Women - Silent, Powerless and “Lost in the Kitchen!

If there is one thing I love, it is an untold story. History is told through the eyes of those who hold power and authority. And while we are acutely aware that women have power, they rarely possessed it to narrate their story. They were compelled to take a backseat and hear their story being narrated. On International Women’s Day, one inevitably celebrates the journeys of public icons who dared to navigate a road not taken. Amidst those journeys one usually forgets to take a sneak peep intothe diaries of those women who were silenced, shunned, and denied from manning the front. The domestic chores performed by women, disproportionate amount of time spent by women in performing care work in comparison with men and gendered social norms have denied women an equal footing in the social realm. Moreover, even when they do pursue their dreams and professions in a collaborative venture within family businesses, they are given an instant backseat. Hawker centres in Singapore are one such trend since the 1980s which has established its distinctive global identity.

Hawking was initially viewed as a nuisance in Singapore but with the sudden increase in foreign migrant workers in the island nation it emerged as the most cost effective and viable source of employment and entrepreneurial ventures. It very well fits within the multicultural model of Singapore with each stall putting up food representative of the country. Most of these stalls are run within family networks with each member being designated tasks for providing efficient services especially during its rush hours. Even within families owning stalls it is common to spot couples running the stall together with one doing the talking and the other in the background, often performing chores. But who decides that and what does it convey?

The following poem is inspired from the interaction with one such couple owning a stall serving Indian food in Singapore. Her husband spoke on her behalf and she smiled helplessly agreeing to all he said and following his instructions. He confidently asserted “Look at my wife there. She is an entrepreneur now as I helped her set this stall up in Singapore.” Can you spot her voice? A voice that I could not hear, and a voice that was silenced under patriarchal construes of supremacy that remains unaccounted for. Is she independent to take her own decisions? Are they equal partners in the new journey they decided to undertake together?

Lost in the Kitchen!

(Inspired from the interview of a couple at the Hawker Centre, Singapore

She smiled at me,

Not like she didn’t seem interested to narrate her story.

I was all ears to hear her out,

Her story of agony, despair, humiliation, and invisibility.

But he spoke on behalf of her,

Her eyes were gloomy looking at me.

Her strength lies deep within, but she was silenced.

She worked harder than the man at the cash counter,

She woke up early to make the batter for hot idlis,

And stayed up late to do the dishes.

Yet she was the woman who did the chores,

Unaccounted, unacknowledged and disregarded.

She was asked to go in,

‘Do the dishes, heat the rice and I will attend to the customers’ he said.

She stood, feeling embarrassed and walked in,

Teary eyed, pretending to do the dishes.

She glanced into my eyes,

Wanting to be heard, feeling dejected and wondering why she was not allowed to speak.

Was she born to make idlis and do dishes?

Was she nothing but someone’s daughter, wife and mother?

Would her son too grow up one day and treat his wife this way?

Is it the story of every woman?

A saga that will remain confined within the four walls of a kitchen.

She battled conflicting emotions,

She wanted to walk out of the kitchen and shout out saying she has had enough.

But then she was pulled back, back to the kitchen that reminded her,

It’s her place and there will be no one to come back to once she leaves.

Yet again, she remained silent,

Did the dishes, placed them by the stand and left for home.

Once again to prepare dinner for her family,

Since she was the mother and the wife.

Nothing more and nothing less,And such is her life.

She served the hot rice on everyone’s plate, with lentils and pickle,

Gleefully watched them eat and barely took anything on her plate.

No one noticed what she ate, if she ate,

Another day passed by,Nothing had changed,Nothing will change,

Her silence in the kitchen and tears went unnoticed.

She was yet again the last one to go to bed and first one to wake up,

Yet she was the one silenced and kitchen is her place.

Ms Priyam Sinha is a PhD candidate the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences at the National University of Singapore