New age grandma

It’s service with a smile, as ‘yummy grannies’ help out with child-rearing tasks

BY USHA ARVIND

They have done it before and are back for an encore; only this time round, their quiet efficiency and willingness to make a difference is backed by a lifetime of experience. Not without reason, are they described as the backbone of every successful Indian family. And truly, summer holidays and storytelling sessions are incomplete without them.

Meet the baby boomer daadis and naanis of the Indian Australian community. Having successfully raised their own children (often with little or no support because of their migrant status in the newly adopted homeland), these empowered women now actively participate in nurturing the next generation to find their footing in the symbiotic journey of life. It is tempting to dub them as super grannies: they have perennial smiles as they serve up hearty old fashioned meals, they delight their young audience with tall and small tales, they share cosy secrets and provide the ubiquitous value addition; but more importantly, they are able to create an identity of their own, doing the things they love – be it career or hobby, without compromising on ever-increasing family needs.

Many have held full time jobs; some continue to do so, while others have opted to stay at home, basking in reflected glory. Either way, they have given their best years to their children and are now equally ready to shoulder the myriad responsibilities that accompany modern grandparenting.

So what’s their mantra for success? What sustains them? Quite simply, filial love.

“Grandparenthood”, according to Kogarah resident Dr Saroja Srinivasan, “is a real blessing and a privilege. After all, ours is the only species that has this unique gift of enjoying intergenerational relationship”.

So when the mental health professional was told that she had been promoted to the new status of grandmum, she promptly cut back her consulting hours to support her medico daughter. It was time to enjoy the grandchildren.

“Having held down various senior positions in my field over all these years, I have never felt the need to sacrifice my career. My daughter only made it easier for me by working part-time herself,” explains Saroja. But child minding has never compromised her leisure pursuits. Saroja and her husband head off on exotic overseas holidays, trekking through the jungles of South America, retracing the Hindu trail in South east Asia and are an active part of the Resourceful Australian Indian Network for Seniors. They also help out extensively at Hindu temple in Helensburgh and were among the founders of Saturday Tamil school Balar Malar.

“Back in the early ‘70s, we raised our young family on our own. Having no extended family near us meant that we had to be firm with our resolve. My husband and I made many ‘adjustments’ to our career demands, giving up some opportunities but gaining a lot more satisfaction from being there for our children. This also led us to decide many years ago that if we happen to live in the vicinity of our children, we would give them the help that we did not have when they were growing up,” she reminisces.

Having previously worked through the nappy and bottle shifts, she now does the school/daycare run for her two grandsons Akshay and Neerav, ferrying them to pre and post school activities.

Saroja, who works 2 days in the week now, has no regrets at all. “Sure, the physical demands are challenging as we become older,” she willingly admits, “but the emotional satisfaction far outweighs any discomfort. We still travel overseas a lot, but try and plan it in such a way that there is less disruption with the school demands.”

She firmly believes that grandparents are a vital part of the secure caring children need. “We believe from our experience that being involved in the caring of grandchildren has provided a three-way benefit –we as grandparents find life rewarding, the parents she clarifies. Her weekends are “me time” when Shikha attends Gita and Kriya yoga classes. Though she has cut back on socializing, she regularly catches up with friends over a coffee or movie and is a regular at community shows.

Likewise Charan Seikhon, who manages payroll know she will delight them with her endless stories and delicious freshly cooked food. “They particularly love spicy Singapore noodles and Malaysian curries,” reveals Charan.

Not only does she chip in with babysitting, she strongly encourages her own children to take a break from parenting to spend quality time with their spouses. “After all life can be hard here, juggling so many demands. And parenting is a 24/7 responsibility, with all its ups and down,” she admits. Her son and daughter-in-law travelled to India for a month during school term, leaving their son Jeevan with his grandparents.

Fortunately for Charan, her own children were in their teens when the family migrated from Malaysia in the late eighties, making the transition relatively easy.

