Battle for the bulge!

MINAL recounts the disadvantages of being super-skinny, but not necessarily sexy

You never find clothes that fit you just right, you have to have them tweaked to fit well and have to constantly look for styles that hide your flaws. Sounds familiar? But unlike what you’re thinking, it’s is not about being overweight, but about being underweight!

I am not going to be politically correct in writing this because it is something I feel deeply about, and I have first-hand experience with the highs and lows of dealing with weight issues. So while I mean no offence to anyone, I hope there are some of you out there who will relate to what I say.

Ever since I can remember, I have been skinny. A flat-chested and androgynous kind of skinny. And if you think only the fatsos out there have issues with their bodies, think again! Being skinny as a child was no big deal; however, once I reached college, I could never get trendy clothes that fitted me right. I could not even find a pair of jeans that would fit me. I was tall and gangly so I needed the length, but that meant a bigger waist size which slid right off my waist. Getting a pair altered to fit meant it made my legs look like sticks. So I asked a distant relative who travelled abroad often to buy me a pair from Singapore, in the hope that international brands may make jeans for smaller waists. Sure enough he got me a pair – the largest size in the children’s section. And believe it or not, I wore them all through my college years and they continued to fit me till I was 23!

That took care of the lower half, but what about the top? I got teased regularly by friends and siblings at my lack of curves. To the extent that I could never dream of wearing a sari to college on Traditional Day (a day most colleges nominate when students can wear traditional Indian attire). Being flat-chested was a major no-no during my growing up years. Size zero was not trendy and unlike my voluptuous friends, I could pass off as a boy. In fact I have been mistaken to be one several times, when I had my hair cut short.

Anyway, given my skinny frame, I learnt to slouch though I was tall – close to 5’7”. That was to draw attention away from my body. By doing this I didn’t look as tall, so I didn’t stick out among all my shorter friends. This was how I managed for several years – wearing loose clothes, slouching and not making any attempt to draw attention to myself. It led to a lack of confidence and self-esteem because in a society that judged a book by its cover, I didn’t make a mark at all.

Gaining every kilo was a struggle. If I gained just one kilo over six months it was a major victory. My mother dreaded my falling sick – because that meant losing 3 kilos in one week – the 3 kilos that it took me a year to gain!

For years I have stayed in the range of 40-45 kilos, pronounced underweight by most doctors and advised to gain weight to prevent health problems. I tried to gain weight. I even took a weight gain supplement, to put on a few kilos. I never ever went on a diet to stay slim; I was just genetically programmed that way. The good side to this whole thing is that I could eat anything and not worry about the calories. But the self-conscious body language of being too thin took a long time to shake off. To help myself, I attended some imagebuilding classes where I learned how not to slouch by walking up and down a corridor with a book on my head. I had to do that to stop feeling so conscious of my flat chest and to project the body language of confidence.

I even learnt to laugh off comments about me being too thin. Today I still wear loose clothing, but I am no longer so skinny that I need to buy kids’ sizes or be mistaken for a boy.

The world’s attention is on the obese section of society because there are far too many of them as compared to us skinny ones. But weight issues plague us all. I just wish to point out to every fat person out there who thinks that the grass is greener on the other side - it is not. We skinny, bagof-bones types get teased as much as you do and we struggle to find our size too. The feeling of not being attractive enough or a lack of confidence to be a social butterfly gnaws at us as well.

Nowadays with fashion awareness growing, being slim or not so well-endowed is accepted, but even 15 years ago it was not. Today designers make clothes for really small and large sizes, but back then there were just the three – small, medium and large. If you were an extra-small or an extra-large, you just had to get your clothes tailor-made.

Now that I am on a sabbatical and lead a less active life than last year, just eating home-cooked food and not missing meals has helped me gain weight. The scale has finally moved beyond the 50 kilo mark. But in keeping with life’s ironies, the weight has gone to my waist and banished my flatboard stomach forever. I would have liked it to go elsewhere so that I would not look thin but no, it has to go where you need it the least! The weight gain has helped in the sense that I can wear a sari without looking like a clothes hanger and I easily get jeans my size. I do occasionally feel conscious about my flaws and resort to scarves and push-up bras, but what I have learnt throughout these years of wanting something I don’t have – is that no one is perfect. Fat or thin, all of us wish we had the perfect 10 figure, but the key is to stay healthy and accept your body as it is - love handles everything, skinny legs and all.

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