The Grenadine

the grenadine iowa city west high school

2901 melrose ave.

iowa city, ia 52246

volume 1 issue 1

may 31 2013

Students at West reflect on how much religion really matters - and how much it should.

pages 7-9

cover art // kelsey keranen {page design //grace young}

A look at the new football practice regulations and what’s to come for Trojan football.

11

06

Abby Walling ‘15 and the power of grass.

Th infl e Gr ue ena nc din ei n t e inv he est Un iga ite tes d S re tat ligi es. ou s

09

15

West High students reveal their deepest secrets.

10

Pomegranates of Iowa City: a photo story.

the

staff

contents

kelsey keranen // art & copy editor grace young // design editor megan kann // photo editor valerie hsieh // editor-in-chief

of

Student Pro

14

07-

‘13

file

:

Tavian Smith

Grenadine is French for pomegrante hence our fruit themed scrolling facts.} may 31, 2013 table of contents 01

WHATIN THE WORLD?

{page design and compiled by // valerie hsieh}

Germany A drunk Frenchman kneeled down in front of Germany’s biggest synagogue and pointed a toy gun at officers guarding the building.

by the

numbers

Orlando, Florida An Orlando man was arrested after he admitted to firing weapons at a public dock. He promptly defecated in his own pants.

7 327 21.84

Number of teachers that were pregnant this school year.

Iceland There’s a new app in Iceland that allows people to “bump” phones, to check if they are distantly related in order to prevent accidental incest.

Australia A man managed to fight his way free from a crocodile that bit his head while he was swimming in northern Australia.

source: google news

3

Rank of West High School among all high schools in America.

Tavian Smith’s winning time for the 200-meter dash at the State Track meet.

Find Nic Cage Email thegrenadinemag@gmail.com with the page numbers and locations of all six Nicolas Cages for the chance to win a free Grenadine t-shirt!

Turnt up

the act of getting drunk and high to the maximum; getting loose {i.e. being wild or engaging in sexual activity}

1 Can’t get enough of The Grenadine? Go to wsspaper.com to find our web content!

1 - Website to help with your homegrown garden recipes.

2 - Photo essay on how to do your own screenprinting 3 - Video profile on Elizabeth Han ‘16.

4 - Video of anecdotes from West High students on advice to incoming freshmen.

2

4

from urban dictionary

“Batology” is the taxonomic study of blackberries. } may 31, 2013 blurbs 03

A

Heart beats on

grace young // the grenadine

n old man sporting a hunters-orange windbreaker climbs atop a stepstool and the crowd goes silent. Runners to your marks. The athletes take one last moment to shake the fatigue from their legs, some cross themselves and point to the sky while others coil into the blocks with stony looks of concentration. Set. The man in orange raises his arm as spandex-clad boys balance on trembling arms, awaiting their wake-up call. The gun pops and the stadium and the runners come alive.

A group of spectators sporting neon green shirts watch expectantly as the runners round the curve heading into the homestretch. Their anticipatory murmurs turn to shouts as the runner in lane 3 begins to pull ahead of the pack. The group calls out words of encouragement, desperately trying to coax just a bit more energy out of their teammate and cheer as he crosses the finish line in a race too close to call. Expectant eyes then turn to the scoreboard, awaiting the results. “Smith 21.84” flashes up on the board first and whoops of excitement escape as if they were the ones who had just won a state title. Tavian Smith ’13 throws a fist into the air and turns to embrace his fellow competitors. Emotions from winning his final race as a West High Trojan bubble to the surface.

As the adrenaline wears off, pulses return to normal. But “normal” to Smith is not quite the same. Smith, the Usain Bolt of West High, deals with an enlarged heart that on occasion causes chest pains following intense training. Despite medical is-

sues, Smith was the driving force behind West High’s sprint team this spring, winning the 200 meter dash, placing fourth in the 100 meter dash as well as in the long jump at the state meet.

Had the world seen Smith Thursday night following a hamstring injury suffered during preliminary heats of the 200 meter dash, few would expect him to even run, let alone win. On the bus ride back to the hotel, the pain was evident as he gripped the seat, loaded up on ibuprofen and applied ice. At that point, it was unknown if he would even be able to compete the following two days.

“It took

04 profile may 31, 2013 { In Florida there are approximately 10.3 million citrus trees.

