Making New Friends: It’s Never Too Late

Question from a reader

I’ve been divorced for about a year now, and struggle with loneliness. I miss the friends we shared as a couple, but I’m just not comfortable socializing with couples anymore. I’m 58, and it feels awkward to try to make friends at my age. Any advice for me?

Answer from Gwenn

You’re not alone. Unfortunately, what you are experiencing often happens in the aftermath of a separation or divorce, especially if it was acrimonious. Friends’ loyalties can be split and, just as you feel uncomfortable relating to your former “couple” friends, some couples may feel uncomfortable relating to a now-single friend.

So how do you meet new people and cultivate friendships as an adult? Here are a few tips:

• First, be your own best friend

Taking care of yourself matters. Loving yourself shows. When you feel good about yourself you radiate a calm confidence and kindness that invites people in.

Healthy, positive people attract and gravitate to other healthy, positive people where friendships can flourish.

• Do more of what you enjoy doing

You won’t make new friends sitting alone at home. Get out of the house and do those things that bring you joy, whether it’s practicing yoga, learning a new language, taking a cooking class, playing music or any number of activities that put you with others.

You’ll meet people who share and appreciate your interests and aspirations, which — to quote Humphrey Bogart in “Casablanca” — could lead to “the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

• Consider a support group

It’s not uncommon for new friendships to be borne out of compassion and empathy. A divorce or grief support group will put you in touch with others facing similar challenges.

A friend of mine met her second husband in a divorce support group. She shared, “We got to know each other as friends first, and have remained ‘best friends’ throughout our marriage. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

• Say “yes” to invitations and opportunities to be with people

Circulating at neighborhood porch parties, gallery openings, retirement parties, weddings, etc. can be the ticket to making a new friend. You’ll be out and about with people with whom you share something in

Family game night can be more than just a fun time: New research suggests it may even help build some early math skills in young children.

While past research has pointed to games as a way to enhance reading development and literacy, a new comprehensive review finds that number games like Monopoly, Othello, and Chutes and Ladders may help children with math.

“Board games enhance mathematical abilities for young children,” said lead author Jaime Balladares, from Pontificia Universidad Católica de Chile, in Santiago. “Using board games can be considered a strategy with potential effects on basic and complex math skills. Board games can easily be adapted to include learning objectives related to mathematical skills or other domains.”

These number-based games help improve counting, addition and the ability to recognize if a number is higher or lower than another for young children, according to the study.

Children benefit when they play board games a few times a week supervised by a teacher or another trained adult, the study authors said.

The researchers reviewed 19 studies published from 2000 onward involving children aged 3 to 9. Most of the studies focused on the relationship between board games and mathematical skills.

The children each received special board game sessions about twice a week for 20 minutes over about

Show up and don’t be shy about extending an invitation to someone you meet. It could be a cup of coffee, drinks after work or walk in the park.

• Don’t overlook your family

My sister is my best friend, and she helped me re-establish a network of friends after my divorce. I had gone into the proverbial “cave” and lost contact with practically everyone.

Her friends became my friends, and now, years later, I enjoy the company of her friends, as well as my own.

• Rekindle relationships with old friends

It happens. It’s not uncommon for friends to drift apart when careers, marriage, kids or other life events require time and focus.

But things change. Life marches on and many of us have retired and become empty nesters. You now have glorious time on your hands to reconnect with old friends — friends who were an important part of your life at one point and may still have lots to offer.

Just yesterday, I got a text from an old friend. It began, “It’s been ages! I just retired in June after 34 years. I’d love to connect.” We are meeting next week.

It’s as easy as that! You can do it.

• Give a “singles” event a try

Many divorced or widowed women and men find fun and friendship in community activities organized just for singles. It could be a movie night, dining out, hiking, biking, kayaking, you name it.

You can find these opportunities online in community calendars or in local newspapers. You could also check out www.meetup.com for a wide-ranging list of activities, gatherings, and events for people with six weeks.

Some of the studies grouped children into either the number board game or to a board game that did not focus on numeracy skills, while in other studies all the children participated in number board games but were assigned different games.

All children were assessed on their skills before and after the interventions, with the authors rating success in four categories, including the ability to name numbers; basic number comprehension (such as nine is greater than three); the ability to add and subtract; and interest in mathematics.

In some cases, parents were provided training on using math in games. The results showed that children had significantly improved math skills for more than 52% of tasks analyzed. In 32% of cases, children in the intervention groups gained better

• Volunteer or champion a cause

Supporting an organization or cause you believe in will put you in contact with people working toward a common goal.

Community gardens, political parties, hospitals, museums, animal shelters and many other organizations often need volunteers. Strong connections can be made when you work alongside others who want to make the world a better place to live, work, play and pray.

Friendships enrich our lives. Good friends are there for you in hard times when you need someone to lean on. And they are there for you in good times to help celebrate life’s successes and happy moments.

When I’m in the company of my good friends, I feel a warm sense of belonging. They know me and I know them. We laugh and cry together, prop each other up, and share our deepest feelings and fears, hopes and dreams, and of course, favorite recipes and movies.

My friends are family.

If you are feeling lonely or left out, know that you can always meet new people, make new friends, and nurture existing ones. It’s never too late.

Gwenn Voelckers is the founder and facilitator of Alone and Content, empowerment workshops for women and author of “Alone and Content,” a collection of inspiring essays for those who live alone. For information about her workshops, to purchase her book, or invite her to speak, visit www. aloneandcontent.com results than those who did not take part in the board game intervention.

The findings were published online July 6 in the journal Early Years.

“Future studies should be designed to explore the effects that these games could have on other cognitive and developmental skills,” Balladares said in a journal news release. “An interesting space for the development of intervention and assessment of board games should open up in the next few years, given the complexity of games and the need to design more and better games for educational purposes.

By Anne Palumbo