at school she made up for by reading books.

She noticed that the French saw the Algerians like how whites saw blacks back home. The Algerians were fighting a war to free themselves from French rule.

The only way to make them care was to stage mass protests. She helped to do this first as part of SNCC and then the Communist Party. She joined the Communist Party in July 1968 by paying 50 cents in dues. From her study of philosophy she found they had the bestgrounded ideas and from her experience of Cuba they were the only ones who proved they could overthrow racism.

In 1959 at age 15 she won a scholarship to study at a private high school in New York: Elisabeth Irwin High School. It was where all the teachers who were too left-wing for public schools went to teach. Her school did not turn her into a communist, but it did make communism a respectable opinion.

She got another scholarship, this one to Brandeis University. She was almost the only black person there. She largely kept to herself – it was easier that way – and so she read and read, read books of French and books of philosophy – and books of French philosophy.

In 1963 she went abroad to study a year in France. She was barely in

After Brandeis she studied philosophy in Germany under Theodor Adorno and then under Herbert Marcuse in San Diego in America.

Of all the schools of philosophy she thought Marxism was the closest to the truth.

One summer she went to Cuba with friends, helping to cut sugar cane and seeing first-hand how communism had overturned racism.

Then back in America she saw first-hand how the Los Angeles police tried to wipe out the Black Panthers.

The police ruled the ghetto by fear and terror, not law and order.

Shooting a man in the back they called “justifiable homicide”. They would break up protests by blacks, not allowing them the right of

FEMINISM IS A VERB, NOT A NOUN

In 1986 Marie Shear wrote in a review of The Feminist Dictionary that “Feminism is the radical notion that women are people.” A refreshingly simple definition, Shear’s somewhat sarcastic assertion that the notion of women as people is ‘radical’ says a lot about the conditions experienced by women.

For me, Shear’s definition captures perfectly the reason why feminism is a verb, not a noun. The “radical notion that women are people” requires that one upholds the humanity of women at every opportunity.

In America, white women make 78 cents to every dollar that white men make. Black women make 64 cents to every dollar white men make, and Latinas make 58 cents to every dollar white men make. Women are subject to daily harassment and threats of sexual violence, at work and in our communities.

Our bodies are considered to exist for the sole enjoyment and discernment of men. Women are not seen as human beings, deserving of dignity and respect.

The socialization of the hatred of women is not solely perpetrated by men but infects women as well. No one experiences this more acutely than transgender women, who are shunned by cisgender men and women alike, often using the very same tropes that are weaponized by cisgender men to denigrate and oppress cisgender women.

The current US President, Donald Trump, made headlines for leading chants among his supporters during his campaign to ‘lock up’ Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton, for paying off Stormy Daniels, an exotic dancer with whom he allegedly had an affair with, and for bing caught on video sharing his tips for assaulting women on the popular show Inside Edition, saying that all you had to was ‘grab ‘em by the pussy’. You can tell in America women are not considered people by many because, despite these examples of egregious behavior, Donald Trump was still elected President.

Furthermore, the agenda of his administration works to strip women of the rights we’ve fought hard for — rights to have self-determination over our lives by deciding when and if to start families, and with whom, and rights to have access to affordable health care. The administration has led the charge to dismantle supports for families, such as the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families and the Supplemental Nutri-

BY ALICIA GARZA Activist, Writer tion Assistance Program. In 2017, according to the US Census Bureau, 81.4% of single-parent families were headed by a woman who was unemployed. Cuts to government supports for families disproportionately impact women.

For me, this is why feminism must be a verb and not a noun. It is enough to believe that women are people if our actions — for example, voting for a man who grabs women by the pussy and dismantles critical supports that enable women and their families to live with dignity — suggest otherwise.

To work for a world where women are treated as people in every aspect of our lives is to work not just for women but for all people to realize their full humanity.

April ‘20

Bombshell

THIS IS WHAT THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION LOOKED LIKE

BY GABRIEL SANCHEZ News Photo Essay Editor The 1960s were a turning point for sexuality in the West. What became known as the sexual revolution was spurred by the approval of the Pill in the US and motivated by a newfound energy behind feminist and civil rights movements. In art, cinema, and music, human sexuality was something to be celebrated and explored, while the ongoing war in Vietnam thrust an entire generation of young people into an early adulthood.