{page design // megan kann}

some encouragement for my teammates and my coaches and even some trainers [to get] me in the right mindset, [telling me to] believe in myself despite my injury. Having their faith gave me the willpower to just push through it all,” Smith said.

Rewind the clock three more months and the outlook is even more grim.

Smith’s condition had reached the point where he would pass out following intense practice sessions.“[We had] to quickly figure out how to manage because he had the medical problems but he was ok to return. We had to figure out how to manage what ever issues would come up and still allow him to have success and the team to have success,” said Neil Davis, assistant boys track coach.

And find success he did. In a classic story of overcoming adversity, Smith has recorded his place in West High record books as a part of the school-record-holding 1600 medley relay team of Andrew Gilbaugh ’14, Ahmed Noureldaim ’14, and Bailey Wetherell ’13, along with numerous other outstanding performances throughout the season.

Smith hopes to carry his talents to a Division 1 college next year, ideally Iowa.

On the tail

{page design // megan kann}

of

I

siblings

megan kann // the grenadine

n a school of 2000 or so, we would like to think that we are all a tight-knit family, but honestly, that would be a bit weird. Throughout the 180 days, we bicker with friends like little children and resent our teachers like we do our parents.

Boys have a bro code, and the ladies unite like sisters when challenged. But some really have a brother or a sister that has led them through West, and sometimes they leave a hard spot to fill. When an older sibling has been through West already, it can seem like getting their old hand-me-downs: worn out and unexciting. But no worries, there are still plenty of mistakes that you can make, plenty of things that they haven’t done, plenty of teachers that don’t already know of you.

Having a sibling at West can come in handy once in awhile, like when they give you rides to school on those terribly cold and snowy mornings. Except when they forget and leave without you or decide you don’t deserve a ride on that icy morning and you are forced to walk or beg a ride from your parents. “Not only does [my sister] drive me to school, but she also leaves without me sometimes. She’s a stickler for time management, and I am a bit slow, so she leaves me at home, alone and sad,” said Alex Aaberg ’15.

During those busy months of school, sightings of your older sib-

“

ling are few and far between, but to have someone to give you advice, when you are in the same building someone who has a tried and testall day it is hard to miss them. When ed method for the madness. When passing in the hallway you make choosing classes or teachers it is goofy faces at each other or trade a nice to be informed on their difmeaningful glance. If nothing else, ficulty or an over view of the year. you can exchange a few grudg“I have avoided taking certain ing words on the classes and also ride to and from. my parents know “I think being in a lot more about the same school high school and has helped my are more relaxed sister and [me] after they went become a lot through one kid closer,” said Chrisalready. I like to tine Kallsen ’16. think of Erin as - Alex Aaberg ’15 the test-dummy,” You may feel pressured to step into said Kallsen. When their shoes and do you have seen what what they did, but if you try to be the your older sibling has done or exsame you will always feel like a sub- perienced you know if you want stitute, a second string. Unless you to go to homecoming or take AP exceed what they have left behind. Euro. When you know what is But that is always a little iffy, and coming your can focus your time add lots of pressure. The best way on the important things, like your to escape this pressure is to try social life. “I really tried to make a different things than your sibling. ton of new friends and get involved “When you have different strengths when I got to West,” said Thorne. it’s not so bad,” said Anneke In the end it is good to know that Thorne ’16. Or completely disre- just because you didn’t do so well gard your older sibling achieve- on that one test or you have a bad ments and focus on what you want. grade at midterms, you aren’t going “I don’t necessarily try to be dif- to fail high school. “It’s nice knowferent from my sister because I just ing that I have someone I can ask do what I love, and a lot of times questions and I already knew a lot it’s what Erin does too because we more about high school than my grew up doing things together. It’s friends going into 9th grade,” said fun being able to do things we both Kallsen. Every so often, you are golike together again,” said Kallsen. ing to need a guide you will feel safe But when the stress sets in it is nice with someone you trust leading you.

Christine Kallsen ’16

“

She leaves me at home, alone and sad.”

Alex Aaberg ’15

Anneke Thorne ’16

I have a role model in my very own school to look up to.”

