The Edmonton Conference on Behavioural, Developmental & Emotional Challenges

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Child & Youth focused Topics WHO SHOULD ATTEND Education & Clinical Professionals: All education and mental health or healthcare professionals who work with children or youth including, but not limited to K–12 Classroom Teachers, School Counsellors, Learning Assistance/Resource Teachers, School Administrators, School Paraprofessionals including Special Education Assistants, Classroom Assistants and Childcare Workers.

All other professionals who support behavioural challenges and complex learning needs including but not limited to: Nurses, Social Workers, Psychologists, Clinical Counsellors, Family Therapists, Occupational Therapists, Speech Language Pathologists, Addiction Counsellors, Youth Workers, Mental Health Workers, Probation Officers and Community Police Officers.

Live In-Person • Complimentary tea, coffee

The EDMONTON Conference on

Behavioural, Developmental & Emotional Challenges with Children & Adolescents December 2–4, 2024

Edmonton, AB

Monday to Wednesday 8:30am to 4:00pm

Royal Hotel West Edmonton 10010 - 178 Street NW

Lynne Kenney Psy.D.

Caroline Buzanko Ph.D., R.Psych

Gordon Neufeld Ph.D.

Pamela Malkoff Hayes

MFT, LMHC, LPC, ATR-BC

and assorted pastries

• On-site exhibitors

Please note, in-person registration does not include access to the live stream or recorded footage.

Live Stream from Home This conference will be live streaming from Edmonton, AB to online participants on Deecmber 2–4, 2024 from 8:30am – 4:00pm MT Recorded footage and all course content will be available until January 5, 2025. Please allow 3–5 business days after the conference has ended for recorded footage to become available.

Live stream registration: www.webinars.jackhirose.com

üü Working with Violent and Aggressive Children & Youth

üü Strengthen Executive Function with 20 Brain Coaching & Cognitive-Motor Activities to Improve Self-Regulation, Attention, Memory and Response Inhibition in Children and Adolescents

üü Art Therapy: Creative Interventions for Kids with Trauma, Anxiety, ADHD and More!

üü Supporting the Anxious & Worried Mind in the Classroom and at School

üü Keeping Children Safe in a Wounding World

üü Nurturing Resilience üü Stress and Resilience üü Proven Brief Interventions to Help Students with Emotional and Behavioural Problems

JACKHI ROSE.COM | 1.800.456.5424

TABLE OF CONTENTS 1

DAY ONE #1 & 3: Working with Violent and Aggressive Children & Youth

pg. 4

#2 & 4: Strengthen Executive Function with 20 Brain Coaching &

pg. 27

Cognitive-Motor Activities to Improve Self-Regulation

2

23

DAY TWO #5 & 7: Art Therapy Interventions to Address Anxiety and Trauma for Kids

pg. 90

#6 & 8: Supporting the Anxious & Worried Mind in the Classroom

pg. 100

DAY THREE #9: Keeping Children Safe in a Wounding World

pg. 244

#10: Nurturing Resilience

pg. 262

#11: Stress and Resilience

pg. 332

#12: Proven Brief Interventions to Help Students with Emotional Problems

pg. 347

THE EDMONTON CONFERENCE ON BEHAVIOURAL, DEVELOPMENTAL & EMOTIONAL CHALLENGES WITH CHILDREN & ADOLESCENTS

AGGRESSION

working with violent and aggressive children and youth Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Clinical & Developmental Psychologist Founder of the Neufeld Institute Vancouver, Canada

A JACK HIROSE SEMINAR

Healing & Trea,ng Trauma Wounds Edmonton, Alberta December 2, 2024

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

The handout is intended for registered par?cipants of this seminar only.

Please do notduplicate this document without permission.For more informa?on regarding the Neufeld Ins?tute or Dr. Neufeld and his work, please consult the website.

www. neufeldins,tute.org

Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

working with AGGRESSIVE and VIOLENT Children and Youth Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Clinical & Developmental Psychologist

Vancouver, Canada

ag a r gre ev ssi olu on 8o , d na ep ry res ap sio pro n a ac nd h t su o NEUFELD’S TRAFFIC CIRCLE MODEL OF icide

frustration

THE UNTOLD STORY OF FRUSTRATION

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

1

Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

Becoming Acquainted - is BLIND and IMPULSIVE if not felt, which can be most (if not all) of the Fme

- is one of Nature’s most powerful and primordial instruments of CARE - comes into existence when things aren’t working, and sFcks around seeking for resoluFon of some kind

- is typically perceived as a NEGATIVE and unnecessary emoFon and therefore not always invited to exist

- serves ATTACHMENT first and foremost as aQachment is what most needs to work

- is rouFnely VILLIFIED for the way it expresses itself when its purposes are thwarted

- has a MIND of its OWN, bent on effec$ng change when sensing disasFsfacFon, but not at all inclined to consult with higher mental processes

- has many and diverse OFFSPRING involving cogniFon & behaviour, which oNen tend to camouflage its existence

Becoming Acquainted S SU UM IMP ICID U A T FRU GUILT LSES L TR AN

STR A DEPBASEDTIONRES SIO ELFENS T SIV MEN SES OVEA B O PR NGER IMV

IOLENC E ION G AG RESS SELF CK A ATT

EMOTIONAL FIXES FOR ATTACHMENT DISTRESS

Fixes closure Fixations

COMMON MISTAKE Displacing frustra8on to another 8me and place by responding in ways that intensify or .

separa$ontriggered

PURSUIT

ALARM

FRUSTRATION

cau$on

FlIGHT

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

change

FIGHT

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

Attachment’s Emergency First Aid Team

-

-P

M

R LA

-A

UR SU IT -

- FRUSTRATION -

OUR MOTTO - “We promise to get emo.onal when holes appear in the fabric of your togetherness”

The primal separation emotions extend the evolutionary reach of the proximity instincts to patch any holes that may appear in the fabric of togetherness.

These impulse-driven patches are pre-programmed scripts, situational in nature and blindly applied.

attachment instincts

Any resulting proximity comes at a cost to a sense of security.

sensing thwarted togetherness

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

e ms irritability eng s antru elf-p t rev ds self-blame unis hme nt BEHAVIORAL hos8 sults AGGRESSION lity in DERIVATIVES OF m impa8ence s g g FRUSTRATION sarca fyin n h 8 VIOLE u iVn self-a j s8 NCE figh g Tack COGNITION-

foul

BASED DERIVATIVES OF FRUSTRATION

(ie, secondary emo8on)

PRIMAL EMOTION

wor

ANGER

GUILT

SHAME

judgements regarding whose fault

FRUSTRATION triggered by thwarted proximity

CHALLENGE to see through the distrac8ng deriva8ves of frustra8on to the emo8on itself and its typical roots in aTachment distress

PRIMARY CAUSE OF FRUSTRATION

- experienced only by HUMANS

- experienced by all MAMMALS

- triggered by perceived injus$ce

- evoked by something not working

- a SECONDARY emoFon involving - a PRIMAL emoFon that can exist without thinking or feeling cogniFon and consciousness - triggers impulses to assign BLAME - triggers impulses to effect CHANGE, and if thwarted in this and seek jusFce (eg, get even, work and the fuFlity not felt, in exact revenge, seek an apology) aQacking energy and impulses - focusing on anger including confronFng it, interferes with resolving underlying frustraFon

- focusing on frustraFon, even if anger exists, best sets the stage for healthy resoluFon

Anger eclipses and camouflages frustration and distracts from its resolution

frustration A STORY OF ALTERNATE OUTCOMES

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration A STORY OF ALTERNATE OUTCOMES

• demanding & commanding • bossing and controlling

OTHERS

• exposing one’s neediness • advising and confronFng • construcFng & problem solving • planning and scheming • orchestraFng & organizing

THINGS

• controlling and manipulaFng

• improving one’s self • adjusFng & accommodaFng

SELF

• trying harder to make things work • sacrificing self to make things work

frustration A STORY OF ALTERNATE OUTCOMES

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

• holding on to good experiences

• geYng one’s way all the Fme

• altering Fme or reality or the past

• keeping siblings from being born or sending them back

• altering circumstances or another’s character or decisions

• choosing one’s parents or keeping them together • making things work that won’t

• keeping bad things from happening, including loss and dying

• altering the ‘givens’ • avoiding upset

• defying the laws of nature

for spontaneous transforma$on to happen, FUTILITY has to be truly FELT, not just known

• RELIEF from the emoFonal pressure of stuck & stale frustraFon • emoFonal RESET and RENEWAL as frustraFon is RESOLVED • emoFonal REST from fuFle work, rendering discipline effecFve and enabling healing and leYng go

• RECOVERY of the capacity for fulfillment and happiness as well as the spontaneous realizaFon of potenFal • develops RESILIENCE as strength results from facing and feeling fuFlity • RESTORES hope and perspecFve

for spontaneous transforma$on to happen, FUTILITY has to be truly FELT, not just known

Attachment’s Emergency First Aid Team

OUR MOTTO - “We promise to get emo.onal when holes appear in the fabric of your togetherness” “We also promise to hang around un.l fu.lity is felt”

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

The Work & Wisdom of Frustration • how Nature ensures our ongoing personal EVOLUTION, developing us as agents of change and transforming us when that change is not possible, thus conFnually moving us towards a more saFsfying state of being • how Nature takes CARE of us, regardless of the situaFon or circumstances we are born to, and regardless of what happens along the way • could be considered the core work of THERAPY, that is, to facilitate the work of frustraFon

to make things

frustration sets the stage to from fuFle endeavours and be instead

frustration A STORY OF ALTERNATE OUTCOMES

hitting & fighting fits & tantrums

acting mean & rude hostility attacking gestures foul moods & cutting words

selfattack

self-deprecation irritability & impatience

suicidal ideation violent fantasies vicarious attacks ignoring, shunning, ostracizing

putdowns & shaming biting, throwing, screaming sarcasm & insults

ERUPTIONS OF FRUSTRATION-FUELED ATTACKING ENERGY ie, the face of frustraFon when thwarted in its purposes

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

- if frustraFon-fueled, results from aQacking impulses that have been displaced to the self

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

- a messy construct that interferes with insight as to its varied emoFonal roots

- self-aQack can take many forms – self-derision, self-hatred, selfdeprecaFon, self-negaFng, selfhiYng, AND also includes most suicidal ideaFon and impulses

- most of what is referred to as self-harm (ie, burning, cuYng, hair-pulling) is rooted in being so defended against the primal emoFon of alarm that engaging in alarming behaviour evokes - some other moFvaFons for suicide are PURSUIT (eg, to join a loved one, an adrenalin rush without any increase one’s status), ALARM (pre- corresponding sense of vulnerability. This kind of selfempt a terrifying scenario), or as a harm can also evoke the body’s DEFENSE against an unbearable defenses against pain. experience The current construct of self-harm tends to eclipse and camouflage its varied emo8onal roots in alarm, frustra8on and pursuit

#1 frustration #3

aLacking impulses are UNtempered

THE ANTECEDENTS OF AGGRESSION

#2

FUTILITY is encountered but NOT FELT

A T T A C K

COMMON MISTAKE Adding consequences to frustra8on-driven aTacks that fuel its antecedents

TRAVERSING THE TRAFFIC CIRCLE OF MODEL OF

frustration EXAMINING THE ROLES OF ...

• MATURATION in determining outcomes • ATTACHMENT, especially in the depression and displacement of aQacking impulses • FEELING in determining outcomes • EMOTIONAL PLAY in determining outcomes

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration

lacking a developed capacity to hold on when apart

frustration

lacking a rela$onship with frustra$on

lacking ability to effect change

lacking mixed feelings THE FACTOR

lacking support for felt fu$lity

DEVELOPMENTAL SOLUTION TO THWARTED TOGETHERNESS

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration

n io at r u at m al on

l& na o i at el r t

i ot m e

r po p Su

Five Steps of Emotional Maturation where self-disclosure begins where self-control begins

COMMON MISTAKE Not retrea8ng far enough developmentally in order to get at the root of the emo8onal immaturity

frustration a newly developed capacity for mixed feelings THE FACTOR

where FUTILITY is more likely to be encountered but NOT necessarily FELT

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration THE

m

o FACTOR fr

n tio a a newlytr developed us capacity fr for mixed ed feelings pp a r

t

lt su e where FUTILITY r n is more likely a c to be encountered but n NOT necessarily sio FELT es r p De

r fo n . o ti d ra ere a ep mp pr te in ng ty mi i l ti co fu be f s s o ulse g lin p ee g im f n t or cki p a p t Su at

frustration

frustration - is where we get most frustrated and are most likely to encounter fu8lity

- is where we have the most reason to be tempered THE

FACTOR

- is where we have the most to cry about and are most in need of safe rela8onships to access those tears

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration THE FACTOR

cannot alter rela$onal LOSS or LACK, including the invita$on to exist, or the other’s will to hold on to us

e can b

to s ent achm T a save

THWARTED PROXIMITY

will be UNTEMPERED where development A &/or aLachment is lacking T

T A C cannot access K SADNESS without the SAFETY that comes primarily in the context of warm aLachment

frustration THE FACTOR

THWARTED PROXIMITY

A T T A C K

can re be wo duce r t (incking ahe th lud Ta rea to ing chm t to to SEL ents F)

FRUSTRATION triggered by thwarted proximity

depression = fla<ened affect

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

The Wisdom of Depression Although inherently biased to express ourselves, when this expression threatens attachment the human brain is wisely programmed to sacrifice emotional expression for the sake of togetherness.

This core internal defense results in the brain being divided against itself and comes at a great cost to energy and functioning.

frustration

n d io ce ect a f nn ng co i be he THE on t t i p at ru ar dis FACTOR p se s e ack h t tt ce t a u e d l Re n’t o d d an

frustration

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

s

moved to make things

• the brain must FEEL its way through to effecFve change or transforming adaptaFon

s

fee ling

ng eli fe

• feelings are the ‘EYES’ of frustraFon, opFmizing its work

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration s

fee lin g

s

ng eli fe

• feelings LINK cause & effect and provide FEEDBACK re effecFveness or fuFlity

sets the stage to REST from fuFle endeavours and be CHANGED instead

• the more deeply and vulnerably the frustraFon is felt, the more INFORMED are the aQempts at change but also the more likely to feel the FUTILITY of fixing a relaFonal separaFon problem

Giving the Brain the Feedback it Needs To facilitate the work of frustra.on, scenarios must end in one of two feelings - flip sides of the same emo.onal coin & derived from the same La.n word ‘sate’ meaning ‘enough’ or ‘turning point’.

Today’s society lacks the wisdom to take scenarios to their emo.onal endpoints , believing instead in the‘mind’ as the answer.

F RU S T R AT I O N

Accessing sadness is much easier via frustration

futility

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

cannot manage frustra$on that is not FELT

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration

without FEELINGS, aLempts to effect change will be uninformed

lack of mixed FEELINGS leaves aLacking impulses A UNtempered T

T A C K

the fu$lity encountered must be FELT for frustra$on to end and adapta$on to occur

cannot manage frustra$on that is not FELT

frustration

without FEELINGS, aLempts to effect change will be uninformed

a lack of feeling restricts release through SELFDISCLOSURE

the fu$lity encountered must be FELT for frustra$on to end and adapta$on to occur

frustration ion ing

t d y ra vi st pro pla u fr s, nd of ling ip a y l al ee sh ci d f ion e e sp ix lat , e s m re s h g in l a g el wel rou e t f as th or ss ary p p ne u Su ad nct s sa d an afe s

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration THE FACTOR

l rea

NO T

for

wo rk

T NO

PLAY expressive

- frustra8on is not at work in play

frustration

- altera8ons are prac8ced in play and energy to effect change released in play

- the prefrontal cortex is developed in play and mixed feelings first occur in play

THE FACTOR - fu8lity is much easier to take and to feel when one step removed from real life

- playful aTacks are not usually as threatening to working aTachments

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

full of residual frustra$on that has not been discharged in play

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

frustration lacking a play-developed prefrontal cortex

lacking playful altera$on

THE FACTOR

A T T A C K

lacking playful access to sadness

full of residual frustra$on that has not been discharged in play

frustration aLacking is too costly but NOT released in play

lacking playful altera$on

THE FACTOR

lacking playful access to sadness

s nd u ro s yg nes a l d l p sa a d on n THE oti n a o em ati o r t st sFACTOR es fru c e ac e gag r o en m e will d i ov at P r th

frustration

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

Taking FRUSTRATION out to PLAY

Inviting FRUSTRATION to PLAY frustra8on-fuelled energy and impulses to make things or to make things work • construc.ng and craJs • organizing and orchestra.ng • designing and engineering • developing models, sets and scenarios

frustra8on-fuelled energy and impulses to aTack or destroy • destroying & demolishing in play • play figh.ng & mock aggression • hiHng and throwing in play • kicking and screaming in play • war games, a<acking games • sword play, insult games • playful sarcasm and wit • a<acking energy in stories, art, music, dance and wri.ng

... pressing down on irritaFon or aggression ... trying hard not to get frustrated ... trying to make everything work ... aQempFng to keep posiFve ... controlling one’s thoughts ... aQempts at self-control ... trying to calm down ... striving for success ... fighFng depression

invite into play the underlying FRUSTRATION

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

Accessing sadness is usually easier in the play mode • renders defenses unnecessary, thus making it easier to feel

• plays directly to our emotions as in melancholy music, poetry, or a sad story

• provides something to cry about that is one step removed and thus not too much to bear

• can remove the impediments to tears such as selfconsciousness, shame, and social sanctions

• can set the stage with fantasies that reveal the futility

• contains the sadness to the parameters of play, rendering it more bearable

• shifts the locus from the HEAD to HEART, from thinking to feeling, from doing to being

• provides safe release for stuck emotion, thus making it easier to fall into our tears in the wake of intense expression

How to prime adaptation situationally where aggression is NOT a problem

Step One involves arranging an encounter with futility. (eg, decision, limit, rule, restriction, consequence, reality)

Step Two involves gently but firmly ‘holding’ in the experience of futility until there is nothing left to do but ‘cry’.

Step Three involves drawing out the sadness and disappointment in the context of warm comfort..

When ‘tears’ are stuck, steps should be reversed in order to avoid provoking aggression.When not able to do this work, we should find an adult to whom the child is attached to serve this function.

How to prime adaptation when tears are STUCK 1. Start with becoming accepted as an agent of comfort.

Come alongside but ‘go slow’. If you touch a wound, do so ever so gently and indirectly and do not linger.

2. Once comfort is accepted, proceed to act as an agent of futility, but only indirectly, not with futilities that are of your making. Stay primarily in the role of comforter.

3. Only once tears of sadness occur spontaneously is it safe to take a stronger stance as a direct agent of futility.

Always make sure there is a safe place for tears and prepare to take a tactical retreat if the process is leading to hardening instead of softening.

- use emotional playgrounds to access sadness -

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

To create a story of frustration with good outcomes ...

• accept that it exists and needs some space to work and to be expressed • call it by name, reframing as needed • make frustra$on the focus, not fault or resul$ng behaviour

... cultivate a healthy relationship with frustration

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

Subtract the blame to get to the frustration

sh am e

r ge an

guilt

Reflect the frustration, not one’s character or the behaviour, including the impact of the behaviour or how it violates.

To create a story of frustration with good outcomes ...

• accept that it exists and needs some space to work and to be expressed • call it by name, reframing as needed • make frustra$on the focus, not fault or resul$ng behaviour • come alongside frustra$on & its work • support outcomes that are incompa$ble with aggression, depression & suicide ... cultivate a healthy relationship with frustration

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Aggression - Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 2, 2024

Guidelines for handling incidents

Guidelines for Handling Incidents of Aggression & Violence 1. Instead of trying to make headway, aim to do NO HARM. 2. Maintain an ALPHA posture as much as possible.

3. Address the violation simply (if necessary) and REFRAME it as a problem with handling or managing frustration.

4. BRIDGE the problem behaviour as well as any discipline used.

5. SET THE STAGE for future intervention (to give a chance for feelings to calm down and to collect the child before going to work on the aggression problem).

6. EXIT sooner rather than later. Don’t try to teach a lesson.

To create a story of frustration with good outcomes ...

• accept that it exists and needs some space to work and to be expressed • call it by name, reframing as needed • make frustra$on the focus, not fault or resul$ng behaviour • come alongside frustra$on & its work • support outcomes that are incompa$ble with aggression, depression & suicide ... cultivate a healthy relationship with frustration

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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10/16/24

Strengthen Executive Function with 20 Brain Coaching & Cognitive-Motor Activities to Improve Self-Regulation, Attention, Memory and Response Inhibition in Children and Adolescents Lynne Kenney, PsyD Pediatric Psychologist Wellington Alexander Center Scottsdale, Arizona

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Workshop Overview Importance of Executive Function

Cognitive Motor Movement

The Ready To Learn Brain

Brain Lessons

Co-Existing Conditions Data Integration

Cognitive Skill Coaching & Motor Integration

@drlynnekenney lynne@lynnekenney.com

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We are Here to Shift the Trajectory of Children’s Learning

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Disclosures Dr. Kenney is a pediatric psychologist in the State of Arizona practicing on an intensive language and executive function treatment team at Wellington-Alexander Center for the treatment of Dyslexia, ADHD, Dyscalculia, and Dyspraxia.

As the author and co-author of five books, Dr. Kenney receives royalties from three publishers. Dr. Kenney develops executive function curriculum and cognitive-motor physical activity programs that are used worldwide. She is the creator of the CogniSuite™ Collection and co-creator of CogniMoves®. Dr. Kenney co-developed the first executive function and self-regulation roll-out mat, Cognitivities™ with Fit and Fun Playscapes.

Dr. Kenney’s primary income is from clinical practice, teaching, and product sales. The products mentioned in this presentation are not sponsored. Resources are shared for your benefit and the well-being of those with whom you work.

Scope of Use of Content The content in this professional training consists of proprietary content, published, copyrighted, trademarked material, images and concepts from myself, other scientists, publishers, and authors. It is my intention to properly source and cite each reference.

As a course attendee, you have consent to educate and inform your colleagues, patients and students using the materials provided. You may not publish the content, put it online, or share it in any form without the original citations. Some of the videos that you will see were filmed for training and cannot be shared. Your respectful use of this work is appreciated. If you ever wonder about consent for use let me know, I will be honored to speak with you, lynne@lynnekenney.com.

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OBJECTIVES: Cognitive Skill Coaching Learn

Learn about the critical relationship between executive function skills and academic achievement.

Explore

Explore the research regarding co-existing diagnoses including dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, ADHD, and ASD from a data-based perspective.

Improve

Improve how children learn by teaching them how their brains work.

Learn

Learn how to teach children to improve their self-coaching skills with research-based activities to improve attention, memory, planning, organization, time management, cognitive flexibility & self-regulation.

Learn

Learn how to use narrative, declarative, and imperative language with students to support cognitive skill development.

Learn

Learn how to have the “cognitive conversation” about executive function skills including self-control, attention, memory, and cognitive flexibility with your students.

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OBJECTIVES: Cognitive-Motor Skill

OBJECTIVES – Development Cognitive-Motor Movement Practice the CogniSuite™ cognitive-motor activities to alert the brain and engage Practice executive function skills.

Learn

Learn the importance of Tempo, Rhythm and Timing in strengthening cognition and self-regulation.

Learn

Learn how to build intentional motor sequences.

Learn

Learn the importance of beat competency.

Learn

Learn how to co-create with your students.

Practice

Practice sequence development with varying levels of difficulty.

Teach

Teach children the “felt-sense of slowing down” with Cognitivities™.

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Let’s Begin with Weight Shift, Posture and Core Strength 8

The Ready Position Song

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10/16/24

Cognitive-Motor Warm-Up

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The Morning Program 11

The Importance of Executive Function 12

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Executive Function Predicts Achievement For many students, Executive Function Skills and Self-Regulation are more powerful predictors of reading and math achievement than IQ or Socio-Economic Status.

Empirical research demonstrates that the development of executive functions during childhood plays a central role in school readiness, academic achievement, social-emotional development, and life-long success.

See Mulder, et al. 2017; Blair and Razza, 2007; Bull et al., 2008; Clark et al., 2010; Geary et al., 2012; Cortés Pascual et al., 2019; McClelland et al., 2021.

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Executive Function is Central to Immediate & Life-Long Success •Increased school readiness •Better performance in reading and math •More stable relationships •Less risk-taking behavior

•Better job performance •Better productivity •Better physical health •Higher graduation rates •Higher income

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What is Executive Function?

Executive Function is a collection of self-regulatory control processes that are divided into core domains of working memory, inhibition, control of attention, and cognitive flexibility. Healthy executive functioning helps us to be adaptive prosocial human beings.

Executive Function includes metacognitive and functional abilities that increase awareness and conscious control of our thoughts, feelings and actions.

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What are Executive Function Skills?

Executive function skills are essential for planning, executing, and monitoring goaldirected behavior, and are therefore central to problem-solving and lear ning.

EF is associated with core academic achievement in reading, math, science, and social studies for typically developing children as well as those with special needs.

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Working Memory: the ability to hold infor mation in mind for recall and application Cognitive Flexibility: the ability to think about something in multiple ways, flexibly shift the focus of one’s attention, and generate multiple solutions to a problem Inhibitory Control: the ability to inhibit fast and unthinking responses to stimulation

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In Motor-Cognition a Musical Note Indicates Duration of a Movement on a Beat What Does a Whole Note Look/Sound Like? (Duration) What Does a Half Note Look/Sound Like?

What Does a Quarter Note Look/Sound Like?

What Does an Eighth Note Look/Sound Like?

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Classroom Impact – Academics & Behavior • Self-Regulation supports im pulse management and cognitive control strategies.

• Attention facilitates attending to s a lie n t d e ta ils and ignoring irrelevant stimuli or distractions.

• Patterning and sequencing underlie r e a d i n g f l u e n c y a n d n u m e r a c y.

• Working M emory aids children in holding information long enough to turn salient information into knowledge.

• C o g n i t i v e F l e x i b i l i t y s u p p o r t s a c h i l d ’s ability to adapt to changes in expectations, rules, or priorities.

• Executive Function Skills support coordinating specific reading processes including decoding, encoding, retrieving inform ation, supporting m e n t a l i m a g e r y, a n d s i m u l t a n e o u s l y coordinating reading processes.

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Classroom Impact Motor Skills

• B alance, Posture and W eight Shift lead to cognitive and m otor fluidity a n d e fficie n cy in th e cla ssro o m .

• C o re and Sho uld er Streng th support p o stu re re late d tasks su ch as w ritin g , d raw in g , re ad in g , u sin g m anipulatives, and com pleting worksheets.

• M o t o r Te m p o , R h y t h m a n d T i m i n g su p p o rt ap p ro ach to tasks, o r g a n i z a t i o n , a t t e n t i o n , m e m o r y, a n d r e a d i n g p r o s o d y.

• Ve stib u la r stre n g th facilitates atte n tio n , visu al trackin g , aw are n e ss in space, and body m anagem ent.

• G ra p h o m o to r skills support cognitive output.

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Fitness & Standardized Testing: Physically fit children demonstrate greater attentional resources, have faster cognitive processing speed, and perform better on standardized academic tests. Source: Educating the student body.

Fitness, Cognition & Achievement

Fitness & Executive Function: A growing body of research in children and adults indicates that higher levels of fitness are associated with better control of attention, memory, and cognition (Colcombe and Kramer, 2003; Hillman et al., 2008; Chang and Etnier, 2009).

Fitness & Cognitive Efficiency: The cognitive efficiency seen in higherfit children, is a predictor of arithmetic and reading aptitude independently of IQ and school grade (Hillman et al., 2012).

Fitness & Mental Health: Fitness is also associated with less depression and anxiety, (Kandola et al., 2019).