From the normalization of pornography and premarital sex to erotic expressions of fashion and art, these pictures capture the lasting legacy of the sexual revolution during the 1960s.

IN THE 1960’S, SEX WAS A REVOLUTION. The sexual revolution, also known as a time of sexual liberation, was a social movement that challenged traditional codes of behavior related to sexuality and interpersonal relationships throughout the United States and subsequently, the wider world, from the 1960s to the 1980s.

Several other periods in Western culture have been called the “first sexual revolution”, to which the 1960s revolution would be the second (or later). The term “sexual revolution” itself has been used since at least the late 1920s.

Commentators such as history professor Kevin F. White have used the phrase “first sexual revolution” to refer to the Roaring Twenties.

Victorian Era attitudes were somewhat destabilized by World War I and alcohol prohibition in the United States. At the same time the women’s suffrage movement obtained voting rights, the subculture of the flapper girl included pre-marital sex and “petting parties”.

April ‘20

Bombshell

A PLAYLIST FOR FEMINISTS IN ANY SITUATION

BY AKILAH HUGHES

It feels almost like a waste at this point to try to convince anyone to be a feminist. The internet is cheaper and faster than ever, and if there’s ever a genuine curiosity about a group of people’s experience, it’s easy to research how they’ve been treated historically, and how social movements have improved their conditions. I’m not saying we shouldn’t try, but I do feel you’re either with us in this liberation movement, or the truth is you lack empathy for women, and you’re just wasting our time.

So this is for the people who already identify as feminists: Hello!

Welcome! Or, if you’ve been here for a minute, I hope you’re comfortable. Allow me to set the mood with a playlist that will get you through some dark days and some big victories. (As of the writing of this article, none of these artists were involved in the horrendous scandal that warrants throwing them and their music into a volcano.)

‘You Oughta Know’ by Alanis Morissette This song isn’t just a song; it’s an anthem. For the scorned, the sexually liberated, the angry, the vindictive. Women deserve to feel and express all the emotions, and Alanis takes us on a roller-coaster of them. This song is best listened to before any march or protest to get you pumped up, after a less-than-ideal end to a relationship, or just screwed in joy at karaoke.

‘Just a Girl’ by No Doubt Is someone getting on your nerves? Do you need a sarcastic anthem to drown them out? Here it is. Imagine Gwen doing a ton of push-ups onstage in the 90s. Get your whole life.

Comedian, Appointed D.J.

‘King of Anything’ by Sara Bareilles

‘You Don’t Own Me’ by Lesley Gore

This is that song for when you’re hella fed up with somebody special’s crap. Tell ’em what’s what with this anthem that says ‘You’re going to be half of this relationship or you’re gonna be alone.’

Maybe the original feminist anthem, this song is impossible not to love.

Sweetie-pie vocals meet biting commentary about being your own free woman: few things are more powerful. Listen to this jam during any study cram sessions, sleepovers and general girls’ nights out.

‘No Scrubs’ by TLC Women hold up the whole world. I truly believe that. They are the backbone of family structures, and are expected to put everyone else’s existence before their own. Nah. Not any more. ‘No Scrubs’ is a song that will hold up forever, not only because of the iconic melody that’s been used in Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape of You’, and is sung in bars and cars alike. It will hold up forever because it’s unabashedly about reclaiming your time from scrubs who expect more than they deserve.

‘Flawless’ by Beyoncé This song is even better as a music video remixed with Nicki Minaj, with the visuals and the lyrics displayed, big and bold and red, on that black LCD screen. In the original version we have Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s words and voice loudly declaring, ‘We teach women to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller’ and ‘Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes’. It’s so powerful, and then an actual angel, Beyoncé, reminds us that we woke up Flawless. An A+ song. This one is most enjoyable before a night out when you dance away all your worries.

This is also just a celebratory jam for road trips to the grocery store or across your country.

‘Diamond Heart’ by Lady Gaga Perhaps you thought I’d say ‘Bad Romance’ for the Lady Gaga of it all because of the line ‘I’m a free bitch, baby’. But no, in the vain of big, loud girl fun, I have to go with the opening number from Joanne, ‘Diamond Heart’. The story of a young woman dancing for money of her volition, admitting she’s not perfect but she’s still got a diamond heart. That’s a message I can get behind. Play this at your parties, and maybe also at your book club.

