Epic battle of an election

Mythological characters from a bygone era plot modern poll strategies

' : BY ~, LP AYER ....,

The vast 111aida11 in front of the Hasthinaplll:i palace was packed with protesters brandishing placards, demanding a change of government. Inside, the 100- strong ministry was .in an emergency session. After a 12-year regime without any opposition, the rulers seemed to have lose their way and the only choice left tO them was to call for an election But having come to power outside an electoral path, they had no idea of how ro face and win an election. So they called in all cbe wise men in the kingdom - Dhrona, Bishma, Vidura, el al.

""Brothers oops colleagues, this is a turning poincin our life", said Dhuryodhana, "and we need every ounce of counsel and cash to fighr this bact.lc. The public seems co favour our opposition, the Pandavas, even though they were in exile and had no media exposure for over a decade. I want each one of )'OU to come with an j dea".

Duchathan, being the second in comman d, was the first to venture with a thought. "\Xie need to announce some major programmes like 'gmibi hatao' or 'panch see!", he said.

Dhury: Are you out of your mind? Never utter 'p 111ch' it may be mistakenly attributed to the Pandavas Uncle Sakuni, you a re a genius. Machiavelli marvels at y ou and Kissinger keenly follows you on Facebook. Any clever ideas?

Sakw1i: What about another mess game?

Dhw-y: That's old hat! Who plays chess when the internet has tons of gambling games!

Kaurav3: 1 have been playing those games and am good at rl1em. Bring it on!

Kaurnv4: I could do a better job too, as l have been watching on m y l aptop those movies where it is routine to disrobe

Dhw-y: Sorry! Who wears saree.r in our country now when Bollywood babes <la.re tO bare all, with Poonam Pandey and Sunn y

Leone omstripping chem a.ll? Uncle Sakuni, please come up with a super con job?

Sakun i: We open a casino and offer free offers to the Pandavas: Nowadays, the Crown is cbe place to lose one's crown

Dhrona: 1 am afraid you can't escape democracic routes any longer. Otherwise people may resort to Arab spring-like demos

Bishma: For an election you need a pa.rty wid1 a popular name.

Kaura v5: Like 'A am aadmi' we can call ours 'A alll Kaumv ek sot/ or 'AK100' for short!

Vidw-a: That sounds like an updated model AK47; no voter will bire the bullet

B ishma: Next we need catch y slogans like 'Kevin 07' or ' Scop che boats'.

Dhw-y: How about ' Kauravs for corruption hatao'.

Bishma: Um We need to think up better ones. Next to catchy slogans, you need cash, a lor of it.

Kaurav6: Bue rhe gqja11a is empry. We are running a big deficit. Kama too has lost hi s lot in GFC, includi ng his earrings!

Sakun i: \X:'e must form a fundra.isiog committee. I have a few e:,.,.-perts in mind - Mayawati, ]'vfaulyam, Lallu Prasad, Pawar and the super schemers from the Sourl1 - Karunanidh.i, A Raja and the Marans Of course, there are a lot mote from every corner and we can form several regional committees

Dhury: (Admiringly) Uncle Saku.ni, you are amazing Go ahead w ith your plan \):l hat next?

Dhrona: \'\le need co allocate constituencies for yonr clan of 100.

Kaw:av7 : I dou'r ,vane a 'yadapa' one Krishna will corner all their vores!

Dbury: As part of the campaign, we may go on a 100 'rathyatnl co let people know we are not faceless men.

Kaw-av5 : Advani had done that. It was a fizzer. To be more modern we should go in a £leer of JOO Nanos

Bishma: That's a no- no Ta- ta to that idea!

Vidura: We may not win a majority. We need to form alliances with minor parries like Janata Dal, Bajrang Dal, etc.

Bishma: With so many 'dais' we may end up with a 'kichidi' government.

Dhury: Talking about kichidi, it's ri m e for a lunch break. Let's meet again after that.

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Yuthisbtra: 'Change,' rliat's what people want See how Oban1a used that one word like a magic bullet. We know people are o n our side. All that we 11eed is to run a campaign of 'dhar111a.' That is our Modi's operandi.

Arjun: I need a lot of my posters on every tree so fo lks won't confuse me with Arj un Singh.

Bh i m.: M y 'gatha' can be our party's symbol to show chat we will crush all corruption.

Sahadev: How about the bull as a symbol? During the exile, I acted as a cowherd and it worked well.

N akul: It was once the Congress party's symbol. The way that mob is faring right now, it won't be bullish.

Kdshna: I bet on the horse. U m I mean the horses pulling Arjuna's chariot as I narrate t he 'Gita'. That image is in everyone's mind and will ca.rr y you over the line.

The Pandavas nodded in unison an d loudly chanted, ']a; K1isb11a!

'Wi ce ofyou to drink of God even in y om· sleep. But do you n eed to shout so loudly?" asked my unfe elbowing m e 11.nd breaking up my d ream.