The value of silence

Self-retrospection and self-revival can be achieved by giving yourself some quiet time each day

BY SAROJA SRINIVASAN

Silence is the language of space. When we break the silence when we don’t have to, we destroy space. The popular song, ‘The answer is blowing in the wind’ clearly illustrates that the answer to our perennial questions is all around us, in the silence, when we give ourselves time to reflect.

Spending an allotted regular time in silence is a common edict in many spiritual practices. In the hustle and bustle of modern living, one rarely experiences total silence. Yet this is the very reason we need to learn to experience the sheer joy of silence when no words are uttered. The mind is full of chatter within, and in silence the heightened awareness of this ‘noise within’ suddenly brings to the fore our turbulent mind that needs to be calmed.

Traditional spiritual practices encourage spending time in silence whether it is during spiritual retreats or on a daily basis as in the Hindu tradition of daily ‘mauna vrath’, taking a vow to practice a pre-determined time of being silent every day, be it an hour or 20 minutes. The monks of the Benedictine order live in complete silence in their monastery, while the Buddhist tradition calls for periodic retreats in total silence.

The Sanskrit word maunam is derived from the word muni, the ascetic wise man. In chapter 12 of the Bhagavad-Gita, a sage or wise person is defined as a ‘mauni’. ‘Muneha bhaavaha maunam’ (the bhaava of munis is maunam), means that the intrinsic quality of a learned person is silence. Perhaps the best examples from Hindu tradition are Shri Dakshinamurthy and Ramana Maharishi in the 20th century, who taught their disciples through silence.

What silence does for you

Silence helps in our spiritual growth. In everyday interactions, silence also helps in responding with maturity. While the faculty of speech is needed for communication, the faculty of silence is needed for inner growth. It helps to perceive the world in an unbiased way, so one’s response may be appropriate.

Swami Paramarthananda in a talk in Chennai, aptly said that many of us are ‘addicted’ to talking. We seem unable to tolerate silence and feel something is wrong if there is no noise all the time. To be silent does not require one to retreat to a forest, just a quiet place where there is no need to talk like a quiet space in one’s home, temple, church or library.

When we are constantly engaged in talking and interacting, our body and mind become instruments; but when we are silent, they become objects of our observation. Our sense of self-awareness increases. In silence we confront our own body and mind. The capacity to confront ourselves is paramount not only for spiritual growth, but also to fend off loneliness. Learning to enjoy silence gives us the ability to enjoy solitude. The best way to enjoy graceful ageing and to fight loneliness is to learn to become skilful in enjoying silence and solitude.

When we practice silence effectively, we benefit by listening more easily to others without interrupting. Listening without interrupting is a vocal discipline.

It is the best exercise in selfrestraint. Interrupting with parallel experiences from one’s own life, giving a counter-point, giving negative comments stops one from listening effectively. Listening is not giving advice or offering solutions. An important rule to follow is – never give advice or solutions without being asked.

In the Bhagavad-Gita, Lord Krishna had the solution for Arjuna’s despondency, but he listened to him patiently –the first 47 verses and only in the second chapter when Arjuna says, ‘I am a student please teach me’ does Lord Krishna begin to speak.

If others are sharing happy experiences, their joy is doubled by sharing; and when they share their sorrow, it helps to heal their wound. Most of the time people want you to listen, not just hear.

If you begin to talk, your mind cannot listen to what is being said while you speak at the same time. By being with the person in silence we show our empathy by effective listening.

Not surprisingly, we can learn a lot about life from remaining silent and listening.

The best example is Adi Sankara.

He has written wonderful treatises on the life of ‘grihastas’ (householders), yet he was a celibate or brahmachari! His ability to listen and observe gave him the opportunity to learn and gain profound insights into the human condition. By listening, the maturity of the sanyasi increases and his insight is of a very high calibre.

Traps to avoid breaking a vow of silence

Swami Paramarthananda illustrated the traps we fall into, in his talk. The first of them he called the monologue trap – when one gets so absorbed in what one is saying, that it ends as a monologue with no opportunity for others to say anything. When we do this we break two cardinal rules – the ‘ahimsa’ rule, as we literally inflict pain on those who are listening; and the ‘astheyam’ rule, when we rob the other of their precious time!

The second trap is the gossip trap – gossip or talking negatively about others when they are not present, destroys inner growth. It is very important to avoid this trap and the best way is to not contribute by even listening to it.

The third trap is the argument trap. Many conversations, even between well-meaning friends, turn in to arguments. These really become non-arguments for no one is actively listening, but are keen to get their own views across. As the saying goes, ‘It takes two hands to clap’, and it is best to remain silent when such nonarguments persist.

The fourth trap is the emotional speech trap – talking when one is emotional as in when one is angry, annoyed and/or frustrated. At such times, no useful or constructive communication occurs and in fact often it destroys the goodwill that may be present.

Benefits gained from being silent

Being silent is not just the absence of sound and words. Observing silence in many contexts as discussed earlier, leads to a profound state of self-awareness that is vital for self-improvement. Many people are terrified of silence and this self-confrontation. The voluntary practice of developing the habit of being silent is necessary throughout our life. Even children need to be encouraged to have quiet time amidst their hectic physical activity.

Being silent is not depriving oneself of something. One has to value silence and solitude and learn to be by oneself and comfortable with oneself. Silence offers the best learning experience to learn the art of non- attachment. We don’t have to actively detach our self from participating, but we need to acquire the ability to not become bound by our likes and dislikes. Non-attachment is the capacity to enjoy the moment’s experience but not crave for it, and silence helps to develop this ability.

My favourite quote is from Fr. Benoit, a Benedictine monk who said, “In the silence of your mind, may you find the space to fill your emptiness”.