Ask Auntyji

would you know why he did that? He could have a hundred reasons for doing what he did. First, you have no right to know any of the gory details, and second, you have no right to judge him.

Unless you were the third party in that marriage, you really shouldn’t decide whether he was right or wrong to leave. That’s for him and his ex-wife to sort out. And as for shame? Well, I ask you dear lady, how would you like it if people asked you if you had no shame for ... wearing the clothes you do, or because you are strict with your children, or you prevent your husband from going to the club with some friends. Mind your own business, and show your friend some sympathy. I’m sure he left for valid reasons - and even if he didn’t, don’t judge him. So treat him like a friend.

On pre-teen make-up use

Dear Auntyji

My 12-year-old daughter insists that she be allowed to wear makeup. She says all her friends wear eye-liner and lipstick and blush and even eye shadowtherefore she should be allowed as well. I am tired of hearing her ask for it over and over and over. Do you have any nuggets of advice for a tired mother?

Auntyji says Eye shadow at 12? Lipstick at 12? Oh, do I have a nugget for you or what? Say no to your daughter. Twelve is ridiculously young to be wearing make up - and you should put your foot down and say no. You can tell her that - that she is too young to wear make up. Make up on young girls is a pet hate of mine - so let me get on my soap box for a short while.

The problem with middle class people is that they do not think. Through our actions (or lack of them), we indicate it’s absolutely fine for our young daughters to be sexualised at an early age - with what they wear, how they dance, how they carry on with friends. Childhood is an extremely short period in one’s life, and it should remain that.

Childhood is not meant to be a dress rehearsal for adult life, where young girls dress provocatively to appear older than they are in order to get inappropriate attention. And they will get that. That’s why I’m completely against beauty contests and talent shows where we have these strange half-girl-half-women 10-year-olds wandering around looking like midget women. This is unsettling to observe, and why parents can’t see this is beyond me. On the one hand, we allow our daughters to run around and dress like they’re 30, than when they get negative attention, we completely take no responsibility for their actions. So tell your daughter, no, she cannot wear make up until she is at least 15. And stand by your ground. Of course, if you have raised your daughter well, which I hope you have, she will listen to you. If you are a parent with no control over your 12-year-old, then your daughter will probably wear make up at school etc, behind your back. In this instance, you will have failed as a mother because the last time I looked, a 12-year-old raised well was supposed to do as parents said. Now, if on the other hand, you think I’m an old nag with no understanding about what is fashionable today, well, let me tell you that watching a 10-year-old gyrating like Britney Spears and Gwen Stefani is disturbing. So I don’t need to be fashionable and trendy to know what’s right and wrong. Of course, I’m not so old that I am set in my ways. So, as a compromise, let your daughter wear lipgloss or eye liner like kajal.

There’s nothing wrong with this because lip gloss is protective and kajal is ... who am I to prevent pretty young things from using kajal. Good luck. And remember, you are the mother, so stand your ground.