TV or not TV

t the beginning of the month we resolve not to spend any money. Two days later the husband decides we need a new LCD TV.

What’s wrong with our Panasonic? I say looking at the giant box that the husband saved up for and bought when he was 17. First of all, he explains, this one’s a Palsonic not Panasonic. It’s a piece of crap.

I’d come to think of the old TV as a benign avuncular presence in a corner, presiding over our domestic trials and triumphs. It was my only companion when the husband abandoned me for his computer games. And, it’d become a resting place for the cats en route to the top of the bookshelf. I still like it, I say.

We get 2.5 grainy channels and you usually have to guess what’s going on, the husband is listing. And in order to get the 0.5 reception, I have to take my clothes off and stand on one leg with my arms raised. All of this is true, so I nod dumbly. And that’s how after work on a late night shopping Thursday, we find ourselves in the newly opened JB HiFi at World Square. It’s full of people and I start counting the number of interracial couples I can spot. How come most of the Aussie guys here are with Asian chicks? I’m wondering out loud. But I get no response because the husband is standing face-to-face with a 40-inch Sony Bravia. The look on his face makes me think he’s going to drop on his knees any minute now and kiss the ground. High definition, I hear him say several times.

I’m less impressed when I look at the price tag scribbled in red marker. $2229.

Are you sure about this? I thought we were going to save money this month...

He spins around, a crazy gleam in his eye. Sweety, look at it. High definition, you can see every pore and hair.

Bolt is playing on all the screens and I’m surrounded by eager white dogs all doing the same thing. And yes, I can see every hair on the animated pooch.

Now, the guy’s going to ask us to bundle it with HDMI cables and a power board. We don’t need those. Okay?

What? Huh? I say distracted by the dog on the screen. But the husband’s hunted down a tiny Japanese salesman who is completely bald and looks distressed. My husband is negotiating a deal. I go and stand by him thinking he needs my support.

He doesn’t. He whips out a couple of printed pages from his pocket and goes for the jugular: Clive Peters’ is selling this for $2000. What’s the best deal you can do?

The Japanese salesman cowers a bit as if he’s been struck. Let me see what I can do he mumbles and shuffles off.

I regard the husband with suspicion. Where is my indecisive procrastinating husband?

What have you done with him?

The salesman returns. I can give it to you for $2000 if you take the HDMI cables and the power board.

We’ve rehearsed this. I know the answer to this one!!

But the husband’s on to it: Don’t need the cables. Is that the best you can do? Yes, says the man.

Okay. One minute, says my negotiating husband and takes me aside.

Shit! he says. Can you talk to him? You’re Indian, you can haggle.

What? No! Besides why are we even doing this?

Because it’s a great deal and they are literally giving away PlayStation 3 with the TV...

Ah-ha! The truth is out!

...And it’s a great TV.

We walk around the store whispering furiously. We can feel the sad eyes of the Japanese salesman following us. We stop to look at what seems to me the identical twin of the TV we want. It’s $500 cheaper and comes with the PS3.

It’s the same one, I announce.

It’s not, says the husband. This one’s only 100Hz the other one’s 200Hz.

Is that bad?

The human eye can’t really see the difference beyond 70Hz so not really...

The sad-eyed Japanese salesman is by our side again.

This one’s cheaper, he’s saying, but it’s only 100Hz. The other one’s 200Hz...

I know the answer to this one!

Yeah, but beyond 75Hz it doesn’t really matter, does it? the husband counters.

No, it doesn’t, the salesman concedes. My head moves from one to the other as if

… the husband is standing face-to-face with a 40-inch Sony Bravia. The look on his face makes me think he’s going to drop on his knees any minute now and kiss the ground. High definition, I hear him say several times watching a game of tennis. So what about a deal?

That’s the deal.

Can you at least do free delivery? Sorry. It’ll cost you $79. Or you can take it home in a cab.

Can you call us a cab then? No.

10 minutes later, we’re heaving a box that’s bigger than the two of us up an escalator. Excuse me, excuse me, we’re chanting and weaving our way through the crowd on Goulbourn Street. The crowd parts to let us pass. Wow, says a man looking at the huge box with BRAVIA emblazoned in red across it.

We carefully lift the box into the boot of a station wagon cab. The husband positions himself in the rear seat, his hands bracing the box for the ride home. We are as nervous as new parents going home from the hospital. I’ll drive carefully, the cabbie solemnly promises.

At home the husband opens the box like a kid at Christmas. He lifts the old TV from the spot that’s been its home for a decade and puts it in a corner. He installs the slim new TV in less than a minute and hands me a brand-new black remote as long as my forearm.

Go on. Turn it on, he’s saying to me. I look at the gleaming new TV, the size of a small car, occupying the entire width of the TV unit. I nervously push the button. The picture booms onto the screen, larger than life. My eyes widen. I’m thinking I need bigger eyes.

We finally have a TV, the husband’s saying, his face bright. He shows me how to run through the 24 channels and find my favourite ones.

