What’s with the bag?

BY LP AYER

That does it! Sunil Gautam’s lowdown on women’s footwear and Rajni’s rejoinder (Indian Link November 1 issue) has ignited a fuse dormant in me for long. I can’t wait anymore to write on a subject that has been weighing on my mind and taxing my brain for quite some time now. Yes, it is the handbags – the mega sized ones women carry.

We men never dare to question the need for our opposite numbers to carry a handbag. Unlike us males who don’t mind looking uncouth even at best of times, women are conscious of their countenance twenty-five hours of the day. Some of them wake up in the middle of the night to touch up their make-up before going back to sleep. So there can be no question that they need to carry a few items - a coloured wax stick to make languid lips look luscious, black pencil to adjust arches above the brows and a couple of other things to spruce up skin tone, enhance eyelashes, etc. Some sanitary pieces are standard items for obvious reasons. All these can easily be ensconced in a paperback size pouch. Or in a golden Glomesh of yester year. So why on earth do most women now carry such huge handbags that will swallow everything except the kitchen sink. I do suspect they carry not a sink but a washbasin, so that they can avoid the inconvenience of a long wait in public conveniences.

Look at Liz whose ancestors once carried on their shoulders half of the planet. But our dear Queen has a bag only half the size of her corgi, daintily dangling from her elbow. Does the lady from Bucks buck the current trend? If a woman of such great pomp can manage with a tiny tote, why do our women carry queen-size bags? What do they carry in them? I feel like screaming, even at the risk of being branded a perv. I am not, I assure you, I’m just plain curious. My ignorance is due to the fact that MOH (my other half) still carries only an airline ticket folder-size bag in leather or leather-like material. She is a proud possessor of a pearly Glomesh pouch as well.

According to unofficial research, those toffs trundling large treasure (and trash) troves want the size of their bags to match their ego. Besides, the bags must bear brand names as pouches of pedigree, with bells and whistles to boot. Designer names are dime a dozen in this domain of handbags - from Armani to Zak and every alphabet in between. You can be assured of a good giggle when you google to read the description of the brand names. One of them, Mui Mui sounds like it is made of moggy’s fur. If you want to see them all in one location, any large street market in China is your best bet. After all, it is where most of them are made like most other designer stuff. And one more thing. No woman is satisfied with just one bag for all occasions. It is a case of one size doesn’t fit all. There should be one in every shade to go with the gear they wear and also match the mood of the moment. Still, bags come only second to shoes in a well-stocked wardrobe. So let’s not bag those ladies who have more than one. According to a recent research paper, psychologists can tell the character of a person from the contents of her bag. Rumour has it that offices employing a large number of women are considering placing a measuring basket, as seen near airline check-ins, to limit handbag size as the extra space they occupy costs more in rental. They also want to use that as an excuse to pay women less than their male coworkers. No doubt women of the world will weld together to ward off anyone bagging them, and eventually carry the day.

Sunil, following your footsteps on your fancy footwear feature, I would like to see if the bag issue attracts a rejoinder.