Itjustisn'tcricketanymore

Therehasbeenwall to wallcricket here for monthsnow. Afterthe five-day festivals and triangularone-dayers areover,thebigtime pyjama game willbe playedb)'teamsfrom14 countries across sixweeks until 29March whenoneoftheteams willwalk away with thesilverware andtherestwillrenirnhomewith their hardware-bars, balls,pads, protectors-andpride, punctured. \Xfhy somuchcricket?Forthat matter,whysomuchsport?To occupy thetimeafter buntingand gathering,overtimemandevised anumberof games played with batsandballsofvarioussizesand shapes-cricketbeingoneofthe earlyones.

Unlikeany other spore, cricket is ratherquixotic,probably reAecti.ng the character oftheland where it wasborn and thepeople\vho devised it. Icis theonly sport played inthreedifferent formats with varyingduration, clothing and rulesas well. Besidesthis, cricketistheonly game thatoften producesno resultafterplayers havecoiledin thesun forfivefull days.

Unlikemanyod1er Indians,I don'tclaimchissport asareligion, butstilltake considerableinterest andspenda 'reasonable'(though myspousedisagrees)amountof timewatchingiconTVorlistening onradio.Attimes,whenHarsha BogleorJimMaxwellisonthe airwaves,I doboth,asIbelievethis givesrneabettertmderstandingof therulesof thegame.

In fact, crickethas rulesmany timesmorethanthenumberof commandmentsMoses had on his tablets. There aresomefortytworulesof the game, rnany with sub-sections.Theirinterpretations aresubject to thewhimsoftwo gentlemen whodon'tplay the game,butcan changethe course of thematch with theirindex fingers.One can drivea truck throughtheLBWrulesand, at times,theumpires arearule unco themselves in implementingthem. One umpireevenearnedfame(or nocoriery?) raisinghisfingerin super slowmotion, minutesafter theballhad been pitched, in a movewhich camecobeknown as the'slowfingerof death'.

In noothersportdoesthe captainofthedefending team movehis playersaround, any numberof times,to positions with fascinatingandquirky names. ow, with more women playing at internationallevel, it isall themoreina·iguingand interestingwhen thecommentator says:"Now the captain removes theslip, basa thirdman and acover."Or whendetailsof field placementsarebroadcast, Like:"Short leg- Sandra; fine leg-Fiona and, deep finelegDeepika." Hmm

Now mrningourattention co theoffsidefielders. Are they put off-side when theballspeedspast d1eircordontotheboundary,or dothey put thestrikeroff-side when acertain fouris cut down? And d1eon-sidefielders,dothey geeon sidewith thebatter,the one playingforther rivalteam?

Old cricketers never die. Formergreats,afterhangingup d1eirboxes,end upin abox- up therein coolcomfortworkingas conunentacors. i\farvellousl

Thissport,nurntreclon hallowedgrounds likeLord's, was endearingly called a'gentleman's game'. ot any more.Inearlier times,oncethebanerrealisedthe ballhehadfaintly snicked had been snapped up,would wall,off - withoutwaitingforthe umpire's dreadedindexfinger tostick up. Now ictakes a spider cam, a 'snickomecer' and a thirdumpire watchingumpteen replaysco heavethehitter fromd1ecrease. As abonushegets avociferous send-off too.

.Inno other sport isaplayer allowedtoconstantlymockan opponent. Butin thisso-called gentleman'sgame itisnow pare of tl1estrategy. Theslipcordon basmorphedinto sledgequartet alongwith abully fromthegully. Theybehavelike apad:of wolves snarlingd1eirteed1 at alamb tl1at isfacinga red grenadethrown by aspeeddernon22yardsaway. Verbalexchangesbetweenrival playersare splashed several times on thescreen,with commentators sitting miles away adding their ownspin andspiel without knowingwhat transpired onthe mrf. Off thefield,someof these gentlemen don't mindhaving abiffowid1 membersofthe opposingteamafter aboozeupin thepub.

Insomecountriesthemedia merrilyjoinsthemelee.Fromthe momentan overseasteamarrives, the journos pick up their poison penandpick on d1evisitors, wares andall-realorimaginary. The scribesseemtosavourd1eirblood sport. Theadminisa·atorsofthegame, too,seem to belosingthegrace. Visitingteams wereoncegiven all the honour andhospitality. Nowthey arenotevenoffered d1eirpreferredfood and are not allowedcobringtheirtake-way co thedressingroom,forcing them to sir omside thestadium andeat from abrown bag. Faitdi.nkum, that'snor cricket.

Still,manyofuswatch tl1is sporewhich attimescan keepyou enthralledforfivedays. That's cricket!

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