Beauty and the Geek is on. Everyone’s enormous. I sit fascinated staring at the giant screen. The gorgeous are gorgeouser. The ugly are uglier. Every flaw is magnified 10 times over.

I glance guiltily at the old Palsonic sitting in the corner. It sits with its enormous hunched back to us, its face turned to the wall, like a child in disgrace.

Goodbye my friend, I whisper and think of how tired, old and dispensable it looks in the festive glare of its replacement.

ARIES March 21–April 20

Tarot indicates the simple union of two people in love. A good partnership or bond is suggested here. It is a time for harmony and unity. Tarot suggests that matters can be healed and peace can be restored. This month brings love, passion, friendship, affinity, union, sympathy and harmony. There is a spiritual connection where there is an equal partnership which benefits both the parties. In a relationship reading, Tarot foresees marriage, or a deeper commitment to an existing union.

TAURUS April 21–May 21

Tarot sees a confident approach to life in general. You are required to be adaptable. Gains and victory are on the cards. Past efforts bring rewards. Legal matters would be resolved favourably. You may receive public acknowledgment for your work. In a relationship reading, it appears both you and your partner have similar goals in the relationship and are likely to achieve these goals. A new stage of commitment may be seen in your relationship.

GEMINI May 22–June 23

Tarot indicates that you will have a favourable encounter with an assertive person who will support you during a difficult time. He/she will be good looking, well built, honest and kind. Being a mature person, he/she is good with people and is helpful, though he/she may not be emotionally involved in the situation. Tarot suggests that it will be beneficial for you to adopt these qualities yourself. If choosing a career, sales or any goal-oriented position is suitable for you.

CANCER June 23–July 22

The present time may be financially challenging. Be careful not to miss any opportunity towards advancement. You may find your work uninteresting. You may be feeling lonely and low at this point of time. There may be problems in a relationship — money being one of the issues. Tarot indicates spiritual emptiness: it appears your spiritual life is suffering due to narrow-mindedness or an inability to change. The lesson for you is to be open to change from within.

LEO July 23–August 23

There seems to be an illusion that there is no choice other than to accept things as they are. Tarot indicates the hold of materialism on you, because of the temptations it provides. Your free will seems to have been lost, as being controlled seems an easier way out than taking responsibility for yourself. It could even mean a reluctance to change at the cost of growth. It is only you who can liberate yourself from this situation.

VIRGO August 24–September 22

You will not only live well within your means but also save towards a project. This month the focus is on material wealth which you are likely to receive from some source. You are cautioned not to let materialism overpower the emotional values of a relationship. In your relationship, it appears that there is a stagnation of sorts, perhaps because one of the partners may not be open to new ideas and change, a prerequisite for a relationship to develop.

LIBRA September 23 – October 23

Tarot signifies the need to adopt the qualities of strength of purpose and being steadfast in approach. This month, you are able to think effectively about your emotions in order to get a clear perspective of what you desire, and you plan your line of action for future success accordingly. Don’t let past difficulties faced in a relationship hold you back from experiencing what life may have to offer to you in the present – you might be pleasantly surprised!

SCORPIO October 24–November 22

This month the focus is on self confidence and perfect planning leading to success and happiness. You may have been self-reliant in your project while working hard with your inner strength and putting in the best efforts. The success achieved by you is likely to make you feel happy and secure. Financial rewards are around the corner. You are likely to have a comfortable success. Business decisions emerging from negotiations are likely to be fruitful. It’s full speed ahead!

SAGITTARIUS November 23–December 21

Your focus this month is likely to be on circumstances concerning legalities and partnerships. You are likely to receive positive advice at this point of time. You need to be decisive and take responsibility for your actions. You need a balanced approach to resolve any problems that confront you. You are likely to reap what you have sown. The future is yours to make, based on your present decisions. Honesty with self and the partner is the key word.

CAPRICORN December 22–January 19

As a new year – a new decade – is born, Tarot indicates the inevitability of change. Certain events in your life may be unexpected. Remain optimistic as changes at home or in relationships are likely to be for the best. You need to leave behind old beliefs and values which no longer support you and adopt a new approach in order to progress ahead. You need to accept the fact that old forms collapse and give way to new forms, for the better.

AQUARIUS January 20–February 18

This month there is a focus on the recognition of talent and hard work. Your efficiency at work will be noticed by your employers. You may be deputed to a project which will surely benefit you in the long run. Improve your circumstances by laying solid foundations for long term rewards. Tarot indicates that strong efforts will be made to build and maintain a stable relationship. Hard work and efforts at this time will bring you recognition and renown.

PISCES February 19–March 20

Tarot signifies a new beginning for you. You may be required to take a decision and act on it. Hence, it is important for you to keep yourself emotionally balanced. You will act with utmost passion towards your desired goal. In your relationship, you have a clear idea of what you want. Your purpose is clear, so you are able to focus on what you desire. Perhaps greater mental compatibility is required in your relationship.