-Christine Kallsen ’16

British soldiers used to be called “Limeys” because they ate citrus fruit to avoid scurvy on long voyages. } may 31, 2013 feature 05

MONDAY

TU

{page design // grace young}

19New IHSAA bans 20 to take effect

T

grace young // the grenadine

he long days and warm nights of summer are arguably the best times of the year, but then the coveted Friday night football games roll around, and the conversation gets more interesting. High schoolers get to cover themselves in obscene amounts of body paint, eighth graders can pretend to be cool for a night, and the players, transformed by hundreds of hours of practice, get to take the field. This year, however, the hundreds of hours might be cut to a hundred, stifled by the new regulations put in place by the Iowa High School Athletic Association, or the IHSAA. These regulations, approved in March, are aimed towards increased player safety in the intense heat of July and August. The new laws cut total practice time per day down to one three-hour practice, ban practice on Sunday and allow full contact only after six full days of practice. Head football coach Brian Sauser disagrees with the new rules. “I think right now the game might be safer than it’s ever been just because of the research out there...The helmets are better, the equipment is better, and I know as a coach you take a lot more precautions than you did even five years ago,” he said.

For players, these limits could be a blessing or a

curse. “I won’t miss [two-a-day practices], but at the same time, I think everyone knows that we still have to get the same work done as we have the past few years, even if we have less time to do it,” said Brock Hatzky ’14, a member of the varsity football team.

The fewer practice hours have Sauser concerned about the safety of some other schools. “We wouldn’t do this because I think it would be bad practice anyway, but there’s going to be a lot of schools out there, I think, that will be out there for three consecutive hours in excessive heat which is kind of counterproductive to the plan,” Sauser said.

Some coaches around the state are leapfrogging off the motto “practice makes perfect!” to complain that the new rules will hurt the level of play for all. Hatzky disagrees. “I don’t think that the new regulations will affect the level of play because everyone has to deal with them; its not like it’s just our school. If anything, teams should be more motivated to work harder and get more done with the shorter practice times.”

Sauser doesn’t anticipate any issues with practices cut short. “We’ll do whatever we can to follow the rules in place because they are the same for everybody whether we agree or disagree.You [have to] do what the rules say.”

26

“

There’s going to be

a

lot of schools out there...for

three consecutive

hours...which is

kind of counterproductive to the plan.” -Brian Sauser

27

photos by // grace young

Brian Sauser

Brock Hatzky ‘14 left // The Trojan football team competes against Dubuque Hempsted on Septemer 4, 2012. New practice restrictions introduced by the IHSAA limit total practice hours to three per day in order to protect players from intense heat. photo from // wsspaper.com

06 news may 31, 2013 { Peaches were once known as Persian apples.

One Nation

{page design // grace young}

Under

God I

t’s a val fine line erie h between tradi- sieh tion and religious // the gre advocation, as detailed n by the first amendment of adine the United States Constitution.

In the United States, the separation between church and state has always been highly debated.While some may support the presence of religion in politics, others are strongly opposed to it. The Grenadine investigates how much religion influences life in America, and how much it should. photo // grace young

{page design // grace young}

{page design by// grace young}

W

hether we believe or not, God is everywhere in America. From “In God We Trust” to the daily recitation of “one nation under God”, the proof of Him is everywhere from our money to our pledge of allegiance.

In our everyday lives, religion can undoubtedly be a good thing. “[Religion is] a basis of morality something that people can hold onto,” said Karl Wenzel ’14, the leader of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. “It helps atone some basic virtues.”

In addition,Wenzel believes that religion gives a sense of self-purpose and is an important part of morality.

However, Wenzel states that in certain cases, “religion can be imposing on people, especially when they don’t agree. It can infringe on people’s basic rights and restrict people.”

Most recently, the most controversial issues regarding the extent of legal protection of basic human rights are based - at least somewhat - in religion.

Laws concerning gay marriage and legalized abortions have constantly been in the public eye, and religion, among other factors, has been a major cause of difference between the two sides.

“In terms of the gay marriage debate, certainly, there are certain folks who are opposed to gay marriage who use a religious context for their argument. So I think that, [there is] a side that uses [religion] to try and stop [gay marriage],” said Brady Shutt, an AP government teacher at West.

Despite the potential for the use of religion as a justification for possibly oppressive decisions, Shutt doesn’t see religion as a problematic influence. “[Religion in politics] today, in the U.S., is probably... about as influential as it’s always been. We’ve always had a heavy dose of religion in our political process, in our political leaders, and in the political rhetoric,” Shutt said. “I think that, in politics, religion can be used to try to examine the moral and societal value of a particular idea. So, as a framework for determining whether this would better society, it can be valued.”

