LEFTOVERS ARE FOR QUITTERS LEFTOVERS ARE FOR QUITTERS

Scott Carpenter

Yes, I know, ANOTHER article on food and turkey covering the Thanksgiving holiday. I understand why you’d think that. But…this is me, so let’s see how I can take a holiday about Pilgrims, turkey, and antacids, and make it about books.

Walking up and down the aisles in the grocery store, you grab the essentials like milk, bread, potato chips, sardines, peanut butter, extra maxi ply toilet tissue for that extra layer of softness for your tushy, then you see the large shrine of various fall colors surrounding the meal preparation materials for Thanksgiving. Why leaves and chrysanthemums should stimulate your appetite, I haven’t figured out yet, although I’m sure it would work for rabbits.

A giant smiling turkey wearing a bib with a knife and fork reminds you of a turkey cannibal, like a “fowl” version of Hannibal Lecter. (Hey, this is me.) Don’t forget the fava beans, and yes, it’s kind of twisted. The television ads have everyone celebrating, eating around the table, and keeping the antacid handy because everyone overeats—we just have to have that last bite.

Growing up, I got a kick out of seeing my mom and aunts spending the day slaving over the cooktops and ovens, arguing over cranberry sauce or just slicing the beets.

Not to brag, but my mom did make the best deviled eggs. No contest.

As we grow up, things change of course, but they also stay the same in a lot of ways. Mostly it’s the faces that change and mature, but the festivities hopefully stay the same… except for the addition of the now-necessary three football games. Have to have that to wake up to, after stuffing ourselves like a turkey and passing out.

On a side note... for all of the people out there that aren’t really into footbal, and see people all frantic while playing Fantasy Football, here’s a tip:

You know how reading a romance book pulls you into the story and you get to live as a heroine or hero for a short amount of time? Well, that’s what Fantasy Football is like. We all get to be an NFL Coach, and take our team to the playoffs—and maybe the Super Bowl. I love picking up players and building the best team I can, holding on to the hope of winning it all.

My main problem is that my daughter plays too, and usually kicks my a** in the playoffs.

Where was I? Oh yes. Food.

So what exactly is Thanksgiving all about?

The holiday and the traditions behind it have evolved—from a much-mythologized 1621 harvest feast shared by the pilgrims and the Wampanoag, to a post-Civil-War era patriotic and religious gathering, to the modern holiday focused on good food and spending time with family.

I know, a little boring, but over time it has changed. It’s become more of a Holiday with commercials and sales for televisions and cell phones… and less about family.

And, as promised, here we go.

To me, Thanksgiving is like a story in a book. It starts with a slow burn. We meet the characters and that sets a mood. It’s often present day, and different generations are planning to gather and mingle.

From the main characters (that would be you, the readers) to the secondary characters, and of course, the pets. Can’t eat all that turkey without giving some to the dog.

In the kitchen, the drama is building between those side characters, as the rush begins to add stress. Everything has to be perfect, and there is little room for compromise, so plenty of wine may be distributed amongst the chefs.

Others are patiently waiting as they discuss the many aspects of politics, the weather, kids, and whatever mundane thoughts cross their mind.

The fragrance of the turkey is filling the house, and the morsels of appetizers just aren’t cutting it.

As everyone reaches a crescendo of pent-up tension, a loud roar echoes through the house. “Dinner’s ready!”

Gathering around the table, all the characters have a specific spot to sit in for the story. Uncle Bob sits by the mashed potatoes, Aunt Shayla over by the wine. The kids have a smaller table to the side because they tend to jabber on and annoy the adults.

As the main characters finally get a chance to sit down and take a breath, someone might say grace and mumble something they made up to sound like a sermon of thanks for the bounty of food, and for everyone present, whether they like them or not.

The main conflict of our little story kicks in because there comes a point when we ask how much is too much? After nibbling on things, and waiting, we have already consumed more calories than we needed for the week, thanks to the cookies, eggs, chips, vegetables dipped in dressing, and all that fun stuff. Now, we separate the men from the boys in a basic eating contest.

The carnage and basic manners can be slotted into categories from classy to gluttony. Especially the mashed potatoes and gallons of gravy. Not a pretty sight.

But after all the drama settles and the tryptophan kicks in, everyone starts to mellow and the football fans snooze in recliners, or doze with their feet up on the couch, and everything calms down. Except for the chefs who are having to deal with a mountain of dishes while sipping coffee.

All in all, this story has a happy ending, with everyone drooling from overeating, and almost ready for Pumpkin pie. Oh yesss.

And in most books, this is the cycle of events... the foundation of the plot.

Start, conflict, resolution, happy ever after. BURP. (Also loosen pants, but that’s in the steamy version.)