Cards for cheer

BY LP AYER

Christmas is around the corner. Some call it the ‘silly’ season, but it is really the ‘C’illy season – a time for carols, cakes, crass consumerism and cards. Not the kind of cards you send out to convey goodwill towards fellow humans. It is the credit card, stupid! It is given a workout as if there is no tomorrow. In fact, some folks would wish that tomorrow, when the payment is due, never comes. Unfortunately for them money doesn’t grow on trees. Christmas tree included! The plastic panacea used to cure all shopping ills soon turns out a post transaction stress disorder.

The credit card, when it appeared on the horizon a few decades ago, had a noble purpose. Like the old saying ‘the way to hell is paved with good intentions’, it has, over the years, produced some dreadful debt consequences. Its original concept was to give its holder the convenience of not carrying cash without ever running out. It was to take the weight off the wallet, travel light and shop with security any time, any place. Now credit card providers literally lighten your wallet every time you pay a bill, charging a percent or two on top of the bill amount, besides an annual fee. You pay a fee to pay your money to someone! How fair is that? The points too, have become pointless over time. My return journey to India once cost 70,000 points. Now that will take me up to the local airport.

In the beginning, cards were issued by banks in bland colours to a band of select customers who had to pass through several hoops of credit worthiness. Soon retailers moved in followed by airlines, petrol stations, all and sundry. They are now offered willy-nilly. I have seen some women carry umpteen plastic cards, enough to recreate Michael Jackson. Sorry for showing disrespect to the departed; one shouldn’t speak ill of the dead. Talking about a living legend, Jane Fonda’s trim, taut figure is an all-plastic miracle and not from her well-publicised workout. The cat is out of the bag only after thousands of women had shed several pounds (monetary) with their credit cards to buy her fitness fads.

Over the years, the credit card has evolved into a class system of its own with silver, gold and platinum types signalling the status of the holder. It has also taken on new avatars like charge and debit card - the darling of merchants who get their money once the card is swiped. Each swipe shaves a slice of your savings with silky smoothness. What swipe, the Y-gen may wonder. In its infant days, the card was placed on a metal cradle with a wringertype roller passed over it and a set of triplicate vouchers. The triplicate had an Indian aura since everything over there still needs to be in triplicate. (Even our god system is Trimurthi).

Besides the one that offers permanent sanctuary in the US, there is a green card that does not cost you a cent. It is the Medicare Card, provided the service provider bulk bills you.

It may bulk up his bank account and even make you green with envy.

Over the years, cards have grown out of their swipe cradle and moved to hand-held machines with ‘PIN’ or ‘sign’ commands. I don’t like to be pinned by a set of numbers and PIN being a Pain In (the) Neck, I always opt to sign.

At my age with a poor memory, that is the only way to remember who I am. Even this choice is now under threat. No need to sign if the purchase is under a certain amount. Just a wave of the card and away you go. Bingo! Can’t get easier than that.

If you lose your card someone can use it and smile all the way out of the shop shouting, “Start the car!” a la the Ikea ad. To assuage cardholders’ concerns, providers assure that they will bear the cost of purchases under a certain amount; some say $50 and others, $100. So if your December statement shows a number of $99.99 purchases, someone may have had a good silly season. You might have spread some goodwill.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

The plastic panacea used to cure all shopping ills soon turns out a post transaction stress disorder.