It's a 'Modi'fied India

the best comedy movies to roll out of Ho ll ywood. Waiting for the call m eant for me to come dirough, I decid ed to listen in on the conversation.

Ir was Satmday, May 17, a round six in [he morning. Being an autumn day, it was still quite dark.

"Namo j'\Tarqya11a" l woke up uttering this si m ple two -worded devotional line: I bow to tbe Ahnfgh!J. lt is a chjjdhood habit 1 have carried into my adult yea rs L ike most Indians, I h ave a habit of seeing or saying something godly first d1 ing in the m orning so that the rest of the day goes well.

As l rolled out of d1e bed, the phone rang. U nusual in our househo ld. 1 quickl y grabbed me handset and shuffled to d1e next room so that m y wi fe's beaucy sleep was not disturbed. She loves her early morning sleep. Me, l am just di e opposite. Having married in d1e pre- internet a nd matrimonial website clays, we had no opportunity ro discuss such compatibilit)' issues.

"J'Ja111t1.rte. NaMo wa nts to talk to you," the voice on me omer end of the line said.

OMG! l couldn't believe m y ears. Having urrered '11aJ110' only a few seconds back, t he good Lord (Na rayana) had chosen to talk to me. How blessed, I tho ught, for one who is o n ly moderate ly religious to have such a SCToke of fortune.

"Ayerj i, t h is is Narendra l'vfodi," a familiar voice came on the phone. "] learn that you o ccasi o n ally write for Tndia11 Lillk. Thro ugh your column, I wish to convey to my feliow Indians, my p lans fo r the deve lopment of our nation and seek their contribution. I know there is a growing Gujarati com m unity our d1ere in Austral ia".

\'{,'b.ile my elation eased somewhat on realising that ir was die 'nal/lo' of human kind and not tbe celestial, I was still thrilled d1ar Modiji had chosen co give me his first inter view while stalwarts like Tony Jones and Laurie Oakes wai ted in queue.

"You've made m y day; Sir," 1 said with humilicy. "Please go ahead"

I grabbed a n otepad and pencil and was all set

Next minute diere was some sratic on the line and I began to hear some cross talk. Cross on the Indian telephone, i t see med, had not changed a bit since the d ays of Nlt: Indit1, o ne of

Faint voice in the distance: l'laren bhai, I would like d1e job o f

Modi: Lal

Kishanji, I can ha rdly hear you

Please speak u p.

LKAdvani: That is what l am after. I want to be die

Speaker

NM: Advani ji, in your advanci n g years, won't i t be difficul t for yo u co conCTol cbe House? TI1e

Opposition always indulges in cat calls, walk- outs and dhamas We did mar too wlille in Opposition.

LK: No problems there, there is hardly an Op p osi tion d1is time.

RaGa (Rahul Gandl:ti) was not even in tune wid1 tbe masses during the campaign What Sonia says is Greek and, certainly, Latin co most. Thin k I can manage.

NM: J have already pencilled you in for the prestigio us post of Aged Care Minister

Modi 's tru sted secretary Jiten

P atel (interrupting hastily) : Nawaz Sharif is calling from Islamabad.

NS: Sa/av, alek11t71, Modi saah

Than k you for your invitation for your inauguration. l di ink I will make it to your parry. See, I'm concerned that if I leave the counCTy the army may not Jet m e back in. Tbey may fo!Jow m y example and do what I did to .Mu shy as he flew back from his visi t co Sri Lanka Anyway, dekhi )f!Yegi I've ma de my mind up. My team's already saying Di/Ii cha/o!

Jiten : Sir, Bangla beg11111 .Mam ta didi i s on me line.

NM: The last time she was the Railways Minister, she took die (train) toys and went home hal f way in the game. What is she signalling now? She can't derail me anyway. Tell her I'll call back soon.

Jiten: S ir, Amma from Chenna i! She's decided co suppon yo u.

NM: Didn't she pulJ the rug under Ataljj's feet last time and lee the Gandhi mob in fo r die next ten years? An)'\vay put her through Jayalalith a: Va11ttkkt1v1 Modij i. We have decin1ated t he godless gang of Kamna and !:tis corrupt cohorts. Wirh 37 of us we can stand sol idly behind yo u. Cao you offer

NM: Sure, an invitation for my inauguration.

Click 1/)el/t the pbone at the Chennai end.

NM: Jiten, only Mayawaci has n 't called yet. With her poor showing she has become 'i\liouna wati'. During the campaign, I di o ught she would prove the e lephant in the r oom Thank god she is a jumbo failure. Before me results were an nounced I was co ncerned I would need die co -operation of these three reg ional qL1eens Imagine being forced t o listen to rhe dictates of three women.

Just one Sonia was enough to undo di e good Sardar. Bidding her orders, the poor guy became Man 111a1111 Stngh.

At th.is point, my dear wife entered the room.

"\Xi'bat has co m e of you, ho lding d1e phone for ten minutes and not saying a word?" she chastised me.

Powerless co admit the loss o f an exclusive interview w idi the lead er of the world's largest democracy, I answered sheepishly, "Some telemarketer co s eD some cheap power".

'' Modi: Mayawati hasn't called yet. With her poor showing she has become 'Mouna wati: During the campaign, I thought she would prove the elephant in the room Thank god she is a jumbo failure. I was afraid I would need the co -operation of the three regional queens, Didi, Amma and Maya . Imagine being forced to listen to the dictates ofthree women. Just one Sonia was enough to undo the good Sardar. Bidding her orders, the poor guy became Man maun Singh.

Nawaz Sharif: Salam alekum, Modi saab. Thank you for your invitation for your inauguration I think I will make it to your party See, I'm concerned that if I leave the country the army may not let me back i n

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