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The Ready to Learn Brain: Developmental Precursors to Learning

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Before the 1990’s Balancing on rocks, train tracks and trees Creating and running obstacle courses Hours of digging building and tunneling Hours of imaginary play Jumping into lakes Jumping off swings Jumping rope Playing on the floor Playing in nature Playing independently outdoors Playing hand games Singing rhyming songs Swinging on a rope Swing upside down from trees Taking physical risks

Late 1990’s - 2024

Fewer family meals

Less free time

Less opportunities for sensory activities

Less opportunities for vestibular activities

Less physical movement

Less time outdoors

Less unstructured time with family

More isolation with digital devices

More sitting

More structured and scheduled play

Screen time further rose during the pandemic and has remained high

On average, children ages 812 in the United States spend 4-6 hours a day watching or using screens, and teens spend up to 9 hours, AACAP, 2024

Sources: Pew, 2018; CHILDWISE, Connected Kids 2015; Souza, 2017; Common Sense Media, 2020; Nakshine et al., 2022

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Predictors Early Years Success Early Academic Building Blocks and Executive Function are particularly predictive of later success

• Highly predictive language precursors include vocabulary, phonological awareness, and letter knowledge (Overdeck Family Foundation).

• Early academic skills include basic literacy (e.g., being able to recognize letters, phonemic awareness) and numeracy (e.g., knowledge of numbers and understanding the order of numbers) abilities that position a child to learn from formal instruction (Duncan et al., 2007).

• Learning-enhancing behaviors include attending to classroom activities, following classroom rules, working cooperatively in groups, and persisting at academic tasks, Rabiner et al., 2016 p. 250.

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Fundamental Motor Skill Deficiencies •

77% of p reschool-ag e A m erican child ren were considered at-risk for developm ental

delay (scored at or below the 25th percentile), Brian et al., 2019.

•

Rainer and Jarvis 2020, showed that the overall FM S proficiency levels of Welsh children aged 10 to 11 years were low, with fewer than 10% of both boys and girls dem onstrating com plete m astery in any of the FM S.

•

O ’Brien et al. 2016, found that overall skill perform ance am ong Ireland adolescents aged 12 and 13 is low, highlighting the fact that alm ost 90% of stud ents d id not achieve m astery level in locom otor skills (e.g., running, skipping, jum ping) or that only 11% of students in their study displayed advanced FM S proficiency.

•

The FM S proficiency of Australian children aged 9–15 was also identified as low by the authors of a 13-yr report of m otor com petence, highlighting the fact that vertical jum p perform ance significantly decreased from previous assessm ents Hardy et al., 2013.

•

Considering the low levels of FM S globally, it seem s that m ore awareness-raising activities am ong policym akers, teachers and parents are needed, M akaruk et al., 2023.

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• The cognitive load theory posits that children possessing robust motor skills within the classroom environment are not compelled to allocate attentional focus, resources, or energetic exertion toward behavioral endeavors.

• Children endowed with robust attentional stability, self-regulation, and operational memory may engage effortlessly in novel and intricate educational tasks.

• These explanations emphasize the significance of examining the link between motor skills and academic achievement, as well as determining whether this association is limited to specific types of skills, (Wang & Wang, 2024).

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LET’S FIND THE BEAT

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Foundational Lessons

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Don’t Forget to Pause

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REVIEW: Simple Ways to Assess Beat Competency • Can Everybody Count?

• Can Everybody Clap?

• Can Everybody Pause?

• 1 2 3 Something

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123 Something

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The Learning Brain Source: https://www.hydrocephalusscotland.org.uk/content/cognition/

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Cerebellum The cerebellum is the powerhouse of the connections between the cognitive and m otor system s.

The cerebellum only accounts for about 10 percent of your brain’s total size. Yet is contains up to 80% of the brain cells in your brain.

The cerebellum is involved in the m ajor brain structures that process language, m otor and cognitive skills. In fact, the cerebellum is connected to every area of the cortex except the parts of the occipital lobe where low-level visual processing occurs.

The cerebellum is responsible for balance, coordinating m otor m ovem ents, visual control, language processing, and cognition.

The cerebellum determ ines verbal fluency (both sem antic and form al) expressive and receptive gram m ar processing, the ability to identify and correct language m istakes, and writing skills, Starowicz-Filip et al. 2017.

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Source: https://www.the-scientist.com/features/the-multitasking-cerebellum-roles-in-cognition-emotion-and-more-70349

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Executive Function Assessment & Data Integration 58

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Executive Function impairments are observed in neurodevelopmental disorders, such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Specific Language Impairment (SLI), developmental coordination disorder, and dyslexia. When we improve executive function skills in children with learning, attention, and developmental challenges we improve their lifelong success.

See: Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 2011; Blair & Razza, 2007; Benson et al, 2013; Diamond & Ling, 2016; Masten, et al.

2012; Obradovic, 2010 (as cited in Zelazo, et al. 2016); Scionti, et al. 2019.

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Executive Function Deficits Exist Across Diagnoses • Executive function is a broad group of mental skills that enable people to complete goal-directed tasks and interact in a socially appropriate manner with others.

• An executive function disorder can impair a person's ability to organize themselves and properly manage their own behavior.

However, executive function disorder is not a specific standalone diagnosis or condition in the DSM-V. • Executive Function Deficit ICD 10 R41.844 executive function dysfunction or executive function deficit is a disruption to the efficacy of executive functions which is a group of cognitive processes that regulate, control and manage other cognitive processes.

Source: Medial News Today

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Co-Existing Conditions M ore than 80% of the population diagnosed with ADHD has a com orbid condition, Lino & Chieffo, 2022.

Patients with ADHD often have difficulties in coordination and m otor program m ing just as children with DCD show greater im pulsivity and difficulties in inhibitory control, Lino & Chieffo, 2022.

Nigg et al., 2005 observed that alm ost 80% of children with ADHD exhibited a deficit in at least one EF, while this only occurred in 50% of children with typical developm ent (TD).

50% to 80% of children with ADHD or Dyslexia have co-existing diagnoses with 25% 40% m eeting criteria for both ADHD and Dyslexia, Boada et al., 2012.

Developm ental coordination while existing in 5-6% of the population exists at substantially higher rates 50% -80% in children with ASD, ADHD and Dyslexia.

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Skills To Consider Assessing

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Developmental Domains Precede Learning 90th

50th

25th

Sensory-Motor

Language

Cognition

Social-Relational

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Flanker

Source: NIH Toolbox

Source: Neurocognitive Mechanisms of Attention, 2021

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EF Go Pro

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Let’s Try Some Cognitive Tasks

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Here are links to the cognitive task videos Creyos https://www.youtube.com/@trycreyos BART https://www.brainturk.com/bart Flanker https://youtu.be/x2NvYsswIto NIH Task Descriptions https://www.nihtoolbox.org/domain/cognition/ Stop Signal Task https://youtu.be/LMCHacP3eXI STROOP https://youtu.be/EGpzftQf8oI

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Let’s Experience Attention & Memory Skills 76

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Relationships Between Language, Motor & Cognition 80

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Let’s Try a Rapid Naming Task with Movement 84

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The Afternoon Program 89

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Combining Cognitive Skill Coaching with Cognitive Motor Movement 99

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Let’s Experience SelfRegulation, Attention, Memory, & Response Inhibition

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THE COGNITIVE CONVERSATION ATTENTION 114

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• • • • • • •

Alerting - Moving to a state of cognitive readiness.

Selecting - Moving one’s attention and focus to a specific target stimulus.

Attending - Directing meaningful energy and attention to a specific target stimulus.

Sustaining - Maintaining attention on a specific target stimulus, long enough to take action on it.

Monitoring Drift - Observing the mind becoming off-task.

Re-alerting - Bringing attention back online.

Re-Selecting - Shifting attention from one stimulus to another with purpose or intent.

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§ What is attention? § What makes it easy to pay attention? § What makes it difficult to pay attention? § What are the parts of the attention cycle? § How do you turn on your attention engine? § What helps your attention engine run smoothly? § What does it mean to be alert? § When does your attention need a break? § What makes your brain drift? § When you drift where do you go? § What distracts you? § What helps you remain focused? § What do you tell yourself when you brain needs a break? § How long do you think a brain breather should last? § How do you re-alert your attention? § What do you say to yourself to re-alert your attention? § Are there ways we, as a class, can help one another remain alert?

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THE COGNITIVE CONVERSATION MEMORY 121

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G Y P P R

•MNEMONIC •VISUALIZATION •VERBAL REHEARSAL

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Two Person One Bag • 1. Practice Form and Posture • 2. Two Person One Bag 8 Count Switch • “AND” is the Pause to Prepare Position • 3. Define Across Over Diagonal • 4. Pass & Pause • 5. 1-2 Behind the back, over, 5-6 behind the back person B • 6. Combine forward square and behind the back • 7. Add heels forward • 8. Add marching

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Across

Over

Diagonal

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COGNiBAGS

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DIMINISH THE STRESS RESPONSE with LANGUAGE 141

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Front Load to Increase Mastery & Reduce Anxiety Front Loading is a previewing strategy that provides children with information, expectations, or skills before they encounter the upcoming situation, task, or learning experience.

1.Enhances U nd erstand ing : By introducing concepts or expectations in advance, children

have the opportunity to process and understand inform ation at their own pace, reducing anxiety and increasing com prehension.

2.Prom otes C onfid ence and Ind ep end ence : W hen children know what to expect and how to approach a situation, they're m ore likely to feel confident and act independently, creating a sense of achievem ent and self-efficacy.

3.Facilitates Sm ooth Transitions : Front Loading can be particularly beneficial in helping children prepare for transitions, such as m oving between activities or adjusting to new routines, which can often be sources of stress.

4.Sup p orts B ehavioral M anag em ent : By setting clear expectations in advance, Front Loading helps children understand the expected behaviors, reducing the likelihood of behavioral issues and enhancing the overall learning environm ent.

Source: Playright.com Occupational Therapy Clinic

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Visual Stimuli for Better Self-Regulation, Attention, Memory 148

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COGNiTAP

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A systematic review of the research suggests that short bursts of fine and gross motor coordinated bilateral physical activity may improve attention, processing speed, and focus, van der Fels et al. 2015.

In a systematic review of research studies on the impact of physical activity on attention, deSousa et al. 2018 observed that continuous exercises that required greater cognitive involvement like activities with coordination and balance were related to a better performance during attention-demanding tasks than continuous exercises with fewer or no cognitive challenges (Budde et al., 2008; Palmer et al., 2013).

Bonacina et al. 2019 reported the use of clapping in time training as a way to possibly affect a broad spectrum of rhythmic abilities that are linked to language and literacy processes.

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THE COGNITIVE CONVERSATION SELF-REGULATION 164

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Self-regulated learners are more engaged in the learning process and demonstrate better academic performance. They exhibit increased focus, attention, and persistence in completing tasks, Wang, 2021. Selfregulation skills are positively correlated with improved reading and math achievement, as well as higher grades in various academic subjects, Zimmerman & Schunk, 2011.

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• In practice, self-regulation can be seen as one’s ability to manage their physiological state to maintain balanced internal energy, appropriate motor tempo, and modulated rate of verbalizations.

• When self-regulated, children use their cognition to keep themselves calm, emotionally even, and able to effectively respond to expectations and task demands in the moment.

• Educators who teach learners self-regulation are more successful at fostering educational success, engagement, and continuous learning, Brenner, 2022.

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Self-Regulation and Response Inhibition are about Learning the “Felt-Sense” Tempo of Slowing Down

Slow 50-85 BPM Quick 85-120 BPM Fast 120-160 BPM

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TIGER UNICORN WATERMELON

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THINK-UPS

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© 2023 Fit and Fun Playscapes, LLC. All rights reserved. You are expressly not permitted to copy any of the text or images on this product without permission from Fit and Fun Playscapes, LLC.

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© 2023 Fit and Fun Playscapes, LLC. All rights reserved. You are expressly not permitted to copy any of the text or images on this product without permission from Fit and Fun Playscapes, LLC.

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Creating Your Own Cognitive Skill Coaching & Physical Activity Combinations

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ART THERAPY FOR KIDS AND TEENS Presented by

Pamela Hayes Malkoff

An artist can color the sky red, because they know it is blue. Those of us who are not artist, must color things as they really are, or people might think we are stupid.

-Jules Fieffer, Cartoonist, Phantom Toolbooth

Board Certified Art Therapist Licensed Marriage Family Therapist - CA Licensed Professional Counselor -GA Licensed Mental Health Counselor - RI

HayesArtTherapy.com HayesArtTherapy@gmail.com

Understanding t h e Art Materials

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

1. Each person relates differently to different materials 2. Allow them to explore 3. Some materials allow for more control 4. Some materials force you to let go of control 5. Force them out of their comfort zone 6. May bring up memories 7. Help to create rituals*

Fear and Anxiety stored in the Amygdala Eric Kandel, "In Search of Memory"

Containment of overwhelming feeling Gives a voice where it is too scary to speak

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Provides another language to tell their story Can project feelings outside of themselves Can be more objective and safe Containment of overwhelming feeling Gives a voice where it is too scary to speak Learn to tolerate frustration Try new things/ experiences

We all begin with the same starting points We all are given the same directives We all hear and interpret things differently Things may get miscommunicated Things may get misunderstood When expectations are too high we may be disappointed Opportunity to think creatively Observe how others interpret the world, without judgement

W h e n it c o m e s t o y o u r children, W h a t a r e you m o s t c o n c e r n e d about?

Behaviors Health Relationships Grades

❖ Instability ❖ Divorce, a d o p t i o n , s e p a r a t i o n o r c h a n g e of caregivers ❖ Moving ❖ Unclear e x p e c t a t i o n s ❖ Premature or late development ❖ N e u r o d e v e l o p m e n t a l Disorders ❖ Disability ❖ Financial Difficulties ❖ Caregivers’ m e n t a l illness, drug/alcohol dependence ❖ Minority p o p u l a t i o n ❖ First Generation ❖ C h a n g e s i n religious affiliations ❖ Life t r a n s i t i o n s

Flight Tight jaw or grinding of the teeth Urge to punch someone or something Feeling intense anger or killing someone, even yourself Desire to stomp or kick Crying Glaring at people, conserving angrily Upset stomach, feels like knots or burning

Excessively exercising Feeling fidgety or tense or trapped Constantly moving legs, feet, and arms Restless body that will not stop moving Sensation of numbness in extremities Dilated eyes, darting eyes

Attacking the source of the danger

Fawn Freeze Fight

Flight

Freeze

Fawn Pale skin Sense of dread

The stress response occurs when the demands of the environment are greater than our perceived ability to cope with them

Feeling stiff, heavy, cold, numb Loud, pounding heart Decreasing in heart rate Sensing tolerated stress

the only hope of survival would probably be agreement and helpfulness You are more concerned with making them happy than taking care of yourself Fear of Rejection..

Has the potential to negatively impact all aspects of life, including social relationships, academic performance, emotional wellbeing, and future work

Social Anxiety

opportunities

Academic Anxiety

1. Social Media Binging can lead to lower self-esteem and fatigue

Testing Anxiety

2. Social Change 3. Constant notifications, comparisons to others, pictures of events they weren’t invited to, pressure to get comments and “likes” 4. Warning signs: avoiding school, avoiding eye contact, overly critical, fidgety. mumbling, etc.

5. Parents support - empathetic support, structure, reassurance, and boundaries

Academic anxiety refers to the feelings of worry, tension, or dread that are associated with academic settings or tasks.

Shortness of breath Heaviness in their body/muscle fatigue Dry m o u t h Clammy hands

1.

The Generation of Testers

2.

Students are overwhelmed by the pressures to succeed

3.

What are the Signs? Anxious students may express their fears by: a. crying or throwing tantrums, seek constant approval or reassurance from

4.

“In the Pew survey of teens, academic pressure tops their list of stressors: 61 percent

others, headaches, stomachaches, racing heartbeat, or difficulty breathing. say they face a lot of pressure to get good grades.”

5.

SINCE COVID - 19 shown an increase in general anxiety in children under 17

And more!

Case study: Phoebe 9 Years Old You cannot put your seatbelt on in the middle of a car accident

Mother died from drug overdose History Of Physical And Sexual Abuse Living in a Residential Group Home (No father involved)

1.

Deep b r e a t h i n g exercises: Bubble Breaths

2.

The p o w e r of positive s e lf- t a l k & Affirmations: “ I c a n d o h a r d things!”

3.

Healthy Nutrition & Sleep Schedule

4.

Activity focusing o n bodily regulation - - yoga is a g r e a t place t o s t a r t , look i n t o Somatic practices.

5.

U n d e r s t a n d , d o n ’ t invalidate.

6.

Positive Interactions

7.

Play!

8.

Take t h e p r e s s u r e off!

9.

C o - Regulation Rituals: family d i n n e r s , t e a time,

10.

P a r e n t Groups/Sessions

11.

F a m i l y / P a r e n t Meetings

12.

Modeling self-c a r e , b o u n d a r i e s , assertive c o m m u n i c a t i o n a n d self-efficacy

13.

Provide Safe Spaces

14.

Tools t o use: a.

Fidgets

b.

Therapy :)

c.

Normalize asking for s u p p o r t a n d recognizing “ a n x i e t y tics”

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

Don’t try t o eliminate their anxiety Don’t avoid t h i n g s just because they m a k e your child anxious Express positive - but realistic - expectations Respect their feelings, but don’t e m pow e r t h e m Don’t ask leading questions Don’t reinforce your child’s fear Be encouraging Keep the anticipatory period short Think t h i n g s through together Model healthy ways o f handling anxiety

Draw w h a t s c a r e s you Draw w h a t m a k e s you feel brave

● ● ● ● ● ● ●

DO Limit n e w s a n d i m a g e s Be h o n e s t But r e a s s u r i n g Say “ I t will be OK” Validate t h e i r feelings Talk a b o u t anxiety Talk a b o u t o t h e r feelings Seek p r o f e s s i o n a l help, if needed

DON’T ● Avoid t h e scary t h i n g s ● M i ni m i ze t h e i r feelings ● Excessively discuss y o u r o w n fears

Case study: Rebecca 8 years old:

Safe Place drawing 1. W h a t c a n you see?

2. W h a t c a n you hear?

1. W h a t feelings d o you h a v e a b o u t (given situation)?

3. W h a t c a n you smell?

1. W h a t color is t h a t feeling?

4.

1. W h a t s h a p e is it?

W h a t c a n you taste?

5. W h a t c a n you feel?

1. Where i n y o u r b o d y d o y o u feel it?

1. Does it m o v e a r o u n d o r s t a y in o n e place?

1. Does t h a t feeling m a k e you do a n y t h i n g ?

1.

2.

3.

5.

4.

Draw a H e a r t Tu r n t h e p a p e r over t o back List 5 - 7 feeling Choose a color for e a c h feeling Flip p a p e r back over t o t h e h e a r t Draw h o w m u c h of e a c h feeling y o u h a v e r i g h t n o w

1. Draw t h e Yucky

1.

Deep b r e a t h i n g exercises

1. Draw t h e o p p o s i t e of t h e Yucky

2.

T h e p o w e r of positive s e l f - t a l k & affirmations

3.

Healthy n u t r i t i o n & sleep a n d daily schedule

4.

Activity focusing o n bodily regulation

1. I m a g i n e t h a t s o m e t h i n g m a g i c a l could c o m e a l o n g a n d c h a n g e t h e fi r s t d r a w i n g i n t o t h e s e c o n d drawi ng . W h a t w o u l d y o u r m a g i c look like?

a.

Yoga

b.

Somatic practices

5.

Listen, d o n ’t invalidate.

6.

FOSTER RESILIENCE

S t a r t early Be c o n s i s t e n t M a k e it p a r t of y o u r routine

Let t h e m Fail Self Regulation Self Care Service t o Others Ask for Help Act C o n fi d e n t

●

Positive physical d e v e l o p m e n t

●

Academic a c h i e v e m e n t / i n t e l l e c t u a l development

● ●

Good coping skills a n d p r o b l e m - s o l v i n g skills E n g a g e m e n t a n d c o n n e c t i o n s in t w o o r m o r e

1.

of t h e following co nte xts: school, w i t h p e e r s , in

2.

athletics, e m p l o y m e n t , religion, culture ●

High s e lf - e s t e e m

●

Clear a n d stable expectations

●

Self Efficacy

●

E m o t io n a l self-r e g u l a t i o n

Stick Person Drawing

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

Holding s o m e t h i n g Standing on something We a r i n g s o m e t h i n g S o m e t h i n g beside Dropping something We a r i n g s o m e t h i n g else S o m e t h i n g above Anything else

To Reduce Tantrum Frequency Practice P r e v e n t i o n

Case Study: Kenji 11 years old Oppositional Lying Stealing Acting o u t

Reduce F r u s t r a t i o n Don’t give in t o D e m a n d s

M o t h e r died of cancer w h e n h e w a s 5 - living in Japan

Stay Calm

Moved in w i t h m a t e r n a l a u n t , a n d s h e dies of c a n c e r w h e n h e w a s 7yo

H u m o r a n d / o r Distraction Don’t t a k e it Personally

Moved t o US t o live w i t h m a t e r n a l Uncle a n d Aunt

Differentiate Model between appropriate Establish feelings a n d anger a n g e r r u les behaviors management

Be consistent

Teach healthy c o p i n g skills

Consequences when necessary

3.

4.

5.

6.

Draw y o u r yucky feeling Use colors, s h a p e s , lines …..

C r u m p l e it u p Open it - Say s o m e t h i n g t o it Rip a n d t e a r it u p T h r o w half away

7.

Write t h e o p p o s i t e feeling o n t h e colored p a p e r -

8.

9.

10.

t e a r i n t o 3 equal p a r t s Give a w a y y o u r o p p o s i t e feelings Take a w a y s o m e o n e else’s yucky Collage t h e p a r t s back t o g e t h e r

1.

2.

Help c h i l d r e n t o b e i n c o n t r o l Play “Freeze!Focus!”

M a k e M e m o r y Musical M a k e t h e Day a Story

Watercolor P a i n t s , blow w i t h s t r a w s Control B r e a t h e Be i n t e n t i o n a l Have f u n

P u zz l e s a n d Play L e a r n t o delay g r a t i fi c a t i o n - “ m a k e f u t u r e m e h a p p y ”

● ● ● ● ● ●

F r e q u e n t worrying Trouble c o n c e n t r a t i n g Skipping activities t h e y u s e d t o enjoy Difficulty w i t h sleep Clinging t o caregivers E x t r e m e focus o n safety a n d h e a l t h

●

Irritability o r e d g i n e s s

● ●

Shutting down Repetitive behaviors

1.

N a m e t h e i r feelings

1.

Talk a b o u t t h e feeling

1.

Identify w h e r e i n t h e b o d y t h o s e feelings m a n i f e s t a n d live

1.

Recognize t h e c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n t h o u g h t s a n d feelings

1.

L e a r n t o s e p a r a t e t h o u g h t s , feelings a n d behaviors

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

F r e q u e n t worrying Trouble c o n c e n t r a t i n g Skipping activities t h e y u s e d t o enjoy Difficulty w i t h sleep Clinging t o caregivers E x t r e m e focus o n safety a n d h e a l t h Irritability o r e d g i n e s s Shutting down Repetitive behaviors

● ● ● ● ●

Delayed Gratification Self R e s t r a i n t Tr u s t i n g t h e Process E n c o u r a g e s Creativity I n c r e a s e d Self-E s t e e m

“ Ar t, like m o r a l i t y, c o n s i s t s of d r a w i n g a line s o m e w h e r e ”

Worried & Distressed Dealing with Anxiety Disorders in School Age Children

Dr. Caroline Buzanko, R. Psychologist www.drcarolinebuzanko.com info@korupsychology.ca

Anxiety is the most common mental health problem in kids K-12… & the leading reason for children’s emergency room visits and hospitalizations

2

Untreated anxiety is the leading predictor of depression in teens & young adults

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70% of all mental health problems begin in childhood and adolescence

Anxiety has tripled since COVID

Anxiety Impairs Daily Functioning • Sleep!!!

• Academics • Social interactions • Happiness and outlook • Family relationships • Doing things/going places • Nutrition • Self-care • Independence 5

ADULTS to Understand

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What is anxiety?

7

Run!

Fear and worries are here to stay • Normal, protective feeling • Necessary for survival • Its ok!

• Temporary in the moment • Not dangerous • Not to be eliminated or avoided • Can help motivate & energize us 9

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The brain was built to protect us…

However, while society has changed so much even in the past two decades, our brain has not changed in hundreds of thousands of years…

10

Society is now created in a way that makes that brain meant to protect us to actually harm us

11

Worries to be expected Developmentally appropriate fears • Survival: separation, danger

Life transitions • New school or job, new relationships, teenage years, transition to adulthood

Stressful experiences • New or unfamiliar situations 12

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Worries to be expected Infant/ Toddlers

• Separation • Novelty • Loud noises • Shyness, fear of strangers • Santa

Preschool

Early Childhood

• Animals, dark, thunder, fire • Nightmares • Monsters & shadows • Novelty

• Fear of death or ghosts • Separation • Dark • Getting lost • Thunder

Elementary

• Changes • Performance • Getting sick or hurt • Animals, monsters, ghosts • Natural disasters

PreAdolescence

• Home alone • Family or pets • Rejection • Mortality, health

Adolescence

• Social • What others think • Family getting sick • School performance • World events • After high school!!!!

Normal Worries

TEMPORARY

DO NOT INTERFERE WITH FUNCTIONING

STILL SUCCESSFUL IN ACHIEVING GOALS

14

BEGINNING

MIDDLE

END 15

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16

Common Vulnerabilities Among all Emotional Challenges

High levels of negative affect Tend to view their emotional experiences as negative Aversive reactions that lead to efforts to avoid and suppress them.

17

What’s going on for Suzie?

(What can’t she handle?)

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Common Vulnerabilities Among all Emotional Challenges

High levels of negative affect Tend to view their emotional experiences as negative Aversive reactions that lead to efforts to avoid and suppress them.

19

High levels of negative affect • Constant worries impairing daily functioning • Frequent panic attacks

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Views emotional experiences as negative • Why can’t I be like everyone else?

• I am deficient • Worries and panic are awful When they evaluate the emotion: Snowball effect – the more she thinks about everything, the more panic symptoms intensify

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Aversive reactions that lead to efforts to avoid and suppress them.

• Reassurance seeking • Avoidance

22

Different parts of the brain that activates worries need different strategies

Amygdala Pathway: Physiological

• Oldest, quickest, strongest • Talking will escalate the problem 24

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Amygdala Based Memories: Emotional Memories • Out of awareness • Remembered very differently from conscious memories

25

Might not have no clue why

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Cortex Pathway: Thinking

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Ruminate Talk to self Try to problem solve

Visual images Imaginative worries

The brain cannot tell the difference between what it actually sees and what it imagines

29

Expecting something bad to happen Kids continue to worry themselves with their own thoughts

30

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Anxiety-Based Schemas The world is a scary place and I am vulnerable

Everyone is predisposed to anxiety.

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Anxiety is all in how we respond • Based on how we perceive the demands of the situation.

• Anxiety makes the demands feel way bigger than what they believe they can manage.

34

Social disconnection and loneliness Local and world news

Current State of the world

Social media

Far more:

Identity and body Issues

Worthlessness

• Depression • Self-harm • Suicide

Multiple pressures and high expectations

Helplessness

Major Psychological Risk Factor

Loneliness Poor School performance

Screen time

Self-esteem

• Impairs resilience • Contributes to everything we worry about as parents

Depression

Disordered eating

Withdrawal

Anxiety

Suicidal planning Suicidal ideation

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Self-esteem False messages to avoid rejection • So happy!

• So beautiful!

“Likes” worsens self-esteem • Others won’t like the “real” them.

Massive-Scale Emotional contagion We begin to experience the same emotions as others without our awareness • Long-lasting moods (e.g., depression) can be transferred through social networks

Disrupts connections.

Especially family connections.

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Disrupted Attachment

Family is the most important relationship overall development.

Important for discovering: • Self • Values • Personality • World

Bullying doesn’t happen privately anymore  

        





  

Sending unsolicited and/or threatening e-mail.

Encouraging others to send e-mail or to overwhelm the victim Posting/spreading rumours.

