Ask Auntyji

wonderful life she is about to embark on with the love of her life. Of course, if the mother and aunts get out of hand, then you could be in trouble.

What should I tell da bro?

Yo Auntyji

Whassup? I’m 24 years old and to tell it to you like it is, man, I have lived a carefree live. Free like da little birdies. I got into drugs and all ‘cos all my friends were into it, you know what I mean? But it’s not like I was an addict or anything. Anyways, over eight weeks ago, I went to my bro’s house and he had $250 lying on the drawer just like that and I wanted some gold so I just pop it in me pocket and walked away. So’s my brother got all upset and he doesn’t know where the money went and he gonna call da police and all. Anyway, I’m trying to get off those drugs, man, ‘cos I hear they can kill you. But I’m thinking, should I be telling me bro I took tha dough? I feel bad, and I want to be good now, Auntyji dude. I promise.

Auntyji says Yo? Whassup? What the hell is wrong with you, boy, can’t you speak English? Nothing is more pathetic than a brown boy pretending to be white pretending to be black. Leave this to the experts. Look, you’ve already fallen from grace as far as I am concerned so just go to your brother, tell him you were high on coke that day and you took the money to buy a gun so you could shoot your dealer. Your brother will be so shocked that he’ll do anything to help you out. Of course, this is the easy way out. If you really want to get your act together, go and tell your brother the truth. And then deal with the consequences - what the hell, you do the crime, you pay the time. And if you’re still a bewakoof bachcha and you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions, then go and sneak the money into your brother’s trouser pants, but not while he is wearing the trousers. And while I’m dishing out advice, can you please learn to speak properly - that damn patois you’re using is really irritating to us educated folks. Do