‘I’m Coming Out’ by Diana Ross The world is going to accept you exactly as you are, and you’re better than perfect, babe — you’re enough. This is the perfect getting-ready song before any amount of fun is to be had. In the words of someone who didn’t make this list, ‘Your presence is a present.’

I’LL SHARE MY SALARY INFORMATION IF YOU SHARE YOURS. Forget talking about our sex lives.

The modern woman is talking about money.

BY JESSICA BENNETT

WOMEN OF THE WORLD

Author of “Feminist Fight Club”

BY MARIE C. WILSON Founder of ‘The White House Project’

It was a few years into my career that I first talked to anyone about my salary, and then I couldn’t shut up about it.

I negotiated my first raise after I learned that a male colleague with the same title was making significantly more than I was. As a freelancer, I often shared day rates and consulting fees with friends in my field, so we could know which companies to tap for more.

Later, when I took a staff job, a co-worker and I went out for drinks to get to know each other, and ended up sharing our salaries before the appetizers hit the table. That helped me lobby for a better rate when it came time for my review.

Call it the salary whisper network for getting paid, “except we’re not whispering, we’re yelling,” said Claire Wasserman, the founder of a career development platform called Ladies Get Paid.

Everywhere I turn, it seems, female friends, colleagues and mentees are quizzing each other about money: How much they make, their stock options and signing bonuses, how they negotiated, and what their dream number and their walk-away number is — or if they have one at all.

“I make all my friends, no matter their industry, talk about this,” said Samantha Wiener, a 25-year-old software engineer at Instagram. She said she recently turned a Thanksgiving dinner in San Francisco, with a dozen or so girlfriends, into something of a salary confessional.

I often hear people say that the lack of women in positions of political leadership is an issue that pales next to world crises—global terrorism, fragile economies, inadequate health care, troubled schools, corporate greed. They see no connection between the frightening situations we’re in and the fact that few women sit at the table to determine the solutions.

No wonder we’re where we are today.

This fundamental imbalance, with men running the world and women mostly spectators (or victims), is not a trivial detail. It is the problem.

It is also the one solution we have not tried, and the one most likely to work.

It’s not that putting women in power is simply the right thing to do— it’s the only thing to do. The values that women uniquely bring to the table—empathy, relational skills, community focus, inclusion across lines of authority—are vital if we are to solve any of the monumental issues facing our world today.

This is not just me talking. Three decades of research in state legislatures, universities, and international public policy centers have proven beyond doubt that women, children, and men all benefit when women are in leadership. Broader social legislation, benefiting everyone, is

more likely to pass if women are in office. We know the power of women as peacemakers in the world from scores of stories about their effectiveness at negotiation, from Ireland to Pakistan to Norway to South Africa to India and beyond.

We can ill afford to use only half our talent, when we know for a fact that today’s complicated challenges demand more than one vision. It’s time for real and permanent power sharing, for real and permanent change—women ruling side by side with men, allowing their voices to rise with different solutions and allowing men to think outside of the masculine box. In this way, we get fresh eyes and fresh solutions from both genders, applied to both old, abiding problems and to new, frightening ones.

This is not a call to pry power from the fingers of men and turn it all over to women. Together we can create a different world, shifting the burden from male shoulders and allowing the diversity of thought and life experience to transform our actions—perhaps bringing a greater peace, perhaps allowing men to be better fathers, perhaps providing a new paradigm for our security.

It’s not easy to get there. Those in power rarely let go without a fight, even if they would benefit by doing so. For women to truly gain the leadership roles, we must be insistent and persistent. We must enlist

our many male allies. We must step up to the plate, letting it be known that we are ready to lead, that in fact we demand it as a birthright.

If we think creatively, if we use our community resources (a particular strength of women), if we support women who say they want to lead, if we use our voices and our votes to get there, we will achieve the transformation of power. And everyone will be better for it. Our daughters and sons and grandchildren will thank us, because their world will offer more options. We owe it to them. And to ourselves.

Marie C. Wilson is founder and president of The White House Project (www.thewhitehouseproject.org), a U.S. nonprofit organization dedicated to advancing women’s leadership across sectors and fostering the entry of women into all positions of leadership, including the presidency. She is also the author of the new book Closing the Leadership Gap: Why Women Can and Must Help Run the World (Viking). This text was adapted from the book If Women Ruled the World, edited by Sheila Ellison (Inner Ocean Publishing).

“I just think we need to learn from each other to know what’s reasonable, what’s possible, and have information to make informed decisions,” she said.