Making defamatory comments online Sending negative messages Sexual remarks Posting the victim’s personal information Hate speech Impersonating the victim online Harassing the victim Leaving abusive messages online, including social media sites Sending the victim pornography or other graphic material that is knowingly offensive Creating online content that depicts the victim in negative ways Trolling Cyberstalking Hate raids

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Violent Images

HIGH LEVELS OF DISTRESS

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DISORIENTATION

FAULTY INFORMATIONPROCESSING

14

• Weaken kids’ ability to manage emotions

Exposure

• Contributes to anxiety

Frontal Lobes

Poor self-regulation because resources used up • Poor emotion regulation • Increased emotional reactivity • Proactive aggression • Anti-social behaviours

Maturity

Capacity to focus & self-regulate diminishes Emotion Regulation and Impulse Control

Stunted growth of cognitive skills

Exert control over the amygdala and emotional responses

Immature brain & delay in maturity

Critical for focus, regulating behaviour, and decision-making:

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Technostress • Hard to detach = chronic stress • Don’t receive an immediate reply to a text = anxiety and isolation • Technology-related anxiety (e.g., pressure to respond immediately) • Shame & stigma if not connected • Validation through social media

46

Digital Immigrants vs.

Digital Natives • Hard to detach = chronic stress • Shame & stigma If not connected • No issue big enough to risk being disconnected

Anxiety Intervention is about…

Breaking the cycle that fuels anxiety

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Kids learn anxious behaviours from adults in their lives 49

Overly self-critical models

50

Overly Critical, Impatient, or Hostile People

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Over-Nagging and Unrealistic Demands • We place more demands on children than adults • Constant correction and nagging can erode relationships and discourage autonomy • Would we treat our coworkers or friends the same way?

Unhelpful Interactions can Create Loneliness • Adding stress • Failing to meet their needs • Unwittingly responding in punishing ways, even when trying to be supportive

Talking too much or asking lots of questions

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Unsolicited Support vs.

Perceived Support • Swooping in can: • Undermine the equity in the relationship • Create a sense of obligation • Independence and self-esteem threatened • Feel invalidating • Seem unsympathetic • Shut down communication

Medications 57

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Enabling Accommodations

Accommodation Behaviours Participation

• Assist in checking behaviours • Assist in avoidance • Reassure

Modification

• Prevent anxiety provoking situations 60

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Accommodation Accommodation

Accommodations worsens anxiety long-term

Accommodation

Anxiety more impairing and severe with poorer treatment outcomes 61

Accommodations are reactive. They take away kids’ ability to self-soothe and problem solve.

Avoid anxiety situations Adjusting routines Allow them to be excused; slow-re-entry Distract them or stop thoughts Alternative place for lunch Fixed schedules and transition warning Stress balls Minimize anxious feelings Breaks/office visits

62

Get stuck in constant need for reassurance

Reassurance

No skills developed Minimizing 63

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Brain in high stress state = amygdala kicks in and becomes a stop sign for information and any rational thinking

64

Anxiety…

• Wants certainty • Wants predictability • Wants comfort

Avoid traps • Others jumping in to help or continuously avoiding : • Changes brain & ingrains anxiety • Makes individuals even more vulnerable: Confidence and resilience stunted • No opportunities to experience success managing emotions and situations • No opportunities to learn (e.g., that anxiety is not dangerous)

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Physically

AnxietyDriven, Maladaptive Response

Cognitively

Behaviourally 67

Maladaptive coping strategies Anything to avoid or reduce emotions develop and maintain challenges

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Accommodations & Maladaptive Coping Strategies Become Safety Behaviours!

(Used to attempt to minimize or prevent something bad from happening)

AVOIDANCE

EXCESSIVE CHECKING

RITUALS

SEEKING REASSURANCE

SAFETY AIDS

69

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Others

Breaking the Cycle: Everything that Maintains Anxiety

Negative thought patterns Inability to manage emotions effectively

Maladaptive Coping

70

May as well figure out how to navigate them

71

Remember: How we respond to emotional experiences develop and maintain challenges.

Thus, the goal is to: • Change responses to emotional experiences • Create new pathways in the brain – new learning and memories • Target the problematic emotion regulation strategies people use

NOT to eliminate or reduce the intensity of emotional experiences – Impossible!

72

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The # 1 thing they need to learn?

73

How to effectively experience anxiety (with less distress and avoidance) 74

Mindful emotion awareness Increasing awareness and tolerance of physical sensations

Core skills

Challenging automatic thoughts and increasing cognitive flexibility.

Identifying and modifying problematic emotional behaviours.

Integration of above skills through emotion exposure to master adaptive responses

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Connect

Adult perceptions

Worries & Stress are contagious

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Good Role Models: No one is immune • Empowering • Promotes bravery, confidence, & resilience

Good Role Models • Being scared & doing it anyway • Display vulnerability & cope out loud • Model effective coping • Seek and receive help • Recognize own unhelpful thoughts and behaviours

Buy-in & Tolerance • Education (especially outcomes of traps) • Awareness of traps • Pros & cons of traps • Values • Desired outcomes

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27

Reassuring Suzie in the morning Pros

Cons

82

Expectations

Self-fulfilling prophecy

83

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Emotion Coach

Use mirror neurons Brain can’t tell the difference

86

We show confidence = They FEEL confidence

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Emotion coach Coaches avoid traps: • Reassuring • Answering questions • Reviewing the schedule excessively • Answering every phone call or text message • Checking

Emotion coach Coaches • Validate • Show confidence with open-ended questions.

• What are you going to do?

• How are you going to figure that out?

Coaching Cues • Show confidence: They can figure it out • Collaborate ideas re: how they can figure it out • Help them make predictions • Focus on learning • How did you do?

• What went well?

• What did you learn?

• What will you do differently next time?

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Confident

Supportive

Effective Response

Talking will only escalate the problem 92

Give space for regulation

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Effective Communication Tips

Talk less listen more

Focus on connection & safety • Empathy & Physical safety • Validate & acknowledge • How they are feeling • How they perceive the situation • Be present with the situation yourself • Being present is better than words

Effective Emotion Coaches

Be prepared!

Better yet, ADJECTIVE!!!

Let me see if I got that. You said…

Did I get it?

Is there more?

That makes sense…

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Suzie’s Mom Learned reasonable vs. excessive Modelled her own emotion regulation Practiced validation • Acknowledging fear • Acknowledging the physical sensations Collaboratively created a plan on new ways for mom to respond • Asking open-ended question in response to Suzie’s questions (e.g., what do you think?)

• Responding to one call or text a day when there are no classes • Specific guidelines when a doctor’s visit is warranted • Do opposite of what anxiety wants!

97

Buy-in & Tolerance • Education (especially outcomes of her traps) • Awareness of her traps • Pros & cons of her traps • Values in her role • Desired outcomes for Suzie

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Biggest Barrier to Success?

Motivation for Change

Inspire

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Inspire

101

Otherwise, you get resistance

• Emotional distress directly related with hesitancy towards engaging in the work.

• We MUST identify what is more important to them than feeling uncomfortable

102

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Suzie’s Cost Benefit Analysis Benefit of anxiety Protection – alert to potential dangers Makes me feel safer and more prepared Better liked Prevent judgment Responsible & taking good care of my health Easier & more comfortable

Cost of anxiety Too upset and reactive Social isolation Personal relationships affected Academics affected No time for hobbies and self-care Time consuming!

Not sustainable Chronic physical symptoms Loss of self Effortful to feel overwhelm No joy in life

What is Important And how is anxiety getting in the way?

104

• Why they want to control their own life • How exhausting anxiety is • How life will be different • What they are missing out on

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Letter to your future self For when your future self gets nervous

106

Collaboratively Create Clear Goals How do emotional experiences cause problems in your life

What needs to change?

All the things anxiety makes you avoid • Seeing friends • Sleepovers • Birthday parties • School • Tryouts for sports (and therefore sport teams) • Sleeping in own bed • Making new friends

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Goals that promote self-efficacy – I can do it!

• • • •

Boost rationale Connects strategies to what’s important to them Gives us focus Track progress 109

Clarify expectations

What’s the problem with this goal:

To be less anxious 110

Clarify expectations • We are human!

• We cannot eliminate emotions & the discomfort • We cannot change our thoughts

111

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SMART GOALS

112

Key Concern

Unable to leave the house without very specific criteria being met.

Leads to everyone arguing, feeling overwhelmed, and late.

Concrete Goal 1

Specific: By October 22, Suzie will leave the house on her own. She will use her skills instead of asking for reassurance.

Leaving the house despite the unknown. Measurable: Track the number of times Suzie asks for reassurance. Track her use of strategies.

Achievable: Identify realistic and feasible strategies that will work for Suzie’s personal needs and leave enough time to get ready.

Relevant: Learning to cope is crucial to break the dependency traps that are maintaining anxiety. This will improve Suzie’s emotional well-being – (the primary concerns), as well as her relationship with her mother and morning.

Time bound: Implement strategies immediately and continue to monitor until our next appointment.

Necessary Steps to Achieve Goals Identify and create a plan to address all maintaining variables Define & set clear boundaries and expectations  If Reassurance shows up, Mom will point to the plan  Write & post boundaries and expectations Implement

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Necessary Steps to Achieve Goals Skill building:  Awareness  Acceptance (of discomfort)  Detach Practice  Leaning in

Monitor  Effectiveness of the established plan  Obstacles  Adjust as needed

Address barriers to success Individual Barriers

• Willingness, commitment, and consistency • Irrational thoughts and negative mindset • Self-concept and self-efficacy • Avoidance

Familial Barriers

• Mother's Anxiety • Unintentionally reinforcing avoidance behaviours • Poor modelling • Codependency • Family beliefs and attitudes • Parenting style

External Barriers

• Social pressures and dynamics • School stressors • Social media influences • Time constraints • Therapeutic alliance

Externalize & Expose

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Emotions can be helpful

But sometimes they can be a sneaky trickster trying to make you think there is something wrong….

119

Mishmash of a Brain Pieced together over millenia • No one CEO. Lots of sub selves.

• Different parts of the brain can communicate and work together easily • Others only have indirect contact • Can hold contradicting information in different parts of the brain

120

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Subselves argue & fight for control

The Best Equipped Takes over

• A lot of back and forth • Integrative – working through a scenario • Confrontational – competing to win • Different parts of the brain activated depending on the selftalk • How we talk to ourselves influences our behaviours

Expose it • Understand emotions and how they work to take control • Yep, there’s Bob, that’s what it does.

• Wow, it is really working hard to make me think the worst today!

• Yeah, we knew it’d show up now. It doesn’t want me to do this presentation.

• It wants me to avoid new things.

• It really knows how to try to stress people out.

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Catastrophizin gCatastrophizing Carl Carl

Mindreading Mandy

Humiliating Hannah

Perfectionist Paula

Overestimating Oscar

Rigid Richard

Avoiding Alison

Permanent Pete

Fortune Telling Fran

Scarcity Sam

All-or-nothing Al

Grumpy McGrumperson

Self-critical Carla

Mindreading Mandy

Negative Ned

NOVEMBER

Rigid Rick All-or-nothing Allie Avoidant Alison

Missing out on • Seeing friends • Learning opportunities • Wasting time that could be doing other things

Self-Critical Carla Catastrophic Cam Perfectionist Pete Fortunetelling Fran Mind reading Mandy Negative Nellie

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KIDS to Understand

Anger • Alerts us to threats or injustices • Protect our well-being

Emotions Are Adaptive!

Fear • Alerts us to danger • Protects us from harm Joy • Positive reinforcement for doing things that promote our wellbeing and survival Shame • Prompts self-reflection, processing, and change • Maintains social harmony

Tell us something about reality

Sadness • Alerts us to loss, separation, or unmet needs and allows us to process the event • Promotes personal growth and deeper social connections Excitement • Propels resilience and growth • Fosters curiosity, creativity, learning, and adaptability

125

Emotions Help Us Navigate Situations Keep us safe or move us towards goals

No Anger

No Fear

Picked on

No Disgust

Eat pooh

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Get eaten

No sadness

No Misery

No future motivation

Unable to process loss

42

Teach the connection!

• All are just as strong and important

Feelings

• All influence each other and re-trigger emotions

Emotions

Behaviours

Thoughts

Change Relationship with Emotions From judgmental and critical stance in which they try to avoid, minimize, or eliminate

Curiosity is a key response to emotional experiences Becoming an Emotion Detective 129

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Core Skill: Mindful Awareness of Emotion

Establish a Framework

Physical Feelings • Prepares to take action

AnxietyDriven, Maladaptive Response

Emotion

Behaviours

Thoughts

• Nonverbals • Compelled to take action

• Focus on perceived threats 130

131

Raise Awareness: Mindfulness Build awareness of: • What is happening in the world around us • What the feeling is • What is happening in the body • What is happening in our mind • How all of these relates to each other, and to our behaviours 132

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Mindfulness is Key

NOT ABOUT RELAXING

NOT ABOUT CHANGING EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES

NOT ABOUT FIGHTING OR IGNORING THEM

133

Worry Likes to Keep us Stuck!

Negatively influences affect, thoughts, behaviours

Thoughts of Past or Future

Keeping thinking of past or future

Negatively influences affect, thoughts, behaviours

At the expense of valuable information now

134

• Need to stay here and attend to the current context • To keep prefrontal cortex online • To attend to corrective information • To learn!

Versus getting sucked into worries, which intensifies the emotional experience and keeps us stuck

135

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Mindfulness

IT’S ABOUT LEANING INTO THEM & GIVING THEM SPACE 136

Stress is inevitable so need to learn to go with the flow, stay mindful, & accept what we can’t change

Acceptance Welcoming anxiety and all it brings.

And living life anyway.

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Anxiety/Emotion Dial

0

100

Acceptance Dial

0

100

Understand Anxiety & What it does….

Emotions (Anxiety) Manifests

Physically

140

Physiological

Emotion

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• Most powerful • Usually shows up first • Triggers emotional response before we even realize it • Helps us to prepare to react to the situation

47

Understand Anxiety & What it does….

•

When the alarm goes off, the body gets ready to fight or run

Even when it is a false alarm!

The brain (and body) cannot tell the difference.

Our body is going to respond based on its best guess

143

Our brain isn’t going to wait around

144

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Our brain doesn’t care if its hazardous or not Our brain will respond based on what we need to survive

145

…What it feels like…

146

• Released hormones • Increase heart rate • Increase blood pressure • Increase energy • Increase alertness • Slows other processes (to fight or run away) • Secretes acid into the stomach to empty it

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They start to worry about the physical feelings, which are distressing, which they will do anything to stop Become reactive Misinterpret as dangerous and leads to more fear, more sensations…

Feelings Subject to Distortion • Wrong context • Need to learn to correctly interpret our interoceptive signals • Better able to interpret signals • Can make more adaptive decisions • Boost resilience • Better emotion regulation and overall emotional functioning

149

Feel More but can’t interpret what the feelings mean Do whatever they can to get rid of them…

150

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… Or control what they can in their external world

151

Of course you feel that way!

Validate & Normalize Feelings

No wonder - your adrenal glands sent out all that stuff that’s really uncomfortable.

Quick Tip 153

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Understanding the FUNCTION of emotions also critical to accept & tolerate them!

154

Anger • Alerts us to threats or injustices • Protect our well-being Fear • Alerts us to danger • Protects us from harm

Emotions Are Adaptive!

Joy • Positive reinforcement for doing things that promote our well-being and survival Shame • Prompts self-reflection, processing, and change • Maintains social harmony

Tell us something about reality

Sadness • Alerts us to loss, separation, or unmet needs and allows us to process the event • Promotes personal growth and deeper social connections Excitement • Propels resilience and growth • Fosters curiosity, creativity, learning, and adaptability

155

Emotions Help Us Navigate Situations Keep us safe or move us towards goals

No Anger

No Fear

Picked on

No Disgust

Eat pooh

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Get eaten

No sadness

No Misery

Glutton for punishment with unattainable goals

No future motivation

Unable to process loss

52

Understand Function of Emotions

Disappointment

MUST have physical reactions to alert us to what is happening • Cannot change reactions without this understanding

Hurt

Fear 157

158

Understand the truths!

 Our bodies are intuitive and designed to protect us.  It doesn’t make sense if our body was doing something to harm us.  Trust the body to do it’s thing and get out of its way. We don’t need to add commentary.

Hearts can beat hard all day long and stay healthy

Understand the truths!

We’d be extinct if we always fainted in danger.

• Fainting happens with LOW blood pressure.

• When anxious, lots of blood is flowing!

Forcing ourselves to swallow won’t help us swallow • Hum or sing

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Our body will always compensate for breathing

Tension builds when we are not doing anything with the energy • Get moving: Shake!

Emotions come and, more importantly, they go

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This is normal!!!

And NOT dangerous!

160

Understand how stress shows up = Adaptive thinking

Of course, I feel uncomfortable!

I know what my body is doing.

I can handle this.

The mystery is gone BONUS: Expecting physical sensations helps reduce signals to amygdala

I understand what my body is doing I can handle what my body does

Self-Coach

I can handle discomfort I know what I can do now

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Essential to Reconnect Physiologically Diz z y

Racing

Tens ion

Achy

Sore

H ot

Cold

Tingly

Relaxed

Trembling

N umb

Sharp

N aus ea

Breathles s

Shivering

Sweating

163

Trouble s wallowing

Tired

Dizzy

Shivers

Racing

Increased heart rate

Tension

Weak legs Ringing ears

Achy

Identify& describe TWO places anxiety shows up.

Stronger on left or right?

Sore Hot Cold Tingly Numb

Blurred vision Muscle tension Shaking Trembling Chest pain

Sharp

Headaches

Breathless

Burning skin/sweating

Shivering

Blushing

Sweating

Changes in breathing

Trouble swallowing

Stomach-ache/ Nausea

Tired

Relaxed

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When we label the different parts of emotions and our experiences, we: • Change our interpretation of them • Change how our body responds • Dampen amygdala’s false alarm • Turn on prefrontal cortex • Make adaptive decisions • Learn that we have control over our responses • I know what you are & I know how to handle you

• Avoid getting sucked in – it’s just a piece of information 165

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Can’t just talk about it.

Practicing Emotional Awareness Key! 166

167

Mindful Mood Induction

168

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Mood Induction Practice • Observe reactions, whatever comes up physiologically, in an objective and nonjudgmental way • Third party reporter • It makes sense I feel______________________ • Focus on the PRESENT MOMENT • Grounding techniques

• Debrief at the end about all the reactions that happened, in an objective and nonjudgmental way

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Emotions are simply emotions!

They will take over if we aren’t self-aware in the moment.

Use them as a learning opportunity, get curious!

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Practicing Emotional Awareness with UNCOMFORTABLE Feelings is Key! 171

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Nonjudgmental Awareness of the NOW is Foundational

• Without mindful awareness and acceptance of emotions, can’t move on with any of the other work to strengthen more adaptive responses • Therefore, need LOTS of practice and experiences with uncomfortable feelings

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Focus on Physical Sensations Be with it • Observe it vs. think about it • Breathe into it • Expand it • Allow it to be there Sensations might change but they might not. It doesn’t matter!

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Learning?

• It might change • It’s temporary if you sit long enough with it • Staying curious keeps our prefrontal cortex on

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Anxiety is not in the situation but the feelings we have and

How we perceive those feelings Same mindful acceptance applies with thoughts

Cognitive

Emotion

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The brain cannot tell the difference between what it actually sees and what it imagines

& will react as truth 177

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Mindful Awareness & Acceptance of Thoughts • Infinite amount of thoughts • (4.617 x 10^61 potential thoughts= four hundred sixty-one duodecillion and seven hundred decillion)

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• Constant stream • Unaware of most of them • Even when they affect how we feel • Easy to get stuck on one • If sensitive, the bizarre ones will always stand out

We can't control our thoughts – only our response to them Be aware and accept it for what it is: A random thought

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Success at controlling obsessions _________________________________ 1 10 Effort in trying to control obsessions _________________________________ 1 10 Back & forth battle where obsessions typically always win…

Core skill Mindful Awareness & Acceptance of Emotion:

Thoughts

Sit with, accept, & acknowledge worries

Focus on raising awareness to thoughts Recognizing them

Acknowledging them

Disentangling from them

Accepting them

vs. trying to change thoughts

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Defusion

•Noticing thoughts vs. getting caught in thoughts

Past

Future Present

Emotions are simply emotions!

We can experience different emotions despite the exact same circumstances.

How we interpret them causes suffering.

They will take over if we aren’t self-aware in the moment.

Use them as a learning opportunity, get curious!

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Remember!

It’s NOT about the trigger…

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Anxiety is not in the situation but the feelings we have and how we perceive those feelings

Did you know?

Fear and excitement feel the same in the body?

But how we think about it makes all the difference in the world….

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Threat vs. Challenge Response Not good or bad, different purposes Threat response: Goal is survival in situations we aren’t equipped to handle • Rush of cortisol to defend and protect Challenge response: Opportunity for growth where we tackle hard but manageable situations • More testosterone and adrenaline to help us achieve our goal

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Our thoughts are not always trustworthy!

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Stretch Make a list of things you or others have believed that you do not believe anymore

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Information from our eyes and ears only loosely connected to what we experience Mechanics of vision: The eye is like a camera • Light bounces off objects • Enters our eyes • Focused on the retina by the lens • Retinal image (2-D)

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Knowledge Influences Sensory Information (e.g., all faces are always convex) Our knowledge/ experience misleads us into seeing the mask as convex

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Bottom-up sensory information is overridden by topdown knowledge We interpret the information to create meaningful PERCEPTIONS of the world

195

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Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTS)

Ghost Burglar

Scratch at the door Monster

Kidnapper

The first draft

These are only guesses!!

Wrong 99% of the time 197

Not about the trigger… …It’s just an Illusion

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Brain Shortcuts With these shortcuts it is really easy to get stuck with ONE interpretation (the automatic conspiracy END OF THE WORLD)

• Cuts out information to maximize brain resources • Helpful at times (e.g., repetitive stimuli) • Unhelpful when emotions kick in: Miss other possibilities • Become rigid and stuck

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Cognitive Flexibility

But first, need to get unstuck

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Zoom Out! • When we are too close, we get drawn into the emotions of the experience and spiral to the easy way out.

• When we can create space, we can respond in helpful ways

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Detach & Enhance

Get Unstuck: Detach Distancing • “___ is noticing ____ is having the thought that….”

• Use third person language Train, balloons, bubbles clouds, or leaves on the river Thank them Objectify

• What colour? How big? What shape? What texture? How would it move if it could?

Name that Story

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Detach

•Noticing thoughts vs. getting caught in thoughts

Make fun of worried thoughts Sing it Draw cartoons Literalization Mute it Say it really fast Say it in slow motion Mimic it Exaggerate it 206

Dismiss Worried Thoughts Dismiss Worried Thoughts

Demand more from worried thoughts

Roll my eyes

You’re so boring!

Is that all you got?

Is that the best you can come up with?

Big deal

So what?

Don’t you have something scarier?

Can’t you give me more?

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• Yep, that’s your story you’re trying to tell.

• Nice first draft. Nice conspiracy.

• This is normal.

• This is not an emergency.

• You’re annoying.

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Create a Bingo Card of Strategies Past/Present/Future

Distancing

Train, balloons, bubbles clouds, or leaves on the river

Thank them

War of the Worlds

Objectify

Name that Story

Repetition

Humour

Paradox

Body Scan

Literalization 209

Remember!

Thinking flexibly is to be done PROACTIVELY Don’t try to change their mind!!!

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Ghost Burglar

These are only guesses!!!!

Scratch at the door

(Based on unhelpful trickster assumptions)

Monster

Kidnapper

Overestimation

ANTS Involve:

• Believe something bad is for sure going to happen Catastrophizing • Worse case scenario • Completely awful • Completely unmanageable

Overestimation

NOT good or bad BUT they

DO limit our flexibility

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• Believe something bad is for sure going to happen Catastrophizing • Worse case scenario • Completely awful • Completely unmanageable

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Overestimation • About the likelihood of something happening Catastrophizing • About the importance of the event

Lead to spiralling

I made a mistake

They realize I am incompetent

I am going to be fired

My family is going to reject me

Homeless

Cognitive Flexibility • Lean into strong emotions • Keep our prefrontal cortex online by GETTING CURIOUS • Break anxiety maintaining cycles: Change relationship and response to emotion-provoking situations

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Cognitive Flexibility: Get Unstuck from Thinking Traps Goal is to increase flexibility in appraising situations  NOT to eliminate, replace, or fix thinking – this IS one possible way to look at the situation

• Respond in adaptive ways •

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Ghost Dog

Acknowledge.

Detach.

Edit the first draft.

Burglar Sister

Scratch at the door

What are other possibilities?

Something fell in the Monster hall Kidnapper MOM

Possibility 1

Possibility 4

Situation

Possibility 2

Possibility 3

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Cognitive Flexibility: Co-Existence Important! (with other possibilities based on the NOW)

Burglar

Sister Dog

Kidnapper

Something fell 220

Unexpected event of the day & how you handled it 221

What are all the ways you could use a… Pen?

222

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Enhance Cognitive Flexibility with Helpful Open-Ended Questions Create a checklist • To generate alternative explanations

Alternative explanations

How would my friend interpret this? Grandma? Pet? Is there any shred of usefulness in this thought?

What would I get for buying into this story?

Am I going to follow my thoughts or my experience?

What advice would I give to someone else?

What have I not considered?

What evidence is there for and against this thought?

How much do I believe this is true? What do I know for sure?

If I were in a sitcom, what would be funny about this situation?

Ability to cope

• To acknowledge their ability to cope

What little change will help?

How would my successful future self-handle this situation?

What is going positively in my life that will help me cope?

How have I coped with emotional experienced in the past?

What aspect of this situation is easy to target?

If this was true, would I still survive?

If this was true, what are five possibilities re: where I will be in a year from now?

If this was true, what have I learned?

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Be Creative!

MIXING UP THE DAY

FIND THREE WAYS TO LEARN ABOUT A TOPIC

FIND THREE WAYS TO SHOW WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT A TOPIC 224

Chain of flexibility

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Columbo Approach • Guide them to create discrepancies • Can you read everyone’s minds?

• All the time?

• With everything? Or certain things?

• Examples?

Practice Cognitive Flexibility • Yes, And • Story re-write • Can try visualization • Externalization of voices • Problem-solving • Play devil’s advocate • Counterarguments

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Hypothesis Testing Lots of experiments and experiences needed!

• What do I think will happen?

• How sure? (1-10)?

• Was the hypothesis right?

• What did I learn?

228

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Help them be thinkers Independent problem solvers to figure things out Without calls or texts Without fake crutches

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(We can’t know, so avoid reassurance.)

Let’s figure that out.

What could you do?

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What I know • • • • •

Where we’re going What time we’re leaving What I will eat for lunch Who is in my group Who our group leader is

What I don’t know • • • • • • • • • • • •

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Where I will sit Who I’ll sit with Weather?

What time we’ll get back Where the bathrooms are Bugs?

How much walking?

Allergic reaction Snack breaks If the bus will be on time How busy it’ll be How loud it’ll be

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Create opportunities

Modelling • I feel frustrated. I need to take a minute to think what to do next.

• Can you help me brainstorm ideas?

• That’s a tight timeline. I am going to plan this out.

• I am a little nervous; I have no idea what will happen. Let’s figure this out.

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Perfectionist Paula Gets in the Way of Life

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Perfectionism is the most serious thinking trap & root of depression Focus on core concepts • Unrealistic expectations • Rumination • Need for approval • Concern about mistakes • Doubts about actions • Additional traps like circumstantial thinking , quality/quantity

235

Break into Parts

Helpful parts of perfectionism

Unhelpful parts of perfectionism

Helps us prepare

Become paralyzed

Helps us strive for excellence

Procrastinate & create more stress Stifles learning and growth Narrows our world Makes us perform worse

Perfectionism likes to work with Pals

• You never do anything right • No one likes you • Everything you do sucks • You always fail and will continue to fail

Break into parts • Good and not so good • This part is hard • I will focus on one step at a time

Henchmen Guesses

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All or nothing: I can’t do anything I can’t write I can brainstorm

I can follow a template

Math is easy

I can edit

Reading: Easy

Gym: easy 238

Build Procedural Thinking!

• Strive for excellence, but address unrealistic standards • Emotions related to expectations • Focus on what’s next (vs. circumstances, rumination, should’s)

What’s next?

