The Power of a Good Compliment

By ALICE O’BRIEN Alice O’Brien Counselling, Newmarket

On a cold Tuesday night in early January, I was facilitating a group of wonderful people in the James O’Keeffe Institute, Newmarket. We were talking about stress and how to manage it. During the group, some ladies referenced these articles, saying how much they enjoyed them. In typical Irish fashion, I batted away the compliment- because we’re Irish, we don’t do praise. But, I began to wonder what happens when we receive compliments? Or when we give a compliment?

Research has shown that when we receive a compliment a part of our brain lights up, the same part that lights up when we receive cash. It’s like a reward for our

self-esteem. Our brain releases dopamine, the same chemical that gets released when we fall in love, eat a cupcake, or meditate. When giving a compliment to someone else, we get the same physical reaction as when we express gratitude, it lifts our mood and boosts our over-all well-being.

So, what should we do when we receive a compliment? Well we should accept it? Graciously listen, thank the person for giving it and most importantly, believe it. We can acknowledge our own abilitieswe work hard to achieve them. It all sounds so simple, so why do we struggle accepting compliments? Firstly, we may have some beliefs about appearing proud, or arrogant. We might feel the need to show that we are modest and bashful, even if that means putting ourselves down.

Also, it may be related to our self-esteem, if we have a lot of negative thoughts about ourselves, we find it hard to believe that anyone else would see us as good, competent people.

So, never underestimate the power of a good compliment, if you get the chance to give one to someone then do it, you never know the difference it can make to someone.

You never know the reach of a few kind words. As Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment”.