The Key to a Happy Life

Crystal Cobert Giddens, LE

In 1938, Harvard researchers embarked on a decades-long study to find out what makes humans happy? The researchers gathered health records from 724 participants from all over the world and asked detailed ques tions about their lives at two-year intervals.

Guess what they found? Happiness had nothing to do with career achievement, money or geography. These researchers spent 85 years compiling data and guess what they found? Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer.

Have you ever met someone for the first time and felt an immediate connection? Like you’ve been friends forever? Can you remember how you felt? Did you find yourself thinking about the encounter throughout the day?

Have you ever had an argument with your significant other? Work bestie? How did you feel afterwards? Did you get a stomach ache or lose your appetite? How did you sleep that night?

Our relationships can shape how we walk through our lives. They can affect our mood and help make us happy or alter how we feel throughout the day.

To make sure our relationships are healthy and balanced, it’s important to practice “social fitness.” But what is “social fitness” and how do we figure out if we’re fit?

Social fitness requires taking stock of our relationships, being honest with ourselves about where we’re devoting our time, and whether we are tending to the connections that help us thrive. Social fitness is important… but it isn’t easy to evaluate, let alone make changes.

We tend to think that once we establish friendships and intimate relation ships, they will take care of themselves. But our social life is a living system that needs to be actively used and lived in.

How do we begin to figure it out? I’ve found two ways to help:

There’s a popular health coaching school in NYC that teaches nutrition in a way that encompasses everything from conventional dietary theory to Ayurvedic philosophies surrounding food and absolutely everything in between.

I attended the Institute for Integrative Nutrition almost 15 years ago. We learned about shopping, meal planning and cooking. We learned how feeding people (and ourselves) nourishes more than just your body and mind. It nourishes your soul. We learned that everyone is unique and what works for one may not work for some.

During our first class, we learned about something called the Circle of Life. There is an exercise that gives you a clear picture of where your life is thriving and what areas could use a little more attention. The school focuses on balancing Primary Food (consisting of the 12 circles of life) with Secondary Food. Our secondary food is what we actually put on our plate to eat.

They ask questions like: Are you happy in your career? Do you feel and get to express your creativity? How is your home environment? How is your spiritual life? There are 12 questions total. You are asked to rate your satisfaction in each area and put it into a pie chart that you can use as a visual tool to help you on your journey.

But what about the Harvard study? Their focus is on social fitness and how it affects our heath. They break it down into seven keystones of support:

Safety and security: Who would you call if you woke up scared in the middle of the night? Who would you turn to in a moment of crisis?

Learning and growth: Who encourages you to try new things, to take chances, to pursue your life’s goals?

Emotional closeness and confiding: Who knows everything (or most things) about you?

Identity affirmation and shared experience: Is there someone in your life who has shared many experiences with you and who helps you strengthen your sense of who you are?

Romantic intimacy: Do you feel satisfied with the amount of romantic intimacy in your life?

Help (both informational and practical): Who do you turn to if you need some expertise or help solving a practical problem (e.g., planting a tree, fixing your WiFi connection).

Fun and relaxation: Who makes you laugh? Who do you call to see a movie or go on a road trip?

Do you have a “ride or die” friend? A friend that lifts you up, stays by your side and holds you accountable? There’s usually one person that you can always count on during breakups, career changes and all of life’s struggles - big or small. Your ride or die bestie is always ready to go on an adventure. They don’t judge you but they don’t sugar coat either. They’ve heard it all before, but listen anyway.

How do you determine if you’re socially fit? Remember, everyone is different. Not all of these keystones of support will feel important to you. Start off easy and ask yourself if you’re getting enough support in the areas that actually matter to you, and start there.

You may realize that you have plenty of people you have fun with, but no one to confide in. Or maybe you only have one person you go to for help.

I feel that being socially fit is something that is constantly changing and evolving. I know my answers change a little every year.

Crystal Cobert Giddens FACES of Saratoga