What’s next?

What’s next?

The Importance of Mistakes  Talk about your own mistakes  Talk about others’ experiences

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Embracing mistakes: Mistake of the Day! What was this experience like?

What did you learn from this mistake What will you do the next time you are in this situation?

What advice can you tell others based on this?

Forging ahead • Avoid getting stuck • No need to ask why, lecture, or explain the problem • Have THEM think of the hows • How will they fix this mistake?

• How will they move on?

• How will they handle ______________?

Practice!

• Start with emotion free problems • Move toward emotionally charged problems

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Core Skill: Mindful Awareness of Emotion: Behaviours

Awareness& & Awareness Modification Modification Reaction ofof Reaction

Awareness of Interpretation & Flexibility

Situation

Awareness of & Awareness Acceptance Feelings of Physical Feelings

Core skills  Identifying and modifying unhelpful emotion-driven behaviours

Emotion

Body language 246

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What it looks like • Our body communicates how we are feeling • How would others know when I am feeling anxious by looking at me?

Motivational (behavioural response)

Emotion

Remember, emotions lead to behavioural responses to respond quickly to our environment

Anger

Assert, Flee, ThoughtsFear about the situation defend freeze

Shame

Avoid

& their belief of how they can manage also lead to patterns of behaviours

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Sadness

Support, withdrawal

Joy

Excitement

Connect, engage

Attend, explore

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Behaviours: Internalizing • Withdrawn/isolated • Shy • Sad/irritable • Head/stomach-aches • Eating issues (under- or over-eating; food intolerances) • Sleep problems/Fatigue • Low self-esteem and confidence • Rejection • Repetitive behaviours/obsession • Difficulties concentrating, fidgety • Avoidance • Disorganized • Cry

• Easily triggered • Disrespectful

Behaviours: Externalizing

• Oppositional and defiant • Difficulty transitioning • Aggression/intimidation • Difficulties concentrating • Lies or steals • Temper outbursts • Restless/fidgety • Interrupts/Intrudes • Impulsive • Give up easily • Argumentative • Yell • Repetitive questions • Seek constant approval • Substance use

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When someone avoids things they don’t feel comfortable with, they lose the chance to practice and grow

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Thoughts & Feelings lead to (avoidant) behaviours People will think I’m stupid

• I avoid speaking up in meetings

I feel like I will vomit

• I avoid going out

Everything must be done perfectly

• I avoid doing anything I can’t do perfectly

I am going to be in a car accident

• I avoid driving

People will think I am boring • I avoid hanging out with friends 253

With avoidance, they never learn!

Biased Thoughts

Safety behaviours

Never learn thoughts are biased and bad things might not happen or be as bad as thought.

Never learn they can cope on their own

Anxiety strengthened Worried thoughts seem believable

Hinders their ability to face challenges

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Emotional (Avoidant) Behaviours Function: To reduce the intensity of the emotion

Overt Avoidance

Avoid situations, people, things

Subtle Avoidance

Avoid full experience of emotions

Cognitive Avoidance

Avoid distressing thoughts

Safety Behaviours/signals

Used to feel as safe as possible 255

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Emotional Discomfort

Brain is rewarded

Important!

Avoid

Feel better in the moment

MUST understand how their behaviours are maintaining, or even worsening, their emotional discomfort  The behaviour is reinforced in the moment, increasing the likelihood of using this strategy again in the future

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Remember! Short- and long-term outcomes of maladaptive vs. adaptive coping strategies Maladaptive Coping

Feel better in the moment

Worsens anxiety in the long run

Ingrains anxiety pathways

Adaptive Coping

Feel distressing in the moment

Tolerate & manage anxiety in the long run

Create new healthy pathways

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• But I end up missing school I ensure I look perfect to feel safe • But I fight with my mom against potential embarrassment.

I skip social functions to avoid rejection

• But I miss out seeing my friends and nurturing those relationships

I constantly check • But I miss out on things my health to stay in • Time consuming control and catch • Always worried and no anything early time for hobbies

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I fail school Homelife is tense

I will lose relationships and become isolated.

I disrupt relationships, lose self, become depressed

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90% of what people learn is from what they experience

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Don’t underestimate the power of the anxious emotional brain!

• Change is neurological – we need to change the brain • Behaviours affect emotions more effectively than thought or talking • Brain is changed through EXPERIENCES • Can’t think or talk our way to change • Focus on strength (behaviours) rather than weakness (thoughts)!

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MUST DO THINGS DIFFERENTLY! Emotions become a disorder when we do what anxiety wants (i.e., feel better in the moment)

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Speed of recovery directly relates to your willingness to feel anxiety

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Resilience Ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.

Suzie WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?

WHAT OUTCOME DO I WANT?

WHAT DOES ANXIETY WANT US TO DO?

• Need to make sure I look perfect in the morning • Need to make sure I am healthy

To go to school without • Guarantee worrying about how I perfection look or what others • Discuss colour will think wheel • Analyze every inch To get through a day • Reassure without worrying I am • See the doctor going to die. (Caroline every week to change: Still doing ensure I am healthy what I need to do • Check health status when I have a worried daily thought about dying)

WHAT NEEDS TO CHANGE? (& WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE?)

WHAT ACTIONS ARE NEEDED?

Control for certainty needs to change.

Therefore, • Go to school without checking • Doctor schedule and as needed based on specific guidelines

• Acknowledge henchmen • Drop into the body • Talk back (whatever) • Say goodbye to mom (without asking about how I look and without her telling me) • Write my symptoms if needed for next regular doctor appointment 264

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What am I going to do next?

(The Opposite of What Anxiety Wants)

Avoid judgment

Avoid rejection

Ensure Healthy

• Harassing mom to ensure I look perfect

Face uncertainty of possible judgment

• Leave without asking mom

• Skip social functions

Face uncertainty of possible rejection

• Go to social functions

• Waste time constantly checking • Fighting with mom

Face uncertainty of my health status

• Paint instead of checking Dr. Google

Suzie’s Homework • Going to school without reassurance • Tolerating uncertainty of whether she is sick • Making her own appointments • Filling up the car with gas • Going through her morning routine without consulting Dr. Google • Handing in work without mom checking it 266

Core skills Integration of all the skills through emotion exposure to

master adaptive responses

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Dare & Defy

Integrate Skills through Emotion Exposure Integrate skills to master adaptive responses • Talking not enough to change the brain!

• Doing makes stronger memories • Doing gives us experience • Quicker progress • Provoke STRONG EMOTIONS - MUST show up for learning to happen

Worry is…

Emotional exposures because the primary focus is not the specific situation, image, or activity but the emotion itself.

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Emotion Exposures Interoceptive

• Elicit distressing physical sensations

situations that provoke Situational-based • Face intense emotional reactions

Imaginal

• Confront distressing thoughts or emotions.

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Emotion Exposures Interoceptive

• Elicit distressing physical sensations

Situationalbased

• Face situations that provoke intense emotional reactions

Imaginal

• Confront distressing thoughts or emotions.

Combine for maximal benefits

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Goals for ALL Exposures PROCESS vs. OUTCOME • Based on something actionable • Targets distress

• Ensures they learn something new firsthand vs. anxiety reduction

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Exposure to LEARN

Anxiety is safe, tolerable, & temporary • Safety behaviours are not needed to tolerate anxiety or to stay safe • The amygdala will learn: This is not dangerous! (And stops sending the false alarm.)

Exposure to LEARN

Despite feeling anxious, I still did it • And… I can still live life and do anything, even while feeling anxious!

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Exposure TO LEARN • Something about the specific issue (based on their prediction) • Did the feared outcome happen?

• No • Less likely • Less severe and/or • Not as dangerous as I thought • Yes…

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Exposure to LEARN Despite feeling anxious, I still did it And… I can still live life and do anything, even while feeling anxious!

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Getting unstuck

Face Fear

Without the worst thing happening

Without safety behaviours

Or, if it does, they can handle It

Physical Symptoms are a Natural Response

• But often misinterpreted as dangerous, which creates a positive feedback loop • Often motivated to avoid these

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Interoceptive Exposure: Lean Into Discomfort!

• Confront worrisome body sensations • Evoke things they worry about

Ultimate goal: Tolerate the physical sensations • Without being scared of them (and therefore making them worse) • Without needing to engage in emotion-driven behaviours to reduce, avoid, or eliminate the feelings

Interoceptive Exposure Learning: The uncomfortable physical sensations are tolerable, temporary, and not dangerous.

• I am not • Having a heart attack • Losing complete control • Suffocating • Dying

Interoceptive Exposure Be prepared!

• We need their confidence in this process so we need to be confident ourselves

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Be Prepared!

Hyperventilate/fast breathing (dizziness)

Breathe through a straw really fast (breathlessness) • Hold your nose!

Jumping jacks, run on the spot or up and down stairs (increased heart rate)

Spin in place (dizziness, nausea)

Shake head side to side or draw a circle with your nose (dizziness)

Stare at hands for 2-3 min. (unreality)

Wear something tight around neck (tightness in throat)

Stare at ceiling light for 1 min. and then try to read something (blurred vision)

Get them to do whatever causes the feelings

Collaboratively choose a moderate & distressing exercise • Repeat it • Evoke sensations as intensely as possible • Sustain sensations beyond feared outcome limits • Repeat – especially with any “yeah but’s” • No distraction nor avoidance

• Record • Length of time & number of repetitions • Physical sensations • Intensity of sensations • Level of distress

• Assign for homework!

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Tolerating Uncertainty • Life is full of uncertainty: we can never know what is going to happen from one moment to the next • Brain will do whatever it can to avoid uncertainty • Build tolerance by going into the unknown!

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Become so good at managing ANY emotion that comes up.

Learn to respond differently through LOTS OF EXPERIENCES Anxiety Shame Guilt Rejection Disappointment Frustration Self-doubt

Being Ridiculous

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Rejection Practice Ask a store to stay open an extra 30 minutes for me Ask a stranger to take a selfie with me Ask for a bite of a stranger’s food at a restaurant Ask to make an announcement over the loudspeaker at a grocery store Ask a stranger for $50 Ask someone for their car Ask for a 50% discount at a store 288

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Setting up Exposure Set up the situation & collaborate a specific plan Address obstacles Address safety behaviours Honesty & Remind them how anxiety works Rationale and buy-in Test it out!

Validate & normalize Debrief & Evaluate Reinforce Keep going

Setting up Exposure

Set up the situation: COLLABORATIVELY Create a Menu of Feared Situations & Internal/External Stimuli Have a variety and match situations, thoughts, and physiological experiences Make it worthwhile: Include the hardest, scariest things they think are valid and need to be avoided

What do they have to learn?

What do they have to do to learn?

No more than 10

Remember: Focus on PROCESS vs. trigger or outcome, LEARNING vs. anxiety reduction

Reasonable Risk

Not absolutely risk-free but something people do everyday • Say something stupid • Do something embarrassing • Make a mistake • Sweat in front of others • Wear something atrocious • Ask someone out • Forget to lock the door • Go to the toilet in public

• Walk outside on a really windy day 291

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Feared Situations & Internal/External Stimuli Antecedents (Triggers to anxiety) Snakes Feeling nausea Trying something new Initiating an interaction Presentations Being with unfamiliar people Intrusive thoughts re: break-ins Intrusive thoughts re: house setting on fire

You are the expert and I need your expertise!

We will put our expert heads together to figure out the best plan.

Rate it Antecedents (Triggers to anxiety)

Predicted Awfulness

Walking by the snake cage

50

Standing by the snake cage for 30 seconds

70

Standing by the snake cage for 2 minutes

70

Opening the snake cage

80

Putting my hand in the snake cage for 30 seconds

100

Holding my hand in the snake cage for 2 minutes

100

Touching the snake

100

Holding the snake for 30 seconds

100

Holding the snake for 5 minutes

100

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Actual Awfulness

Later

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Collaborate

They get to choose what they want to do Several things can make it easier or harder (e.g., distance, time, people) Does NOT need to be easiest first MUST surpass the identified point at which the feared outcome is expected

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Setting up Exposure:

Collaborate a specific plan

Step-by-step plan On Monday morning at 10:00, I will: • Mindfully walk (focusing on my feet movement) in the direction of M’s desk.

• I will maintain a natural pace and posture with my eyes up • When I reach the intersection of desk, I will look at M and smile • As I reach the corner of M’s desk, I will say “Hi” clearly and audibly • I will continue walking past the desk to the photocopier to photocopy a document • I will return to my desk to note how I felt before, during, and after the exposure and rate the awfulness.

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Intense Anxiety or Panic Before the Attempt

Setting up Exposure:

Address Obstacles

• Drop into the body and review my goal and coping cards • Identify the first step and go anyway M is not at their desk • Practice walking past the desk • Try again when M is back • Do the exposure at the next alternate time I get called into a meeting • Do the exposure at the next alternate time

No Safety Behaviours Allowed!

(It’s only an illusion of safety anyway)

The Problem with Safety Behaviours Habits that maintain & worsens anxiety • No learning happens: believe the behaviour prevented catastrophe • Still trying to control anxiety (so never confront fears) • Effortful and exhausting (which causes more anxiety and dysregulation)

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Safety Behaviours

Any strategy to control, avoid, or reduce anxiety Sitting strategically (e.g., near exits)

Having someone with you

Carrying a safety object

Never letting heart rate get too high

Having phone charged and on at all times

Medications

Reassurance seeking

Checking google all the time

Having water available at all times

Not eating before leaving the house

Not going to work or school

Asking forgiveness

Praying

301

AVOID False Fear Blockers Anything to make them feel better in the moment • Taking deep breaths • Relaxation • Distraction

302

What to do instead…

Calming strategies

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Stay present with what is, tolerate, and notice what happens.

Amygdala learns by feeling the discomfort and seeing that nothing needs to happen for it to go away (and can handle it).

101

Predictions are important for learning!

Set up as experiments to ensure learning

304

Predict to Maximize Learning!

Antecedents (Triggers to anxiety)

Predicted Awfulness

Walking by M’s desk and saying Hi

90

I predict this will happen

Actual Awfulness

Later

What really happened?

I will turn bright red I will stare like a deer in headlights I will say something nonsensical or stupid

Need to disconfirm their fear story to the fullest extent possible

M will look at me in disgust Everyone will hate me I will die from embarrassment

Setting up Exposure

Honesty!

You’re going to feel uncomfortable Anxiety will be at its highest when you do something different the first time without safety behaviours

306

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Setting up Exposure

You’re going to feel uncomfortable MUST Activate to generate

Develop new, competing brain circuits

Setting up Exposure: Remind how anxiety works Anxiety is • Uncomfortable & this is what it does…

• Normal (of course you are going to be scared!)

• Safe (it’s meant to protect you!)

• Temporary (let’s see how long this feeling lasts)

Setting up Exposure:

Honesty!

• We have no idea what is going to happen • I know you will handle it

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We can never make anyone do anything – especially distressing things - if they don’t want to do

Setting up Exposure Rationale & Buy-In Collaborate

• What is important to them • Why are we doing this? How will it be helpful for you?

• How does worry get in the way of your life?

• New learning • To manage emotions • I can handle it!

BUT…Fake it ‘til you make it doesn’t work (Masking is exhausting and too hard in the face of a real challenge) 312

drcarolinebuzanko.com

104

Real Bravery is NOT Fearlessness.

Bravery is acknowledging when something is hard (not pretending it isn’t) • With an honest appraisal, we can respond productively

313

Remember!

Speed of recovery directly relates to your willingness to feel anxiety

314

If I am uncomfortable Then I know I am on the right track

drcarolinebuzanko.com

105

Setting up Exposure:

Test it out

This is the only way to create new experiences that contradict with old worries

Anxiety wants comfort & certainty

Do the opposite of what it wants!

317

When the gremlin shows up, it is going to:

I am going to:

Tell me

Say

Make me feel

Notice

Want me to

Do

For Suzie’s mom:

Reassure

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Support Confidence

106

Suzie’s Flowchart

Acknowledge & Name it

Where & how does it show up

What story is it telling

Whatever

Thank it

319

Setting up Exposure:

Validate & Normalize No matter what!

• Stick to the plan until you surpass the feared outcome handle ANYTHING • Must learn they can go further than the worry made them believe they can

Setting up Exposure: Debrief & Evaluate

Learning happens here to disconfirm conspiracy 321

drcarolinebuzanko.com

107

Evaluate to Maximize Learning!

Antecedents (Triggers to anxiety)

Predicted Awfulness

Walking by M’s desk and saying Hi

90

I predict this will happen

What really happened?

I will turn bright red

Feel like I turned red (but don’t know for sure)

I will stare like a deer in headlights

I smiled

I will say something nonsensical or stupid

I said Hi

M will look at me in disgust

M smiled and said hi back

Everyone will hate me

No one has treated me any differently

I will die from embarrassment

I am still alive

Actual Awfulness

Later 0

70

Disconfirm their fear story to the fullest extent possible but,

No matter how awful or what happened, it passed &

I HANDLED IT!!!!

An environment which emphasizes safety, trust, and belonging while showing confidence

Important Foundations

Integrate all the skills to handle challenges

Set goals – what am I going to do and why is it important?

Get curious and keep the prefrontal cortex online

Recognize and name their emotions

Understand and identify what is happening in the body and mind

Accept and tolerate the discomfort in the body and mind

Detach, boss back, and problem solve 323

Ending Exposure Session Did you survive?

Yes How manageable was it?

Did the feared outcome happen?

No

drcarolinebuzanko.com

How tolerable was the distress waiting for It to happen?

108

When exposure is done • Lots of opportunities • Can do it on their own without safety behaviours • NOT about their subjective distress!!!!

Willingness to face anxiety provoking experiences!!!

Recovery is when: You’re not worried about worries

END

Thrive

drcarolinebuzanko.com

109

Life is About Ups and Downs (and downs help us learn & get stronger)

328

Create new ingrained habits

Even the most skilled of us revert to old ingrained habits when the situation is new and/or overwhelming 329

Worry makes us forget

330

drcarolinebuzanko.com

110

Keeping track is essential to create memory bridges

Hard

Working on It

Success!

Keep Going!

What can we do to tweak the exposure to be even more effective & next targets

333

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111

What I couldn’t do because of worry:

Moving on

What I can do now: Where I am going next:

Lifestyle Focus Opportunists: Choosing to be anxious now for more success later

Missions for Self-Exposure

You’re only limited by your own creativity!

Create themes for the week • Imperfection • Make a guess when don’t know • Focus on quantity vs. quality in a timed task • Fast decision making • Independence • Book own appointments • Buy things on their own • Order the family’s pizza

• Talking to people • Ask stranger for time or directions • Ask someone to play • Compliment someone

drcarolinebuzanko.com

112

Challenges are part of life. Need to be challenged to gain direct experience working through it and learn they can handle it.

Do something hard & take risks!

Every day.

Adults Being Helpful • Encourage kids to try new things, even when scared • Teach kids to be comfortable in the world • There is no certainty

Goal:

Willingness Action Plan

Big why:

The steps I need to take are:

The discomfort I am willing to have to achieve this goal:

drcarolinebuzanko.com

I will take the first step on (date) at (time)

Thoughts Feelings Sensations Urges I can remind myself that:

113

BONUS Common Obstacles: • Lack of understanding about anxiety and what maintains it • Unclear rationale • Rationale irrelevant or weak • Fusion to unhelpful thoughts (e.g., justifications) • Excessive (e.g., too big, skills or resources lacking) • Individual is not involved in selecting and planning • Exposures aren’t worrying – too easy • Something still makes them feel safe (yeah but…)

• Practice sessions too narrow

Common Obstacles: • Implemented incorrectly • Focus too much on convincing or reframing • No learning happening • Poor therapeutic relationship • Depression • Failing to address others’ accommodations • Failing to address safety behaviours • Unintentionally reassuring or accommodating ourselves • Working harder than the individual • Stuck in trying to convince them

Us! We need to get over our own discomfort They MUST get uncomfortable

342

drcarolinebuzanko.com

114

Focusing on Habituation Sending the wrong messages • Anxiety is bad (because it must be reduced) • Something is wrong with me (because the only way I will be fixed is if I don’t feel anxious) • Misinterpret inevitable and normal unexpected anxiety becomes signs of failure • Hopelessness • Anxiety is controllable • Exposure can become another safety signal

What to do instead…

Habituation

Focus on learning: Feared outcome beliefs contradicted ? Did you handle it?

What to do instead…

Eliminate anxiety & fearful associations

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Create new learning patterns that compete with old ones

115

What to do instead…

Conditional Safety Learning

https://parentsoftheyear.buzzsprout.com/

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Learn non-danger-based associations across contexts with different people and everywhere anxiety can show up

https://bit.ly/overpoweringemotionspodcast

116

Bonus Resources

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Developing a personal action plan What traps do I need to get out of?

How can I improve my approach for effective communication?

What can I do proactively ?

What can I start collaboratively problem-solving?

What I can do to strengthen our relationship?

Self-Regulation Battery Example Signs for Billy’s energy level Optimal participation  Communicates needs  Easily transitions  Engaging  Smiles  Follows requests easily  Follows rules

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Self-regulation support • Adults monitoring his energy levels & providing support as needed • First-then for less preferred activities • Regular breaks to do energy restoring activities

Still need support!!

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

OK Participation Self-regulation support  Seeks  First-then attention/connection  Visual schedule  Can choose and engage in  Choices tasks with frequent check-  Hands-on activities out ins and available to use  Responds to strategies  Social acknowledgment offered when requested  OK with following rules  Frequent breaks with  Transitions with support energy restoring activities  Negotiates-can come to  Regularly monitoring signs agreement of stress

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Struggling to participate  Echolalia  Grabs  Less agreeable Little patience/hard to wait  Impulsive  Says he is “bored”  Stomps feet  Moves away from group  May not eat when needed/hungry  Self-Initiating breaks  1:1 support to do activities  1:1 support to transition  Rigid negotiations  Anxiety

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Co-regulation support

 First-then  Modify expectations  Following his lead about calming activities  Physical activities  1:1 quiet time  Self-regulation supports Into routines  Connect before direct  Reduce stressors draining energy  Energy boosting activity

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Struggling to participate Calming co-regulation support:  Unresponsive  Calm tone of voice  Does not following prompts  Listen vs. talk connected to routines  Focus on connection  Pinching self  Reduce stressors draining  Runs away from group energy  Hyper, giggly, silly, high-pitched  Acknowledge emotions squeal  Say there for support  Arguing  Provide low energy options for  Noncompliant expectations  Rigid  Cuddles  Trying to get control of the situation  Throwing things  Anxious

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Very Challenging Behaviours  Physical aggression  Verbal aggression  Running away  Screaming  Hitting  Face turning red  Crying

Emphasizing cues of safety  Position body lower than his  Minimal talking  Let him know you are there with him/there to help him If needed  Give time and follow his lead for space or connection  Keep him safe

Optimize the Environment: Self-Assessment

• Is the classroom arranged to accommodate the needs of all students? Is the home environment organized in a way that supports structured activities and routines for your child?

• Are routines been established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day?

• Are there three to five positive expectations outlined and prominently displayed? Have these been clearly defined and taught to children?

• Are prompts and active supervision used proactively to guide behaviour positively in anticipation of potential challenges?

• Is there a variety of opportunities for children to actively participate and engage at a high frequency, encouraging positive interactions and learning?

• Is specific praise and other positive reinforcement strategies regularly used to acknowledge and encourage the behaviors you wish to see more frequently?

• Are reminders consistently provided before a potential behavioural issue arises, to preemptively address and guide expected behaviour?

• Are responses to misbehaviours appropriate, consistent, and systematic, ensuring a clear understanding of consequences?

• Is there a system in place for collecting and analyzing behaviour-related data to inform strategies and interventions?

Does the environment support student needs?

Sstrategically Optimize Classroom Environment • Versatile and activity-centric learning environment • Diverse instructional activities (e.g., small groups, whole-class lessons, and individual learning stations) • Create a dynamic learning space that is activity-centric • Enhance visibility and accessibility: Clear sightlines and easy access for both teacher-led and student-centered activities.

• Strategic Seating Arrangements to foster interaction and ease of movement.

• Facilitate smooth transitions between activities.

• Ready-to-Use Materials • Keep instructional resources organized and within reach.

Optimize Classroom Environment • Visual aids • Manage personal and instructional materials • Provide clear options for storing personal items • Regularly assess the classroom setup to ensure that all students are visible and engaged, adjusting seating as necessary to promote inclusivity.

Consider

• Avoid blind spots where students or sections of the room are out of the teacher's sightline.

• Mitigate congestion and design clear pathways • Ensure furniture is appropriately sized and arranged to support the physical comfort and engagement of all students.

Optimal Home Environment • Create defined spaces and ensure to personalize them!

• Designate specific areas for various activities, such as homework, play, and relaxation.

• Tailor the study and play spaces to their preferences and needs, incorporating their input to increase their comfort and sense of ownership over their space.

• Provide a quiet, comfortable spot for downtime or when feeling overwhelmed.

• Foster independence with organized choices • Arrange belongings and toys in a way that allows the child to make choices independently, within set boundaries to foster autonomy while maintaining a structured environment.

Optimal Home Environment • Visual schedules and rules • Visuals for daily routines and expectations.

• Display clear, simple rules in a visible area to reinforce expectations and boundaries consistently.

• Ensure accessibility and organization • Organize essential materials in accessible, designated places to foster independence and responsibility.

• Use labeled bins or shelves for toys and supplies to promote responsibility and ease in finding and returning items. Clear labeling and consistency in where items are stored can help reduce frustration and conflict.

Optimal Home Environment • Minimize high-stress areas • Identify and modify areas in the home where conflicts frequently occur, aiming to reduce triggers. This may involve rearranging spaces to avoid cramped conditions or creating clearer divisions between activity areas.

• Keep the living space orderly and minimize clutter to reduce sensory overload and distractions, supporting calmness.

• Safety and adaptability • Regularly assess the home for safety, ensuring that furniture and home setups do not pose risks and are adaptable to the child’s changing needs.

Are routines established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? In the Classroom: Elementary Examples

High School Examples

• Ensure activities follow a predictable sequence.

• Explicitly teach and practice routines for daily activities.

• Acknowledge and reward students who follow these routines and procedures – encourage collaboration!

• Encourage students to manage their schedules and follow established routines with more autonomy.

• Implement structured routines for each class period, including a warm-up activity, review of previous lessons, introduction of new material, and a summary or wrapup activity.

Routines At Home

• Consistent and structured daily routine for wakeup times, meals, homework, play, and bedtime.

• Teach and practice home routines with your child. Clearly outline the steps involved in each task and practice them together.

• Acknowledge and reward your child when they follow these routines.

• Consider what is developmentally appropriate!

• Younger children: Focus on simple, visual schedules.

• Older children and adolescents: Have them create their schedules and manage their responsibilities. Discuss and collaborate routines together, such as homework times and household chores, ensuring they are realistic and mutually agreed upon.

Avoid • Minimizing the need for structure • Assuming kids will instinctively know the expectations and naturally adapt to meet those expectations without clear guidance.

• Failing to use visual cues • Neglecting to provide feedback on their adherence to routines • Failing to recognize and celebrate successes • Inconsistent enforcement of rules and routines

Connections to Positive Activities & Organizations

Sports & Physical Exercise

Music

Volunteering

Clubs or after school jobs

Consistent routines & lesson structure

Talk less

Clear expectations

Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

Revisit and reinforce expectations

Things to look forward to through the day!

Structured tasks & teaching

Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules

One predictable detail at a time

Visual schedules and time organizers

Minimize distractions

Individualized checklists for task completion

Helpful • Engaging (interests)

• Clear expectations

• Immediate consequences

• Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

• Frequent feedback

• Things to look forward to through the day!

