Two simple words - Thank You

By ALICE O’BRIEN Alice O’Brien Counselling, Newmarket

So, you’ve spend all day thinking about what to make for dinner. Carefully considering the individual tastes of each family member. You get all the relevant ingredients, you spend time preparing, cooking and dishing out the meal. And what happens, they wolf it down like a pack of hungry hounds and disappear without even a thank you. It is understandable to feel under-appreciated sometimes, especially when your efforts go unacknowledged. Feeling appreciated is vital for our wellbeing and our relationships, without it resentment can build up and emotions like anger and disappointment can affect our communication.

There are many reasons why others might not express their gratitude, they may not be aware of the effort you put in. Others may be consumed by their own issues and simply forget or they may show their gratitude instead of expressing it in words. It is important to remember that it is not always personal and even thought you may feel under-appreciated that is not always the case. Addressing the issue can be helpful at times. Exploring expectations and boundaries in a clear way can be validating. Communicating clearly in a non-judgemental way can help. Using “I” statements instead of focusing on the other person and their actions- “I feel underappreciated” “I would appreciate a thank you occasionally” are some suggestions to start with. Focus on expressing your own feelings and listen to the responses you receive.

Although it is very important to be validated and thanked by others, it is more important to value yourself. Prioritising your own time and wellbeing, doing things that you enjoy can all add to your own sense of self-worth. Sometimes you need to give yourself a pat on the back if no one else does.