A voracious reader and keen gardener, Charan unwinds with Bollywood movies. She enjoys tinkering and experimenting in the backyard. For Devi Bala, retired high school teacher, temple administrator, socialite and mother of three, being around grandchildren is the highpoint of her packed week. Despite a packed social calendar (she coordinates and manages the everyday running of the Sri Venkateshwara Temple, shuttling between Strathfield and Helensburgh, while also being involved with the Hindu Council of Australia), she has opted to keep Wednesdays and Fridays appointments free, so she can spend time exclusively with her younger son’s kids, picking them up from school and keeping them active and happy till they go home at night. “I used to do the Thursday rounds too, but because I manage the volunteer group at Helensburgh it was becoming physically draining,” she reluctantly admits. According to Devi, she is clearly the beneficiary in the very special relationship she shares with them. “It is such a going,” she laughs.

To keep her share of the bargain, she cooks them delicious curries and indulges them. Her only regret is that she cannot spend as much time with her grandchildren in Melbourne. “Likewise my grandson who lives in Vaucluse visits me only on weekends, unfortunately because of the distance,” Devi complains. “But he always has something exciting to share whenever he visits,” she adds happily.

Her keen interest in temple culture and architecture has taken her around the world, comparing cross-cultural influences. Devi also studied Sanskrit at University of Sydney, until the course was scrapped due to funding cuts.

When little Manav declared to his class that his grandparents’ visit was the highlight of the annual parents day celebrations at Thornleigh’s IABBV this year, little did he know that he had made his grandmother’s day. “For him all those dignitaries and myriad events didn’t matter. The fact that we were there in the audience stood out more than anything else,” recounts a proud Bindu Kalra, when asked what prompts her to babysit her grandchildren. His words are etched in her memory forever.

“When he grows up, he wants to be a doctor and has promised to come back and fix my aches and small but significant moments like these that bring a smile to her lips and tears to her eyes. Having walked the family-work tightrope back in the ‘60s when Indians were virtually invisible in Australian society, the stay-at-home mum regularly cares for her three grandchildren Zia, Manav and Sarani whenever they need her, providing loving care, wholesome meals and all the educational values that only an Indian grandma would unhesitatingly provide.

“We really enjoy being involved in their lives, mediating when they fight with each other, resolving their issues and helping them build bridges,” says Bindu.

Bindu and her husband Tilak Kalra were among the pioneers of AHIA Seniors Forum, and currently manage its affairs, running seminars, picnic and functions once a month at Westmead. They are also actively involved in seniors and the migrant welfare programme at Hills Shire Council.

At the other end of the spectrum is radio presenter and grandmother of three, Harjeet Randhawa, who recently retired from SBS. Having always been a career woman, striking a fine balance between work and family independently, her children have followed in their mother’s footsteps. Even though Harjeet and her two daughters live on the same street in Huntley’s Point (to the horror of her Aussie neighbours, she tells us), the busy school week is managed by the nuclear family. It is on the weekends that Harjeet chips in, spending quality time with her grandkids Ajay, Mira, Zai and Rahul. Her basement often becomes a wrestling arena and her backyard a soccer field, where issues are thrashed out and new relationships built on strong foundations.

“Both my girls feel that we as parents have done our daily grind, and it is now time for us to sit back and enjoy our own pursuits,” she says. Being extrovert, outdoor people, post retirement, husband Mandhir and Harjeet enjoy relaxing strolls and bushwalking, besides full-on socializing.

“I don’t really see much of the kids during the week except for impromptu dinners, but my husband and I take the kids out to the park and often head off for family picnics,” she says. Her grandchildren also love her colourful stories that date back to her own boisterous childhood in Malaysia - of good old fashioned tree climbing and kite flying.

“What I really provide them is a happy environment where they learn to bond with elders and cousins. The cousins adore each other and yes, they do have arguments, but in the process we teach them not only how to nurture relationships but how to tackle and eventually resolve conflicts,” concludes the former Humanities teacher.

New age grandmums, aapko salaam. May the special bond you all enjoy with your grandchildren, create lasting and wonderful memories.