Beating the babyblues

Awayfromhersupportnetwork, anewmothercanfeeldauntedandoverwhelmed

iBY � KALYANI WAKHARE

It left a deep impact on me, but also helped shaped wbo I am today.

Veiled beneath adegree of uncertaintyandstigma, post-nataldepression is often misunderstood or disregarded. I suffered from th.istoa significantdegreeafter the birth of my firstchild,almostbordering on the line of clinicaldepression.

Asa new migrant, with no family supportcloseby andno network of friendswith babies, I often feltlonely,dauntedand unable to cope withmydaily routine. I wept for no reason and felt no interest whatsoeverin gettingoutof the house.

I sharedthese feelings with myhusband who thoughtI was simply missingmy family who were onlyabletobearound until mylittleonewastwoanda half months old.

The symptoms justgotworse, instead of better, over time.I hadnothingnewtolook forward to; the change-feed-and-comfort routine just wenton and on for what feltlike eternity! I was supposedto be happybecause1 hadalittlebundle of joy inmy life. '1sn't it natural for amother todote onand belostin love with her newbaby?"Iwould th.ink,and thiswouldbringmore guilt imo my heart.

Butno matter bow manyprebirtb classes I attended, or books I readon parenting,notl1ingcould prepareme for reality.

My life had turned from that of a busy professional woman with great careeraspirations, to being a full-timemotherandcaretaker witl1heavysleepdeprivation and nome-time at all! Recouping aftera difficultbirthand with absolutelynoadultaround meco havesome sort of conversation, I wasalmost ready togiveup.My mother,apsychologistherself, feltterriblyconcerned, buther long-distance counsellingover tl1e phone wasn'texactlyhelping. All she couldsay, ultimately, was, '.)use come to India for a few months.'

As temptingas this sounded for me,escapingand rllllningaway from the situation wasn'tgoing to helpandI knew this within.

Itwasnot practical toleave my husband for monthsand takemy little infantfrom winter in Sydney tO summerinMumbaieither. I decidedcostay on.

We had heardabout athome- counsellingand decidedtotryit. Ic worked reasonably well,with fortnightlyone-on-onesessions in the comfore of my home.Bm these were limited. The counseUor thenadvisedme to go to new mothers' therapy sessions.The thought of packing allthe baby thingsandreaching tl1e therapy group venue was scary in itself, let alone leaving my baby witha nannyfor two hours.Also,I didn't even have adriver's licenceattl1ac stage.The whole ideaseemed impossibleto me!

Andtl1at'swhen my husband gave mestrengthand solid support.

He organised ataxi for my weekly sessions, helped meget things readyand organisedtl1e nightbefore.Well, before1 knew it,I hadstarted enjoyingdie sessions! I looked forward to Wednesdays,and l even mought aboutwhatI'd wear!

The sharingand stories from othermums mademe feel less alone: 1 am not the only one'. iVfostmotherstherewere on antidepressants already.They were surprisedwhen I sharedthatI was nottakingany medication,and thatI haddecided to build my wiUpower to beat this.

Gradually I began coseetl1e bright side of things. 1 started going to the beauticianand for coffee by myself overthe weekend, leaving thelittle one coplaywith herdad,who gladly obliged.

Atthe end of eight amazing weeks, my little one had grown upand started givingme smiles. Itallmade thepain of motherhood worth it. 1 organised a morning ceawim the lovely mod1ers in the groupand we all recapped our journey and shared bow things had looked up eventually.

I gotacontractfrommy University totutor students one day aweek,andth.ismaderne feel absolucely elated.Asmuch as I loved beingamum, nowit was timeforthegre)'cellstobe stimulated and for me co embrace theoucside worldandgiveback what I learned asa sn1dent!My mothervisited us brieflytocare for her granddaughter:, andfinally we wentcoMelbourne wben Ananyawassixmonilis old to celebratelifeas newparents and how we had emerged victorious throughtl1e whole post-natal depression journey.

