The Strength of Brotherhood

the situation as an embarrassment to the family, the work of Satan or the spouse “getting away” with something, instead of helping him/her accept reality and reform his/her behavior.

The Peaceful Families Project (PFP) is a 22-year-old U.S.-based national nonprofit organization working to eliminate family-based violence in Muslim homes using Islamic values and teachings through training research, resource development and affiliated partnerships. The Quran and Hadith are clear on women’s rights (4:1); the model of a marriage based on love, compassion and mercy creating peace for all involved (30:21) and the prohibition of oppression and maltreatment (4:19) — yet somehow our communities aren’t upholding these most basic tenets.

The level of denial seems to be the biggest obstacle: “Not in our community,” “I’ve never heard of such a thing,” “It’s a Western problem” are the most common responses to the presented data. If people don’t acknowledge a social reality, it’s almost impossible to address or prevent it.

In 2011, PFP, in coordination with Project Sakinah, conducted a community-wide survey of DV in the Muslim community. It found that 53% of Muslims had faced violence perpetrated by family members and 66% knew of a Muslim that had been physically abused by a family member (parent, sibling, or spouse), despite Islam’s clear mandates and models for leadership, conflict resolution and peaceful partings.

PFP offers a wide variety of relevant programs, resources and curriculums focused on Peaceful Parenting (non-violent child rearing), Peaceful Futures (curriculum on Muslim identity and developing healthy relationships for middle school, high school, and university-aged youth), Peaceful Partners (Male Allies programs), Muslim Abusive Patterns Intervention (a faith-based curriculum for those engaging in family-based violence), Peaceful Partings (programing for divorce and co-parenting), as well as Peaceful World (international initiatives to spread Peaceful Families’ mission to Muslims worldwide).

These programs are open to all and generated locally through PFP trainers and supporters. PFP holds an annual training of trainers workshop for interested individuals as well as several community-based trainings and activities — both virtually and in person — monthly for organizations willing to host events.

Incidents of domestic homicide cast a shadow on Muslims by tarnishing Islam’s reputation as the perfect religion and plant seeds of doubt in Muslims, who begin to consider leaving Islam due to this misrepresentation and the support given to the perpetrators. In 2013, the Pew Foundation reported that 25% of individuals raised in Muslim homes abandon Islam. Victims of domestic and family-based violence, especially where the perpetrator uses the Quran or Hadith to justify their brutality, often become confused and believe that

BY JASMINE ALI

“A person should help his brother, whether he is an oppressor or is being oppressed. If he is the oppressor, he should prevent him from continuing his oppression, for that is helping him. If he is being oppressed, he should be helped to stop the oppression against him” Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu 'alayhi wa sallam) (“Sahih Bukhari,” Vol. 3, Hadith 624).

The Peaceful Families Project (PFP) is a nonprofit organization dedicated to addressing violence in Muslim homes within the framework off Islamic principles. The most common type of such violence is domestic violence (DV), defined as a method of physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, emotional, financial and/or spiritual abuse conducted by an adult member of the home, most often the husband. DV can be described as a cycle of intentional behavior designed to, either consciously or unconsciously, obtain and maintain power and control over another family member.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, oppression is an “unjust or cruel exercise of authority or power.” As such, we can see an almost parallel concept. What, then, does our faith instruct us to do when faced with the knowledge that individuals in our community are oppressing others? We are instructed to stop the oppression.

Our Peaceful Partners program is working to do just that by utilizing our not-so-secret weapon: Male Allies, Muslim brothers from across the country who meet monthly to brainstorm ideas and develop relevant curriculum components for fellow Muslim men. Through DV studies and research, we as a country have learned that interventions led by men who are trusted and respected by those men who engage in DV tend to have the most impact on behavioral change. This reality led to the creation of Peaceful Partners, the backbone of our curriculum development to directly prevent and address this practice.