• Personally important or relevant

• Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

• Early

• One predictable detail at a time

• Supervised

• Minimize distractions

• 1:1 • Structured • Clear expectations and jobs • Close to needed materials • Quiet/low arousal • Choices • Consistent routines & lesson structure

• Talk less • Revisit and reinforce expectations • Structured tasks & teaching • Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules • Visual schedules and time organizers • Individualized checklists for task completion

Not so helpful

Boring tasks Delayed consequences Infrequent feedback Low importance tasks Late in the day Unsupervised settings Group situations Unstructured activities Uncertainty Need to search for materials Loud/high arousal environments Excessive multitasking requirements Overloaded sensory stimuli without a relevant educational focus Sudden changes in schedule or expectations without preparation Overemphasis on competition rather than cooperation Poor relationships with peers Poor relationships with teachers

• Have students with similar needs meet

Individualized Needs

• At the start of the week, discuss • Successes • How to set them up for success • At the end of the week, • Review their successes • What they have to do over the weekend.

• Attached meaning + value + support and care to boost confidence and engagement

Types of Reinforcement Verbal praise Social or activity

• Be specific with what they did!

• Thank you for cleaning up right away. That really helps the class and now we have time to go to recess early!

• Choice of people, activities (can be to escape too!)

• Logical & pair with verbal

Tangible

• Object or food • Temporary or permanent • Logical & pair with verbal

Token

• Sticker, coupon, marble & back-up • Logical & pair with verbal • Manageable

Reward ideas Homework pass

Pass from a class or task

Store (e.g., pencils or erasers)

Lunch with the teacher

Bring a friend from another class

Free time in class or extra recess

Choose a seat for the day

Positive call home

Keep class mascot

Front of line pass

Clasroom coupons for privileges

Dance party

Treasure box

Movie

Bonus point

Talent show

Music choice

Late pass

Science experiment

Extra computer

Class leader

Teacher chair

Podcast

Scavenger hunt

Teacher dress up

8 Forces of Motivation Gregariousness

Inquisitiveness

Power

Affiliation

• Need to belong

• Need to know

• Need for control

• Need to associate and belong

Autonomy

Aggression

Recognition

• Need for independence

• Need to assert

• Need for acknowledgement

Conduct a Praise Assessment!

• How do you like receiving praise? How do you hate receiving praise?

• Create a developmentally appropriate assessment form with a menu of lots of feasible options • Praise students based on their preferences • Reflect and adjust!

Boosting Motivation  Choices & anything to foster independence and responsibility  Incorporating child preferences  Positive before anything corrective  Positive attitude  Statements of self-efficacy and encouragement  Reward for practicing  Positive before negative  Mix low appealing tasks with high appealing  Breaks between tasks  Relaxation  Exercise/movement  Music  Humour  Interacting with peers

Keeping Children Safe

In a Wounding World a fresh and surprising approach

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Clinical & Developmental Psychologist Founder of the Neufeld Institute Vancouver, Canada

A JACK HIROSE SEMINAR

Healing & Trea,ng Trauma Wounds Edmonton, Alberta December 4, 2024

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

The handout is intended for registered par?cipants of this seminar only.

Please do notduplicate this document without permission.For more informa?on regarding the Neufeld Ins?tute or Dr. Neufeld and his work, please consult the website.

www. neufeldins,tute.org

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Keeping Children Safe

In a Wounding World a fresh and surprising approach

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Developmental & Clinical Psychologist Founder of the Neufeld Institute

More Wounding in today’s world less empathy more bullying

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

more social interac-on less scrip-ng & supervision

1

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

The Impact of Wounding - a loss of tender feeling -

• increased restlessness

• loss of felt care and fulfillment

• increased boredom

• loss of emergent energy and vitality

• STUCKNESS both emoIonally and developmentally • LOSS of WELL-BEING (ie, mental health)

Some Hard Evidence of Increased Wounding • more alarmed – children’s general anxiety is five to eight times more than in the 1950’s and more than London children in the second world war • more depressed – with similar increase to anxiety over the last 70 years • more suicidal – with the suicide rate for children under age 15 having quadrupled since the 1950’s

INSIDIOUS IMPACT OF WOUNDING more predisposed to ALARM problems of all kinds

more likely to WOUND others

more likely to have SUICIDAL inclina-ons

more likely to manifest an AGGRESSION problem more IMPULSIVE and emo-onally immature

increased BOREDOM

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

more DRUG and addic-on problems

2

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

the CRUSADES

n trai thy

i ng

• val pa ue ed • em uca3 • social-emo3onal l on ia c o s o r learning • p grams • an g in 3- b u in a pro tr crusa llying i3vity des ipline • sens • discoaches r p • zero-tolerance • an3-discrimina3o ap n programs campaigns

The Impact of Wounding - a loss of tender feeling -

• increased restlessness

• loss of felt care and fulfillment

• increased boredom

• loss of emergent energy and vitality

• STUCKNESS both emoIonally and developmentally • LOSS of WELL-BEING (ie, mental health) • LOSS of EMPATHY or the FAILURE to DEVELOP it

WOUNDING

LOSS OF FEELING

MORE WOUNDING

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

LOSS OF WELL-BEING • AGGRESSION • STUCKNESS • BULLYING • FIXES & FIXATIONS • ALARM PROBLEMS LESS EMPATHY • SUICIDE • BOREDOM • DEPRESSION • RESTLESSNESS • IMPULSIVENESS

3

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

HOW EMPATHY DEVELOPS SPONTANEOUSLY IF CONDITIONS ARE CONDUCIVE

a natural feeling of aMachment that is spontaneous but can also be lost due to wounding

full of tender feeling and caring play

provides the impetus, context & purpose gives empathy its mo3va3onal

core

EMPATHY gives empathy its effec'veness a capacity developed through feeling conflicted, with caring the primary cause of the inner conflict a fruit of integraIve funcIoning – the final process of development

Caring is the core of all developed virtues

the CRUSADES

i ng ai n y tr h t • val pa ue ed • em uca3 • social-emo3onal l on ia c o s learning • programs • an 3- b u ining a pro r t y crusa llying i3vit des ipline • sens • discoaches r • zero-tolerance • an3-discrimina3o app n programs campaigns

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

4

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

WOUNDING - consequence based discipline - peer orienta'on • social media • aMachment polarizaIon

LOSS OF FEELING drugs and Medication

MORE WOUNDING

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

LOSS OF WELL-BEING • AGGRESSION • STUCKNESS • BULLYING • FIXES & FIXATIONS • ALARM PROBLEMS LESS • SUICIDE EMPATHY • BOREDOM • DEPRESSION • RESTLESSNESS • IMPULSIVENESS

PEER ORIENTATION is a hidden but escalating epidemic rendering our children deeply & profoundly wounded

PEER ORIENTATION

Children taking their cues from each other as to how to act, what to do, how to talk, what to wear, how to express oneself, what is valued, what is expected, what is right and what is wrong

The compe-ng nature of most peer aTachments today (ie, can’t be close to both peers and adults simultaneously) pulls children out of orbit from around the adults responsible for them.

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

5

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

peer orientation REsults in More Wounding less empathy

more social interac-on

more bullying

less scrip-ng & supervision

The more peers maTer, the more severe the wounding.

positive polarity seeks to be with makes contact endears looks up to aTends & listens to imitates & emulates possesses is loyal to holds dear aTempts to find favour makes things work for seeks to maTer to seeks to please befriends loves shares secrets with or keeps the secrets of

negative polarity shies away from resists contact alienates looks down upon ignores & disregards mocks & mimics disowns opposes & betrays holds in contempt ridicules and derides spoils things for discounts as not maTering annoys and irritates eschews loathes keeps secrets from or creates secrets about

THE INSIDIOUS IMPACT OF PEER ORIENTATION • more wounding interacIon

• less recovery of feelings

• more restlessness and boredom

• less feeling cared for & cared about

• more alarm, frustraIon and relentless pursuit

• less emoIonal well-being and corresponding mental health

• more emoIonal & developmental stuckness

• less integraIon into parents’ culture

• less recepIve to being parented and taught with parents robbed of the ability to be the answers to their children

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

6

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

THE INSIDIOUS IMPACT OF PEER ORIENTATION • more wounding interacIon

• less recovery of feelings

• more restlessness and boredom

• less feeling cared for & cared about

• more alarm, frustraIon and relentless pursuit

• less emoIonal well-being and corresponding mental health

• more emoIonal & developmental stuckness

• less integraIon into parents’ culture

• less recepIve to being parented and taught with parents robbed of the ability to be the answers to their children

attaching to

PARENTS

and other adults responsible for the child

emergence into

PERSONHOOD

able to relate to

PEERS

without loss of individuality or loss of adult attachment

Preventing or reversing

PEER ORIENTATION

is the single most important challenge for parenting in a wounding world

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

7

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

the CRUSADES

n trai thy

i ng

• val pa ue ed • em uca3 • social-emo3onal l on ia c o s o r learning • p grams • an g in 3- b u in a pro tr crusa llying i3vity des ipline • sens • discoaches r p • zero-tolerance • an3-discrimina3o ap n programs campaigns

PART II

How can we provide safety and reverse the loss of feeling

In a Wounding World

the CRUSADES

i ng ai n y tr h t • val pa ue ed • em uca3 • social-emo3onal l on ia c o s learning • programs • an 3- b u ining a pro r t y crusa llying i3vit des ipline • sens • discoaches r • zero-tolerance • an3-discrimina3o app n programs campaigns

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

8

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

THREAT – an evolution in understanding

threat is to

SURVIVAL SAFETY is freedom from threats to survival

STRESS

itself is the threat

SEPARATION is the threat

SAFETY is freedom from stress and distressing events

THREAT – an evolution in understanding

threat is to

SURVIVAL SAFETY is freedom from threats to survival

STRESS

itself is the threat

SAFETY is freedom from stress and distressing events

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

SEPARATION is the threat

SAFETY is freedom from threats to togetherness

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Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

of .. lacknging losing face with . can’t NEGLECTED . be w o l .. be ith ... ct by cIon ne reje

n not important to ... tood co n’t feel rs a ing c fe unlo de facing eli not ma ved ng Merin un b DEATH y t dif ... g to . fe .. no re

d by ... not recognize

n

t isola tion ging elon b t no

y ... ced b repla ed

loneliness nt d i sc th oun reats to identity l to ... wa ia c e t p ted n ot s no by . n .. old o B E T R A .

YED can’t hn apart ..

Y B O whe ON T HELD NOT LIKED BY ... separateness NOT

How can we deliver some freedom from threats to togetherness in a world where facing separation is inevitable & inescapable?

Where the helper can be ANYONE but preferably a caring adult to whom the child or adult is aTached or will aTach

helper

PROVIDING SAFETY IN A WOUNDING WORLD

P HI NS

PL

AY

RE

O TI LA

- parent - grandparent - rela-ve - teacher - coach - expert - counsellor - therapist - caregiver - case worker - volunteer

Providing SHIELDING & SANCTUARY in a wounding world

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

10

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Facing togetherness – and the resulting sense of safety is a function of right relationship

ADULT

less empathy

more social interac-on

more bullying

less scrip-ng & supervision

CHILD

ADULT

less empathy

We must HAVE their hearts before we can protect their hearts

more social interac-on less scrip-ng & supervision

more bullying

CHILD

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

11

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

ADULT

We must MATTER MORE than those who are wounding the child

less empathy

more social interac-on less scrip-ng & supervision

more bullying

CHILD

BRIDGING – turning the face from separaIon to togetherness

Bridging bedIme, problrem behavoiur, differences, all threats to togetherness CollecIng aMenIon before direcIng it ,

SPACE FREE :

ADULT

T R U teaching S T problemsolving I N screens & distractions G wounding

CHILD

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

FREE D SPACE : E P be upset E N D feel sad E N C E

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Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

ENCOUNTERS WITH FUTILITY

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

ST AL RE EW N RE Y VER O C E R RESILIENCE

HELP THAT IS

HELPFUL!!

• keeping or restoring perspective • right thinking / being positive • pursuing happiness • resisting the ‘let-down’ • acquiring the ‘skills’ of resilience • pursuing calmness & tranquility

Through a child’s attachment to us, we can BE their ANSWER even when we cannot make their world less wounding: • BE their HOME

• BE their place of REST • BE their sanctuary of SAFETY • BE their SHIELD in a wounding world • BE their REASON for holding on The answer is in BEING - not in DOING or SAYING or KNOWING the right things – when empowered by their attachments to us.

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

13

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

l rea

PLAY

for

NO T

T NO

wo rk

The brain in the PLAY mode is SAFE from registering threats to togetherness

expressive

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

14

Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

begins, protects & unfolds

curiosity primes & protects

engages & op3mizes

PLAY

crea'vity

makes it SAFE to feel & express

Play is SAFE so feelings won’t get hurt

WORDS or their lack do not get in the way

Emo-ons are NOT AT WORK, so the normal inhibi-on of feelings is reversed Emo-ons are freer to MOVE and so more likely to be felt and iden-fied

Emo-ons are much EASIER to FEEL when one step removed from real life Sadness becomes SWEET enough to be engaging

How play recovers feeling and softens the heart

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Change or control the WOUNDED

Providing and in a wounding world

Change or control the SITUATION

Change or control the WOUNDED

Change or control the WOUNDERS

Change or control their RELATIONSHIP

Providing and in a wounding world

embed in caring adult aMachments

Change or control the WOUNDERS embed in caring adult aMachments

matchmake for caring

assume responsibility to keep out of harm’s way

WOUNDERS need to maMer less

Change or control the SITUATION

Change or control the WOUNDED

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Change or control their RELATIONSHIP

Providing and in a wounding world

embed in caring adult aMachments l -ona Emo rounds g y a Pl

assume responsibility to keep out of harm’s way Change or control the SITUATION

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

Change or control the WOUNDERS embed in caring adult aMachments al -on s Emoground Play

matchmake for caring WOUNDERS need to maMer less

Change or control their RELATIONSHIP

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Wounding World - Dr Gordon Neufeld

Tilting at a wounding world

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

providing vs SHIELDING & SANCTUARY

- crusades against bullying, meanness, discriminaIon, violence, insensiIvity, injusIce, intolerance - prosocial programs aimed at children being nice and kind - discipline approaches aimed at teaching a lesson, socializa-on approaches aimed at declaring hur`ul interacIon unacceptable, and legal approaches punishing the violators - skill-based programs aMempIng to teach empathy, self-control, emoIonal literacy, graItude, etc

via RELATIONSHIPS with CARING ADULTS ... cul3va3ng safe rela3onships between children and caring adults where emo3onal armour is not required

via EMOTIONAL PLAYGROUNDS ... seBng the stage for engaging in emo3onal playgrounds so that feelings can bounce back

- value-based programs aiming at insIlling prosocial values

Tilting at a wounding world

providing SHIELDING & SANCTUARY

tends to be more DIRECT and SYMPTOM-focused

INDIRECT and DEVELOPMENTAL in nature

focused on BEHAVIOUR as the deriva3ve of learning, thinking, skills or values

focused on FEELINGS as key to emo3onal health & well-being and driving matura3on & behaviour

PROGRAM or ROLE based as the context for involvement

RELATIONAL-BASED as the context for involvement

primarily SOCIAL in nature, focusing on the interac3on BETWEEN children

HIERARCHICAL in nature with adults bearing responsibility for the children in their care

employs the WORK drive to get desired outcomes

engages the PLAY drive to effect deep transforma3ve change

STRATEGY & SCRIPT based, assuming transferability

INSIGHT-based un3l suppor3ng rituals and rou3nes are established

Keeping Children Safe

In a Wounding World

Providing

&

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Developmental & Clinical Psychologist Founder of the Neufeld Institute

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Nurturing Resilience Empowering Children to Thrive through Challenges

Dr. Caroline Buzanko caroline@korupsychology.ca

Emotional Disorders are on the Rise…

Anxiety is the most common mental health problem in kids K-12 2

3

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Withdraw Give up

Vindictive

Tantrum/ emotional meltdown

Low resilience

Defiance

DON’T see themselves as capable and do avoid, give up, or lash out

Stress shuts down the prefrontal cortex

Anger outburst

Aggression

Anxiety

Resentment

Amygdala kicks in and becomes a stop sign for • Attention • Impulse control • Emotion regulation • Rational thinking • Information • Learning

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Resilience activates the prefrontal cortex

• Amygdala calms down • Physiological response to stress starts to reverse • Capacity to recover, adapt, and grow from stress increases

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Resilience and the Brain When resilient, stress and adversity changes our brain to make us • Faster • Stronger • More alert • More competent • More successful

Our Kids are Stressed (and not very resilient)

Two Major Contributors

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Major Psychological Risk Factor

Loneliness Poor School performance

Self-esteem

• Impairs resilience • Contributes to everything we worry about as parents

Screen time

Disordered eating

Withdrawal

Anxiety

Suicidal planning

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Depression

Suicidal ideation

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Pressure and expectations

Violent Images

HIGH LEVELS OF DISTRESS

DISORIENTATION

The Brain Cannot Tell the Difference!

FAULTY INFORMATIONPROCESSING

• Weaken kids’ ability to manage emotions • Contributes to anxiety

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Over time high levels of cortisol…

CARDIOVASCULAR PROBLEMS

LOWERED IMMUNE SYSTEM

PERMANENTLY CHANGES THE BRAIN & POOR STRESS REGULATION

Poor self-regulation because resources used up • Poor emotion regulation • Increased emotional reactivity • Proactive aggression • Anti-social behaviours

Screens take away from real-life activities that are important for • Development • Developing talents • Building confidence • Generating a sense of accomplishment

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Overreliance on technology for play • Limits creativity and imagination.

• Restricts physical challenges necessary for sensory and motor development.

Disrupts Critical Factors for Healthy Development

Delayed Developmental Milestones • Sedentary lifestyle and chaotic sensory stimulation impact basic foundation skills for literacy.

• Increasing issues with self-regulation, attention, and behaviour management.

Biological Mismatch • Sensory, motor, and attachment systems are not adapted to today’s sedentary, high-tech environment.

• Rise in physical, psychological, and behavioural disorders.

Physical & Mental Health Epidemics • Child obesity, diabetes, ADHD, autism, anxiety, and sleep disorders.

Sensory Imbalance & Neurological Impact • Under-stimulation Vestibular, proprioceptive, tactile, and attachment systems.

• Over-stimulation: Visual and auditory systems lead to neurological alterations and stress responses.

Affects social development & social health

• Decreased skill development • Initiating and sustaining conversations/interactions • Sharing, negotiating, compromising • Social coping • Conflict resolution • Self-control • Over reactive • Miscommunicate • Accountability & integrity

Social development & health • Increased screen time corelated with: • Diminished empathy • Reduced capacity to accurately read facial cues • Increased selfcenteredness

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Gaming & Socialization • Low stakes socialization • Behave differently • No opportunities to learn and practice social skills • Interactions lack depth & emotional connection • Relationships lack authenticity and support • Increases social anxiety

Digital Immigrants vs. Digital Natives No issue big enough to risk being disconnected 20

• Doubly problematic before bed: Screens impair sleep • Sleep efficiency • Sleep duration • Negative sleep patterns • Perceived lack of rest • Sleep disorders

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Affects

SLEEP!!!

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Obesity

Cardiovascular disease

High blood pressure

Low healthy cortisol

Adverse metabolic profiles

Poor fitness

Osteoporosis

Diabetes

Breast cancer

Impaired vision

Disrupted Attachment

Family is the most important relationship for bonding and overall development.

Reduced psychosocial functioning

Important for discovering: • Self • Values • Personality • World

No exceptions:

ALL screen time is linked to less happiness.

• More screen time = • School struggles • Loneliness • Depression • Suicidal thinking

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Adult emotion-related behaviours Supportive Safe environment Encouragement Validates Perspective taking Own emotion regulation

Unsupportive Criticizing Minimizing Punishing Own emotion dysregulation

Child emotion dysregulation

Adaptive child emotion outcomes

Second: Adult Traps

Overly selfcritical models

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Fixing

Persuading and pushing

Punishing

Directing

Over-Nagging and Unrealistic Demands • We place more demands on children than adults • Constant correction and nagging can erode relationships and discourage autonomy • Would we treat our coworkers or friends the same way?

Unhelpful Interactions can Create Loneliness • Adding stress • Failing to meet their needs • Unwittingly responding in punishing ways, even when trying to be supportive

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Ask leading questions Answer their questions

* Impairs healthy independence * Inhibits resilience

Don’t take the time to listen

* Disrupts their emotion regulation * Worsens anxiety * Contributes to emotional exhaustion * Can lead to aggressive behaviour

Even trying to make them feel better when they’re hard on themself

* Increases risk of substance abuse and risky behaviours AND, goes against how the brain and body work, we need to learn to understand these signals!

Unsolicited Support • Swooping in can: • Undermine the equity in the relationship • Create a sense of obligation • Independence and self-esteem threatened • Feel invalidating • Seem unsympathetic • Shut down communication

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Our best intentions to make them feel better often works against us

• We minimize or negate their feelings • We excuse away their feelings • Kids may believe we don’t want to hear how they feel • We might send the message we know best • Or worse that others understand their feelings better • The benefit from our hindsight is lost • We disrupt our connection with kids when we share advice or opinions • And we stunt resilience by telling them they are wrong about their experiences (instils self-doubt)

Unhelpful Interactions can Create Loneliness

• Adding stress • Failing to meet their needs • Unwittingly responding in punishing ways, even when trying to be supportive

Minimizing

Saying “Don’t worry” doesn’t work

Get stuck in constant need for reassurance No skills developed Again creating self-doubt 36

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Brain in high stress state = amygdala kicks in and becomes a stop sign for information and any rational thinking

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SEL Risks

• Burden on individual students to "fit in" or selfregulate • Risk of emotional overload & exacerbate problems • Teachers not equipped to handle emotions that do come up • Relies heavily on teacher’s own social-emotional skills • Limited real-world application • Minimal activation of stress responses • Risk of “knowledge-behavior gap” • Inadequate development of adaptive coping strategies • Inability to foster autonomy and problem-solving • Potential over-reliance on adult guidance • Limited opportunity to develop grit and • Perseverance • Emotional disconnect from real-world stakes 38

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Enabling Accommodations

Accommodations worsens anxiety long-term

Accommodation Accommodation

Accommodation

Anxiety more impairing and severe with poorer treatment outcomes

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Accommodation Behaviours Participation

• Assist in checking behaviours • Assist in avoidance • Reassure

Modification

• Prevent anxiety provoking situations 42

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Speaking for the student

Allowing students to be excused

Ensuring predictability

Avoiding outings

Sitting out of anxiety provoking situations (e.g., gym)

Only having one substitute

Participating in rituals

Not throwing away unnecessary items

Not opening windows

Rigid routines

Seeing school nurse unnecessarily

Leaving lights on

Checking homework

Accompanying the child to certain parts of the school

Distraction

Adjusting routines

Alternate place for lunch

Fixed schedules

Pre-warnings and Transition warnings

Stress balls

Accommodations are reactive. They take away kids’ ability to self-soothe and problem solve.

Avoid anxiety situations Adjusting routines Allow them to be excused; slow-re-entry Distract them or stop thoughts Alternative place for lunch Fixed schedules and transition warning Stress balls Minimize anxious feelings Breaks/office visits

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Parents play a critical in how kids see themselves Interacting in ways that make them feel judged, labelled (e.g., lazy or unmotivated), contingent, stifles communication and connection

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Deprived Kids Freedom

Critical for developing:

Unsupervised play Responsibility

• Resilience • Competence • Confidence • Maturity • Mental health

Opportunities for risk-taking

Traps Controlling

Saving them from failure

Doing things for them Eliminating risks

Ensuring Predictability & Lots of Forewarning Sheltering them from reality and stress

Resilience Kids develop patterns of behaviour/ways to respond to stress and other emotions depending on whether they believe they can manage.

And when they don’t think they can manage….

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Anxiety-Based Schemas The world is a scary place and I am vulnerable

Avoid traps Adults jumping in harms kids: • Changes brain development & ingrains emotional challenges • Makes kids vulnerable: Confidence and resilience stunted • No opportunities to experience manageable amounts of stress • No opportunities to learn that they can handle it

What are you doing for kids that they can do for themselves?

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Developing a personal action plan What traps do I need to get out of ?

How can I improve my approach for effective communication?

What can I do proactively ?

Resilient kids  Effectively respond to and cope with everyday challenges+

What can I start letting students do on their own?

How can I encourage students to take risks?

Interest in Effective Asks for help school problem when needed solver Independent

Positive outlook

Assertive

High resilience Take initiative

Realistic ResponsibleEmpathetic and trustworthy

To cope

To get things done

To persist on a hard task

To find solutions to a problem

To work through a friendship fire

To work through any challenge

To master a new skill (even if hard)

To take risks (helps them to learn)

For success

THEY SEE THEMSELVES AS CAPABLE!

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Resilience Ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.

Resilience is Becoming Our Best Selves Thriving despite adversity

Antifragility Growing stronger • Learn from challenges • Become better equipped

Nature over nurture: Resilience depends more on what we receive than what we have

DR . MIC HAEL U NGAR

drcarolinebuzanko.com

 Resilience is not an individual trait or quality  Goes beyond individual grittiness  It’s relational

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Resilience Depends on Context!

Shaped by Numerous Factors

Child Factors • Self-regulation, coping, & healthy thinking • Social skills

Family Factors • Relationships and connectedness • Parenting skills

Community Factors • Positive peer interactions & school relationships • Healthy risk taking

Societal Factors • Social and cultural values • Political and economic conditions • Legislation

Key Ingredients External Resources Internal resources/ competence

Risk or adversity

Opportunity

Resilience

Resilience is a Dynamic Process •We do best when our environment supports us!

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What is the most important outcome for the child, family, class, school

What protective factors will most contribute to change

What risk factors need to be addressed

Identify & Minimize Risk Factors School Environment 

Bullying, peer relationships, decision-making.

Home/Community Environment • Poverty, family separation, lack of safety.

Increased Mental Health Challenges • Stress contributing to anxiety and depression.

Bullying

Enhance existing protective factors

• Strengthen relationships – attachment and networks

Introduce new protective factors

• Strengthen relationships – improve communication • Emotion regulation

Provide resources and experiences for resilience

• Educate • Opportunities for independence & autonomy

Build individual attributes

• Opportunities for personal challenge – problem solving and critical thinking • Build relationships – social skills

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What resources exist

Help Kids Navigate Resources

• Emergency support; bullying • People • Designated resource station(s) • Basic supplies, FAQs, calendar of dates • Academic support, learning resources, technology access • Supportive learning • Reading & learning centers, study ais, flexible seating, collaborative learning stations, social-emotional resources

Rare for none available; just need to know they are there

Make resources available How to access resources • Set up support • Mini-orientations • How to sheets

Support Skill building • Self-advocacy, problem-solving, goal-setting, flexible thinking

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Board Members Name

School issues

Mr. Frank

X

Friend issues

Parent issues

X

X

Sibling issues

Getting in Emotional trouble

Dr. Simms Susan

X X

Mom Jeff Brendan Marie

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

Health

Mentorship

X

X X X

X

Help Kids Negotiate: Tailor to their needs Listen!

Clear and respectful communication Collaborate together (builds motivation) • What resources and supports they want • Group support • Individual • Supports given in meaningful ways

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What I need from you

ADULT ROLE: FINDING BALANCE

• Support without taking over

Stable, successful environments

• Be a catalyst • Get them going, build momentum, and then step away

Adult co-regulation and emotion control Opportunities for autonomy 68

Model Resilience •

Taking risks and making mistakes o

• • • • • • • • •

What you learned

Working through challenges and stress Skills Auditing behaviour Apologizing & forgiving Accountability Eliminate negativity in interactions Effort over outcome Adaptive coping Verbalizing feelings, using “Too Index” (TOO tired, TOO stressed, TOO withdrawn) as a red flag to seek support – kids love to help!

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Key Protective Resources for Resilience Structure Accountability Supportive relationships Powerful identities Experiences of control Fair treatment Culture Basic needs

Resilience Needs: Structure • Daily agenda, visual schedule • Consistent classroom routines

Routines, schedules, deadlines, and expectations Stable foundations Buffers external chaos Supports predictability

• • • •

Entering the classroom Starting activities Transitioning between tasks Closing

• Set deadlines and manageable time blocks for activities • Small timed segments keep students engaged and accountable without overwhelm

• Clearly stated expectations for behaviour and academics

Promotes creativity within safe boundaries

• Post where they are visible • And refer to them regularly

Key Protective Resources for Resilience

Resilience Needs: Accountability (Through Clear expectations)

Teaches Accountability and Self-Regulation

Develops ProblemSolving and Adaptability Skills

• Learn their actions have effects • Knowing the outcomes of their choices helps them learn to regulate their actions and make more thoughtful choices.