Lookingback, Icandefinitely say that stickingaroundand fightingthe depression was che best thingI did.Today,this incident gives me immense confidence co faceadversityand I teU all tl1e newmums I meet, or mums-co-be,to not betoo hard on themselves, to depend on their networkof friendsand family, and call outfor any help - including jL1sthavingaconversation,vith anotheradult.

New dadsplayareally important pare coo; they musebe supportiveand keep reiterating what a goodmum ilieir wife makes. Believe me, itmakesa world of difference!

TheseedyunderworldofIndia'sfinancialandentertainmentcapitalhasprovidedfodderforaplethoraofbooks

hisgirl£riend, actressMonicaBedi. Thebooks istitled/1'!)1J,,Ta111eis AbuSalem.

ByfarthebestbookontheMumbaimafia

CHITRA

SUDARSHAN ,-/

While trawling throughbooks aboutMumbai a fewmontl1sago, I was astmrnded bymenumber of books written about theMumbai underworld, theircrimebosses andDons.So ubiquitousis their presence, both in theliteratureon tl1e city as well as inBollY"voodmovies,that this reviewerfelt it deserveda whole column!

The MumbaiMafiabas often been romanticised inBollY"vood movies;yet its tentacles holdthe movieindustryin avice-likegrip and has become as much a part of Bollrvood as it has of the metropolisitself.\Xihohas not heardof HajiMastan,Dawood Ibrahim,Varadarajan Mudaliar (Varadabhai), KarinlLala,Yusuf Patelor AbuSalem?

TheIndianMafiabySrikanta KGhosh (1991) is one of the earliest books on the subject. It wasoneof the earliest exposes on thegrowinginAuenceof tl1e mafiaup to that time, comprising broadly of antisocials,gangsters, goo11das,musclemen, dt1dasand otherlumpen elements of the underworld, thrivingon crime andvice,on industry, business, politics,education andsociety at large.

The most definitive contemporary works ontl1e subject arethebookswritten byS ZaidiHussain,whois aMumbai-basedcrimereporter whohadworkedwithmeIndian ExpmsandMid-D'D His books include Fro111Do11gritoD11bt1i:Six Dect1desoftheMumbaiMafia(Roli, 2012);B!t1ckF,idrg(Penguin2001); and TheNfajiaQ11eensofMumbai (Tranquebar 2011). InD011grito Dubai, he traces the rise (andfall) of me most feared crinle bosses in Mmnbai, from HajiMastan rothe D-Company thatwas createdby the protegesof DawoodIbrahim. The reader wouldbe surprised tolearnthat l\fastan was tl1e son of a police constable, who built a rumouredbillion-dollar empire that henowcontrols from Dubai andKarachi ZaidiHussain'slatest book is a detailedbiographyof awell-known underworldfigure AbuSalem who rose swiftly from the ranks of meD-Company His lifeis thevery stuff of Bollywood movies: aman capableof extreme cruelty and extremepassion for

Written withJaneBorges, Zaidi Hussain's 1\tiafiaQ11eensofi\if11111bai is a compellingaccou.nc of the womenof theunderworld: tl1e wives,girlfriends of mobsters, madams of brothels, andother ambitious women whowere keento scale the heightsof notoriety:womenwho acted as advisersbehindtl1escenes,or womenwhotookoverwhen meir husbandswere killed. One suchwas Gangubai, agirlwho escapedfromher smallvillage to me streets of Mumbai and eventuallybecame thematriarch of Kamathipura, Mumbai's red lightdistrict.

TheMostDangerousManinthe World(2008) isan interesting biographyof DawoodTurn.him by GilbertKing.The book begins by jmtaposing Ibrahim and Osama bin Laden, andKing argues tl1atbin Laden is apauper bycomparison!The

AnilKapoor

Ifitwasn'tforthisbooktherewouldbeno ShootoutatWada/a. SanjayGupta adaptedbySanjay Gupta intotbe movieShooto11tat lf7rldalastan:ing Johan Abraham; BlackFtiday was adapted by Anurag Kashyap into a movie,and aftera court battle was releasedin 2004.MeenalBaghel, another investigativejournalist, wrote an accountof a sensational murderin Mtunbai,whichwas nirned into amoviebyRaj Gopal Verma calledNot"LoveSto,y.