However, not everyone agrees that religion is necessarily a good thing when it plays such a prominent role in the United States governing system.

“When it comes to the idea of politics, I don’t think religion has any place [in it]. They’re two different entities and they should never be put together,” said Connor Woodring ’15.

Despite being Christian, Woodring still believes that “[religion is] very influential [in politics], but it shouldn’t be.”

// 107 people surveyed

Yes 44%

No influence 4% Neutral 5% Very strong influence 16% Some influence 36%

No 56%

Do you consider yourself a religious person?

Strong Influence 40%

How much of an influence does religion have on politics?

Very strong influence 1% Strong influence 6% Some influence 15%

In a nation so highly dominated by religion, it can sometimes be a bit difficult to distinguish between religion and tradition.

“You listen to the oral arguments on the courts cases, you hear some justices expressing concern that allowing samesex marriage was redefining a tradition that dates back thousands of years, and so... is that tradition in part determined by a religious society? Sure. Do some people use a religious and tradition based argument? Yes. Will the court clearly distinguish between those two things? Maybe, maybe not,” Shutt said.

But how far is too far when considering the effect of religion on politics?

“You can’t really measure it... I think it’s more like the role of the people and how much people want it to be involved. Which is kind of tough sometimes, because if the majority is in support of something, it can be not as good for the minority,” said Wenzel.

Despite the large differences between those who support religion in politics and those who don’t, many Americans still agree that the United States is one of the most religiously tolerant nations (at least, politically speaking) in the world.

“We encourage different values and ideas ... I think as a nation, we’re very tolerant in that we don’t persecute people, or we don’t have criminal convictions for being of a certain religion,” said Wenzel.

How much of an influence SHOULD religion have on politics?

Neutral 21%

No influence 57%

photo by // grace young

{page design // megan kann}

{compiled by // kelsey keranen}

Taking a break from the heat at Orange Leaf

Pointing out snazzy sites on the treasure map book

Taking a shortcut to Buffalo Wild Winds

Pomegranates of Iowa City Our fruity friends that make Iowa City Iowa City. Art editor, Kelsey Keranen, follows them around on their daily adventures downtown. kelsey keranen // the grenadine

Getting ready for a leisurely bike ride around town

Looks like this pomegranate just couldn’t restrain himself at Sweets and Treats 10 photo may 31, 2013 { Apricots were once called by the Greeks “golden eggs of the sun.”

{page design // megan kann}

Y

the POWER of GRASS

kelsey keranen // the grenadine

ou’ve had your fair share of lazy summer afternoons in your front yard, languidly spread across the lawn, unconsciously ripping out handfuls of grass with no purpose in mind other than to pass the obscene amount of time which you are given. Chances are, you’ve never considered the amount of wealth that lies within each handful you’ve removed from the ground, but Abby Walling, ‘15, certainly has.

“I conducted this experiment because I am very concerned with the effects global warming is having on the environment,” Walling said. “ During background research, I learned that cellulosic ethanol would reduce the greenhouse gas emissions by 85% compared to gasoline.

This made me realize how great it would be if society used this alternative resource.”

Walling began experimenting on her backyard grass with a single goal in mind: to decrease greenhouse gas emissions in a unique, efficient way that could easily be utilized by other companies. This idea sparked a series of trials that resulted in her successful isolation of a bacteria that increased the yield of cellulosic ethanol in her backyard grass, a process sought by many of today’s modern energy providers.

To produce the ethanol,Walling first placed grass,

water, and cellulase into a container and waited for a week. Her main goal was to isolate the bacteria which caused the grass to ferment, obtain a sample of said bacterium, and then test its effectiveness.

To her satisfaction, the concentrated bacterium, once placed into the mixture of grass, cellulase, and water, increased the ethanol concentration by around 1900%. Consecutively, Walling began to take her discoveries to science fairs around Iowa, and with great success. She competed in a national symposium in Dayton, Ohio this April, and will be attending the international science fair in Phoenix, Arizona, at the end of May. However, Walling didn’t only produce cellulosic ethanol for the purpose of recognition. “I hope society will one day use cellulosic ethanol because it would be the perfect alternative fuel source,” Walling said. “Not only is grass abundant and renewable, but it would be environmentally friendly and cost effective.”

