Bullying Is Not Just For School

By Alice O'Brien, Churchview Psychotherapy, Millstreet

When we think of a bully, we think about our youth, our school years. We think of playground antics taken too far, pushing and shoving, name-calling and other such vile behavioursbut we always think of times past. Unfortunately the reality is that bullying is not confined to our youth, we don’t leave school and leave it all behind. Bullying behaviour is very common in adulthood, in workplaces, in families, even in peer groups or social settings.

It is important to be aware of the reasons a person engages in bullying type behaviours. We often think that something we have done has caused someone to treat us in this way- this is never true. A bully is a bully because of themselves, never because of you. Low selfesteem and self-confidence can often be the driving force behind such behaviours. Bullying can be a smoke screen to hide their insecurities, their low opinion of themselves. This is not a reason to excuse the behaviour but it can be a helpful awareness if you are at the receiving end of a bully.

What can you do if you are being bullied?

· Do not enter into direct confrontation with a bully- their ability to see reason is often clouded. Stay calm, use low tones and remove yourself from the situation.

· Do not take their comments or insults personally. Be confident in yourself- you are a good person and do not deserve this behaviour. It is never your fault.

· Call it out. Tell someone who will support you. If the bullying is happening in the workplace, familiarise yourself with the policies and procedures around bullying. All workplaces have an anti-bullying policy and you have a right to read it.

· Lastly and most importantly, stay safe. If you feel threatened or in danger then get to a safe place and confide in a trusted friend or family member.

Being at the receiving end of a bully is never easy but remember, a healthy mind never speaks ill of others, showing us that a bully never feels good inside.