• Builds confidence and prepares them to handle more complex challenges as they grow.

• Understanding limits helps them learn to find solutions that work within those boundaries.

• Develops adaptability as students learn to navigate obstacles and adjust their behavior in constructive ways.

Promotes Security and Predictability • Know what is expected of them and the limits within which they can explore, experiment, and even make mistakes.

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Teach accountability • Directly connects their actions to outcomes, emphasizing personal responsibility.

• Begin to understand that actions have intrinsic consequences Focus on their long-term best interests

Resilience Needs: Accountability (Through Clear Consequences that)

• Support students’ long-term development • Encourage adaptive behaviors vs. punishment Logical and reasonable • More likely to accept them and reflect on their actions, reinforcing accountability Ensure discomfort is proportionate to the problem • Discomfort teaches resilience by allowing students to experience the real-world impact of their choices.

• Must be balanced - enough to prompt reflection and growth without overwhelm or discouragement

Resilience needs: Supportive Relationships Key Protective Resources for Resilience

Key Resource: Relationships Intimate and sustaining relationships

• Kids need nurturing!

• Even one person who loves them unconditionally they know they can go to for support • Social networks prevent isolation, apathy and frustration

Lots of other relationships

• Having a tribe where they feel needed • Networks of relationships in different areas of life • Larger # and more diverse helpful • Passionate, supportive teacher

Safety and support

• Across contexts • Feeling cared for • Feeling safe

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Connection •

Fundamental priority

•

Physiologically constantly seeking connection

•

Critical for self-regulation

Multiple adults at school need to be part of their fan club

Supportive Peer Group: You have a lot of power!

• Eliminate peer bias • Create webs of connection • Never have I ever musical chairs.

• Show & Tell • Teach another student something they know, share a book they read, or explain a favourite hobby.

• Fun Friend Friday (Rotating) • Work on a fun activity together • Discuss one new thing they learned about each other • Share what they enjoyed about working with each other

Create Connection through contributions • Resilient kids feel like they have valuable things they can contribute • Find ways they can support others • Brainstorm ideas in small groups how to support peers/other classes • Acknowledge peer and teacher birthdays (1:1 responsibility) • Collaborative projects

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Not Feeling Safe…

Where do they run to?

Key Protective Resources for Resilience

Belonging Critical for Survival • Relationships & sense of place • A fundamental human need for connection and acceptance.

• Life has purpose • We matter to others – we are needed/missed •

How do THEY feel belonging in their school relationships?

Needed Befriended

Present

Heard

Invited Belonging

Supported

Welcomed

Involved

Known Accepted

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School Connectedness • Integrate cultural celebrations and traditions • Share cultural traditions, music, or stories, • Involve family and community in the classroom • Encourage participation in extracurriculars at school

Resilience in Colombia’s Most Violent Area







Principal maintained safe, supportive school environment despite violence.

Daily connection with students provided a sense of belonging and security.

Personal interaction gave students an identity and sense of control.

Belonging is Critical for Identity Development Identity and self-concept are co-created!

• Strong sense of belonging fosters security and self-worth • Self-evaluation is based on their experiences and others’ appraisals • What are the consistent, repeated cues they receive over time?

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Resilience Needs: Powerful Identities • See themselves as powerful and respected • Feel they have something to offer the world • Create opportunities for kids to know themselves in better ways • Give them space and opportunities to express strengths and demonstrate them to others

Powerful Identities

• Strength of the Week • Each week a student can share a skill or interest • Identity mapping/islands of competence • What am I proud of ? What kind of person do I want to be?

• Passion projects • Personal mission statements • Student-led conferences • Goal-setting conference to lead discussions on progress, challenges, future goals • Student-led skill-building workshops • Share your Superpower Session • Weekly discussion • You Matter wall • Students post all achievements to receive positive notes

Identity & Self-Worth through Contribution & Control

Important jobs – they can add value & Genuine decision making – control!

They can influence outcomes!

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Ideas Decorate/Set-up the class Discussion leaders Make class decisions & norms Make school decisions Plan school events (and even holiday concerts) Evaluate programs & activities • Focus groups (6+) • Written surveys (9+) • Brainstorm ideas for improvement

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Pros

Opportunities to Make Their Own Decisions

Cons

• Decision Making Worksheets • Think of a decision they need to make • Brainstorm options • Write pros/cons for the top three options they are considering & how they feel about that decision

Who we work with

Environment!

Our work is valuable

•Contribution • Recognition

Satisfying Work

Contribution

Help Students see they have something valuable to offer the world

Connection Powerful identity Empathy Self-awareness Belonging

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Key Qualities for Resilience

COMMUNICATION SKILLS

CRITICAL THINKING

PROBLEM SOLVING

Resilience Needs Self-Esteem

EMPATHY

MOTIVATION AND PERSEVERANCE

SELF-ESTEEM

COMPETENCE & CONFIDENCE

Competence & Confidence •Need to feel they can handle things themselves!

When kids avoid things they don’t feel comfortable with, they lose the chance to practice and grow

Impairs self-esteem

MUST move past comfort zones

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Create Opportunities: Stress Inoculation CHOOSING ANOTHER WAY TO GIVING UP

Resilient kids Effectively respond to and cope with everyday challenges This is where we are going!

Effective Coaches Coaches avoid traps: • Reassuring • Answering questions • Reviewing the schedule • Answering every phone call or text message • Checking things

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Emotion coach Coaches validate & then ask openended questions.

• What do you need?

• What do you need to do next?

• What are you going to do?

• How are you going to figure that out?

Kids need to figure out their own challenges: Put it back to them!

Confidence

Validation

Effective Response

Make a prediction of how hard it will be. How proud you will be when it’s done.

I know you can figure it out. Go brainstorm with _______ and make a plan. Come back and tell me your plan.

I look forward to hearing the helpful things you will say to yourself as this gets hard.

What are other ways to deal with this problem?

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Get Meta!

Cue (vs. prompt)  What do you need to do?  What do you need?  How do you know what you need?  Where will you work?  When will you start?  How will you get started?  How do you know where to start?  What strategies will you use?  What did you do to be successful in the past?  How will you know if your plan is not working?  What will you do if your plan is not working?  How will know when you are done?  How will you keep going if it gets hard? If you are tired?  What will this look like?  How long will it take?  How long did it take before?  How hard to you predict this will be?

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Get Them Thinking After too • What was the goal? How did I achieve this?

• What was the best part?

• What was the hardest part?

•

• How did I get through the hard part?

• Where did I start? How did I get started?

• How did I do that?

• How did I know how to do that?

• What strategies did I use?

• What was helpful? Unhelpful?

• How do I know?

• What strategies will I use next time?

• How long did it take?

• What would I do the same way? Differently?

• Did this meet my prediction of difficulty?

Antifragility: Growing Stronger from Challenges

We grow stronger stronger under pressure.

In strength training, muscles grow when they’re exposed to challenges – more than what they’re used to

If students aren’t challenged, their resilience “muscle” doesn’t grow.

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CHALLENGE BOARD • Choose tasks • Track progress – the harder the task, the further they go!

Doing something brave and difficult is more important than the outcome

Risk-takers advantage

Experience to cope with challenges – realize they CAN manage and have the capacity to succeed

Opportunities: Use Real Challenges!

Challenges are part of life. Dealing with them is part of learning.  Use teachable moments  Solve their own problems  Figure things out on their own  Take accountability  Understand other’s perspectives  See the consequences of their behaviours  Work through next steps and how to fix things  Let them fail (don’t set them up though)

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Challenging Kids Creates Opportunities for Independence

Create challenges!

• Challenge of the day, week, or month • Challenging puzzles • Riddles • MUST work through things on their own - NO helping!

• Might get frustrated in the moment but the intrinsic reward once solved is far greater than if helped

Opportunities for Independence • Give more responsibility • Give kids the chance to do, think, and make on their own • Get ready to go home • Check their homework • Solve conflicts • Make their own friends • Fix mistakes • Solve problems • Students to come to you with concerns • Assert their needs (set up opportunities) • IPP goals • Teach kids to be comfortable in the world

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Opportunities for Independence • Decision making • They need to know you support and trust them!

• Collaboratively discuss consequences • Experiment: What might happen if we...

• Show decision-making process to lead to consequences

Resilience Needs: Communication skills (Self-Advocacy!)

Express themselves & articulate problems before they escalate

Important for conflict resolution, effective coping etc.

Expressing Feelings Adaptively • Kids need to: Know all feelings are ok and important Know why they need to label feelings  To make sense of them  How they guide us Label feelings effectively Be comfortable talking about feelings Know that their feelings matter Know/figure out what to do next

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Conflict resolution When calm!

Key skills to practice: Understanding other’s perspectives Collaborative problem solving Taking responsibility for actions Structured practice

Asking for help • Some kids think to be strong they need to do things all by themselves • Discuss challenges and hardships and what helped them get through

 Resilient kids know how to seek appropriate support  The key is to allow them to do things they know how to do themselves but offer appropriate support and guidance

Create the Right Environment

• Acknowledge & celebrate asking questions, seeking clarification, asking for help

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Ideas: See Resources!

• Lead by example • Celebrate question-asking with incentives – have a “question of the day” where an insightful or brave question is recognized in some way • Progress Meter - every time they ask for help • Designate a “help desk” or corner to go for one-on-one help • Use “check-in” cards – (green, yellow, red)

Reciprocity ring Easier to ask for help – everyone is!

Initiate helping others on their own Promotes generosity

Promotes contribution

Creates connection

Teach: The Neuropsychology of our Brain ◦ We can change our brain! ◦ Brain networks fix and grow when we learn new skills ◦ Neural bundles DOUBLE with an hour of practice ◦ Rewire our brain through repetition and practice ◦ Whatever is not used, the brain prunes itself

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The Neuropsychology of our Brain ◦ We grow our brain whenever we: ◦ Take on new challenges ◦ THINK we can learn from our mistakes – our brain reacts differently, making it stronger to learn

The Neuropsychology of our Brain ◦ Kids who believed they could fix and learn from mistakes turned on their brain to: ◦ Process the information ◦ Think about their mistakes ◦ Learn how to fix their mistakes

Embracing Mistakes What was this experience like?

What did you learn today?

What mistake did you make that taught you something?

What did you try hard at today?

What can you learn from this?

What will you do the next time you are in this situation?

What advice can you tell others based on this?

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Taking Accountability, & Forging Ahead Talk through mistakes vs. deflect or avoid • Focus on their role to learn, grow, & improve • What did you do?

• What could you do differently?

• What have you learned?

• Avoid getting stuck • No need to ask why, lecture, or explain the problem • Have students think of hows o How will they fix this mistake? o How will they move on? What’s next? o How will they handle _____________?

Celebrate Mistakes • Have a “Mistake of the day” to share a mistake or challenge they faced, how they fixed/handled it, and what they learned • (Most top performers know they haven’t tried hard enough if they haven’t met a certain # mistakes in a day)

NE ED TO KNO W H OW TO H A ND L E T H E U NEX P E CT ED Skills: tolerate uncertainty and think about different options themselves

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Teach: Problem solving No solving problems for them! Kids need to experience discomfort so they can work through it

No lectures or explaining!

Give lots of opportunities to figure out what works and what doesn’t Brainstorm ideas and create a plan

Collaboration

Pros/cons

Break into parts

Good, bad, neutral What would …. do?

Self-talk

• What worked before?

The power of I Don’t Know

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What I know • • • • •

Friend’s name and his mom House Dog I have my own pillow Will watch a movie

What I don’t know • • • • • • • • • • •

Where I will sleep What we will eat What time we will go to bed How dark it will be If the hall light will stay on If we will have snacks What we will do after movie What movie we will watch What time people get up If his brother is annoying If he will fart at night

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My Predictometer says this will happen...

But this is what really happened...

The teacher will be mad if I ask for help on my My teacher was really kind and explained project. everything to me without getting upset.

No one will want to sit with me at lunch.

A few kids asked if I wanted to join them, and we had a fun lunch together!

If I make a mistake during my presentation, everyone will laugh at me.

I made a small mistake, but no one laughed, and the teacher said I did a great job!

I’ll be picked last for the team because I’m not athletic.

I wasn’t picked last, and my team even cheered for me when I tried my best!

The teacher won’t let me go to the bathroom if I ask.

I asked politely, and the teacher let me go right away without any problems.

I’ll get a bad grade on my project because it’s I got a good grade and positive feedback, not perfect. even though it wasn’t perfect!

If I share my ideas in group work, no one will listen to me.

My group listened to my ideas, and we even used some of them in our project!

I’ll be in trouble because I forgot my

The teacher was understanding and gave me

Caroline’s TOP PICK: Get them curious!

Curiosity piques interest and learning • Our brains hunger for information • Learning rewards the brain • Itchy need to know!

Curiosity keeps the self-regulating brain online – secret sauce to emotion regulation and resilience

Predictions!

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Promoting Curiosity Ideas in Bonus!

• Mystery box: Place an interesting object related to the lesson inside a box. Let students feel it without looking and guess what it is. Reveal it later, connecting it to the lesson topic.

• Classroom treasure hunt: Clues are hidden around the room, each leading to a new hint or fact about the day’s lesson.

• Puzzles and riddles: Start the day with a puzzle, riddle, or brain teaser related to the subject matter.

This not only stimulates curiosity but also helps with critical thinking.

• Flip the lesson: Let students become the “teacher” for a topic they’re curious about. They can research it, create materials, and present their findings to the class.

Emotional brain helps us see our errors and make good decisions.

USE THIS BRAIN TO BUILD RESILIENCE

What did someone do today to make you happy?

Prosocial Emotions to Promote: Gratitude

What did you do to make someone else happy?

What have you learned today?

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Gratitude • Gratitude journal, circle, jar, wall • Weekly thank-you notes • Gratitude ABCs • Weekly gratitude buddy • Compliment chain • Acts of kindness bingo

Feelings to Promote:

Interest in Effective Asks for help school problem when needed solver

Independent

Assertive

Pride

Positive outlook

Takes initiative

Realistic ResponsibleEmpathetic and trustworthy

Prosocial Emotion to Promote:

Pride!

Masters of our fate Feeling good through hard task

Instils a love for learning Have fun to boost motivation!

Success

Intrinsic motivation and momentum with tasks

Persistence despite frustration

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Finishing something hard = wonderful feelings to capitalize on.

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Building Pride Connection!!!  Valued skills = authentic pride  Become an area expert  Even if they are working independently, kids will work longer and on harder tasks when they think they are contributing to the group  Assign certain questions/parts of a worksheet to kids to work towards group completion

Create social belonging in as many ways as possible Build compassion through similarity

Belonging Breeds Compassion

 Any cue: wristbands, colour shirts, birthdays, class shirts, team jerseys

Collaborative tests. Students with learning differences can have open books so they can help contribute Giving or receiving help on something important

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Empathy

See their role positively impacting others!

School or community service • Creating care packages • Volunteering in the community Reflect • Who are we helping?

• How does it benefit them?

Kindness Projects Kindness cards for classmates Kindness wall to post acts of kindness Kindness bingo Kindness jar for acts of kindness done Tending a school garden Peer recognition

We stress when we don’t believe we have the skills or resources to cope • Builds fear and helplessness • Turns to “I don’t care” and/or giving up

Resilience Needs: Optimism

• Gain a new perspective.

• Opens other possibilities • Lessens the stress response

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Positive Expectancy

Have morning check-ins with a positive intention

Use mirror neurons!

Show confidence

What’s one thing you’re looking forward to/want to work on today?

Optimism Optimists believe

Pessimists believe ◦ Bad things will last a long time ◦ Nothing good turns out no matter what they do. ◦ Everything is their own fault

◦ Bad things are temporary ◦ A setback is an exception rather than a rule ◦ Setbacks are not their fault; there are other circumstances involved

As a result, they give up

As a result, they try harder

Learning the SKILL of Optimism • Bad things are temporary • Use past experiences • What did you do?

• What did you learn?

• How did you feel about it then? Now? • What helped make the past problem go away? Feel less intense?

• What would you say to your past self in that moment?

• How would you describe that situation now compared to how you felt about it when it was happening?

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Learning the SKILL of Optimism • Predict when it will pass • Use This Too Shall Pass language • For now • Wins and challenges/ pros and cons • Growth timeline • Initial struggles, turning points, moments of success • Visually reinforce that challenges fade over time

Flipside Challenge • There are always two sides of the coin.

Need to acknowledge both!

• Give groups scenario cards with a challenging situation (failing a test, a friend moving away) • Have them write the positive and not so great sides of the challenge

• Progress meter with their own challenges!

FLIPSIDE • Draw a picture of a difficult situation & draw on the flipside them mastering it • Help internalize messages What did you do to get there? How did they master the situation

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Learning the SKILL of Optimism

A setback is an exception rather than a rule • Reward persistence • Success & setback cards • Break into parts • Mistake of the day

Identify bounce backs (from setbacks) • Assignment redo, test improvements, learning to ride a bike despite falling off

Road to success map

Learning the SKILL of Optimism

• Add bumps, detours, obstacles in their journey to goals

Resilience relay • Obstacle course with hard challenges that are near impossible to do the first time.

• Opportunities to try again – bonus points for trying again!

• Bonus points for learning as much as they can to win the challenge

All or nothing: I can’t do anything Some things are easy

I can’t write

I can brainstorm

I can follow a template

I can edit

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Coming up with ideas on my own is hard (But I can with a storywheel)

Math: Easy

Reading: Easy

Gym: easy

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Difficulty scale Easy

Hard 9

What is easy that makes it 9 (and not 10)? What can I already do?

What can I do to bring this down to 7 or 8?

Want to scale Hate it

3

Love it

What do you like that makes it 3 (and not 1)?

What can I do to bring this up to 4? 7 or 8?

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Learning the SKILL of Optimism Setbacks are not their fault

Out of my control

• What is in their control to change and how they will • What is out of their control and how to cope • Externalize challenges • External factors scavenger hunt • In my control/out of my control

In my control

Encourage students to brainstorm ideas through any situation Say Yay! More. Yay! This is an opportunity to….

Use "How" and "What" question: “How can we solve ____?” or “What is next?”

Be SolutionFocused

Acknowledge effort and potential solutions Guide towards actionable steps (vs. consoling them) What’s working vs. what’s not Replace “But” with “And” Ask solution-driven follow-up questions: What do you think might make this easier?

Optimism in face of disaster is NOT helpful • Sometimes then need to change the goal

Teach realistic assessment

• Focus on the small victories • Cost-benefit analysis • Effort over outcome • Balanced perspective • Breaking down realistic steps and timelines

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Physical Wellness

Sleep

Nutrition

https://parentsoftheyear.buzzsprout.com/

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Physical activity

https://bit.ly/overpoweringemotionspodcast

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Bonus Ideas to Nurture Resilience Resource Mapping Encourage students to independently access school resources for building resilience and support throughout the school year. It is important to help students navigate resources early on by introducing and familiarizing students with various support options within the school environment. These are just a few ideas!

With each, ensure you take them on a physical or virtual tour of each resource, allow them to explore, and encourage them to use the resource like having them complete a scavenger hunt with small tasks at each resource location or bonus marks for using each resource.

Encourage students to create their own mini-map or personalized guide to the resources they think they’ll use most.

This is not an exhaustive list but hopefully can help get you started!

Academic Resources •

•

Designated Resource Station • Purpose: Provides essential information and resources to help students navigate school life, access materials, and understand important dates and protocols.

•

Activities: • Organize a “Resource Walk” where students tour different resource stations to understand what each offers.

• Host a Q&A session with school staff, so students can ask questions about resource availability and how to access them.

• Display a calendar of events, deadlines, and important dates at each station to keep students informed.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: • Highlight that using resources can make school easier and help prevent last-minute stress (e.g., using the library to print assignments or the tech desk for device help).

• Make resource stations visually inviting, with helpful FAQs and clear, accessible directions to encourage drop-ins.

• Emphasize that stations are there to support students’ success and that all students are welcome to use them as needed.

Learning Spaces • Purpose: Provides a variety of supportive environments tailored for different learning needs and styles, from quiet reading zones to collaborative areas.

•



•

Activities: • Schedule a tour of each learning space, introducing students to the benefits and expectations for each area (e.g., quiet study rooms, group discussion tables).

• Arrange for peer tutors or teachers to explain how these spaces can be used effectively for studying, relaxation, or group work.

• Host a “Learning Styles Day” where students can experiment with using different spaces to see which environments best support their concentration and productivity.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: • Explain that learning spaces are flexible and can help students focus better based on their needs at different times (quiet study for focus, group tables for collaboration).

• Regularly remind students that these spaces are open to everyone, with options for individual or group work, to accommodate all students.

• Make these spaces visually appealing and welcoming, with clear guidelines that set expectations for use, so students feel comfortable and encouraged to try them out.

Library/Media Center • Purpose: Provides books, research materials, and a quiet place for study.

•

Activities: • Introduce students to the librarian and explain how to check out books and resources.

• Offer a tour of the library, highlighting sections for academic subjects, reference materials, and online resources.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Assign research projects early in the year that require library resources or create “book scavenger hunts” to familiarize them with different sections.

After-School Academic Programs • Purpose: Provides additional instruction or enrichment in subjects like math, science, or language arts.

•

Activities: • Share schedules and locations for these programs with students.

• Arrange an open house or a "try-it-out" day where students can attend a session to see if it interests them.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Highlight the programs to boost understanding, prepare for tests, or explore subjects in more depth. Emphasize that attendance can lead to academic growth and confidence.

Social-Emotional Resources •

•

•

School Counselling Office • Purpose: Offers personal and academic counseling, guidance on college and career planning, and emotional support.

•

Activities: • Introduce the school counselor to the class and provide a quick overview of what they offer.

• Take students on a visit to the counseling office to meet staff and learn how to make appointments.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Normalize visiting the counselor by sharing examples of everyday challenges that students can seek help for, like managing stress or planning for the future.

Bullying Support • Purpose: Provides a safe space and structured support for students experiencing or witnessing bullying, fostering a respectful and secure school environment.

•

Activities: • Invite a counsellor or school resource officer to discuss the school’s bullying policy, what constitutes bullying, and steps to report it.

• Include an anonymous suggestion box where students can report incidents or suggest additional ways the school can support anti-bullying efforts.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: • Reinforce the message that all students deserve a safe environment and that resources are confidential and non-punitive.

• Display posters or reminders around the school that emphasize kindness, respect, and the importance of speaking up.

• Reassure students that they can also help others feel safe by being proactive bystanders and that everyone has a role in creating a supportive school climate.

Wellness Groups • Purpose: Helps students develop interpersonal skills, manage stress, and improve emotional well-being.

•

Activities: • Provide information on what these groups entail and the benefits they offer.

• Set up an introductory workshop led by the wellness group leaders to give students a taste of the activities and tools they’ll learn.

•

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Emphasize the benefits of stress management, mindfulness, and relationship-building skills and how they contribute to resilience.

Quiet Zones • Purpose: Provides designated areas for students to unwind or regroup.

•

Activities: • Map out these spaces and encourage students to use them respectfully.

• Discuss “break passes” or other ways students can signal their need for a quiet moment without disrupting class.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Encourage students to view these spaces as tools for self-regulation and part of taking care of their mental well-being.

Extracurricular Resources •

•

•

Clubs & Student Organizations • Purpose: Provides opportunities for students to connect over shared interests, build friendships, and develop leadership skills.

•

Activities: • Invite club representatives to introduce their groups and activities during class or assemblies.

• Post a calendar of club meetings and events where students can easily access it.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Highlight the importance of building social networks and exploring new interests, noting how these connections foster a sense of belonging and self-confidence.

Sports Teams & Physical Activities • Purpose: Offers physical outlets for stress relief, teamwork, and discipline.

•

Activities: • Arrange for the coach or team captains to give a short presentation about what it’s like to join and practice with the team.

• Highlight less-competitive options like intramurals or recreational leagues.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Emphasize that physical activity is a proven stress-reliever and that all skill levels are welcome in most school sports activities.

Community Service Opportunities • Purpose: Provides avenues for students to contribute to their community, develop empathy, and gain a sense of accomplishment.

•

Activities: • Share information on volunteer clubs or community service programs and help students find projects that align with their interests.

• Invite a representative from a local organization to discuss the positive impact of student involvement.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Highlight how community service builds character, adds to a sense of purpose, and can enhance college and job applications.

Digital Resources & Self-Guided Tools •

•

School Website & Student Portal • Purpose: Centralizes information on school events, resources, and academic materials.

•

Activities: • Show students how to log in to the portal, locate resources, check schedules, and access assignments.

• Encourage them to bookmark important pages or resources for easy access.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Frame the portal as a tool for self-management and accountability, essential for preparing for college and future careers.

Online Learning Tools • Purpose: Provides access to additional study resources, tutorials, and research materials (e.g., Khan Academy, library databases).

•

Activities: • Schedule a “Tech Day” where students can explore recommended online resources.

• Introduce specific tools for research, math, language learning, and time management.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Emphasize that these tools help students study independently and can support learning in areas they may struggle with.

Teacher & Peer-Led Resources •

Teacher Office Hours or Check-Ins • Purpose: Provides dedicated time for students to get personalized help from their teachers.

•

Activities: Explain the purpose of office hours and encourage students to use this time for questions and extra support.

• • •

Allow students to request specific time slots if they need one-on-one attention.

How to Encourage Student Use: Assure students that reaching out for help shows strength and commitment to growth, which is highly valued.

Peer Mentorship or "Buddy" Programs • Purpose: Offers peer support for academic or social challenges, especially helpful for new students.

•

Activities: • Pair older students or experienced students with new or younger students to provide guidance.

• Hold regular check-ins to ensure the peer mentorship is providing value and encourage feedback from mentees.

•

How to Encourage Student Use: Highlight that peer support builds social skills and fosters a sense of community and accountability.

Creating a Resource Map with Students Resource Mapping Activity: At the start of the school year, guide students through an interactive tour or scavenger hunt to locate each of these resources.  Divide students into small groups and assign them different areas to visit.  Provide them with maps or clues and have them complete simple tasks at each location.  After the activity, have students create a personal “Resource Map” with the locations they might need throughout the year.

Reflection and Goal Setting: After introducing resources, guide students in setting personal goals for using these resources, such as visiting the library once a week or attending a club meeting.

Here's a visual resource map example to help students understand and navigate available support options within the school to build resilience and independence. Each section represents a different type of support resource, with icons and brief descriptions to make it student-friendly.

Visual Resource Map Resource Area Library/Media Center

Icon Description Quiet study area with books and research materials

Student Resource Center

Basic supplies, FAQs, and event calendar

Flexible Seating Areas

Comfortable seating for better focus and comfort

Collaborative Learning Stations

Group project and teamwork stations

After-School Programs

Extra sessions to improve academic skills

Counselling Office

Talk about feelings, goals, and get emotional support

Safe Reporting Area

Confidential area for bullying reports

Wellness Groups

Social skills and stress management support

Lost and Found

Locate misplaced items

Student Ambassadors

Peer guides for new students

Quiet Zones

Relaxation areas for breaks and quiet time

Clubs/Organizations

Explore hobbies, meet friends, and learn new skills

Sports Teams

Stay active and build teamwork skills

Community Service

Volunteer and give back to the community

Student Portal

Access schedules, assignments, and grades

Online Learning

Academic support and study tools

Peer Mentorship

Upperclassman or buddy for guidance and support

Ideas for Belonging

Ideas for Encouraging Students to Ask for Help •

Lead by example – ask questions yourself, admit when you don’t know something, and demonstrate curiosity.

•

Celebrate question-asking with incentives – have a “question of the day” where an insightful or brave question is recognized in some way

•

Progress Meter - every time they ask for help

•

Designate a “help desk” or corner to go for one-on-one help

•

Use “check-in” cards – let students signal their understanding or confusion with cards (green, yellow, red)

•

Collaborative learning by pairing or grouping students so they can ask each other questions before approaching the teacher.