[Have you shared your salary with friends or colleagues? What were the results? Please tell us about it in the comments.]

Talking about money, especially for women, has long been considered taboo. “For a long time, the narrative was that to even be interested in money was on some level unfeminine or crass,” said Amanda Steinberg, the founder of a financial literacy website for women called DailyWorth, who runs a leadership training start-up.

And yet slowly but surely, it seems, that taboo is being broken down by a new generation of workers. Forget talking about our sex lives. The modern woman is talking about money.

And why wouldn’t she be?

Talking to a colleague can help pinpoint the going rate or range, particularly in newer industries, or creative fields, where there isn’t a precedent (or information on websites like Payscale or Salary.com).

For younger workers, one of the ways of moving up is often to take on additional duties, only to then realize, as one friend recently did, that you won’t necessarily be paid for the work.

(That friend, who is preparing to negotiate a raise during her annual

review, as many of you may now be, told me she had collected the salaries of five of her peers in five different departments, each of whom has a full-time job that encompasses some of the work she has taken on. Each of them makes more money than her.)

And, of course, there’s that whole wage-gap thing. How can you know you’re being paid less than other races or genders if you don’t know what your colleagues make?

“My personality is not to look at it, not to think about it. It’s not my goal in life to become rich, and it’s not what drives me,” said Lotte Marie Allen, 31, who works in arts education at the School of Visual Arts in New York. “But I know that, especially for women, money is one of the necessary things to talk about — like broccoli or something.”

And so, like anything, she has practiced. She said that she and a friend recently shared their salary figures during a walk in the park by her home. “I have a very close inner circle of friends,” Ms. Allen said. “I talk about money, politics and sex with them all the time.”

Over the past few years, a variety of organizations have followed suit: Ellevest, started by the former Wall Street executive Sallie Krawcheck, has a mission to help teach women how to invest. (“I would argue that in our society, money is viewed as a male construct,” she has said.)

At events for Ladies Get Paid, which has a membership community of more than 60,000 women, according to its founder, Ms. Wasserman said she often asks attendees to state their desired salary number — “a number that makes you uncomfortable” — out loud. “It’s so fascinating to watch,” she said.

Elsewhere, Cardi B is giving advice on asking for your worth; stars are speaking out about the pay gap in Hollywood; and in November an anonymous “Real Media Salaries” spreadsheet — that, for what it’s worth, some have noted may not have been so accurate — prompted a conversation among journalists about compensation.

That was followed by an Instagram account, Real Agency Salaries, that listed salaries in advertising. (We share everything else on Instagram — why not our salaries?)

“This is like a sexy thing,” Ms. Wasserman said. “It’s not boring, it’s not scary, it’s not something to be ashamed of.”

Of course, that media list may have been anonymous for a reason.

While it is illegal for most private-sector employers to retaliate against workers for discussing wages — and in 2014, President Obama signed an executive order prohibiting federal contractors from retaliating against employees who talk about pay — penalties for those who break those rules are often weak.

Different companies have different policies. Sometimes they are buried in an employee handbook. (Here is a handy list of laws by state.)

Emiliano Huet-Vaughn, an economist, found in a 2013 study that workers are more productive when salary is transparent. But there is also research, from the University of California, Berkeley economics professor David Card, that found that learning about the salaries of peers could also make employees pretty miserable.

Sharing information with a friend or colleague you trust, however, is not the same as involuntarily learning that the slacker you share a cubicle with makes more than you do.

Though it still requires some tact.

Ms. Wiener, the software engineer, noted that her Thanksgivingturned-salary-sharing-confessional was at first awkward, though less so “once we started talking.”

“I’ve ultimately found that it’s much more comfortable when you do it one on one,” she said — and with someone you know and trust.

And she doesn’t just blurt out her number. Recently, over dinner with a male friend, she said she opted for a version of: “I was talking to another friend about how they share their salary figures, and I am trying to understand if other people do this. So I was wondering, do you do this? Would you feel O.K. telling me what your salary is? I’ll tell you mine.”

“I feel like it’s almost like dating in that you have to be tactical about your pickup line,” she said.

In this case, it worked.

