Discover Duhallow Issue 64

Your Best Is Good Enough

By ALICE O’BRIEN Psychiatric Nurse

We hear a lot about selfesteem; how to keep it healthy, how it develops, and the effects of having negative or low self-esteem.

But what is self-esteem? Why is it important?

Self-esteem refers to our fundamental belief we have in ourselves, the value or worth we place on ourselves as a person. You may be a very accomplished decent person with many positive qualities, but if we believe we are inadequate, if we believe we are not good enough, or if our over-all picture of ourselves is negative then we have low self-esteem. This, in turn, will affect how we see ourselves and how we live our life. Thinking badly about ourselves can affect our mood, our motivation, and our enjoyment in life.

What are the signs of having low self-esteem?

•Being very critical of ourselves.

• Being very sensitive to criticism - feeling defensive when criticised.

• Difficulty making decisions as we do not trust our own judgement.

• Excessively trying to please others.

• Feeling guilty when putting ourselves first.

Low self-esteem can be caused by a number of different factors including early life experiences that may have given us negative messages about our worth, bullying experiences, traumatic relationships, or even stress.

So, how do we improve our self-esteem?

Firstly we can begin to question our self-critical thoughts. Just because we think something does not make it true. Self-critical thoughts can be loud and intrusive, but that does not make them true.

Secondly, drop the precautions that keep the beliefs in place. For example, we may not try anything new because our negative beliefs are telling us we would be no good - try it anyway and disprove the thought. If you don’t try you will never know.

Finally, learning to appreciate our positive qualities and treating ourselves with kindness and compassion can replace our negative self-belief. Using a notebook to log positive traits, actions, or achievements can help us to remember them when we are having difficulty recalling them.

And remember the golden rule of self-esteem;

You do not always have to be the best, your best is good enough.