Ask Auntyji

that you could help me out with a problem I have. My mother-in-law arrived from Pakistan 6 months ago to live with us. While she has been helpful with the kids, she is now beginning to take over the house. She tells us when to wake up and when to have breakfast and when to go to sleep and where we should go on the weekends and what we should wear.

I am beginning to dislike the old bat. We got along well at first, but now’s she’s just an interfering old cow. She told me that I don’t look after Fardeen because I don’t make him warm milk at night. She also says that because I don’t stay home, I’m a bad mother. Bilkul nak me dam kar diya hai unho ne. Fardeen says she is his mother and he loves her and doesn’t want to get in the middle of anything. However, I am getting fairly unhappy about it. I want to send her back to her daughters in Islamabad, but I don’t want to look like the sulky daughterin-law. Main kya karoon? Please kuch advise

dijiye na Auntyji

Auntyji says Hmmm. Looks like your saas is bored and has no life other than what she has with you guys. Have you tried speaking to her and telling her what’s on your mind. Maybe she’ll respect you for it. At least give her a chance to change. Remember, she bought up Fardeen to whom you are now married

This is the lady who raised him; show her some respect by telling her how you feel instead of simply discounting her and being an old bat yourself. So, you have two options. Rant and rave and nag your Fardeen like a churail until he sends mummyji home, or get mummyji interested in life outside the walls of your home. Get her to visit other Pakistani families and make other friends. Get her to go and stay with other relos or friends, if she has any. Otherwise, pack her bags and send her back. Life is too short to deal with these hassles. This is your family after all. Mummyji’s days as a primary caregiver are over. Fardeen is a big boy, he doesn’t need mummy. By the way, just remember, it’ll be your turn one day to be old and not wanted. How would you like to be treated then?

Serial offender

Dear Auntyji

I fell in love with this girl about 6 months ago. She is sweet and beautiful and kind, but I’m bored with her. There is now another girl I’d really love to go out with, who is also showing an interest in me. I have had 6 girlfriends so far, but once I have them around for 6 months or so, I get bored with them. So, Aunty, what should I now do about Anjali, as she is a family friend and my parents will kill me if they knew I was out of love with Anjali, whom they are hoping I will marry. I mean, I really still like Anjali, but I am tempted by this other girl, who is smart with a body to kill for. Any advice?

Auntyji says

You zaleel, khud garz nadaan naujawan Admi hai ke shaitaan? You seem to have no maan or maryada or izzat. In fact, your karam is only marginally more evil than your dharam, you beast. You should be deeply ashamed with your behaviour. You change girlfriends as if they were CDs which you listen to and then put to the back of the collection never to be heard again. You need to develop your character. This means, you don’t have a girlfriend and then dump her because someone better comes along. But, I have no advise for a haraami like yourself. You know what you’re doing is wrong. You also know what you need to do to make it right. If I were you, I would become a brahmachari for a long long time. Stop wasting my time and my column space, bewakuf. Door ho ja meri nazron se.

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ARIES March 21–April 20