April ‘20

Bombshell

FEMINIST PARENTING: THE FIGHT FOR EQUALITY AT HOME March 8 is International Women’s Day, a day which makes visible the different areas in which women’s rights continue to be compromised. A day in which we ask for political, social, economical –and I always add emotional—equality of the sexes. Some of the themes we fight for include: -A holistic approach to sexual education -Recognition of unpaid domestic labor -Elimination of the wage gap Safe spaces where women can roam freely with no fear of getting hurt (neither physically nor emotionally) A big part of my efforts as a child and adolescent clinical psychologist with a feminist perspective, is to create content (in the form of articles, workshops, courses, and/or seminars) to prevent violence against women; foster a culture of shared responsibility between mothers and fathers; minimize toxic masculinity in young boys; open a conversation about sexual consent; among others.

To me, a society is a reflection of what happens at home. And, if we want a society based on equality, we must first build a home based on equality, as well. Which, to me, can be summarized in three key points:

BY MARIANA PLATA Child Psychologist

BY MARIANNE SCHNALL

SHARING THE DOMESTIC WORK AT HOME

SENSITIZE YOUNG BOYS

According to UN Women, women do 2.5 times more unpaid domestic work (cleaning, cooking, taking care of children, housekeeping) than men. This has a direct effect on the quantity of time that they can devote to their actual careers and paid work. Which, consequently, affects women’s access to leadership roles. This takes a toll on their emotional health, which affects their overall wellbeing.

Toxic masculinity and its effects on boys and men have become so troublesome, that the American Association of Psychology (APA) has launched a special guide to counteract the negative impact these messages have in boys’ and men’s mental health.

FOSTER LEADERSHIP IN YOUNG GIRLS “Strong” and “dominant” have historically had a negative connotation when associated with powerful women. It’s time to change that. A strong girl, with strong self-esteem and enough self-love, is a girl who unapologetically expresses their needs to the world. Culturally, this is seen differently.

Having access to STEM careers, for example, can foster a greater receptiveness towards leadership in girls. Girls who, eventually, will become women in leadership positions—a move that’s been confirmed is good for the economy and the world. This is why it’s so important to foster in our girls that they develop their own voice, their autonomy, and their inner strength.

MALE ACTIVISTS REACT TO ‘LOCKER ROOM TALK’

These toxic messages that pressure boys into a stereotype of what a man “should be” limits their emotional expression. And, if they can’t manage their emotions appropriately, the risk becomes higher for them to act out. Which has a direct relationship with the high rates of violence against women.

This is why we should raise sensible, emotionally intelligent boys. Who are unafraid to own their vulnerability and express it. If we do so, we are raising emotionally healthier boys who will respect women and provide them with the safe spaces we so desperately need.

The question is if our sons and daughters are listening to those of us who believe in gender equality, or are they listening to the toxic side of social media. We need to be brave enough to offer the alternative - to ask our daughters and sons in caring and open ways about their fears, and desires and doubts and be willing to answer and listen to help them learn about sexuality in caring, respectful ways.

I truly believe that if we start working at a preventive level—focusing on these three aspects—we can start to raise a more empathetic, kind, respectful and socially conscious generation of girls and boys. To me, this is the true essence of what feminist parenting is. Isn’t that the kind of world we want for our sons and daughters?

Executive Director, Writer

In a past tape leaked by Access Hollywood and obtained by The Washington Post, President Donald Trump is heard talking about how he would force himself on women, bragging in lewd terms about kissing and groping women, even “grabbing them by the pussy.” He boasted, “And when you are a star, they let you do it.” Like Michelle Obama expressed in her powerful and moving speech, I too, along with many other women and men, can admit to feeling “shaken to my core” by these developments. In a statement Trump released after the video went public, and again, in comments made duribg the debates, he downplayed his comments as just “locker room talk,” as if these vulgar comments -- and sexually predatory behavior that amount to sexual assault -- is something all men do and believe is acceptable.

Having worked in alliance with many men and men’s organizations over the years, I know that not to be the case with most men, so I reached out to several leading men who are working to promote gender equality for their thoughts. One of these advocates is Tony Porter, CEO of A CALL TO MEN, an organization that promotes healthy, respectful manhood to prevent violence and discrimination against all women and girls.

“You are seeing the harmful outcome of aspects of what men and boys are taught about manhood,” Porter said. “That collective socialization creates unwritten rules that allow us to dismiss comments, jokes or behaviors that devalue women and girls, and through our silence, create the fertile ground where violence and discrimination against women can take root and flourish.”