•

Provide “think time” – after asking questions, give students a few moments to consider their answers or to think of questions.

•

Use “office hours” in the classroom – make it fun so they want to go!

•

Encourage open-ended questions

•

Give positive examples of past student questions

•

Incorporate self-assessment tools – let students rate their understanding of the material (e.g., on a 1-5 scale)

•

Encourage “ask three before me” – encourage students to ask three classmates before coming to you, fostering peer support and normalizing help-seeking.

•

Use “parking lot” boards for questions – set up a spot where students can place sticky notes with questions for you to answer later.

•

Create “help buddies” – pair students with “help buddies” they can turn to first for clarification or support.

•

Create “open question” sessions – have dedicated times where students can freely ask anything related to the subject, making help-seeking part of class culture.

•

Create “reflection journals” – let students write about what they understood and where they struggled, creating a routine for self-assessment and help-seeking.

•

Use “question starters” – provide question stems (e.g., “Could you explain why…?”) that make it easier for students to voice questions.

•

Rotate small group check-ins – spend a few minutes with small groups each week, giving everyone a more private chance to ask questions.

•

Use humour – lighten the atmosphere by joking about common mistakes or tough questions, making it feel safe and enjoyable to seek help.

•

Set classroom norms around help-seeking – establish guidelines at the beginning of the year that encourage asking for help as part of a respectful classroom culture.

•

Encourage students to lead discussions – give students roles as discussion leaders, which can make them feel safe to ask questions as well.

•

Teach students how to phrase questions – give examples of constructive questions, encouraging them to frame their curiosity in positive terms.

•

Use warm-up questions that invite inquiry – start class with questions that are meant to be open-ended and promote discussion.

•

Have “frequently asked questions” sessions – review commonly asked questions in each lesson to show that others also need help.

•

Do private, weekly self-evaluations – ask students privately if they feel comfortable with the material, inviting them to identify areas where they need help.

•

Set up question prompts after each lesson – give time for students to reflect on what they still wonder about.

•

Engage in “think-pair-share” activities – students think about a problem, pair up to discuss, then share with the class, making asking for help feel collaborative.

•

Establish a “no hand-raising” time – during discussions or small group work, make it a free-flowing environment where anyone can speak up.

•

Offer “help tickets” – give students a limited number of “help tickets” each week to redeem for one-on-one help, promoting intentional help-seeking.

•

Use “exit tickets” with questions – ask students to submit a question they still have at the end of each class.

•

Encourage students to be ‘teachers’ – let them explain their understanding to others, which can prompt them to ask questions if they get stuck.

Ideas to Promote Curiosity •

Mystery box: Place an interesting object related to the lesson inside a box. Let students feel it without looking and guess what it is. Reveal it later, connecting it to the lesson topic.

•

Wonder wall: Set up a space on the wall where students can post any questions they have about the subject.

•

Curiosity cards: Create a set of cards with intriguing questions related to the lesson.

Hand them out randomly and let students discuss their card’s question in pairs or small groups before the lesson.

•

Curiosity questions: Kids can write down something they have always wondered about.

Collect the cards and daily/weekly select one question to discuss ideas and then research as a class.

•

Classroom treasure hunt: Clues are hidden around the room, each leading to a new hint or fact about the day’s lesson.

•

Puzzles and riddles: Start the day with a puzzle, riddle, or brain teaser related to the subject matter. This not only stimulates curiosity but also helps with critical thinking.

•

Mystery sound: Play a sound related to the topic and have students guess what it is and how it might connect to the lesson. For example, for a rainforest lesson, play animal or nature sounds.

•

Debate an intriguing question: Pose a provocative or controversial question related to the topic (e.g., “Is exploring space worth the cost?”). Let students debate both sides, generating curiosity and interest in the subject.

•

Flip the lesson: Let students become the “teacher” for a topic they’re curious about. They can research it, create materials, and present their findings to the class.

•

Incorporate storytelling: Use storytelling to introduce a lesson, especially for history, literature, or science. A good story can draw students in and make them want to know more.

•

Classroom mystery week: Set up a week-long “mystery” for students to solve, revealing clues each day. Each clue relates to a different part of the curriculum, encouraging them to stay curious about the next reveal.

Acknowledgement Assessment Acknowledgement Examples Personalized compliments: “You did an excellent job on your project, showing great creativity and effort!”

Encouraging words: “I’m really proud of how hard you worked on this!”

Public acknowledgment in class: “Let’s give a round of applause class!”

Thumbs up or other positive gestures like…

Smiling or nodding to show approval A positive note about my work Sticker A ‘praise note’ to take home Tokens or points that can be collected and exchanged for a privilege Being the class helper or leader for a day Choosing a game or activity for the class Extra computer time or free time to do what I want in class Featuring my work on a classroom display or bulletin board Mention in the school newsletter to parents or morning announcements to the school A certificate of achievement for my accomplishment Lunch with the teacher or a special guest Opportunity to share a skill or interest with the class Peer recognition moment where classmates share something positive about them

YES PLEASE!

NO THANKS

Personal Action Plan What traps do I need to get out of?

How can I improve my approach for effective communication?

What can I do proactively ?

What can I start letting students do on their own?

How can I encourage strudents to take risks?

STRESS and RESILIENCE creating a school culture for distressing times

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Clinical & Developmental Psychologist Founder of the Neufeld Institute Vancouver, Canada

A JACK HIROSE SEMINAR

Healing & Trea,ng Trauma Wounds Edmonton, Alberta December 4, 2024

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. All rights reserved.

The handout is intended for registered par?cipants of this seminar only.

Please do notduplicate this document without permission.For more informa?on regarding the Neufeld Ins?tute or Dr. Neufeld and his work, please consult the website.

www. neufeldins,tute.org

School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

-

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Stress and Resilience Creating a School Culture for Distressing Times

Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D.

Developmental & Clinical Psychologist Vancouver, Canada

Creating a School Culture for Distressing Times

PART I - UpdaEng foundaEonal understandings of stress, resilience and student engagement

PART II – RecreaEng a relaEonal-based and play-based school culture

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Attachment’s Emergency First Aid Team

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UR SU IT -

- FRUSTRATION -

OUR MOTTO - “We promise to get emo.onal when holes appear in the fabric of your togetherness”

The Stress Response armours the heart

al rimons p S E B VAT mo CTI Bon e A • ara sep

• while a Bme, INHt the same that wou IBITS FEELINGS performinld interfere with in stressfu g or funcEoning l circumst ances

STRESS RESPONSE = MORE EMOTION BUT LESS FEELING

• gives the STRENGTH and TOUGHNESS needed to funcEon or perform in stressful or wounding circumstances • instantly CHANGES one to be able to COPE with adversity & SURVIVE distressing circumstances • taps all available resources to enable one to PERSEVERE in the face of distress and OVERCOME stressful circumstances

The Stress Response

, th al e h l al tia al • gives the and on STRENGTH m en i i r t s t o po TOUGHNESS needed to S p oBon E m T f e funcEon or perform in o VA m n to ostressful or wounding C TI n e ti • A araBo circumstances a z p i y al se el ut re ol he s • while a t b • instantly CHANGES Bme, INHt the same re a and one to be able to COPE IB , IT a S F that wou EELINGnSg with adversity & SURVIVE i distressing circumstances performinld interfere iw onith g t o r fu in stressfu ncnEc oning l c:ircum u M l f stances LE ma • taps all available resources to B i O pt enable one to PERSEVERE in the o PR RESPONSE STRESS = MORE face of distress and OVERCOME EMOTION BUT LESS FEELING stressful circumstances

armours the heart

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

Stress Response acEvaEon of

ATTACHMENT’S EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM (alarm, frustraEon & pursuit) FEELINGS that would interfere with performing or funcEoning in stressful circumstances are INHIBITED

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Resilience Response Feelings that have been inhibited BOUNCE BACK to enable opEmal funcEoning and the full realizaEon of potenEal

SAFETY

- operaEonally defined in the animaEng brain as the absence of threat to aUachment -> facing togetherness vs separa$on -> being engaged in the play mode

Stress Response acEvaEon of

ATTACHMENT’S EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM (alarm, frustraEon & pursuit) FEELINGS that would interfere with performing or funcEoning in stressful circumstances are INHIBITED

Resilience Response Feelings that have been inhibited BOUNCE BACK to enable opEmal funcEoning and the full realizaEon of potenEal

SAFETY

- operaEonally defined as the absence of threat to aUachment

sadness

fuElity must be FELT (if the ‘fixes’ were fuEle) for the stress response to end

When the fixes are fuEle, they need to be FELT as such.

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PU

M AR AL FRUSTRATION

UI T

ST AL E W R NE RE Y VER O C E R RESILIENCE as an aUribute

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

acEvaEon of

(alarm, frustraEon & pursuit) FEELINGS that would interfere with performing or funcEoning in stressful circumstances are INHIBITED

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Resilience Response

Stress Response ATTACHMENT’S EMERGENCY RESPONSE TEAM

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Feelings that have been inhibited BOUNCE BACK to enable opEmal funcEoning and the full realizaEon of potenEal

SAFETY

- operaEonally defined as the absence of threat to aUachment

sadness

fuElity must be FELT (if the ‘fixes’ were fuEle) for the stress response to end

Retreat to Relationship & Play to help increasingly distressed students Where the helper can be ANYONE but preferably a caring adult to whom the child or adult is aRached or will aRach

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- parent - grandparent - relaBve - teacher - coach - expert - counsellor - therapist - caregiver - case worker - volunteer

Current educaBonal pracBce assumes that any student could or should be engaged by ...

... new informaEon and by being given choices regarding their learning ... experiencing failure and fuElity ... informaEon that conflicts with their thoughts, feelings & viewpoints

curiosity and sense of agency ability to learn from mistakes and failure

ability to process dissonance and feel con5licted

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

• viability as a separate being • full of vitality (not easily bored) • sense of agency & responsibility • full of interests & curiosity • venturing forth energy • a relationship with self • a strong quest for independence

• well-tempered • considerate & civilized • balanced / perspective • appreciates context • can solve problems • egalitarian values • learns from dissonance

• learns from mistakes • resilient & resourceful • recovers from trauma • benefits from adversity • learns from consequences • adapts to circumstances

engaged by the unknown and by choices engaged by failure & fu$lity

engaged by what conflicts

emergent integrative

adaptive

school readiness

engagement lies in the ‘growing edges’ of human potenEal

With diminished teachability, less and less of our teaching results in learning, a sure recipe for teacher stress & burnout.

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

engaged by the unknown and by choices engaged by failure & fu$lity

emergent integrative adaptive

engaged by what conflicts

engagement lies in the ‘growing edges’ of human potenEal

Maturation Pl Tr ue

t en hm ac

ay

t At engagement lies in what, whom and how a child is aMached

engagement lies in what isn’t work or outcome-based

The Relational Context for Learning • opBmizes learning by harnessing the power of aUachment and tapping into the ulEmate prioriEes of the brain • most learning is automaBc and spontaneous, not formal or planned • harnesses aUenEon, memory and moEvaEon

learning • creates the models to emulate • is a ‘bottom-up’ arrangement - students designate their ‘teachers’, for beUer or for worse • if the aUachment is to the individual (vs role), learning is specific to the person and therefore not transferable

Empowering Effect of ARachment We are more …

• inclined to FOLLOW • likely to ATTEND to • able to feel AT HOME with • prone to assume the FORM of • predisposed to TALK like • apt to feel like being GOOD for • willing to AGREE with • likely to TAKE DIRECTION from • open to being INFLUENCED by • predisposed to MEASURE UP TO … those to whom we are aRached.

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

• MOTIVATES both intrinsically & extrinsically

Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Pl

ay

OPTIMIZES learning

• OPTIMIZES aUenEon, memory & performance

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t en hm ac

STUDENT ENGAGEMENT Tr

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EMPOWERS learning

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• employs the FAMILIAR & the known to facilitate learning

• fosters EXPLORATION into new territory

• aUachment infuses REWARDS & reinforcements with their power

• play is PREEMPTED when rewarded or when the focus is on outcomes

• opens learning INSIDE of aUachment and blocks learning outside of the context of aUachment

• opens learning OUTSIDE of aUachment, reducing interference from shyness, counterwill, and alarm

• challenge is to ENGAGE the aUachment insEncts so their POWER can be harnessed

• challenge is to ENGAGE the play insEncts as well as to carve out the SPACE and set the STAGE for play

engaged by the unknown and by choices engaged by what conflicts

engaged by failure & fu$lity

engagement lies in the ‘growing edges’ of human potenEal

Pl

ue

Tr

t en hm ac

t At engagement lies in what, whom and how a child is aMached

STUDENT ENGAGEMENT

ay

Maturation

engagement lies in what isn’t work or outcome-based OUT-COME BASED APPROACH

PEER ORIENTATION

PEER ORIENTATION

Children taking their cues from each other as to how to act, what to do, how to talk, what to wear, how to express oneself, what is valued, what is expected, what is right and what is wrong

The compeBng nature of most peer aRachments today (ie, can’t be close to both peers and adults simultaneously) pulls children out of orbit from around the adults responsible for them.

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

THE PROBLEMS WITH PEER ORIENTATION • does NOT serve survival as children were not meant to take care of each other

• robs children of the shielding and protecEon they need to live in an wounding world • breeds ALPHA children, with all the problems that ensue

• destroys the natural context for raising & educaEng children • robs adults of the power they need to parent, teach and treat • the more peers maUer, the more separaEon to be faced, resulEng in escalaEng wounding and distress

• fuels an obsession with digital devices and social media, which further compete with family & educaEon • can result in chaoEc polarizaEon & tribalizaBon which in turn can create a ‘lord of the flies’ scenario

Teachers go to school to teach ...

... but peer-oriented students go to school to be with their friends.

When the primary agendas of teachers and students are in conflict, stress results.

Retreat to Relationship & Play to engage students in their learning

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Creating a School Culture for Distressing Times

PART I - UpdaEng foundaEonal understandings of stress, resilience and student engagement

PART II – RecreaEng a relaEonal-based and play-based school culture

idealisBc systems based on assumed teachability

state systems based on roles and replacing family

outdated systems aimed at preparing soldiers & workers

colonizing systems based on imposing dominant cultures

idealisBc systems based on assumed teachability

state systems s based on roles and ot ro replacing family

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Tt EA R ET lR

s n’ o i at uc d e

s as cl

ic

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s systems outdated vepreparing lat aimed o v & workers soldiers in

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

colonizing systems based on imposing dominant cultures

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Engage in learning through ATTACHMENT • take stock of a child’s aUachments (ie, what a child cares about) to uElize as vehicles of learning when needed • uElize exisEng aUachments to caring adults (eg, teachers, staff, family, extended family) to create contexts for learning • matchmake to older mentor-type students to acEvate and empower contexts for learning • create structures, rituals and rouEnes that children can aUach to and orient by, which in turn will facilitate the learning • provide some ‘grounding connec.on’ (eg, in sight, in sound, in contact) while engaging the child in learning in order to put to rest interference from alarm and agitaEon First and foremost, culBvate STUDENT-TEACHER RELATIONSHIPS

Engage in learning through PLAY PLATO – “Do not keep children to their studies by compulsion but by play” • inject a dose of play or playfulness into acEviEes that feel coercive, trigger alarm, are experienced as pressure, or are too much like work • create playful acEviEes (eg, games, rituals, rouEnes) to open up the student to new informaEon & to pracEce the skills involved in learning • use a playful gesture or voice (eg, singing, silly voice) to camouflage coercion when orchestraEng behaviour or when student is ‘out of line’ • remember that when aUenEon becomes playful, aUenEon problems resolve and learning just happens (curiosity = aUenEon at play) • preserve a learning environment by giving primal emoEons & insEncts plenty of room to play (ie, generous access to emoEonal playgrounds) When primal emo$ons and ins$ncts can express themselves through play, trouble is averted, rela$onships are preserved, development is fostered, and well-being is realized (eg, frustra$on, alarm, pursuit, sadness, caring, alpha, counterwill, detachment)

School-Based Practice – developing the vertical dimension

STUDENT-TEACHER CROSS-AGE STUDENT CASCADING CARE RELATIONSHIPS RELATIONSHIPS RELATIONSHIPS

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

EMOTIONAL PLAYGROUNDS

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

WHERE emotions like to PLAY

Embed in CASCADING CARE • our aim should be to shield students at risk by fostering an aUachment with a safe caring adult who is willing to serve that role

• matchmake by presenEng one as the ANSWER to the other

• use playful acEviEes to matchmake students to teachers and across the grades and the ages

• our aim should also be to matchmake students hierarchically so that every student experiences being both cared for and in charge of taking care of • matchmake the more mature students with those in need, to serve as HOME BASE as needed • uElize the ‘house system’ if possible, to foster cascading care across the grades and ages

Assume a caring alpha lead in order to ...

1. INSPIRE the DEPENDENCE necessary in order to fulfill one’s responsibiliEes and to foster healthy development 2. Render students RECEPTIVE to your instrucEon and MOTIVATED to be good for you, thus OPTIMIZING their learning as well as their behaviour 3. Possess the POWER to SCRIPT the behaviour of the immature 4. Serve as the ATTACHMENT IN COMMON in one’s class in order to keep children from revolving around each other and maUering too much to each other 5. FuncEon as a SHIELDING aUachment as needed (for wounding that may come from others including peers, siblings, parents or other adults) 6. Bring the followers of charismaEc ALPHA STUDENTS under your control and influence

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

Mastering the Lead in the dance of attachment • assume the posture and demeanor of the ALPHA in charge, concealing one’s own needs and insecuriEes

• seize the lead by ANTIPICATING ‘demands’ and gekng there first • READ the needs & take the lead (don’t ask too many quesEons)

• perceive the student(s) as being IN NEED of you, as an ANSWER to their aUachment needs

• WIN the alpha baUles you can, but avoid the rest

• INVITE dependence and make it SAFE to depend • convey CARING and find a way to get the message across that you will take care of them • be GENEROUS - providing more than is pursued

• invite the INEVITABLE to preserve one’s alpha and convey that the relaEonship can take the weight • ARRANGE scenarios where there is no choice but to depend upon you

CT LE

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• bridge ALL separa$on, problem behaviour, and insecuri$es

e E -divid DGuld RI at co - B th

• use PLAY as a primer for aMachment as well as to circumvent shyness

ing yth an

• if the eyes cannot or should not be collected, collect the EARS instead

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• collect the EYES, some nods and some smiles

nt ins Bn cts

Cultivate a Culture of Connection • bridge PROACTIVELY when needed

- MATCHMAKE -

• use PLAY to vent emo$ons that threaten connec$on & to circumvent counterwill

to create a village of working aRachments • use EXISTING aMachments to create new aMachments • ENDEAR dependents to those responsible for them and vice versa • use PLAY (eg, dance, music, stories) to knit together the genera$ons

Retreat to Relationship & Play to assist increasingly distressed teachers

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School Culture for Distressing Times Dr. Gordon Neufeld

EmoBons are NOT at work, so the inhibiBon of feelings is reversed

Play is safe so feelings won’t get hurt

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Hirose Seminars - Edmonton - Dec 4, 2024

EmoBons are freer to move and so more likely to be felt and idenBfied Words or their lack, do not get in the way EmoBons are easier to feel when one step removed from real life

Emotional play lessens the load & enables feelings to bounce back

The Natural REST & RECOVERY Work of Sadness

Copyright 2024 Gordon Neufeld PhD

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Proven Brief Interventions to Help Students with Emotional and Behavioural Problems Nurturing Responsible, Proactive, & Empowered Kids Dr. Caroline Buzanko drcarolinebuzanko.com caroline@korupsychology.ca

https://parentsoftheyear. com

https://bit.ly/overpoweringemotionspodcast

Developmentally Appropriate Behaviours

Preschoolers

Grade school

Early Adolescence

Teens

• Argue • Demanding • Independence • Say “No!” • Test limits • Act babyish • Some tantrum • Minor aggression • Jealousy, worries • Know-it-all

• Want more freedom but need help • Struggle with failure • Support to manage big emotions • Poor verbal impulse control • Test limits • Tantrums • Dramatic • Complaining

• Attitude • Mild opposition • Social skills trouble • Don’t think of consequences of actions • Argumentative • Push against/argue about rules • Disrespectful • Blame others

• Experimenting • Minor rebellion • Control for autonomy • Resistance to authority • Moody • Noncompliant, Defiant • Emotionally distant • Impulsive and risk taking • Dismissive • Misread social cues

drcarolinebuzanko.com

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Warning!

100% obedience comes at a great cost

Importance of acting out • Essential for development & learning • Learn about themselves & the world • Boosts independent thinking • Helps form identity • Boosts emotional regulation • Empowering • Stand up for themselves

Antecedent • Conditions in which the behaviour will occur

Result of both

Behaviour Consequence • What happens as a result of the behaviour

Basic Functions

Gain

Behaviours

Communicate

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Avoid

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Behaviours adaptive for them They learned to be tough

 To get love, a need met, or support … because they don’t know how to get it any other way  To protect themselves from perceived lack of safety

Mood Predicts Behaviour Physical

Social

Physiological

• Environmental enrichment • Noise

• Interaction history • Ill/pain • Hungry • Tired

Emotions Lead to Behavioural Responses Anger

Assert, defend

Fear

Fight, Flee, freeze

Shame

Avoid

Sadness

Support, withdrawal

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Joy

Excitement

Connect, engage

Attend, explore

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Anxiety

Avoidance

Fear of abandonment

Fear of rejection

• Cling, control, complain • Aggression • Sensitive to criticism, failure, or perceived injustice.

• Suppress needs • Withdraw • Aggression

Brain in high stress state = amygdala kicks in and becomes a stop sign for Information

 Intense emotions  Behavioural and emotional outbursts  Impulsivity  Rigidity  No self-reflection  Unable to take perspectives  Disengagement 11

What are behaviours?

Manifestations of what Is happening in their nervous system

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Why Behavioural Approaches Fail Too much focus on changing the behaviour without understanding why It’s happening in the first place

Unfortunately, When we take behaviours at face value, we miss the source.

We often escalate the behaviour if we’re only giving the student attention when there is a problem behaviour

Misbehaviour vs.

Stress behaviour

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• Aware of behaviour and rules • Within their capacity to act differently

• None of these capacities

Strong emotions limit flexibility and perspective taking

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Social disconnection and loneliness Local and world news

Current State of the world

Social media

Far more:

Identity and body Issues

Worthlessness

• Depression • Self-harm • Suicide

Multiple pressures and high expectations

Than any other generation

Helplessness

Major Psychological Risk Factor

Loneliness Poor School performance

Screen time

Self-esteem

• Impairs resilience • Contributes to everything we worry about as parents

Depression

Disordered eating

Withdrawal

Anxiety

Suicidal planning Suicidal ideation

Self-esteem • False messages to avoid rejection • So happy!

• So beautiful!

• “Likes” worsens self-esteem • Others won’t like the “real” them.

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Bullying doesn’t happen privately anymore  

        

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

  

Sending unsolicited and/or threatening e-mail.

Encouraging others to send e-mail or to overwhelm the victim Posting/spreading rumours.

Making defamatory comments online Sending negative messages Sexual remarks Posting the victim’s personal information Hate speech Impersonating the victim online Harassing the victim Leaving abusive messages online, including social media sites Sending the victim pornography or other graphic material that is knowingly offensive Creating online content that depicts the victim in negative ways Trolling Cyberstalking Hate raids

Exposure

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• Weaken kids’ ability to manage emotions • Contributes to anxiety

Poor self-regulation because resources used up • Poor emotion regulation • Increased emotional reactivity • Proactive aggression • Anti-social behaviours

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Frontal Lobes

Maturity

Capacity to focus & self-regulate diminishes Emotion Regulation and Impulse Control

Stunted growth of cognitive skills

Exert control over the amygdala and emotional responses

Immature brain & delay in maturity

Critical for focus, regulating behaviour, and decision-making:

No exceptions:

ALL screen time is linked to less happiness.

• More screen time = • School struggles • Loneliness • Depression • Suicidal thinking

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Child

Not always only the child’s problem or behaviour that needs to be solved

• Coping & Self-regulation • Self-confidence • Social Skills

Family

Numerous factors influence the ability to cope

• Parenting • Relationships • Connections

Public policies

Community

Neighbourhood School Mass media

Communication Peers

Social values

Services

• Connections with peers • Educational settings • Healthy risk-taking opportunities

Tech

Models Child

Infra-structures

Society

Sibling

Attachment

SES Factors

• Policies • Values • Legislation

Community Cohesion

Cultural norms & values

The best interventions are the ones that you implement before behaviours happen – at the level of relationship and environment. You’re already there!

Self-regulation Pyramid

Relationship

Environment

Individual factors Opportunities Social connection Supportive Supportive adult environment relationship

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Identify own values in your role

Goals in your role

It Takes Work…

Values Discovery

Hopes for students’ futures

Professional/Personal Mission Statement

What did you value as a student?

• What are things your teachers did that you valued and appreciated?

• What do you wish teachers did differently?

• What did your teachers do/not do that influence how you interact with students today?

• What things did your teachers do/not do that influence what kind of person you want to be with students today?

Reflect on your incentives What are your goals?

What kind of teacher do you want to be?

How do you want students to remember you?

What kind of class do you want to have?

What motivates you?

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Clarifying Values

• What kind of relationship do I want this student?

• Who do I want to be within this relationship?

• What qualities do I want this student to see in me?

• How could our relationship be improved?

• What can I do more of? Less of?

Align with Values: From Ideas to Reality • List concrete, observable behaviours you can do that align with your top three values?

• Reducing corrective feedback • Identifying child’s strengths and positive behaviours more frequently • Listening actively more often • Engaging in collaborative problem solving whenever a conflict arises • Showing more love • Engaging in more acts of kindness

Get Out of the Traps This alone can make all the difference in the world

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Over-Nagging and Unrealistic Demands • We place more demands on children than adults • Constant correction and nagging can erode relationships and discourage autonomy • Would we treat our coworkers or friends the same way?

Unhelpful Interactions can Create Loneliness • Adding stress • Failing to meet their needs • Unwittingly responding in punishing ways, even when trying to be supportive

Fixing

Persuading and pushing motivation

Being punishing

Directing

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Even trying to make them feel better when they’re hard on themself

Unsolicited Support vs.

Perceived Support • Swooping in can: • Undermine the equity in the relationship • Create a sense of obligation • Independence and self-esteem threatened • Feel invalidating • Seem unsympathetic • Shut down communication

Talking too much or asking lots of questions

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Safe environment

Criticizing

Supports

Minimizing

Validates

Punishing

Perspective taking

Own emotion dysregulation

Own emotion regulation

Child emotion dysregulation

Adaptive child emotion outcomes

Adult emotion-related behaviours

Perceptions of the child

Adult Emotion Regulation

•Avoid passing own stress on to students!!!

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Stress is Contagious

•What is going on for me?

• Am I being patient? Warm?

Responsive?

• Must manage own burnout, anxiety, stress, and trauma so you don’t pass it on

You can directly influence the degree of safety or degree of threat kids experience

Greatest predictor of ODD: Adult stress + negative perceptions of the child

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Caught in stress and lack and deficits

Disruptive

Talks excessively, disrupts the class.

Characterized by distractibility, impulsivity and restlessness or hyperactivity

Impulsive behaviours that cause suspensions and peer conflict.

Symptoms have far greater intensity than in the everyday person

Interfere with everyday functioning socially, academically, and at home

Aggressive

Rushing ahead and doing work incorrectly even when models provided.

Low frustration tolerance – explosive outbursts over minor incidents.

Poor social awareness. Limited conflict resolution skills.

Focusing on what is wrong can be very impairing for students.

Behaviours Related to Identity • Identity and self-concept are cocreated!

• Self-evaluation is based on their experiences and others’ appraisals • What are the consistent, repeated cues they receive over time?

Interpersonal Expectancy Effects Perceive Students for Their FULL Potential

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Interpersonal Expectancy Effects

Positive teacher expectations can significantly enhance student performance and intellectual growth

Positive expectations beyond the classroom

Rosenthal & Jacobson, 1966

Bossiness Aggressiveness Argumentative Stubborn Easily upset

• LEADER • ASSERTIVE (knows and gets what she needs) • Strong conflict resolver and negotiator • Persistent • Emotionally expressive (easier to help and quicker to recover!)

