Being Monster-inLaw

Dear Auntyji

What the hell is going on with the Indian cricket team? All of my family were so very excited about the cricket this summer, but the team has performed so poorly that they have brought shame upon all Indians in this wide brown land. The bowling has lacked penetration, the fielding has been shoddy, tactically they’ve lacked imagination and don’t even get me started about the batting.

Oh, you bad man! You very very bad man. Have you no shame smiting your cricket team? They have given you so much pleasure over the last 10 years and they have raised the status of India so much, the one time they need your support, and you turn Hansie Cronje on them? Besharam! Nalayak! Do you recall the depth of happiness you felt when Dhoni hit the six into the sultry Mumbai night to win the World Cup final last year? And do you recall the exquisite pleasure when Dravid and Laxman had their 300-run partnerships against Australia in Calcutta in 2001 and Adelaide in 2003? You are indeed a fair weather friend and the Indian cricket team does not need a fan like you. I suggest you join the Aussie fan club immediately because at least they will all tell you where to go if you belittle the team. I suggest you start supporting your team and write them letters of encouragement - instead of sitting there raining crap on them. Disappointed, I am, in you. Poor Sachin bhai. He deserves better than this, you haraami. Don’t you dare say another word against my beloved Indian cricket team.

Seeking g room S

Well settled/professional alliance invited from Australia/ India for 40/165, unmarried, charming Punjabi Khatri girl, family oriented and responsible, IT professional working in Sydney. Australian citizen. Early marriage. Can relocate. Serious proposals only. Email profile with recent photo: sydgirl09@gmail.com

Seeking qualified Hindu match for our daughter, 5’1”, 22 years, vegetarian, Australian born, degree in IT. Working as a technical consultant in Sydney. Contact father in Australia on email: rlagrawal55@gmail.com

Seeking suitable match (from Australia, never married) for Hindu girl 34 years, Chartered Accountant (non-veg), living in Australia over 25 years, with eastern and western family values. Please email with all details on ganesh2011v@gmail.com

Sister seeks alliance for a Sikh, 26 year old, 5’7” height, very beautiful girl, Finance Law degree from UNSW, now working in AMP. We’re a family of doctors living in Sydney for the past 40 years. The girl has been born and brought up here with Indian values. Please contact with profile and photo at sydney2012kaur@gmail.com

Seeking well qualified match for very fair, young looking Hindu lady, 54, veg, divorced, daughter living with her. The man must be

Dear Auntyji

I have just met my son’s 23-year-old girlfriend and she is from Italy. She is a really nice girl, but I realised that she is here on a student visa and my son was talking about moving in together. My concern is that the girl might just be using my son for her visa status. My son seems to really like her, and he is an intelligent hardworking young man, and I don’t want the girl taking advantage of him. Do you think I should say something?

Auntyji says

Oh, us mothers always worry about our children and are always thinking that someone or the other is about to dupe our children out of their health, wealth and happiness. I’m pleased you have not said anything, because it is too early to be making any such allegation. If your son is as intelligent as you say he is, then I am sure he is quite aware of the visa situation. Let them be - sooner or later you will get to know this girl better and will be able to work out her motives. Keep in mind that not everyone gets together with someone just for their visa. Your son does not need your disapproving allegations - so support your son and watch the girl. If things get to a stage where you think the girl is with him just for the visa, then you have every right to say something. But in the meantime, keep your suspicions to yourself and try not to let your jasoosi find evidence with each interaction you have with the girl. Open your heart and your mind - this girl could be the mother of your grandchildren one day - the last thing you want to do is start on the wrong foot. And, if you continue to have suspicions, just think of Rahul Gandhi. His Italian mother raised him to be a good Hindustani. What more endorsement could you want?

aged 49-55, non smoker, with strong moral values. Contact lifepartner@hotmail.com.au or 0404 043 904

Suitable well-settled/professional match for Punjabi Arora girl, beautiful, never married, 38/165, qualified IT professional. GSOH with good family values. Brought up in India. Working in MNC Sydney. Australian citizen. Early marriage. Serious enquiries only. Email details with photo to ausgirl101@gmail.com

Seeking B ri D e S

Seeking Hindu girl, preferably Gujarati, good family values, for my son, 36, dob 7/8/’75, divorced, no children, fair, 5’8”, vegetarian, down to earth, fun-loving, genuine, well-built, non-smoker, light drinker, Australian citizen, tax consultant, lives with parents. Contact 0423 328 800 or email sydau714@hotmail.com

Australian citizen, university educated, in 40s, government profession, seeking lady for marriage. Call 0406 688 262 or email: tamavu@hotmail.com

Well-settled family in Australia invites alliance for 28 year old, 5”11, Sood Punjabi boy (Aust Citizen), working as a senior IT consultant for the Australian government, high income. Seeking Indian girl, caste no bar. Please send biodata/particulars of girl to rmahendra55@gmail.com