Through this collective socialization, Porter says, men and boys are taught to define themselves by devaluing women and girls, often through phrases so ingrained in our culture we don’t give them a second thought: “You throw like a girl,” “Man up,” and explicit sayings that use gender-based attributes to bully and discriminate like, “Don’t be a p----.”

IF WE WANT AN EQUAL SOCIETY, WE MUST FIRST HAVE AN EQUAL HOME.

Porter believes Trump is using those very constructs as his defense.

By saying his comments are “locker room talk,” he is challenging the man card of all men -- rebuff me and your manhood is in question. Boys learn their attitudes, beliefs and behaviors from a society of men, especially their fathers and father figures.

Unfortunately, conversations that devalue women do happen in locker rooms, as well as board rooms, the barber shop, the golf course, and other places where men gather. But there are also many men who are rallying, saying, “Not in my locker room, not in my household, not in my office, and not in my community.” There is ongoing, innovative work advancing gender equality and preventing violence and discrimination.

I reached out to some of these men for their thoughts and insights which you will find below. They represent a growing movement and community, as well as further resources for those looking to be a part of positive change.

In his “apology,” Trump excused his comments as “locker room banter,” How do you feel about that and about what Trump said?

“It’s totally ridiculous and he clearly is facing backlash about it. There have been even a number of athletes who have taken offense about this comment. Usually, he simply denies outrageous things he’s said, but this time around, he had to utilize minimization and justification.

Interestingly, all of these are tactics that abusive partners use in their relationships.” --Juan Carlos Areán “The locker room banter excuse might work for a 13-year-old boy who is trying to figure out his way in the challenges of being pressured to show a certain kind of manhood - the toxic kind that says women and girls are prey and that no means yes. It doesn’t hold up for a man who was 59 at the time. It’s a defense of the indefensible.

Any decent human being in this moment apologizes for the harm he caused, would acknowledge that his words represent the worst of toxic masculinities and would affirm the ways in which he has changed. Alas, there is no evidence that Donald Trump has changed.

He continues to represent and embody American misogyny at its worst. Period.” --Gary Barker

“It’s notable that this is no different from what you’d hear in army barracks or frat houses, or among athletes who feel so entitled to do anything they want: ‘And they let you do it!’ But you also expect most men to outgrow this when they actually have to interact with real women as human beings--like wives and daughters and colleagues and friends.

That is, by age 30. Okay, push it to 45. But 60? Sorry, but the guy is old enough to be a grandfather, old enough to be considered a ‘dirty old man’ for acting like that. It also shows how so much of this ‘banter’ is homosocial posturing. He says it not to ‘get’ women but to get the guys to think ‘Oh wow, this guy is awesome.’” --Michael Kimmel “It’s the same old tired refrain, about men having a private world where anything goes, and boys can be boys, and all bets are off.” --Mark Matousek “Put Trump’s words in the mouth of a college football player and you get right to the heart of work to end sexual violence on college campuses. The lack of response to such language, attitudes and behavior of men’s entitlement to women’s bodies is at the center of hundreds of investigations by the Department of Justice Office of Civil Rights, of how colleges respond to sexual assault complaints and the culture that is silent about it. Put those words in the mouth of a college football player and its supports the narrative that conflates entitled athletes as sexual predators emboldened by the culture of misogyny and sexism that festers in the “locker room.” It assumes the locker room to be devoid of mature, respectful men and wrought with braggadocios misogyny that is celebrated and permissible because women or men of integrity are absent.” --Don McPherson

What needs to change in our society and culture to address these types of actions and behavior?

“In my opinion, more men have to step up and confront other men who use abusive and threatening language. The good news is that an increasing number of men are speaking out against this kind of misogynist, abusive language. I believe there is a higher level of awareness than even 10 years ago.” --Juan Carlos Areán “Every coach, or father, every mother for that matter, who gives echo to this view that “boys will be boys”, who supports the notion of male entitlement to sex and to controlling others, needs to be called out. Every leader, every presidential candidate, who does so, also needs to be called out. These norms continue to exist because we encourage them or turn a blind eye to them. They are not just harmless banter. These words encourage the young men who would have sex with a drunk girl, who would join up with their male peers to take inappropriate pictures of a girl, and to the young man who would bully a gay youth. All of us who raise boys have a duty to teach, to live and breathe equality and to question these harmful ideas about manhood that are alive and well in the U.S. and much of the world.” --Gary Barker “As long as testosterone is treated as an insanity defense, and ‘that’s just how men are’ is used as a public mantra, nothing will change. The meme, ‘When the penis gets hard, the brain goes soft,’ is obsolete and frankly stupid.” --Mark Matousek “Those who excuse the language as ‘locker room’ talk not only support the need for the examination of such language and its role in the milieu that forms rape culture. It also suggests a need to expand of the Department of Justice’s investigations beyond college campuses to all places where euphemism like ‘locker room’ talk are used to excuse the language of sexual assault.” --Don McPherson

Our daughters and sons are listening. How can we turn this into a teachable moment?

