Saying ‘I do’ the Bengali way

Passed down through

BY RITAM MITRA

Indian weddings carry with them an altogether different level of tradition, fanfare and excitement. The infusion of Bollywood into mainstream culture has given rise to the widespread knowledge that Indian weddings are big, colourful and musical affairs. However, some traditional customs that take place during the course of the wedding can often be difficult to understand. Here are some of the more unique traditions that shape Bengali weddings in particular, following recent wedding festivities in Kolkata, India.

Aai budo bhaat

The aai budo bhaat is a ceremony celebrated by the bride’s family, and signifies the last meal the bride shares with her family and friends as an unmarried woman. It’s something of a feast, and will consist of typically Bengali dishes, primarily fish, as well as several sweets. It’s common for brides to have several of these events in the lead up to their wedding, since many of their friends and family may wish to throw a party for the bride. However, the logic still holds – the next time the bride will dine with them, she will be married and most likely, will bring her husband along!

Gaye holud (haldi)

The gaye holud (literally ‘turmeric on the body’) has become a celebrated occasion across many Indian weddings – but it is an especially important tradition amongst Bengalis. For this ritual, the groom’s side will visit the bride and present her with clothes and jewellery, amongst a host of other gifts for both the bride and her family, on beautiful trays called tattvas. The groom’s side also brings the turmeric for the gaye holud ceremony. An odd number of married women will cover the bride’s face and body with turmeric, which is said to purify and beautify the bride ahead of her wedding day. During the event, all of the women (and occasionally the men) will cover each other with turmeric to join in the celebrations.

Saat paak

Before she sees the groom for the first time on the evening of the wedding, the bride is seated on a low wooden stool, called a pidi. The pidi, with the bride sitting on top of it (often rather precariously!), is lifted up into the air by four brothers – cousins are also fine – and is taken around the groom in seven complete circles. This is said to securely wind the couple to each other.

Like other Indian weddings, the couple still ‘tie the knot’ and circle around a fire together seven times. This happens later on in the Bengali ceremony.

Mala badal

During the mala badal – the exchanging of garlands which is common in almost all Indian weddings – the bride is still carried on the wooden pidi by her brothers. The bride and groom exchange the garlands they are wearing. At this stage, a little game usually takes place: the brothers lift the bride up as high as possible so as to make it impossible for the groom to put his garland around her neck. This is in an attempt to show the groom’s side that the bride will be held in the highest respect in her new home, and is the ‘better half’. The groom’s side will hoist him as well in competition.

Topor

An infamously uncomfortable and impractical piece of headwear, the topor is traditionally worn by Bengali grooms as part of the wedding ceremony. It is extremely fragile and is ornately decorated out of sholapith, also known as Indian cork. It is believed to bring good luck, and the bride also wears a similar piece of headgear.

Bashar ghar

While most Indian weddings will feature a sangeet night filled with song and dance, for most Bengali weddings back in India, this night is actually on the night of the wedding itself. Following the celebrations at the wedding, the groom will traditionally spend the night at the bride’s home, where all the fun and laughter will continue. However, it’s the younger friends and family – those from the couple’s generation – that will stay up into the early hours of the morning celebrating the marriage and enjoying song, dance and company.

Shubho drishti

While being lifted on the pidi by her brothers, the bride covers her face with betel leaves. She removes these only when the saat paak has finished and the couple are in front of each other, ready to exchange garlands. The removal of the betel leaves is called the shubho drishti. The significance of this is that the groom is the first person to look upon the bride.

The significance of Shubho Drishti is that the groom is the first person to look upon the bride.