All I want or Christmas s

It s een a t lt o s year, and o r world leaders are des erately n need o so e ood news

cash to su ly them. ill lea e loads of mil for you since e ha e ought its factory.

BY LP AYER

With all their jobs of making toys for the orld s children having gone to China, the elves have been redeployed to sort out the ram ant flo of re uests anta is recei ing from all around the orld. ears ago these re uests came in the thousands in hand ritten letters no in the digital age, millions flood in as texts and emails, ee ing the el es e en usier than efore. They handle routine calls for computer games, electronic gadgets, dolls and other items ith ease ut ut the ones from the VIPs in the too-hard basket for Mr Claus himself to deal ith.

The first one as al ays is from the ig id in the hite ouse onald. ear anta no the emonocrats are trying to im each me y thro ing e erything at me including see ing my ta records. n my school days, I often told my teachers that my dog ate my home or . This time ill place all my tax records near the fireplace, lease as your reindeers to eat them. do ho e there is no histle lo er among the el es to lea this re uest to my o onents. ill ut out entuc y our on and coo ies for you.

Next email, in Mandarin, is from the top o cial in the or idden ity. omrade laus e are the traditional e orters of re olution ut are no facing one oursel es from ong ong. The renegades there are uilding arricades and ric ing u roads. Our peace-loving soldiers are patiently remo ing them. lease collect said ric s and deli er them to stone elters in ashmir since our all eather ally is running out of en anta had no di culty in identifying here this one came from o dy anta bhai! (Maaf karna, mere mitr, I’m still in a ouston frame of mind.) efore the ay election mran han had said nly odi can sol e the ashmir ro lem. didn t disa oint him. The yodhya mandir issue too is mo ing to ards a resolution. o ha e nothing to as e ce t one thing. ur economy is lately going south, could I please as you to turn it to ards your direction. Dhanyawad. Aapke liye dudh-malai.”

Although not a believer in Christmas, mran han is not a erse to see ing aid from any here for his cash stra ed country. alam anta. ha e itched a re uest to my good friends audi and hina ut they are not gi ing me a good run. do en illion dollars ill do nicely to get us o er the line.

This one from the man ho is as lum as the man in the Red Suit: “I have fired every ind of missile to scare the its out of the mericans. a e had three meetings ith him and still Donald ducks out of lifting the crushing sanctions. othing has or ed. Maybe a mother of all missiles could do the tric . lease dro one not on our land mind you ut through the chimney. our loo ali e im ong n.

Santa is perplexed by the similarity in the ne t t o emails. The first one reads ear r laus once e ere ule ritannia. o the auls ha e the gall to call us ‘Rue Britannia’ seeing our plight to get out of the re it og. nly as can e tricate us from uro e. o lease ring in a hite ash hristmas for my o onent. our elo ed oris. The second email as orded the same ut sent from one omrade or in.

December 2019

BY MINAL KHONA

Minal Khona has been reading tarot cards for the last two decades. She uses her intuition and connect with the cards mostly to help people.