“The Trump tape provides a perfect opportunity for parents to talk to children and explain why it is wrong. I think it is particularly critical that fathers talk to their sons and, from an early age, teach them respect for women and girls. In fact, I believe this is the only way we will solve this problem.” --Juan Carlos Areán

“I think this is already happening. Sane men are sharing their outrage along with their wives, mothers, daughters, and sisters.

We know that this has got to change.” --Mark Matousek “The teachable moment is for men to talk to boys about the impact of their silence in moments like this. Silence supports the bully and allows sexism and misogyny to be the accepted norm.” --Don McPherson The question is if our sons and daughters are listening to those of us who believe in gender equality, or are they listening to the toxic side of social media. The other issue is if parents in the U.S. are brave enough to actually talk about sex and consent with their children. Too many aren’t. And if we don’t talk to them, we know what they can access with just 2 strokes on the internet - everything from the insipid banger of Billy and Donald to erotic media that objectifies women and men. We need to be brave enough to offer the alternative - to ask our daughters and sons in caring and open ways about their fears, and desires and doubts and be willing to answer and listen to help them learn about sexuality in caring, respectful ways. --Gary Barker

What message would you most want to get out to the men of the world?

“In this particular case, I think it is important to emphasize that this is not a political issue. I am as outraged (or more) when politicians I support act in abusive and misogynistic ways. I think every man has the responsibility to denounce this kind of misbehavior. I don’t believe anyone can be neutral; we are either part of the solution or part of the problem.” -- Juan Carlos Areán “I think that most men in the world know that Trump’s statements and actions toward women are reprehensible. There is an anger and polarization in US politics (and maybe in much of the world) that has driven us backwards in terms of gender equality and women’s rights, to make it possible for Trump to have gotten where he is. But even so I think even most of Trump’s supporters know that he is a misogynist but they tolerate it because they support his other ideas. I’d tell men: listen to your gut. You know that only yes means yes, that unwanted touch is harassment, that every woman and girl (and man and boy) deserves to control their own body. You know that. Speak up about it.

Be the decent men you want to be and are and don’t be taken in by the bully.” --Gary Barker “When you stop hating your masculinity, you can act like men. When you reject the culture’s cartoonish definition of masculinity--which is understandably onerous--the urge to take your aggression out on women will also shift. --Mark Matousek

What message would you most want to get out to the women of the world?

“Shortly after the Trump tape was released, author Kelly Oxford asked women to tweet a description of their first sexual assault.

She received 50 responses per minute. Reading the stories was heartbreaking. Not because it was new, but because it was so real and huge. What I would like to tell those women is ‘I’m sorry this happened to you and please forgive me for anything I’ve done in my life to contribute to rape culture.’ Pretty much the opposite of what Trump said.” --Juan Carlos Areán Do women need a message about this? You know misogynists. You’ve lived with them, you’ve been assaulted by them. You know the harm they cause. It is small consolation that some - many - men are speaking out against Trump. We should be beyond this. It’s a national shame that a presidential candidate is taking us back or giving voice to the worst of men’s behaviors. All I can say that as a man, as a human being, I share the repudiation and the disgust toward “locker room banter.” --Gary Barker “Keep expressing your outrage. Keep holding these rapists’ feet to the fire. Keep refusing to be intimidated. And don’t give up on men.

Please. We really are redeemable.” --Mark Matousek

April ‘20

THE FEMINIST ZODIAC SIGNS WHO ARE ‘NASTY WOMEN’

BY CHRISTINE SHOENWALD Star-sign Enthusiest

When Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton a nasty woman, he meant it as an insult and as an old-school sexist remark. What he didn’t realize was that women everywhere would embrace it and turn it into a brag. Women decided that “nasty” would be a quality that women would inspire to be.