Being a faith-specific organization, our organization transcends

Islam promotes oppression, injustice and violence against the innocent.

Due to the recent tragic events, PFP is initiating a national and international project to recognize, document the stories of and honor all Muslim victims of domestic homicide. Data will be collected to help DV experts identify the critical factors that lead to domestic homicide and how we can prevent any more loss of life. Equally, as a community we will be able to hear the victims’ names and stories, make du‘a for them and place their lives in the high regard — as they so rightly deserve.

While we are aware of and deeply understand the effects of the pervasive Islamophobia faced by many Muslims worldwide, community members cannot use this as an excuse to deny the reality of domestic homicide in their midst. PFP is committed to gathering information about these narratives, for increasing our knowledge about the dangers of family-based violence and honoring its victims is part of the basic Islamic obligation to oppose oppression. Having definitive data will increase our community’s awareness and create more effective responses.

PFP asks everyone who is aware of a Muslim victim or incident of domestic homicide in the North American community to participate in this critical activity. The data will be analyzed in its conglomerate form, and no personal narrative will be used in an identifiable manner without the appropriate family members or representative’s explicit desire and permission.

DV is a form of oppression, and we are responsible for confronting oppression in all of its forms.

“I heard the messenger of God say ‘Whoever of you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand: and if he is not able to do so, with his tongue, and if he is not able to do so, with his heart. And that is the weakest of faith (Muslim, 34; “40 Hadith an-Nawawi”).

In contemporary terms —with our hands (offering direct support to victims, donating to organizations like PFP, volunteering at a local DV shelter, physically stopping domestic violence when it occurs in front of us), with our tongues (speaking out against DV in our masjids, at community events and within our families; teaching about healthy relationships in youth programs and in pre-marital classes, etc.), and in our hearts (making du‘a for the victims of family-based violence, researching and learning more about DV in our community and studying the verses and hadith that address family relationships).

Three things you can do immediately: • Muslim Men. Take the peaceful partner pledge: (https://www.peacefulfamilies. org/ppp) • Muslims aged 18+. Complete the American Muslim Intimate Partner Violence Survey (bit.ly/AMIPVsurvey) and • All Muslims. Learn more about DV, support PFP’s efforts to eliminate DV in our community by following us on social media, sharing resources and donating. ih

Denise Ziya Berte, Ph.D., is PFP’s executive director.

the clinical research and pulls in guiding principles that originate from the Quran and Sunnah. Our Male Allies both discuss ways to address change and shoulder the roles of change-maker and role model. They dedicate themselves to their communities as representatives of Islam and peaceful foundations in relationships. Using Islamic principles, they consult with local imams, demonstrate peaceful interactions and showcase how to change the contrary cultural narrative of how Muslim men are “supposed to” act toward their wives, children and family members.

In conjunction with Peaceful Partners, PFP has been working to launch Peaceful Futures, Peaceful World, Peaceful Parenting and Peaceful Partings. Peaceful Futures, launched in 2022 for middle school, high school and university/college-aged individuals, explores Muslim identity, gender, family, healthy relationships, emotional management, diversity/tolerance and cyber citizenship. Peaceful World offers the Peaceful Family curriculums and trainings to our global partners in Canada, Palestine, Pakistan and beyond. Peaceful Parenting, which will be launched in a few months, works to enhance the development of strong Muslim individuals through positive, effective behavioral management skills and an increased understanding of children’s emotional, cognitive and spiritual development. Peaceful Partings, to be launched later this year, explores the gift of family restructuring via divorce or separation by focusing on how to manage grief, co-parenting and re-building trusting collaborative family systems to support children and adults through the challenges of change.

By utilizing all of our current and upcoming programs, the Peaceful Families Project is working to holistically stop DV. With our community’s support, the professional knowledge of our curriculum developers and the dedicated effort of our Male Allies, we are dreaming of a violence-free future. We are dreaming of peace, insha’ Allah. ih