Overcoming loneliness and despair in times of a pandemic

In ‘A Tale of Two Cities’, Charles Dickens wrote: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

Words written in 1859 and yet they sum up brilliantly the times we are living in. If I could add anything to that classic quote to describe our current reality of a global pandemic, it would be: “it was the age of camaraderie, it was the age of loneliness.’

Even as families learn to spend more time together… even as we reach out to lend a helping hand… even as we look inwards and reconnect with our true selves… In the midst of it all, a new epidemic is born. An epidemic of loneliness. An epidemic of emotional distancing. An epidemic of quiet despair.

I know you are afraid. We all are. Not necessarily to the same degree. And not necessarily for the same reasons. But the truth is that living in the shadow of fear and despair has become the new ‘normal’ for many of us. ‘Overcoming’ despair seems too daunting a task. Why don’t we learn to ‘move through’ our fears instead?

Here are some easy tips to keep fear and despair at bay:

Consume the right amount of news

Each morning and evening, I watch the news just long enough to understand the reality that is unfolding on a day-to-day basis. It is so easy to get sucked into watching an endless round of news updates and feel increasingly hopeless. It’s important to know when to say, ‘This is enough for today’. If we keep consuming the news, we will only get sucked into fresh bouts of anxiety and despair.

Pick a new hobby

Working from home means we may have a little more time on our hands. Why not pick a new hobby or learn a new skill? I have recently started studying Stoicism (an ancient Greek school of philosophy) – it occupies my mind, leaving less room for needless fears.

Nothing lasts forever

Think back to all the wonderful experiences in your life. Those precious moments filled with laughter and joy. Did they last? They didn’t, did they? You are left simply with the memories. If the good times did not last, the bad times won’t either. Hold on to that thought.

Recognise that everything you read on social media is not necessarily true

There is so much fake news doing the rounds and it is so easy to believe everything we read. Not only do we believe it, we also feel the need to forward that piece of unverified information to everyone in our network. Can you imagine how much that adds to the prevailing sense of doom and gloom?

When we click ‘forward’ or ‘share’ on any of the social media platforms without first verifying the content, we are not simply forwarding a message. We are also forwarding mass hysteria, false assumptions and general panic. Knowledge is vital. But half knowledge helps no one. As you’re about to hit forward or share, pause for a few moments and reflect. Not everything you read is true. The world is frightened enough already. If you are going to add to the fear quotient, make sure the facts have first been checked.

Now let us talk about the sense of loneliness that seems to have engulfed so many people. Social distancing has also led, in many ways, to emotional distancing. So, how does one navigate this crushing loneliness? Below are three suggestions:

Build a family tree

If you have never been interested in genealogy (tracing your ancestors) before, now’s a good time to explore it. There are many genealogy websites where you can do just that. You are the legacy of a long line-up of hardy ancestors who lived through ‘the best of times, the worst of times’, who overcame unimaginable hardships and bravely faced harsh living conditions. You are here because of them. When you recognise that you are part of a rich heritage of unsung warriors, you no longer feel alone.

Plan your next holiday

If you think that actually going on a holiday is the greatest fun, think again. Planning a holiday can easily rank higher on the fun barometer. While booking a vacation is impossible in these times, you can certainly start thinking about where you would like to go when things go back to normal – physically, emotionally and financially. Read up on tourist attractions in the city you would like to visit. Their most popular restaurants. Their tucked-away shopping paradise. Their museums and art galleries. Planning and researching will soothe your soul and reduce the sense of loneliness.

Understand the WHY Emotional distancing can crush

our mental well-being unless we allow ourselves to attribute a sense of meaning and purpose to our current reality. Every time you find yourself drowning in a spiral of loneliness, remind yourself of why you are practising isolation. It is so that you can keep yourself and the people you love out of harm’s way. And in doing so, keep the larger community safe.

While this may seem like ‘the winter of despair’ Dickens described more than a hundred years ago, remember that ‘the spring of hope’ is not too far away.

Ms. Nim Gholkar

Ms Nim Gholkar is an international speaker, author and communication skills mentor and the author of three books, Diary of an Immigrant Bride’, ‘Unlock the Real You’ and the recently launched ‘A Little Wiser, A Little Happier’. Her work can be accessed on www.nimgholkar.com