Abby’s chemistry teacher and proofreader, Michelle Wikner, believes that Abby will perform well in both Ohio and Arizona.

“There are plenty of other companies trying to do the same thing,” Wikner said, “but Abby’s technique is so unique and recent, which I think is why it stands out at competitions.”

WALLING

{photo by // valerie hsieh}

ABBY

When asked what she thought contributed to Abby’s success, Wikner replied, “Abby is brave enough to ask questions, and she’s a very hard worker. Additionally, you can tell that she knows what she’s doing; this project is her baby, it’s all hers. When Abby says a big word, she knows what it means.”

Friend of Walling and chemistry classmate Minsu Song ‘15, believes that Abby will perform well at both of her competitions.

“Abby’s really responsible, and she’s always willing to help” Song says. “She’s such a smart person - I’m sure she’ll be great.”

Walling enjoys attending science fairs, aside from the nerve-wracking awards ceremonies, and hopes to pursue science in the future.

This summer, she plans on interning at the University of Iowa’s microbiology laboratory, and wants to continue to study science in the natural world and for the rest of her life.

As for those who have helped her with her experiment, they too hope she pursues science.

“I think Abby should choose [to do] whatever she wants,” Wikner begins, “but I do think it’s going to be science.”

Strawberry seeds are actually achenes, tiny fruits which in turn contain a seed. } may 31, 2013 profiles 11

{DESIGN BY KELSEY KERANEN}

BY KELSEY KERANEN

I

t would certainly not be untrue to say that I am a very angry person. I am full to the brim with anger. Whether it be because some sponge remarks on the size of my nose, a teenage girl complains about how too many men are chasing her, or simply being wrong - I have a tendency to begin raving, my blood set aboil by these minor misdemeanors that most people don’t even realize they are committing.

Of course, as with all angry people (this is a verifiable fact, as I know many an angry person), there is one thing that sets me off particularly quickly; the “socially awkward” sentiment.

BY GRACE YOUNG

T

wo young children play side-by-side in the schoolyard, both whooping and laughing as they narrowly jump to avoid the poorly-inflated plastic dodgeball that the older boys smash with all their might to compare and brag about their manliness. The two little girls, no older than kindergarten, are adorned in the appropriate last-day-of-school jumper that without a doubt required quite a bit of mother’s pleading to even get on but is now an annoying hindrance, holding the selfproclaimed super heroes back from catching Slimantha, a gooey monster-worm who lives in the biggest curly slide and tries to suck off the toes of unsuspecting youngins.

Cursing her mother’s name, the

One is not like the other I’m fairly certain you’ve heard it used before: The peppy, upbeat girl in every class (“I’m so awkward!” she cries, turning to talk to her multitude of friends), the online descriptions (“I’m a happy and awkward person. Let’s talk!”), even the teachers (“I was a pretty awkward high school student.”) The term “awkward” is all around us.

Unfortunately, I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone really knows what being awkward implies. With numerous internet memes gracing our screens every day, including the ‘Socially Awkward Penguin’ and the ‘Awkward Turtle,’ the word ‘awkward’ has become a way for even the most popular to describe themselves, a word whose meaning has become synonymous with ‘cute’ and ‘quirky.’ Contrary to popular belief, being awkward isn’t really any of those things.

Awkwardness isn’t cute or quirky. I’d just like to set this straight. If you have lots of friends and have no trouble talking to people, you can’t exactly be qualified as awkward. If you don’t get heart palpitations when you email teachers or walk into a room of people you don’t know, you can’t be sorted into the box with the “awkward” label. If you don’t break into a cold sweat when you’re trying to order food, going over the order in your mind over and over again as you watch the counter grow nearer, you are not an awkward person. Awkwardness is very real, kids, and to be honest, it sucks.

Every day, during passing time, classes, and before school in the library, I hear it. That terrible word passing through parted lips, the sound coming from every direction - “I’m so awkward!”

Are you really, though? Do

you really have a social disorder that keeps you from talking to people? Do you really recognize the subtle enormity of the statement you’re making? Do you in any way realize how you’re insulting an entire group of people, a group of people that can’t say anything to defend themselves because they’re so afraid of hearing their own voices? Are you really, truly awkward? Or do you just think that, by saying it, you’ll suddenly become desirable - different, not like the other kids?