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Effectively expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs Verbal anger not directed to anyone

Helpful to remember!

Verbal aggression towards others Physical aggression towards objects Physical aggression towards others

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The only real behaviour management you need….

Strong Relationship

Connection Essential for Regulation

To tolerate and regulate emotional responses & cope with stress

10/17/2024

Relationship Major Protector Factor Positive physical and mental health Motivation Academic outcomes Academic self-efficacy Reduces risk outcomes • Violent behaviour, School failure, Substance abuse, Depression and other mental health challenges, Suicidal ideation, Unwanted pregnancy Major predictor of long-term happiness

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Board Members Name

School issues Friend issues

Mr. Frank

X

Parent issues

Sibling issues

Getting in trouble

Dr. Simms Susan

X

X

Brendan

Health

X

X

X

Mom Jeff

Emotional

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

X

Marie

X X X

Relationship: How do you show up?

Student alienation • Relationship with teacher

One small change in your interactions can be a gamechanger.

Dropping out

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• Stand just in/outside the door or go around the room • Greet each student positively • Say their name • Have a short positive interaction • Follow student’s lead • Handshake, fist bump, high five, pinkie shake • Direct them to the first activity • Specific acknowledgement to reinforce desired behaviours

You have less than 6 minutes

What I need from you

Psychological Functions

Attention seeking

Power

drcarolinebuzanko.com

Revenge

Inadequate

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Skill deficit

Attention Seeking

Relationship! Maintain connection with lots of positive attention.

Don’t feel connected

Acknowledge the wanted behaviours & ignore the unwanted ones Insecurity

Proactively establish expectations Wrong attention

Positive Attention & Planned Ignoring For behaviours that are maintained by adult attention

Anxious

Relationship!

Power

Feel they belong, are safe, and are heard

Avoid power struggles

Not capable

Mutually respectful

Everyone loses

Collaborate

Rationales for rules

No control

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Routines and clear expectations

Privileges and responsibilities

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Revenge Relationship!

Defeated

Feel they belong and are safe

Feel HEARD!

Stop the hurt Bad

Consider the purpose of your responses Unloved

Clear expectations and consequences Routines and clear expectations

Hurt

Learned Helplessness

Collaborate

Inadequate

Privileges and responsibilities with support

Relationship!

Encouragement

Let them try

Unsuccessful

Scaffold for success Teach vs. tell Discouraged

Opportunities

For success & build islands of competence To be appreciated

Worthless

Responsibilities

Effective Communication

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Adults don’t tend to understand children’s experiences and needs

Understanding Perspectives • We use different parts of our brain and will perceive situations • Must understand their viewpoint to provide effective support

Give space for regulation

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Effective Communication:

• Talk less listen more

Become a Master Listener

They need to feel heard without judgment or

Validation criticism!

• Acknowledge the truth of their experience Helps Disarm• Recognize and accept their thoughts and feelings (even if they don’t make sense or seem absurd!)

OR, even better… ADJECTIVE! Let me see if I got that. You said…

Did I get it?

Is there more?

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Effective Communication

Unhelpful Communication You ignore perspective

You listen more than talk

Your attitude is not respectful and caring

You remain calm

You try to lecture, teach, nag, or fix the situation, share your agenda

You acknowledge their perspective

Talk too much

Your attitude is respectful and caring

Emotional escalation or power struggle

You respect their autonomy

Negativity

You ensure that they feel heard

Judgment

Taking things personally

Replace negativity with curiosity

Even if they challenge, we still have to work hard

RESPECTFUL

POSITIVE

NONAGGRESSIVE

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ASSERTIVE

CARING

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No matter what, they MUST believe: We are on your side!

A child's greatest need is to feel accepted and valued just as they are

Remember!

Kids want to be and do good!

So, let’s expect them to.

Be proactive, set them up for success, and support them when they can’t.

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Individual factors

Self-regulation Pyramid

Opportunities Social connection Supportive environment

Consider feedback loops If they aren’t experiencing success or getting their needs met, they become even more vulnerable

Fail & Avoid Fail & Avoid

Fail & Avoid

Fail & Avoid

Fail & Avoid

Behaviour!

Reprimanded

and strengthens worries

Freeze, distracted, non-compliant, explosive

Assigned task

Challenged (perceived or real)

Anxiety, self-doubt & criticism

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Get on Offense!

Spend time putting support strategies in place vs. waiting for problem behaviours to happen. Do anything you can to promote positive behaviour • Greeting students as soon as you see them • Help them transition to/from various activities throughout their school day • Clear and simple expectations that are both reasonable and enforceable; • Provide the ability to problem-solve what needs to happen for them to be successful in challenging situations • Adults and kids take “practice breaks” before they really need them • Model appropriate tone, volume and cadence with students who are frustrated

Establishing Behaviour Expectations & Strategies

Involve child Start small! Few rules and build on successes State rules positively Make rules visible Teach & practice to success Use role play to keep kids actively engaged Train every day Automatize (requires less brain energy!)

Tie new behaviours to existing ones Use positive motivators vs. Punishment Make rewards appealing and immediate Acknowledge adaptive behaviours Review expectations and support at point of performance Provide ongoing structure and support for success Choices 86 Structured breaks

Provide: • 3-5 expectations • Rationales • Immediate successes • Explicitly Teach • Examples and nonexamples of expected behaviours • Models

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Buried Chained Questions

Unhelpful Instructions

Repeated Vague Let’s Yelled

Direct Specific Clear

Better Instructions

One at a time Moment of silence Within their capacity Respectful

MUST have Clear & Consistent Expectations & Limits

• Establishing predictable consequences for behaviour • Clear expectations and consequences for both desired and undesired behaviours.

• Ideally, same expectations across settings

• Consistency helps them understand what is expected of them and reinforces positive behaviours.

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Boosting Motivation

 Choices & anything to foster independence and responsibility  Incorporating child preferences  Positive before anything corrective  Positive attitude  Statements of self-efficacy and encouragement  Reward for practicing  Positive before negative  Mix low appealing tasks with high appealing  Breaks between tasks  Relaxation  Exercise/movement  Music  Humour  Interacting with peers

Start the day off right

Backwards Behaviour Modification: Catch ‘em being good

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Find the Antidotes!

Defies authority

• Follows directions; obeys rules

Destroys property

• Uses objects appropriately

Fights with others

• Plays, shares with, assists others

Hits others

• Solves problems verbally

Disrespectful

• Collaborates, accepts decisions • Express how they feel • Good natured & easy going

Irritable

• Is honest

Lies

I caught you!

Calling out

•Put up their hand

Name calling •Helping, complimenting Hitting

•Using words to express upset

Focus on ACKNOWLEDGEMENT (of contribution) vs. Praise

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Conduct an Acknowledgement Assessment!

• How do you like being acknowledged? How do you hate being acknowledged?

• Create a developmentally appropriate assessment form with a menu of lots of feasible options • Acknowledge students based on their preferences • Reflect and adjust!

Reward ideas Homework pass

Pass from a class or task

Store (e.g., pencils or erasers)

Lunch with the teacher

Bring a friend from another class

Free time in class or extra recess

Choose a seat for the day

Positive call home

Keep class mascot

Front of line pass

Clasroom coupons for privileges

Dance party

Treasure box

Movie

Bonus point

Talent show

Music choice

Late pass

Science experiment

Extra computer

Class leader

Teacher chair

Podcast

Scavenger hunt

Teacher dress up

Reinforcement Exhaustion

Replace praise with gratitude

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Tootling Slip Who:

Suzie

Did What:

Helped figure out a problem in science.

From:

Chana

When giving out discincentives, BE BORING, but when giving out rewards, BE PASSIONATE.

Remember context: Save Face Watch what you say when and where you say it

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Interdependent Group- Oriented Contingencies • Creates a supportive classroom environment & adaptive behaviours through peer monitoring and influence.

• Initially, ensure that they are successful as quick as possible • Activity rewards • Feasible and easy to deliver • Not something they have access to otherwise • Can be rewarded immediately more than delayed • Unknown, randomly selected • Reward the whole class for when the subgroup meets criteria (otherwise don’t say anything)

Classwide Good Behaviour Game

Individualized Needs

• 2+ teams (I prefer adults vs. kids) • Review & post rules • Earn special privileges for having less than X rule violations • Each successful team accesses reward • Contingency: rule following connected with GROUP consequence • Leverages major classroom motivator for following rules: peers

• Have students with similar needs meet • At the start of the week, discuss • Successes • How to set them up for success • At the end of the week, • Review their successes • What they have to do over the weekend.

• Attached meaning + value + support and care to boost confidence and engagement

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Check-In CheckOut (CICO)

• Enhanced student-adult relationships • Immediate feedback • Increased self-monitoring • Data-driven decision making

Self-regulation Pyramid

Individual factors Opportunities Social connection Supportive environment

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The # 1 thing they need to learn?

Behaviours are Driven by Emotion

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How to manage the experience of big emotions when they show up Not the actual trigger

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Curiosity is a key response to emotional experiences

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Focus on the student not the behaviour Externalize Behaviours & Work as a Team

Externalize

They are not their behaviour

Things to watch for: • Mind robbers • Brain drainers • Freaking out Fran • Mean Jean • Explosive Bob • Worry Wanda • Distracting Dan • Yelling McGee

Get on offense and make a plan together – you’re on the same team!

• When does it show up?

• How does it show up?

• What can you do?

• What support do you need?

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Expose it Remind how emotions works  Yep, there’s Bob, that’s what it does.  Wow, it’s really working hard to make me yell today!  Yeah, I knew it’d show up now. It doesn’t want me to write the test.  It wants me to avoid new things.  It really knows how to try to stress people out.

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Planned Ignoring!

• You are NOT going to respond to any of these henchmen: • Time wasters • Mind robbers • Brain drainers • Mean Jean • Explosive Bob • Worry Wanda • Distracting Dan • Yelling McGee

But you will be ready for the student when they have taken back control of their PFC • When they _________

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Build Acceptance & Tolerance • NOT resist, control, or eliminate emotions • Focus on ending fear of discomfort • I am uncomfortable but I am going to do this anyway

They start to worry about the physical feelings, which are distressing, which they will do anything to stop Become reactive Misinterpret and leads to more sensations…

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They need to know that we MUST have physical reactions to alert us to what is happening • Cannot change reactions without this understanding

Emotions show up in the body

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Practice!

Structured teaching trials where we set up the stressor and teach students the skills they need to tolerate and cope with the stress

Practice  Not being first in line  Losing a game  Meeting a cute puppy  iPad unavailable  Someone cheats at soccer  Making a mistake

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Teaching (teach skills through small steps and supported interactions) vs. social stories Understand: Function of the behaviour Identify: Desired/expected behaviour Rationale: Ensure their buy-In Teach: Model, Role-play Practice: Structured & Success-oriented Evaluate: Constant feedback invisible

• Which child was most like you?

• Why? • Who was successful?

• What did they do to be successful?

• Who wasn’t successful?

• What could they have done to be successful?

• When is it better to get the small reward right away vs. the big reward later?

• When is it better to wait?

• When have you chosen the bigger reward later over the smaller one right away?

• What are your marshmallows? Your phones? iPad? Videogames?

• When is it important to think before you act?

• When do you NOT need to think before they act?

Goal: Waiting for things we want

Teaching Resistance training: Structured teaching trials to learn to resist the temptation  Do vs. not do  Proactive  Clear expectations and consequences  Ongoing support for success  Short redirection vs. lectures

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Takes time

Capitalize on current challenges!

• Challenges are part of life & dealing with them is part of learning.

• Optimize teachable moments Let them figure out the fight on the playground themselves!

Let them try.

Let them fail (but don’t set them up for failure) Work through next steps and how to fix things

Create challenges!  Challenge of the day, week, or month Work through things on their own Might get frustrated in the moment but the intrinsic reward once solved is far greater than if helped

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Get Meta!

Cue (vs. prompt)  How will you get started?  How will know when you are done?  How will you keep going if it gets hard? If you are tired?  What will this look like?  How long will it take? (How long did it take before?)  How do you know what you need?  How do you know where to start?  How did you know how to do that?  What would you do the same way? Differently?  Did this meet your prediction of difficulty?  What have you done to be successful in the past?

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Conflict Resolution Teach!

• Normal part of relationships!

• Not a bad thing – can be positive • Examples of helpful vs. unhelpful responses

Practice Flexibility: Getting Unstuck • Looks like _____ is trying to make your amygdala stuck • What little change can help?

• How can you try something different?

• Have them think of hows • How will you respond?

• How will you make your next move?

• How will you handle (the situation)?

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Conflict Resolution Effective Communication Use teaching interactions  Reciprocity in relationships

Drawbacks to Angry Interactions When is _________ helpful? When is it not helpful?

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Promote self-reflection • What does prosocial behaviour mean?

• How do you know when someone is being prosocial?

• What types things have you done to help others?

• How did it feel?

• What are the benefits of helping others?

• Who is someone you know who is kind or helps others?

• How do they interact with others?

• How come some people are prosocial and some aren’t?

• How come some kids choose to bully others and some don’t?

• Are some people prosocial sometimes and not others?

• What gets in the way of them being prosocial sometimes?

• What motivates you to be kind to others?

• How do you think being prosocial affects your relationships with others?

Model!

• Polite & respectful behaviours • Verbal • nonverbal • Listening • Validating others • Collaboratively problem-solving

Bonus Material

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Reactive Strategies

Avoid Reinforcing Problem Behaviours

Avoid Counterproductive Approaches!

Lecturing

• Proactively establish expectations & calmly remind them

• Pre-established expectations, active listening, choices

Power struggles • Privacy!

Arguing Confrontation

• Stay calm and assertive

• Wait until calm & offer invitation • Establish regular meeting times

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Avoid Counterproductive Approaches!

Threatening

• Clear, concise, consistent logical/natural consequences proactively established

Unhelpful communication

• Validate their feelings • Active listening & collaboration

Inconsistency & Snap decisions

• Consistently enforce rules and apply consequences

Labelling

• Focus most on adaptive behaviours • Focus on behaviour not the child

Avoid Punishment Limited effectiveness in behaviour change • Increased aggression, avoidance, delinquent behaviours, and school dropout • Higher re-offense rates • Negative impact on academic achievement & social success • Does not teach skills • Damage to adult-child relationships • Contributes to long-term negative consequences

Get Them Thinking About Their Own Behaviours • Your choice. No skin off my back!

• Ask questions • What is this, a zoo?

• What is this, a preschool?

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Put them to work With an IMPORTANT JOB

Act vs. Talk

Behavioural momentum • Give quick instructions of high probability requests in succession • Add lower probability Instruction

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Get Curious Not Furious

Separate Consequence Discussions from Emotional Validation

Verbal aggression Master listener & compassion • Acknowledge the upset & validate their experience • You understand their pain • Show safety • Praise! They are communicating with words!

• Be natural and neutral

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Verbal aggression & Threats • Doable & targeted to someone • Dangerous (especially if they are holding scissors etc.!)

• Doable but not targeted at anyone specific • Credible but less predictable

Always: • Validate & listen • Disarm • Stay calm • Don’t take it personally!

• Lots of love & positive attention when calm

• Use environment to create safety

Verbal aggression & Threats • Yell or swear at someone specific without threats • Yell or swear without threats to no one in particular

• Screaming – likely sensory overload

Always: • Validate & listen • Disarm • Stay calm • Don’t take it personally!

• Lots of love & positive attention

• Teach boundaries proactively • In crisis though: Meh • Just words • Normal reaction • Helps release tension (better than aggression!)

• Stay calm • Otherwise, we teach this is an effective hurtful strategy

How would you respond?

You are the worst person in the universe and I hate you. You are a dumb f&%ing a%%hole.

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Ideas on how to respond?

Master listener & compassion • Acknowledge the upset & validate their experience • You understand their pain • Show safety • Be natural and neutrak

“Ugh, you really don’t like this math. I can see how upset you are and hate the thought of doing this right now.”

• Always validate their experience and • Ensure they feel that we understand.

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• Teach skills • Break cards • Modify environment • Proactive breaks • Intermittent reinforcement In the class (and missing out when not)

Escape behaviours

Physical aggression Adults & Kids Master De-Escalation & Crisis Management

Physical aggression towards you Dignity & respect Create safety Collaborative Framework De-escalation strategies • Create space • Call for help

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Physical aggression: Escorting or Evacuation?

Avoid physical restraint, but: • When, How, Who & Where • Return plan afterwards Evacuation system: • Subtle! Don’t make a big deal about the behaviour • Code word & practice drills

• Likely not helpful (they already know what they did wrong) • Collaborate

Managing Behaviours When you feel the need to respond

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It is critical that students can save face and have the chance to self-correct or solve the problem on their own

Least-to-most intrusive response

Choice

Proactive conversations

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Understand what the behaviour tells us

Overall framework for behaviour change

Address motivation of behaviour and behaviour change

How is the child motivated

Teach skills

Safety, mutual respect

Mistake of the day/ Honourary Mistake Wall

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Embracing mistakes What was this experience like?

What did you learn today?

What mistake did you make that taught you something?

What did you try hard at today?

What can you learn from this?

What will you do the next time you are in this situation?

What advice can you tell others based on this?

10/17/2024

Important!

It is not what they did wrong that counts, but what they do next.

Hard

Working on It

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Success!

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Important Considerations for Success

Exercise!!!

• Strengthens the brain • Chemicals calm brain during stress • Stress chemicals released to help stressed out system recover efficiently • Promotes attention and other key skills

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Sleep!!!

• Critical for learning: glue for remembering • Need good night sleep before exam • Need good sleep after studying for exam!

• Helps manage stress • Helps eat better

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More sleep = • Better grades & standardized scores • Less depression • Increased attendance • Less car crashes • Less impulsivity • More control over emotions • Less aggression • Fewer symptoms and illnesses 10/17/2024

Hydration!

Important Considerations

Healthy diet

Collections

Appropriate Physical recreation pursuits leisure activities Creative Nature

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Bonus Resources

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Developing a personal action plan What traps do I need to get out of?

How can I improve my approach for effective communication?

What can I do proactively ?

What can I start collaboratively problem-solving?

What I can do to strengthen our relationship?

Self-Regulation Battery Example Signs for Billy’s energy level Optimal participation  Communicates needs  Easily transitions  Engaging  Smiles  Follows requests easily  Follows rules

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Self-regulation support • Adults monitoring his energy levels & providing support as needed • First-then for less preferred activities • Regular breaks to do energy restoring activities

Still need support!!

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

OK Participation Self-regulation support  Seeks  First-then attention/connection  Visual schedule  Can choose and engage in  Choices tasks with frequent check-  Hands-on activities out ins and available to use  Responds to strategies  Social acknowledgment offered when requested  OK with following rules  Frequent breaks with  Transitions with support energy restoring activities  Negotiates-can come to  Regularly monitoring signs agreement of stress

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Struggling to participate  Echolalia  Grabs  Less agreeable Little patience/hard to wait  Impulsive  Says he is “bored”  Stomps feet  Moves away from group  May not eat when needed/hungry  Self-Initiating breaks  1:1 support to do activities  1:1 support to transition  Rigid negotiations  Anxiety

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy Co-regulation support

 First-then  Modify expectations  Following his lead about calming activities  Physical activities  1:1 quiet time  Self-regulation supports Into routines  Connect before direct  Reduce stressors draining energy  Energy boosting activity

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Still need support!!

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Struggling to participate Calming co-regulation support:  Unresponsive  Calm tone of voice  Does not following prompts  Listen vs. talk connected to routines  Focus on connection  Pinching self  Reduce stressors draining  Runs away from group energy  Hyper, giggly, silly, high-pitched  Acknowledge emotions squeal  Say there for support  Arguing  Provide low energy options for  Noncompliant expectations  Rigid  Cuddles  Trying to get control of the situation  Throwing things  Anxious

Signs for Billy’s energy level

Self-regulation Plan/supports for Billy

Very Challenging Behaviours  Physical aggression  Verbal aggression  Running away  Screaming  Hitting  Face turning red  Crying

Emphasizing cues of safety  Position body lower than his  Minimal talking  Let him know you are there with him/there to help him If needed  Give time and follow his lead for space or connection  Keep him safe

Optimize the Environment: Self-Assessment

• Is the classroom arranged to accommodate the needs of all students? Is the home environment organized in a way that supports structured activities and routines for your child?

• Are routines been established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day?

• Are there three to five positive expectations outlined and prominently displayed? Have these been clearly defined and taught to children?

• Are prompts and active supervision used proactively to guide behaviour positively in anticipation of potential challenges?

• Is there a variety of opportunities for children to actively participate and engage at a high frequency, encouraging positive interactions and learning?

• Is specific praise and other positive reinforcement strategies regularly used to acknowledge and encourage the behaviors you wish to see more frequently?

• Are reminders consistently provided before a potential behavioural issue arises, to preemptively address and guide expected behaviour?

• Are responses to misbehaviours appropriate, consistent, and systematic, ensuring a clear understanding of consequences?

• Is there a system in place for collecting and analyzing behaviour-related data to inform strategies and interventions?

Does the environment support student needs?

Sstrategically Optimize Classroom Environment • Versatile and activity-centric learning environment • Diverse instructional activities (e.g., small groups, whole-class lessons, and individual learning stations) • Create a dynamic learning space that is activity-centric • Enhance visibility and accessibility: Clear sightlines and easy access for both teacher-led and student-centered activities.

• Strategic Seating Arrangements to foster interaction and ease of movement.

• Facilitate smooth transitions between activities.

• Ready-to-Use Materials • Keep instructional resources organized and within reach.

Optimize Classroom Environment • Visual aids • Manage personal and instructional materials • Provide clear options for storing personal items • Regularly assess the classroom setup to ensure that all students are visible and engaged, adjusting seating as necessary to promote inclusivity.

Consider

• Avoid blind spots where students or sections of the room are out of the teacher's sightline.

• Mitigate congestion and design clear pathways • Ensure furniture is appropriately sized and arranged to support the physical comfort and engagement of all students.

Optimal Home Environment • Create defined spaces and ensure to personalize them!

• Designate specific areas for various activities, such as homework, play, and relaxation.

• Tailor the study and play spaces to their preferences and needs, incorporating their input to increase their comfort and sense of ownership over their space.

• Provide a quiet, comfortable spot for downtime or when feeling overwhelmed.

• Foster independence with organized choices • Arrange belongings and toys in a way that allows the child to make choices independently, within set boundaries to foster autonomy while maintaining a structured environment.

Optimal Home Environment • Visual schedules and rules • Visuals for daily routines and expectations.

• Display clear, simple rules in a visible area to reinforce expectations and boundaries consistently.

• Ensure accessibility and organization • Organize essential materials in accessible, designated places to foster independence and responsibility.

• Use labeled bins or shelves for toys and supplies to promote responsibility and ease in finding and returning items. Clear labeling and consistency in where items are stored can help reduce frustration and conflict.

Optimal Home Environment • Minimize high-stress areas • Identify and modify areas in the home where conflicts frequently occur, aiming to reduce triggers. This may involve rearranging spaces to avoid cramped conditions or creating clearer divisions between activity areas.

• Keep the living space orderly and minimize clutter to reduce sensory overload and distractions, supporting calmness.

• Safety and adaptability • Regularly assess the home for safety, ensuring that furniture and home setups do not pose risks and are adaptable to the child’s changing needs.

Are routines established, explicitly taught, and made predictable to ensure a smooth flow of activities throughout the day? In the Classroom: Elementary Examples

High School Examples

• Ensure activities follow a predictable sequence.

• Explicitly teach and practice routines for daily activities.

• Acknowledge and reward students who follow these routines and procedures – encourage collaboration!

• Encourage students to manage their schedules and follow established routines with more autonomy.

• Implement structured routines for each class period, including a warm-up activity, review of previous lessons, introduction of new material, and a summary or wrapup activity.

Routines At Home

• Consistent and structured daily routine for wakeup times, meals, homework, play, and bedtime.

• Teach and practice home routines with your child. Clearly outline the steps involved in each task and practice them together.

• Acknowledge and reward your child when they follow these routines.

• Consider what is developmentally appropriate!

• Younger children: Focus on simple, visual schedules.

• Older children and adolescents: Have them create their schedules and manage their responsibilities. Discuss and collaborate routines together, such as homework times and household chores, ensuring they are realistic and mutually agreed upon.

Avoid • Minimizing the need for structure • Assuming kids will instinctively know the expectations and naturally adapt to meet those expectations without clear guidance.

• Failing to use visual cues • Neglecting to provide feedback on their adherence to routines • Failing to recognize and celebrate successes • Inconsistent enforcement of rules and routines

Connections to Positive Activities & Organizations

Sports & Physical Exercise

Music

Volunteering

Clubs or after school jobs

Consistent routines & lesson structure

Talk less

Clear expectations

Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

Revisit and reinforce expectations

Things to look forward to through the day!

Structured tasks & teaching

Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules

One predictable detail at a time

Visual schedules and time organizers

Minimize distractions

Individualized checklists for task completion

Helpful • Engaging (interests)

• Clear expectations

• Immediate consequences

• Posted timetables, rules, and expectations

• Frequent feedback

• Things to look forward to through the day!

• Personally important or relevant

• Shorter tasks, explicit, closed ended

• Early

• One predictable detail at a time

• Supervised

• Minimize distractions

• 1:1 • Structured • Clear expectations and jobs • Close to needed materials • Quiet/low arousal • Choices • Consistent routines & lesson structure

• Talk less • Revisit and reinforce expectations • Structured tasks & teaching • Structure nonroutine or chaotic situations with a specific plan, job, or rules • Visual schedules and time organizers • Individualized checklists for task completion

Not so helpful

Boring tasks Delayed consequences Infrequent feedback Low importance tasks Late in the day Unsupervised settings Group situations Unstructured activities Uncertainty Need to search for materials Loud/high arousal environments Excessive multitasking requirements Overloaded sensory stimuli without a relevant educational focus Sudden changes in schedule or expectations without preparation Overemphasis on competition rather than cooperation Poor relationships with peers Poor relationships with teachers

• Have students with similar needs meet

Individualized Needs

• At the start of the week, discuss • Successes • How to set them up for success • At the end of the week, • Review their successes • What they have to do over the weekend.

• Attached meaning + value + support and care to boost confidence and engagement

Types of Reinforcement Verbal praise Social or activity

• Be specific with what they did!

• Thank you for cleaning up right away. That really helps the class and now we have time to go to recess early!

• Choice of people, activities (can be to escape too!)

• Logical & pair with verbal

Tangible

• Object or food • Temporary or permanent • Logical & pair with verbal

Token

• Sticker, coupon, marble & back-up • Logical & pair with verbal • Manageable

Reward ideas Homework pass

Pass from a class or task

Store (e.g., pencils or erasers)

Lunch with the teacher

Bring a friend from another class

Free time in class or extra recess

Choose a seat for the day

Positive call home

Keep class mascot

Front of line pass

Clasroom coupons for privileges

Dance party

Treasure box

Movie

Bonus point

Talent show

Music choice

Late pass

Science experiment

Extra computer

Class leader

Teacher chair

Podcast

Scavenger hunt

Teacher dress up

8 Forces of Motivation Gregariousness

Inquisitiveness

Power

Affiliation

• Need to belong

• Need to know

• Need for control

• Need to associate and belong

Autonomy

Aggression

Recognition

• Need for independence

• Need to assert

• Need for acknowledgement

Conduct a Praise Assessment!

• How do you like receiving praise? How do you hate receiving praise?

• Create a developmentally appropriate assessment form with a menu of lots of feasible options • Praise students based on their preferences • Reflect and adjust!

Boosting Motivation  Choices & anything to foster independence and responsibility  Incorporating child preferences  Positive before anything corrective  Positive attitude  Statements of self-efficacy and encouragement  Reward for practicing  Positive before negative  Mix low appealing tasks with high appealing  Breaks between tasks  Relaxation  Exercise/movement  Music  Humour  Interacting with peers