Take the Land Line, Leave the Crocs

By Charley Githler

It’s a symptom of how degraded our society has become, but I long ago ditched the delivery of a daily newspaper to my front doorstep, and read my news now on my phone every morning. Aside from the ocular damage that ensues, it means I am prone to being sucked down clickbait rabbit holes until a passing family member slaps the phone from my hands.

Admittedly, I’ve invested too much time learning what body language experts think Kate Middleton’s raised eyebrows signify. I was ensnared this morning by this headline: “50 Uncool Things Boomers Won’t Give Up”.

instance, which is a perfect blend of sort of instant communication without face-to-face interaction. We should have stopped inventing things immediately after email became a thing. And toast! Why do Millennials and Gen-zers have it in for the least offensive, most heartwarming food of them all?

The more you encourage people to minimize their income (you only qualify if you can get it below $35k/ year), the more people will do just that. People value leisure time, and if you reward them for spending less time working so that they can enjoy even more leisure time, then that is what they will do. Public policies like that are harmful since they reduce total economic output. Granted, seniors typically aren't working much anyway, however people can still restructure their finances in order to qualify for the benefit/ exemption. Unless the local government cuts spending, then all this policy does is increase the tax burden on non-seniors.

Richard Ballantyne

persistent in our efforts to bring investment and quality-of-life improvements to West Downtown.

With renewed determination, let’s work as a community to address the challenges of West Downtown and the West End. Bit by bit, project by project, let’s enact our community-led strategies, to improve opportunities for all, expand our vision of Downtown, and create a place where all are welcomed, served, and proud.

The syntactically-challenged intro read as follows: “If you’re a Boomer reading this, we’re sorry in advance. But we have no choice but to inform you that a lot of things you’ve been doing for, well, ever, are pretty uncool. And although you make think otherwise, these trends are never coming back in style, so you have to accept it.” It went on to detail 50 “unforgivable trends”.

First, I was disconcerted recently to find that I am actually a member of ‘Generation Jones’ - a subcategory of Boomers that I had never heard of comprised of those born between 1954 and 1965. We didn’t fight in any wars or anything, and tend to spin the fact that we grew up in a world of second-hand smoke, leaded gas and no bicycle helmets to mean that we were tough instead of stupid. Still, 44 of the uncool items on the list had direct application to me.

Second, a good portion of the criticism was legit. Ditching the land line, giving up paying paper bills by check, getting rid of phone books...welcome to the 21st century, Grandma.

Others, though, I would submit, are subjects suitable for debate. Email, for

It’s when they pass judgment on sartorial (that means ‘clothing’, youngsters) matters that I feel a line is being crossed. Fanny packs, sure, though they’re actually in or out of style several times a day. But tucked-in shirts? I suppose we’re all supposed to walk around with shirttails flying, like zoo animals. Crocs? Socks and sandals? These are victimless crimes, at worst.

In my teen years, which were in the late 1960s and early ‘70s, there was a demographic of older men that wore fedora hats. (For anyone under 45, it’s the hat Clark Kent wore.) By that point, nobody younger than 50 was wearing hats any more, not like they used to. They taught us in Drivers Ed that if you saw the silhouette of a fedora on the driver in the car in front of you, you were about to witness some bad driving. The thing is, though, there is no way those fedora-wearing gentlemen would have given the slightest rat’s ass that my generation thought that fedoras were uncool.

I get that Boomer Rules no longer apply. It’s actually OK to change jobs. You should think about whether college makes sense. The only reason to have cable is TCM. I also get that every day since 1997 we’ve being progressively more programmed to seek approval via social media. But I feel like some pushback is in order. So if you see me from now on, I’m not wearing the fedora ironically. I’m bringing them back, and I don’t care who thinks it’s not cool.