In all honesty, I may very well be overreacting. Perhaps no one means true harm when the word ‘awkward’ crawls up their voice box and meanders across their tongue, leaping out to greet a world already overflowing with misconceptions. Then again, I wouldn’t know, because I’ve never been able to ask.

Wonder Woman taller of the two girls hikes up her jumper and fiercely informs the small group of followers that had amassed under the steps to the playground that it was time to stop the shenanigans, that she was most definitely the bravest, strongest, and fastest superhero and that it was her duty to her fellow classmates to slay Slimantha once and for all.

The children roar in approval and run out to watch the following events go down with wide-eyed wonder. The two girls, superhero and sidekick, dramatically inch their way up the stairs, concealing sticks they had picked up outside the watchful eye of Mrs. Jones.

As they near the top, the murmurs emanating from the kids below grow in volume until Miss Wonder Girl puts her finger to her lip and blows more spit than air in an attempt to shush them.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a gang of rowdy third-graders comes bar-

12 opinion may 31, 2013 { The cantaloupe originated in India and Africa.

relling up the stairs, shoves past the duo whose mouths hang agape and hurl themselves into the tube slide, thudding and clunking to the bottom until they are spat onto the mulch below in one giant heap. “I am Super Man and I have killed Slimantha!” yells the chubby kid who had launched out of the slide last. All the girls who had once stood looking up to Wonder Girl now crowd around the mound of boys, slapping their backs in congratulations and amazement.

The sidekick stands to take in what just happened and subsequently bursts into tears, choking out, “You nasty boys! You ruined our game!

I’m telling!” and runs off sniffling to go inform Mrs. Jones. Wonder Girl on the other hand just shrugs and turns to go slay a different dragon, or fight a different battle. Not a hint of sadness graces her face, not even for a millisecond. It is as if she felt no pain or sadness at all. One cu-

rious spectator follows Wonder Girl to the swings and plops down next to her. “Those boys just ruined your game and you don’t even care.

Do you even care about anything?” she pipes. Wonder Girl smiles bemusedly at her friend and turns silently to pump herself higher and higher, away from the drama floating around the playground.

Wonder Girl grew into Wonder Woman and she faced her fair share of scuttles throughout the years but she never showed to be sad, upset, or angry. When something didn’t go as hoped, it was not important and no emotion was wasted mourning the loss or, on the flipside, celebrating the successes. It was not that she didn’t care, Wonder Woman just couldn’t express emotional extremities, neither ecstasy nor inconsolable sadness, but like everything else, that never got to her.

BY VALERIE HSIEH

J

ustin Bieber is a horrible role model. Not only does he go around Dubai accruing six speeding tickets in a night, he gets the main blame (at least from me) for sparking a generation of desperate, wannabe singers, actors, and maybe even internet memes.

Because of a dozen or so low-quality videos posted by Justin Bieber (aka “kidrauhl”), every child nowadays expects to become famous by posting a couple of videos of them singing onto YouTube.

Admittedly, Justin Bieber isn’t the only person responsible for inspiring an entire legion of fame-hungry teens to post ridiculous videos of their (sometimes horrible) singing onto the Internet in the hopes of gaining hundreds of views and potentially earning a record deal. The

BY MEGAN KANN

A

merica has the unfortunate stereotype of being a nation of overweight people.

Sadly, it is true that many of our youth are suffering from obesity.

The nation thinks it should be easy for a child to lose weight because they are so active; it should be as simple as spending more time outside and the pounds will just melt away. But it is not always their fault. They have no power over what they are being fed in their schools; When we are giving them tatertots and corn dogs for lunch everyday and making them sit still for eight hours straight, it’s no wonder they are becoming overweight.

What kids these days need is a healthy lunch program and more

Internet fame Biebs is only one of the many celebrities of late that have risen to fame thanks to the power of YouTube. Austin Mahone, Cody Simpson, Greyson Chance, Megan & Liz, and Karmin have become famous the same way Justin did. Sadly, even those that lack true musical talent (cough, Rebecca Black) have risen to prominence in the same fashion. And it’s not just musicians and singers that have attained the status of celebrity, either.