Nasty boys may not mean a thing, as Janet Jackson said in her 1986 song “Nasty Boy,” but now, over 30 years later, nasty women mean everything.

7. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

10. PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Capricorns are nasty women because they’re amazing strategists and have the ability to wait before acting so that their action makes the greatest impact. Capricorns are wise and they’ve learned from the past, so they know the best social justice moves to make.

Pisces are nasty women because they’re compassionate. They want everyone to have the same opportunities and rights as everyone else.

Don’t think because they tend to be conservative that they’re not nasty women — they are, just very controlled and careful nasty women.

They may not march or do battle in obvious ways, but they’ll make the phone calls, and find creative ways of fighting back. Art can be a way of rebelling and standing up to the status quo.

We should all aspire to be nasty women as they have opinions and a voice. They say the things that women aren’t supposed to say, especially if their horoscope indicates they should stay mum. Nasty women act, march for justice, and aren’t afraid of being unlikeable. Nasty women take back their power and, in turn, become empowered.

8. Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

11. VIRGO (Aug. 23 - Sep. 22)

Aquarius are nasty women because they’re humanitarians at their core. They want to save the earth and all of its inhabitants.

Virgos are quietly nasty women. They fight analytically and with an attention to detail.

Nasty women are the women who stand in solidarity and fight for LGBTQ rights, education, racial equality, accessible and affordable healthcare, and reproductive rights. Standing up for what you believe in and defending the rights of others is not just nasty, it’s noble.

They’re innovative in their ways of fighting and they get excited about new ideas. Aquarians won’t back down from a fight, and they don’t need an army to do battle — they can fight solo if they need to.

They want to fix a system that is broken and they work to discover ways in which to do this. There are times that their overcritical nature may stall them for a bit, but they’ll get back on track quickly.

We all have varying degrees of nastiness in us. You might not participate in every march but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t doing what you can to fight injustice. You may not be screaming on the front lines, but when you encounter racism or sexism in your own home, you stand up and defend the issues you feel are important.

9. TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)

We’re all nasty women in some way. And here are the zodiac signs who are nasty women, ranked from most to least.

They see the long game and are willing to fight for a cause as long as it’s necessary. Taurus don’t give up, even when others may want them to.

1. ARIES (March 21 - April 19) Aries women are nasty women because they’re passionate about what they believe in and have the courage to fight for it. They may take chances, but these risks often lead to the greatest victories.

An Aries woman will fight for people who don’t have the ability to fight for themselves. You don’t want to mess with an Aries woman for she’ll take you down.

2. SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) Scorpio women are nasty women because of their intense focus and passion. They’re warriors and will not stop until they have victory, and even then, they’ll continue fighting.

When a Scorpio has your back, you feel safe enough to step out of your comfort zone. Scorpios are tremendously faithful and will fight for you long after you’ve stopped fighting for yourself.

3. LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22) Leos are nasty women because they’re leaders. They’re powerful, captivating, and they have the ability to get people to fight alongside them for their cause. Leos don’t sit on the sidelines, they throw themselves into the middle of the conflict.

They speak their minds honestly and from the heart. People may try to stop them, but the Leo woman knows how to out-maneuver them and keep going.

4. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) Sagittarius women are nasty women because they’re straightforward — sometimes to the point of being blunt. They speak their minds and don’t care who they offend, especially if their message is important to them.

They have a very strong sense of what is right and wrong, and that sense guides them in all they do.

5. GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) Geminis are nasty women because they’re intelligent and know how to fight with words. They know the importance of having an opinion and a voice.

Geminis know how to say the things that they’re not supposed to say in such a way that their message comes across clearly.

6. LIBRA (Sep. 23 - Oct. 22) Libras are nasty women because they absolutely can’t tolerate injustice and will stand up against racism, sexism, harassment, homophobia, transphobia, prejudice, and bigotry.

They don’t create conflict for conflict’s sake, so when they fight it’s because they see no other way around it.

Taurus are nasty women because when they believe in something, it is very difficult to dissuade them. Taurus might be stubborn but that stubbornness is crucial when a battle is long and drawn out.

12. CANCER (June 21 - July 22) Cancers are nasty women because they care so deeply about people.

They may get down when they are staring in the face of injustice, but they will rally and come up with brilliant ways in which to fight.

They tend to get angry when they encounter discrimination and inequality, but that anger just fuels their fire.