Countless bloggers (Jenna Marbles, Ryan Higa, Ray William Johnson) and makeup gurus (Michelle Phan, Cassandra Bankson) have become so insanely popular on YouTube that they have now earned the coveted blue check mark next to their names on Twitter, and have occasionally even launched a film or music career.

With so much potential, it’s no wonder teens start thinking they can become an overnight sensation with a simple post or upload. That’s probably why thousands - maybe even millions - of new videos get put up every day, fighting to be seen by the unsuspecting YouTube community.

Most videos will probably not be seen

by more than a hundred or so viewers, then left to be forgotten on the dark side of YouTube. At some point, most video uploaders will give up hope in advancing their video careers and move on.

But what happens when someone is so obsessed - so consumed - with the idea of fame that they are willing to do something so stupid that it could risk their life?

Enter the world of risky, disgusting, and sometimes fatal videos. Some brave (read: moronic) humans are becoming so desperate for attention that they are willing to swallow a tablespoon of cinnamon without water, pour salt and ice on their bodies, and even eat used tampons.

As if that isn’t bad enough, at some point, some poor soul is going to become so disappointed with the lack of views that they just might commit suicide or do a challenge that they know will kill them.

Soon, this problem might not pertain to just YouTube views. What about Facebook likes, Twitter followers/favorites/retweets, YouTube subscribers, Pinterest followers,

Tumblr notes, Instagram likes, and even LinkedIn connections? Before you know it, the whole world will be invaded by the desperate need for 15 minutes of fame that the competition will become more than virtual - it will be physical. Add the numbers of casualties that will result from this to the number of suicides that will be committed out of personal disappointment and soon, the entire human race will be wiped out.

So what can be done to combat this problem?

For starters, we should all remember that Justin is not someone we should idolize. (Neither is Rebecca Black.) We should remember that money isn’t everything, and that fame does not necessarily mean happiness.

But most importantly, we should be less concerned about our virtual persona and put more effort into our physical character.

In the meantime, (while you’re busy mulling over the meaning of life), follow me on Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, and Google+, and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel.

We are what we are fed involving exercise. Many schools are underfunded and can’t afford organic or fresh food for their students. In 2007, Iowa lawmakers passed Farm to School legislation to establish a program that would link elementary, secondary, public and nonpublic schools with Iowa farmers. This was created to encourage children to develop healthy eating habits, provide schools with fresh, minimally processed foods for lunches as well as hands-on learning opportunities, such as farm visits, cooking demonstrations, and school gardening and composting programs. Even though we do have these pieces of legislation we still see a surprising number of fattening foods in our lunches. We have fries, Poptarts, cookies, “chicken” nuggets, hamburgers, bean burritos and more fried, oily, sodium-filled foods in our lunches everyday. Due to the unhealthy foods kids are exposed to now, children’s diabetes

is on the rise. Within a decade, 40 to 45% of kids are expected to be insulin dependent. When we feed our children processed crap with a side of pesticides how do we expecting them to grow up into healthy citizens?

Now more than ever, schools cannot afford organic foods because the prices have gone up because there are fewer farmers than before. In less than 200 years we have gone from a country of 95% farmers to less than 2% farmers. Which is an outrageous jump,especially when the population of the world is growing like it is. We live in a country where we have more prisoners than farmers. There are more than 2.1 million prisoners and only 1.9 million farmers. The government spends $35,000 to keep a prisoner in jail for one year, but only gives a school $500 to feed a student.

There are many solutions for our lunch problem from getting food in our region, food that we don’t

have to ship miles to consume, to having recess before a 40 minute lunch at the proper time so kids are actually hungry for lunch.

In West we could have cooking and/or gardening classes to teach healthy eating habits. We can improve our environmental footstep by separating food waste for on site compost or at the landfill.

Half of the food waste produced at West could be used as compost. In the big scheme of things the government should move the lunch programs from under the USDA (United States Department of Agriculture) to under the CDC (Center for Disease Control) and put more money in the the lunch programs. Right now a Starbuck’s coffee costs more than schools spend on a student’s lunch for a week. For our next generation of doctors, lawyers, and writers we need to start preparing them and that starts with what we feed them.

Honeydew was considered a sacred fruit in ancient Egypt. } may 31 2013 opinion 13

e a r thmeg o p News You Can’t Use Mark Zuckerberg sues Apple over alleged privacy hack

Zuckerberg, the founder and CEO of Facebook, is concerned Apple installed a permanent cookie onto his computer while he was logged into his iTunes account, stating that he was “worried about his privacy.” Zuckerberg is suing for five billion dollars

Talks under way to build the first man-made ocean in Iowa The new body of water will be called the Iowa City Ocean. The aquatic contents of the ocean are still being discussed, but construction of the ocean itself is scheduled to being June 2020.

Amanda Bynes to star in Brittany Spears mockumentary, explains bizarre behavior

“I’m trying to get into the mood and psyche of how [Spears] was feeling in that low point of her life, and I wanted to portray her as accurately as I could,” Bynes said in a statement issued last week.

compiled by // valerie hsieh

NEW YORK

photo from flick r

e t a n

{page design // valerie hsieh}

Last Tuesday, the national board of Clothing Representing Advanced Male Principality (CRAMP) confirmed that the membership of all members of the tie committee have been suspended indefinitely.

Rumors began nearly a month ago when a member of the Board of Apparel for Women’s Superior Standards (BAWSS) was spotted wearing a striped light blue tie similar to one from the archives of the tie committee.

Investigations into the origins of the tie began shortly afterward, following a complaint filed by a representative of the penny loafers committee.

“It’s not that we don’t approve of gender equality for clothing,” an anonymous member of the penny loafers committee said. “It’s just that it comes to a big shock to us … [the ties] have been such strong advocates for male dominancy, and we don’t know what we’ll do without them being seen as predominantly male.”

Members of the CRAMP board have publicly expressed disapproval of the radical announcement of the ties switching genders.

The representative of the ties committee, Alex van Heuser, declined to comment.

A representative for BAWSS issued

a statement Wednesday afternoon claiming the tie originated from BAWSS’s own archives.

“We did not steal, purloin, or thieve from CRAMP or burgle from any member of CRAMP,” the delegate said.

Meanwhile, radical BAWSSes have taken to the streets to proudly show off their groovy new druthers.

“We didn’t steal yo ties. This was mah tie first. Mah granddaddy wore this tie, and now Immuna wear this tie, too,” Jennifer Lawrence, a proud member of BAWSS said. Lawrence was wearing a RED t-shirt, which, at this point, she proudly prodded with a fistful of vandalized pregnancy tests.

“T-Swizzle, she knows her ****. She knows what’s goin’ on. She knows that this is WAR, a WAR between boys and girls. We gotta work just as hard as men, otherwise we ain’t gettin nowhere.

Mmhm, preach it Mama Swift.”

Presently, she ripped off her tie and began waving it above her head whilst bellowing “HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Reporting by Valerie Hsieh. Additional reporting by Kelsey Keranen.

Disclaimer: All information included on this page is satire and is not meant to be taken seriously. Any relations to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

14 satire may 31, 2013 { A pineapple is actually a berry, not an apple.

{page design // valerie hsieh}

t s porets c e s pil {com

valer y // ed b

ie

lse & ke hsieh

an y ker

en}

Strawberries are actually flowering plants that belong to the rose family. } may 31, 2013 satire 15

{page design // kelsey keranen}

what’s on the fourth floor?

West High students give their opinions on what is hiding on the topmost floor compiled by // valerie hsieh

“Sex.” - Ryan Hansen ’15

“A ball that a really, really strong person chucked at the school that the administration put on the roof.” - Sandra Amouzou ’15

“Suicide notes.” - Eva Thomas ’13 art by // the valerie

“Dragons, probably.” - Jonah Pouleson ’13

O

n the first day of classes, countless froshlings meander their way up the narrow steps near the intersection of the freshmen wing and the main hallway. Tired and sweaty from carrying a heaping pile of textbooks, the freshmen arrive triumphantly at the top of the staircase -- only to look up and realize that they have ascended a floor too high. A solid, adamantly sealed metal door greets them.

Disgruntled and a bit confused, the freshmen trudge back down a level and dazedly walk into the second floor freshmen hallway.

The Grenadine investigates what West High thinks is on the fourth floor.

“Nothing. Doesn’t it just lead to the roof?”

- Jasmine Roghair ’14

“A version of Frankenstein. There’s a mummified Trojan, too.” - Kate Anstreicher ’14